Oh, I'll do this one, too:
xkiller: I lurked in the days of xkiller, but I saw enough to know that he was the best troll this board, in its many incarnations, has ever seen. His occasional serious thread--some of which can still be found on this very board--threw you off his game just enough to make you think he might really be serious. Fucking hilarious, to boot. Grade: A-
DJ Jeff: I used to watch those Sally Struthers infomercials religiously--ya know, with the starving kids and whatnot. Seeing the pain and suffering of the children in impoverished third world nations always made me feel better about my situation. I'm so very rarely superior to most people (outside of message boards LOL), that I take pleasure in being able to stuff my fat American face with as many cheeseburgers and milkshakes as I desire, while those kids stared stupidly at a bag of wheat.
What I'm saying is that DJ Jeff should go on a diet. Grade: B-
I'll do the others later. Maybe.