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It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

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How To Vibrate
 

A Magic Carpet Ride To Hell

-Well, it's been a while, but I'm back. I've been busy with classes (Literary studies, Short Story Writing II, Poetry, II, and Wight Lifting-No, I've met nobody like wildpegasus). They've been fine, I guess. Met a cool guy who's a fellow horror fan, and writes on occasion, so that's pretty cool.   -Anyways, Hotbutter was banned again, this time using the allias "Dirty Killingsocks." He's like wildpegasus, only amusing and not pathetic.   -I recently saw the "Cast Your Dream Porno" thread, and all I can say is...wow. I don't mind seing a girl get fucked in the ass, but Double Anal is not for me. Neither is watersports, bestiality scat, rape play, or anything that's well...sick, though I've read my fare share of horror stories with that kind of shit. Also, I like porn as much as the next guy, and I can see someone buying or renting one, but why would anyone become a connoiseur of it? Besides, there porn everywhere on the net, so what's the point of owing one. Ok, I casn see someone owning something like "Debbie Does Dallas" for historical purposes, but still, what's the deal. It's not the 80's anymore, we don't need to rent porn, because it's right there, and sometimes it's free. But that's just my opinion.   In a nutshell, I like porn as much as the next guy, but I'm not exactly an enthusiast.   -I might watch Raw tonight, since I'm (mostly) done with homework, and I've got nothing else to do. There's really nothing else on.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

5
How To Vibrate
 

Underrated Album(s): Alice in Chains-Sap

Usually, when it comes to Alice in Chains' best album, people are usually split between Dirt and Jar of Flies. I know Black Lushus's favorite is Dirt, while I'm more of a fan of the Hard Rock/Acoustic Folk sound of Jar of Flies. However, this isn't about their best album, this is about their most underrated. For that, I choose the EP Sap.

Done after Facelift and before Dirt, Sap is a bit of a stop gap, and a major shift in tone after the sludge of Facelift. It sees the band exploring their acoustic ballad that doesn't suck/folk side that would be improved on Jar of Flies. However, it's still a good EP, save for the last track, the out of place (and annoying) comedy song "Love Song."

Opening track "Brother" features Cantrell on Vocals, with Ann Wilson from Heart offering backing vocals. The song is appropriately melancholy, with acoustic strumming and reflective lyrics taking hold. "Got Me Wrong" was the EP's single, as a video was made, and it was included on the soundtrack to "Clerks." It's a great duet between Layne and Jerry, that sounds almost upbeat, in spite of the cryptic lyrics, though the chorus presents some hope. "Right Turn" is a collaboration between the band and members of Soundgarden and Mudhoney. It's a little more light hearted than the previous songs ("But it's so hard/To penetrate pig thick skin"), and is the shortest song here. "Am I Inside" also features Ann Wilson, and is the eeriest track on the album, with mournful piano and acoustic guitar. There's a slight upbeat tempo change in the chorus, but the tone remains throughout.

As I said before, Jar of Flies improved the folk rock sound captured here. As it stands though, Sap is an unfortunately overlooked album in the band's career, and deserves more attention.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

on conspiracy theories

Well, there's a thread in the Current Events folder that deals with a new "documentary" movie called "loose Change", which says Bush caused 9/11.   You know, I've never believed in conspriracy theories (except for JFK), and for many reasons. Here's a few reasons why:   1.) They lack logic. Sure, people will tell you that they think the Bush administration bombed the WTC on 9/11. Thing is, there are three things that prove this to be bullshit, Actually, there are others, but here are the three reasons that come to my head right now.   -The fact that we saw fucking planes hit the WTC. Come on, the impact itself would make any building, no matter how large it is, collapse. Look up the facts. Scientists themselves have proven all of these theoris wrong. -The fact that the Government wouldn't attack something that is helpful to the economy, or it's own Country. Come on, I may hate Bush, but he's not that stupid, and he's not that evil. Oh, and another thing conspiracy theorists: Prove that there was missle that attacked the Pentagon. You can't, and that's because there was FUCKING PLANE WRECKAGE THERE, YOU PARANOID SHIT EATING FUCKING ASSHOLES. DO YOU FUCKERS EVEN CARE ABOUT THE FACT THAT THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE LOST THEIR LIVES ON THAT DAY? DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOU LOONEY CONSPIRACIES UNDERMINE THE DEATHS OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE? -The fact that Al-Qaeda pretty much said that they were the ones responsible.   2.) Many of them are Anti-Semetic. That's right, one of the most popular 9/11 conspiracy theories right now is that the Jews caused it. If history has proven has taught me anything, it's that no matter what horrible event happens in history, then their are people who will blame the Jews. They'll blame them on Pearl Harbor, Katrina, The crash of the Hindenburg, the assassinations of JFK and Lincoln-pretty much just about anything bad you can think of, there are people who will blame it on the jews.   3.) The fact that you can't cover something up for a long time. Let's face it, most people can't keep a secret or a lie for a long time, and nobody can keep a secret of a conspiracy level magnitude for very long. It's just the truth.   In the end, I have this to say: Conspiracy Theories are bullshit. The government didn't cause 9/11. The Holocaust did happen, no matter what it's deniers tell you. We did land on the moon. Extraterrestrials are not abducting rednecks in cornfields. Conspiracy Theories are bullshit, and every one who thinks that they are the stone cold truth is a nutcase who should be locked up in a looney bin.   Oh, and one more thing to the 9/11 conspiracy theorists: Even Oliver Stone thinks that your theories are bullshit. Let that sink in for a while.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

6
How To Vibrate
 

lovecraft231 is dead

-Yep, I got a name change. Why? Because let's face it, lovecraft231 is a shitty name. Besides, gary floyd is much better. It's what makes pussy so great. It's the reason Arnold did "Commando". It's what everyone needs, and you can never have too much of it. Actually, it's the name of a Butthole Surfers song, and it never did any of those things.   -It's been a year since Katrina. What have I learned? Well, I learned that Kanye West hates Bush. I also learned more about the sheer incompetence of the current administration. Oh, and all hail Chocolate City, and it's Vanilla Suburbs.   -I'm tired of hearing about John Mark Karr. I was actually glad to hear about Tom Cruise, that's how tired I am of seeing Karr.   -wildpegasus is continuing to tard up NHB, and for some reason, I love it. I mean, it's incredibly annoying, but it's also incredibly hilarious. I think it's just the sheer pathetic aura of the man, as well as the reactions he's getting from others. Oh, and according to him, their was no hip movement.   -Check out Weird Al's Myspace to hear "Don't Download This Song". It's hilarious.   -Oblivious Heel was banned. Thank God   -Finally, thank you to KingPK, for having my name changed.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

6
How To Vibrate
 

In defense of Vitamin X

Why? Well, look at this glorious thread.   Long story short: Vitamin X banned Marney. He did this after simply warning her (not a big deal really), and she flipped, acting like a spoiled bitch. She insulted him constantly (as well as AnnieEclectic for being a Transexual), and pretty much dared him to ban her.   So he did.   Afterwards, people bitched at him, telling him that Marney didn't deserve to be banned. These people included Rant and bob barron (who tends to bitch a lot.)   Quit fooling yourselves. She deserved to be banned. I have no problem with different opinions, but she basically acted belligerent, insulting those who disagreed with her, and blatantly spewing hateful, racist, homophobic (amusing, considering she's a lesbian) bullshit. She refused to follow the rules, and had to act like an internet tough guy, puffing her chest, thinking "nobody can ban me!" Hell, she pretty much asked to be banned, and her wish got granted.   Why did she do this? Here's my theory: just like MikeSC and others at The Pit, she feels wronged for no reason. So, in her feeble mind, she's proven a point. What point she proved is beyond me, and it only exists in her twisted psyche. In reality, all she proved is that she's a cunt, and her being banned had nothing to do with her being a conservative, a woman, or a lesbian-it all has to do with her behavior.   Seriously, why can't people like her, Leena, and MikeSC realize this? The board is not out to get them. Hell, from what I've seen, The Pit seems to obsess over us more than we do them. Most of us don't give a shit about that place. When you refuse to follow the rules, troll, insult those you don't agree with, and start pointless arguments, you will be banned. Why is it that some can't realize this? Are they fucking stupid?   In short, Vitamin X did the right thing. Marney should have been banned from the get go, and stop kidding yourself if you think otherwise.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

4
How To Vibrate
 

Abortion Fest '08 (or, Thanksgiving with relatives)

There's a lot of reasons why people don't want to go to meet relatives for Thanksgiving-mine just happens to be politics.   You see, I was raised Catholic (I consider myself a non-religious believer now), and well, my mom's side of the family is very Catholic and very strict about it. That means every issue for them turns into abortion. They obsess over it. That's the main reason they vote Republican-they hate abortion. Everytime you try to point out that they are wrong (no, Sarah Palin was not very bright, there's a reason more young people voted), they tell you "well, Obama's going to abort all the babies." I can understand why someone wouldn't like Obama (I did vote for him, but come on, this is America), but for the main reason being "grrr ABORTION!", that's just close minded. It was like talking to those people at Pro-Life rallies that hold pictures of aborted fetuses and shove them in your face, screaming "YOU SEE! YOU SEE!" Yes, I see, and that's a disgusting picture. Get that shit out of my face.   So yeah, Thanksgiving was fun when people weren't talking politics. Too bad about 65% of it was just that. I actually went into it thinking "I am not going to talk politics." That's wishful thinking. I hope your Thanksgiving was better.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

Horror Year End Review 2008

Best Horror Movie: Let the Right One In. Honerable Mention: Inside, The Lost, The Signal, Stuck, Splinter, Teeth, Eden Lake, The Strangers, Machine Girl, Tokyo Gore Police, Cloverfield, Dance of the Dead, Doomsday.   Worst Horror Movie: The Happening. Honerable Mention: Prom Night (remake-also, a PG-13 slasher flick? Really?), One Missed Call (remake), Shutter (remake), Rest Stop 2, Otto: Or up With Dead People, Cthulhu, Funny Games, Feast II, Untraceable.   Most Disappointing: Tie between Mother of Tears and Diary of the Dead. Honerable mention goes to The Ruins, Cthulhu, Blindness, Rogue, My Name Is Bruce.   Best Kill: Mom and son kick the bucket (Machine Girl) Honerable mention goes to Head exploding shotgun blast (Frontier(s)), Scissor Stabbing (Inside), accidentally shooting friend in the head (The Strangers), Amish Scythe Suicide (Diary of the Dead)   Most Cringe Worthy Scene: Scissors cock stab (Inside), Tendon removal (Frontier(s)), actually, most of Inside, "Just like Sharon Tate..." (The Lost), Deep fired hand (Machine Girl)   Goriest Movie: Tie between Machine Girl and Tokyo Gore Police.   Best Actor: Mark Senter (The Lost), A.J. Bown (Signal)   Best Actress: Lina Leandersson (Let The Right One In), Beatrice Dalle (Inside)   Best Cast: The Lost. Honerable Mention: Stuck.   Best Villain: Ray Pye (Mark Senter) in The Lost. Honerable mention goes to The Woman (Beatrice Dalle) in Inside, Lewis Denton (A.J. Bowen) in The Signal, The Strangers in The Strangers.   Best Independent Horror Movie: The Lost. Honerable Mention goes to The Signal, Stuck, Splinter, Teeth, Dance of the Dead.   Best Foreign Horror Movie: Let The Right One In. Honerable Mention goes to Eden Lake, Machine Girl, Tokyo Gore Police.   Best Hollywood Horror: The Strangers. Honerable Mention goes to Cloverfield and Doomsday.   Most Pleasant Suprise: Dance of the Dead Guilty Pleasure: Doomsday   Best Quote: "Because you were home." (The Strangers)
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

TV Update-(Some) of us aren't dead yet

Cancelled Do Not Disturb-Yep, looked terrible anyways. No big loss. My Own Worse Enemy-Didn't like it much, though I do feel bad for Chritian Slater. Easy Money-Never saw it. The Ex List-Actually on Hiatus, so who knows. Future looks dim. Never watched it Lipstick Jungle-Poor Brooke Shields. Never Watched tthe show, but poor her. MadTV-THANK YOU GOD!!!!! Mind of Mencia-Again, Thank you God.     Future Uncertain   Life on Mars-Damn, I was really starting to like this show. It's not on the spring schedule. Dirty Sexy Money-Eh. Pushing Daisies-Damnit America, this show is awesome. Why does this have to be tanking. It's one of the best things on TV right now. It's smart, funny, cute, and more imaginative than most of what's on TV. I'm ashamed.     Future Looking Good   Chuck-Obvious, but good to see that. Gary Unmarried-I hang my head in shame. Fringe-Doing good ratings, and not a bad show to boot. Good for them. Knight Rider-America: I love you, but you have terrible taste in TV shows. Kath and Kim-Sucks, but seeing it's on between "My Name is Earl" and "The Office", not too suprising. 90210-Haven't seen it. Life-Not bad. Not a great show, but a good one, so good for them. Terminator: TSCC-Good for them, It's a lot better than I expected it to be, so yeah. Good tos ee James ("The Venture Bros.") Urbaniak getting work. According to Jim-Why? I have yet to meet one person who likes or watches this show.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

Music & Ron Paul

Happy New Year.   -Lately, I've been listening to all kinds of music. Here's what, and why   .Raekwon-Only Built 4 Cuban Linx...-The production by RZA is flawless, and it's the album debut of the immortal Nas. Anyone who loves Hip-Hop needs this.   .Steroid Maximus-¡Quilombo! , Gondwanaland, and Ectopia-Imagine the best soundtrack for a movie that was never made. Let J.G. "Foetus" Thirlwell and friends in the mix. The result is a blend of cinematic funk, big band jazz, ethnic music, weird soundscapes, unnerving loops and samples, horror soundtrack undertones, and so much more. In a word: perfect.   .Mastodon-Leviathan and Blood Mountain-Holy shit, get these. Metal at it's best, with excellent musicianship, and Prog-Rock undertones that aren't bloated and pretentious.   .Ennio Morricone-Exorcist II: The Heretic-Horrible movie, but an awesome score by Morricone. May be his most underrated.   .Agalloch-Pale Folklore, The Mantle, and Ashes Against The Grain-Holy shit, these are great. Black Metal meets Neo-Folk and Post Rock in the perfect winter soundtrack. If you like this, give Wolves in the Throne Room a listen too.   -Now, to Ron Paul Fans: He won't become the next president. He will never become the next president. Hell, I think he's a bit crazy. And no matter how much you protest Rudy, Huckabee, Clinton, or Edwards, that won't mean shit at the end. You are fucking delusional to think that A.) He has any chance of winning, B.) That he could bring peace to Iraq, and C.) That getting rid of the I.R.S. is a good thing. Oh, and none of you are really Libertarians. You just say you are because you are unhappy with the Republicans and the Democrats. So am I, and I just say I'm "Independent."
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

4
How To Vibrate
 

Happy 4th of...Oh wait, never mind

-Well, it seems like Ken Lay kicked the bucket. Disappointed that he died, because I was hoping he would be embarressed and scorned by the public for a while longer. It's times like this that I almost miss MikeSC, because of how he would try to spin this and somehow blame liberals on the worlds ills. Oh well   -North Korea launched some missles, that landed in the oceans of Japan, Fortunately, Godzilla (or any other monster) hasn't been awakened..yet.   -My summer job working on computers is doing ok. It's not exciting, but it's not soul crushing levels of boring.   -RVD and Sabu got busted with pot. This just sounds like a stoner comedy.   -The new ECW sucks, though you probably already read that in the WWE folder.   -"Superman Returns" is pretty good. I'd rate it behind "Batman Begins" though. Also, I've been shouting out WRONG ever since I saw it.   -I'm starting to think that Leena isn't really a Randy Orton fan, but instead just acting like she is just to annoy people.   that's all for now. Next time: whatever
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

6
How To Vibrate
 

Adventures in the Mall

Well, I went to the Mall, as well as Best Buy yesterday. Best Buy was alright, though I got the new Peeping Tom Album, as well as the Beavis and BUTT-head Experience, and "Paid in Full" by Erik B. and Rakim.   Anyways, on to the mall.   I never really was a big fan of the mall. Too many goths and punk rock kids hang out there. I do like the memories of "Dawn of the Dead" that they invoke though.   I saw a group of Juggalos, aka Insane Clown Posse fans. Suprisingly, none of them were fat. They were being harrassed by mall security, most likely because the immense odor of their unbathed bodies was most likely causing mass illness, as well as making babies cry. I can't believe that there are still Juggalos. It's like the KISS Army, only more retarded. It's the lowest rung on the music fan ladder.   I went to the Suncoast store, and got a 6 DVD box set of zombie movies for $34.99 (that's a deal). I ended up watching one of them instead of Raw last night. While I was there, I saw a disturbing amount of Anime merchandise. I will admit, there are anime titles I like, but most of it's fans really embarrass me. It's sad that I can't wear my Cowboy Bebop shirt these days without getting funny looks, or having anime geeks flock around me. I did chat with a hot girl who liked anime though. She ended up leaving when I said I'm a huge horror geek. Oh well. Also, I got a kick ass Hong Kong Fooey t-shirt.   I went to Hot Topic, but only for a cool Adult Swim shirt. It's probably the worst place in the mall, playing shitty EBM and metal. Christ, I hate Cradle of Filth. Also, it was full of obnoxious goths (sadly, no hot goth chicks). Worst of all, there were no cool Adult Swim shirts, though there were plenty of Pirates of the Carrbiean shirts, and tons of Corpse Bride appearal, and other lame movie shirts. no horror movie shirts though. Oh, and the Juggalos that I mentioned earlier were there. There were loud and yes, they smelled horrible. Even the goths looked at them like "What a bunch of fags."   I left that shithole, and headed to FYE. I was only there for about 5 minutes though, because it was way too expensive (as usual). I'm not going to pay $19.99 for a CD.   And that was my adventure at the mall.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

5
How To Vibrate
 

The end of wildpegasus

September 14th, 2006: The Day wildpegasus was banned.   I've been posting on these boards for two years now. For a while, I didn't pay any attention to WP. Sure, there was the now legendary Astro Boy thread, but that was it.   Then, sometime this year (I think it was summer, I don't really remember), it finally happened: the man pissed me off.   It was in the CE folder, on a thread about the conspiracy theory disguised as a documentary "Loose Change". Firt of all, if you really think that everything in "Loose Change" is true, then you are an idiot. So of course, WP mentioned the fireman saying "it sounded like bombs" (though that's not the entire sentence that the fireman said), and basically acted a fool. I told him that he was an idiot, and I dared him to say such things in front of somebody who lost their loved ones on 9/11.   After that, I decided to look more into WP, and found out his sordid history: The fact that he's 29, a virgin, and still lives with his parents. Then there's the aftermentioned Astro Boy thread, which in itself is a homage to self pity and loneliness that beats out every other bit of loneliness and self pity I have seen on the net. Then there's the fact that he pissed everybody off. Oh, and his posts in the LSD folder are the stuff of great comedy.   Then, there's the benchpress story, in which he claimed to have achieved orgasm through exercise techniques, and that "there was no hip movement." He also called Czech "kid" at one point (Czech is 10 or 11 years WP's junior, and he's no where near as pathetic.) and started bugging me as well, at a few points calling me "girlfriend", even though I'm a 23 year old guy who's a college senior. He even supposidly created a gimmick account to defend himself.   Now he's been banned.   I'm actually suprised. People kept calling for WP to be banned, but the requests fell on deaf ears for a while. Now he's gone. To be honest, I kind of miss him, simply because well, who am I going to make fun of now?   Let's face it folks, making fun of WP was fun. Sure, he was a serious jackass, but he was an amusing one due to the sheer level of his being a loser. I actually don't think he was a gimmick, and that he really was that pathetic. Also, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't amused by the way he pissed everyone off so much.Sure, he was a slimey, pathetic, shameless, loser. But damnit, he was our slimey, pathetic, shameless loser.   That out of the way, I'm also kind of glad he's gone. His posts sometimes reached levels of depressing in how sad and worthless they were, and the way he is, and always will be.   so, RIP WP. Oh, and good riddence.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

13 reasons why remaking "Friday the 13th" isn't the end of the world

If you're like me, you go to horror movie websites, and get the latest in news, reviews, interviews, etc. Even if you haven't, you've probably heard that Platinum Dunes is remaking it, and Michael Bay is producing it. Some, like luke-o and Jingus (known for being bitchy when it comes to movies) are opposed to it. Me? Well, it's not the best idea in the world, but it's not the worst either. Here are the 13 reasons why remaking Friday the 13th is not the worst idea in the history of mankind.   They've done all they can with the series-Come on, there's been a impostor Jason, Jason vs. a Psychic, Jason in Manhattan (for a short time), Jason in Space, Freddy vs. Jason-they've done everything but "Next Friday the 13th", in which Ice Cube must save the hood from Jason. Actually, that's a pretty good idea. Anyways, I think you see my point: they've done all they can do with the series. There is nowhere else to go with the series except a remake. New ways to kill people-Come on, you have to at least be curious to see what he has in store for campers this time. Many bad rip offs-Ok, there were a few good slashers to come out after Friday the 13th ("The Burning", "The Prowler", "Stage Fright", "Night Warning"), but there were also plenty of bad ones-in fact, there were more bad ones then good ones. Come on, you can't defend "Don't Go In the Woods...Alone", "Honeymoon Horror", "Silent Madness", "Final Exam", "The Prey", "The Final Terror", and several others, because they are horrible, and in some ways, have taken away some of what made the Friday the 13th series fun. Sometimes, nerds bitching on the Internet is funny-It's true ya know. It was going to happen anyway-They've already remade "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", "The Haunting", "Halloween", and others, and more movies will be remade, so it was only matter of time really. The series needs a reboot-No, not the animated tv series. However, as I already said, the series has done all it can, and if a remake is the next step, then so be it. I need a new horror movie to see-Not the best reason but I have been watching a lot of older horror lately, and I need something different. The series was never really about originality-The series can be best described as "Horny teens get killed in gruesome but inventive ways." Hell, I already mentioned the various rip offs, so when you think about it, movies in general (particularly horror movies) aren't as original as we like to believe. Imagine the porno movie knock off-You just know they did a Friday the 13th porno knock off came out back in the day, so maybe we can get a remake of that knock off. The Asylum needs another "Mockbuster"-Ok, maybe not, but hey. Bitching on the Internet accomplishes nothing-It's true ya know. You can bitch and moan about this all you want, but it won't change things, so what's the point? Some are looking forward to it-Yes, some of us want to see what will happen. I wouldn't say that I'm looking forward to it, but I am curious. Who knows, maybe (I said maybe) it will be entertaining. Besides, it can't be worse than Parts 8 and 9. It's Friday the 13th-Nobody is expecting brilliant, Oscar Worthy filmmaking here. You are expecting Jason to kill people. Think about it.   There you go.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

The lyrical genius of R.Kelly

R.Kelly is insane. He's also a lyrical genius. Or he's inane. Either way, he's R.Kelly, and he's a goledn shower loving pedophile who loves bad lyrical puns and metaphors for sex. Here's a few songs that are proof.   "You Remind Me of Something"   "Sex Weed"   "The Zoo"   Last but not least, "Sex Planet   I rest my case.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

5-3

05.) Chunky A-Large and In Charge What's the worst hip-hop album ever recorded? Why, it's Large and In charge, which is also the worst comedy album of all time. First, some backstory: Chunky A was actually Arsenio Hall, playing his overweight brother, who decided to cut this album. The result: The so bad it will make you want to kill yourself "Aaaaww!", bad parodies ("She Drives me Crazy" becomes "The Ho is Lazy." Weird Al he isn't), and "Dope: The Big Lie", which is the funniest anti-drug song ever recorded, simply because it is the one song on the album that tries to make a serious statement. Oh, and Ice-T and KRS-One appear on it (I'm suprised KRS is able to live this down) This OOP, and if you ever do find it, don't bother. It's so bad it doesn't even warrent a curiosity buy.   04.) Metallica-St. Anger A five year wait that wasn't worth it, St. Anger was intended to be not only the return of Metallica after Load (which while not perfect, is far from one of the worst albums ever recorded) and Reload (a bad album with a few good moments), but also the return of their older sound. That never happened. What we got instead was bad singing ("KILL! KILL! KILL!"), bad lyrics ("My Lifestyle determines my Deathstyle"), hardly any guitar solos, the song "Invisible Kid", self help lyrics, drums that sound like tin cans, and no idea what made Metallica what they are (or were) in the first place. If you ever wanted to know what a band taking a huge shit on their fans sounds like, here you go.   03.) Pink Floyd-A Momentary Lapse in Reason When Roger Waters left Pink Floyd, fans wondered if the band would ever do another album again. That happened-it just wasn't what most wanted. While it says it's a Pink Floyd album, it's basically a David Gilmour solo album. Sure, it has his trademark guitar work, but it also has bad attempts at Talking Heads like funk, songs that sound too much like Dave wants them to be a part of The Wall ("Sorrow"), really dated pieces of radio friendly bullshit ("Learning to Fly"), bad attempts to capture the past ("Signs of Life"), and meandering songs that go nowhere-which is where the whole album goes. It's the worst Pink Floyd album, and though it sold a whole lot of copies, it's not much an album as much as it is a disaster.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

4
How To Vibrate
 

Metal Albums I'm Enjoying

Let's face it, a lot of us like Metal. Sure, some of us don't admit it, and I never considered myself a diehard metal fan, but we do, be it Metallica or Maiden or Slayer or all of those. Anywho, here's some metal albums I've been enjoying so far, in no particular order.   Agalloch-Ashes Against the Grain-This is actually pretty awesome. It's black metal (never cared for most of it-or at least the Norweigen stuff) but it's great. It could best be described as Gorgoroth (without the cliche satanism) meets Katatonia meets Sigur Ros meets Pink Floyd meets My Bloody Valentine.   Mastodon-Leviathan and Blood Mountain-Holy shit, the drumming. If you claim to enjoy metal but don't like Mastodon, then you don't really enjoy metal. Seriously, give them a shot, they are fucking awesome. Hell, they let guys from the Mars Volta on Mountain, and they didn't ruin it. That's saying something.   Slayer-Reign in Blood-Need I say more?   Athiest-Unquestionable Prescence and Elements-Death Metal with jazz-inspired chord progressions. Not the only Death Metal band to do this, but one of the few to do it right. See also: Cynic's Focus, Gorgut's Obscura, and Pestilence's Spheres.   Sleep-Dopesmoker and Sleep's Holy Mountain-The Ultimate Stoner Metal albums, with riffs that are so sludgey, they roll like molasses. See also: Electric Wizard's Dopethrone.   Boris-Rainbow, Pink, and Amplifier Worship-Hell yes. The best Doom Metal band on the planet, and one of my favorite bands that are more recent. Rainbow is more psychedelic rock than metal, but it's still great.   Wolves in the Throne Room-Diadem of 12 Stars-Black metal that's really long (4 songs, a 60 minute album), but every minute counts. Contains elements of folk music, and bit of post rock.   Nachtmystium-Instinct: Decay-While it has the cliched low-fi production that annoys me, here's a Black Metal album that's still worth it. Featuring elements of psychedelia and post punk, it's pretty diverse. Oh, and the song "Chosen By No One" rules.   Sigh-Imaginary Sonicscape-Black Metal from Japan that's awesome. Sure, it's Black Metal, and it has the symphonic cliches, but it also has elements of psychedelia, electro, dub, jazz, and reggae. It's like Mr. Bungle if they did a Black Metal album, and it rules.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

4
How To Vibrate
 

TSM 2007 Year in Review

Best Poster: Czech. He cracks me up, and while we may not always see eye to eye, is the best we have here. Plus he gives me albums sometimes. Honerable mention goes to Slayer, Coat is my Father, and Venkman.   Worst Poster: Douchebag aka Deon. A dumb motherfucker who is worthless in every way imaginable-and in some ways unimaginable. Honerable mention goes to Carlito Brigante, razazteca, Marvinisalunatic, VanHalen, C-Bacon, Jingus (at least in the CE folder), Matt Young, and Cheesalaisgood.   Best Thread: Carlito's gonna be a daddy. A goldmine of comedy-or at least comic potential. Honerable mention goes to Pitctures I like, best album of 2007, and Campaign 2008 begins.   Worst Thread: Deon ruins two lives, which deserves no further explaination. Honerable metion goes to the Chris Benoit Thread, any thread started by C-Bacon, Cheesalaisgood posting a conspiratorial "documentary", the "Boycott TNA" thread, Matt Young's cock (Matt can be a creepy bastard), and the thread where I acted like a bitch when Inc insulted me.   Best Bud: Lushus. You the man!   Best Sig: Czech.   Welcome back: Milky returned, giving us more um, interesting looks at his life and looks at the world.   Farewell: Kotz left, and I miss the guy. Leena left, and I don't miss her-and I still don't care about her. Masked Man of Mystery seems to be gone as well. I miss Special K.   Best New Feature: TSM chat. I enjoy chatting it up every Monday with Invader3K, Lushus, Hawk, and Downhome.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

4
How To Vibrate
 

Damn

Well, it turns out old Benoit is a murder. Well, so much for that eulogy, which will now be deleted.   Chris, I'll always love you're in ring work, but seriously, fuck you man.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

This is why we can't have nice things II

Here at TSM, we don't always get always get along-actually, we usually don't. So here's to my annual "posters who suck" list.

-Deon-He was finally banned, and for good reason. One of the worst posters of all time, he sucks in every way imaginable. His banning was a long time coming, and is something of a blessing really.

-Marvinisalunatic-GLENN BECK! SARAH PALIN! HD TV! 3 DOORS DOWN! He's hated by virtually everyone, yet will never be banned.

-Leena-Was banned (asked to be), and can't quit bitching. Bitch please, you must have a mental disease, assume the position and get back down on your knees.

-SuperJerk-An argumentative, self loathing, unfunny, misogynistic shell of a man who made me embarressed to like Obama. There's being a supporter, and personally going out to consume shit, and Jerk crossed that line many a time. What's there to love? Oh yeah, that's right-nothing.

-Marney-A racist, insane, xenophobic, ultra conservative lesbian with a penchant for making up stories.

-cabbageboy and DarKnight-Mouthbreathing cousins who are terrible in so many ways, and just more proof of how much the WWE folder sucks usually. See also: Enigma, Canadian Dragon, Marvin, Chazz, J-Pop, Grungy Punk, and others.

-Grungy Punk-Speak of the devil, here's a treasure trove. Incredibly annoying and stupid, prone to making dumb comments-I could go on.

-bob barron-To be fair, bob doesn't suck really. Sure, he complains, but he's the Ombudsman, or whatever. Thing is, he's gotten even whinier and bitchier over the last few weeks, and it's getting intolerable.

-Bruiser Brody-I know, it's a PBP. He's not doing anything he hasn't done already. He's gone from amusing to really annoying and contrived though. And shut the fuck up about your Uncle. Oh, and he really, really isn't funny. He's terrible. Should he be banned? No, but he still sucks. Look at Milky: He's a deviant, but you can actually have a regular conversation with him. Brody can't even do that, he just drives the gimmick to the ground.

-Canadia Dragon-CM PUNK IS BEING BURIED!!! Shut the fuck up. Punk is lucky he's gotten this far. A lot of guys in the business wish they were going that far.

-Chazz-Oh, go ahead and respond Chazz. What are you going to do? Are you going to come up with terrible comebacks and insults? Call Obama "Osama" (oh, so edgy!)? Call me bitch? PM an insult to me? Bitch about the WWE?

-Jingus-From bitching about misogyny constantly (when he does this, I think of Rob Schneider as The Sensative Naked Man talking), dissing my man Dario Argento (though to be fair, "Mother of Tears was a serious letdown), calling the splatter comedy "Machine Girl" torture porn (Hint: it's a movie with a chick with a machine gun for an arm. You aren't supposed to take this seriously you know) and having something of a victim complex, I only had to save him for last. It makes sense really. He even PM'd me asking me what my problem was, but I deleted it. Here's my problem Jingus: you suck and nobody likes you. Quite being a whiney bitch and
-gary floyd-I hate that faggot.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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