kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 20
OK, now the competition is getting fast and fierce; 83 have been listed, 20 remain. The swerves, the pageantry, the… oh let’s get this fucking thing over with.
This poster has been a mod for some time, and unlike other TSM’ers in leadership positions, this guy is actually pretty well respected for his modding and knowledge of the folder’s contents in which he patrols with a big stick. That’s wooden. And made in Louisville. Well, maybe not Lousville – I have no idea what with globalization and all. Anyway, even though the guy’s a commie, much like another Pennsylvanian on this list he’s from the eastern part of the state, so it’s only natural he would fear self-reliance. Nevertheless, he puts up with my retarded jokes and AIM questions regarding America’s National Pastime – all while having the power to ban me in the blink of an eye.
I’m talking of course about…
...Al Keiper.
3 p.m.
• Yesterday I talked a bit about my pro wrestling viewing habits. Someone asked me what turned me off from the product. I guess the best answer is I got bored. Sometime in late 2001-early 2002 I was sitting on the couch watching Raw and thought to myself, “Why am I watching this?” I changed the channel and didn’t look back. Every now and then I’ll flip on Raw just to see if I can recognize today’s “Superstars.” It’s a hit-or-miss affair. Did the consolidation of the major American wrestling companies have something to do with this? I would have to say probably. In the late 1990s I remember watching WWF, WCW and ECW programming. When Vince McMahon swallowed up the competition the product seemed stale, especially after the whole “Invasion” angle. Oh well, it’s not like I can’t find anything else to waste my time on. I have no clue as to the financial state of the WWE, nor do I care. I have no idea what happened in the last few Wrestlemania, nor do I care. Most of my wrestling info comes from glancing at the WWE folder here and looking at the latest thread. If it’s any good I might click on it. And sadly, like I said yesterday, most of these threads involve someone dying. Who knows, maybe one day I'll tune into pro wrestling on a regular basis. Not sure when that day will come, though.
7 a.m.
• So I haven't gotten any interesting "enlarge your penis" ads in my e-mail bin as of late. I get them, but many of the ads aren't all that creative or funny. However, this one below pimping some "penis patch" to enlarge my member the "natural" way makes the cut. Peep the freak on the right.
10 a.m.
• So is North Korea now part of the Axis of Not-So-Nice?
• Yet another ruling by the uber-conservative Supreme Court.
Actually, I have the perfect solution. Don't execute these kiddie rapists. Just toss them into a prison's general population. Everybody's happy.
• Speaking of adult/kid sex. I wondered why these "To Catch a Predator" shows weren't on anymore.
Bummer. This was the best thing on television. I think I remember NBC airing that bit with the guy killing himself. Yeah, he was innocent.
6 p.m.
• What would a kkk-led nation be like? Here you go.
You know one of the things I love about the workplace? When you interview for a job, get a rundown of your duties and agree on a wage, only to discover that your employer neglected to inform you of the thirty other job responsibilities assigned to you. Better yet, they let you know of these newfound duties when whatever you’re responsible for breaks down. This happened to me the first time our office DSL service went kaput. You see, because I don’t fear computers (much), I’m the official IT guy. Of course, I didn’t learn of this until after the first time the DSL stopped working. Now, after many months of intensive study and rigorous training, I have developed a way to fix the many instances when our organization’s Internet setup goes haywire. You ready? Well, here’s what I do. I hope you’re sitting down for this.
I unplug the modem. Wait a few seconds. Replug.
That’s it.
And I’m the only person capable of doing this.
I swear to fucking Christ I don’t understand how our place stays in business. Whenever the Internet/e-mail is down for more than 30 seconds, I get a phone call saying, “OMG THE INTERNET IS DOWN~!” I then have to drop everything I’m doing, walk up two floors to the main office, unplug the fucking modem, wait a few seconds, and then replug it back in, all the while everyone else just sits there not having a fucking clue as of what to do. I’ve tried explaining to these people that every time I call Verizon DSL tech support, the first thing they tell me to do is unplug the modem and see if service gets kicked back on. EVERY FUCKING TIME I have had to call Verizon regarding this matter, this is what they tell me to do, and 99.9% of the time it has worked. When I ask why this happens, I don’t get a coherent answer. Of course, nobody else in our organization is capable to performing the technical magic I can. I have even offered to show people, free of charge, the complex task of UNPLUGGING AND REPLUGGING THE FUCKING MODEM. However, since this is “my job,” nobody else is able to shoulder this burden.
The last time I called off work our precious Internet service went down during my absence. I heard the next day that the Internet service was down for more than FOUR HOURS, all because nobody bothered to UNPLUG AND REPLUG THE FUCKING MODEM. I guess I should feel grateful that I’m such a valuable part of the team, but trust me hearing “OMG THE INTERNET IS DOWN~!” and having to walk up two stories just to UNPLUG AND REPLUG A FUCKING MODEM can get a little tedious, especially when I have actual work that needs to be done.
Why am I talking about this? Because this shit happened today. I was away from my office for about 45 minutes putting together a mass-mailing project. Now even though we have a midget who is supposed to be in charge of all postage matters, let’s just say I’ve learned to live by the saying of, “if you want a job done right do it yourself.” (And also because one time when he took several weeks to mail out something I needed sent ASAP due to the fact he was too fucking lazy to move a piece of equipment that weighed less than 10 lbs to get the thing that needed mailed, I was told to “go fuck myself.”) So there I was doing my thing, and after 45 minutes of work I went up to the third floor to weigh all the parcels I was sending out. Suddenly, I heard it. “OMG THE INTERNET IS DOWN~!” I was then informed that the Internet had been down for 40 MINUTES. I said that I’m already in the midst of another “crisis,” and that I can only handle one earth-shattering moment at a time. I promised that after I was done with what I was working on I’d get right onto the Internet catastrophe. After driving to and from the post office I took a 20-minute poop. Well the actual act of pooping only lasted about 30 seconds. The rest of the time was spent reading the rest of my Sunday Tribune-Review that I brought with me to work. You’ll be pleased to know that, after nearly 75 minutes of downtime, I was able to fix the precious Internet. How did I do it? Why, I UNPLUGGED AND REPLUGGED THE FUCKING MODEM.
Thank God I’m two floors away from just about every one of my co-workers.
8:15 p.m.
• Well, the attempt to legalize the Mexican invasion is back on like Donkey Kong.
Time to see how my elected officials voted.
Big fucking shock there, Crazy Arlen and Junior.
8 p.m.
• So now we can start suing hurricanes, or, better yet, George W. Bush for causing global warming which makes these natural disasters more, err, disastrous? Woo-hoo.
• My n*gga.
• Wait a second.
So these places have to put the calorie counts NEXT to their products on those marquee menus? Putting all the nutritional info on a placemat or on a wrapper or carton should be good enough.
This raises an interesting point. I'd be more curious to see this kind of information on sit-down restaurant menus. Not like that would deter me from ordering anything.
Only 990? Shit, I thought it would be way more than that.
2:30 p.m.
• Murder-suicides that make you think of ... Chris Benoit
Buncha crazy fucking people in this world.
2:15 p.m.
• So Chris Benoit died. Hey, why is my office desk swirling around me? And why do I have the urge to upchuck my lunch?
I don’t comment on wrestling all that much, and I stopped watching the product about 5-6 years ago. Growing up during the 80s, I was a huge Sgt. Slaughter fan, especially when he would beat up brown people. However, as I got older, I tuned out of the pro wrestling scene. In the mid- to late-1990s, I got interested in it once again when some people I knew started wearing those black-and-white New World Order shirts. When I found out what these things meant, I decided to check out this testosterone-lace soap opera. Again.
Even though I had no idea who most of the people were on WCW’s Nitro, I must say that I enjoyed this product. The production value, the pizzazz: it made for a very entertaining evening of television. And while I found much of the “main event” action boring, I tuned into to watch those little masked guys fly around in (and out) of the ring. I also took a liking to many of the wrestlers who were in “mid-card” storylines. One of these performers was some guy named Chris Benoit. I didn’t know what it was about him I liked. He didn’t talk much, if at all, and all he really did was wrestle. But I did enjoy his work. I can’t explain why –– I just did. One thing I thought to myself was, “Why didn’t this guy get more exposure? He seems pretty good.” Little did I know that a few years later when I was introduced to this thing called the Internet Wrestling Community I discovered that I wasn’t alone. Sure I knew nothing about the “glass ceiling” or about how Kevin Nash was holding everybody down, but I really didn’t care as long as I got to see Benoit wrestle during some Nitro segment every Monday night.
As the years went by, and my wrestling viewing continued, I always liked Chris, among other talent. (I was a huge Booker T. fan while he was in WCW, and I always laughed whenever Lance Storm said “if I can be serious for a minute…”) I haven’t been up to date on the wrestling scene in years, and the only news I hear about is when someone dies. So when I saw the TSM “Chris Benoit Dead” thread early this morning, I thought, “Is this real?” Turns out it was. Wow. That sucks. How did he die?
Wait, what?
If this is indeed true (breaking news can sometimes be inaccurate –– remember the cannibals in the post-Katrinia Superdome), why did I just waste 400 words on you, Chris? I don’t care how much I enjoyed your work in the past. You killed your wife. You killed your kid. You also, according to the above news article, left two other kids fatherless, although I don’t know how much of a father figure you were to them in the first place. It's a shame you didn't decide to clamp down on the barrel of a shotgun and pull the trigger in your weight room first before paying a final visit to the rest of your family.
3 p.m.
• Exactly 10 years to the day this racist/fascist/xenophobic/sexist/right-wing/left-handed bastard was manning a booth at a local water park on behalf of a nonprofit. As he sat there, a number of voluptuous females walked by him in their skimpy bathing suits that showcased their goods. These stuck-up twats with their tan skin, c-cupped breasts and round backsides wouldn’t even give him the time of day. Eventually, one approached and wasn’t repulsed by this booth-sitter’s looks and personality. She actually thought this idiot was funny. That chick then left because her boyfriend returned from the nearby snack stand and the person I ended up marrying on June 25, 2005, showed up.
Baby, you’re the greatest. Or at least the best I could get with what little I have going.
7:30 am.
• This showed up in my work e-mail this morning. How could this NOT be legit? They even included a link to a story talking about the plane crash this German guy died in!
Is there any doubt why Africa has no money? All these people die, leave their accounts frozen and don't give the Dark Continent a chance to make this cash grow.
7:15 a.m.
• While looking at the story below, which I first read on Drudge, I saw this headline, too.
Now THAT'S some funny shit right there, NYT.
• See, this is what's wrong with California. Requiring pets to be sterile? Unwanted pets cost $300 million per year? How about neutering welfare recipients, felons and illegals -- I'm sure that'll save you guys a nice chunk of change.
11:45 p.m.
• So this gets a little chuckle out of me whenever I see it. All across America the po-lice are CRACKING DOWN on drivers not wearing their seat belts. Oh Noz~! Anyway, these stupid click it or ticket billboards have sprung up in my neck of the woods. If you don’t have one around where you live, here’s how they look.
Now the difference in this billboard from the ones in Pennsylvania is that instead of that “click it’ logo on the lower right we have some hippie state symbol and our logo. What is my commonwealth’s logo titled? “State of Independence.” Yeah, we got a mean independent streak. As long as we wear our seat belts…
…and not drive more than two miles in the left lane.
…and remove all the snow from our vehicle before driving.
…and buy your booze from a state-controlled liquor store.
Other than that, and the million other nitpicky laws on the books, we’re free to do as we please. Now I need to move the better half away from my half of the fridge we are sleeping on top of. Damn you Bush economy.
• Gee, I wonder who will be paying for air time on MTV? I bet it's McCain trying to appeal to the young'ins.
Wow, Barack Osama really is that dumb. I'm sure this network would have slobbed his knob through November for free.
Well I had a Seinfeld moment yesterday. The better half and I decided to take our separate bank accounts and merge them into one. When we went to her bank to close out her account, and withdraw the whopping $1.50 from her savings account (OK, she also had her most recent paycheck in there, too), we approached this bank teller who looked to be in her early 20s. As this relatively thin woman nervously typed in some numbers on her computer, one thing above all else stuck out at me. She had Man Hands. God damn were they Man Hands. How these sausages managed to push down only one key at a time were beyond me. The reason I noticed these Man Hands was because we were at her station for at least 10-15 minutes. The reason? She didn’t know the first thing about closing an account and had the old “Customer Service Representative in headlights” look. I’m not complaining, mind you, because this “headlights” feeling is one of the worst things anyone can experience, outside of unsuccessfully trapping a soccer ball with your inner thigh without wearing a jock strap. It’s funny when I hear some people who have never worked a customer-service job in their life complain when a cashier took longer than four seconds to give out proper change. Look, I know there are dipshits out there ringing registers, but not every cashier is a high school dropout who can’t perform basic match. My theory as to how normally bright people can suddenly clam up in situations like this isn’t because they can’t do the job, it’s that they aren’t used to be put on the spot like this. It’s like having to perform improv in front of an audience, and many people, especially if they’re new to something, just aren’t cut out for that sort of thing.
Believe me, I know this feeling. There’s nothing like thinking you can answer just about anything a customer asks you, and then getting thrown for a loop with the first customer of the day who asks you something. The only way to deal with these types of experiences is to live through them. For me the most aggravating of these situations is when you are giving a customer change and they throw the old “here’s a few extra dollars, now give me a $10 bill instead of $5 and three $1s. Like I said before, the actual math of this equation is simple enough, but when you’re into hour seven of your shift, have four other people waiting in line, and have another customer asking you a question about something else, it’s easy to get flustered. And when you pause for a few seconds to get an idea of what’s going on, the spotlight suddenly shines brighter on you, and your every action and reaction is being judged by a bunch of people who think you’re not worthy of earning your $6/hour wage. For the record, my way of dealing with this is to not let the customer’s “extra $2” get anywhere near the $8 in change I was about to give him. Once that transaction was complete, I would then take the $10 in loose bills, put it in my register, and give out a $10 bill. Simple, effective and foolproof. And the only way I learned this was by trial and error, and then even more error.
Back to the bank. So when this teller looked around for someone to help her out with a procedure she probably never had to do, and was only trained on for a few minutes when she started this job, what did I do? I stepped aside and worked on something else, trying to make her uncomfortable situation a little more bearable. I don’t know if it helped any, but it had to have been better than if I were to stand over her and impatiently tap my fingers on her counter.
1:30 p.m.
• A big "Fuck You" to the prosecutor Dan Satterberg. With the voter fraud that went on up there in your one recent election (Governor or Senate spot: I can't remember which off the top of my heat), you decide that you "can't look the other way" with this? Fag.
9 p.m.
• So does this make you want to buy a white, gooey substance in a jar?
OMG the Big Gay lobby is shoving their immoral agenda down our throats (ew, another set of words I should not have strung together).
Oh, I get it. Mom’s a New York deli guy because her sandwiches taste like they’re from the Big Apple with Heinz’s super mayo stuff. I get the joke. It’s just not that funny (what’s funnier is the queer group telling its people to boycott Heinz products; the O'Reilly reference made me laugh, too). Besides, I’m a Miracle Whip man myself.
For my gay humor, I would rather wake up with the King.
• Oh boy. Time to bail out the irresponsible and reckless who should have never received loans in the first place!
And don’t give me this, “But rich people get bailed out, too.” I know that. Fuck them, too.
• You know what? I think I’d rather have the seven-year-old out on the road than his grandma.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 81: Agent of Oblivion
Last I heard, Agent still ships out cancer sticks at a warehouse and drives big trucks. He was one of the more entertaining mods during his tenure in that position of power, especially with that post count vortex thing. And although he considered me the worst poster of 2004, can anyone really blame him for that? I haven’t seen him around much; I'm guessing he's still off making Aryan babies. Happy drilling.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Porter:
From SFA Jack:
From EricMM:
• Remember a while back when I was torn between which local publication to get my weekly coupons from -- the Shittsburgh Post-Gazette, which is a liberal rag; or the Shittsburgh Tribune-Review, who pissed me off regarding my subscription. Well, a recent editorial by the Post-Gazette has once again given the Trib a few more points in the "keep and re-subscribe" category. For those that don't know, there's this guy in Philadelphia that has a cheese steak shop which has the sign: ""This is America. When ordering, 'Speak English.' " Apparently, the Post-Gazette, with a headline titled "On immigrants, Santorum sends a worrisome sign," sides with the chairman of the Pennsylvania Human Relations Commission, who said, "Even though this may not have been the intent of Geno's, the presence of the sign harkens back to a time when signs stating, 'no colored allowed,' 'Whites only,' 'no Jews,' or 'no Italians or Irish need apply,' often greeted patrons of public places." Whatever, you fucking dipshit. What also made me laugh was the Gazette's comment of "Mr. Vento remains defiant, while conservative commentators and others upset about the presence of illegal immigrants rally to his cause." Yeah, those wacky extremists that think people coming across the U.S. border is a bad thing.
• It's nice to know that the ACLU, the supposed defenders of the freedom of speech, sue school boards when they remove books about the happy life of Commie Cubans, stating that "the school board should add materials with alternate viewpoints rather than remove books that could be offensive." But yet the ACLU wants to impose a speech code forbidding its individual directors from publicly stating their disagreement with an ACLU decision or policy.
• I can't opine on this article, because every time I start reading it I cringe. Sorry.
7:30 p.m.
• So George Carlin died. The room is spinning blahblahblah. Eh, I was never a huge fan of his but for someone who did what he did for so long and was so successful at it you got to give him props. One bit I always liked was his baseball/football comparisons. I also liked his word-play.
In baseball, you make an error .... whoops!
• All you really need to do is get in a vehicle and blast the hell out of opposing Jedi. And not once have I ever said to Vader "OWNED~!"
It's weird because I go through phases over which Battlefront I play for the PS2: The first or second. The second is faster but there's a charm about the original that I can't get away from. Oh, and goddamn does the Republic army suck.
• I guess after looking at God's mugshot we can conclude without a doubt that his son, Jesus, must be black.
• Here's the latest on my out-of-control niece-in-law. Mrs. kkk told me that her boyfriend/likely baby's daddy allegedly videotaped himself having sex with an under-age girl. He also videotaped himself having sex with the niece-in-law while she was passed out drunk. God help me if I should ever view this clip while surfing the Net because I know it's out there. I will say that should this fornication ever appear on my computer screen I’ll swear off viewing on-line porn ever again be sure to post a link here.
6 p.m.
• So I finally saw Spiderman 3 last night and honestly… wtf.
Spoilers ahead and stuff.
Fuck Aunt May for being a goddamn hippie. “Forgive” the person that killed your longtime husband? Bitch please.
Fuck that butler guy for waiting all this time before telling Harry that his dad was a fuckup.
Fuck Mary Jane for being a jealous bitch. And I'd take JJJ's secretary over anyone from these movies.
And I don’t get that Brock Junior guy getting all mopey for getting busted for taking faux pictures. First off, that’s a big no-no. Secondly, making up news to fit a certain template – I’m sure the New York Times would have had him on the phone the moment he got released from the Daily Bugle.
What’s this shit about another guy killing Peter’s uncle? And what’s this shit about “I didn’t mean to shoot your uncle”? Oh boo-hoo. You shot an innocent person. He died. You should have gotten the needle years ago you pissant – and I don’t give a shit if your kid is sick. What did you do for her in the end? Just turn into sand and float off, leaving your kid to fend for herself and hope the State can be a better father figure than you could, you lowlife piece of shit.
You want to know what the good was? J. Jonah Jameson, although not as good as in previous films. Bruce Campbell got a paycheck. And, I kid you not, was waiting for the line Harry says that’s in Black Lushsus’ avatar over at the other place. I was sitting there halfway through the film wondering what the hell is going on and thinking, “So when is Harry going to be saying, ‘so good’?” I also liked Venom Brock – it’d be nice if he was on-screen for more than five minutes.
Oh, here’s another thing that got on my nerves. In the first Spiderman movie when the Green Goblin was being mean on the bridge, everyday New Yorkers came to Spidey’s defense by throwing stuff at the Goblin and saying stuff like “You mess with Spiderman, you mess with New York.” In the second film, those passengers on the subway try to defend Spiderman from Doc Ock. What happens in this film? OMG there’s this big sand guy and black thing holding a chick hostage in a car way up in the air. Let’s all just stand around and do nothing. If the fire fighters can’t at least turn the hose on the sand guy while I’m waiting for my friend-turned-enemy-turned-friend-turned-enemy-turned-friend arrive on his hippie hover board, then I’d be moving to another city that would at least appreciate my efforts – and no, gay parades and keys to the city don’t mean shit when you’re having slabs of construction material hurled at you.
One last thing about the sandman. Great concept with the roaring face and all that – I liked it better the first and second time I saw it during the “Mummy” movies.
But at least Bruce Campbell got a paycheck.
Maybe I’ll better appreciate this movie upon a second viewing or something. My spidey sense is going off on this one, though. Or is that my ears ringing due to the wax removal drops I put in earlier today?
11:30 a.m.
• Well this can't be good. Earlier this morning the better half and I heard this engine noise from outside. After a while when we got our lazy asses up to see what was going on (my guess was the cable company trimming some trees from phone poles or something like that) we saw an ambulance by our shut-in neighbor's house. And the only thing worse than an ambulance at your house is when the paramedics don't seem to be in any hurry to cart you off. Not sure if the guy died or not (there's a chance he could be getting transported to a nursing home/rehab/etc.), but one of his adult kids was there with his wife and talking on the cell phone. My guess is that he was calling the rest of the family to deliver the news. If that's the case, then peace out, Mr. Auld. Saturdays just won't be the same around here without your family coming over and screaming at the top of their lungs during every play of a Notre Dame football broadcast, and I mean that in a sad way.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 82: Special K.
I don’t really have much to say about Special K. I see him around; he seems OK enough, case closed. However, what puts him at number 82 on my list is the phenomenon that was his “Hey everybody, I finally got laid" thread. At first everyone was happy for Mr. K and his newfound poon, but as the posts went on, and we all got to learn that he enjoys eating pussy, people began to turn on him.
And now a word or four from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From EricMM:
From Carnival:
From Lovecraft:
From Black Lushus:
• Once again ESPN is showing its bias toward the heartland of this country. This network pops wood every time the Yankees and Red Sox meet up, and I’ve had it with this preferential treatment. I mean, the Pirates and Royals just wrapped up their inter-league series and I didn’t see a blip of coverage on this clash of the Titans. Ohhhh, Roger Clemens is pitching in Houston again. Fuck that. You can have your “Rocket Returns,” storyline; give me Freddy Sanchez fielding a ball and throwing it to first base. Give me Paul Maholm pitching 4.3 innings while only giving up seven runs. Damn you East-Coast bias.
• Speaking of baseball, here’s the neat thing about the sport. The Chicago White Sox just swept the St. Louis Cardinals. The first two games they won 20-6 and 13-5. The third they won 1-0. You never know what you’ll get with each game. UPDATE: Just heard the Cards accused the Sox of stealing signs for the first two games, lol.
• So I’ve gotten to the last week of April for my MVP 2005 franchise, and I’m really digging playing every game in my organization, from the A-Lynchburg Hillcats to the Shittsburgh Pirates. When I play Madden or NHL’06 I wait until the end of the season to tweak sliders, although with MVP I’ll be doing this every month of the season. The games are realistic for me except for the fact I can’t hit a home run if my life depended on it. For instance, the “slugger” on my Pirates team with one (maybe even two!) dingers is Benito Santiago. However, last night’s win with the AAA-Indianapolis Indians showed me who my newest slugger could be: Pitcher Joe Roa, who last night belted a three-run homer. Oh well, I’ll take any round-tripper I can get. I’m also going to have to tweak the pitching and base stealing sliders a bit, but the lack of home runs are really what’s killing me. Although my games are tilted toward 3-1/5-2 contests, I’ve always been partial to pitching duels rather than home-run derbys anyway.
• One radio commercial that has been annoying me lately are these ads for the Home Depot. The people in these ads talk about how great it’s going to be to get a new BBQ set or some refurbished room. When they list the reasons why this is going to be great, the last, and “most important,” thing they say is, “Best of all, I won’t have to pay a thing for it until 2007.” Yeah, and then when 2007 comes around you still won’t have the money for pay for whatever you purchased and fall even deeper in debt. Just because spending money you don't have works in the public sector doesn't mean you'll be able to get away with it in the real world.
11 a.m.
• Well yesterday was fun. For our upcoming anniversary, I had been saving up to get the better half a television for the bedroom. Now I know what you’re thinking: You’re just getting the television for yourself and disguising it as a gift for “her.” You would be wrong. When we had our former TV in the bedroom, I never once had it on; the better half likes to watch DVDs before nodding off, and there would be many times when I’d come to bed and she’d be snoozing to “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” or an episode of “Charmed.” A while back, Max knocked this television onto the floor in the middle of the night – my guess he was trying to get up to one window and was using the television as a springboard. He then slipped somewhere during this action and while trying to regain his balance on top of the television knocked it over. That was a fun noise to wake up to at 3 a.m. on a worknight. Anyway, because we have spent the past year paying off Mrs. kkk’s credit card bills, a new television set wasn’t in the cards. However, I had been saving up and was hoping to get a nice LCD set for the bedroom for her. I saw a nice deal at Best Buy this past week and planned to get the set last night and hook it up in time before she got back from working her second job.
Or so I thought.
I always liked Best Buy, but one thing I could do without are employees stopping me every few minutes asking if I need anything. No I don’t. Go away. I knew someone who worked at a Best Buy once and he said the employees at his store had to flag down a certain amount of customers per day and fill out some hippie report. Is he right? I don’t know. However, this day everybody must have met their quota because I was in the television department for 40 minutes trying to get someone to ring me up. It was unreal. If I wasn’t being walked right by store personnel as if I didn’t exist, I was being told to “wait and someone will be right with you.” I’m not a high-maintenance customer. Most of the time I want to be left alone. But I find it funny that the one time I was hoping to get pulled over by someone wearing one of those blue shirts I was unable to. I bet if I was going to buy a $5 DVD I’d have six of these CSR’s letting me know that if I wanted to buy a big-ticket item they’d be down the next aisle.
But it all works out in the end. I just left and went to another store where I bought a “normal” television set and some extra stuff with the several hundred dollars I saved from not making that Best Buy purchase. Not only did I not break the bank when getting Mrs. kkk a gift that she can (and will) use, but also if I hear a loud “crash” at 3 a.m. I can go back to bed knowing that buying the less expensive product was the right thing to do.
11:30 a.m.
• So last week I picked my Top 5 in Cena's NBA all time draft event over in the Sports folder. Don’t know what I’m doing? Peep this.
Red Auerbach is off the board. I really haven’t thought of a coach yet, but since chemistry is such a factor Rudy Tomjanovich might be a good pick. However, that’s a few rounds down the road. I have a few ideas about my first few bench players. I will probably go more for a guard because my Power Forward can also play Center if need be. We’ll wait and see. There goes Michael Cooper. There goes Mark Price. There goes Mitch Richmond. There goes T-Mac.
Round 6: Jeff Hornacek
I had about a half-dozen guards from the last 10-15 years that I’m considering. Several I don’t think will be around much longer (Jeff Hornacek, Mookie Blaylock) while there are others I think I can get in a later round (Alvin Robertson, Jeff Malone). There are a few others, but I’ll mention them once they get picked. I went with Hornacek first because I was surprised of his high steal average. He was as better scorerer than Mookie and was a terrific free throw shooter.
Gert picked Wade. I like Wade, but he’s still too young for something like this. Oakley. I liked him, too. I didn’t think he’d be around much longer. Shit. Alvin went before Mookie. I was going to take Mookie first. David Thompsoin. I forgot about him. Wait a minute -- isn’t he the one with all those kids who hate him? There is Ralph Sampson. I was curious to see where he would fall. Daugherty was on my short list for big men. There goes Mookie.
Round 7: Bill Laimbeer
I was hoping for a defensive guard like Mookie and Alvin but they are taken. I guess now I should look for a defensive forward. I have two from my generation: Bill Laimbeer and Horace Grant. Oh man this is tough. I have yet to look at stats but I’m sure Grant is the better of the two. Wow, Bill has a higher average per game in points and rebounds. YES!!!! I get my all-time favorite player and an absolute asshole on the court. He also has a good free throw percentage so the Hack-a-Shaq strategy won’t work here.
And Horace gets picked with the next selection. It’s hard to go wrong with him. I forgot all about Drazen Petrovic, but I remember when the Nets were on a station in my market (WWOR?) and I watched quite a bit of him. Great shooter, although I have another scoring guard in mind. And Bill got taken a few picks later.
Round 8: Dolph Schayes
I was thinking of going another way with this pick, but he was still around so I had to take him. Along with being one of those “all 50 year” people, his size could put him in the small forward spot and relive Alex English when I need some more rebounding, which he has plenty of experience dong.
Gert took Fat Lever. Nice pick. I actually thought of him when making my list of Point Guards, but because I already took Alex English I didn’t want to take tandems in this event. Besides, with Fat and English, Denver didn’t really do much in the 1980s other than score a whole bunch. Bill Sharman was taken. I was wondering if someone was going to get him. Hell, I would have selected him with my next pick if he was still around. I thought about Chambers but I didn’t’ feel he’d fit in chemistry-wise. Smits was another good selection; it’s a shame the guy was hurt a lot of times. SHIT~! I was scrolling down too fast and looked at Gert’s pick before making mine. I was thinking Rudy Tomjanovich as my coach, but I didn’t think he’d get picked for another round or two. Because Gert took him and I saw he was selected before making my choice he’s off the boards for me.
Round 9: Paul Arzin
Uh, oh. There are no more Top 50 of all time players. Now who am I going to pick? Wikipedia says he’s a 6’4” forward. Now that’s a SMALL forward. I just realized that my four bench players are all white. I’m liking this team more and more.
Camby was a good selection, along with Strickland although Rod was at the bottom of my short list for guards. Drat. Mark Jackson was at the top of that same list.
Round 10: Terry Cummings
I remember this guy from the early 1990s with the Spurs, but his stats really shined in the 1980s with the Bucks. This shores up my forward reserves. I was thinking about going for a much-needed backup point guard, but I couldn’t pass Cummings up.
Gert went with Jermaine O'Neal, who I considered at one point but decided against it due to chemistry reasons. Much like Petrovic, I remember Kevin Willis when the Hawks were always on TBS (or was it TNT?). Kirilenko was another Jermaine O’Neal situation for me, although he hasn’t been around as long as I would have liked him to be. I was thinking of taking Bowen just to pair him up with Laimbeer. Michael Finely was taken, which makes my one upcoming selection easier – provided he’s still around. Majerle was one of those I was thinking about but could never pull the trigger.
Round 11: Doc Rivers
I was torn between him and Mike Bibby, but I went with Rivers although I give the edge to Bibby. The reason I went with Rivers is because I’m considering Doug Christie for a later pick. If I go with Bibby, I probably wouldn’t select Christie due to them having played together for a time.
LOL – Gert went with Paul Arzin and mentioned his stint with the Marines. I might as well just pick a coach in the last round considering I think most everyone else took one already. Shareef Abdur-Rahim – like that terrorist will be getting a spot on my bench. I didn’t think of PJ Brown, drat.
Round 12: Doug Christie
Yeah, I know it’s dumb to impose this rule on myself, but what’s the point of doing an “all-time” draft if you’re going to pick players that were teammates for a while?
Reggie Theus – forgot about him. World B. Free is another great pick.
Round 13: John Kundla
Well, with who I selected I don’t need someone to do much coaching. My first pick of Rudy T. was already taken, so after doing some research, I figure this guy will do. He’s a hall of famer, won 5 titles in 6 years and knows what to do with big men (he had George Mikan on his team).
So there we go. I’ll do a recap of my picks in a future entry.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 83: BDC
He likes to kick some liberal ass and doesn’t consider lethal injection to be one of the dirtier forms of offing a convicted murderer. In addition, he’s the unofficial ninja of the Conservative Brigade. How can he not be on my list?
• Rick Santorum, I love you and all (in a non-homo way, of course), but letting us know that there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq isn’t going to erase that 18-point lead Bob Casey, Jr. has on you in the ’06 election. Face it, there’s no way you are going to beat the son of a popular former governor. Not only did you piss off your base by supporting Arlen Spector in the 2004 GOP Primary over conservative Pat Toomey, but the moderate Democrat voters are going to side with Junior because he calls himself pro-life, which I guess passes as being “moderate” enough to be a moderate Democrat, even though I'm sure he'll just tote the party line in any abortion-related vote to reach the Senate. Add to this mess that Ed Rendell will be bringing up the dead in his ’06 re-election bid and you’re looking at a recipe for an election-night loss. You served two terms. Good job. Now go out, get a more lucrative job, and feed your 20 kids while this state continues to go down the shitter by electing Democrats.
• Back when I used to watch wrestling, I remember that Torch Web site had this feature when Wade Keller would let us all know how wrestling had been accepted into the mainstream every time some actor bodyslammed a villain on TV or when some kids at a local mall would tell girls walking by to “suck it.” I have no idea where I’m going with this but Hulk Hogan has just put his mansion near Tampa on the market for $25 million.
• The other day I talked about my groundhog-killing neighbor. Now time to talk about the other residence next to me. When it comes to neighbors I’ve learned that it’s best to just keep to yourself and leave them alone. If they want to be friendly and chat every now and then, that’s fine, but it’s been my experience that most people don’t want to be bothered. Anyway, ever since these people moved in about a year or so ago I haven’t said two words to them. Their dog, on the other hand, won’t shut up any time I come in within 200 feet of her; the dog’s name is Clowly, so I’m guessing it’s a female. So last night I was watering this portion of the back yard that has recently been re-seeded, and Clowly gets let out on her chain. Of course she barks the entire time I’m out there, which doesn’t bother me. However, as I was wrapping the garden hose up and taking it into the garage, these neighbors start yelling at the dog for barking and take her back in. Uh, you did NOTHING for the 10 minutes I was out there when your dog was yapping away, and now that I’m done you decide you can’t take the noise anymore and bring the dog back in? If you would have waited another minute or two, your dog would have quieted down, and you wouldn’t have had to try and pretend like you give a shit about your pet, or what she does outside.
All good things must come to an end, and around this time every year a little piece of me dies inside because the NBA and NHL playoffs conclude. This year had both leagues experience exciting match-ups, even in their respective final rounds. Normally, after the first two rounds of each league's playoffs, I tend to tune in and out for the rest of their seasons. This year, however, was different.
NHL: Like I said in a previous entry, this was one contest where I didn't know who to cheer for when it came to the Stanley Cup Finals. There were a number of Hurricane players that I remember from my childhood, but how can you not cheer for the low seed that scratched and clawed its way to a Finals berth? I think in the end I was pulling for the Hurricanes to take this one. Edmonton did themselves in by having their goalie Dwayne Roloson hurt during Game 1. For all those that want to put the blame on the backup goalie who made that puck-handling blunder late in Game 1, I say leave him alone. God knows when he saw any real ice time before that, and they expected him to take a close Game 1 in stride? If blame is to be laid anywhere, it's that Oilers player that knocked an opponent into Roloson, knocking him out for the rest of the Finals. After that "gimmie" win, the Oilers gave Game 2 away as well. However, you have to hand it to Edmonton -- most teams would have just packed their things and went home. To dig out of a 0-2 deficit and take the series to seven games says a lot about the character of that team. However, like I said before, in the end it was nice to know that Rod Brind’Amour and Glen Wesley finally got to lift the Stanley Cup up, especially Wesley. Back in the '90s I was a Bruins fan and felt bad seeing him and Ray Bourque always come up short. When Bourque finally won with Colorado, all that was left was for Wesley to get the chance to give Lord Stanley a smooch.
NBA: I'm not sure what was more remarkable -- the Heat winning three on their home court and going on to best Dallas in Game 6, or the Mavericks coming two and three-quarters games away from taking a commanding 3-0 series lead only to crash and burn. I wasn't sure which team was going to win Game 6 at first. Dallas had the upper hand midway through the second quarter, but then I got up to scoop some litter boxes. When I returned the Heat were leading by a point. It was then, with a plastic bag filled with soiled clumpable litter that I knew the Heat were going to win their first championship later that night. However, the real highlight of this series came when Mavericks owner Mark Cuban was answering questions from the media after a loss. One reporter asked him if this is the worst loss he ever experienced and Cuban responded by saying something like, "No, one time in my Pee-Wee league we lost a game with two seconds left." Like Cuban or not, that's a great answer. I'm not sure what to make of this guy; some people like him because he's different from just about every pro sports owner out there -- others think he's full of shit and needs to check himself before he wrecks himself. While I'm sure he's a phony in some aspects of his public image, I'd rather have him signing paychecks to a team than Bill Bidwell of the Arizona Cardinals or Donald Sterling of the Clippers.
See both of you leagues next year.
8 a.m.
• So here are some updates to my super-wonder family.
A while back the out-of-control niece-in-law got knocked up. While she’s “seeing” someone this has all the makings of “Who’s the baby’s daddy” episodes you see on Maury Povich’s show. Now the niece is taking a page out of her crack mother’s book and applying for HUD, food stamps, etc. And this is why whenever I hear a Democrat or some “social activist” bitch about how we aren’t spending enough on the poor I want to take a brick to the side of their skull. But why am I talking about this particular welfare leech? Well earlier this week the better half told me she was going to start working Saturdays at a local pizza place she’s worked off-and-on for the past 16 years. Why was she going back one day a week?
Was it because she wanted us to put away even more money away due to the BUSH ECONOMY? No.
Did she want to pay off her student loans quicker? Not quite.
Could she be trying to save up for a big-screen television for her favorite husband? Don’t think so.
What was the reason? Mrs. kkk, along with her mother, were going to spring for a BABY SHOWER for the niece. Her reasoning: “Well you wouldn’t want to spend any money for this.” My reply: “You’re right.”
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Sorry, that was me banging my head on the keyboard. Actually, I don’t care what the better half does with her time. I told her my opinion of the whole situation and that was that. Oh, here was another reason she gave: “I want to give the kid a chance.” So buying a stroller and box of diapers will be that edge which will give this spawn the chance he/she needs? Good God. I then said to Mrs. kkk that the niece-in-law will now be coming back to her every time she wants something. After all, this is the really cool aunt that sprang for my baby shower. Just five years ago when the niece was 15 she went to live with the better half’s mother because the niece’s mother was/is a crack-whore. What did the niece do during this time? Not a goddamn thing except bitch about having to live in such a draconian house with rules like “no staying out after 2 a.m.” After three hours of saying how she couldn’t wait until she turned 18 and was “free,” she proceeded to stay at this same death camp and drunk/inject/screw her life away.
Now instead of completely disconnecting from this cancer, Mrs. kkk is about to open up an avenue where the stupidity of her niece’s future life decisions will also take an emotional toll on the better half. I told the her months ago when we learned of this impregnation that I want nothing to do with this branch of the family tree, and I guess it’s a good thing that she didn’t try to guilt me into spending money we already have on this baby shower.
Oh, but this isn’t the only white-trash loser I have an update on.
Remember my favorite welfare brood? Well it turns out the matriarch is knocked up again. Now you may think, “Well poor people always have kids – they can’t afford to go anywhere so all they can do is stay home and breed.” This isn’t one of those cases. The husband, who’s at least 20 years older than the wife, is sterile after having a half-dozen or so kids from previous relationships. (I think that is God’s way of saying “you reeled in your limit.”) But that’s not stopping the wife from reproducing. She BUYS SPERM and has it SHIPPED TO HER HOUSE. The then TAKES AN EYEDROPPER and KNOCKS HERSELF UP. (Previously I thought she went to a clinic. I didn't know she did it herself at home. Then again, that explains why her second kid's head is shaped like a Hershey's kiss, still cannot talk after several years and just started taking Ritalin.) Well now she’s got Bun Number Three in the oven. Have I mentioned lately how much I loathe these people? You don’t understand, I have a burning hatred for this clan.
Here are some “highlights” from blog entries past:
December 27, 2006: The family newsletter, where we learn that the husband will be soon working FULL-TIME as a janitor.
January 4, 2007: Those damn bill collectors.
April 18, 2007: Damn housing market getting ruined by the BUSH ECONOMY.
July 7, 2007: Because it deserves repeating.
July 31: 2007: We liked the visit to your neighborhood so much we want to live there. Besides, your school is better and we didn't realize that if we are going to send our kids to government school that maybe we should have looked at what district our current house resides at.
September 17, 2007: Rose-petal bubble bath -- the perfect gift for dad on his 57th birthday.
I almost forgot. The crack-whore sister-in-law (mother to the niece-in-law mentioned above) just had all her Rent-A-Center merchandise taken out of her trailer. I think she's getting the boot from said trailer park, too. The funny thing is that she collects disability but yet has just about all her utilities/phone shut off. So even when you give these welfare bums MONEY for BILLS they still can't manage their lives. But yet we still don't spend enough money on our disadvantaged.
5 p.m.
• So I've had the Euro game between the Netherlands and commies and I was about to make some smart-ass remark about the cameramen only showing crowd shots of attractive Dutch women. Then they showed several shots of shirtless Russian males. Uh, guys. I wasn't saying NOT to show the women of Holland.
• So the weather is nice outside, and that means the groundhog that lives under my shed is starting to venture out, much to the dismay of my next-door neighbor, some old guy named Steve. He doesn’t care too much for the groundhog because he has this mini-garden in which I guess the groundhog helps himself to every now and then. When I first moved here in 2004 Steve told me that there used to be another groundhog living in my yard, along with some baby groundhogs. After successfully catching the female groundhog in some cage trap, he killed it and took the babies out to some field. Now I like Steve and all, but he seemed taken aback when I replied, “Why did you have to do that for?” Seriously, what was the point of letting out some baby groundhogs after you killed their mother? I could understand leaving them all out in a field, but you pretty much gave the younglings a death sentence. This may be the hippie inside of me speaking, but why whenever we’re inconvenienced in the slighted by some animal just trying to survive there’s this inclination to kill? If only we could be that flexible with the human race. A while back I talked about this in a TSM thread, and my opinions on this matter haven’t changed; in fact, they probably got worse in regards to my feelings on the human race. Here's what I said:
As for the male groundhog, I saw him out yesterday afternoon munching on some grass, walking right by the trap Steve has laid out for him, which is on my property. I doubt he’ll go into that contraption, seeing what it did to his former shed-mates. However, if I ever do see him in that cage, he's going to be released, not killed.
• So before this years’ NFL draft there was talk around Shittsburgh about getting Lendell White from USC with the Steelers’ first-round pick. However, the problem was, at least to all the so-called “experts” around these here parts, that White came with some personal baggage (or something of that nature; I don't know this player so I'm just repeating what was said around here). So with their first pick, Shittsburgh picked some receiver from Ohio State. And what does this guy do over the Father’s Day weekend? Why, he gets arrested for domestic violence. I’m sure a contemporary, understanding family like the Rooneys will understand the hardships of today’s NFL players. Contract talks should be more interesting; at least this got Big Ben’s motorcycle accident off the front page for now.
• Speaking of Pennsylvania, I heard that the Speaker of the House who helped organize some bitch-ass legislator pay raise a year or so ago held a recent news conference. He defended this raise, which took place in the middle of the night, by saying that cow milkers in one county made $55,000/year. This article went on to say that the average Pennsylvania wage was $38,000 in 2005. However, even if a cow milker did make $55,000 – so fucking what? You bitches in Harrisburg make more than $70,000/year, and this doesn’t include the per diems, free vehicles, mileage, and other perks. Oh, and this line made me laugh, too.
Once again, so fucking what? If that tattoo shop owner provides a service that his customers appreciate, runs his business, pays his taxes, and makes a nice profit from this profession, then more power to him (or her). What has the Pennsylvania legislature done, besides raise my taxes? Faggot-ass bitches.
Here's another gem this asshole said:
If my state representative can’t make do on $70k/year, then I sure as hell don’t want him to oversee fiscal responsibility of the ENTIRE STATE. Then again, maybe this is just on-the-job training for a Congressional or Senate campaign.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 21: Cartman
I don’t have much to say about Cartman. The guy’s a commie, but as I have said before that’s not really all that big a deal. What is a big deal, though, is that he is the kkk Bowl II champ. Don’t believe me? Look at his sig. Speaking of NFL contests, it looks like he did some “Survivor” deal back in ’03. We've been around that long? Wonder if he's got the same girlfriend that he had back in '04 where he wanted to know what kind of video games the two of them could play together? Hey, she liked sports games; sounds like a keeper to me.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Cancer Marney:
Coming soon...
The Top 20~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!
DEVELOPING...
9 p.m.
• The better half had an interesting story to tell today. She had to work late so I made the bitch take the bus home. When she takes the bus home, she hops on Westmoreland Transit, which is the county we live in that’s next to Allegheny County, home of Shittsburgh. Because of this distance, there aren’t as many bus routes for Westmoreland Transit as there are for the Port Authority of Allegheny County (which by the way is a fucking joke and is bankrupt). Mrs. kkk was on the bus today and this bitch was sitting near her on the phone bitching to some bureaucratic peon from Westmoreland Transit. The problem? The bus this chick was originally waiting for broke down and she had to wait two hours for the next one to pick her up. When she asked the bus driver if she had to pay the fare, the bus driver said “yes” in “a rude manner.” Now the better half said she was ready to tell this person to shut up, but I know better. She just sat there and let this cunt do her thing. I’ve taken public transportation during my college years and it’s just a fact of life that these pieces of shit break down every now and then. That’s the price you pay for using public transportation.
That’s also the price paid for depending on the government to provide for you.
6:30 p.m.
• So Pacman Jones is in a bit of trouble…
… and what do I hear on a SportsCenter teaser today -- “How will THIS affect Pacman Jones’ re-entry into the NFL?” How do you fucking think? I’m sure Roger Goodell will be thinking, “Boy, that Pacman is sure being held down by the Man. I think we’ll shave a few months off his sentence.
• If you haven’t heard this story about Pirates pitcher Ian Snell…
Well now you have. Why do I comment on this? Because of this wacky mishap, Snell got scratched from his regular start, which was last night against the Mariners (which the Pirates won). When is he going to pitch again? Against the Angles. If that’s not paying for one’s stupidity I don’t know what is.
• Today I went to the printers to look over a proof and start the process rolling on this month’s workplace publication. When I walked out of the printers building I saw a white dog roaming around (this was in Shittsburgh’s South Side). Now I have no problem with dogs, but when I see one roaming about I leave it alone. Don’t know where it’s been, don’t know what it’s temperament is. Well, the guy I deal with at this print shop must have been told by a co-worker about this dog and went out to see its condition. We both approached it and noticed it had a collar but no tags. Poor thing was panting like a champ, too. The other guy, a dog owner, took it out back to give it some water and shade and I told him if the owner couldn’t be found I’ll try and set it up in a no-kill shelter. I spent the next 20 minutes when I returned to the office to find a shelter for the pooch, and later on that afternoon I was happy to hear the dog’s owner was reunited with his lost companion. Oh happy days.
Nothing against dogs, but in a house with three cats, it wouldn’t have been a good match. A few years ago, the brother-in-law and his wife asked if we could keep their newly bought dog at our place for a few days so they could surprise their kids on Christmas day. We accepted. Boy was that a fun time. Dessa and JJ didn’t take too kindly to their guest; I think we only saw each of them once during this time, twice at the max. The puppy, who was eventually named Duchess, was a husky or some kinds of elk hound. And of course it had a case of diarrhea the whole time it was with us. That’s what family is for, I guess.
To get shit on.
9 p.m.
• So I found out today that my former place of employment is now making its employees pay for part of their health insurance. But kkk, you might ask, don’t many employers do this to help curb the cost of premiums? Sure they do. However, this place doesn’t pay its workers jack shit to begin with. In fact, I remember when the job offer was made to me I was told REPEATED times that the big benefit to working here is that the health insurance was paid for. Guess that’s not the case anymore. So now do my former co-workers have the lowest wages in the industry (this is a fact – our actuary did a report on this a few years ago) but now they have to pay for the one reason many of them stay there. Well they stay for that and their inability to actually go out and get a different job. While I’m on this subject, my ex-coworker got all the i’s dotted and t’s crossed and will be starting his new job shortly. Well after he gets his June commission check because he wrote several hundred thousand dollars worth of business and doesn’t want to get cheated out of his money.
Oh, and while everyone at the office has to pay for part of their health insurance, the person who replaced me at my job is starting out at a much higher wage than my starting figure (once again, more power to her) and getting thousands of dollars of new equipment that isn’t necessary because the current office equipment is more than satisfactory (it’s only three years old; I had to go through hoops in late 2004 to get a new computer to replace the 1998 model I was working on at the time). Oh, and the idiot boss has also hired a third-party contractor to work on the web site, which is what I used to do. Of course, the web site hasn’t been updated in almost FIVE MONTHS and this person has been on the job for almost two months. Then there’s going to be the full-time assistant my successor is supposed to get as well. And my ex-coworkers, the same ex-coworkers who have been picking up additional responsibilities since my resignation, now have to chip to control workplace expenses. I swear to Christ this is soooooo entertaining to observe when you aren’t directly affected by this stupidity. Then again, there comes a time when you have to realize the shithole you are spending one-third of your day isn’t worth it anymore and that the time to look for another way to pay the mortgage is now. Sadly, there are some people I used to work with that will never get this. Fortunately, my one co-worker who worked next to me isn’t one of those sad sacks.
• You know, I actually wouldn’t mind this idea – if you got a discount/banked space for not going over your allotment. Then again, what’s the point of offering incentives? Then again … again … I know I don’t download that much porn so I don’t have to worry about this extra billing. I hope.
9:30 p.m.
• Reason #5479834 why karma is going to kick me. Hard.
Last night the better half got a call from her co-worker. Turns out her boyfriend (who was married but on the outs with his wife -- whatever) killed himself and she was the first to find the body. My first response? “Does this mean we’re not going out with them to Kennywood later this month?” Sue me for trying to incorporate some much-needed humor into this otherwise gloomy situation.
However, in some good news, several years ago I talked about the happy times the kkk household had when I found out just how much credit card debt Mrs. kkk accumulated over the years. Well, a while back this debt was vanquished and Phase II of this master plan went into effect. After the credit cards were paid off I wanted to put a sizable amount of money in the checking and savings accounts. I go over the finances at the end of each month, and I was waiting for the day when, after all the bills were paid for the month, we got to a certain balance in both accounts. June 1 had us at $68 above this targeted minimum. What did Mrs. kkk do to celebrate? Go out and buy two shirts at Kohl’s (at least it was a BOGO) along with buying a hose container for the newly purchased “kink-less” hose she purchased a week or so ago. Sigh.
Now it's onto Phase III -- pay off the car (only 5 more installments until it breaks down) and my school loan. This should be completed by October/November -- just in time for Black Friday.
11:45 p.m.
• Every month or so I'll browse my OnDemand free movies just to see what's going on. For some reason the "Movieplex" selections don't always appear in the general "free movies" area, and oftentimes I'll forget it's even there. Today I remembered to check it, and lo' and behold what's on the plate for this month? The first five James Bond films. Tis' going to be a good month, tater.
• Uh, guys...
...you might want to think twice about striking. The space program doesn't have that same "oooh, ahhh" effect on the public as it did 40 years ago. Then again, this is the government we're talking about. Five-hundred percent raises for all.
3:45 p.m.
• Oh Karl Rove, why couldn't you have sped this up a bit? We might still be in charge of Congress otherwise.
I don’t get the big whoop terrorists have with airplanes. Why not strike an electrical grid or mess with out food supply? Believe me, you’d frighten many more people if they can’t use their air conditioner or go out for a Big Mac.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 94: FrigidSoul
This one may seem like an unusual selection, because as some of you may know last year a faction of posters here started up another message board to shoot the shit, and Frigid was one of the people that helped out in this board's construction. However, Frigid didn’t like the RACISM (or whatever the reason was) that was going on at the place, and he took his ball and went home, basically crashing the place and pissing a few people off. However, his dismantling of the “other place” doesn’t take away from the glorious times we shared here. As leader as one of the groups in TSM infamous (read: retarded) “Gang Wars,” we teamed up and good times were had by all, especially when goofing on some kid's mom and her unsuccessful bout with cancer. You can’t brush aside moments like this just because someone went and deleted a message board.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Kingofthe909:
From Porter:
From SFA Jack:
• Well another stupid bird flew into my house’s back porch window/screen and was lying dead in front of the back door yesterday afternoon, the second to do so since moving here in 2004. Now if this screen was clear white, I could understand why birds would mistake the screen for open space. However, this screen thingy is probably older than me and has spots and other kinds of gray stains on it. It’s amazing how an animal can beat the odds and survive all the dangers of the wild as a fledgling only to go SPLAT when it becomes a healthy adult. Then again, some animals aren’t that bright. One image I’ll never forget is of a squirrel getting run over last summer. I was in a 25 mph zone with a SUV in front of me going the speed limit as well. Suddenly, this stupid squirrel runs out right in front of the vehicle, got hit by the front left tire, did several flips in the air and hit the pavement. It’s not like the vehicle was speeding or aiming for the thing, and if the squirrel would have waited just two seconds longer he would have had safe passage. Part of me was wondering if the thing just couldn’t take living in this Bush economy and decided to end it all.
In my history of driving, I have only killed one animal, and I don’t even count it against me because this bird deserved to get it. I was in Ohio and driving in a residential area. In front of me were a flock of birds doing what birds usually do in the middle of the road at 7 a.m. I was about a block away and all but one of them scattered. The speed limit was 25 mph and I slowed it down to 20 because there’s enough road kill in the world to begin with. But the stupid bird just stood there looking at me, like it was daring me to continue. Well I did, the bird hit my front end and my Corsica won the battle. I guess in the end this was a good thing because that bird didn’t deserve to reproduce. Now if we could only do this with the human race.
• So now New Yorkers don’t want other parts of the country to fund their anti-terrorism budgets if it means them having to tighten their fiscal belt. I’m not going to make the obvious “Now all these liberals believe there are terrorism threats,” joke because RIGHT-WING RADIO has already beaten me to this punch. Instead, I’m just going to say that not only will New York CIty eventually get the same amount of money it got last year, but also that there will get at least a 10 percent increase in this funding. If Bush threatens a veto on any bill giving NYC more money, then they will end up getting at least a 25 percent increase over last year's amount.
• You health Nazis can kiss my ass. If you force restaurants to reduce portions, it’s not like they’re going to lower the price of the meals. And why is it all these people that feast on water chestnuts and celery stalks look like they are one strong breeze away from toppling over?
• Yeah, you heard me, Smitty. I’m tired of your fucking power trip. Make fun of me because I have a liking for soccer. Goof on the fact that I contribute nothing in terms of intellectual discourse to this place. However, all your “queer” jokes got thrown out the window after I read this little gem.
Napoleon Dynamite? I bought this movie for $5 last year because I heard good things about this film. And then I actually watched this piece of shit. What was the fucking point of this movie? The whole time I’m waiting for some payoff that will make the 90 minutes I spent viewing this unfunny crap worthwhile, and what do I get? Some white boy who makes me look like finalist to the show “Breakdancing with the Stars.” One reason I do not trade in movies, CDs or video games that I purchase is because I always say to myself there will that time in the future when I’ll feel like watching/listening/playing this forgettable purchase. Napoleon Dynamite is really making me take a long, hard look at this policy. And this is coming from someone who has purchased (and still has!) Shaq Fu: The Return.
• OK, I feel for people who fall onto hard times, but there’s a difference between “hard times” and “being an idiot.” I was reading Sunday’s local newspaper, and there was this article about how more people are getting their homes foreclosed (damn you George W. Bush and your tax cuts for the rich). The reasons? Well, there are layoffs. I’ll buy that one. Cost of utilities? OK, now you’re starting to lose me. If you can’t afford a rise in your electric bill or afford gas that’s a dollar or two more per gallon than it was a few years ago, then you certainly can’t afford, and shouldn't have purchased, a $100,000+ house. However, what made me outright yell at this article was the following:
Well no fucking shit. Anyone that gets an adjustable rate mortgage has no reason to bitch when interest rates go up and you have to pay more for your mortgage payments. That’s the whole point of an adjustable-rate mortgage; to fuck you over when interest rates increase. If I ever was put in the situation of having an adjustable rate, I’d sure as fuck be aware of when my rate would increase. It’s bad enough property and school taxes constantly get increased; you don’t need the biggest purchase of your life to drastically fluctuate in cost due to a tweak of a percentage point or two.
It got even better. Just below this article was one by columnist Jeff Brown of the Philadelphia Inquirer talking about the risks of adjustable rate mortgages. In his second paragraph, he says that more people than ever are applying for adjustable-rate mortgages. I guess this means that in another year or two, we’ll hear about how the wretched economy is kicking people out of their homes when in fact these people did it to themselves. I also bet these people bought SUVs, only to bitch when the cost of gasoline rises.
• Because I wake up at the BUTT crack of dawn for work, I normally don’t get to watch sporting events that take place past 10 p.m. However, several times this NBA season I got to watch the Finals on replay early in the morning. But this I don’t get: ESPN cuts the running time of the previous night’s Finals game because of time constraints. Understandable. But what don’t they cut? The 20 minutes spent taking time-outs at the end of a close game. Can’t we skip the sideline huddles and watch more on-the-court action; even it wasn’t taking place during the last minute of a game?
