9 p.m.
• So today was Black Friday, and I swear to Christ this is my favorite time of the year. And why wouldn’t it be? Most social uppity-ups tend to bitch about this day because it shows the general public as a bunch of greedy, materialistic malcontents. And to this I say: so what? Look, I’m not advocating trampling over some blue-hair to get a $20 DVD player (unless of course she tries to take it out of your hands). Shit, that $20 DVD player will probably break down after two hours, but that’s not the point. There’s stuff out there. You want it. It’s cheap. Do what you want. And that’s just what I did this morning.
I am a novice in the grand scheme of things when it comes to Black Friday. I started taking part in this annual event a few years ago, and last year I sat it out due to money matters. However, I was back on the wagon this year and in full force with Mrs. kkk. Now, I got my battle plans on Turkey Day when the local newspaper packed its holiday edition with the pages upon pages of colorful ads promoting “door buster” savings and “unbeatable” deals. As I scanned through the ads I took note as to what those on my Christmas list had on their Christmas list, but more importantly I took note as to what I wanted. Yes, much of my Black Friday shopping is for me. I have no kids. My family is almost non-existent. Friends? Nigga plz. Co-workers? I asked my current place of employment about the general attitude toward gift-giving back in 2004 and almost had my head snapped off. So Black Friday is My Friday.
As I said before, I’m not a seasoned vet at doing this early morning shopping thing, but I do consider myself to be a fast learner. Back in 2004 I started out at Best Buy when the clock turned 6 a.m. and that was a total disaster. A huge-ass crowd, disorganized lines, products that weren’t worth the wait. In 2005 I decided to begin at the nearby Kohl’s, which was a better idea because, if memory serves, this store was open at 5 a.m., one hour before everyone else. This year I decided to start out at Kohl’s again. Not only was this Kohl’s now going to be open at 4 A.M. but also there were some shoes that caught my eye and were deeply discounted. The better half also wanted to get a $70 gift basket that was discounted to $20. My theory was that by striking here early, this would give us enough time to scoot over to Target, which was recently built in the same complex as the above-mentioned Kohl’s. After this, we would head out down the road to Wal-Mart, several other stores of interest, the local mall, Best Buy, followed by a trip to another nearby community where there were several stores Mrs. kkk wanted to visit. Sounds good, but did everything go as planned? Were there some flies in the ointment? Was there enough Jew in me to sniff out the real bargains from the bargains-in-name-only?
You’ll have to find out tomorrow. Because I’ve been up since 2:45 a.m. and I’m tired. Real tired.
8:15 p.m.
• So this past weekend was pretty big one for me. After all, I got a new job that I will begin at the start of the year. Sure something may fall through and then you'll get several months of me pissing and moaning even more than usual about this topic. But I'm not that cynical (or so you think). Anyway, Swift Terror made a post in Sunday's entry in which I talked about my new soon-to-be-place of employment. He said, "now it's time for PS3 or XBOX 360...more takehome cash = electronic toys."
Not so fast.
First off, this may be odd but I'm actually content with my PS2 and the games I have. Perhaps I hit my peak with video game tastes because the new consoles don't seem to be worth the price. Then again, I'm not in the mood to shell out several hundred dollars on a new video game system when I'm perfectly content playing Madden '05, NCAA Football '05 and Star Wars Battlefront games. I must note however that this may be changing because the last two games I played on NCAA Football the disc has frozen on me. Grr. At least when I simmed these contests my team won (as it should have because I won my OT game against Wake Forest and was leading by 10 with another scoring drive in the works against UConn in the fourth quarter). But I digress.
This new job won't be much more pay than where I work now, but that's not the reason I'm switching jobs. I'm doing so because the place I work at now is a complete and utter shithole to work at and I need out. However, this new job isn't the only big news I got this weekend, and today's visit to the doctor only confirmed the kkk household's suspicions.
Unless God does a quality check and realizes what he let slip through (it's still the first trimester), I'm going to be a...
...do I need to say anything more?
8:30 p.m.
• Oh
Lenny Dykstra
David Segui
Larry Bigbie
Brian Roberts
Jack Cust
Tim Laker
Josias Manzanillo
Todd Hundley
Mark Carreon
Hal Morris
Matt Franco
Rondell White
Andy Pettitte
Roger Clemens
Chuck Knoblauch
Jason Grimsley
Gregg Zaun
David Justice
F.P. Santangelo
Glenallen Hill
Mo Vaughn
Denny Neagle
Ron Villone
Ryan Franklin
Chris Donnels
Todd Williams
Phil Hiatt
Todd Pratt
Kevin Young
Mike Lansing
Cody McKay
Kent Mercker
Adam Piatt
Miguel Tejada
Jason Christiansen
Mike Stanton
Stephen Randolph
Jerry Hairston
Paul Lo Duca
Adam Riggs
Bart Miadich
Fernando Vina
Kevin Brown
Eric Gagne
Mike Bell
Matt Herges
Gary Bennett
Jim Parque
Brendan Donnelly
Chad Allen
Jeff Williams
Exavier "Nook" Logan
Howie Clark
Paxton Crawford
Ken Caminiti
Rafael Palmeiro
Luis Perez
Derrick Turnbow
Ricky Bones
Ricky Stone
Rick Ankiel
David Bell
Paul Byrd
Jose Canseco
Jay Gibbons
Troy Glaus
Jason Grimsley
Jose Guillen
Darren Holmes
Gary Matthews Jr.
John Rocker
Scott Schoeneweis
Ismael Valdez
Matt Williams
Steve Woodard
Benito Santiago
Gary Sheffield
Randy Velarde
Jason Giambi
Jeremy Giambi
Bobby Estalella
Barry Bonds
Marvin Benard
How could you do it – CHEATING!?!?!? My national pastime is RUINED~!
8:15 p.m.
• Denver will beat Houston. I was filling in my kkk Bowl scores so I get a break.
8:30 p.m.
• So the better half was getting paranoid about some pinkish discharge yesterday (if I have to hear about this, so do you) and we moved up the scheduled doctor’s visit a week or so to today. Of couse the pink discharge couldn’t have been from getting prodded during her first visit (and everything else shooting out of her has been clear) but I digress. She rescheduled the appointment to 4:30 p.m. We went straight from work to this place and had 20 minutes to space. When we got to this office, which was on the second floor in some suite complex, I really had to go to the bathroom. Problem was, all the restrooms at this place were locked and this suite lost its key to the men’s room. I had to go down the hall and ask someone at that place for their key to the pisser. I could have walked down the road to a public facility and back because were waiting for 45 minutes. However, we were probably squeezed in so I wasn’t complaining. Shortly after we arrived this uppity bitch came in gabbing on her cell phone. When the receptionist asked her to turn off her cell phone because those devices interfere with the medical equipment, the bitch got an attitude and said, “Where does it say that?” The receptionist then pointed to the THREE SIGNS IN FRONT OF THE BITCH’S FACE THAT SAID “NO CELL PHONES – THEY INTERFERE WITH THE MONITOR EQUIPMENT.” I laughed loud enough to be noticed, and the bitch went over to the room’s one corner.
When it was finally the better half’s turn to be prodded, the tech person did her thing and it’s official: Mrs. kkk’s knocked up. The only surprise was that kkk jr. wasn’t as developed as initially thought, which meant the better half got tainted by me sometime in late November rather than in October. That just gives me a few more weeks of listening to the better half bitching about how much her back hurts from dragging around a living being inside of her. It also means that the gender is up for grabs. When we first went to the doctor’s office, she said that if Mrs. kkk got knocked up a while after having sex then there’s a good chance the kid will be a girl. This is because the girly sperm lives longer than the manly sperm. (I’m not saying this – that’s what I was told.) Then again, this makes sense because I’m sure the girl sperm probably nags the boy sperm to the point where the males don’t want to go on living.
It’s odd. The wife wants a boy while I’m actually more partial to a girl. I’m not sure why. Part of the reason is because I hate hunting and fishing, and I know jack shit about cars. If kkk jr. has a penis, he’d probably be looking to put it in some guy’s anus once puberty hits due to my un-manliness. Then again, the one thing I’m dreading about having a girl is … well, let me paraphrase these words from one of the better half’s friends, which sums up my fears perfectly. “With a boy you have to worry about one dick. With a girl, you have to worry about everyone’s dick.” However, all this aside, what’s freaking me out is if the baby will be healthy. I guess that’s better than not caring at all.
Awww, it has my nose.
1 p.m.
• OK, I got one of these what-were-you-doing-during-the-1980s and decided to give it a go. These answers will be the first thing that comes to mind. I noticed while copying and pasting the questions that there are some “favorites” listed. My first thought will be my “favorite” during the time. So if I'm asked about my “favorite 1980s athlete,” it would be my thought during the 1980s, not my “current-day” favorite athlete from the 1980s.
remember when.....
1.How old were you in 1980?
4-5
2. How old were you in 1989?
13-14
3. Were you a Toys R' Us kid?
Not until the local Children's Palace went under
4. Did you watch Transformers?
Not really
5. Did you see E.T. on the big screen?
I think so
6. Did you own a Lite Bright?
I think so
7. Who is your Favorite Golden Girl?
Sofia
8. When someone says " Who you gonna call? " You think?
Ghosbusters
9. What was your favorite toy?
Star Wars action figures or dinosaur figures. I got a few miles out of my Bigwheel, too. That was all before video games, of course.
10. Did you have a Pogo Ball?
No
11. Did you listen to New Kids on the Block?
No
12. What New Kid did you have a crush on?
None
13. Did you play M.A.S.H.?
You could “play” it?
14. Did you watch The Care Bears?
No
15. Did you have Jelly bracelets?
The hell are these questions?
16. Did you have a charm necklace and/or bracelet?
Fuck no
17. Did you own a glo-worm?
No
18. Did you ever own a slap bracelet?
No
19. The Breakfast Club or Sixteen Candles?
Neither -- if forced to choose, The Breakfast Club
20. Did you have a crazy hair style?
No (only when I woke up in the morning before taking a shower)
21. What was your first bike?
A shitty used bike with faggy handlebars I got for $20. Years later I got a Huffy BMX.
22. Name one thing you still own from your childhood?
Oh Christ. My video games, sports cards, many of my action figures and cars. All are boxed up. I am meaning to one day re-organize my card collection, and I’m probably just going to have kkk Jr. play with my old stuff.
23. Did you have a Cabbage Patch Kid?
No
24. Did you dress like Madonna?
No
25. Rainbow Brite or Strawberry Shortcake?
Strawberry shortcake, if only for the food factor
26. Did you watch Miami Vice?
No, but I had the soundtrack
27. Did you own a pair of Jelly Shoes?
No
28. Did you own a Trapper Keeper?
Yes
29. Atari or Nintendo?
Atari, then Sega
30. Did you play Pac-Man?
Hell yeah
31. Which was better: Jem and The Holograms or Barbie and The Rockers!?
Jem. There was a kid in school named “James” and we goofed on him with the help of said cartoon.
32. He-Man or She-Ra?
He-Man.
33. What movie scared you the most?
Wow. I can’t think of one. I know I always used to watch this weekly “Saturday Nightmares” movie-of-the-week thing and just about every one of those freaked me out in some way. Can’t remember any of the names though.
34. Did you try to dance like Michael Jackson?
(Sigh) Yes.
35. G.I. Joe cartoon or comics?
Cartoon, although I was never a big G.I. Joe fan.
36. Favorite 80's movie?
Ghostbusters, although Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade popped into my head later.
37. Most nostalgic 80's movie?
Hmmm, I’d have to say “Ghostbusters” again. Just the memories of where I used to watch that film. Then again, I remember watching “Hunt for Red October” in the theater with people SMOKING around me. Oh, how could I have been so stupid? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Wait, were they in the 1980? Shit. Off by one year.
38. 3-2-1 Contact or Reading Rainbow?
Huh? I remember Picture Pages -- does that count?
39. Muppet Movie of the 80's:
Not a Muppets fan.
40. Favorite 80's sports dynasty?
You probably can’t call the Pistons of the late 1980s-early 1990s a “dynasty,” so I’d have to go with the Boston Celtics (if you could call them such a thing, too). Didn’t like the 49ers because they were getting up there with the beloved “Stillers” of the 1970s in Super Bowl wins. Didn’t really follow basketball but I knew who Larry Bird was, so yay.
41. Best Sitcom?
The Cosby show with the “new” Mamma’s Family a close second.
42. Favorite WWF Wrestler of the 80's?
Sgt. Slaughter, with that KoKo B-Ware/Owen Hart tag team an afterthought.
12:15 p.m.
• I need to check the last few weeks of my kkk Bowl matchups to see if I'm winning any of these contests.
(3.5) Cleveland @ Cincinnati. Won't be as high-scoring as the last affair, but I'm hoping the Browns play like the playoffs are at stake.
(9.5) Green Bay @ Chicago. I wasn't sure about this one. I'm hoping the Bears defense is so pissed off by the offensive unit that they mail this one in.
Houston @ Indianapolis (7.5). Oakland lost by a touchdown last week. I'm hoping the Texans can do the same.
Kansas City @ Detroit (4.5). Sure they are in a free-fall, but the Lions can win this one, can't they?
Miami @ New England (100) (22.5). You're on a roll, Miami. Lose by just three touchdowns.
(3.5) N.Y. Giants @ Buffalo. I don't think Buffalo will mail this one in, even though they are out of the playoff race.
Oakland @ Jacksonville (13.5). Jacksonville will win by 13. I hope.
Philadelphia @ New Orleans (3.5). I heard the Saints are sill in the wild-card hunt. No shit.
Washington @ Minnesota (6.5). Here's hoping the Vikings win by 4. Also, I guess they are now the NFC team analysts are saying, "Boy I sure wouldn't want to meet them in the playoffs." Christ I hate that line. I feel the need to bitch about this cliche again, but maybe some other time.
Atlanta @ Arizona (10.5). Hmm, I'm getting second thoughts about this one. No. Keep it as is.
Baltimore @ Seattle (10.5). Seattle will win, but not in double digits.
N.Y. Jets @ Tennessee (8.5). That spread seems too big for me.
(6.5) Tampa Bay @ San Francisco. I'm gettng second thoughts about this one, too. Shit.
Denver @ San Diego (8.5). I'm curious to see how the Chargers play in the postseason.
11:45 a.m.
• So I have the Outback Bowl on as background noise and I think I recently heard the ESPN announcer say some guy from Tennessee just ran into the end zone for the first down. Yeah, I know it's a live broadcast and you often mix up your words (that's why I don't think many politician flubs are that funny -- a person might have been campaigning for 12 straight hours and then slip up on a word or phrase), but this got a chuck out of me.
5 p.m.
• New year, new change to KK's Korner. I'm going to start putting more recent updates below the older ones. A few times I noted that I was continuing a story and spoiled a few tales by having the startling conclusions at the top of the page.
• Was flipping channels this afternoon and noted the following:
1) It’s nice to hear Pat Summerall still announcing every now and then. I think the reason for my feelings on this matter is that he’s not going to be around forever.
2) I saw parts of that “winter classic” where the NHL held a hockey game outdoors in Buffalo. I like the idea, and having such a game every year would help the league in terms of publicity and the like. However, who thought it’d be a good idea to have this game take place during college football’s biggest day, outside of the BcS title game?
10:30 p.m.
• I generally don't like their ads, and I've heard bad things about Allstate from some people I know. However, this ad made me laugh out loud the first time I watched it, even though I figured out what was going on early on in the ad.
• Speaking of football, this Sugar Bowl -- ugh. There better be one heck of a second-half rally or we won't have a champion in this year's REGULAR SEASON TOURNAMENT.
8:30 p.m.
• So I’ve been hearing about Roger Clemens and his hard-hitting “60 Minutes” interview. First off, I have to chuckle because I’ve heard more than one person go “OMG Roger knows Mike Wallace – not fair, soft interview!” So we are supposed to discount this interview due to media bias? How come when the same griping goes on in the political world the accusers are right-wing nut jobs? Well that’s because we are. Nevermind. Is Roger telling the truth? I don’t know and I don’t care. I will say this, though. For now I will take his word. Not because I believe in that innocent until proven guilty stuff. But rather if he gets busted for roids, I’ll have plenty of time to make up for saying, “let’s just wait until his dealer comes out of hiding.” But wait, Marian Jones and Barry Bonds did many of the same things – did you believe them? Why should I – they are black.
• Some guy from Ohio State just scored a touchdown on a 65-yard run. I don’t care who wins the BcS title, but I guess I’m pulling for Ohio State. I’m sure they have more white players than LSU, but a bigger reason is I sometimes get tired of hearing how one team is going to dominate a contest before the game even starts. By the way, will a college football fan help me out on this: what do those little symbols on a player’s helmet stand for – the number of games played/started?
• OK, I've had enough of these "productivity enhancer" ads. Go away.
1:30 p.m.
• Now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day. This woman married some guy who always plays video games and Instant Messaging on the computer. They have one baby and thinks he should be more responsible. Uhhhh, I don’t think I want to hear the rest of this one…
9:30 p.m.
• You know what’s got me wondering. With the polls and pundits expecting a double-digit Obama win yesterday, and getting a way different result once all the votes were cast, how come I haven’t been hearing about voter disenfranchisement?
How come I haven’t heard about any far-sighted Jews talking about confusing ballots?
How come I haven’t heard about snarling police dogs keeping the three black people in New Hampshire away from the polls?
How come I haven’t heard about calls to nursing homes and flyers littering the plighted areas of town telling people that voting will take place on Wednesday, January 9 instead of Tuesday, January 8?
How come I haven’t heard about defective voting machines or erroneous tabulation counters?
How come?
I’ll tell you what. Seeing how I didn’t hear any of these problems after the 2006 elections, I must say that all that election-reform hooey really must have worked. It seems that literally overnight all of our voting problems were solved. Weird.
2 p.m.
• So I was driving into work today and there was a radio commercial that caught my ears. Some of you may remember when I opined about a local restaurant chain and its stupid Frownie mascot. Well, this place is bringing back a promotion where if you order certain menu items you get a menu item of equal or lesser value free. No problem with that. However, the ad went something like, “Try a classic King’s dish like the new breakfast scramblers (or whatever the entrée was).” How can a “classic” dish be “new”? And I thought TNT’s “Instant Classics” were bad.
• Yeah, this is going to throw off Emily’s routine. I’m sure he doesn’t have ANY of these episodes on DVD.
5:15 p.m.
• Snow snow I hate snow. Actually, the drive wasn’t that bad home from work today. It took twice as long, but traffic was slow. Eh, whatever. At least we were moving. Funny thing was some jangala Oryctolagus cuniculus coming home from school hit our car with a snowball. It would have been funny to put it in reverse and plow into the herd, but then I’d be charged with a hate crime.
5:15 p.m.
• So if you know a couple who went through a miscarriage, and you actually care about these people, DON’T do the following:
1) Say “Well that means the baby was probably deformed or something.”
2) Mail a Jesus booklet with a headline on the cover that says “You baby is dead.”
Did I tell you who did both things? My mom. And the sad thing is she’s trying to be supportive. I’m not offended or anything, but it’s bad enough when the “baby” or “new parent” free magazines show up in the mail.
Speaking of my mom and the mail, when that dead baby booklet showed up in the mail, there was a letter from the mailman that said I owed 32 cents. My guess is that the dead baby book wasn’t accurately weighed. So I went into the ol’ piggy bank, put in 32 pennies and placed the “IOU” envelope back in the mailbox. But hey, at least the post office figured out the right address this time.
Uh oh.
• I finally got around to watching the “My Big Redneck Wedding” show in which my region was featured. Let’s run down the checklist of what I saw on the program that made me feel right at home:
Pickup truck that’s cleaner than their house? Check.
Steeler jersey? Check.
Lemieux jersey? Check.
Reception held at fire hall? Check.
OK, now here’s what scared me. The groom’s wedding band was purchased at the same place I bought mine. Additionally, Mrs. kkk’s wedding dress and the show’s bride-to-be got both of their garments from the identical location. Hilarious.
7:30 p.m.
• So on Easter Sunday it was off to the in-laws for lunch/dinner/whatever the hell they did this year. The brother-in-law and his family made their usual trip and it’s funny to observe their kids as they are getting older. However, they (or at least the niece) are still kids in some respects – especially when my mother-in-law made some crack about her cat and how he started getting fat years ago after the vet “chopped his balls off.” The niece then asks, “what’s balls?” OK, I’ll be remembering that one for a while.
• Opening Day was just played?
Well, with that little reminder, it’s time to go up TSM’s resident baseball guru for another round of who knows more about the current state of America’s National Pastime.
Here’s that other person’s selections.
Time for Al kkk-eiper to do his thing:
Baltimore Orioles 66.0 – Over
Florida Marlins 69.0 – Under
Pittsburgh Pirates 70.0 – Over(!)
Kansas City Royals 71.0 – Over
Washington Nationals 72.0 – Over
Tampa Bay Devil Rays 73.0 – Over
San Francisco Giants 73.0 – Under
Oakland Athletics 74.0 – Under
Texas Rangers 75.5 – Under
Minnesota Twins 75.5 – Under
Houston Astros 76.0 – Under
Chicago White Sox 77.0 – Under
Cincinnati Reds 79.0 – Under
St. Louis Cardinals 80.0 – Under
Colorado Rockies 83.0 – Over
San Diego Padres 84.5 – Under
Seattle Mariners 85.0 – Over
Milwaukee Brewers 85.0 – Under
Toronto Blue Jays 85.5 – Over
Arizona Diamondbacks 86.0 – Over
Los Angeles Dodgers 86.5 – Under
Philadelphia Phillies 86.5 – Under
Atlanta Braves 87.0 – Under
Chicago Cubs 89.0 – Under
Cleveland Indians 89.5 – Over
Los Angeles Angels 92.5 – Under
Detroit Tigers 93.0 – Under
New York Yankees 93.5 – Under
New York Mets 94.0 – Under
Boston Red Sox 94.5 – Under
OK, now it’s time to see how the standings will look like:
NL EAST
New York Mets 94.0 – Under
Atlanta Braves 87.0 – Under
Philadelphia Phillies 86.5 – Under
Washington Nationals 72.0 – Over
Florida Marlins 69.0 – Under
NL CENTRAL
Chicago Cubs 89.0 – Under
Milwaukee Brewers 85.0 – Under
St. Louis Cardinals 80.0 – Under
Cincinnati Reds 79.0 – Under
Houston Astros 76.0 – Under
Pittsburgh Pirates 70.0 – Over
NL WEST
Arizona Diamondbacks 86.0 – Over
Los Angeles Dodgers 86.5 – Under
Colorado Rockies 83.0 – Over
San Diego Padres 84.5 – Under
San Francisco Giants 73.0 – Under
AL EAST
Boston Red Sox 94.5 – Under
New York Yankees 93.5 – Under
Toronto Blue Jays 85.5 – Over
Tampa Bay Devil Rays 73.0 – Over
Baltimore Orioles 66.0 – Over
AL CENTRAL
Cleveland Indians 89.5 – Over
Detroit Tigers 93.0 – Under
Chicago White Sox 77.0 – Under
Minnesota Twins 75.5 – Under
Kansas City Royals 71.0 – Over
AL WEST
Los Angeles Angels 92.5 – Under
Seattle Mariners 85.0 – Over
Texas Rangers 75.5 – Under
Oakland Athletics 74.0 – Under
O’righty then. And wtf is up with those “.5” over/under spreads? Only an asshole would do something like that.
10 p.m.
• Well, I knew it was going to happen someday. Remember this from 2+ years ago?
Well guess who's going to see a Pirates game tomorrow because his one out-of-state friend and her husband are visiting and want to see a game PNC Park? Yep. Well, it's the Cubs so the Bucs will probably get pounded 10-0. Oh well, at least I got $5 off each ticket because of some Comcast deal.
9 p.m.
• So I found out today that my former place of employment is now making its employees pay for part of their health insurance. But kkk, you might ask, don’t many employers do this to help curb the cost of premiums? Sure they do. However, this place doesn’t pay its workers jack shit to begin with. In fact, I remember when the job offer was made to me I was told REPEATED times that the big benefit to working here is that the health insurance was paid for. Guess that’s not the case anymore. So now do my former co-workers have the lowest wages in the industry (this is a fact – our actuary did a report on this a few years ago) but now they have to pay for the one reason many of them stay there. Well they stay for that and their inability to actually go out and get a different job. While I’m on this subject, my ex-coworker got all the i’s dotted and t’s crossed and will be starting his new job shortly. Well after he gets his June commission check because he wrote several hundred thousand dollars worth of business and doesn’t want to get cheated out of his money.
Oh, and while everyone at the office has to pay for part of their health insurance, the person who replaced me at my job is starting out at a much higher wage than my starting figure (once again, more power to her) and getting thousands of dollars of new equipment that isn’t necessary because the current office equipment is more than satisfactory (it’s only three years old; I had to go through hoops in late 2004 to get a new computer to replace the 1998 model I was working on at the time). Oh, and the idiot boss has also hired a third-party contractor to work on the web site, which is what I used to do. Of course, the web site hasn’t been updated in almost FIVE MONTHS and this person has been on the job for almost two months. Then there’s going to be the full-time assistant my successor is supposed to get as well. And my ex-coworkers, the same ex-coworkers who have been picking up additional responsibilities since my resignation, now have to chip to control workplace expenses. I swear to Christ this is soooooo entertaining to observe when you aren’t directly affected by this stupidity. Then again, there comes a time when you have to realize the shithole you are spending one-third of your day isn’t worth it anymore and that the time to look for another way to pay the mortgage is now. Sadly, there are some people I used to work with that will never get this. Fortunately, my one co-worker who worked next to me isn’t one of those sad sacks.
• You know, I actually wouldn’t mind this idea – if you got a discount/banked space for not going over your allotment. Then again, what’s the point of offering incentives? Then again … again … I know I don’t download that much porn so I don’t have to worry about this extra billing. I hope.
9:30 p.m.
• Reason #5479834 why karma is going to kick me. Hard.
Last night the better half got a call from her co-worker. Turns out her boyfriend (who was married but on the outs with his wife -- whatever) killed himself and she was the first to find the body. My first response? “Does this mean we’re not going out with them to Kennywood later this month?” Sue me for trying to incorporate some much-needed humor into this otherwise gloomy situation.
However, in some good news, several years ago I talked about the happy times the kkk household had when I found out just how much credit card debt Mrs. kkk accumulated over the years. Well, a while back this debt was vanquished and Phase II of this master plan went into effect. After the credit cards were paid off I wanted to put a sizable amount of money in the checking and savings accounts. I go over the finances at the end of each month, and I was waiting for the day when, after all the bills were paid for the month, we got to a certain balance in both accounts. June 1 had us at $68 above this targeted minimum. What did Mrs. kkk do to celebrate? Go out and buy two shirts at Kohl’s (at least it was a BOGO) along with buying a hose container for the newly purchased “kink-less” hose she purchased a week or so ago. Sigh.
Now it's onto Phase III -- pay off the car (only 5 more installments until it breaks down) and my school loan. This should be completed by October/November -- just in time for Black Friday.
10 p.m.
• So this is the last week of the better half’s employment and her idiot boss gave her a $30 gift card to Panera Bread. Oh yay. For those that don’t know, Panera is one of those hippie stores that sell overpriced food that doesn’t even come close to filling you up. Because we were going grocery shopping today, we decided to just buy a bunch of shit and get this $30 gift card out of our lives forever.
Now I’ve never been in a Panera store before, but it was no different than the few other times I went into these kind of eateries. Mrs. kkk got a sandwich, cookie and frozen coffee. I got a sandwich, soup and frozen smoothie. Not quite $30 but it was close. However, this is what blew my mind. We got one of those coaster-things that flash when your order is ready. That’s odd, but whatever. As we sat at our booth we heard “kkk, your order is ready.” Well what’s the point of having the coster-thingy if they’re just going to call out our name anyway? I digress. I also went to the stand that called out our order. I noticed that we only had our soup and sandwiches. Figure out what I said and what the Panera employee said:
“Where’s the rest of our order?”
“You have to get the drinks over at that register.” *Points leftward.*
OK, so I went and took the food to our booth and went to pick up the drinks. I then noticed Mrs. kkk’s cookie was nowhere to be found. Figure out what I said and what another Panera employee said:
“Where’s the cookie to this order?”
“You have to get cookies over at that register.” *Points leftward.*
You’re being serious? I had to go to three registers to complete my order. Thank Christ this store was near empty. Damn hippie store. Oh well, at least they didn’t put grass on my food like the Atlanta Bread Company.
• Good thing Osama isn’t Jewish; God knows what Jimmy would be calling him. His stuttering was the best part.
7 p.m.
• So did you all know that the GOP Vice President candidate has a 17-year-old kid who is knocked up? In another startling development, John Kerry served in Vietnam.
You know what, I don’t care if this chick is a Jesus freak. I’ve heard some of the stuff she’s said regarding God and all that shit, but you know what? I don’t care. I learned years ago that many of the people I vote for are in with the Bible-thumper crowd. But you know what? I don’t care. I’ve accepted that fact. Shit, Rick Santorum was my n*gga but I know if we ever had a conversation about theology for more than 5 minutes Rick would either damn my soul to hell or start a group prayer for my well-being.
Smues, I’m sure you can tell a bunch of stories about Palin regarding stuff I don’t want to hear, but when you’ve had this asshole as your governor for six years…
…even the Community Organizer will start to look appealing. Wait, check that. I can’t let that go. Fuck, I’d rather have Fast Eddie as my political figure than Osama. Now that’s saying something.
8 p.m.
• So what's our exit strategy for pulling out of Chicago?
Oh, yeah. The exit strategy for urban flight is getting a job and then a UHaul.
8 p.m.
• Yeah, who needs preseason. All the good players will just get hurt anyway. (Just heard on NBC's recap show this injury is serious.)
• You know what I hate most about this commercial?
These people go to some yuppie place for dinner and they eat MACARONI AND CHEESE? I bet the bacon is what makes this dish decadent!
If I had to dress up for some tasting, it better be for some form of surf 'n turf.
8:30 p.m.
• Saturday night when Mrs. kkk came home from work at 11:15 p.m. Max got out and hasn’t returned. Little bastard. He’s shown up a few times on the porch looking for food but bolted when we opened the front door. I really don’t care if he comes back, but the better half is in hysterics. I just find it funny that the laziest cat I have ever seen decided to live outside (during the summer he was out on the porch for 10-15 minutes, came in and slept in front of an AC vent for several hours). Of course, Mrs. kkk has seen him twice since Saturday because we are putting out food for him in the hopes that we can snag this little fucker. Of course, like all welfare programs, this is attracting the other strays in the neighborhood, which is a bit of a surprise because I didn’t realize how many outside cats there were in this place. The house across from us has been abandoned for years, and I guess stray kitties have squatted there for year. Wonderful. I’ll say this, though. Our female Dessa hasn’t been this happy in YEARS.
7:30 p.m.
• So just under two weeks ago Max bolted from our happy home into the wild. On Monday night we set out a cage trap that was loaned from one of Mrs. kkk’s friends. Basically, an animal walks into the cage and it shuts, trapping it. These devices are used at the friend’s workplace, so we began putting food in this contraption in hopes Max would not notice the chain links and hanging wall waiting to block any chance of escape one would have from entering this narrow corridor. Well Monday night came and went with NOBODY caught. Hell, I was expecting a stray to enter in the cage of no return. This of course had the better half convinced Max was dead. I, once again, was indifferent. If the little bastard wants his freedom then he’ll have to forgo his security -- four walls, a roof, three meals, water, etc.
We set the cage out again last night. When I awoke this morning I trudged on over to the front door to see if we had any takers. I noticed that the cage’s front door had shut, meaning we snagged something. I then turned on the porch light and what did I see?
I am Max and I wish to negotiate.
You little shit.
I woke up the better half and we took him down into the basement where he ate for 5-10 minutes and began rubbing up on both of us like he wanted to come home all along. Of course, he was covered in hair knots, jaggers and had a tick coming out of his left ear. Before taking him to the vet today we treated him just like the U.S. did the former dictator of Iraq.
The prognosis is this: He has a slight fever and lost a pound. Otherwise he’s in good shape. The vet was amazed he was in as good shape as he was for being out almost a fortnight. Of course, we then came to the conclusion that he probably took up residence in the abandoned house or its backyard shed for most of his time away. Fitting, since this is without a doubt the laziest cat I have ever seen. Nonetheless he’s back home and when he comes out of "quarantine" in another 40 hours I’m sure Dessa and JJ will be TRHILLED once again. (Actually, Max has gotten out of the spare bedroom twice already and made a break for downstairs, much to the chagrin of his feline housemates. You see, cats recognize each other by scent, and since Max has been funked up JJ and Dessa are going to act like he’s a new resident, which will result in hissing, growling and screaming. For JJ it will take a week or two to get over this. Dessa just doesn’t like anyone, so in that regard nothing will have changed.
Remember that you're playing against the team that didn't want your services at the helm. For God's sake please beat the Steelers, if only because if the black and gold win I'll have to deal with local stories like, "OMG DAN ROONEY IS GOING TO MEET PRESIDENT HUSSEIN IN THE WHITE HOUSE" once the winning Super Bowl team heads to D.C. Yeah, ol' Dan sure loves Osama -- that's why he was trying to sell the Steelers before President Hussein could jack up the capital gains tax. That old bastard should have to pay out the difference anyway; do as I say not as I do indeed.
8:45 p.m.
• So I don't know what's funnier. Hearing the better half yell "fatass" whenever the Arizona Cardinals did something good in today's game against the Philadelphia Eagles ("fatass" is her pet name for our Philly-based governor; she hates everything from the City of Brotherly Love now), or hearing her shout obscenities whenever there’s yet another ad/reference to President Hussein and his big day.
• I'm glad the Steelers didn't score any points at the end of the first half. That "roughing the punter" call was utter bullshit.
Fitting how I start this blogging thing on the most miserable day of the year. Great omen.
• So Canada just elected a conservative government. Woo-hoo. Time to oppress some minorities. (Besides those Eskimos that club seals, does Canada have any minorities?) With this new government to be shortly installed, I guess that means in a few years Canada’s public sector will rise exponentially in ways the most wide-eyed liberal could only have dreamed of, yet they will piss and moan the entire time about how not enough money is being spent. I remember when the U.S. Congress turned conservative in ’94 and all the “limited government” that took place then. God only knows what’s going to happen north of the border. Besides, it’s not like I’ve read this new guy is going to “limit” government, only make it "cleaner," whatever the hell that means.
I don’t know (or care) much about Canadian politics. From what I gathered, the eastern part is made up of socialists and America-haters (aka French people), while the populace is a little more traditional out west. This election and power change will probably not make much of a difference; I don’t see Canada ditching that universal health care system, reducing taxes or increasing gun ownership freedoms anytime soon. In fact, the only thing that remotely interested me is a story about a certain filmmaker and his opinion of the Canadian elections – and the headline wasn’t even written by the Washington Times or New York Post (Michael Moore weighs in on Canada's election). Good job. Perhaps Mikey should have done a film about how Canadian conservatives suck, and then the election wins would have been greater. You should really punish Canada, Mikey, and outsource the jobs you provide up there and give them to hard-working Americans instead.
• Mario Lemieux called it quits from his NHL playing career today, citing an irregular heartbeat, among other things. Having lived in Shittsburgh during the Lemieux Era, I can say firsthand that he is one of the biggest sports icons in the area, next to Roberto Clemente and Steelers like Mean Joe Greene and Jack Lambert. While many say Wayne Gretzky was the greatest NHL player of all time, I always thought Lemieux, if given the supporting cast and health, would have been better. But both players have more money than I’ll ever see, not to mention multiple Stanley Cup titles, so arguing about who was better in situations like this is a waste of time.
The one Mario moment that sticks out for me was the year the Pens won their first Cup. At the time they had a fast, exciting team but seemed to miss a piece or two to take that next step. They found those pieces in a mid-season trade which brought over center Ron Francis and defensemen Ulf Samuelsson. Thanks in part to these two acquisitions, the Pens won the Patrick Division (I miss those old division/conference titles) and eventually defeated the Minnesota North Stars, who had a hell of a playoff run themselves by beating the league's top two teams in points for that season in the first two rounds (Chicago/St. Louis) en route to reaching the Cup Finals.
When the Pens won that first Cup, Mario truly brought hockey to Shittsburgh. Well, to its suburbs, anyway. Instead of playing backyard football in the mud, we were now running around on asphalt swinging sticks at each other; a much better idea. Sadly I was one of those little punks, although I wasn’t the kid who had the fancy aluminum stick that cost $80+ and still sucked, nor was I the kid who had the "official" goalie pads and would still allow that bright orange ball to trickle through the five-hole.
Thanks for the memories, Mario, and for the good times you inspired us to have by playing street hockey when we could have been studying to get into better colleges or volunteering our time in soup kitchens or assisted-living communities.
• So the WB and UPN will be merging? I guess it’s better to have one network nobody watches than two.
• I was driving home today from work through the commie part of Shittsburgh (or should I say the “more commie” part where all the college students and yuppies live) and saw a bumper sticker which read “Draft Republicans.” Clever. Too bad it’s a volunteer military, jackass. I've always been more partial to the "Mission (nothing) Accomplished" one myself.
• This week Parade Magazine presented us with the World's 10 Worst Dictators. Although a list of the World's 10 Nicest Dictators would have been a more interesting read, I took a look at who made the list this year. The results weren't that surprising: Omar al-Bashir of Sudan and Kim Jong-il of North Korea topped the list, followed by a bunch of people whose countries I've never heard of before and whose country's names will probably change in a week or two after the next "people's uprising" or civil war.
One popular face on this list, Fidel Castro, from everybody's favorite commie island for forbidden cigars, dropped a few spots this year, probably in part to Cuba's improving economy from the hit it took due to the Soviet Union going under. Oh, and big ups to Islam Karimov of Uzbekistan, who leapfrogged from fifteen to the number five spot. I look for him to do even bigger and better things next year. Thank goodness I was recently able to get him in my Fantasy Dictator League, and all I had to give up was some general in the Congo who got killed several revolutions ago (I had him on injured reserve) -- sometimes it pays to be in a league with people who get their news from state-run media agencies.
• Did you know that giving out pork soup is one of the worst things you can do to a homeless Muslim male? Well, it is. Looks like there will be another riot going on in France if the Frenchies don't get their act together and start giving out some inoffensive nourishment. Here's my favorite part of the article:
And here I thought it would be discriminatory to outright refuse to give Ahmed the soup. I'm sure Allah won't be that upset if one of his followers consumes pork soup to stay alive. Well, Allah will probably get a little peeved, but after offing a few infidels, I'm sure the big guy will let it slide, especially if Ahmed gets healthy enough to blow himself up in a nightclub or public square.
• Being the ignorant American that I am, I don't know much about England's politics. However, I must admit to regularly watching video of their Parliament in action on C-Span. For 30 minutes every week, I can see Tony Blair stand up in the middle of a crowded auditorium, holding that huge binder of his, and listen to critics say how much he sucks as a leader. It actually makes for entertaining television, and many times Blair usually slaps back his critics by saying "Yeah, well you suck even more," which usually brings about a bunch of hootin' and hollerin' from the gallery.
Anyway, the reason I brought this up is because the
Liberal Democrat Party looks to be in some trouble. Some bigwig named Simon Hughes recently admitted that he has had homosexual and heterosexual relationships, after initially denying that he was gay. My question here is why did Hughes lie in the first place? I'm sure "liberal" across the Pond might have some differences with the "liberal" over in the States, but wouldn't this sort of acknowledgement make him more popular with his base?
• Remember that red diaper doper baby judge in Vermont who gave a repeated child rapist 60 days in jail? Well, now he's getting tough. He's upped the sentence to at least three years. Easy there big guy. Don't go off the edge just yet. What if this rapist says he's sorry? Then I'll bet you'll feel bad for locking him up until 2009.
Sure I can get pissed off with this shithead judge, but here's something from the first article I linked to that enrages me even more:
At least eight years? This is the prosecutor talking here, not the guy's defense lawyer. How about at least eight bullets to the head? If you think about it, the judge just met the prosecutors halfway on this case.
• And finally, on a somber note, we must say goodbye to adult performer Anna Malle, who recently died in a car accident. For some reason, if she were to die in a vehicle-related incident, I had always pictured her passing away in the middle of a train.
Well, the Powerball jackpot has reached the $250 million mark, which of course means now that businesses across America are now engaged in office pools in hopes of getting the ultimate workplace bonus. Naturally my place of employment engages in this behavior whenever a lottery reaches the $150+ million mark, and I participate in my office lottery pool. Do I think I’ll win a share of this prize? Not at all. But I do know that if I don’t chip in my $5 it’s assured that my co-workers will win, and lord knows I don’t want that to happen.
A few jobs I worked at over the years have done these lottery pools, and I have always suggested the following in hopes of getting an easy win: Always have one person that regularly partakes in the office lottery not put in any money. The reason I say this is because nearly every office pool that wins these mega-lottery winnings always has some disgruntled employee suing because they weren’t offered a chance to put in a few dollars. Of course, this idea always gets shot down, but if I won part of a $100 million jackpot, I’d gladly skim a few million off the top to the person who didn’t put money in because the karma that helped us get this money was worth much more than any monetary contribution the “stiffed” person would have given.
Anyway, I know playing the lottery is like flushing your money down the toilet, but there’s no way I want to be left out of an office pool. Would you want to be that one schmoe the day after the winning numbers are called watching everyone else turn in their resignations because they each won several million? Of course you wouldn’t. And believe it or not, but the main reason I’d want to win the lottery is so when the several co-workers at my job who never participate in these pools ask to get a cut of the proceeds (and believe me they will), I can tell them to kiss my ass. Also, it would feel so great to tell any family members who I haven’t seen in at least a decade approach me with their hands out so I can say “fuck off.” The seven-digit bank account is a mere afterthought when compared to the glory of telling people you hate to jump off a bridge.
Even though I don’t regularly play the lottery, there have been two instances where I came close to winning. The first time took place years ago. I was no older than seven or eight, and I was in downtown Shittsburgh with my dad for some reason. We walked by a store that had a lottery machine, and he told me to pick three numbers for the Pennsylvania Daily Number. Not really wanting to do this, I just blurted out “804.” The old man bought the $1 ticket and gave it to me for safekeeping.
When 7 p.m. came around, it was time for the Daily Numbers to be drawn. The first number was “8.” The second was “0.” I was now up on my feet in my grandma’s living room shouting, “Come on 4! Come on 4!”
It was “5.” Sure the jackpot wouldn’t have been that big with the drawing being only three numbers between 0 and 9, but that wasn’t the point. I had aunts and uncles play this stupid game every night, and the looks of disgust I would have gotten for picking three correct numbers one night would have caused a rift in the family that probably would still go on to this very day.
The second time I came close to winning a lottery was a few years ago when I lived in the Cincinnati area. Some lottery called Mega Millions was up to an extraordinary high amount, and I became the person in charge of getting lottery entries together. (Swift Terror may remember this, seeing how we were employed there at the same time.) I didn’t mind coordinating this office pool, because that meant not having to do any real work for a day or two.
After a few days of getting the word out to the several hundred people in our building, I got entries from 57 people who chipped in $5 each. I walked down to the local Quickie-Mart and got 285 tickets. I came back, made copies of each ticket and passed them out to everyone. The Friday drawing was that night, and I didn’t stay up for it because I knew we had no chance of winning.
Or did we?
The next day I woke up and began to compare all the tickets with the winning numbers. I remember the drawn numbers had a funky order to them, like “1, 5, 6, 32 and 49” with some special colored ball being a different “25.” This unique order of numbers made it easy for me to go through the tickets, because the first several numbers were close to each other. Oops, this ticket’s low number is 24 -- loser. This one starts out with 12 -- next. Going through the tickets was smooth sailing until I stumbled across one ticket that read, “1, 5, 6, 32.” For an instant my heart stopped beating, and I think I was just seconds away from peeing myself. Naturally, the next number was off, as well as that hippie colored ball. The rest of my tickets weren’t even close to matching the winning numbers. When I looked to see what I had won for picking four correct numbers, it was $150. What really made my heart sink was that if there was one more number correct, we would have gotten a $175,000 prize, which when split up would have been a few grand per person. (If you are getting a sense of déjà vu over this story, I made a thread about this subject when it actually happened.)
Anyway, those are the two times I have come close to winning the lottery. Will tonight’s drawing be any different? The odds are 1-in-God-Knows-How-Many that it won’t be, but you never know. Somebody has to win this tax on the stupid.
Well yesterday was a joy. As I was finishing up the weeklong task of cleaning up the house, I went into the last carpeted room that wasn’t vacuumed yet. After I sprinkled some carpet deodorizer onto the floor, I noticed that the vacuum cleaner wasn’t picking up any debris. We bought this thing a few months ago and now it’s on the fritz, yippie. After spending 20 minutes trying to figure out how to open it up, I noticed some band was busted/burnt off, which is probably the reason for the machine’s malfunction. Fortunately, I have an extra vacuum cleaner I use for the basement. It’s designed for hardwood floors, so it didn’t work all too that well but it sucked up the carpet cleaning stuff, so now I at least don’t have to worry about the cats rolling around in this shit.
After vacuuming (or at least attempting to vacuum), I went to use the digital camera and that didn’t work. My guess is it needs new batteries, but I don’t recall seeing the “battery low” being displayed the last time I used it. Hopefully, I just need to put in a new set of batteries and don’t have to replace it altogether. Of course there were no batteries in the house, so I had to drive to the Kmart down the street and buy some. Sounds simple, right? Wrong. When I got into my car, the damn thing wouldn’t start; hopefully this vehicle just needs a new battery as well, but who knows? When it rains it pours.
After breaking these three appliances/electronic devices, I watched for the first time “Million Dollar Baby.” I remember when this film came out there was some controversy about its supposedly “pro euthanasia” theme. I didn’t really get that vibe from watching the movie.
I consider myself a “pro-euthanasia” person, but only if that is the final wish of the person dying. In this movie dying was clearly the wish of Maggie Fitzgerald; it’s not like she had an ex-husband who was telling us 10 years ago she told him that she never wanted to live like she was in that hospital. The only two things I got “offended” at in this movie were Maggie’s white-trash family and that boxer who put her in the hospital bed with a cheap shot. It would have been nice to know what happened to her boxing career after committing that sucker punch, but at that point in the movie it really didn’t matter.
I’m not sure if it deserved to win “Best Picture,” because I haven’t seen any of the other nominees for that year, but I don’t think it was filmed to have all of us go to nursing homes and start yanking away life support plugs
After watching “Million Dollar Baby” I did some channel surfing and came across yet another hippie Vh1 Top 40 List. This time it was about the Top 40 Zany Concert Moments Of All Time. Seeing how I don’t go to music concerts, I stayed with this show just to find out what I have been missing all these years. Iggy Pop rubbed peanut butter on himself – wow. U2 got stuck in some huge stage prop – next. Someone dressed up as a frog, played a saxophone and fell in a moat – extreme. However, one entry got my attention, but it wasn’t for what happened at the event. Rather it was for what one person said about the fallout.
The year was 2004 and Linda Ronstadt was doing a Las Vegas show. After going off on a political spiel, which included praising Mikey Moore’s “Fahrenheit 9/11” some people in the audience started booing while others got up and left. Some even, allegedly, started throwing things at Ronstadt. When this was brought up on Vh1, we got to hear the expert testimony of Cindy Lauper compare these actions to a fascist state. *Sigh* Good one, Cindy. And these public figures wonder why many people don’t take them seriously when they try to go off from a script.
I only caught the first 20 of this list of wacky concert moments, but I’m willing to bet that Alice Cooper throwing a chicken out to an audience to be dismembered or Ozzie biting the head off of something-or-other up near the top on this list. I’m sure this list will be televised at least 1,000 before the end of the year, so it’s a good bet I’ll see the Top 20 Zany Concert Moments of all time in the near future.
