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It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

Entries in this blog

How To Vibrate
 

Heavy Metal

Head bangers in leather
Sparks fly in the dead of the night
It all comes together
When they shoot out the lights
50,000 watts of power
And it's pushin' overload
The beast is ready to devour
All the metal they can hold
Reachin' overload
Start to explode

Chorus:
It's your one way ticket to midnight
Call it Heavy Metal
Higher than high, feelin' just right
Call it Heavy Metal
Desperation on a red line
Call it Heavy Metal noise

Tight pants and lipstick
She's riding on razor's edge
She holds her own against the boys
Yea, cuts through the crowd just like a wedge
Ohh, can you feel the static
So many contacts being made
We've got up front fanatics
Tearing down the barricade
To reach the stage
Can you feel the rage

[Chorus]
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Happy Mothers day

Todays Mothers day. I already told my mom happy mothers day, so you don't need to worry about me telling that to my mom. Anyways, happy mothers day to the rest of the moms in the world.   I didn't make Leena's list. Oh well. I'm a bit bored with her anyways.   I wish I had more to say today, but I don't. MAybe I will next time.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Happy Labour Day

-Yeah, happy labour day. Just don't whine over it and enjoy it while you can.   -Anyways, since it's labour day, all the stores and such on campus are closed. I'll be headed to a store later on (probably Meijer) to get an alarm clock. Oh, and classes start tomorrow, so wish me luck.   -Hugo Chavez is starting to win my heart, though not because of his policies or the fact that he's pretty much going to fuck up Venezuela. It's because he's insane to the point of comedy. Really, at this point, he comes off more as a goofy cartoon villain, and it's a riot. He's like some kind of heel you'd find in pro wrestling. Here's a great quote from the Something Awful forums:     -The new Halloween is the top movie in the box office. I saw it in a preview screening, and it's pretty much a disaster. You can read about my thoughts on it in the Movies & TV board. Anyways, what the fuck were ya thinking Rob? The Devil's Rejects was an impressive little movie, yet you fucked this up. Oh, and why the fuck did you make Michael Myers more human? He's not supposed to be that way. He's supposed to be an evil, unstoppable, unreasonable force. He's the boogieman, not just another serial killer.   Yeah, that's all for now. Next time: the 5 worst/lamest forms of pornography today.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Happy Birthday to Me.

Well, today's my birthday. I'm 23 years old. If you didn't wish me a happy birthday here,, then feel free to wish me a happy birthday on my blog.   Anyways, here's a birthday present from me to you.   Things you can learned from TSM poster's   -Not all Insane Clown Posse fans are idiots (Carnival) -There are actually females on the internet (Leena) -Some people have a very creepy obsession with Hillary Duff, and have somehow convinced themselves that she's a great actress and singer (bob barron) -Liberals suck (INXS) -Conservatives suck (MikeSC) -Some people should not be allowed on the internet (Desperate Housewife, fanofcoils) -Some people frown upon everything (Czech Republic) -Hippies suck (kkktookmybabyaway) -Dancing Corgi Approves (Yours Truly) -Some theatres pick up awesome movies (niskie) -Gimmick posters: some rule (Eddie Winslow, Gay Lincoln) but most suck -You can get crust under your naval (Carnival) -Some people let you know way too much about your personal life (wildpegasus, Matt Young. That reminds me, will Matt ever come back?)   Now, some youtube links for you guys   South Park-The Now Banned "Trapped In The Closet" Episode Arrested Developement-Tobias Highlights Coil-Video for the song "Windowpane" DJ Shadow's "Changeling" Performed bu a High School Band Aphex Twin-"Windowlicker" Video Afrika Bambaataa-Planet Rock Guy caught Spanking it to "World of Warcraft" "Hulk Hogan, We're Commin' For You Nigga!" Kanenites! (Remember when Kane had an interesting character? Here's a blast from the past)   That's all. Happy Birthday to me!
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

Happy 4th of...Oh wait, never mind

-Well, it seems like Ken Lay kicked the bucket. Disappointed that he died, because I was hoping he would be embarressed and scorned by the public for a while longer. It's times like this that I almost miss MikeSC, because of how he would try to spin this and somehow blame liberals on the worlds ills. Oh well   -North Korea launched some missles, that landed in the oceans of Japan, Fortunately, Godzilla (or any other monster) hasn't been awakened..yet.   -My summer job working on computers is doing ok. It's not exciting, but it's not soul crushing levels of boring.   -RVD and Sabu got busted with pot. This just sounds like a stoner comedy.   -The new ECW sucks, though you probably already read that in the WWE folder.   -"Superman Returns" is pretty good. I'd rate it behind "Batman Begins" though. Also, I've been shouting out WRONG ever since I saw it.   -I'm starting to think that Leena isn't really a Randy Orton fan, but instead just acting like she is just to annoy people.   that's all for now. Next time: whatever
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

6
How To Vibrate
 

Halloween TV

Well, it's about Halloween. Here's a list of what I've watched the last few days:   -"Masters of Horror"-Season premier was on last Friday. It was good, but not great. The ending was unsatisfactory, thoughg it still wasn't bad. Some nice gore in it though.   -"Pumpkinhead: Ashes to Ashes"-This one was on last Saturday at 9:00 PM. Man, not even Doug "Pinhead" Bradley or Lance Hendrikson could save this shitty sequal. Granted, it was better than part II, (Which had Roger Clinton in a cameo, who also sings the title song. No, I'm not making this up) but it was still lacking. Also, the dubbed in Southern accents were laughable at best.   -"30 Even Scarier Movie Moments"-I caught the 3 AM showing. Weak compared to the previous "100 Scariest Movie Moments." Come on, I enjoyed "Hostel", but it didn't deserve to be #1. Also, "The Grudge"? Come on! At least "Wolf Creak" and "The Devils Rejects" made the list.   -"Exorcist II" Man, what a shitty movie. Granted, it has a reputation for being shitty, but still, its a really bad movie. Actually, I kind of flipped between this and Adult Swim. It has a great score by Ennio Moricone, but that's the only good thing about it.   -"Aqua Teen Hunger Force"-Yep, there's new episodes. Better than last weeks, especially since it was a Carl centered episode, and he's my favorite character.   -The Weather Channel-I only turn to this in the morning to see what the weather will be like later on.   So yeah, I liked ATHF and MOH, and not much else.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Gerald Ford, Saddam, and goodbye 2006

-As you folks know, I'm no Republican. That out of the way, RIP Gerald Ford. Here's someone who was an all around good guy, lead to Chevy Chase convincing us that he's a comedy genius, and while not exactly the best president, deserves a mention. RIP Mr President, and God-bless.   -In other news, Saddam bit the big one recently. He'll be missed by...oh, who the fuck am I kidding? Nobody is going to miss the guy. Hell, if you ask me, he got exactly what he deserved. I say let him rot in hell and let him begin his eventual sexual relationship with Satan.   -Remember when everywhere you went, you saw Ashley Simpson on the cover of every magazine? Well, it's now Rachel Ray. So it seems like I'll be seeing her on magazine covers for a while, as shw haunts my dreams.   -Finally, goodbye 2006. You where a year that gave us Clinton flipping out on TV, talk about global warming, Ann Coulter talking about anal sex and fisting (she acts like fisting is a bad thing), the long time coming ban of wildpegasus, a pedophile senator, Kevin Federline getting too much attention, Hillary getting too much attention, Ghostface Killah and The Roots not getting enough attention, Saddam, Gerald Ford, James Brown, Syd Barret, and Robert Altman's deaths, disappointing albums from The Killers, Ministry, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and the Revolting cocks, The Republicans losing, George Clooney doing an incredibly self-important oscar speech, a new guilty pleasure in The Sounds, Family Guy sucking, then suddenly regaining some momentum, the headbutt seen 'round the world, and this worthless little blog. So long 2006, you will/won't be missed.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

gary floyd vs. Hugo Chavez, and more

-I have a feeling I probably did better on my test yesterday than I did on Monday. So you don't need to worry about me.   -My neighbors upstairs are making a racket again. I'm telling the CA tomorrow.   -Bill Clinton wentr off on some guy on Fox News. Now, I know kkktookmybabyaway will disagree with me on this, but I don't blame the guy. If I were on Fox News, I would have lost it too.   -Also, Hugo Chavez, who's probably a hero to CheesalaIsGood, called Bush the devil. My thoughts: You know hippies, just because he ripped on Bush does not make him a hero. I rip on Bush, and I'm not a hero because of that. Where's my high-five from Danny Glover? Hell, Jon Stewart seems to hate the guy, so of course, obnoxious Che Guvera shirt wearers turn on him when he does so.   Oh, and Venezuala ain't all that great. Hell, just be glad you can rip on Bush without being arrested here. If you rip on Hugo in Venezuala, you get sent to jail. Yeah, he's a real fucking hero, isn't he you socialist wannabes.   There, I'm done ranting.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

gary floyd vs. Anarchist Punk Cocksuckers

-Well, there were riots in Copenhagen over the past few days. Apparently, it's because a group of squatters failed to move out of the shitty place they were living in (even though they had been officialy evicted), and instead of moving to another abandoned building like they were told to (they had TWO FUCKING WEEKS to do this) they threw a temper tantrum and had a big riot, and invited all their asshole "Anarchist" friends from other parts of Europe to burn cars, destroy building, throw shit at police, and basically endanger the lives of others because they didn't get what they want.   And people wonder why I can't take certain protestors seriously.   Really, when I think about it, I hate "Anarchist Punks" more than than hippies, and that's saying something. These worthless fucks think that they don't have to work or go to college or in any way do something for society like everybody else does, and that they are entitled to act like assholes and endanger the lives of innocent civilians if they don't get what they want. Never mind that Copenhagen is a Democratically ruled society, and most of the Country looks down on these worthless shitlickers, but no, they feel the need to act like worthless jack-off's because they were evicted, and let me repeat this, had two weeks to move out.   So, instead of doing the civilised thing and actually moving out, they instead cause shit like this. Yes, because they had to move out (and didn't want to), they caused a massive riot. Do any of these people actually care about the innocent people who could be (or may have already been) killed? Of course not. Hell, most of the people involved in rioting didn't care about whatever cause, they just wanted to destroy things.   What's more disturbing (but not suprising) is the fact that some assholes will of course try to rationalize and defend this, but there's nothing to defend here. This isn't the L.A. Riots, where I don't agree with rioting, but I can understand why it happened. No, this is the WTO protests from a while back, where most of the rioters had no idea what they were protesting, they just wanted to wreck shit. This is like seeing the kid screaming in anger about world trade while wearing fucking Nike Tennis Shoes.   So how can I sum all of this up? Simple: Fuck "Anarchists", and their supporters. They are worse than hippies. As annoying as the hippy is, at least there's a 99% chance he won't set your house on fire for petty reasons.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

gary floyd rates the new TV shows

ABC   -Pushing Daisies-Best new show of the season. It's funny, has likeable characters (and hot chicks), great visuals, an intersting plot, and more. Great stuff. A   -Dirty Sexy Money-Not too wild about what I saw. Not even Donald Sutherland can save it. D   -Cavemen-No. F   -Carpoolers-Not even the presence of Kids in the Hall member Bruce McCulloch as a writer can make this good. Cliched and disappointing, as it could have been great. C-   -Big Shots-Sucks. I miss the shoe "Titus." F   NBC   -Chuck-The geek gimmick can occasionally get annoying, but it's still good stuff. B   -Journeyman-I really have wanted to like the show, and while Kevin McKidd is great, I have yet to be really involved. C+   -Bionic Woman-I really wanted to like this one also, but so far, it's just so-so. C   -Life-Good, but not great. It's fun, but formulaic. B-   Fox   -K-Ville-Also fun but formulaic. The thing that makes it is the cast, particularly Anthony Anderson. B-   -Back To You-Boring, with the exception of Fred Willard. D+   CBS   -The Big Bang Theory-From the producers of "2 1/2 Men." So yeah, it's not good. D-   -Cane-Interesting, and well acted, but a bit of a let down. C+   -Moonlight-Vampires as PI's? No thanks. F   -Viva Laughlin!-This is...well, it's something. It's a horrible show, but it's like a bad acid trip kind of horrible, as it's something you saw, hallucinated (well, it feels like it) and wish you never did see. F   The CW   -Aliens in America-Not too bad. The leads have great chemistry, and Adhir Kalayan could be the season's breakout star. Plus, it's got the kid from "The Hills Have Eyes" remake. B   -Reaper-The second best show of the season. Ray Wise gives the season's best performance as Satan. A   -Gossip Girl-Haven't seen it.   -Life is Wild-Ditto.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

Gary Floyd rates the new Fall TV Line Up

Yeah, you know how we do this   Valentine (CW)-Haven't seen it. A lot of the new shows seem aimed at women.   Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Cartoon Network)-While I'm not a "Star Wars" fan, it's better than expected. B-   Pushing Daisies(ABC)-It's back, and I still love it. Funny, odd, and kinda cute. A   True Blood(HBO)-Finally, a TV show about Vampires that gets it right. Good acting, interesting characters, and vampires who don't hate themselves. B+   The Shield: The Final Season(FX)-Back, and still one of the best shows around. Shame it's the last season though. A+   Sons of Anarchy (FX)-Pretty good show. Ron Perlman pretty much steals the show. B+   Superjail (Adult Swim)-I love this. Frequently gory and hilarious, with an animation style that reminds me of the shows that were on MTV's "Liquid Television" and "Cartoon Sushi" B+   Gary Unmarried-No. Just no. F It's Always Sunny in Philidelphia (FX)-Still pretty funny, and I love it. B+   Do Not Disturb (ABC)-Again, no. F   Fringe (Fox)-Not bad, but not really exciting me that much so far. B   Knight Rider (NBC)-Worst show of the season? Without a doubt. F Dexter Season Three (Showtime)-I love this show. Just really well written and acted, and with very few flaws. A   Chuck Season Two (NBC)-I'm really liking it so far-it's even better than the first season. B+
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Funny/Not Funny

-Funny: Last nights episode of South Park. I never played an MMORPG or whatever those things are called, but last nights episode was great. Also, it made fun of idiots who use phrases like "noob" and "pwned". I know I'll sound like an old man, but come on people, speak fucking english   -Not Funny: Freakshow. I really wanted to like this show, and while there were some amusing aspects, it just didn't work. A shame really, since it's from David Cross.   -Funny: The whole Mark Foley scandel. Now they are blaming alchoholism for his kiddie lust. I've been drunk before, and never once did I want to fuck a kid.   -Not Funny: Last Monday's edition of Raw. The Return of DX was annoying to begin with, but now it's just pathetic.   -Funny: "My Name Is Earl" and "The Office." Great stuff. Can't wait for tonight's episodes. Oh, Rain Wilson and Ethan Suplee rule.   -Not Funny: Last Sunday's SNL. While I'm glad Sanz is finally gone, why did Parnell have to leave? He was one of the good ones. Oh, and Dane Cook really sucks.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Fucking neighbors

-Well, the last two nights have sucked. Two nights ago, idiots outside kept me awake. Last night, I was asleep...until 4:26 AM, when the person who lives right above me felt the need not only to talk really load with friends, but also blare music. Even ear plugs couldn't block the noise out. Can't a guy get some fucking sleep? I know, it's college, but come on, I have classes in the fucking morning. Keep it down for God's sake   -Pope Benedict is still behing the times, currently denouncing science. You know, when John Paul was Pope, science was actually embraced sometimes. Bet you didn't know that.   -I didn't see the ABC docudrama on 9/11. It pissed off some democracts, claiming it had some of it's facts wrong. Again, I wouldn't know, because I skipped it.   -I also skipped the season premire of "Family Guy", though you probably know that I've grown tired of it. I did catch "American Dad" however, though it was disappointing.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Fuck You Super Adventure Club!

Last nights episode of "South Park" was excellent. I basically have a feeling that the creators are done ripping on Scientology (which for now on will be known as Super Adventure Club, starting...now), which is ok. Plus, you can tell that they really are going to miss Isaac, though I hear he still performs "Salty Chocolate Balls" live.   Randy Orton changed his theme song briefly I hear. I don't watch Smackdown, so I really wouldn't know. At least he doesn't have Nickleback as his theme music.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Frozen Scream (Day 10)

10.) Frozen Scream (1981) *

Plot: Mad Scientists (including late minor cult movie icon Renee Harmon) discover a new technology that turns people into remote controlled/frozen zombies that kill.

Review: "Frozen Scream" isn't just a bad movie-it's a frustrating one at that. The premise (though campy) is at least original, yet it fails. Why?

Well for starters, the acting (save Harmon, who's icy, emotionless performance is sort of interesting) is dreadful. Harmon is clearly the only person in the movie with any acting experience, as everybody else obviously has little to no experience in the field. The only things that break the tedium are the loud (and weird) electronic score (half of the movies cues are from the notably awful backwoods slasher flick Don't Go In The Woods-which H. Kingsley Thurber also scored) and the (unconvincing) gore effects, both of which have a weird low budget charm.

The biggest problems though, are the inability to do anything with the interesting premise, and the general uneventfulness of the whole thing. The movie has a goofy but original premise, but it never realizes the potential that it has. Instead, people just babble on incessantly about immortality. It's a movie where you keep waiting for something-anything- to happen, and while a few things do happen (eyeball violence is always welcome), not enough does happen.

Still, it's at least better than the Shot On Camcorder zombie movies reviewed here, though that isn't saying much.

* The IMDB and a few other sources may say that the movie was made and released in 1975- but it actually came out in 1981.

Rating: 3/10 There's some minor pluses, but they are far too many minuses to make it good. Instead, "Frozen Scream" is a total bore.

Next Movie: Zombie Holocaust
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

French Horror Part 2: Present

-Deep in the Woods (2000)-Eh, mostly uneventful about a group of artists hunted by a slasher. You've seen it before, and you've seen it done better.   -Brotherhood of the Wolf (2001)-Though more action than horror, this badass little entry was a hit in it's home country, and helped bring the new wave of French Horror. Basically, a dude and his Native American Friend (played by Mark Dacascos from that horrible Double Dragon movie) in 18th Century France must solve the mystery behind a group of killings caused by a beast (created by Jim Henson's Workshop).   -Trouble Every Day (2001)-Despite being about sex and cannibalism, and a cool score by The Tindersticks, this is really just a dull, pretentious art house flick that just happens to have graphic sex and gore.   -Irréversible (2002)- Ouch. The most brutal, unflinching tale of rape and revenge since I Spit on Your Grave contains an ugly bludgening and a 9 minute rape scene. The movie is told in backwards time (like Memento), but it still packs an ugly as hell punch.   -Bloody Mallory (2002)-Ugh. A bad Horror/Comedy about a group of Paranormal Fighters that fuck around for the hell of it. If the Anti-Catholic sentiment doesn't offend you, the sub par Troma level humor and bad Buffy rip-off of a plot will.   -In My Skin (2002)-A woman recieves a disfiguring accident, and becomes fascinated by the wound...and then things get uncomfortable. A really painful (not in the bad sense) movie about a woman's erotic obsession with self mutilation. As far as Artsy French horror goes, this is a a major step up from "Trouble Every Day."   -Maléfique (2002)-Four inmates sharing a cell find a book of the occult. As you can guess, things go bad. Gory, suspense filled movie just recently got a U.S. DVD release after several years of online hype.   -High Tension (2003)-The movie that helped define the current wave of violent but suspensful French Horror may have a dreadful twist, but it's still a great horror movie. An impressive debut that shows recent slashers like Hatchet how it's done.   -They Came Back (2004)-The dead have come back. Not to consume our flesh, but to live their lives again. Not gory, but still haunting, those expecting a straight forward zombie movie will be disappointed. Those looking for something different will be pleased.   -Sheitan (2006)-Watchable but mediocre tale of "Hostel" like antics (no, not torture) and satanism. The real reason to watch this is Vincent Cassel, who's a hoot.   -Them (2006)-No, not a remake of the legendary Giant Ant movie. Here, a couple in an isolated country home, only to find themselves fighting for their lives against hooded assailants. Not a gorefest, but a great suspense flick with plenty of tense moments.   -Frontier(s) (2007)-A group of protestors find themselvs in deep shit when they run into a family of Nazi cannibals. While hardly original, (echoes of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Descent, Hostel, Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, and other movies fill this sucker), it's still a fun little gorefest that actually got taken out of the "8 Fims to Die For" competition because of it's NC-17 rating.   -Inside (2007)-The best recent French horror movie so far (and the best horror movie of the year so far-it came to the U.S. in April) is an excellent blend of stomach churning gore and nail biting suspense. The premise is simple, but effective: A pregnant woman is terrorized in her house by a madwoman who wants what's inside of her. I won't say anything else. Just see it, you won't regret it.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

French Horror Movies Part 1: The Past

I know, I know, LOL France. Well, they've given us some great horror movies in the past, and as of late, they are kicking our ass in the quality horror department ("Inside" is the best horror movie to come out this year.) Here's part 1, which takes a look at older French Horror Moves. Part 2 (Recent Ones) is tomorrow.   -Un Chien Andalou (1929)-Silent Surrealist movie. Ever heard of/seen that weird black and white silent movie that opens with an eyeball slit open by a straight razor? This is that movie.   -Diabolique (1955)-Awesome, Hitchcock like tale of suspense about two women who kill a cruel headmaster. But is he really dead? Excellent all around, and one of the best foreign horror movies ever made.   -Eyes Without a Face (1960)-The best French Horror movie ever made IMO, this movie is about a Surgeon who kidnaps women and removes their faces (complete with surgical gore!) to help restore his daughter's face. A tragic, dreamlike movie, with one of the creepiest (and simplist) masks in horror history. Fun fact: Michael Meyer's mask was inspired by the one here. Oh, and yes, Les Yeux Sans Visage does translate to the movie's title.   -Rape of the Vampire (1967)-Old Jean Rollin movie (not the first one mentioned here) is really two erotic horror tales in one, involving three girls who may be vampires.   -The Tenant (1976)-Roman Polanski's other horror tale (the others include "Repulsion", "The Fearless Vampire Killers", and "Rosemary's Baby"), this movie about a Tenant slowly loosing his mind is a classic piece of paranoia that everybody should see.   -The Grapes of Death (1978)-Jean Rollin's unique take on the zombie movie deals with pesticide in the vineyards creating zombie like killers. Atmospheric but never slow, it should make zombie fans happy. What won't make zombie fans happy is Rollins' other zombie movie, the awful in every way Zombie Lake (1981).   -Living Dead Girl (1982)-Rollin's third zombie movie is better this time around, with enough blood and sex (including a gratuitous lesbian scene) to make Explotation fans happy. Not as good as Grapes of Death though.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Food Network Funky Shit

Well, what did i do other than read, waste time on the internet, and see "Casino Royale" over the weekend? I watched something I never really do watch: The Food Network. As I was watching it, here's the personalities that stuck out the most.   Emeril: I swear, this man is on drugs, because I haven't seen an adult man this excited on television in a long time. The sheer hyperactivity is alarming, because you are waiting for him to have a heart attack down the road. Really, I'm suprised to see that the man is still alive.   Rachael Ray: She's not that ugly. Sure, she sounds like a guy, but she has a decent body. She's pretty damn annoying though, and from what I hear, she has a daytime talkshow now. It's amazing to see a woman so oppsessed with making quick meals.   Alton Brown: AKA Mr. Know it all. This guy really seems to think that he is God's gift to food related television programs. The "humor" applied to his "Good Eats" show is piss poor at best. Also, he looks like a child molester. Come on, look at the motherfucker, he practically screams "Hey kid, I've got candy in my car. Wanna hop in?"   Paula Dean: I have officially found a new induction into my "creepy television" list. This woman honestly scares the shit out of me with her cheerful demenor, love of all things fat and buttery, ungrateful brats, creepy smile, and well, the list goes on. There is no way this lady will ever have a heart attack, since her entire bloodstream is obviously made up of mayo, butter, fat, and high levels of sodium and cholesterol. She's always smiling, which leads me to think she's got some serious psychological issues. Come on, no one smiles that damn much. She's almost always cheerful, causing me to wonder if she's got corpses of sexually abused children in her home like Gacy did. Oh, then there's her two adult sons. Holy shit, is there a bigger pair of fucking ungrateful brats on television today? I think not. Honestly, if I were Paula Dean, I would have killed myself years ago.   So those are the 4 people on The Food Network that scare me the most.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

7
How To Vibrate
 

Foley's Missing Ear

-It seems like Mel Gibson was caught being a drunk jackass. Oh, and he hates the Jews. I would talk about how I'm not suprised, but I'm still waiting for kkktookmybabyaway to make an offensive statement.   -I watched some show called "Little Britain" last night, and to be honest, I still don't see what all the fuss is about. It's funny the first few times, but it loses all that it is when you realize that it's basically the same jokes over and over again. Kind of like the "Astronaut Jones" skits: It was funny at first, but it soon get's repetitive.   -Also, "Moral Orel" isn't too funny either. I know it's a parody of "Davey and Goliath", but it tries so hard to be offensive, that it's just boring instead of funny. Also, the creators seem to have a real ax to grind with religion and their parents, which just adds to the tedium. Just quit trying to shock people, and try to focus on actually being funny.   -Ann Coulter claims that Bill Clinton is gay. I can confirm that this is true. Hey, I was drunk, he's famous, and one thing led to another.   -I really can't wait for "The Descent" to come out on Friday. Out of all the movies this summer, this is the one I'm waiting for the most.   That's all for now.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

Final Best and Worst of Awards 08

-Comercials that most need to end-The Geico Cavemen. Look, it was amusing at first, but it got old fast. Now it's gotten past the point of flogging a dead horse-it's practically sodomizing it. The more I see these, the more annoyed I get.   -The finally cancelled award-Mind of Mencia and MadTV. While Mencia was horrible, it didn't pollute the airwaves as long as MadTV did. For giving the world terrible music video parodies, Ms. Swan, Stuart (I want to personally kill Michael McDonald), that annoying old lady who plugged her ears and said "La La La" over and over again, Bobby Lee, and helping to make Frank Caliendo a star, it may be the worst comedy show in history. At least it gave us Nicole Sullivan (who has always been easy on the eyes,), Phil Lamarr (who's turned out to be a pretty good voice actor), and Artie Lang, but that doesn't make for a case for forgivness. The crimes it has comitted are far too numerous.   -People actually like this?-Twilight. Really, when I was a kid, I saw a picture of Nosferatu. It gave me nightmares. Vampires should be cool, not this retarded shit. This almost makes the goth chic vampires of "Underworld" and their ilk look tolerable.   -Worst Food Network Personality-Guy Fieri. In a network with Paula Deen and Rachel Ray (who I'd fuck given the chance), this bleach blonede, sunglasses on the back of my head wearing douche makes my blood boil. My hatred of this man knows no bounds.   -Best type of Metal-Doom Metal. I like Technical Death Metal and Thrash and some Black Metal, but Doom is the best.   -Worst Critic-Armond White. A man who unironically references the Ting-Tings, hated "The Dark Knight", "Milk", "There Will Be Blood", "Slumdog Millionaire", and other acclaimed movies, but loved "Norbit" and "Chuck and Larry", he has to be a practical joke.   -Most Certifiable insane Presidential candidates-Cynthia McKinney and Lee Mercer jr. McKinney believes 9/11 conspiracies, that the government killed 5,000 men in New Orleans, and hates the Jews (kkktookmybabyaway comment forthcoming.) Mercer though-it's a shame his site is gone, because he was a whole golden pot of insanity. He also looked an awful lot like Michael Clark Duncan. Look him up on Google, you will be entertained for hours.   -Worst Avatar-Anyone with their picture as an Avatar-especially Enigma and NoCalMike. I can't believe I used to like Mike.   -Farewell To These Shows-"The Shield", "Pushing Daisies", and "The Wire." Shield and Wire are tied for me as best crime show ever, and had great runs, and while "Daisies" isn't gone yet, it will be soon. At least I still have "The Venture Bros."   -One Gets Worse and One Gets Better-"Family Guy" and "American Dad." "Family Guy" is so terrible now, I wonder if Seth isn't pulling some kind of "Wacky Deli" style prank on us. "American Dad" however, is much better, as it actually is funny, pays attention to things like plot and characterization, and doesn't rely on bad cut away gags. Plus, the social commentary is less forced and preachy.   -Worst Wrestling Promotion-TNA. I rarely mention wrestling here anymore, but TNA is like WCW in it's late period levels bad. It's like some kind of Dadaist interpretation of Professional Wrestling.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

Favorite Hip Hop songs, part 1

Zapp & Roger - More Bounce to the Ounce More R&B/Funk than hip hop, but the amount of artists that have sampled it (Coolio, Compton's Most Wanted, Brotha Lynch Hung, Ice Cube, Public Enemy, Insane Clown Posse, EPMD, and many more) makes it impossible to resist, especially the awesome beat. The best use of the song as a sample source goes to EPMD's "You Got's Ta Chill" and Ice Cube'ss "Steady Mobbin'"   Public Enemy - Shut 'em Down One of their angriest songs, with an incredibly hard hitting beat, vitrolic lyrics, and more, it's one of the groups last hurrah's before they hit mediocrity.   Wu Tang Clan - Grave Pit Awesome rhymes, a great use of Gap Band samples, excellent chorus (I hum it to myself regularly), and we go back, and forth...   Ice Cube - Ghetto Vet Carnival mentioned this song in the past, and it's a good one. Probably Cube's most underrated song.   Erik B. & Rakim - I Know You Got Soul One of the early examples of using James Brown samples, it's also one of the best. Rakim may be the closest thing Hip Hop has ever had to having God on the mic, and the samples and breaks just makes it a great cut.   Man Parrish - Boogie Down Bronx Though "Hip Hop Be Bop" is more well known (and was used to great effect in "Shaun of the Dead"), "Boogie Down Bronx" is Man Parrish's best song.   Big Daddy Kane - Ain't No Half Steppin' "I stop and stand strong over MC’s/ And devour with the power of Hercules" That is still one of the best lines in Hip Hop history.   Afrika Bambaataa + Soul Sonic Force - Planet Rock Yeah, so some old school hip hop has mediocre rhymes, but this is still great. Everything from the Kraftwerk sample, tot he influence the song has on Hip Hop, House, and Electro. It would be a crime not to include it.   Dr. Dre feat. Snoop Doggy Dogg - Deep Cover While I also love "Nothin' But a G Thang", "Deep Cover" is the best Dre/Snoop collaberation.   Dr. Dre - Lyrical Gangbangs One of the most underrated Dre songs, with a pounding, metallic snare drum beat, and maybe some of his best wok on the mic.   Don't worry, there's more to come.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

Favorite Hip Hop songs part 3

Notorious BIG - Suicidal Thoughts "When I die, fuck it I wanna go to hell"   Dr. Dre/Snoop Dogg - Fuck With Dre Day I've mentioned this song before. Hip Hop amazes me in it's homophobia: It constantly attacks on homosexuals and the gay lifestyle, yet talks more about gay sex than a gay porn director.   Grand Master Flash and the Furious 5 - The Message A "favorite hio hop songs" list without this song? Fuck that.   A Tribe Called Quest - Jazz (We've Got) I really love this song. It's the group in their prime, it's one of the best examples of hip hop and jazz fusing together, and the organ kicks ass. There's some great tour stories involving these guys.   "Strictly hardcore tacks/not a New Jack Swing"   Dr. Octagon - Real Raw Dr Octagonecologyst is a great album, and this is the best song on it. It's a shame that Keith was never able to live it down (though Sex Style comes awfully close)   Mantronix - Bassline From the first (and best) Mantronix album, this is a great example of electro hip hop.   Erik B. & Rakim - Paid in Full The "7 Minutes of Madness" mix by Coldcut is even better.   LL Cool J - Rock the Bells Sure, "Momma Said" is good, but it doesn't even come close to this one.   Nas - The World is Yours Um, yeah. The best song he ever did, bar none Tell me otherwise. Come on, I dare ya.   Mobb Deep - Shook Ones Pt. II Yep, they were good once, believe it or not. I really love the piano loop.   The Roots -Silent Treatment Whether or not it's their best song is debatable, but it's a great song, and probably my favorite of theirs.   De La Soul - Say No Go While De La Soul is Dead is their best album, this is their best song.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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