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10/14: Magic Kingdumb

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7:30 p.m.


• So there is this poster WHOSE NAME WILL NEVER BE REVEALED UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH that is recapping his trip to some overpriced corporate theme park. Reading his entries of unforgettable family moments got me the thinking of the time I went to the Magic Kingdom.


I can’t remember how young I was, but my old man was in-between his second and third marriage. After he married my old lady, she divorced him (probably for good reason) and sold the house that he spent YEARS fixing up. Serves him right. Before marrying wife number three he spent some time with this other woman. He was with her for quite some time, actually. Enough time to completely renovate her basement into an apartment that she got to charge rent to tenants. Oddly enough, she dumped him afterward. If I were even somewhat observant, I’d be detecting a pattern here.


Well anyway, I was going to Disney World with him and Wife 2.5. I can’t remember if there were any other people with us. There might have been; I just can’t recall. Before going to Disney World we stopped at some diner for breakfast, which is surprising enough considering the old man HATES to eat out. Now I didn’t like eating eggs, especially ones that are sunny-side up. When that yolk breaks it just looks so … blech. I wanted to order this other breakfast deal that included a muffin and a few other not-so-messy items. This drove pops over the edge because I guess not eating eggs for breakfast is just one step away from turning queer. So he threw one of his usual fits of rage and REFUSED TO TALK FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. Now if this were to happen today, I would find it funny as hell. But when you’re a kid this stuff freaks you out. I also overheard him bitching to pseudo-wifey later that night when I was supposed to be asleep about me, which just did wonders for the rest of our time in Florida. The only thing I can remember from the actual trip was that Small World. And from the MYSTERY POSTER’s recap of this ride, it seems like not much have changed. But whatever, I’m on a roll talking about the old man.


For as crappy as every trip with the old man has been in my life, nothing could compare to the time he went to Florida with his soon-to-be-wife-number-three and her bratty grandsons. I think I was in 8th-9th grade when he asked if I wanted to go with him and company to Florida for another round of family fun. Vividly remember my previous experience many moons ago I respectfully declined. Can’t remember the reason: I think it was “this was my first summer not having to go to summer school in some time and I wanted to just stay at home.” Yeah, I was/am quite the scholar.


A few weeks later the old man called me and told me about his trip. Here’s what happened in a nutshell. They got a hotel some distance from Disney World. No surprise there. (What, you think I got my cheapness all by myself?) The grandkids got mad because they wouldn’t have breakfasts/dinners at the theme park due to the prices. Once again, no surprises. After a day or so the grandkids then called their mother (the daughter of my future mother-in-law) to complain. The next call was to a local Child Youth Service agency (or something similar). The AUTHORITIES paid dad a visit and said the kids in his care were citing abusive behavior and squalor living conditions.




All I have to say is that after this experience, I think dad appreciated me just a smidgeon more than he used to. Sure I was/am a fuck-up, but damn… Damn.


Family – lol.

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They called Child Services because your dad wouldn't buy them park food? Holy crap. I mean if he wouldn't feed them at all yeah I guess that's bad, but oh no he won't pay triple the value of food items. When I was a kid I was lucky to get an ice cream cone or one dessert item of some kind during a long day at a theme park. Sure we might get fast food or something on the way too or from, but actual in park food was such a rarity due to the prices. I bitched and moaned, but not to the point of calling the Po po.

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He didn't buy park food. He didn't take them out to eat. He didn't get a fancy hotel by the park. When we went on trips we usually got some crappy place miles and miles away from our destination. The old man would also just by food from a local grocery store. Frugal? Yes. Child abuse? Not even close.

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Damn, I thought shit like that (calling Child Services for petty reasons) only happened in recent politically correct f'd up times. Dat's messed up.


But wow, I feel for you and your crappy vacations. My childhood vacations were, while not fancy or extravagant, paradise compared to yours.

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The grandkids' mom is/was a social worker, so they're all about suing/complaining at the slightest thing. Funny thing is years after this event dad is still pissed about it. We would be sitting in the same room with these people and he would be going off about them to me while they were still sitting there. Several times it resulted in rather awkward moments.


And you know what? I don't blame him one bit. (FYI: This event happened sometime between 1990-1991.)

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This sort of reminds me of that story several years back where Maculay Culkin(sp), child actor from those "Home Alone" movies, called the police on his dad because his dad made him clean up his room. Although for what it's worth, I think your story is funnier. I bet that was a fun trip back home! :lol:

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