• I was listening to Fox Sports Radio the other day and the hosts were talking about Jerry Porter now being suspended from the Oakland Raiders. One thing they said Porter was unhappy about dealt with the length of practices -- I think too much practice is the least of the Silver and Black’s problems. But this isn't just a week to rip on the Raiders when you have the Arizona Cardinals imploding in the fourth quarter of last night's game. I do feel bad for Neil Rackers though. He was the Bengals kicker when I lived in southwest Ohio. While going through a tough season, he had to put up with constant crap from idiot fans; I remember there was an incident at some restaurant when he was there with his wife/girlfriend and some dolts were bitching about the Bengals. Go ahead and boo all you want when an athlete is out on the field, but for Christ's sake leave them alone when they're trying to enjoy a meal or share an outing with their family out in public.
• I don’t hold humans in high regard, but kitties are another matter. This asshole needs a bullet in his head.
Uh, how about taking the kittens in, getting them checked out and putting them up for adoption, you faggot-ass piece of shit? Yeah, that would have been real hard; OMG you would have had to put the animals in a carrier and taken them to a vet. Sure it would have cost a few dollars, but he’s the principal of a government school – I’m sure he could have footed the bill. Hell, get the local media involved and this could have turned into a nice, heart-warming story of two kittens getting a second chance on life. Instead, this bastard unloaded two bullets and now he has me wishing for his slow and painful death.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this): This couple went camping for a few days and left the 17-year old daughter at home unattended. They asked her when they got back if she stayed home the entire time and she said no. She said she spent two nights at her boyfriend’s house. There is a disagreement with how to punish her, and the father says that he wants to be less harsh on her than his wife because the daughter “prides herself in being a virgin,” goes to church and plays sports.
While not the call of the day, this one call that got me saying, “I don’t think so, ho.” The chick had a kid with some guy who bolted the moment she announced that she was preggers. She married this other guy, and they also had a kid. The first baby’s daddy contacted this woman and said that he is more than willing to relinquish parental custody of the kid who he has never seen. When the caller asked her current husband if he would adopt the lovechild, he said no because he feared that if something ever happened to their relationship that he’d get saddled with paying child support for the kid that isn’t his. Hell, I don’t blame him one bit – although I’m sure he’ll end up paying support for the one kid that’s not his even if he doesn’t adopt.
9:30 p.m.
• So last week the better half and I were watching this 100 Greatest Rap Songs of ALL TIME, or something like that. (I think there’s a TSM thread about this.) I have no idea why we were watching this. I had it on because it was late and I was curious to see if there were any “Where are they now?” features to the hip-hoppers I grew up listening. Mrs. kkk was watching just to laugh at the names (bitch got a slap for dissing my “Q-Tip” from A Tribe Called Quest). It was down to the last two songs and she asked me what I thought they would be. I said “Rappers Delight” should be number two and “The Message” should be number one. I was right on “Rappers Delight.” This is my all-time favorite song of any genre, and I’m talking about the 15-minute version – not the hippie 4-minute radio/video friendly airing.
Part I
Part II
I knew “The Message” wasn’t going to finish first because it was already mentioned, so the better half asked my thoughts on Number One. I actually pondered this during the commercials and said the following: “It will probably be something political and overrated – 'Fight the Power' by Public Enemy."
I was right.
Look, I like “It Takes a Nation of Millions” and “Fear of a Black Planet,” but “Fight the Power” is NOT the top hip-hop song of ALL-TIME. Put it at Number Three, but “Rapper’s Delight” and “The Message” are in a league of their own.
Speaking of “Rapper’s Delight” I have a childhood trama story regarding this tune. Back in its heyday, this song was often played by my two half-brothers. This of course got me listening to it on a frequent basis. For some reason, as a kid my favorite part of this epic was the verse that starts out, “Have you ever gone over to a friend’s house to eat and the food just ain’t no good?” I memorized this verse and suddenly this talent of mine to recite this urban poem of unacceptable dinner cuisine was something I was called on to perform whenever the old man was talking with one of his friends/acquaintances. Here is how most of these recitals began:
“Son, sing the ‘Cheese Song’.” (See the bolded text below for why it was the “Cheese Song.”)
“I don’t want to.”
“SING THE GODDAMN SONG~!
”Have you ever have you ever went over a friend’s house to eat and the food just aint no good? I mean the macaroni's soggy the peas are mushed and the chicken tastes like wood. So you try to play it off like you think you can by saying that you’re full. And then your friend says momma he's just being polite he ain’t finished uh uh that's bull. And so your heart starts pumping and you think of a lie and you say that you already ate. And your friend says man there's plenty of food so you pile some more on your plate. While the stinky foods steaming your mind starts to dreaming of the moment that it's time to leave. And then you look at your plate and your chicken’s slowly rotting into something that looks like cheese. So you say that's it I got to leave this place I don’t care what these people think. I’m just sitting here making myself nauseous with this ugly food that stinks. So you bust out the door while its still closed still sick from the food you ate. And then you run to the store for quick relief from a bottle of Kaopectate. And then you call your friend two weeks later to see how he has been. And he says I understand about the food baby bubbah but we're still friends.”
Even with these childhood memories, this is one AWESOME SONG. In fact, now that I’m older, there’s another verse that I prefer over the “cheese” verse.
I think the best part about this verse is about not letting Sucka MCs stealing rhymes when that’s just what the verse-teller actually did.
10:15 p.m.
• Only one thing to talk about but boy it’s a doozy. This evening the better half was in the bedroom watching Golden Girls or some shit when the phone rang. The caller ID identified the call as from the university where she works. Figuring it would be her boss in the office late or the newly hired work-study for what reason or another, I picked up the phone. I should had known better when the girl said, “May I speak with Mrs. kkk?” but I figured it could be the work-study person acting all professional and shit. Guess who it was? Some college student pseudo telemarketer asking her to donate to this thing called the “Book Fund.” What is the Book Fund you ask? This fundraising drive to help students pay for the “ever-rising costs of education.” You got to be shitting me.
I never understood this logic. You take out tens of thousands of dollars in tuition and boarding fees (if you’re a dorm student), and you can’t afford to pay for your books. Are you shitting me? But kkk, it’s 2007. Books are Xpensive. Get the fuck out of here, you pathetic sniveling little bitches. Want to know what my Book Fund was? My paycheck. Get a job and quit your whining. Oh if my alma mater would call me with this kind of shit. Then again, I don’t bother to respond to any of their fundraising material I get in the mail, so I probably wouldn’t bother to pick up the phone if the ID gives the name of my school
• OK, I lied. Mrs. kkk told me about this story today and I had to read it for myself.
I think I’ve established over the years that I’m a pets > people person, but I’m actually going to side with the shelter on this one. Hey, Ellen, you didn’t follow the rules of the contract. I don’t give a shit about your boo-hooing. If anything, you should have taken the dog back to the shelter, explain the situation and do some transfer thingy to the other family. Rules are rules, even if they are stupid. If you are pitching a fit over this, imagine what will happen when Big Government takes over your health care and doesn’t allow you to see the physician of your choosing. Say, maybe we can accuse the shelter of a HATE CRIME. That’ll fix it. Oh, I’m not worried about the dog. This pooch is going to get snagged up so fast it’ll probably make your head spin. But the dog is away from its FAMILY. It’s a dog. Give it a bowl of food and an asshole to sniff and the animal will go, “Who were those people I sniffed the other day?”
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 50 and 51: Darrylxlf/AndrewTS
Now I know what you’re thinking – why are these two grouped together? Let me explain. I’m pretty sure one of them lives Down Under while the other resides not too far from my residence. At least one of them is a rather conservative fellow, and at least one of them is a video game enthusiast. There’s just one problem. I can never remember which one is which, and I stopped trying to remember because it's a chore enough not to forget other things in life like "first pants then your shoes."
And now a word or two from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From SFA Jack:
From EricMM:
• Wow. For all those years I was The Man, unaware or indifferent to the plight of minorities everywhere. While I sat with my fellow fat cats griping about the horrors of affirmative action and racial quotas, we all reveled in sticking it to the poor and downtrodden – and if they were dark-colored or had an unpronounceable name, bonus points were awarded. Well now the tables are turning. The United States is expected to welcome its 300 millionth citizen any day now, and the data suggest that this person will most likely be an immigrant. Probably a Mexican. It's only a matter of time before my people are eradicated from the landscape and my lily-white neighborhood will be overrun by Pedros and Rodriguezes. Why couldn’t things go back to the way they were when the tired/poor/hungry masses trying to get in were Jews?
• If being overrun by darkies wasn’t bad enough, now when I’ve finally gotten into God’s good graces by no longer living in sin, I’m in the minority of households thanks to this ring on my left hand. Well maybe if all those people wouldn’t be getting divorces we married folk wouldn’t be in the minority. And the worst thing about this is that when I tried to explain to the better half that we’d be social oddballs by getting hitched, she didn’t share my sentiments.
• In case you missed it this weekend, the University of Miami kept true to their thug image by brawling with some hippie team I’ve never heard of before. And the smack wasn’t just on the field.
Yeah. WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE. From Florida International. If you let Florida International to walk all over you, who’s next – Temple? Damn, I don’t follow college football and even I know the Owls are lousy. And for the record, I heard those comment by Thomas and was thoroughly entertained. Good job.
• Speaking of college football, the BcS standings just came out. Don’t care. College football is a fucking joke. One of the largest sports industries in this country and they don’t even bother with a playoff. You people don’t want a playoff system? That’s cool. But don’t turn around and then have these endless, stupid debates over who really is number one and who should really be ranked number two. Win your conference. Win your gay bowl game against someone from another conference and let it end there. And whenever you want to determine a true national champion, give me a call.
• I was fiddling around with Wikipedia last night and stumbled upon Coolio because I had “It Takes a Thief” playing at the time. Why, Coolio, WHY!?
In addition to owning “It Takes a Thief,” I also have “Gangsta’s Paradise” and “My Soul.” While “Thief” is by far my favorite of the three; I never really liked “Paradise,” the album or the song. “My Soul” was much better than I thought it would be. And even though he appeared on the “Comeback Show,” I’m sure it couldn’t have been as awful as that abortion of a made-for-TNT-movie dealing with sharks. Holy fuck was that a terrible piece of programming. I must do a mea culpa though because whenever I read that he was a Lazarus Demon in “Charmed” I actually remembered that episode. And then for some reason unbeknownst to me, I recalled him being in the “Daredevil” DIRECTOR’S CUT DVD playing an oppressed black man. (But, then again, aren’t they all?) Not sure if he was in the original theatrical version; I didn't see it but I vaguely remember hearing that he wasn't during some special feature on the DVD.
• I began playing Diablo II again after a long, long hiatus. I returned to my barbarian character and am killing lots of baddies. I just started Act V, and if I’m still interested in this game after passing the normal difficulty level I might give another character a whirl. That’s all I got.
7:30 p.m.
• So just under two weeks ago Max bolted from our happy home into the wild. On Monday night we set out a cage trap that was loaned from one of Mrs. kkk’s friends. Basically, an animal walks into the cage and it shuts, trapping it. These devices are used at the friend’s workplace, so we began putting food in this contraption in hopes Max would not notice the chain links and hanging wall waiting to block any chance of escape one would have from entering this narrow corridor. Well Monday night came and went with NOBODY caught. Hell, I was expecting a stray to enter in the cage of no return. This of course had the better half convinced Max was dead. I, once again, was indifferent. If the little bastard wants his freedom then he’ll have to forgo his security -- four walls, a roof, three meals, water, etc.
We set the cage out again last night. When I awoke this morning I trudged on over to the front door to see if we had any takers. I noticed that the cage’s front door had shut, meaning we snagged something. I then turned on the porch light and what did I see?
I am Max and I wish to negotiate.
You little shit.
I woke up the better half and we took him down into the basement where he ate for 5-10 minutes and began rubbing up on both of us like he wanted to come home all along. Of course, he was covered in hair knots, jaggers and had a tick coming out of his left ear. Before taking him to the vet today we treated him just like the U.S. did the former dictator of Iraq.
The prognosis is this: He has a slight fever and lost a pound. Otherwise he’s in good shape. The vet was amazed he was in as good shape as he was for being out almost a fortnight. Of course, we then came to the conclusion that he probably took up residence in the abandoned house or its backyard shed for most of his time away. Fitting, since this is without a doubt the laziest cat I have ever seen. Nonetheless he’s back home and when he comes out of "quarantine" in another 40 hours I’m sure Dessa and JJ will be TRHILLED once again. (Actually, Max has gotten out of the spare bedroom twice already and made a break for downstairs, much to the chagrin of his feline housemates. You see, cats recognize each other by scent, and since Max has been funked up JJ and Dessa are going to act like he’s a new resident, which will result in hissing, growling and screaming. For JJ it will take a week or two to get over this. Dessa just doesn’t like anyone, so in that regard nothing will have changed.
• If you read the crap I type at this place for any length of time, chances are you know for the most part where my political loyalties reside. Well despite all the negative press surrounding the GOP, there's one weapon the Party of the Jackass can't counter: Karl Rove. Karl Rove is my hero. Karl Rove has super powers. Karl Rove can suppress votes from urban districts in a single bound. And now my confidence is running at a high that hasn't been seen in months, thanks to this article. Here's how the story starts off:
And just why is Karl Rove upbeat? A few paragraphs down we get the answer...
While this may seem like an unflattering description of Karl Rove's state of mind, you have to read in-between the lines. It helps if you're a Party Ideologue like me and have your Karl Rove Decoder Ring. Look closer:
The voting machines are going to be rigged. I love you, Karl Rove.
• Speaking of Karl Rove, is it any coincidence that right after the Mark Foley scandal, the original "Mark Foley," former Masshole congressman, and same-sex page boinker extraordinaire, Gary Studds just bit the big one? (Please note I'm talking about death and not about some well-endowed intern.) Anyone care to wager on who made the arrangements to off this guy? That's right. I love Karl Rove almost as much as I love Halliburton.
• There's a reason I don't read so-called humor columns. Because many times straight-news stories carry more hilarity than a month's worth of Dave Barry essays. I bet Karl Rove was behind this, too, just as a warning to this girl's parents as to how they should vote in the upcoming election.
My favorite part of the article; a quote from Ms. Wilson.
And what about the Secret Service people that grilled her?
I'm not dangerous. I mean, look at what icon is in my entry _ it's a . I'm a very peace-loving person.
• Oh, yeah. My NFL picks for this week.
(1.5) Buffalo at Detroit
I say the Tigers reaching the World Series will fire up the Lions and lead them to victory -- or at least a one-point loss.
Carolina at Baltimore (3.5)
I heard Dan Morgan is out for the year. I like Dan.
(6.5) Cincinnati at Tampa Bay
Cincy will take their aggressions out on the Bucs.
Houston at Dallas (13.5)
Dallas will take their aggressions out on the Texans, and T.O. will take his aggressions out on the Cowboys' receivers coach.
N.Y. Giants at Atlanta (3.5)
I'm hoping my support of the Va-giants will result in a loss for the boys in blue.
(3.5) Philadelphia at New Orleans
For some reason this game has "letdown after a big win" vibe to it, but I'll still go with the favored team.
(3.5) Seattle at St. Louis
The Seahawks have been at the top of the NFC West mountain for a while now; until they get de-throned, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt.
Tennessee at Washington (10.5)
The Titans lost by one point last week when the other team was favored by double digits. I am hoping this is the start of Tennessee losing a bunch of close games.
Kansas City at Pittsburgh (6.5)
Man, if the Steelers lose this week, I'm going to avoid all local sports talk for the rest of the regular season.
Miami at N.Y. Jets (2.5)
I find it funny that a pre-season Super Bowl contender now has the Jets being favored over them.
(10.5) San Diego at San Francisco
Another bad team Philip Rivers can fine-tune his skills with.
Oakland at Denver (15.5)
For the last few years, every time I thought Oakland might make a divisional game close I have been burned.
(11.5) Chicago at Arizona
Uh-oh. I have the Bears for this game. Something tells me their winning streak is in jeopardy.
10 p.m.
• So whenever I’m on the computer JJ usually hops up and rolls around on the desk vying for attention or whatever he does.
Funny thing is this is the same cat that stays 10 feet away from me at all times unless I have this certain green linty blanket over myself (or if I just scraped out some earwax from my ear canal). Anyway, this evening I was scratching him on his side/belly, and I guess he didn’t take too kindly to that sort of thing so he began clawing me. Now even though this cat is rather powerful, he’s the biggest coward I’ve ever seen. When he tries to act tough in instances like this it’s a lesson in futility. You want to get hardcore, I’ll get hardcore. I began scratching his side with one hand while distracting him with my other hand, which was right in front of his face. The look of confusion he gave was priceless, and the only thing he could think of doing was batting the hand in front of him while unable to do anything about the hand that was actually violating his personal barrier. I’d say he’s a better lover than a fighter, but he’s neutered so he’s got the worst of both worlds.
Oh, and here's the aforementined "magic" blanket.
• Just to let you know, I heard my crack-whore sister-in-law wants to work as one of those tax people for H&R Block. She also wants to get this $3,000 trailer and move to this trailer park but can’t yet afford either the vehicle/home or the $200/month lot fee. She also told my mother-in-law that it’s her dream to have her boyfriend, her crack-whore daughter, the crack-whore daughter’s live-in boyfriend and have a happy holiday dinner. Did I mention the Christmas tree? Oh, and my welfare-collecting test-tube-kid-producing in-law relatives: the matriarch just told her welfare-collecting aunt (who got $10,000 worth of renovations done to her house compliments of my tax dollars and always seems to cater family events at said house) that she wants a Wii for Christmas. God poor people piss me off.
I might as well leave on a happy note: My brother-in-law and his family will have some "haunted trail" thing going on this weekend for the kids in his neighborhood, and I was recruited as one of the monsters, meaning I'll get to scare children and unlike other instances when I do so it will be perfectly acceptable.
7:45 p.m.
• So the BcS thingy came out this week and OMG some team that’s not USC, LSU or another representative from Big University is ranked second. Whatever. Look, you pro-bowl fuckwads keep saying the regular season is like one big playoff. Well, that Florida team is unbeaten. So quit yer bitchin’. They’ll lose soon enough and you fags can put some other Top 10 regular in its slot. If this team keeps on winning, then shut your piehole and revel in your REGULAR SEASON PLAYOFF~!
7 p.m.
• Time for more fun work stories. So the idiot boss turned an effective ad that my co-worker and I were working on and instead queered it up by demanding cartoony clip art instead of presentable stock photos. When I showed the better half what the idiot thought “looked good,” she burst into laughter and said, “It looks like something a 10-year-old would do.” Fittingly enough, we have been getting ZERO response on these ads. Anyway, last this most recent ad was in the hands of my capable supervisors on Wednesday, and I was to hear of a final draft by the end of the week. Friday came and went. No word. This ad was due today. I sent them all an e-mail on Sunday while in the office (just making sure I have documentation if I get questioned as to I “really was” on the job) letting them know this ad was due Monday. This morning I get an e-mail from the idiot asking me to – surprise -- print him another copy of this ad. Oh, yeah, we also found out today through an “informant” that when he becomes head honcho he plans to make my aforementioned co-worker into his own “department.” Uh, let’s not get too far, Tex. How about starting off slow, like, say, allowing him to utilize his marketing budget, which is only ¼ used because he’s not allowed to travel and bring in business. Oh, yeah. It’s been several months and we still haven’t replaced another co-worker who died because the idiot can’t find any “administrative professional” willing to work a shit job for a shit boss for $8/hour. Damn Bush economy.
Oh, yeah. My current head boss told another co-worker who's been working at this place for 20+ years that she makes more money than a publc school teacher. Yeah. If the teacher was back in 1950.
• So I just found out this cunt of a professor/advisor I had back in college just had her husband pass away. Sadly, my first thought was “Guess he couldn’t take any more and took the easy way out with cancer or heart disease.” Christ I’m such a horrible person.
Might as well get this over and done with.
Buffalo at Chicago (7.5). Incorrect.
It looks like the Bears were better and the Bills not as scrappy as I had once thought. I’m curious to see if Chicago can keep this good play going through the regular season and into the playoffs.
Cleveland at Carolina (8.5). Correct.
I knew the Browns weren’t going to win, but my theory of them scoring on their last drive to get within the 8.5 needed to secure a victory for me was correct. Congrats Romeo Crennel for going for the field goal late to cut the Panther lead to eight points instead of wasting four downs trying to get a touchdown.
Detroit at Minnesota (6.5). Incorrect.
Goddamnit. Everything was going according to plan until the Lions began playing like they were, well, the Lions.
Miami at New England (10.5). Incorrect.
Lost by half-a-point. Well, that evens out the Cleveland win I had earlier.
(3.5) St. Louis at Green Bay. Incorrect.
Lost by half-a-point. Well, that makes the Cleveland win I had earlier all but a distant memory.
Tampa Bay at New Orleans (6.5). Incorrect.
I’m surprised that back-up quarterback for Tampa Bay did as well as he did. Was that because he’s that good or the Saints defense is that unreliable?
Tennessee at Indianapolis (18.5). Correct.
Wow, I thought the Titans would lost by double digits, not by a single digit. Either way I look smart (at least for this game). For Indy’s sake, I hope the Colts are just on cruise control and not reeling from last year’s playoff loss and the departure of Edgerrin James. Actually, if I had to get rid of one of Indy’s “Big Three” (Manning, James or Harrison), it would have been James. I’m starting to wonder if this might be Indy’s year to go to the Super Bowl. Back in the 1994-1995 season, everyone thought the Steelers would be headed to the big game, but they got beat by a Chargers team in the Conference Championship game. The next year, with just a fraction of the hype, they made it only to lose to the Cowboys. I’m getting a similar vibe with the Colts this year that I had with the Steelers of the 1955-1996 season.
Washington at N.Y. Giants (4.5). Incorrect.
Any week Emily wins is a bad week.
(3.5) Kansas City at Arizona. Incorrect.
The Chiefs demolish the 49ers at home, squeak by the Cardinals on the road and Arizona defeated San Francisco several weeks ago. I guess that’s why they place the games. Christ, now I just made a Chris Berman remark.
N.Y. Jets at Jacksonville (7.5). Correct.
Nice to be with the winning team during a blowout contest.
Oakland at San Francisco (3.5). Incorrect.
This is like the “Cripple Fight” of the NFL.
Dallas at Philadelphia (2.5). Incorrect.
Even though Philly played a much better game, Dallas managed to stay in it until the very end. I heard later Owens was acting like, Owens. I heard some talk about how Drew Bledsoe can’t win the big game, which is interesting to me because I remember him coming in for an injured Tom Brady in an AFC Conference Championship game at Pittsburgh a few years back and played rather well.
Pittsburgh at San Diego (3.5). Incorrect.
I went to bed at halftime. When I turned on the local news the next morning, the top story was the loss and whether or not Big Ben should have been pulled during the game. Let the “Roethlisberger Sucks” talk begin.
Baltimore at Denver (4.5). Incorrect.
I was right about Baltimore losing. I was wrong about the point spread. Shit, and I thought I had the Broncos in this one, too. C’est la vie.
This week’s record: 3-11. Cumulative record: 34-40.
Ouch. But at least I still have a better winning percentage (.459) than the Raiders, along with 13 other teams in the league.
7:30 p.m.
• So there is this poster WHOSE NAME WILL NEVER BE REVEALED UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH that is recapping his trip to some overpriced corporate theme park. Reading his entries of unforgettable family moments got me the thinking of the time I went to the Magic Kingdom.
I can’t remember how young I was, but my old man was in-between his second and third marriage. After he married my old lady, she divorced him (probably for good reason) and sold the house that he spent YEARS fixing up. Serves him right. Before marrying wife number three he spent some time with this other woman. He was with her for quite some time, actually. Enough time to completely renovate her basement into an apartment that she got to charge rent to tenants. Oddly enough, she dumped him afterward. If I were even somewhat observant, I’d be detecting a pattern here.
Well anyway, I was going to Disney World with him and Wife 2.5. I can’t remember if there were any other people with us. There might have been; I just can’t recall. Before going to Disney World we stopped at some diner for breakfast, which is surprising enough considering the old man HATES to eat out. Now I didn’t like eating eggs, especially ones that are sunny-side up. When that yolk breaks it just looks so … blech. I wanted to order this other breakfast deal that included a muffin and a few other not-so-messy items. This drove pops over the edge because I guess not eating eggs for breakfast is just one step away from turning queer. So he threw one of his usual fits of rage and REFUSED TO TALK FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. Now if this were to happen today, I would find it funny as hell. But when you’re a kid this stuff freaks you out. I also overheard him bitching to pseudo-wifey later that night when I was supposed to be asleep about me, which just did wonders for the rest of our time in Florida. The only thing I can remember from the actual trip was that Small World. And from the MYSTERY POSTER’s recap of this ride, it seems like not much have changed. But whatever, I’m on a roll talking about the old man.
For as crappy as every trip with the old man has been in my life, nothing could compare to the time he went to Florida with his soon-to-be-wife-number-three and her bratty grandsons. I think I was in 8th-9th grade when he asked if I wanted to go with him and company to Florida for another round of family fun. Vividly remember my previous experience many moons ago I respectfully declined. Can’t remember the reason: I think it was “this was my first summer not having to go to summer school in some time and I wanted to just stay at home.” Yeah, I was/am quite the scholar.
A few weeks later the old man called me and told me about his trip. Here’s what happened in a nutshell. They got a hotel some distance from Disney World. No surprise there. (What, you think I got my cheapness all by myself?) The grandkids got mad because they wouldn’t have breakfasts/dinners at the theme park due to the prices. Once again, no surprises. After a day or so the grandkids then called their mother (the daughter of my future mother-in-law) to complain. The next call was to a local Child Youth Service agency (or something similar). The AUTHORITIES paid dad a visit and said the kids in his care were citing abusive behavior and squalor living conditions.
Wow.
All I have to say is that after this experience, I think dad appreciated me just a smidgeon more than he used to. Sure I was/am a fuck-up, but damn… Damn.
Family – lol.
• I listen to Glenn Beck’s radio show every now and then from 10-11:30 a.m. in my market (about 2-3 times per week at the most). I guess I have to be in a certain mood for him; God knows what that mood is, though. Every Friday during the NFL season his show spends an hour doing this gimmick called “Moron Trivia.” What they do take a football game scheduled for that week (today it was Seattle at St. Louis), call several convenience store workers from both cities and ask them some current events questions. Whichever city gets the most correct answers from their clerks “wins” the contest, and more times than not what city’s team ends up winning the game. Basically, this is like those Jaywalking segments on “The Tonight Show” or that “Street Smarts” program. Did I mention that I hate these shows? Whenever these “let’s ask stupid people questions so we can all laugh at them” skits sprout up, I generally go “eh” and change the television channel or radio station. For some reason I was listening to “Moron Trivia” today, and one of the questions he asked these Quickie-Mart workers depressed me for some reason. The question was, “The stock market recently a) hit a record high, b) hit a record low, c) is another example of failure by the Bush administration or d) [something about John Kerry – I can’t remember what it was]. The convenience store clerks guessed that the stock market hit a record low. Now do you see why I don’t mind it when the mindless masses don’t bother voting? Seeing how most of these places have several newspapers that get stocked on a daily basis, I find it laughable that these people don’t even bother to read these publications; lord knows I did during my tenure at this job. (The other “Moron Trivia” questions for this segment was “What number month is October?” “North Korea recently launched what?” and “Who is Corey Lidle?”)
• Speaking of Corey Lidle, I got sick of hearing how he crashed his plane into a New York City building five minutes after hearing this story when it first broke. Yeah, it’s a shame and all that shit, but who gives a fuck if he played professional baseball? I guess if Joe Smith, an architect who recreationally flew planes, smashed into a building it wouldn't have been as big a deal. Talk about East Coast bias.
• Then again, maybe this is George Steinbrenner’s new way of dumping salary.
• Thanks to the mainstreamliberalpress, we are seeing Republicans get hammered for hitting on pages, accepting bribes and other types of bad stuff. Well, Medium-Large Media, where’s your outrage over this? We can’t have 61-year old men beating up people who oppose the grizzly practice of murdering the unborn and are, uh, dressed in cockroach costumes while at the ... Kansas State Fair. Man is election night going to suck this year.
• So Kathie Gifford is going to play Miss Hannigan in some hippie “Annie” musical. I’m sure there’s a sweatshop joke to be made somewhere in there, but it’s a Friday and I’m running on fumes.
• While kids in urban areas have to deal with drive-bys and life in the ghetto, their more rural counterparts have to deal with haircut rage. Uh, OK. How about if someone pisses you off you just stab them with the scissors instead of trying to take a little bit off the top?
• Wow. There are a bunch of gems in the latest batch of “odd” stories pile tonight. Last one, I promise. Although I have done a number of things to a customer's order during my days in the food-service industry, I have never peed in someone's soft drink. Now doing such a thing while off the clock? Well, um, I just hope the statue of limitations for that sort of thing has a short shelf life.
• You may remember me saying that I’m no fan of Christopher Shays. He’s a typical RINO whose only use is taking up space in the “R” section of the Congressional aisle. However, I have to give him props for saying the following, which got a laugh out of me.
I’m sure he’ll buckle and apologize for these remarks, but fuck that. And fuck Ted Kennedy.
• The Chicago White Sox got a sponsor for their weeknight game times for the 2007 season. Next year, all home contests will be at and sponsored by … 7-Eleven.
Call it corny. Call it a shameless way to make more money. Call it whatever. I call it brilliant. If I was getting paid seven figures (or whatever the deal is) to show up for work at a certain time, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
• I have mentioned before this program a local supermarket is doing in the Shittsburgh region. This store, Giant Eagle, is giving all shoppers with one of those “advantage cards” that many of these places have nowadays 10 cents off per gallon of gasoline for every $50 in groceries purchased. This program has been such a hit with consumers that another grocery store chain, Shop 'n Save, is copying this business plan and partnering up with Sunoco. That’s when you know you have a successful marketing idea; when your competitors don’t even attempt to hide the fact that they’re ripping off your promotion. Well anyway, when someone decides to “cash in” on this discounted fuel purchase they are allowed to pump up to 30 gallons of fuel. This apparently doesn’t suit one customer all that well because yesterday on a local RIGHT-WING RADIO show she was complaining that her car only holds 15 gallons of fuel and that other motorists who drive SUVs can fill up more with the discounted price. She then said it wasn't fair and that she should be allowed to fill up twice with her discounted price. Christ almighty I hate the human race.
• To complete my Quickie-Mart trifecta, I heard this local story about a convenience store employee who had shots fired into his place of employment the other night. Here’s the story. It was 2 a.m. in a not-so-nice part of Shittsburgh (yes, some areas are indeed worse than others) when these three guys entered and began complaining about the price of goods in this establishment. When the cashier told them that there’s nothing he can do, the customers began stealing stuff. This was when the clerk hit a device that locked the store’s doors, effectively trapping him in with two of the hoodlums. After some heated words the cashier unlocked the doors only after the customers put the stolen goods back. Shortly thereafter one of these upstanding citizens comes back into the store and fires off some shots – all caught on videotape. My question is why in the hell did the cashier lock these two thugs in the same building with him to begin with? Fuck that. If you don’t want people stealing from your store at 2 a.m. then don’t make your store open 24/7. There’s not way in hell I would even think about doing this sort of thing back when I was a cashier. If this shit happened to me, I’d just call the cops, who are usually nearby Quickie Marts anyway in the middle of the night – how many other places offer coffee and doughnuts at that time of night? With what cashiers make, there’s no way you should risk your safety because a bunch of idiots are lifting potato chips and soft drinks. The only time those doors should be locked like that is if one cashier is on duty and he or she has to be in the back room unloading and stocking recently arrived merchandise. Otherwise, leave that lock alone.
8:45 p.m.
• For as much as I want to goof on Joe Pa and Sappy Valley, I must say I’m impressed.
At least he didn’t blame the brake pedal for making his vehicle go twice as fast as it plowed into a car/pole/building. I saw him once while living in this shit hole. I was at an ATM machine and he was walking buy. Some guy said something to him and when he replied I turned and saw him. Uh, yay and stuff.
• So I finally got around to seeing “Wishmaster 2.” I liked it, especially with that goofy white guy being the “costume” for the bad guy. Please note I liked it due to the sheer awfulness of the whole thing. God, I have so many bad horror movies saved up on my DVR it’s not even funny. But do know what was funny? This.
“The South Will Rise Again.”
And sometimes, the IMDB reviews are funnier than any script out there.
• Now this is rich. Mexico is threatening to take the U.S. in front of the United Nations if we decide to build a wall between our southern and their northern border. Talk about a threat; I’m about ready to shit my pants in fear. Why, I’m sure America will get at least four warnings by the U.N. before getting a really mean letter sent to the White House by the Secretary-General. Hey, Mexico, you don’t like us building a wall between our border with you? I have an idea – let’s implement the same immigration policies our friends to the south have for those who aren't Mexican-born that live in their country. Some highlights to what I linked above.
Seems only fair to me that we follow Mexico's lead on this issue.
• So it seems Randy Moss didn’t take to kindly to what Howie Long recently said about him.
Uh, Randy, this former Raider is a Super Bowl champion, multi-time Pro Bowler and member of the NFL Hall of Fame. Pick your battles more wisely.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This guy who has several young kids from a previous marriage got hitched with this chick. His wife said to him before the wedding that she had been molested as a kid but it was only until after they got married that she told him the molester was a family member. Seeing how the caller is bringing several small kids into her family, he asked her who was the pervert. She refuses to say who violated her childhood but she insists that “he’s gotten over it,” adding that he only molested two family members.
10:15 p.m.
• So I had the Pitt/Navy game on for a bit tonight. My God how does Lou Holtz have a broadcasting job? And how can executives listen to him and think, "yeah, people would want to hear this"? He could get shit-faced before going on-air and you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. How could his players take anything he said seriously?
7 p.m.
• You know what got me irked about Matt Leinart? His whining about not playing quarterback full-time. I’m sure it’s an ego thing and shit, but Kurt Warner was playing better than you; be thankful you were in a situation where you had a teammate that didn’t mind splitting time with his inferior (at least this is how it seemed outside of the locker room).
Aw, too bad.
• I’m not a Yankee hater, but can we focus on the teams still in contention for a World Series championship?
• See, who cares about all this SCHIP contraversery? It’s not like the little bastards are getting decent care anyway.
You know what this means ... FREEGOVERNMENTHEALTHCARE.
Wait a second, what's this in the next paragraph?
• Speaking of losers, my crack-whore niece-in-law tried offing herself again this past weekend. Then again, telling her boyfriend-of-the-month via text that she took a bunch of sleeping pills probably isn’t the best way to fade out into a permanent slumber. God, just die already.
• One of the fun things about watching a movie you’ve already seen with someone who’s viewing it for the first time is listening to their guesses about how the film’s plot will unfold. A few nights ago the better half and I were watching “Saw.” While I had already seen this film several times already, this was her virgin excursion. Warning: SPOILERZ AHEAD. Toward the end where that orderly was being chased by Danny Glover’s character, Mrs. kkk began saying how there just had to be more than one person in on this conspiracy to put people in death contraptions. I just let her continue with her hypothesis of who the real killers were. When it was finally revealed that there was only one Jigsaw, and he was that patient in the hospital, without missing a beat she said, “I knew it had to be that old guy all along.” That old guy who was only shown on screen for about a second lying on a hospital bed? Uh-huh. In regards to the actual movie itself, I didn’t think “Saw” was that bad. It wasn’t as great as some people made it out to be, but it was nice for what it was. I haven’t seen the two sequels yet; “Saw II” is one of those films I’ll get around to one of these days, and I’m not even thinking about the third installment. Oh, and here’s a tip for all married guys – even when you are describing anyone of the opposite sex just to help your better half identify who this person is, don’t do it. Now I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but whenever the better half has asked me which celebrities do I think are attractive, I keep my mouth shut. However, last night I was off my A Game. Here’s the conversation that took place during “Saw’s” opening credits:
Learn from my mistakes. Lord knows I make enough of them.
• So it looks like Joe Torre is getting a stay of execution from George Steinbrenner. Whatever. I don’t care. Actually, I thought it’d be funny to have Lou Pinella come in and tear some shit up; it worked for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers when Tony Dungy got fired from that team and they brought in John Gruden. Now I’m a huge Dungy fan, but that team just couldn’t get to the next level. Tony took a historically terrible franchise and turned it around to where it was a playoff contender. However, whenever playoff time came, the Bucs just couldn’t get it done. When Gruden came in, he lit a fire just long enough to give Tampa Bay its first Super Bowl win. So even if Torre got fired this off-season in favor of Hothead Lou, I might not have agreed with the front-office decision, but I would have understood it.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This 19-year old girl says that she’s been seeing this guy off-and-on for three years and now she’s knocked up. Mr. Right says that he wants to see other people and has sex with other women before coming back home to have sex with her. When asked why she’s with this guy, the caller’s response is, “he said he loves me.” When the subject of getting that baby to an adoption agency comes up, the caller replies that she has “other ideas” because “my sister had one when she was 16.” Oh, and also because Mr. Right has told the caller that he wants to be there for the baby, too.
6:30 p.m.
• So I was never a huge AMG fan, although "P-Funk" has got to be one of my all-time favorite tracks because it used polka music used in this brief selection (still trying to find it on YouTube, but click here for an audio sample). However, what makes this great isn't the song, but rather the video and the comments that followed. Someone got served.
-- nice shit rip the great easy e
-- nice video
-- i luv this song
-- this is amg!!!
-- Good song, but not EAZY-E, check your facts. This is AMG, check wikipedia fool.
-- this aint eazy-e punk! its AMG
-- Dude this is eight ball and AMG who did this track, not eazy e
-- this is not easy e it is AMG you dumb fuck.
-- We al do know that's not Eazy E Rappin, right? RIGHT?!?!?! It's AMG From Quiks crew......Might want to change the title.
-- You stupid? It's not Eazy E, It's AMG, why do you think it's eazy e?
-- thats dj quik
-- You do realize this isn't an Easy-E song right? It's AMG, that's why he mentions DJ Quik. AMG is the artist. I love Easy-E tho, but you put up a song that aint even Easy-E's...uhh...ya. -w-
-- good ass song classic
-- AMG does this song.
-- Nice but its AMG
-- This song is by AMG, not Eazy-E.
-- Great song from AMG - not Eazy E.
-- was Eazy e really a part of AMG?
-- hi there love this song!
-- dude it's not eazy-e song...is by AMG..
-- its amg retard
-- man! only 3 comments that didn`t mensioned that it`s not eazy rappin
-- thats amg wit dj quick u fucken retard!@#!#!#!@#!# haha and u made all pictures of eazy e hahaha mental bitchhhhhhhhhhhhh
-- i love and my bitch ass mom better have my money
-- AMG
-- What the hell, This is AMG not Eazy-E! It's from the album "Bitch Betta Have My Money"
-- AMG not Eazy E
• A few days ago I was ragging on Shittsburgh’s Port Authority because they were, once again, whining about how they would have to raise fares if they didn’t get more tax money to keep their inefficient public transportation system chugging along. In that same entry, I also goofed on how the Allegheny County Council wanted to pass a public smoking ban. Well, as I was driving through this pristine city on the way to pick up the better half from her job, I realized that I probably inhale more exhaust from these busses in a day than I inhale from second-hand smoke in a year. Should a tumor ever develop in my lung, I wonder if I could sue the Port Authority for having their pollution-spewing vehicles closer than 15 feet in front of me? (This proposed countywide smoking ban would prohibit anyone from smoking within 15 feet of businesses.) Hell, since these busses spit out more toxic emissions than my car, I feel they should have to be restricted to their very own road, and that road should also be an enclosed structure so those that choose to ride in these disgusting vehicles have to breathe in their own exhaust. Hey, it’s my right as a motorist not to inhale these toxic vapors; why should I have to end my life early because these lumbering contraptions freely pollute our publicly financed roads? But you know who are hardest hit by this pollution? The children. Well, maybe not mine since I don’t have any, but if I were to have a kkk Jr., he or she would be hardest hit for sure. Hey, if states can sue car manufactures for polluting the environment, why can’t I do the same to our local public officials?
• I don’t care if the way Australian scientists want to curb the growing Koala population is by planting a contraceptive between a female’s shoulder blades; I want to keep the image in my head of these scientists putting condoms on these cuddly bears. Why am I imaging this I have no idea, but it sure scares the hell out of me that I am doing so.
• Now the GOP is really on my shit list – just as I started to get into on-line betting these bitches want to outlaw me from using credit cards, checks and electronic fund transfers to pay my wagers. You guys need to stay out of my bedroom. Well, actually I don’t care if you’re in that room because nothing ever happens there, but don’t you dare set one foot into my computer room.
• I remember when Farm Aid was started it was to try and help small, family owned farms survive; a nice, populist cause if there ever was one. Now these concerts are encouraging us to eat organic shit? Either the original point of Farm Aid has gone away, or Willie Nelson, Neil Young and John Mellencamp have given up. I guess the next evolution of this concert will be to encourage everyone in attendance to write their Congressperson to encourage the banning of trans-fatty foods (unless this has already been done – I’m not hip on the latest goings-on at Farm Aid).
• Good for you Arnold for vetoing this stupid bill that would have given California’s electoral votes to the presidential candidate that gets the most popular votes of the country rather than the actual state itself. We’re not a democracy, we’re a representative republic; it’s not my fault government schools don’t teach this to our youth. Then again, it might be funny to actually let this bill pass because I’d love to see the leftists, who support this idea, backtrack when these 50+ electoral votes go to a Republican candidate rather than to the person running on the Democrat ticket who would be more likely to win this commie state’s popular vote.
6:15 p.m.
• Well we donated blood at a local church for some kid with leukemia and afterward, Mrs. kkk fainted. This of course caused a scene much like the shit you see on any medical drama, only less intense. And with uglier nurses. Always got to cause I scene. She’ll live. What was more dramatic was when I thought there might be some trouble with the computer, only to discover I needed the mouse replaced. I’m such a techie.
I also took the day off work hoping to get in some good video-gaming, only to discover the better half decided to take a “me day,” too. Fuck. The only thing worse than when this happens is on Sunday when I have the football games on while doing odds ‘n ends around the house and I get to listen to her bitch “Is this all you’re going to do today?” Let’s see, what did I do yesterday while the games were on: Made 40 bottles of Crystal Light. Clipped and sorted through coupons. Did three loads of laundry. Exercised for 90 minutes. Computed the monthly budget where I document everything we spent and everything we earned. Made dinner. What did she do? Watch “Lord of the Rings.” Married life, folks. Someday this will be you typing.
3 p.m.
• So Swift Terror was bitching about the new Jew tactic teams are doing at the end of games when a field goal kicker is about to boot the pigskin and the opposing coach calls “time out.” I don’t really see the big deal. Yeah, it’s lame, but like Mr. Terror said, just wait until the “timed-out” kick goes wide right and the mulligan goes through the uprights. If the NCAA and NFL want to “ban” this, then whatever. The only thing I object to is the potential for injury when play is stopped right when the ball is snapped. Just let them play out the down and let them know a time out was called before the play. Besides, teams should know by now that the opposing coach will probably employ this strategy and just treat the whole thing as a warm-up routine. But to get “offended” over all this, which is what I’ve seen on a few ESPN/NFL pre-game shows, is just a bit too much.
10:30 a.m.
So when the baseball season began Al Keiper and I made predictions as to win totals for each baseball team. Time to see the damage. Teams in bold were correct predictions. Actual wins are in ().
Al kkk-eiper's picks
NL EAST
Philadelphia Phillies 88.5 UNDER (89)
New York Mets 88.0 OVER (88)
Atlanta Braves 81.5 OVER (84)
Washington Nationals 66.5 OVER (73)
Florida Marlins 78.5 UNDER (71)
NL CENTRAL
Chicago Cubs 85.5 UNDER (85)
Milwaukee Brewers 81.5 UNDER (83)
St Louis Cardinals 84.5 OVER (78)
Houston Astros 78.5 OVER (73)
Cincinnati Reds 76.5 UNDER (72)
Pittsburgh Pirates 71.5 UNDER (68)
NL WEST
Arizona Diamondbacks 77.5 UNDER (90)
Colorado Rockies 74.5 OVER (89)
San Diego Padres 84.0 OVER (89)
Los Angeles Dodgers 88.5 OVER (82)
San Francisco Giants 81.5 OVER (71)
AL EAST
Boston Red Sox 90.5 OVER (96)
New York Yankees 97.0 UNDER (94)
Toronto Blue Jays 86.5 UNDER (83)
Baltimore Orioles 73.5 UNDER (69)
Tampa Bay Devil Rays 67.0 UNDER (66)
AL CENTRAL
Cleveland Indians 84.5 UNDER (96)
Detroit Tigers 87.5 UNDER (88)
Minnesota Twins 83.5 UNDER (79)
Chicago White Sox 86.5 OVER (72)
Kansas City Royals 67.5 UNDER (69)
AL WEST
Los Angeles Angels 89.5 UNDER (94)
Seattle Mariners 75.5 UNDER (88)
Oakland Athletics 84.5 OVER (76)
Texas Rangers 81.5 UNDER (75)
Total Correct = 15
Al Keiper's picks
NL EAST
New York Mets 88.0 OVER (88)
Atlanta Braves 81.5 OVER (84)
Philadelphia Phillies 88.5 UNDER (89)
Florida Marlins 78.5 UNDER (71)
Washington Nationals 66.5 UNDER (73)
NL CENTRAL
Chicago Cubs 85.5 UNDER (85)
Milwaukee Brewers 81.5 OVER (83)
St Louis Cardinals 84.5 OVER (78)
Houston Astros 78.5 UNDER (73)
Cincinnati Reds 76.5 OVER (72)
Pittsburgh Pirates 71.5 OVER (68)
NL WEST
Arizona Diamondbacks 77.5 OVER (90)
Colorado Rockies 74.5 OVER (89)
San Diego Padres 84.0 UNDER (89)
Los Angeles Dodgers 88.5 UNDER (82)
San Francisco Giants 81.5 UNDER (71)
AL EAST
Boston Red Sox 90.5 OVER (96)
New York Yankees 97.0 UNDER (94)
Toronto Blue Jays 86.5 UNDER (83)
Baltimore Orioles 73.5 OVER (69)
Tampa Bay Devil Rays 67.0 OVER (66)
AL CENTRAL
Cleveland Indians 84.5 OVER (96)
Detroit Tigers 87.5 UNDER (88)
Minnesota Twins 83.5 OVER (79)
Chicago White Sox 86.5 UNDER (72)
Kansas City Royals 67.5 OVER (69)
AL WEST
Los Angeles Angels 89.5 OVER (94)
Seattle Mariners 75.5 UNDER (88)
Oakland Athletics 84.5 OVER (76)
Texas Rangers 81.5 OVER (75)
Total Picks = 16
Now I guess I could say that if I would have gotten just one of the 15 incorrect picks right, then I would have tied our board's baseball expert, but I'd rather make it sound more dramatic. If the Phillies would have lost just one more game we would have tied! Yeah, that sounds much better than pointing out some of my gems:
Arizona Diamondbacks 77.5 UNDER (90)
Cleveland Indians 84.5 UNDER (96)
Chicago White Sox 86.5 OVER (72)
Seattle Mariners 75.5 UNDER (88)
1:30 p.m.
• Now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day. This woman married some guy who always plays video games and Instant Messaging on the computer. They have one baby and thinks he should be more responsible. Uhhhh, I don’t think I want to hear the rest of this one…
9:30 p.m.
• You know what’s got me wondering. With the polls and pundits expecting a double-digit Obama win yesterday, and getting a way different result once all the votes were cast, how come I haven’t been hearing about voter disenfranchisement?
How come I haven’t heard about any far-sighted Jews talking about confusing ballots?
How come I haven’t heard about snarling police dogs keeping the three black people in New Hampshire away from the polls?
How come I haven’t heard about calls to nursing homes and flyers littering the plighted areas of town telling people that voting will take place on Wednesday, January 9 instead of Tuesday, January 8?
How come I haven’t heard about defective voting machines or erroneous tabulation counters?
How come?
I’ll tell you what. Seeing how I didn’t hear any of these problems after the 2006 elections, I must say that all that election-reform hooey really must have worked. It seems that literally overnight all of our voting problems were solved. Weird.
9:30 p.m.
• I forgot all about Major League Baseball's Hall of Fame voting results being today. Oops. I was going to do a candidate-by-candidate review of their respective careers, awards, win-shares and all that other stuff, but who really reads all that shit anyway? Instead, here is Al kkkeiper's voting ballot for this year's Hall of Fame wanna-bes.
1) Harold Baines -- No.
2) Albert Belle -- No.
3) Dante Bichette -- No.
4) Bert Blyleven -- No.
5) Bobby Bonilla -- Fuck No.
5) Scott Brosius -- No.
6) Jay Buhner -- No.
7) Ken Caminiti -- No. This guy was one of my favorite players when he was still in the game. I remember him breaking down on Jim Rome's show. It's a shame he died, but he brought it on himself, so fuck him.
8) Jose Canseco -- No. For some reason I've been liking this guy more and more. When he wrote that book a bunch of people dissed him for being a rat, but as it turns out, it looks like he was more spot on than first thought. Why shouldn't he make a quick buck naming names? The roided up players did much worse for their paychecks.
9) Dave Concepcion -- Hmm, no. This is an interesting candidate because being from Shittsburgh this guy gets compared a lot to Bill Mazerowski, who recently got in the Hall. Both were great fielders, but weren't anything special at the plate, unless it was Game 7 of the 1960 World Series.
10) Eric Davis -- No.
11) Andre Dawson -- Had to think about this one for a second. Err, no.
12) Tony Fernandez -- No.
13) Steve Garvey -- I'm leaning toward yes, but I think that's just because of the name recognition. I'm sure his stats will say otherwise.
14) Rich Gossage -- No.
15) Tony Gwynn -- Yes. One of my favorite all-time players. I like him even more now that I heard a clip on ESPN this evening in which he said that he's "sweating like a slave" while talking about his recent induction. Uh oh.
I never saw Tony Gwynn sweating as a slave, ever ... ever.
Is it OK for me to go out in the hot sun and perspirate while waiting for a baseball to get hit to me in the outfield?
Why yes it is -- that's why we were brought over to this country. We could pick cotton and hit baseballs out in the sun better than all those crackas.
16) Orel Hershiser -- No.
17) Tommy John -- No.
18) Wally Joyner -- No. I remember when he came into the big leagues he was some can't-miss Hall of Famer. I guess he'll just have to settle for being a millionaire.
19) Don Mattingly -- Like Garvey, I'm leaning toward yes, because I remember those years he had in the '80s. I'm sure other people who pay attention to stats and all that shit will outvote me on this one.
20) Mark McGwire -- Fuck all the haters, I'll vote him in. Does he deserve to go? I don't know. But Major League Baseball turned a blind eye toward players roiding up in the 1990s, so deal with it. I heard on Mike and Mike this morning that some sportswriter from Illinois turned in a blank ballot because he can't vote on any players from the "steroid age" or something like that. Get off your high horse. If you don't want to make a statement, give your ballot to someone else. Asshole.
21) Jack Morris -- Hmm, another one that gave me pause. He's probably not deserving, but I'll put him ahead of Garvey and Mattingly.
22) Dale Murphy -- I remember him from the Braves back in the 1980s. If he didn't get in by now he never will.
23) Paul O'Neill -- No, although I liked him as a player.
24) Dave Parker -- No.
25) Jim Rice -- No.
26) Cal Ripken Jr. -- What am I going to say here? Of course. I remember during his final years he wasn't all that productive, but whatever.
27) Bret Saberhagen -- No.
28) Lee Smith -- I dunno. I have no idea. Might as well ask that pseudo-baseball expert who stole my when-I'm-talking-about-baseball name via AIM.
Nice answer Al kerry. I'll say yes out of spite.
29) Alan Trammell -- No, although I remember him and Lou Whitaker being a long-time tandem in Detroit..
30) Devon White -- No.
31) Bobby Witt -- I thought he was still playing.
Regarding my Concepcion comment above, here is what I said about Bill Mazeroski's induction back in March of 2001.
11:30 a.m.
• Wow, what an incredible BcS game last night. Congratulations are in order to Boise State for being the only undefeated team in Division 1 College football. Wait a second, Boise State is not the top team in college football? But I thought all the non-playoff talking heads on television said the NCAA regular season is like one big playoff! Boise State is the only undefeated team in college’s top division. So then it’s only natural that they should be ranked first overall. And people wonder why I don’t give a shit about college football.
• I was driving home from work yesterday when a van in front of me had the following bumper sticker: “This vehicle was paid for by Union wages!” Uh, ok. So my scab money won’t be accepted by the local car dealership the next time I need to purchase a vehicle? Alrighty then. I wonder if the bumper sticker was also paid for by Union wages? Now that I think about it, was the bumper sticker itself created by Union labor?
• Remember my out-of-control niece’s suicide note I talked about Sunday that got in the way of my “Roadhouse” viewing? All lies. And the other times she has said that she tried to off herself? Lies. Like there was any doubt.
3 p.m.
• So I went to bed last night and woke up at 1 a.m. due to swallowing some snore spit down the wrong pipe and woke up gagging. Now this has happened a few times in the last few years, but this time it forced me to get up and head over to the bathroom. As I stood there lurched over the sink I realized it was time to hurl. God damnit. From the sink to the toilet. OK, hurry up, let’s get this over with. Christ I hate it when you’re anticipating the chuck. Just get it over with already. Here we go… BLEEEEEEECH. I should say BLEEEEEEECH 20 more times to give you the real-time account of how my night went, but that would be unfunny overkill…
BLEEEEEEECH
BLEEEEEEECH
BLEEEEEEECH
BLEEEEEEECH
BLEEEEEEECH
BLEEEEEEECH
BLEEEEEEECH
BLEEEEEEECH
BLEEEEEEECH
BLEEEEEEECH
BLEEEEEEECH
BLEEEEEEECH
BLEEEEEEECH
BLEEEEEEECH
BLEEEEEEECH
BLEEEEEEECH
BLEEEEEEECH
BLEEEEEEECH
BLEEEEEEECH
BL...
BLE...
BLEEEEEEECH
And the weird thing about this experience? I looked at what I barfed and couldn’t recognize anything. Weird. Of course, this woke up the better half and she asked if I was going into work in the morning. “Yes,” I said. “Why?” she asked. “Well because I threw up.” Seriously, put aside the aftertaste, you can feel pretty damn good after this ordeal.
8 p.m.
• Speaking of Blech, from what I've been hearing, it sounds like Obama will win the NH primary over Hitlery. Whatever. I'm more pissed with the candidates on my side at this moment. THIS is what I have to pick from?
I was recently talking to someone on AIM and realized that Obama is like the liberal’s version of W., but for an entirely different reason. Peep this:
Obama: articulate. Commies think he’s great. My peeps think he’s full of shit.
W: stumbles through words. Commies think he’s a dunce. My peeps think he’s just like us.
Oh well, at least Hitlery can’t bitch about the “glass ceiling” or people “afraid to elect a minority/woman.” Too bad the person leading her in the polls isn’t some old white guy. I heard Obama got some extra security. With a lead on the Clintons, I don’t blame him.
9 p.m.
• Looks like roids B-12 shots isn't the only thing that McNamee guy is injecting into people.
This story doesn't really affect my opinion of the roids case one way or another, but here's the rest of the story.
•
Now I think I'm really going to be sick.
8:30 p.m.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 43: Anglesaut
I don’t frequent the wrestling folders of this place; the same goes with many of those “The One And Only” threads talking about a baseball playoff series, or something of that nature. So when people complained about Anglesaut’s obsession with the New York Yankees, I turned a blind eye. (Or is it a deaf ear?) I will remember this banned poster for something he said, but it wasn’t posted in a wrestling or sports thread. It was in one of the many cookie-cutter current events threads that talked about some youth cretin tried to kill his family/teacher/friend/etc. You know the thread. This is when all the hate-mongers (like me) wanted this person dead while all the pussies wanted to give him counseling and hugs. In response to some “a 14-year old doesn’t know what he’s doing,” response, Mr. Sault replied, “I'm fairly certain that these kids knew that the fire boom-boom stick would cause boo-boos.” One of my favorite lines.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I’ve assembled to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From EricMM:
From SFA Jack:
4:30 p.m.
• Some free advice. When your better half asks you what you have planned for the day (Sunday, January 14) before her birthday, don't say, "watching football."
3 p.m.
• Let’s see how well I did with my Wild Card pickkks.
Kansas City at Indianapolis (7.5)
Well, I got Indy right. I predicted them to win and they did. I do feel bad for the Chiefs defensive unit though. My God was Kansas City’s offense anemic. I thought they might start the game throwing or doing some playaction since the talk I heard all week was that Larry Johnson was going to get 50 carries. I remember last year the Steelers started the game out unexpectedly by throwing a few passes to their tight end Heath Miller, and I thought the Chiefs might do the same. I was wrong. And the Colts really need to sign that Ty Law so he won’t intercept Peyton Manning in the playoffs.
Dallas at Seattle (3.5)
I was wrong. Seattle won, but not by more than a field goal. After watching that botched field-goal snap, I have to thank my stars that Romo didn't run in for a touchdown and instead got tackled before reaching the first-down marker. Good God, that play would be playing on ESPN in a continous loop.
New York Jets at New England (8.5)
Wrong, but it was an entertaining game. Even though I thought the Pats would win with a close final score, the Jets played them tough until that fatal backwards pass which changed the entire complexion of the game.
New York Giants at Philadelphia (7.5)
Poor Emily. I got this game right –– a narrow Philly win -- but what scared me during this contest is that I realized what the media coverage would be like should Emily and Peyton ever meet in the Super Bowl. Good thing that’s not going to happen this year. I still get the shivers whenever I think back to MANNING BOWL I all the way back in Week 1 of this season.
11:15 a.m.
• So there's a stink in New York City.
And how exactly is this news -- was there more cab drivers than usual on the road?
8:30 p.m.
• So I’ve been hearing about Roger Clemens and his hard-hitting “60 Minutes” interview. First off, I have to chuckle because I’ve heard more than one person go “OMG Roger knows Mike Wallace – not fair, soft interview!” So we are supposed to discount this interview due to media bias? How come when the same griping goes on in the political world the accusers are right-wing nut jobs? Well that’s because we are. Nevermind. Is Roger telling the truth? I don’t know and I don’t care. I will say this, though. For now I will take his word. Not because I believe in that innocent until proven guilty stuff. But rather if he gets busted for roids, I’ll have plenty of time to make up for saying, “let’s just wait until his dealer comes out of hiding.” But wait, Marian Jones and Barry Bonds did many of the same things – did you believe them? Why should I – they are black.
• Some guy from Ohio State just scored a touchdown on a 65-yard run. I don’t care who wins the BcS title, but I guess I’m pulling for Ohio State. I’m sure they have more white players than LSU, but a bigger reason is I sometimes get tired of hearing how one team is going to dominate a contest before the game even starts. By the way, will a college football fan help me out on this: what do those little symbols on a player’s helmet stand for – the number of games played/started?
• OK, I've had enough of these "productivity enhancer" ads. Go away.
6 p.m.
• Those wacky Democrats are already breaking their promises. Sound the alarms. From Drudge.
Actually, I really don't care how many days a week Congress works. The fewer the better, in my opinion. What I would like to see are all federal and state politicians not be eligible for pensions and shit after they leave their elected jobs. Politics wasn't meant to be a lifetime career, unless you started out as a lowly state representative and advanced every few terms all the way to senator or governor. I don't believe in term limits, but I can sympathize with anyone who favors them.
2:30 p.m.
• I was wondering when we'd get back around to the "OMG people are too scared to elect a powerful woman to office" talk. From some Jew at a Chicago paper.
So I guess if I don't vote for Hitlerly in '08 I'm afraid of powerful women. And the fact that she's the Anti-Christ would have nothing to do with my choice. Oh, and if we get our own Margaret Thatcher, rest assured I'd vote for her. Unless of course her tits were small.
11 a.m.
• So it was midnight and I was scanning On Demand and decided to partake in the awesomeness of Roadhouse, the bouncer flick to end all bouncer flicks. Just when Jack Dalton was about to accept an employment offer from the Double Deuce, I get a call from the mother-in-law, asking for Mrs. kkk. I told her that she hadn't returned home from work yet. Minutes later the better half called. Thinking something was up, I asked what was going on. My out-of-control niece-in-law had left my mother-in-law a suicide note. Whatever. Too bad she's too fucking lazy to actually kill herself. Turns out it was nothing more than an attention ploy. A whole bunch of shouting and fighting ensued between the 19-year old and the better half once she found her at one of her usual hangouts. I asked the Mrs. when someone writes a note like that don't they have to be committed or something? I was told yes. Too bad that didn't happen, but I'm not getting involved. I learned a long time ago to stay away from psycho bitches, even if my intent is not to stick my dick in one of their orifices. Hopefully, last night's action will cause the better half to disown her niece, much like Mrs. kkk has done with her crack-whore sister, who in an odd twist of fate, is the mother of the out-of-control niece-in-law.
But everything all worked out in the end. I did manage to watch Roadhouse before going to bed last night. And the sheer awfulness of watching this in all of its unedited glory has me yearning to view it in widescreen. "A polar bear fell on me." Jesus Christ.
• I can only hope this is the start of more lawsuits relating to the Duke case. When it comes to rape accusations, unless the accused is saying the rape took place 20 years ago, I give the accuser the benefit of the doubt. However, as this story started falling into place, it became clear that these students were being set up. Let the litigation begin.
I never thought I'd say this again, but you guys really ARE the Party of small(er) government. Of course that's not saying much.
I'm torn. On one hand I'm sure President Hussein could be bracing us for his New Deal/Great Society/Euro-Welfare-State, but on the other hand this could be a great strategy to make future deficits look good. "See, it could have been $1 trillion, but now it's just $700 billion." Mad props, yo. And lol on the "tighter fiscal discipline" crack.
9 p.m.
• So the better half decided to get a hobby and started reading those stupid Twilight books. Vegetarian vampires -- WTF? Since when does drinking animal blood instead of human blood constitute going vegan? Wouldn't a vampire have to drink chlorophyll or something?
Oh there's no way in hell I'm ending today's entry like this. ... OK, here we go.
Over in the draft folder there is a dinosaur draft going on. Now as I've stated before, I was all about the dinos back in the day. Why didn't I take part in this draft? Two reasons. 1) I don't post nearly as often as I once did here, which I guess is a good thing. It's not like I'm helping out in soup kitchens with this "free" time; I'm just wasting my life doing other meaningless things. How the hell did real men that built the foundation of this country do it? Manually constructing railroads, storming Normandy -- yikes. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Dino Draft.
My second reason is that I knew my top lizard would be taken before I had a chance to snatch him up, and I was right. I know it's petty, but there's no way I can participate in any kind of Dino function without my dawg the Triceratops. So, much like my pseudo-basketball draft, I will make my own draft. Unlike the b-ball experience, I'm not going to care if my other dinosaurs were already picked. How many rounds is this draft? Dunno. Let's just go with five.
Round 1: Triceratops.
My n*gga. Two long horns plus the mini third; by far my favorite dinosaur. I'd like to say how many replicas of this guy I had but I can't. No, I'm not embarrassed by the number -- I simply can't remember them all.
Round 2: Styracosaurus
I always liked the fancy horns jetting out from his shell. Not enough to pick him over the Triceratops, though.
Round 3: Monoclonius
The opposite of the Styracosaurus, I think this guy would be bad-ass due to the fact he only had one horn as compared to most of his counterparts and would have a chip on his shoulder.
Round 4: Protoceratops
Now we're going with NO horns. Sure he'd be in trouble with large predators, but his stomping ground was in the desert. In just about every illustration I've seen him in he was always going after scrawny two-legged egg-stealers -- should I be saying "she" instead of "he" in this case?
Are we detecting a trend here?
Those were my four favorite creatures from the Ceratopsian family. I really don't have anyone for the final round. I guess I'll go with another herbivore.
Round 5: Ankylosaurus
As if it isn't obvious that I'm a freak, here's some more evidence. I remember the wall-length poster that Ankylosaurus image is a part of. It was a timeline of sorts showing all the prehistoric eras. Damn was that one big-ass poster.
