• I didn't watch the MLB All-Star game, but I did hear that there was a tribute to Roberto Clemente, who is deemed by many here, and outside of Shittsburgh, to be the greatest Pirate ever to wear the black and gold. I tend to agree with this, even though I wasn't born during his playing days. While it's true that this city likes to live in the past, this is one instance where previous events shouldn't be forgotten. This got me thinking of which athletes are the "faces" of Shittsburgh's other two major-league teams: The Steelers and Penguins. The latter is easy; hands down it's Mario Lemieux. The Steelers was a bit tougher. You had a number of great players from the 1970s -- Joe Greene, Terry Bradshaw, Jack Lambert -- and even some superstars of the recent past and present -- Jerome Bettis, Ben Roethlisberger. However, the most beloved face of this team wasn't someone on the field, it was in the front office. I was only a kid when Art Rooney, the founding father of this team, passed away, but he was by far the "Chief" of the Steelers. I remember this team having some bad seasons during my youth, but it's impossible to imagine the Steelers not being competitive for 40 years (sure there was a winning season or two sprinkled in throughout, but for the most part Rooney was known as one of the league's "loveable losers"), which they were before their Super Bowl run of the '70s. To put this in perspective, the Pirates haven't had a winning season since '93. To match the Steelers dry spell, they'd have to keep losing until the 2030s, which I'm sure is an achievable goal. What's also scary about this realization is that I'll be in my 50s when the Pirates finally go on their four-titles-in-six years run. God only knows what the Yankees' payroll will be at this time.
• Since I talked about prisoners suing over minimum wage yesterday, I found this funny. Well actually I found it pathetic, but then I couldn't be all clever and shit by repeating the same line from yesterday.
Not being allowed to read a National Geographic magazine while serving a life sentence for murder is a "civil right"? More proof that my theory of "kill them if you have a chance before the police come to arrest the person breaking into your house and threatening harm to you or your family," should be applied whenever possible.
• I'm hearing that Danica Patrick it considering jumping to NASCAR. Don't care. More power to her, I guess. However, there is one thing that concerns me about this move. NASCAR already has the one token driver that the media like to champion; what's going to happen to my dawg Bill Lester, who's the FIRST BLACK DRIVER TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN 20 YEARS SINCE WILLY T. RIBBS if Danica takes the spotlight? Oh woe is the reporter who has to decide what to mention first in his or her NASCAR-related article -- the FIRST BLACK DRIVER TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN 20 YEARS SINCE WILLY T. RIBBS or the FIRST WOMAN DRIVER TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN ? YEARS SINCE *insert name here if one exists.*
10:15 p.m.
• Only one thing to talk about but boy it’s a doozy. This evening the better half was in the bedroom watching Golden Girls or some shit when the phone rang. The caller ID identified the call as from the university where she works. Figuring it would be her boss in the office late or the newly hired work-study for what reason or another, I picked up the phone. I should had known better when the girl said, “May I speak with Mrs. kkk?” but I figured it could be the work-study person acting all professional and shit. Guess who it was? Some college student pseudo telemarketer asking her to donate to this thing called the “Book Fund.” What is the Book Fund you ask? This fundraising drive to help students pay for the “ever-rising costs of education.” You got to be shitting me.
I never understood this logic. You take out tens of thousands of dollars in tuition and boarding fees (if you’re a dorm student), and you can’t afford to pay for your books. Are you shitting me? But kkk, it’s 2007. Books are Xpensive. Get the fuck out of here, you pathetic sniveling little bitches. Want to know what my Book Fund was? My paycheck. Get a job and quit your whining. Oh if my alma mater would call me with this kind of shit. Then again, I don’t bother to respond to any of their fundraising material I get in the mail, so I probably wouldn’t bother to pick up the phone if the ID gives the name of my school
• OK, I lied. Mrs. kkk told me about this story today and I had to read it for myself.
I think I’ve established over the years that I’m a pets > people person, but I’m actually going to side with the shelter on this one. Hey, Ellen, you didn’t follow the rules of the contract. I don’t give a shit about your boo-hooing. If anything, you should have taken the dog back to the shelter, explain the situation and do some transfer thingy to the other family. Rules are rules, even if they are stupid. If you are pitching a fit over this, imagine what will happen when Big Government takes over your health care and doesn’t allow you to see the physician of your choosing. Say, maybe we can accuse the shelter of a HATE CRIME. That’ll fix it. Oh, I’m not worried about the dog. This pooch is going to get snagged up so fast it’ll probably make your head spin. But the dog is away from its FAMILY. It’s a dog. Give it a bowl of food and an asshole to sniff and the animal will go, “Who were those people I sniffed the other day?”
Just when I thought I was turning into a commie, I get thrust back into reality. Yesterday I had to drive to a pharmacy about 15-20 minutes away from my house to pick up a prescription for my one cat who’s suffering from a urinary tract infection. As I was turning onto the road leading up to this store, I noticed this long, silver-haired guy standing on a corner with a sign reading something like, “2000 soldiers dead is 2000 too much,” or something of that nature. After my pleasant visit to the pharmacy (the vet screwed up the dosage amount or something; I was then told that it would take at least an hour to fill and that they would deliver the drugs to my house) I got the chance to drive past this idiot. Remembering the good ol’ days back when I lived at Sappy Valley, which had a student protest about something-or-other several times a week, I got to re-live the vigor of my youth. As I was waiting patiently by the yield sign where he was standing, I pointed at him, laughed and yelled, “Get a job, hippie!” The rest of the drive home was gravy.
This made me think back to all the good times I had making fun of protesters and their stupid causes. Now I doubt nothing will be better than the time I took a “Free Mumia” flyer from some pseudo-hippie during one of those Penn State marches, shoved it down my pants, wiped my crack with it, and gave it back to dumbfounded protestor-ette. However, there was another time that ranks right up there. I mentioned this story a few times at the TSM boards, but it bears repeating so here I go again.
[Flashback mode on]
I was manning some stupid booth for a school club I was part of during my college days when suddenly, about 20 or so feet across from me, these two bald-headed women from the SOCIALIST EQUALITY PARTY started setting up their stand to pass out propaganda to the mindless teens and twenty-somethings that roamed the halls. Now this duo had all the usual posters up for leftist causes like “Free Mumia,” “Abortion is a choice,” and “Lift the embargo on Cuba.” However, they had one that pissed me off, and that was “Jail the cops who killed Johnny Gammage.” Now back around 1995, there was the Steeler – Ray Seals – who had a cousin that got pulled over in the middle of the night by a group of Shittsburgh PO-lice. Instead of doing what the officers told him to do, Gammage started some shit with them. One thing led to another and the PO-lice eventually had Gammage pinned to the road, where he died of asphyxiation. The day before my booth-sitting one of the officers, John Vojtas, got acquitted. (Or was it a mistrial? I forget.) This of course pissed off just about every lefty out there. Now I guess it was a shame the guy died and all, but it could have been prevented if he didn’t start shit with the cops. So to that I say fuck him. Anyway, I had been hearing this hippie psychobabble for a day or so now, and when you’re in a liberal arts shithole like I was in, days can seem like years. (Here's some background info on the case: Link 1. Link 2.
It was at this time when a chick I knew came up and we started talking. I went to get several pieces of paper, some tape and a Sharpie. As she saw me write in large letters “Vojtas Acquitted: One Down, Three To Go,” she started laughing and said, “You’re on you own.” I taped the sign up to my booth, sat back and waited. About 10 minutes went by when I got my first threat by some black chick. Another five or so minutes went by before I got my second threat. These exchanges were nothing note-worthy; just garbage like “What’s this?” and “You think the cops are innocent?” Each time I politely responded and said that Gammage could have prevented his death by obeying the officers. Another person came up to me shortly thereafter and threatened to rip my sign down, to which I smiled and said, “Well then I’ll just make another.” That didn’t go over too well. After a few more threats, the Assistant to the Dean of Students visited me and told me to take my sign down. When I asked why she replied, “Because I’ve been getting complaints all morning about it.” When I pointed out that the feminazis across from me had similar inflammatory rhetoric posted, this pencil pusher said, “They reserved that booth to talk about those subjects, you didn’t reserve this booth to do that.” When I pointed out that the Gammage decision took place yesterday and I doubted that the SOCIALIST EQUALITY PATY reserved that booth as late as yesterday afternoon to talk about the Gammage mistrial, this lady looked at me, sighed and said, “If I tell them to take their sign down will you take yours down, too?” It was at that point I cashed in my chips. Gee, I had always thought that Academia encouraged free thought and expression. For the record I did get one voice of support, but that was from a kid who probably grew up to be a bigger curmudgeon than me. Hey, I’ll take what I can get.
[/Flashback mode off]
Now back to yesterday's events. The pharmacy people screwed up my address, so instead of getting those meds I mentioned above at 6:30 p.m., which was when I was told they would be delivered, they didn’t show up until 8 p.m., and that was after I had to give the courier directions over the phone three separate times, which is unfortunate because my house is just a shot across Route 30. Then again, if you’re looking for “Fourth” Drive instead of “Forrest” Drive, you might be in your vehicle for a while. Also, the delivery guy had a Ben Roethlisberger t-shirt on; I guess he was hoping the power of the shirt would help Big Ben’s surgical efforts.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 70: Cena’s Writer
A returning participant from my NFL pick ‘em contest, he managed to get into the first round of the playoffs with the Arizona Cardinals and was just minutes away from advancing to the second round. Unfortunately for him, Bravesfan, his Wild-Card opponent, got his playoff picks in right as I was typing “Deadline has come and gone.” Cena’s Writer was a good sport about it all, and he didn’t mind when I moved him from the Cards to the Saints during the off-season. For these reasons alone he gets a spot on this list.
And now a word or four from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Porter:
From Black Lushus:
From SFA Jack:
From Cancer Marney:
• Black Lushus asked me a question in yesterday’s entry regarding my feelings about concealed firearms legislation. Before giving my opinion, I feel I need to explain a bit on my feelings toward gun control in general. I personally don’t own a firearm, although I may some day down the road for protection purposes. That being said, I feel a law-abiding citizen has the right in this country to own firearms. I always get a kick out of hearing anti-gun weenies whine about how our Founding Fathers would have never written the Second Amendment had they known how dangerous today’s firearms are. I’m sure Ben Franklin and George Washington wouldn’t expect our country to be doing quite a few things today that would have seemed inconceivable from back in the day, so don’t play the they-wrote-the-Constitution-230-years-ago card in this instance.
I consider myself to be “pro-gun,” however, there are some people I’ve met that are so anti-gun control that they downright scare me. About 15 years ago I heard a stand-up comedian say the following line, which pretty much sums up my feelings on gun registration: “If you’re the type of person who can’t wait seven days to purchase a gun, you’re the type of person that needs to wait seven days in order to purchase a gun.” I’ve always said that if the United Nations One World Government black choppers ever come to my neck of the woods, I’ll be glad knowing my local militia will be there to fend them off (although seeing the work the UN does in “peace-keeping” I’m sure my garden hose on at full tilt will be a sufficient deterrent to get them off my property).
When it comes to concealed-carry firearms, I’m generally for them. Sure there will be media stories about soccer moms who say they are cowering in fear because they will be afraid of some guy in a pickup truck with a Dixie Flag decal opening fire because she’s not driving fast enough. However, the real worry doesn’t stem from everyday people owning and carrying guns; it’s the people who illegally obtain and use firearms. And if you fear a well-armed citizenry, read that article I linked to yesterday and ask yourself that if some guy with a knife was chasing you in a parking lot would you want the citizens in your area to have the ability to stop your attacker with a single bullet or would you want to run around a parked car until the police arrive?
I can understand why some people in places such as dense urban areas don’t want guns of any kind in their neighborhood, but gun-control legislation won’t stop criminals from using them, and when you take away a citizen’s ability to protect themselves you’re actually helping the criminals do their thing. As long as liberal politicians keep trying to find ways to weasel their anti-gun authoritarian measures into law, and this ends up bringing out the gun owners bloc to vote against them on Election Day, then all I can say to these commies is keep up the good work.
On a somewhat related note, one of my favorite songs by Sir-Mix-A-Lot came from his Mack Daddy album, and it didn’t involve phat derrieres or Testarossas. It was on last track of the album and was titled “No Holds Barred.” Below is the third verse to this pro-gun ownership track:
I’m sure Mr. Mix-A-Lot isn’t a Republican (he’s had some anti-GOP lyrics in other songs), but I always thought he’d make an … interesting … spokesperson for the National Rifle Association.
• So I heard there was some grumblings from Americans in Lebanon about the way they were recently rescued from the turmoil in that region (damn Jews are always messing things up). Today, when the morning RIGHT-WING RADIO guy I listen to returned from a weeklong vacation, he played some sound bites about this bitch named Ashley whining about America’s rescue efforts. I shook my head. First off, this chick sounded like a Valley Girl filled with university indoctrination of “America Sux,” gobbledy goo and complained about how the boat they were rescued on was a like refugee ship. She then whined about all the flies that were on board. Uh, as opposed to pristine landscape that is the MIDDLE EAST. It’s a shame someone didn’t throw this one overboard. A number of people in Medium Large Media compared the Lebanon rescue efforts to the Hurricane Katrina aftermath, and they are right but for the wrong reason. Both examples are similar in that it involves groups of people who knew they were living in a bad place to be and didn’t get out when they had the chance.
Oh, and speaking about the morning RIGHT-WING RADIO guy, I was right in my prediction from yesterday’s entry – the first thing he talked about was that guy stopping a knife-wielding psycho from stabbing a co-worker.
8:30 p.m.
• This is why government is a joke. Illegal aliens crossing our borders. We do nothing. Illegal aliens flying planes into our buildings. We renew their visas after they do the deed. But should you decide to take a vacation to the Caribbean? OMG WE NEED TO SEE YOUR PASSPORT OR YOU AIN'T GETTIN' BACK IN!!!!!!
Why are we doing this?
Too bad the first time a Muslim or Mexican bitches about this "discrimination," Uncle Sam will fold like a house of cards and made the "Abdul Exemption," or some shit.
2:15 p.m.
• Hooray for Big Airline on this one. I wish kicking families out of planes/buses/restaurants/etc. for their screaming brats was practiced more often.
I love that last line: "We're never flying AirTran again!" Good. It's not the airline's job to control your kid. It's your job. You can't do it -- get the hell out. The only thing I don't approve of is AirTran offering them free tickets.
1 p.m.
• Well yesterday I had to take Max to the vet for his annual shots and for the vet to tell us he’s too fat. It’s amazing how our three kids seem to magically know when either me or the better half pick up their carrier. It must be some sort of sixth sense or something.
9 p.m.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 41: Canadian Chris
His name is Chris, and he is from Canada. He’s been the Broncos in my NFL pick ‘em contest since it started four years ago, just missing the playoffs for the first time this year. I think he likes poker, too. And he does some Death Pool thing. Now I know I’m too late in getting in on this year’s action, but for the heck of it I’ll list the 20 celebs/public figures who I want to see kick the bucket sometime this year.
Ted Kennedy
Pat Leahy
Barbara Boxer
Nancy Pelosi
Ed Rendell
Christopher Dodd
Dick Durbin
Carl Levin
Charles Schumer
John Dingell
John Conyers
Barney Frank
Sheila Jackson Lee
William Jefferson
Jim McDermott
John Murtha
Eleanor Holmes Norton
Charles Rangel
Robert Wexler
Oh, yeah…
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From EricMM:
8 p.m.
• Well, I got my anniversary present five months early. And I was right about it being a piece of furniture. It’s a fucking recliner! And you know what? It’s comfortable. Some stuff in the dining/living room got re-arranged to make space, but whatever. It’s not like I’m going to move this shit around; I’ll be sleeping in my chair-bed with a bag of potato chips at my side with football playing on the television.
• While I’m on the side of many right-wing issues, one that I’m “eh” on involves capital punishment. The reason I sometimes get uneasy when someone gets a death sentence is because what if that person didn’t do the crime and is put down? Now if you’re on videotaped shooting an unarmed Quickie Mart clerk, then I want you to die. No appeals, no hearing about how you were abused as a kid, none of that shit. Die. However, if there’s the slightest shred of doubt, I would rather have someone spend the rest of his or her life in a cell 24/7. Of course, the problem with this is that this “life in jail” many times comes with television, Internet and other goodies, like anal sex. This is why I can’t fault victims and their families for wanting to see their assailant put to do death. If this would happen to me, I know I’d want the fucker dead. Hell, if given the chance, I’d probably try to off the bastard before deciding to call the cops. Why am I babbling about this? Here’s why.
This guy is a better person than me. I know the first thing I'd want to do as a free man is kill the bitch who put me in jail to begin with.
7 a.m.
• The Pirates got Adam LaRoche? Since when did this happen?
Man, Adam must have pissed off somebody big in Atlanta.
10:30 p.m.
• Time for another pic of the kids.
This was taken not too long after we first took Max in as a stray. He had a hell of a time trying to get the other two to like him. Here he is trying to charm Dessa by thinking if they lay on the same bed together it will expediate the bonding process; it's been 2+ years and he's still working on it. Well, actually, I think he's given up, and who can blame him? Bitches be trippin'.
• There’s one thing I hate more than mowing my lawn, and that’s Jews. Seriously, they own the banks, they own the media and they own the entertainment industry. And even though they want you to think they suck at sports, there’s Sandy Koufax and Shawn Green. Wait a second, I’m getting off-track. There’s two things I hate more than mowing my lawn. What’s the second thing?
Mowing my lawn for the first time in the spring.
Oh sweet Jesus do I fucking hate this shit. The grass gets a head start growing after the snow melts and the rain pours, keeping my lawnmower indoors while the land sprouts. And then when it’s warm enough for me to feel motivated and prime up the ol’ mower it takes me three-and-a-half hours and five 40 gallon lawn bags before I finish. But it’s done – for now. Where’s an undocumented Mexican when you really need one?
• I posted my NHL playoff picks a while back, and even though I think I’m doing OK over in the Eastern Conference, I know I’ve got Nashville going far in the West. Oops. Well, I might as well do the NBA now and get it over with.
EASTERN CONFERENCE -- FIRST ROUND
Magic (8) v. Pistons (1): I have no idea who is on the Magic. There’s some Howard kid that’s supposed to be good. Hey, is Bo Outlaw still playing? He is! And it looks like he still wears those funky glasses. Pistons in 5.
Wizards (7) v. Cavs (2): The Wizards should be the eighth seed by default. What a lucky break the Cavs got with the Bulls choking in their final game of the regular season, thus dropping from the second to the fifth seed and giving Cleveland this matchup. Cavs in 5.
Nets (6) v. Raptors (3): I have no clue who is on the Raptors. They got the top draft pick last year, if memory serves, so I guess that went well. Nets in 6.
Bulls (5) v. Heat (4): With all the talk about the Bulls losing the second seed, they still played Miami tough in last year’s opening round. Although the Heat have to be a good team; after all, Pat Riley has said that he will coach them next year. If the Heat were going to suck, Riles would be out like shout. Bulls in 6.
EASTERN CONFERENCE -- SECOND ROUND
Bulls (5) v. Pistons (4): I remember those Bulls/Pistons matchups from the late 1980s/early 1990s. Fuck MJ. Fuck Scottie Pippen. Pistons in 6.
Nets (6) v. Cavs (2): I like Lebron. Cavs in 6.
EASTERN CONFERENCE -- THIRD ROUND
Cavs (2) v. Pistons (1): It’ll be like last year, only one round further. Pistons in 6.
WESTERN CONFERENCE -- FIRST ROUND
Warriors (8) v. Mavericks (1): No clue who is on the Warriors. I’ve heard they’ve beaten the Mavs as of late. Hooray for them. Mavericks in 5.
Lakers (7) v. Suns (2): Hope you like scoring all those points, Kobe, because that’s all you have to look forward to. Suns in 5.
Nuggets (6) v. Spurs (3): How has the Iverson experiment gone? I haven’t been paying attention. Spurs in 5.
Rockets (5) v. Jazz (4): I’m surprised the Jazz did as good as they did. However, I heard that some European guy is hurt, and I’m not sure if it’s the really good white guy Utah has. I’m not taking any chances. Rockets in 6.
WESTERN CONFERENCE -- SECOND ROUND
Rockets (5) v. Mavericks (1): I like Yao. I like T-Mac. I don’t like Houston’s chances of moving on. Mavericks in 6.
Spurs (3) v. Suns (2): I remember watching some of last years’ Spurs/Mavericks second-round playoff matchup. What a great contest that was. It’s a shame one of these teams has to lose. Spurs in 7.
WESTERN CONFERENCE -- THIRD ROUND
Spurs (3) v. Mavericks (1): I give the nod to Dallas because San Antonio will be worn out due to all that running in their last round. Mavericks in 6.
NBA FINALS
Pistons (1) v. Mavericks (1): Dallas will finish what they started last year, and I get to laugh when David Stern hands the trophy over to Mark Cuban just as he gets on his private jet to make more pro-terrorist films. Mavericks in 6.
7:30 p.m.
• So yesterday I took the first step in becoming a lazy slug at my new job. I installed my AIM account. It’s only a matter of time before I start downloading porn. Actually, that’s one thing I haven’t done at work.
• Great, now who am I going to vote for when Pennsylvania’s primary comes around to these here parts?
Seriously, nobody is doing it for me. When W. ran in ’00 I had no problem throwing my support behind him. Dole was the only GOP candidate back in ’96, so it’s not like there was any drama back then. If I was 18 in ’92 I would have went Perot (had I been in my mid-20s, I probably would have stayed with H.), so there would be no pondering my choices there, either. Actually, this reminds me of a funny story. In ’92 my high school had this mock election and we had the poli-sci class debate in front of the students on what candidate to vote for. The people supporting H. ended their spiel with the most unenthusiastic, “and he won the Gulf War” line I ever heard (granted I haven’t heard that line used much, if any, since then), which was received by laughter. In the end, though, Perot got the majority of votes, which surprised the principal/teacher who announced the winner at the end of the day. Anyway, my one friend at the time was happy that Clinton won; I was indifferent. Then a week or two later he started bitching because Clinton reneged on that middle class tax cut. I’m not sure what my friend was so pissed about – he worked at a fast-food place part-time. It’s not like he was getting more take home pay. Then again, now that I look back at it all, I’m sure he’s a Democrat. In fact, I actually got on of those quickie subscriptions to Classmates a few years ago just so I could find out what some of my classmates put as their political preference. It was interesting, to say the least.
9 p.m.
• So today was primary day for the Keystone State. For a registered Republican there wasn't much to do other than nominate a bunch of people running unopposed in local elections. I was thinking of casting a write-in vote for president, or even throwing Ron Paul a bone for kicks, but then I saw that Mike Hickabee is still in the race. McCain for me and Mrs. kkk.
Sadly there weren't any stories to report. No fights with Democrats at the polling place. No nothing. Oh well.
• I think I'm going to side with the docs on this one.
Doctors are busy run late enough as it is -- I don't want to imagine them typing away at some medical issue to a patient. Besides, I'm sure whatever a doctor puts into writing would be red meat for a trial lawyer should something go wrong with said patient.
• Memoirs? How old is she again?
You know, I hate to admit it, but I actually watched part of an episode of "Hannah Montana" while in Buffalo. It wasn't as bad as I thought. The one niece-in-law is a fan of the show, so for the last few years all we have bought for her for holidays and birthdays has been this Montana shit. I can't wait until this phase is over and all that money is wasted.
Link.
Arrested? Uncle Sam ought to be making you in charge of Social Security. I guess the government cracks down on those in direct competition with its own Ponzi scheme.
• Now it is time for the moment of truth. Over the past month I’ve been revealing my answers to that Political Compass thing. Now where exactly do I belong on this grid? Am I among the ranks of Hitler and Stalin, or, even worse, George W. Bush? Let’s see:
Part I.
Part II.
Part III.
Part IV.
Part V.
Part VI.
Part VII.
My score:
Economic Left/Right: 1.63
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: 0.82
And just who is the world figure I am closest to?
Former President (or whatever the hell they’re called over there) Gerard Schroeder.
The fuck? How the hell am I even close to thinking like this asshole? Oh well, if the Political Compass says I think like this guy then I guess they’re right. Hooray socialism and double-digit unemployment rates!
• Too bad Texas Republicans have to keep Tom DeLay’s name on the November ballot. Perhaps if you people asked the New Jersey State Supreme Court to intervene on your behalf you might get somewhere. For those that don't know, back in '02 these red-diaper doper babies violated the law and let Democrats put a new candidate on the ballot, even though the deadline for doing such a thing had expired for this midterm election. Oh, wait, y’all Texans are Republicans. Nevermind.
Woah, woah, woah. Back up a second. I just noticed the name of my last link source.
Even though the word "twatrock" wasn't used in that linked article, can it be?
• Well no fucking shit. Fatties are in more danger during a heat wave. Next thing I know you’ll tell me that the obese also face greater risks of heart disease and diabetes than skinny people.
• Every now and then you come across a story that no matter what you do you can’t top the actual article itself. This is one of those instances. A lot of times when someone re-posts a story in its entirety on a message board one or two sentences/quotes/etc. are bolded for emphasis. If I were to do that for the story below, the whole article would be in bold-face.
5:15 p.m.
• Snow snow I hate snow. Actually, the drive wasn’t that bad home from work today. It took twice as long, but traffic was slow. Eh, whatever. At least we were moving. Funny thing was some jangala Oryctolagus cuniculus coming home from school hit our car with a snowball. It would have been funny to put it in reverse and plow into the herd, but then I’d be charged with a hate crime.
• I’m not a hunter, but generally I don’t make fun of people that like to do this sort of thing. Personally, getting up at 4 a.m., going out to the wilderness, sitting around in the cold, damp morning air and waiting for a defenseless animal to walk into your sights is not my idea of a good time. However, if it floats your boat, then good for you. Then again, I have to ask what is so impressive about shooting a deer or turkey with a gun or arrow? Go kill a bear or mountain lion with just a knife and your wits; then you can really hang that animal's head up on your wall with pride. Oh, and when the animals fight back, I’ll be rooting for them. Not because I hate hunters, mind you, but rather I’m a sucker for the underdog, or in this case, underbear.
• Well the baptism thingy I talked about in yesterday’s entry went off without a hitch, for the most part. The mother-in-law decided to take over and pass the kid around, but that’s the worst which happened so all-in-all it wasn’t a bad day. We then went to the restaurant, where we were supposed to eat at 4 p.m. – we didn’t actually start eating until 5 p.m., and by the time we got out of that place it was past 7 p.m., so that was a nice chunk of 5+ hours on my day off. Oh well, it’s not like this chick is going to pop out another kid anytime soon, or at least for nine months.
• I’m sure many of you would agree with me that the winter months produce more automobile accidents and delays, but goddamn whenever spring really starts to get in effect the carnage seems just as bad. My commute from work been at least 10-15 minutes longer each day because of more traffic, accidents, broken-down vehicles and road construction projects which have the orange barrels/cones up with nobody actually working at the scene. And on top of that, there seemingly has been at least one car accident per day on the highway I drive on. At least when there’s snow falling down, the only people you have to worry about are the idiots with four-wheel drive going 60+ mph; when the weather’s nice it seems everyone thinks they’re a NASCAR driver.
• I was watching SportsCenter this morning, and they brought up a stat that talked about the NHL referees actually calling penalties in this year’s Stanley Cup Playoffs. It’s about goddamn time. I like hard-hitting hockey as much as the next person, but not at the expense of illegally clutching and grabbing a team’s star skill players and hampering the on-ice product. I never understood why officials allowed teams around this time of year to get away with play that would have netted them a penalty in the regular season. Hopefully, enforcing the rules will continue on into the later rounds and make the NHL as a whole better.
• I don’t know what would stink more: Your house getting blasted with 3,000 gallons worth of sewage, or hearing your local government promise they will clean up and repair the damage to your residence. In the article it says the house has a tax value of $101k while estimates for cleanup range from $75-150k – if I were this poor family, I’d rather pack up and move than to rely on the government to clean my, literal, shithole up.
9 p.m.
• So today was Black Friday, and I swear to Christ this is my favorite time of the year. And why wouldn’t it be? Most social uppity-ups tend to bitch about this day because it shows the general public as a bunch of greedy, materialistic malcontents. And to this I say: so what? Look, I’m not advocating trampling over some blue-hair to get a $20 DVD player (unless of course she tries to take it out of your hands). Shit, that $20 DVD player will probably break down after two hours, but that’s not the point. There’s stuff out there. You want it. It’s cheap. Do what you want. And that’s just what I did this morning.
I am a novice in the grand scheme of things when it comes to Black Friday. I started taking part in this annual event a few years ago, and last year I sat it out due to money matters. However, I was back on the wagon this year and in full force with Mrs. kkk. Now, I got my battle plans on Turkey Day when the local newspaper packed its holiday edition with the pages upon pages of colorful ads promoting “door buster” savings and “unbeatable” deals. As I scanned through the ads I took note as to what those on my Christmas list had on their Christmas list, but more importantly I took note as to what I wanted. Yes, much of my Black Friday shopping is for me. I have no kids. My family is almost non-existent. Friends? Nigga plz. Co-workers? I asked my current place of employment about the general attitude toward gift-giving back in 2004 and almost had my head snapped off. So Black Friday is My Friday.
As I said before, I’m not a seasoned vet at doing this early morning shopping thing, but I do consider myself to be a fast learner. Back in 2004 I started out at Best Buy when the clock turned 6 a.m. and that was a total disaster. A huge-ass crowd, disorganized lines, products that weren’t worth the wait. In 2005 I decided to begin at the nearby Kohl’s, which was a better idea because, if memory serves, this store was open at 5 a.m., one hour before everyone else. This year I decided to start out at Kohl’s again. Not only was this Kohl’s now going to be open at 4 A.M. but also there were some shoes that caught my eye and were deeply discounted. The better half also wanted to get a $70 gift basket that was discounted to $20. My theory was that by striking here early, this would give us enough time to scoot over to Target, which was recently built in the same complex as the above-mentioned Kohl’s. After this, we would head out down the road to Wal-Mart, several other stores of interest, the local mall, Best Buy, followed by a trip to another nearby community where there were several stores Mrs. kkk wanted to visit. Sounds good, but did everything go as planned? Were there some flies in the ointment? Was there enough Jew in me to sniff out the real bargains from the bargains-in-name-only?
You’ll have to find out tomorrow. Because I’ve been up since 2:45 a.m. and I’m tired. Real tired.
5:30 p.m.
• So while the better half was in surgery this week, it gave me the chance to read the first chapter of Glenn Beck’s “An Inconvenient Book.” The first chapter is devoted to goofing on enviro-wackos. Nothing really surprising. However, one thing I love to do (well, maybe not love) is read mainstream media accounts of issues back in the day. Take for example this gem from Newsweek published 4/28/1975, which was featured in Beck’s Book.
This was, of course, to combat global cooling. It’s a shame I wasn’t born a few years earlier than I was because I just missed the cooling craze. All I remember from my early years of schooling was some film that featured the “last clean place on earth.” It was some hippie greenhouse run by some … well, hippie. I guess the local people, who were dressed in HAZMAT gear, got tired of him and his animals breathing all that clear air and started knocking it down. For shame.
Oh, and here are some crazy quotes that are in Beck's book. I love reading stuff like this:
From enviro-wacko/EricMM's idol Paul Ehrlich in 1969:
In 1970:
Well, he was sorta right on this one. Although you have to substitute "dead fish" with "Mexicans."
5:15 p.m.
• So if you know a couple who went through a miscarriage, and you actually care about these people, DON’T do the following:
1) Say “Well that means the baby was probably deformed or something.”
2) Mail a Jesus booklet with a headline on the cover that says “You baby is dead.”
Did I tell you who did both things? My mom. And the sad thing is she’s trying to be supportive. I’m not offended or anything, but it’s bad enough when the “baby” or “new parent” free magazines show up in the mail.
Speaking of my mom and the mail, when that dead baby booklet showed up in the mail, there was a letter from the mailman that said I owed 32 cents. My guess is that the dead baby book wasn’t accurately weighed. So I went into the ol’ piggy bank, put in 32 pennies and placed the “IOU” envelope back in the mailbox. But hey, at least the post office figured out the right address this time.
Uh oh.
• I finally got around to watching the “My Big Redneck Wedding” show in which my region was featured. Let’s run down the checklist of what I saw on the program that made me feel right at home:
Pickup truck that’s cleaner than their house? Check.
Steeler jersey? Check.
Lemieux jersey? Check.
Reception held at fire hall? Check.
OK, now here’s what scared me. The groom’s wedding band was purchased at the same place I bought mine. Additionally, Mrs. kkk’s wedding dress and the show’s bride-to-be got both of their garments from the identical location. Hilarious.
7 p.m.
• Yeah, baby. I just checked my bank account today and my $1200 tax rebate check got deposited a few days ago. Now I'm going to go and...
...not do a damn thing with it.
8:30 p.m.
• Remember last season when the Pirates TRADED for THIS?
Well, guess what.
Stabilize a young rotation? So that's what the company line is for this? And people wonder why I don't bother with this team. That may change sometime this year if my friend from Ohio visits and wants to take in a Bucs game. Fuck.
You know one of the things I love about the workplace? When you interview for a job, get a rundown of your duties and agree on a wage, only to discover that your employer neglected to inform you of the thirty other job responsibilities assigned to you. Better yet, they let you know of these newfound duties when whatever you’re responsible for breaks down. This happened to me the first time our office DSL service went kaput. You see, because I don’t fear computers (much), I’m the official IT guy. Of course, I didn’t learn of this until after the first time the DSL stopped working. Now, after many months of intensive study and rigorous training, I have developed a way to fix the many instances when our organization’s Internet setup goes haywire. You ready? Well, here’s what I do. I hope you’re sitting down for this.
I unplug the modem. Wait a few seconds. Replug.
That’s it.
And I’m the only person capable of doing this.
I swear to fucking Christ I don’t understand how our place stays in business. Whenever the Internet/e-mail is down for more than 30 seconds, I get a phone call saying, “OMG THE INTERNET IS DOWN~!” I then have to drop everything I’m doing, walk up two floors to the main office, unplug the fucking modem, wait a few seconds, and then replug it back in, all the while everyone else just sits there not having a fucking clue as of what to do. I’ve tried explaining to these people that every time I call Verizon DSL tech support, the first thing they tell me to do is unplug the modem and see if service gets kicked back on. EVERY FUCKING TIME I have had to call Verizon regarding this matter, this is what they tell me to do, and 99.9% of the time it has worked. When I ask why this happens, I don’t get a coherent answer. Of course, nobody else in our organization is capable to performing the technical magic I can. I have even offered to show people, free of charge, the complex task of UNPLUGGING AND REPLUGGING THE FUCKING MODEM. However, since this is “my job,” nobody else is able to shoulder this burden.
The last time I called off work our precious Internet service went down during my absence. I heard the next day that the Internet service was down for more than FOUR HOURS, all because nobody bothered to UNPLUG AND REPLUG THE FUCKING MODEM. I guess I should feel grateful that I’m such a valuable part of the team, but trust me hearing “OMG THE INTERNET IS DOWN~!” and having to walk up two stories just to UNPLUG AND REPLUG A FUCKING MODEM can get a little tedious, especially when I have actual work that needs to be done.
Why am I talking about this? Because this shit happened today. I was away from my office for about 45 minutes putting together a mass-mailing project. Now even though we have a midget who is supposed to be in charge of all postage matters, let’s just say I’ve learned to live by the saying of, “if you want a job done right do it yourself.” (And also because one time when he took several weeks to mail out something I needed sent ASAP due to the fact he was too fucking lazy to move a piece of equipment that weighed less than 10 lbs to get the thing that needed mailed, I was told to “go fuck myself.”) So there I was doing my thing, and after 45 minutes of work I went up to the third floor to weigh all the parcels I was sending out. Suddenly, I heard it. “OMG THE INTERNET IS DOWN~!” I was then informed that the Internet had been down for 40 MINUTES. I said that I’m already in the midst of another “crisis,” and that I can only handle one earth-shattering moment at a time. I promised that after I was done with what I was working on I’d get right onto the Internet catastrophe. After driving to and from the post office I took a 20-minute poop. Well the actual act of pooping only lasted about 30 seconds. The rest of the time was spent reading the rest of my Sunday Tribune-Review that I brought with me to work. You’ll be pleased to know that, after nearly 75 minutes of downtime, I was able to fix the precious Internet. How did I do it? Why, I UNPLUGGED AND REPLUGGED THE FUCKING MODEM.
Thank God I’m two floors away from just about every one of my co-workers.
San Francisco at Seattle (9.5)
Normally I’d be going with Seattle, but they really haven’t been blowing out these NFC West teams like they have in the past. Go 49ers.
(3.5) Dallas at Atlanta
The Cowboys got blown out at home on NATIONAL TELEVISION and the Falcons won against the Buccaneers. I’ll stick with the Cowboys.
Cleveland at Baltimore (11.5)
I’m not sure what to do with this one. Sure the Ravens are way better than the Browns, but this is a divisional game. And AFC North rivalry games can be zany. However, the Bengals blew out the Browns a few weeks back, and the Steelers made up for their near-defeat at Cleveland by trouncing them weeks later. Yay Ravens.
Detroit at Green Bay (5.5)
It’ll probably be cold out. Detroit sucks.
Houston at New England (11.5)
Uh oh. The Pats are favored by nearly a dozen points against a crappy team. Now will they continue to struggle or will take their aggressions out against the Texans. I got burned with New England against Detroit. I’ll now side with the Texans in a blow-out game so I can bitch next week that I should have stuck with the Pats.
(3.5) Jacksonville at Tennessee
Uh oh. Another game I don’t have an initial feeling on. I’m in an upset mood: I’ll take the Titans.
Miami at Buffalo (1.5)
Miami shut out New England. I smell let-down game. But Buffalo is favored by only 1.5 at home? I’ll take the Dolphins in a last-second change of picks.
N.Y. Jets at Minnesota (3.5)
I’ve been hoping that the Vikings would be a break-out team this year, but it looks like they are just run-of-the-mill. I don’t know if I should take them because I’m guessing the Jets will flop these last few weeks. Drat. I’ll go with the Jets anyway.
Philadelphia at N.Y. Giants (5.5)
I’m so going with Philly in this one. I don't know why.
(3.5) Pittsburgh at Carolina
How the hell are the Steelers favored? I was going to pick them thinking that the Panthers would be the favored team. Now I don’t know what to do. I go with the Panthers.
Tampa Bay at Chicago (13.5)
I’ll hope the Bucs can score a late-game touchdown to bring the contest to within 13 points.
Washington at New Orleans (9.5)
Washington won a game or two lately, so I’ll hope they can score a late game touchdown to bring the contest to within 9 points.
(2.5) Denver at Arizona
Denver has been off as of late, but are they really that off to only be favored by less than three points? I’ll stick with them anyway.
Kansas City at San Diego (8.5)
Here’s hoping Kansas City can keep it close.
St. Louis at Oakland (2.5)
Oakland is favored? Give me the Rams.
Cincinnati at Indianapolis (3.5)
Hmm. Indy is slumping and Cincy is getting hot. Will this game spell impending doom for the Colts? I’m going to guess Indianapolis wakes up to the call and wins by more than a field goal. This is still the regular season, after all.
11:45 a.m.
• So I have the Outback Bowl on as background noise and I think I recently heard the ESPN announcer say some guy from Tennessee just ran into the end zone for the first down. Yeah, I know it's a live broadcast and you often mix up your words (that's why I don't think many politician flubs are that funny -- a person might have been campaigning for 12 straight hours and then slip up on a word or phrase), but this got a chuck out of me.
5 p.m.
• New year, new change to KK's Korner. I'm going to start putting more recent updates below the older ones. A few times I noted that I was continuing a story and spoiled a few tales by having the startling conclusions at the top of the page.
• Was flipping channels this afternoon and noted the following:
1) It’s nice to hear Pat Summerall still announcing every now and then. I think the reason for my feelings on this matter is that he’s not going to be around forever.
2) I saw parts of that “winter classic” where the NHL held a hockey game outdoors in Buffalo. I like the idea, and having such a game every year would help the league in terms of publicity and the like. However, who thought it’d be a good idea to have this game take place during college football’s biggest day, outside of the BcS title game?
10:30 p.m.
• I generally don't like their ads, and I've heard bad things about Allstate from some people I know. However, this ad made me laugh out loud the first time I watched it, even though I figured out what was going on early on in the ad.
• Speaking of football, this Sugar Bowl -- ugh. There better be one heck of a second-half rally or we won't have a champion in this year's REGULAR SEASON TOURNAMENT.
• Remember what I said yesterday about idiots in my area that complained Bill Cowher could never get past the Conference Championship Game? Well, this morning as I was doing some work outside of my office, I got to listen to one dipshit co-worker of mine talk with another about Sunday’s game. Instead of saying how great it was for Shittsburgh (and he is a Steeler fan) to finally win a Super Bowl, all he did was bitch about how horrible Ben Roethlisberger played. When the person he was talking to said that Ben’s performance could have been due to nerves, his reply was “that’s no excuse.” I love this town.
• Speaking of the Super Bowl, a controversy that didn’t take place on the field involved the pre-game ceremony. In one of the more interesting moments in recent Super Bowl history, nearly every Super Bowl MVP was introduced before kickoff. However, two of the better known MVPs, quarterbacks Joe Montana and Terry Bradshaw, were missing.
Some media outlets have claimed that Montana wanted a $100,000 appearance fee for attending this event, while Bradshaw said he didn’t want to take part in order to spend more time with his family. (Montana has since said that him asking for $100k is not true.) Believe each quarterback’s story or not, that’s up to you. However, I don’t fault either man for not attending this event; it was their choice. For as much money as both stars made while playing for the NFL, the league capitalized on each man’s achievements as well. But either athlete shouldn’t be shocked when they get greeted at future pubic events with boos from the crowd, which is their choice to do as well.
• The Steelers Super Bowl rally took place today in Shittsburgh, and one of the speakers was Lynn Swann, who is running for Pennsylvania governor. I wonder if this free air-time/publicity is allowed under campaign-finance laws? Then again, current governor Ed Rendell was also at this event, so I guess “equal time” can be applied in this case.
• Speaking of the Shittsburgh Super Bowl rally, a local controversy has started up after a school district cancelled classes today because the school’s band took part in the festivities. I have no problem with parents letting their kids skip school to attend a post-championship rally, but I have a problem when a school district enacts this policy. I remember back when I was in high school and the Penguins won back-to-back Stanley Cup titles; our school didn’t close down so students could attend those rallies. Of course, about one-third of the students didn’t come into class for that day anyway, and the other two-thirds of us spent most of the day in rooms watching the events on television.
• Denmark’s Prime Minister is calling the protests over those Muslim cartoons a global crisis. Right. And speaking of those offensive cartoons, check out what the Muslim world draws in their media. This one is my personal favorite. I especially like the shades of gray used throughout the image; it really goes well with the flying blood and the overall circular feel of the picture.
• Looks like NBC anchor Brian Williams is having trouble trying to recognize two Democrat politicians: Tennessee congressman Harold Ford, Jr., and Illinois Senator Barack Obama. From the Hill: “During NBC’s broadcast, Williams noticed Obama on the House floor and identified him to the viewing audience. Unfortunately it was actually Ford.” Oops. Able to see any resemblance between Ford and Obama? Me neither. I guess Williams got them confused because they both speak so well.
• One reason Jimmy Carter got elected President back in 1976 was because voters were tired of scandals such as Watergate and wanted someone who didn’t appear to be corrupt. Well, the voters got their wish. Instead of being corrupt, Carter was just plain stupid. Now his son is planning a Senate run in Nevada; the good news if he gets elected is that he won’t follow in dad’s footsteps and attempt to broker nuclear deals with third-world nations – at least not in his first term.
• So now Ray Nagin is looking to other countries to help rebuild his flooded city? What he ought to do is contact the United Nations, which is one of the few institutions more corrupt than his city of New Orleans.
• Oh, and speaking of asshole mayors, the one in New London, Conn., is offering a compromise to those homeowners whose property got seized so a private business can make more money for the State. Under this plan, several of the former landowners would be able to say, but they need to pay rent to the city in order to live there. What a great idea. Now even more money will be paid to the State, all in the name of the greater good.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 80: The Franchise
The Franchise: He’s one of those British people, and I don’t think he lives in one of the better neighborhoods across the Pond. However, he has seemed harmless enough, and we’ve even chatted a few times via AIM. Problem was our conversations were short-lived due to those wacky time zones; each time he AIM’d me it was time for me to leave work (and yes, that was the real reason). He seemed like a nice guy, but not nice enough for me to stay past my shift and gab with.
• Rush, Rush, Rush, what am I ever going to do with you? I guess I should be grateful that you weren’t caught with Oxycontin. Oh well, I might as well get this one out of the way: “I always knew he was a member of the hard Right, but this is taking it a bit too far.”
• The Johnstown Tribune-Democrat, in the midst of a design change, might drop the "Democrat" from its name. Hopefully, this won’t be the only Democrat in the region dropped this year -– Johnstown, Pa., is home to John Murtha.
• I’ll tell you what. After listening to W. tear into the N.Y. Slimes for publishing a program that monitors international banking transactions, I wish he got pissed off every time he spoke in public. I can’t wait for the next terrorist attack to hit this country, if only to hear the Slimes and other Medium-Large Media allies wonder why the government didn't do more to gather up intel that could have prevented the attack. Better yet, hopefully Abdul will blow himself up inside the Gray Lady’s headquarters.
• Oh for fuck’s sake. Let’s just ban cigarettes outright. I’m sick and tired of hearing how the slightest whiff of tobacco will kill me 60 years from now. Let’s ban smoking in all restaurants, because when I’m about to bite into my bacon cheeseburger with a side of seasoned fries I don’t want my health to be at risk because of some smoker across the eatery taking a puff off of his cancer stick.
• Al Keiper and Vern Gagne mentioned in Al’s blog that the designated hitter position should be kept for All-Star games. Having spent about 4-5 seconds thinking about this topic, I think the DH rule should be used depending on where the All-Star game is being held. If the game is being played in an American League field, use the extra bat. If the game is held on a field from the Senior Circuit, make the pitchers earn their keep. Personally, I think the Designated Hitter is nothing more than a way to keep beefy ballplayers with bad knees from having to earn their paychecks out in the field, but that’s what you get with unions. While I’m on this subject, one thing that has to go is this hippie “the winning league at the All-Star game gets home-field advantage in the World Series.” All-Star games are meant to be an exhibition. If you really don’t want to have one of these contests run out of pitchers in extra innings, then don’t feel obligated to play every person on your roster within the course of nine innings.
• Some guy could face jail time for writing "BULL (expletive) MONEY GRAB." On the memo line of a check he sent to pay for a parking fine? Crap. Every once in a while I write something stupid on my check’s memo line. Most of the time if I’m paying my local quarterly tax it’s usually something dumb like, “Making sure the Man doesn’t throw me in jail,” but there have been a few instances when I’ve been quite rude, especially when I was paying for some bullshit fee, service charge or hidden cost I was hit with. The worst, however, came in 2000 when I got screwed over on my state taxes and wrote on my check to the commonwealth of Pennsylvania, “So you Jew bastards can take even more of my hard-earned money.” It’s things like this that I look back on and realize if I ever decide to run for public office I wouldn’t last more than a week in the public spotlight.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 46: Marvin is a Lunatic
Marvin is famous around these here parts for two things. 1) His love of high definition television. 2) Troubles with his love life. Rather than go into more detail about both, I’ll just point you over to a thread that has become synonymous with Marvin. If you haven’t made your way to this thread yet, do so. As for me, I’ve always had a soft spot for him. And while I’m on the subject of virgins looking to get laid, heed these words my poontang seekers: Don’t expect much going in because when a male virgin finally achieves penetration because it’ll only last 5-10 seconds. Yes, I am speaking from personal experience. Then again, I wasn’t wearing a rubber at the time. I might have lasted 20 seconds had my scimitar been properly sheathed. I wouldn’t have lasted twice as long because the latex would have dulled the sensation, but rather I wouldn’t have wanted to waste money on using a prophylactic for that short of time.
And now a word or five from the expert panel I’ve assembled to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Black Lushus:
From EricMM:
From Carnival:
From SFAJack:
From Kingofthe909:
• Who needs “Survivor” or “Hogan Knows Best,” when you have the kind of reality programming that I married into? For those of you that are somewhat familiar with my in-law family tree, bear with me for three sentences while I bring others up-to-date. My 40-something-year-old sister-in-law is a crack whore. Well, meth/heroin addict would be a more accurate description, but I feel “crack whore” can be used as a universal term for “loser drug addict.” The crack whore’s oldest daughter lives with my mother-in-law and has “supposedly” been going to college for the last year-and-a-half. Well, this 19-year-old is now headed off to a drug rehab center for three months. Why is she doing this? Well because a few weeks ago the mother in-law busted the niece-in-law in a web of lies that’s not worth going into. The mother-in-law then said she was taking her name off the title to my nice-in-law’s car, thus making the niece-in-law fully responsible for her car’s insurance payments; payments that are also going to be at a much higher rate than before. After the niece-in-law stormed out to live with the crack whore for a week or two, she announced to the mother-in-law that she was addicted to “pain killers” (heroin is the more likely drug of choice), and has tried to “detox herself” several times over the past three years. *CoughbullshitCough*. I’m still expressing doubt she’s actually going to go to rehab, and if she does I doubt she’ll complete the full three months. Why do I seem express such joy in other people’s pain? Because it makes for great reality television – and you don’t even need the TV set! And since she will not supposedly be home for the holidays that also means one extra gift that doesn’t have to be purchased. Wait a second: that’s TWO gifts because I’m sure her on-again-off-again boyfriend won’t be paying a visit either. The sad thing is that I wish I could trade him for her in regards to being related to a person; he’s actually normal, except for his taste in women. Then again, the niece-in-law was his first sex partner, so I understand why he accepts the constant break-ups and other bullshit that applies to “young love.”
Why do I “hate” the niece-in-law? I really don’t hate her, but I do ignore her for the most part (perhaps another story for another time). I think the best part of this story will be when she’s 30-years old and working in some go-nowhere shithole, realizing everyday as she gets up for her dead-end job that she had a near-free-ride toward a college degree and pissed it all away. She had enough grants/inheritance/etc. given to her to pay for at least half of her four-year undergraduate education, and that didn’t include the various work-study programs she had been accepted for, too. Of course, she actually needed to attend these university jobs in order to get paid, but now I’m nitpicking.
Will she complete rehab? Will she go back to college? Will she graduate? Will she get knocked up? Will she get back with one of her fuck-buddies who recent went to jail for robbery and act as the get-away driver in his next caper? I have to tune in and find out. Well, maybe not “tune in;” just listen to what Mrs. kkk tells me after wrapping up the latest chat with her mother. Even though you never really know what to expect from the script that life provides you, I have a feeling this story will end up with the niece-in-law being a crack whore. Just like her mother. This of course means I’ve been watching a repeat all along. Well, maybe not a “repeat.” I think “spin-off” would be a more appropriate label.
8 p.m.
• So the baseball HOF ceremonies were this weekend, and one of my all-time favorite players, Tony Gwynn, got inducted. As a kid, there were a handful of baseball “heroes” I had during the 1980s. They were Gwynn, George Brett, Carlton Fisk and Fernando Valenzuela. That's all I got. Tony's the man.
• Oh I can’t wait to see how this shit gets enforced.
This part made me laugh.
• And speaking of enforcing laws, this shit blew my mind earlier this week.
So local governments aren’t allowed to take measures to stop the invasion and have to rely on the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT? God help us all. Also, I have no clue what political party Hazleton's mayor is, but if he would run for governor I'd vote for him.
• It’s bad enough parents don’t have time for their kids, but now they don’t have time for dogs?
Actually, this isn’t such a bad idea. I’d rather have someone rent-a-pooch for a few hours each week than have them buy a dog only to take it to the pound a few months later when the owner discovers that canines like to do things like walk and poop outside. And, unlike children, I'm sure the dogs don't care where they end up each day as long as they associate "home" with the business' kennel.
• I’m sure you can make a variety of cock jokes with this one.
If only they had choked their chickens, those guys wouldn't be dressed like one.
9 p.m.
• So one of my many unfunny running gags is the “one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male” quips I occasionally do around here. Could another one of these lines be “global warming causes fill-in-the-blank.”
• I heard this story on the radio today and had to roll my eyes.
I wonder why? How about because those that don’t pull all-nighters have already STUDIED and actually took the time to LEARN? I remember in college I transferred my credits from a community college to a four-year institution. Even though all my credits transferred, there were a few “intro” classes I had to sit through. So there I was, one of the few “upper classmen” in a room full of freshmen (and women, wouldn’t want to offend anyone). I was an oddball because I actually completed my midterm assignment early and actually turned in my work a few days before it was due. However, I remember hearing a few of my younger classmates talk to one another on the day this paper was due and bragging about how late they stayed up the night before to complete this assignment. A week or two later I heard these same people complain about the grade they got. One of my favorite lines was, “This isn’t fair. Do you know how long I worked on this?”
Oh, and want to know the source of this survey?
One-hundred twenty students? Good God.
Agreed. Plus you are in such a rush that you don’t really accomplish anything. Whenever I’m working on a project, I never turn it in on the same day I produce the material. Unless I’m given something on the same day it’s due, I’ll always complete an assignment, leave for the day and look over it the next day. Works for me.
