12/16: One Week Since "The Call"
10 p.m.
• So one week ago I found out that the pill isn’t 100 percent effective. Just what happened on that fateful day? Well, Mrs. kkk was at her parents’ house and then I got the phone call. You can figure out who is who.
“I have something to tell you.”
“OK. What is it?”
“I don’t want to tell you over the phone.”
“Then why did you say anything?”
“I don’t know. I just need to tell you something.”
“What happened?”
I wonder if she found porn on our computer?
“I don’t want to tell you over the phone.”
Wait, her dad just went to the hospital with some gall stone issue. Maybe it isn’t about porn on our computer.
“Is it health related?”
“Yes.”
OK, so her dad has cancer, but at least she didn’t find porn on our computer.
“Well what is it? You expect me to just sit here and wait for you to come home and find out?”
“I’m pregnant. I took five pregnancy tests and they all were positive.”
Maybe I would have wanted her to find porn on our computer.
All in all, the better half was shocked I took the news as well as I did. Look, I make no bones about my feelings toward children. However, we’re married, own our home, have decent jobs and have a rather comfortable standard of living (at least by my standards). I guess this is the next step or something. The biggest concern I have is for the health of the fetus (or “the bean” as Mrs. kkk calls he/she/it). My dreams of all this being one big mishap were dashed when we went to the doctors on Tuesday and everyone was just going about this like she was actually expecting. No, “well, your positive tests could have been the result of too much fiber” or something like that. No such luck.
We’re not sure when the actual conception took place, but right now the docs are guessing Mrs. kkk is four-six weeks knocked up. Here’s how fun my next eight months are going to be: When we went grocery shopping this week, she wanted some Chinese noodle dish. After we got home she said she wanted me to make it because she was feeling tired. Christ, she’s going to pull this shit now? OK, so while doing the dishes already in the sink I made her dinner. After slaving over the stove I brought her food out. I went back in the kitchen to make my dinner. Suddenly I see her running with her hand over her mouth into the bathroom. Seconds later I heard it. “BLLLLLLLLLLLLECH.”
Now come on – I’m not that bad a cook.
10 a.m.
• Since I’m doing GREAT this week, let’s seal the deal:
Arizona @ New Orleans (4.5)
I was going to go with the Cards, but I heard that several Cardinal receivers will be game-time decisions.
Atlanta @ Tampa Bay (3.5)
This one might be interesting to see in regards to how the Falcon players react to their coach leaving. How much more can these guys go through.
(3.5) Baltimore @ Miami
The Ravens shot their wad against the Patriots and got rolled over the next week against the Colts. Now will they come back with a vengeance against the Dolphins or will Miami finally get that first win? Christ, I don’t know. If I go with Baltimore then Miami will win for sure. If I go with Miami, then this will be another one of those weeks where I say, “they have to win SOMETIME” and the ‘Fins don’t. Well, because it’s always fun to see the Ravens lose, I’ll go with them, surely giving Miami its first win of the season.
Buffalo @ Cleveland (5.5)
You know, I was going to go with Cleveland. Then I looked outside and saw how shitty the weather is and figured it can’t be much better in Cleveland. Here’s hoping for a close game.
(9.5) Green Bay @ St. Louis
Uh-oh. Favre’s playing and it’s a DOME. Wait, he’s already won in a dome this year? OK.
Jacksonville @ Pittsburgh (3.5)
The Jags always play the Steelers tough, so I’m sticking with them. Steelers will score 17.
N.Y. Jets @ New England (23.5)
Once again, I’m hoping Mother Nature does a better job of keeping the Pats at bay than the Jets.
(7.5) Seattle @ Carolina
It’s Carolina at home.
(4.5) Tennessee @ Kansas City
I have nothing to say about this game. Uh, go Tennessee-D?
(10.5) Indianapolis @ Oakland
I have nothing to say about this game. Uh, go Indianapolis-O?
Detroit @ San Diego (10.5)
Here’s hoping the Lions pulled a “Ravens” where they put everything out on the field the week before and now are ready to get rolled over. Come on, Lions. Quit.
Philadelphia @ Dallas (10.5)
Most people have been talking about the Patriots wanting blood against the Jets. How about T.O. and the Eagles?
Washington @ N.Y. Giants (5.5)
I’m used to this by now. The Redskins will outplay the va-Giants for three quarters and Emily will throw three touchdown passes in the fourth quarter.
Chicago @ Minnesota (9.5)
Now that Minnesota is the TEAM NOBODY WANTS TO FACE IN THE PLAYOFFS, I’m wondering if they’ll cast a stinker now. Actually, I feel kinda bad for the Vikings quarterback. He was getting blasted early on, but I saw a stat last night that said the team was 7-2 when he starts. Uh, yay?
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