Storm comments.

[chirs3 0]

Congrats to the new and final IN champ - READ TO FIND OUT CAUSE I'M NOT SPOILING IT~.

 

Also, Manson calling Tom BFF =

 

Card is in the werks, and barring any particularly nasty acts of God, should be up before I hit the sack. So anywhere between one minute and three hours from now.

[Sly 0]

Not on AIM tonight Chris?

[chirs3 0]

I find that when I book/mark/write while on AIM, my work never gets done. Like, evar.

 

If I finish the card in a reasonable amount of time I'll hop on for a bit.

[Sly 0]

Or now. Bitch.

[chirs3 0]

Or now. Bitch.

 

 

In the meantime, Hradkor is up. And apologies to Landon for forgetting to leave a blank spot for his promo - tacked it on to the end of one of the other segments.

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

What the hell, Sly, you know you're supposed to job Landon. I paid you good fake money and everything!

 

Grr. I'll read the show laters and junk. Yeahs.

[Sly 0]

Sorryz.

[Guest WhollyChao]

Comments ahoy!

 

Blue Leaf vs. Olaf Andersen

I really liked this match. Nightwing's got a good grasp of the fed already. I could follow the moves and the spots really well and it seemed as though he really understood his opponent which made the match very readable.

 

Manson promo

Fun. I like my megalomaniacal cult leaders/doom prophets to have a sense of fun about them. Good stuff, i'll be interested to see where Manson/Maddix goes.

 

Saintly C. Killa vs. Ced Ordonez

Nowhere to be seen!

 

IN THE HOUSE OF MARVELOUS: Michael Alexander!

I'm really enjoying the Mad Scientist of the Mat. That was a great promo, really set your character up well. Great cold heel character, gotta be a lot of fun to write.

 

Nathaniel Kibagami vs. "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins

No dice!

 

Austin City Limits (Alan Clark and Austin Sly) vs. Raynor Skelter (Chris Raynor and MANSON)

Uh-uh!

 

Jimmy the Doom vs. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix

This was a really fun match. As sad as I was to see Jimmy get deposed (very), if a match had to beat him I'm glad it was this one. The halibut was gold.

 

"The Dean of Professional Wrestling" Jay Hawke vs. Johnny Dangerous

This match was a little rough it seems. It appeared to be a little flung together. I got confused at the beginning when Jay Hawke had a belt on, and I didn't know what title that was supposed to be. Apparently it's the International belt, which I thought was vacant but apparently Jay Hawke just had it anyway? Then the referee said something about the match being title for title? What was Johnny's title supposed to be? Also, you had LDP on commentary out of nowhere at the end. I literally pictured Pete just watching the show, getting bored, and diving over the guardrail to do commentary. That's how I rationed it, anyway.

 

Good show, let's hope the missing matches get edited in.

 

[Toxxic 0]

...you don't suppose Jay Hawke cut and pasted parts of an old International Title match against Johnny, do you? I mean, that's the only thing I can think of that'd make sense for why he had a belt at the beginning and LDP on commentary at the end.

[Secret Agent 0]

It's an obvious paste job. Actually I think he copied the US title and Intercontinental title unification match against me, which he lost. Strange enough, it now gets the duke over me because it had more wrestling moves in it. Try and figure than one out, cause I sure the hell haven't yet.

 

I’m skipping Skull Radio and going straight for the official review right here. Johnny Dangerous vs Jay Hawke right here.

 

The match starts off with some banter between Mak Francis and Suicide King to give the low down on what’s about to happen. Honestly the commentary feels rather wooden. The two are taking turns spitting out information as seen below.

 

King: “Hawke’s reign remains unmatched, and it is likely to permanently remain unmatched. But it shows that both of these men know all about this International Championship, and they know all about championship unification matches.”

 

Francis: “These two men have met a number of times over this very championship. Tonight, one of these men will be the last one to officially hold that belt. But the time for talking is over. With that, let’s go to Funyon for the introductions.”

 

This little conversation just seems to be lacking a much needed personality injection, and a little more play off one another. Anyway, Hawke and Dangerous head out to ringside to wrestle for the vacant International Championship. Apparently Jay Hawke is sporting a title belt of some sort as he takes it off, or like I said already. This was a paste job from Hawke’s losing match from 2005 and this belt is actually the United States Championship. If you’re going to copy and paste a match at least rewrite the parts that are no longer accurate.

 

Next up we have this scene:

 

Soapdish: “Gentlemen, this is it. One fall for both championships. There is no time limit. The match can end by pinfall, submission, disqualification, ten count outside of the ring, or if I deem you unable to continue the match. A new champion no matter how the decision is rendered. If I tell you to break, you must break by the count of five or I *will* disqualify you. I *will* enforce any and all automatic disqualifications. Are there any questions?”

 

Dangerous: “I have one. Is he going to follow the rules tonight?”

 

Hawke: “Just make sure he knows the rules, ref!”

 

Soapdish: “That’s enough. Now let’s shake hands and come out wrestling at the bell.”

 

Is this a boxing match? A UFC match?

 

Anyway, the match gets started with a series of pins and reversals and then the referee changes…

 

Nick Soapdish looks over and sees Hawke using the tights, so he stops the count. Ryder counts to force Hawke to let go of the tights:

 

I have to reiterate the same thoughts about copy-paste-edit from before. If you do it, don’t get busted so easily. I Read through the rest of it. There is some solid action in there, in between a bunch of rough cuts in what’s going on. Yes, Hawke works over Johnny’s arm to lead to an eventual Wing Span, but that is just too predictable. I can’t stand matches that work a body part all match to get a submission and that’s all the plot you get. There needs to be much more going on between the two characters. This is the last International Title match and we’re treated to a cut and dry work the body part match, which is fine for opening the show, but not for a main event match.

 

The jump between Pete being on commentary out of the blue and then Francis returning is also confusing at best. Obviously, we know what happened with it, but it’s the sort of the that can completely take you out of a match and just say “WHAT?”

 

Towards the end Johnny even superplexes Jay Hawke from the turnbuckles to the arena floor, which gets him a two count after rolling Hawke back in the ring. A two count? That’s the kind of shit you don’t come back from and it gets a two count? Afterwards, Johnny DDT’s Hawke for two, Johnny Kicks him for two, MI Slams him for a ‘foot on the ropes’ to end the count at two… and then Johnny runs into a ring post before Hawke locks in the Wing Span! Johnny escapes and hits a Spinal Explosion, goes up top for a rarely executed Shooting Johnny Press, and eats a knee to the chest. Again Hawke locks in the wing span, but this time Johnny taps out.

 

I’m just wondering where Hawke got so damn resilient at? He’s like the fucking terminator towards the end here. Overall, I get the feeling of Hawke just throwing shit at a wall and seeing what stuck, and just left it that way for this patchwork match. It’s not the worst, but it certainly wasn’t Hawke’s best effort… and certainly wasn’t the better of the two matches.

[Sly 0]

Ermm...

[Nightwing 0]

Alright, I suppose if I want comments, I should give comments.

 

Promo: FULMINATUS IZ TEH MSYTERIOS!1!!

 

To me, this came off a lot like a WWE promo... in the best way possible. It's just easy to picture and has a great flow to it. I think the best comparison I can find is a lot of the old Goldust backstage skits when he was with the WWE: Wacky, yet its absolutely in character and not a waste of space. Excellent job.

 

Match: Fulminatus vs. Calvin

 

Wow, I never thought I'd see/read a wrestler come in with a Bratz T-shirt on. Then again, apparently you have had two Pokemon themed wrestlers, so it could be much, much worse. The promo down the ramp really works for the character, and it comes off naturally. Good job there.

 

Your commentary is short and succinct. I guess I'm a bit monologuey, but it works for the match. The manila folder is just as weird as you described it, but its a great piece of your character. It kinda reminds me of that movie, Payback (Yeah, I saw a Ben Affleck film ), where he has all the things he needs, but doesn't know what to do with 'em. Plus, it gives some nice little gags for the commentating team to fill time.

 

Overall, I like your wrestling as well. I read through it and it seemed pretty solid, though your finish is a bit ridiculous. It's definitely funny, and characterful... but I think you needed something a little more than eyepokes to do that. But otherwise, I thought all your selling was solid and the match worked well.

 

I think the only thing you really need to work on is your writing style. You don't use exclamation points often enough, and you really need to. I saw it a few times, but I think you could have used it in a few areas because straight up periods sometimes just don't work. I suppose that's a small thing, but I want to give you at least one thing. Oh, and avoid using too many proper names with the wrestlers: Fulminatus needs some sort of nickname (Cardinal of Chaos, Deacon of Dischordia, etc...) at least three or four different little things that you can call him and interchange so it doesn't seem like you're reading the same thing over and over again. But again, I'm really just searching for things.

 

My match! Woo!

 

Any comments, especially on my flow, characterization, and wrestling in general would be appreciated.

 

Promo: Mansonosity Runs WILD!

 

Another good promo, with a good balance of serious and funny. I got a bunch of laughs out of Manson's 'accomplishments', 'Mansonites' (God, I thought you were going to call them your 'family' for a second). But it goes with the classic 'respect' sort of angle that we saw with Landon on the last show, except Manson doesn't get respect from Landon, who doesn't in turn get respect from Commissioner Tom. Wow, that leaves Manson in a bit of a spot, eh? There were a few references to the past that I don't really get (I just don't know who Todd Royal is ), but that didn't stop me from really enjoying this promo.

 

House of Marvelous meets Mad Scientist Michael

 

Wow, a lot of funny little promos tonight, but they all serve some sort of purpose, which is great: I hate it when the WWE does some stupid skit that doesn't do anything, and so far we are 3 for 3! Woo! But a great look at the mind of an up-and-comer in the tournament. For me, this promo gives me a great handle on your personality (I need to do one myself so I can, well, have more of a personality. )

 

But if there is a strong point, it's your character's dialog is fantastic: Seriously, the upper-crust and overly wordy lines your guy spouts out are just great. You really have a talent for writing this stuff.

 

I'll try and get to the rest of the show a little later on tonight.

[Toxxic 0]

Fulminatus’s match:

 

You definitely like Drea, don’t you? Not only do we have a take-off of her adverts for Danny Williams’ Strong-Style ribs, but it’s also for Kid Cools hotdogs… which is just so old-school it’s untrue.

 

Good opening banter from the commentators, I’m not quite sure why they’re done script-style and Funyon is in quotation marks though, I think a one-or-the-other approach would work better visually. The image of Calvin throwing his shirt out to the crowd only to have it come back and hit him in the face is hilarious, as is Fulminatus giving Mak an envelope of his moves. Love it.

 

Good flowing start to the match, I think Fulminatus could have taken a second to sell the snap suplex although perhaps that’s factored into Calvin showing off to the crowd. Something I find useful for gaps like that is for the commentators to exchange a sentence, and then pick the action up straight after which allows the reader to judge how much time has expired by how long it takes to read the dialogue. However, the exchange about Fulminatus doing diagrams of his moves is, again, brilliant.

 

It doesn’t happen in all sentences, but one thing I have noticed is that a lot of the ones describing the action start with a name. ‘Fulminatus does this. Calvin does that. Fulminatus does that’ etc, which can render it a little ‘choppy’-feeling. Also, I’m not sure about Calvin going for the headlock instead of the big punch, seems to me he’s a vindictive guy and he’d be going for revenge for the hit to the nose instead of thinking tactically at that point; I’d have said he’d have knocked Fulminatus down, then headlocked him. Also, I’m a little unclear how a side headlock can be countered into a jawbreaker; not saying it’s impossible, just never seen it done. Unless by ‘rest hold’ you meant ‘sleeper hold’, in which case I can see it.

 

A little slip on ‘he moves towards his Szechstein’s feet’ but that’s an easy typo to make. The weird spin thing… damn odd, but at least Fulminatus is consistently odd rather than the stats saying he’s weird and then you’re writing more or less straight wrestling matches. So keep with the oddness, my friend. Good heelish work by Calvin going after the leg, but unfortunately Fulminatus no-sells it and gets straight back up to do a no-handed cartwheel (and I still have no clue what this move is, I’m afraid)… and a McCheese reference. You must be, like, Bobby Riley or something.

 

A little unclear on why both men ignore an opportunity to get their opponent counted out. Szechstein would have taken that with both hands I’d have thought, obviously I can’t speak for Fulminatus. I’d like a little more clarification on why the ref’s back was turned for the low blow as well. The Pause That Refreshes foot on the ropes incident… better than kicking out, but given that Szechstein would presumably catch him in the middle of the ring for the move, and has control of where he drops him, it seems unlikely to me. I’m also not sure about the speed of Fulminatus’s recovery to the point where he’s able to bewilder Calvin with eyepokes mere moments after taking a fairly nasty headdrop finisher, that just doesn’t seem right to me. However, fooling the blinded Szechstein with a cardboard cutout and then winning with the Confusion Bomb - sheer genius.

 

It’s nearly 2am so I’ll say no more now. Solid match, I’m a little scared to see what you’ll do in a hardcore environment to be honest cos that could lead to all sorts of wackiness. But the character is great, and all things presented about the character is great, I’m just not sure about a couple of issues like selling and, on that one occasion, consistent ring positioning.

 

 

 

 

I'll try and review other matches tomorrow or Sunday. Oh, and MANSON's promo might just be the greatest ever, of all time.

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

It's kind of funny. King referencing McCheese stood out to me on two points. First, when McCheese returned, the crucifixion was explained to have been faked. Secondly, King was just barely bumped to the WF around McCheese's return I think (As I faced him back when he was still a face in a LHW tournament match), so I'm pretty sure King hadn't joined when the Mayor got nailed.

 

Could be wrong, but, it's not like anyone other than Muzz, Zed, and myself would remember it. If we can remember it correctly.

[Sly 0]

Maybe it's King.

[Guest WhollyChao]

Thanks, everyone for your comments on the match, they've already been helpful.

 

As to the McCheese reference. I figured that King still would've been "in the company" at the time, since he wasn't active in the WF, training or in development or the like. I rationed that's how he would have known. He had to have seen the tape.

 

Speculation abounds...

 

 

[JHawk 0]

It's an obvious paste job. Actually I think he copied the US title and Intercontinental title unification match against me, which he lost. Strange enough, it now gets the duke over me because it had more wrestling moves in it. Try and figure than one out, cause I sure the hell haven't yet.

 

I will admit to liberally using quite a bit of that match, simply because there were several spots in that match that I wanted to use in this one. As you've pointed out, I obviously did some sloppy editing in my haste to get the rest of it done and sent off.

 

I’m skipping Skull Radio and going straight for the official review right here. Johnny Dangerous vs Jay Hawke right here.

 

The match starts off with some banter between Mak Francis and Suicide King to give the low down on what’s about to happen. Honestly the commentary feels rather wooden. The two are taking turns spitting out information as seen below.

 

King: “Hawke’s reign remains unmatched, and it is likely to permanently remain unmatched. But it shows that both of these men know all about this International Championship, and they know all about championship unification matches.”

 

Francis: “These two men have met a number of times over this very championship. Tonight, one of these men will be the last one to officially hold that belt. But the time for talking is over. With that, let’s go to Funyon for the introductions.”

 

This little conversation just seems to be lacking a much needed personality injection, and a little more play off one another. Anyway, Hawke and Dangerous head out to ringside to wrestle for the vacant International Championship. Apparently Jay Hawke is sporting a title belt of some sort as he takes it off, or like I said already. This was a paste job from Hawke’s losing match from 2005 and this belt is actually the United States Championship. If you’re going to copy and paste a match at least rewrite the parts that are no longer accurate.

 

Next up we have this scene:

 

Soapdish: “Gentlemen, this is it. One fall for both championships. There is no time limit. The match can end by pinfall, submission, disqualification, ten count outside of the ring, or if I deem you unable to continue the match. A new champion no matter how the decision is rendered. If I tell you to break, you must break by the count of five or I *will* disqualify you. I *will* enforce any and all automatic disqualifications. Are there any questions?”

 

Dangerous: “I have one. Is he going to follow the rules tonight?”

 

Hawke: “Just make sure he knows the rules, ref!”

 

Soapdish: “That’s enough. Now let’s shake hands and come out wrestling at the bell.”

 

Is this a boxing match? A UFC match?

 

A chance to put some realism into a big championship match? Make it seem important?

 

Anyway, the match gets started with a series of pins and reversals and then the referee changes…

 

Nick Soapdish looks over and sees Hawke using the tights, so he stops the count. Ryder counts to force Hawke to let go of the tights:

 

A spot I wanted to use from the losing match, and some admittedly sloppy editing.

 

I have to reiterate the same thoughts about copy-paste-edit from before. If you do it, don’t get busted so easily. I Read through the rest of it. There is some solid action in there, in between a bunch of rough cuts in what’s going on. Yes, Hawke works over Johnny’s arm to lead to an eventual Wing Span, but that is just too predictable. I can’t stand matches that work a body part all match to get a submission and that’s all the plot you get. There needs to be much more going on between the two characters. This is the last International Title match and we’re treated to a cut and dry work the body part match, which is fine for opening the show, but not for a main event match.

 

You and I will have to agree to disagree here, which I'll explain later.

 

The jump between Pete being on commentary out of the blue and then Francis returning is also confusing at best. Obviously, we know what happened with it, but it’s the sort of the that can completely take you out of a match and just say “WHAT?”

 

In this case, that's simply because I wrote with the team of Pete and King for so long that sometimes I type Pete's name out of habit and don't always look for it when editing.

 

Towards the end Johnny even superplexes Jay Hawke from the turnbuckles to the arena floor, which gets him a two count after rolling Hawke back in the ring. A two count? That’s the kind of shit you don’t come back from and it gets a two count? Afterwards, Johnny DDT’s Hawke for two, Johnny Kicks him for two, MI Slams him for a ‘foot on the ropes’ to end the count at two… and then Johnny runs into a ring post before Hawke locks in the Wing Span! Johnny escapes and hits a Spinal Explosion, goes up top for a rarely executed Shooting Johnny Press, and eats a knee to the chest. Again Hawke locks in the wing span, but this time Johnny taps out.

 

I’m just wondering where Hawke got so damn resilient at? He’s like the fucking terminator towards the end here. Overall, I get the feeling of Hawke just throwing shit at a wall and seeing what stuck, and just left it that way for this patchwork match. It’s not the worst, but it certainly wasn’t Hawke’s best effort… and certainly wasn’t the better of the two matches.

 

Here's what I was going for (and had I not been pressed for time I would have explained it better on commentary).

 

Jay Hawke's style has always been "work a body part to set up the Wing Span." Always has been, always will be. Anything that deviates too far from that isn't within his character. This is where we'll agree to disagree with the style of match in the main event slot.

 

As for the finish, I can see your argument with the superplex to the floor, but bear in mind that a certain amount of time does elapse from the time the move is executed to the time the cover is made. You've got to factor in the time it takes to get back into the ring, the time it takes to cover, and then the time it takes to kick out. It's not like WrestleMania XIX where Triple H hit the Pedigree and waited 30 seconds to cover and still got the pin off it.

 

I did the foot on the ropes for the MI Slam because I didn't want to kick out of your primary finisher, but as the babyface you need to look like you're going to vanquish the evil villain at the end. The foot on the ropes makes it look like the heel got away with one. Johnny even breaks the Wing Span once it's applied, something normally only saved for big PPV title matches.

 

The attempted shooting star I feel works in this case as Hawke has been kicking out of a lot of big moves, so it's almost like Johnny's last gasp at putting Hawke away.

 

You did write one hell of a match, and after I win the World Title at Ground Zero I'll be happy to give you a rematch.

[muzz 0]

Yeah.