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It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

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How To Vibrate
 

That's the way it is

-Well, Hillary announced she had presidential aspirations. I really don't think it's a good idea. Most people, Republican and Democrat, don't want her to run, though she does have a better chance of winning than Kucinich, but a wounded puppy has a better chance than him. Me, I'm getting behind Obama or Richardson.   -In better news, the remake of "The Hitcher" didn't exactly tear up the box office. It almost seems like people are finally starting to get tired of shitty remakes of horror classics, though that won't stop anytime soon. I hear "Friday the 13th" and (sigh) "The Birds" are the next planned remakes.   If you ask me, if you are going to remake a horror movie, remake one that nobody knows about, or was bad to begin with. For example, I like George Romero's "The Crazies", but I wouldn't mind a remake of it. Also, look at Tobe Hoopers take on the "Toolbox Murders", which was a remake of a shitty horror movie, and much better than the original. Hell, why not remake a movie like "Prom Night" or Zombie Creeping Flesh." Both are shitty horror movies that few people know about or remember, and those that do don't exactly have fond memories of them, so remaking them woudn't cause a fit.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

14-12

Judas Priest-Turbo 14.) Judas Priest-Turbo Priest try 80's pop metal. As you'd expect, it goes wrong. "Turbo Lover" is pretty embarrising (and their gayest song ever-yes, even gayer than "Ram it Down"), and the album ends up sounding like Poison recording a Judas Priest tribute album instead of a Judas Priest album. It's also another album trying to keep up with then modern trends (in this case, pop metal) and sounds incredibly dated, from the synth guitar to corny attempts at anthems.   13.) Van Halen-Van Halen III Remember when Gary Cherone from Extreme was the frontman for Van Halen? If you do, then I'm sorry that I had to bring that up. Everything from the generic 90's album cover, poor attempts at political commentary (Yeah Eddie, you stick it to the man!), songs that sound too much like redo's of past Van Halen songs, a bland rhythm section, and worst of all, generic guitar riffs from Eddie-yes, you read that right-is horrible. This was also the last studio album from Van Halen, and not the best way to go.   12.) Depeche Mode-Songs of Faith and Devotion Live In spite what some will tell you, Songs of Faith and Devotion is a pretty good album. It's not their best one, and there are a few clunkers ("Get Right With Me" and "One Caress"), but it's still good. The follow up release six months later, is basically a live version of that album. It's a pretty bad album, with Dave Gahan sounding ragged and uninterested, to the failed attempts at giving the songs some extra muscle, to the bland live instrumentation, the whole album is a clunker. At least they followed it up with Ultra, which is their most underrated album. This is still pretty bad, and the worst album they rever recorded.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

All Hail Chocolate City, and It's Vanilla Suburbs

-Well, the weather around here has really improved, though according to the Weather Channel, it will rain on Thursday.   -Christ, college is really beating me with homework. I've got a second draft of a short story to complete, three reviews of short stories, an essay on a poem, and various other things. That's what you get in the last two weeks of college.   -"The Da Vinci Code" is the #1 movie in America. Maybe I won't have to hear about it all of the time from the news now.   -People in the community I live in are pretty fucking loud right now. I have constantly had to hear yelling cursing, yelling and cursing, and other such things every day and every night, and it's annoying.   -I slept funny two nights ago, so right now, my shoulder is killing me. I can't even walk without feeling a bit of pain.   Gotta go and do more homework. Next time: More complaints and grieviences, and maybe an amusing website.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

The Most overrated Horror Movies ever made

Earlier, I promised that yuou would see my list of what I think are the most overrated Horror Movies ever. Well, here's my list.   -Friday the 13th Part 4-I never got the love for this one. Sure, it's got some nice kills, but it's also not the best of the series (I think that would have to be Part 2). Plus, Jason is killed by Cory Feldman. Seriously, of all the people, why him?   -The Lost Boys-Everyone seems to love this one but me. Sure, it has it's moments, but compared to "From Dusk Till Dawn" or "Near Dark" (which came out that year), it's inferior. Check out "Near Dark" instead, which is considered a horror classic for good reasons.   -Cannibal Holocaust-Whether or not it inspired Blair Witch is beyond the point: this one is not as good as it's reputation says it is. Sure, the score is nice, and it is disturbing at times, but for the most part it fails due to some weak gore and the fact that it tries so hard to shock you, that you just grow bored. Then there's the whole "I wonder who the real savages are" ending which is forced and contrived. Seriously, this movie condemning sensationalism while wallowing in rape, tortue, and animal mutilation is pretty hypocritical.   -Zombi 2-Lucio Fulci's gorefest is actually kind of a bore. While the good parts work, the movie is mostly really talky and boring. To those who say it's better than Romero's zombie movies: Romero's Zombie movies have interesting characters you sympathize for, have much better acting, are more professional, have a plot you can follow, and are better than this movie could ever be. Oh, and there's the fact that some talk about the film pulling off social commentary. To those who think that: Fulci always thought that such things didn't belong in his movies/   -April Fools Day-It's ironic that so many horror fans hate "Scream" but love this movie, which is more self aware, and thinks that it's smarter than it's audience. I will agree that the sequals to Scream (and the many knock offs) do fall for that trap.   -NOES 3-I have to admit, I only liked the first NOES movies. I personally think that once Freddy started saying one liners and such, the series began to suck. To this day, the popularity of this movie alludes me.      
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

2007 Music Review

Best Albums: LCD Soundsystem-Sound of Silver, Jay Z-American Gangster, Grinderman-Grinderman, Alcest -Souvenirs d'Un Autre Monde, !!!-Myth Takes.   Worst Albums: Timbaland-Shock Value, The Stooges-The Weirdness   Best Song: Jay Z-"Roc Boys" Alcest-"Les Iris"   Worst Song: Soulja Boy-"Crank That Soulja Boy", Avril-"Girlfriend", Fergie-"Big Girls Don't Cry"   Most Disappointing: Wu Tang Clan-The 8 Diagrams. Half a good, album half a bad one. Also, Interpol-Our Love to Admire   Worst Band: Angels & Airwaves. Tom Delonge is a pretentious faggot.   Enough Already: Fergie, Daughtry   Unwarranted Return: Garth Brooks   Guilty Pleasure: NiN-Year Zero. Probably the first NiN album I like.   Best Artist: James Murphy (LCD Soundsystem), Jay-Z, Neige (Alcest)   Worst Artist: Tom Delonge (Angels & Airwaves), Fergie   Overhyped: Arcade Fire, M.I.A., Spoon, Arctic Monkeys, Amy Winehouse, Iron & Wine, New Pornographers, Feist   Underhyped: Angels of Light, The Angelic Process, Dalek, Substanz T, The Giallo's Flame.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Music Update

I listened to two of the four CD's I bought yesterday. My Thoughts:   Can-Ege Bamyasi I don't like it as much as Tago Mago (The weird chanting/yelling in the song Soup gets annoying) but it's still awesome. This is the second album from Can I've bought, so maybe I'll buy either Future Days or Soon over Bambaala next.   Butthole Surfers-Psychic...Powerless...Another Man's Sac- I said it in the music board earlier, and I'll say it again: This is probably the funniest album they did. It's also the most punk rock sounding of their albums that I've heard. It's not as good as Locus Abortuon Technician or Rembrandt Pussyhorse, but it's still awesome.   Up next in my listening list is Massive Attack's Blue Lines and Richie Hawtin's Decks, EFX, and 909.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

38-36

38.) Frank Sinatra-Trilogy It sucks to have to put old Blue eyes here, but this album is worth mentioning on this list. This is an album that sees Frank delving into levels of bad usually reserved for Shatner. The covers (again with the covers) are pretty bad, but part three of this album is the stuff of bad music legend. Here, Blue Eyes tells us about peace and outer space, singing about time on Mars to saying, and I am not making this up, "Uranus is Heaven." Let's pretend the man never recorded this one   37.) Public Enemy-Muse Sick-N-Hour-Mess Age Sorry Chuck, but not even an awesome album cover can justify this one. Really, after Apocalypse 91, it's all dowhill from there for Public Enemy (actually that's not true-He Got Game is underrated). Here, they tell you the same thing you've heard before, and do it all in a way that's boring instead of though provoking, while the production-always a plus in PE albums-is definately lacking. If anything, they sound more like a parody instead of the real thing. That out of the way, I will give them props for not trying to change with the times.   36.) Stone Roses-Second Coming The Stone Rose's debut album is a classic example of many of the good things about Brit-Pop, and is one of the best albums of the genre. The follow up-not so much. Here, Ian Brown tries growling a bit, which is a real head scratcher. The biggest crime though, is the guitar work by John Squire, which sounds too much like a bad attempt at trying to be Led Zeppelin. After this, the band broke up, and Brown went on to a forgettable solo career.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

The Countdown Ends

02.) Vanilla Fudge-The Beat Goes On The award winner for the most pretentious album of all time, this is an album made up of covers (Vanilla Fudge were largely a covers band) of the Beatles, Sunny and Cher, Mozart, and others. There aren't any real songs on it, as it's pretty much an album made up largely of various versions of "The Beat Goes On", as we hear world leaders (yeah, the love ins are just dying out here) telling of the bomb dropping, and other such things. Bummer. Oh, and it also has interview excerpts of the band talking about how disheartening and cold the industry is. Well, they agreed to release this (and Having Fun With Elvis on Stage). Oh, and it has and readings from the Bible and JFK and Hitler and bad prog rock noodling and-the list goes on. This is the most over indulgent, self important piece of shit ever recorded. Really, listen to it, then see if you disagree with me. It takes the song "The Beat Goes On", and tries to trace it to the history of Western Civilization.   01.) VA-Sgt. Peppers Lonely Heart's Club Band OST This album is proof of everything that is evil about the record industry, and is the worst album of all time. First, the backstory: You Know of the Beatles album. Hell, I'm sure you own it. Well, the man that gave you "Saturday Night Fever" and "Grease" (I always hated those movies) decided that the album would be a great movie. So he cast The Bee-Gees, Peter Frampton, Steve Martin (why Steve), George Burns, Jeff Beck, Aerosmith, and Alice Cooper. That's right, one of the greatest albums ever recorded was turned into a failed marketing attempt. The end result is largely considered to be the worst album ever recorded, and for good reason. It also destroyed the careers of the Bee-Gees, Frampton, Earth Wind and Fire,and almost destroyed Jeff Beck Alice Cooper's. The album got released, and got so many returns and complaints, that the industry actually asked RCA for their certificate back. The rest is history.     And that is the end of it. Hope you liked the countdown. Here's a recap to end it all   50.) The new Insane Clown Posse Album. (include because Carnival hates it so much) 49.) Boston-Corporate America 48.) Coil-Constant shallowness Leads To Evil 47.) Neil Young-Landing on Water 46.) Hammer-The Funky Headhunter 45.) The Rolling Stones-Dirty Work 44.) Pink Floyd-The Final Cut 43.) A Perfect Circle-eMotive 42.) Roger Waters-Radio K.A.O.S. 41.) Current 93-Aryan Aquarians 40.) Rage Against The Machine-Renegades 39.) Yes-Big Generator 38.) Frank Sinatra-Trilogy 37.) Public Enemy-Muse Sick-N-Hour-Mess Age 36.) Stone Roses-Second Coming 35.) Emerson, Lake, and Palmer-Love Beach 34.) Cabaret Voltaire-Groovy, Laid Back, and Nasty 33.) Can-Saw Delight 32.) Burzum-Daudi Baldrs 31.) Ministry-Filth Pig 30.) The Happy Mondays-Yes, Please 29.) Death in June-All Pigs Must Die 28.) Prince-The Rainbow Children 27.) Kiss-Music for the Elder 26.) Foetus Symphony Orchestra-York 25.) Michael Jackson-HIStory 24.) Madonna-American Life 23.) Kevin Federline-Playing With Fire (because no list of worst albums would be complete without it) 22.) Vanilla Ice-Hard to Swallow 21.) Eminem-Encore 20.) Tin Machine-Tin Machine 19.)The Heads-No Talking, Just Head 18.) Slayer-Diabolus in Musica 17.) DJ Shadow-The Outsider 16.) Black Sabbath-Never Say Die! 15.) Black Sabbath-Forbidden 14.) Judas Priest-Turbo 13.) Van Halen-Van Halen III 12.) Depeche Mode-Songs of Faith and Devotion Live 11.) Genesis-Calling All Stations 10.) Butthole Surfers-The Weird Revolution 09.) The Clash-Cut the Crap 08.) Aerosmith-Rock in a Hard Place 07.) Elvis Presley-Having Fun on Stage 06.) Mick Jagger-She's the Boss 05.) Chunky A-Large and In Charge 04.) Metallica-St. Anger 03.) Pink Floyd-A Momentary Lapse in Reason 02.) Vanilla Fudge-The Beat Goes On 01.) VA-Sgt. Peppers Lonely Heart's Club Band OST            
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Fair Haired Child (Masters of Horror)

Anyways, I saw the Master of Horror Episode "Fair Haired Child" last night. Other than one disappointment, it's pretty good. It's not the best episode, but it ties with Argento's episode ("Jennifer") as the creepiest. The whole thing has a great atmosphere, and it's probably the best thing that William Malone has directed yet. Plus, the acting was good, and the score was top notch. The only real flaw IMO, is the Fair Haired Child itself. The episode does such a good job at building this mounting dread about the creature, but when we finally see it, it's just not that great. It looks too much like the title character in the Aphex Twin video "Rubber Johnny" to be scary. Other than that, it's a good episode, and probably the most atmospheric episode of the series so far.   The next episode is called "Sick Girl", and is directed by Lucky ("May") McKee. Remember folks, it's on Friday at 10 on Showtime.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

The Covenent, The Swrd, & The Arm of the Lord

-Well, Bush is still saying he won't pull out of Iraq. I would be angry, but at this point, it's such a non-suprise, I just can't throw a fit. It still pisses me off, but I can't do anything about it, so what's the use in complaining?   -Be sure to check out Masters of Horror...oh, why bother? I'm obviously the only person on this board who watches MoH, so what's the fucking point?   -As far as Christmas goes, I want an IPod, two t-shirts, a CD, and maybe a DVD. Yep, that's it. Hey, IPods are damn expensive.   -I rented "See No Evil" recently, and as expected, it sucked. Fortunately, it's laughably bad, and has two or three cool kills, so I'll give it that. That out of the way, I don't think Jason Voorhees would see any competition in Kane.   -Speaking of Horror movies, I'll probably check out "Turistas" tomorrow. I doubt it will be good, but T want to see an R-rated Horror movie in theatres, and I missed "Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning."
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

20-18

20.) Tin Machine-Tin Machine It may predate 90's guitar fueled grunge, but still...David Bowie, what were you thinking? Even if it predates it, Tin Machine, Bowies more Hard rock side project, is still half baked, uninspired grunge. The album even has the gall to cover Lennon's "Working Class Hero", and well...damnit Bowie. The project was pretty much hated by everyone, and is best left as a bad memory, though there were two more Tin Machine albums.   19.)The Heads-No Talking, Just Head The Talking Heads without David Byrne=no. Really, just no. Featuring a variety of leads singers (including Debbie Harry, Richard Hell, and others), it doesn't sound like the Talking Heads as much as it does a really bad dream. Featuring an embarrising stab at pseudo NIN Industrial rock ("Damage I've Done"), shitty stabs at punk/new wave ("Punk Lolita") and other sad moments. At least it was the only Heads album.   18.) Slayer-Diabolus in Musica What does Slayer sound like when they experiment with Hardcore? Not very good. To be fair, their experiments in Hardcore had their moments in the past (Divine Intervention isn't as bad as some say it is), but it still sounds bad, as the whole Hardcore thing had lost its usefulness, and it sounds like a band doing a parody of a Slayer album. The album itself is low on new ideas (They are still talking about Religion, Serial Killers, and War), and musically, lets just say songs like "Overt Enemy", "In The Name of God", and "Perversions of Pain" aren't their best moments.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Master of Reality

-Matt Young's telling us about his personal life again. Matt, here's some advice: It would be best not to tell people too much about your personal life. Seriously, if there is anything you need to work on, it's that. Not because of people not caring, but because it reflects really badly on you. This is one of the reasons I tend to be hush hush on my personal life. Actually, it's mostly because my personal life is fucking boring, but I digress.   -I'm going to see 1408 tonight. Normally, I don't check out PG-13 rated horror flicks, but it's been getting good reviews, and has a great cast.   -I checked out TNA last night out of boredom, and wasn't too impressed. Sure, Samoa Joe is great, and I love some of the guys there, but it was still kind of boring. It felt a bit like a mix of WCW Nitro and WCW Worldwide. Also, I'm suprised nobody on the boards is now called "Black Machismo." Oh, and poor Jarrett.   -My new favorite Youtube video. It sounds more like a stuck pig than a dog.        
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

11-9

11.) Genesis-Calling All Stations You think Genesis with Phil Collins as the focus sucks? Well, they suck harder without him believe it or not. Here, the band tries to combine their pop success with their art-rock genius of the 70's. The end result? An over polished, over indulgent, synth heavy (in the bad sense), and horrible songs like "Congo" and "Small Talk." I remember being a teenager, and one of my mom's friends talking about how bad it is, and the Daily Show making fun of it. That's the only good that came out of it.   10.) Butthole Surfers-The Weird Revolution I love the Butthole Surfers. There 80's albums are the most disturbing Psychedelic Rock albums ever recorded. This 2001 however, almost makes you forget those great moments. Filled with generic Beck soundalikes, bland industrial rock/trip hop mixes, none of the awesome guitar work of Leary, and a song produced by Kid Rock of all people. (So for those who were wondering were Kid Rock was in this countdown, here you go.)   09.) The Clash-Cut the Crap Crap indeed. After Mick Jones left the Clash, Joe Strummer (may he R.I.P.) tried to do an album that sounded like old punk-quick and to the point. The album itself doesn't cut it (pun intened), as it sounds like a bad parody of punk. It also sounds formullaic, boring, and lyrically horrendous. This was the last Clash album also, though Strummer went to do much better things.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Falwell, Friends List

-Well, Jerry Falwell kicked the bucket, and will most likely live in a personal hell of homosexuals. He'll be missed by-ah, who am I kidding? I always hated the fucker, so good riddence. I'm not going to celebrate, but I sure as hell won't miss him.   -Oh, I'm suprised it took me this long, but I added people to my friends list: The people I added:   Lushus Carnival Coat is my Father Czech KOAB Special K   If you want added, let me know.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Why I prefer this place to Myspace and Livejournal

The fact that they allowed shit like this. At least they are deleting it. Here's some choice quotes, with choice crazy bolded.   So, why would they (Livejournal) even let shit like this exist on their website in the first place?   Jesus Christ, isn't that illegal?   Lady, you write fanporn. You aren't Stephen King Or Ambrose Bierce or William Burroughs. You aren't a legitimate author.   See comment # 3   In short: Fans are sickos and need to be neutered.   If you write a story like that, you are a fucking pedophile. End of discussion.   Apparently, Harry Potter fans are middle agerd, sexually repressed housewives who feel the need to write about underaged fictional characters fucking one another.   That's 4,468 people who should be in jail for most likely owning kiddie porn.   In short, the internet is the ultimate support group for the completely disgusting.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

More Entries about Buildings and Food

-For those who don't know, the whole Benoit thing not only continues to be fucked up, but has become a "media circus", as you might say. Thw Warrior is supposed to give us his Warrior Wisdom on Hannity and Colmes tonight, Nancy "I'm an Insufferable Cunt" Grace has been well, an insufferable cunt, O'Rilley and Geraldo "The Moustache of Time" Rivera have been jackasses, Debra made me feel bad for her, Jericho saved the day by being the most rational, and the WWE folder continues to suck. That last part isn't anything new though.   The real winner as far as embarresment so far, has been Chyna. Here's somebody that's living proof of how one can fall from grace. She's gone from being a notable figure in the wrestling (who was never really a good worker) to becoming a coked up, bordering on fat mess. Her porn tape destroyed the sanity of many (Me, I've seen much worse), and it's a bizarre blend of depressing and hilarious. Just remember: No matter how bad things are, at least you aren't Chyna.   -The Beastie Boys (remember back when they were good?) have a new album made up completely of instrumentals, and it sucks. It's just really boring and unmotivated, without anything that hasn't been done before, only they've done it better (the instrumental breaks in Check Your Head and Ill Communication, the retro cool of In Sound From Way Out), and others have done much better. It's at least a better ablum than To the 5 Burroughs (which had one good single in "C-c-c-check It Out") and Hello Nasty (good singles, nothing else). If anything it's cheap, and probably makes alright background music for those times you wanna smoke pot. Oh, and it does have a few (repeat, a few) decent tracks.   -Finally, here's Rosie O Donnell's daughter Yes, that's really her. Right now, Tom Selleck is smiling, and I don't blame him. It's amazing that in the world of obnoxius female celebrities, Rosie is the only one who pisses me off.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Happy Labour Day

-Yeah, happy labour day. Just don't whine over it and enjoy it while you can.   -Anyways, since it's labour day, all the stores and such on campus are closed. I'll be headed to a store later on (probably Meijer) to get an alarm clock. Oh, and classes start tomorrow, so wish me luck.   -Hugo Chavez is starting to win my heart, though not because of his policies or the fact that he's pretty much going to fuck up Venezuela. It's because he's insane to the point of comedy. Really, at this point, he comes off more as a goofy cartoon villain, and it's a riot. He's like some kind of heel you'd find in pro wrestling. Here's a great quote from the Something Awful forums:     -The new Halloween is the top movie in the box office. I saw it in a preview screening, and it's pretty much a disaster. You can read about my thoughts on it in the Movies & TV board. Anyways, what the fuck were ya thinking Rob? The Devil's Rejects was an impressive little movie, yet you fucked this up. Oh, and why the fuck did you make Michael Myers more human? He's not supposed to be that way. He's supposed to be an evil, unstoppable, unreasonable force. He's the boogieman, not just another serial killer.   Yeah, that's all for now. Next time: the 5 worst/lamest forms of pornography today.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

My Life In The Bush Of Ghosts

So far, things are doing alright.   -Anyways, yesterday I got the reissues of Chaperhouses Whirlpool and Byrne and Eno's My Life in the Bush of Ghosts. I haven't been able to listen to Whirlpool yet, but I did listen to Ghosts yesterday and today. Simply put, I'm blown away at how awesome it is. It's hard to believe that this was recorded around 79-80, as it sounds very ahead of it's time. Plus, it's catchy (and at times, funky) as hell. I'll have to get Talking Heads Fear of Music after this one, though that won't be until later in the future. Man, I have several CD's I want to purchase right now, including the new ones from The Sounds and Goldfrapp, and some oldies from Miles Davis, Herbie Hancock, and some others who have escaped my mind right now.   -I also finally got to buying the 2-disc special edition of Daio Argento's debut film Bird With The Crystal Plummage today. I'll get to watching it tonight, and I'll let you know how it is.   That's it for now. Next time: Bird With the Crystal Plummage, the Chapterhouse album Whirlpool, and the most underrated comedies of all time.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Afghanistanimation

Well, I'm back from my Memorial Day visit home. Nothing notable happened, so here's the uneventful events:   -I finally bought The Sounds Dying To Tell This To You and Skinny Puppy's Last Rights. Both are great, especially The Sounds album. It's not great art, but it's a hell of a lot of fun.   -I watched "Super Troopers". That movie just gets funnier everytime I see it. Come on, how could anybody hate that movie?   -Also Watched "The Decline Of Western Civilization II: The Metal Years", and I liked it. It's a strange mix of depressing (Chris Holms drunk in his mother's pool) and hilarious (I have not seen that many people who dress alike since Highschool Gym). It's a bit suprising seeing that the band named Odin were a hair band, because with a name like that, you would expect something else.   -Didn't watch Raw last night. Was it any good?   -Preparing for finals this week and next week. Also, the weather here is nice, though I don't expect it to last very long.   -It seems like Leena's new avatar has a picture of Jenna Haze. Good choice there.   -Got a sunburn, but not a major one. I also ate a bunch of Peanuts, which lead to many trips to the bathroom.   That's all for now. Next time: The worst movie sequals ever made.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

The Revenge of Anus Presley

Tonight's blog is named after a Butthole Surfers song.   -As I mentioned last night, I can't see "Silent Hill" this week. To anyone who has seen it: is it worth seeing? Just wanted to know, as I've been looking forward to this one for a while now.   -Since I've been doing so much homework lately, I've been listening to a lot of music, and I mean a lot of it. Here's the songs that I've been listening to the most lately   .Starflyer 59-Sin For a Season First of all, I refuse to believe that this band is a Christian rock band, because they are way too good to be a Christian rock ban. But they are one (and an indie rock band) but don't go expecting some kind of Creed level bullshit. This stuff is basically Indie Rock (you know, good Indie Rock) with a slight shoegazer influence. This song is a cover of a Steven Taylor song, and it's all kinds of awesome, as well as creepy as hell IMO. You can download it Here. .Butthole Surfers-Lady Sniff I love 80's era Butthole Surfers. This is probably one of their funniest songs, with frontman Gibby Haynes sounding like an old pervert with alzheimer's, ranting about God knows what, while random sounds (including belching farting, and vomiting noises) show up every now and then. .Human League-Empire State Human .Depth Charge-Dead By Dawn .AFX-Phonatacid .Goldfrapp-Slide In (DFA Remix) .EPMD-You're a Customer .Glass Candy-Sugar and White (Vocal Mix) .Booker T and The MG's-Melting Pot .The Finnish Version of the Ducktales Theme (I blame YTMND for this one) .Grand Funk Railroad-Sin's A Good Man's Brother .Swervedriver-Bring Me The Head Of The Fortune Teller .The Pretty things-Don't Bring Me Down .Elvis Costello-Accidents Will Happen .Depeche Mode-I Want It All .Yo La Tengo-No Return (Kinks Cover)    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Merry Christmas

-Well, Monday, it will be Christmas. I hope you all have a happy holiday, and yule tide cheer and all that.   -Anyways, I hate the fact that there is no snow right now. Right now, I'm visiting my parents for Christmas break, and I'm typing on one of their computers. Right now, it's 56 Degrees Farenheit, and it's raining instead of snowing.   Excuse me, but what kind of bullshit is this?   Seriously, this sucks. It's winter, it's almost Christmas, give me some fucking snow. I don't care how much there is, I just want snow. Is that too much to ask for? Come on, this is Ohio I live in, for God's sake.   -Monday, a remake of Black Christmas comes out. I'm skipping it, since I love the original, and I'm really not looking forward to this one.   -Anyways, again, Merry Christmas
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

See No Evil: A Review

How do you make a slasher flick with potential a bad movie? When you are WWE Films.   First things first: See No Evil is not the first movie WWE films produced, in spite of what some will tell you. It was actually co-producer of Scorpian King and The Rundown (the latter a pretty damn good action flick). It is the first though, in movies that had potential to be to be a watchable B-Movie, but somehow manages to fuck it all up.   The plot: A group of juvenile delinquents who you don't really give two shits about have to clean up an "abandoned" hotel, only to run into a reclusive psychopath with mommy-issues named Jacob Goodnight (played by Glenn "Kane" Jacobs), who proceeds to knock them off. Oh, and he loves gouging out his victims eyes (hence the title, which is essentialy a bad pun. Better than the previous title of Eye Scream Man, though the thought of Kane as a killer ice cream man is amusing. Hell, he was a dentist.)   While there's some decent kills (including a nice bit with a cellphone), the movie also manages to get this right: sleaze. The flick oozes with the kind of seedy vibe found in late 70's and 80's era exploitation movies. Unfortunately, Jacob is not exactly a very threatening villain, as he's just another stock slasher with mother issues. Oh, and we get to see him punish the pope. Yep, Vince McMahon was involved with it!   Another problem is the filming style. The whole thing, directed by former porn director Gregory Dark (he of New Wave Hookers and White Bun Busters fame) feels more like Saw lite instead of a slasher movie. What could have been a fun throwback to 70's and 80's slasher flicks like The Toolbox Murders and The Slayer ends up being another hyper edited, annoying horror flick. In short: Once again WWE films fails, only here it's for the first time.   Oh, and no Vince, people do not want to see Kane spank it.   Rating: 3 out of 10.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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Pay Your Respects to the Vultures, For They are Your Future

-Czech, NYU, Danny Dubya, and CWM are now running things here. I like that. Pay your respects.   -I've been doing more reviews on IMDB lately, mostly of weird, obscure horror movies, though I also did one recently of "Leonard Part 6."   -Marvin will be suspended soon. Honestly, I'm suprised the guy hasn't been banned yet. He managed to become the 2nd worst poster on this board (worst is still Deon), though for a while, Marvin was the worst.   Also: Come on Deon, Will Farrell as an avatar? Oh wait, this is Deon...   -Now that the list of best moments in music, I'll most likely do a list of underrated/underappreciated albums.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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How To Vibrate
 

The Final 2007 Year in Review

-Milky made a much needed return, helping to make TSM interesting again.   -Leena was banned for being a cunt who takes the internet as serious business, and made many aborted attempts at a return.   -Ron Paul supporters are fucking crazy.   -Chavez didn't become President for life (thank God), thus hurting the feelings of Cena's Writer and C-Bacon.   -Huckabee and Romney got more support, while Rudy continues to tank.   -Rosie became the worst fucking celebrity on Earth, left The View, revealed she's a Truther, and the list goes on.   -Brittney attempted a comeback...and failed.   -Something happened involving Chris Benoit...wildpegasus han't been heard from since.   -Hillary lost some footing in grounds to her goal to become president.   -Larry Craig has a wide stance, if you get my drift (hurr hurr hurr)   -Athiests yelled at each other on Youtube. So much for religion being the blame for everything. Here's a rule: guys who are teenagers and/or live at home with there parents should not be Athiests, because they can't say things intelligently. (teens and people who live at home, not Athiests.)   -Fark finally joined the ranks of Free Republic and Democratic Underground, as it is now a haven for truthers, trolls, conservative nutjobs, wanna be communists, and angry Athiests.   -Anna Nicole died. Her last movie is Oh, and yes, that's Chyna. Speaking of which, her appearence on Larry King was something else. She'll be on "Celebrity Rehab" in January, and the fact that such a show exists kills my soul a bit.  -Fuck Chocolate Rain, this is the best video on Youtube.   -"Grindhouse" tanked, yet "Alvin and the chipmunks" made a ton of cash. For fuck's sake America. Oh, and "No Country for Old Men" is the best movie of the year.   -Deon became the worst poster on TSM, and had his name changed to Douchebag. Carlito Brigante's stupidity continues unabated, as he got a girl pregnant and is getting in another fight. To quote snuffbox, "One day, ehme, the internet will take you as seriously as you take it."
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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How To Vibrate
 

Tobe Hooper's Mortuary: a review.

It's hard to believe that the man who directed films such as Polergeist has had such a hit and miss career. For every Texas Chainsaw Massacre, there is a Mangler. For every Funhouse, there's a Crocodile. His latest movie, Mortuary (which just aired on Sci Fi, and hits DVD on April 18th.) isn't exactly a miss, but it's not a hit either.   The movie tells the tale of the Boyle family (which includes Denise Crosby from Pet Cemetary and Dan Byrd from the recent remake of The Hills Have Eyes), who move into an house in Arkham, Mass. Yes, this movie is heavily influenced by HP Lovecraft. That out of the way, the home is also a Mortuary, and of course, since it's a Mortuary in Arkham, only bad can come outt of it.   Anyways, the son get's a job at a diner, and makes some friends (including Alexandra Adi from Slap Her, She's French and Tequila Body Shots, and Rocky Marquette from Shallow Ground). They tell him about the legend of Bobby Fowler, a strange boy who murdered his parents at age eight and is rumored to live in the cemetary, which conveniently, is in the back yard of our Teenage hero's house.   Needless to say, it turns out that Bobby Fowler is real (and a bizzare, uneven mix of HP Lovecraft, the monster from Stuart Gordon's Castle Freak (which was inspired by a Lovecraft story) and Lucio Fulci's House By The Cemetary). Oh, and there's a strange fungus that possesses people, and brings the dead back to life. As well as a Lovecraftian creature who controls the fungus/slime. Oh, and the zombies can only be killed by salt. So, does it work?   Well, yes and no. On the plus side, Crosby, Byrd, and Marquette do good jobs at their roles. The make up effects are well done, and the Lovecraftian overtones and references don't hurt a bit at all. However, there are problems. The first being the rather lame CGI effects. Another problem is that the other performances are uneven. The biggest problem however, is the general tone. At one minute, it seems like the movie wants to be a creepy gothic horror story and tribute to Lovecraft, then in the next minute, it wants to be a tongue in cheek romp. The two style generally don't work, and the attempts at humor are pretty lousy. Plus, don't expect a gorefest, Sure, there's a torn out heat, black fungus vomit, and some blood, but no major gore. Then again, several of Hooper's films aren't that gory (or even gory at all) to begin with.   All in all, the best way to describe Mortuary would have to be uneven. I'll give it 5/10, since it's definately different, and it's never boring. However, it's not really good either, though it's not Hooper's worst movie.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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