The Czech Republic

Damn the statistics, bottom line is that he buckles under pressure. He gave up a 4-run lead before he could get a man out.

I don't think I trust Borowski any more than I do Hawkins. I have faith in Glendon Rusch, he's a great spot-starter and long relief man, and if he needs to, he can make decent contact as a hitter. Jon Leicester has done some good stuff so far, and I think he's a keeper for middle relief. The other two lefties, Remlinger and Mercker, are getting older and spottier, and it's hard to invest much in either. But I feel more comfortable with Remlinger. Here's something radical: Ryan Dempster to close. Everyone's been talking about his remarkable recovery from Tommy John surgery and how he's going to be great out of the bullpen. With Farnsworth a joke and Hawkins unreliable, why not try Dempster in the 8th and 9th innings? When he came back, the interviewers asked if he would close, and he brushed it off saying the job is taken. Instead of using him as a spot starter or long relief as the plan was before, just have him throw his best stuff out there for one inning and see how that works. Can't be any worse. So if it was my choice, my pitching staff would be SP Wood SP Maddux SP Prior SP Zambrano SP Clement LR Rusch MR Leicester MR Remlinger MR Mercker SU Hawkins CP Dempster No Farnsworth. And just 11 pitchers, because for the postseason, I'm agreeing with whoever said we need to pick up a Randall Simon or equivalent player to come off the bench, because a bench of Other Catcher, Goodwin, Other 2B, Macias, Martinez, is no great shakes. We need Hollandsworth back or else a better bench player.

No, Al, you're wrong! Like somebody just said, sure, there are relievers that may statistically look worse, but they don't MATTER. Rocky Biddle is one of the bottom 10. Big deal! He pitches for the Expos! The Expos were picked to do something between jack and shit this summer. Numbers-wise, the numbers just don't properly gauge Farnsworth's suck. 3.86 ERA? You can't go just by the stats, you've gotta just look at the key situations that we entrust Farnsworth with, and watch the batsmen get hit and the runs come in. He's not the worst in the league if you're a stat boy, but if you watch the high-profile situations, Farnsworth is the worst. He needs to be fired. Fired to send a message to the rest of the Chicago bullpen: when you come in the game, you're going to have to function under pressure. If you can't deal with the pressure, you don't belong here.

Obviously you've never heard of a little book called The Great Gatsby.

I hope this doesn't have the shelf life of the show itself.

You're pushin' it.

I'd tap that. Like a keg.

StripMole

Pshyeah real original I read that book last March

She looks attractive in the banner. Photography staff gets a gold star for that conquest.

Hey, Mole, I'm on a dialup so this is sloooooooow, the picture you post better end up being Lindsay Lohan and her amazing funbags to take our minds off this hideous woman. EDIT: It's not. You lose major points d00d

TerryMolea

Shut up, you foreigner. I don't post on the freaking message board all day..............you know what, I don't need to explain anything to a foreigner who is most likely a communist anyway Wow, that was cold. Cold as ice. I do enjoy your gimmick, by the way.

I think it was both. And Chip and Steve did not come off as impartial broadcasters in the late innings and postgame, they seemed legitimately pissed at the Cubs today. As for Sammy's excuse, I think he's blaming it on the spicy tacos he keeps getting at every break. You'd think he'd get it by now! I'm always yelling at the TV, all "NO! No Sammy! Don't do it! DON'T TAKE THE SPECIAL TACO! The White Sox fan is trying to sabotage you! The Pepsi goes straight to your hips, Sammy, it's only the quick fix! DON'T!!!!!!"

It was the blackest night There was no moon in sight You know the stars ain’t shinin’ ’cause the sky’s too tight I heard some scary wind I seen some ugly trees There was a werewolf honkin’ ’long the side of me. I’m mean and I’m bad, you know I ain't no sissy, Got a big-tittied girly by the name of Chrissy. Talkin’ about her and my bike and me On this ride up the mountain of mystery, mystery I noticed even the crickets Was actin’ weird up here And so I figured I might Just drink a little beer I said, "gimme summa that, what you're suckin' on..." But there was no reply 'Cause she was gone. "Where’s those titties that I like so well, And my goddamn beer!" is what I started to yell. Then I heard this noise, like a crunchin’ twig, Then up jumped the devil, he was about this big He had a red suit on, And a widow’s peak, And then a pointed tail, And like a sulfur reek. Yes, it was him, all right, I swear I knowed it was: He had some human flesh Stuck underneath his claws. You know it looked to me Like it was titty skin I said, "you son of a bitch!" ’Cause I was mad at him. Well he just got out his floss And started cleanin’ his fangs, So I shot him with my shooter Said: "bang bang bang!" Then the sucker just laughed and said, "Oh put it away! You know, I ate her all up...now what you gonna say?" "You ate my Chrissy?" "Titties and all!" "Well, what about the beer then, boy?" "Um...were the cans this tall?" "Even her boots?" "Would I lie to you?" "Shit, you must've been hungry." "Yes, this is true." "Well don’t they pay you good for the stuff that you do?" "Well, you know, I can’t complain when the checks come through." "Well I want my Chrissy, and I want my beer, so you just barf it back up now, devil, do you hear?" "Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man! I mean, I am the devil, do you understand? Just what will you give me for your titties and beer? I suppose you noticed this little contract here..." "You're goddamn right, you son of a whore--" "don’t call me that!" "--that’s about the only reason I learned writing for. Give me that paper, bet your ass I will sign, because I need a beer, ’n it’s titty-squeezin’ time." "Man, you can’t fool me...you ain’t that bad. I mean you should've seen some of the souls I've had. Why there was Milhous Nixon, and Agnew, too. And both of those suckers was worse than you." "Well, let’s make a deal if you think that’s true, I mean, you’re the devil, so whatcha gonna do?" "Wait a minute, a tinge of doubt crosses my mind when you say that you WANT to make a deal with me." "That's very very true." "You ain't supposed to want to make a deal with me." "Ah, but I'm slightly different than your average customer, devil." "But most people don't want to make a deal with me. What's your story?" "Well most people are afraid of you, they don't know how stupid you are. I happen to know that you jack off to a picture of Punky Meadows when you get home." "Rrrr! Stupid! Rrrrr!" "You know, ever since that guy told you he contained more fluid than Jeff Beck you've been trying to outdo him." "Rrrrr! rrrr!!!" "Look, I just wanna say one thing to you, this may not register right away, but let me say this: leave your pickle alone for a couple of nights, you know what I mean? Now come on! I'm only interested in a couple of things, and wait, is that a note for me?Is somebody passing me a note? What does that say?" Frank please do me a favor I can't find a brother of mine I could dig it if you could call him from stage. His name Dirty Tom Nomads, M.C. Signed, Thanks, Bear, or Bean. I can't tell. Well if he's out there, Dirty Tony, De La Nomads, MC, get in touch with Bean, or Bear. And as I was saying, Devil, I'm an average sort of a person, you wouldn't believe it, but I have a lot in common with the people here tonight." "Wait a minute I thought you had funny things growing in your hair and all that other stuff, write weird music, biker and everything, big-tittied chick you just had out here..." "Listen carefully to me, old devil." "Uh huh." "I'm only interested in two things." "Yeah." "See if you can guess what they are." "Well I would think, uh, let's see, maybe, uh...Stravinsky, and...um.." "I'll give you two clues...Let go of your pickle!" "What?" "LET GO OF YOUR PICKLE!" "I'm not holding my pickle." "Well who's holding your pickle then?" "I don't know, she's out in the audience. Hey Dale, would you like to hold my pickle to satisfy this strange man?" "You're probably wondering why we call it a pickle!" "......oh man..." "I'd hate to squeal on you, Bozzio, I mean, Devil, but look, I'm only interesting in two things." "Wait a minute, all I have to say is God help me, but I have this fucking mask on..." "Listen, if you think his mask looks bad, you oughta see his pickle! Now I'm only interested in two things, and that's titties and beer." "Titties and beer?" "Titties and beer. Titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer...." (explosion) "No don't sign it! Give me time to think! I mean, hold on a second boy, because that's magic ink!" And then the devil let go of his pickle And out come my girl, there was her titties Flop-floppin’...all around the world She said "I got me three beers and a fistful of downs And I’m gonna get ripped, so fuck you clowns!" Then she gave us the finger, it was rigid and stiff That’s when the devil, he farted And she went right over the cliff! Whoa, tinsel time The devil was mad, I took off to my pad I swear I do declare, how did she get back there? I swear I do declare, how did she get back there? I swear I do declare, how did she get back there? I swear I do declare, how did she get back there? I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?

Yeah that movie SUUUUCKED. Ye gods. The only benefit was I could run around calling everything in my house my "blanket of love," which normally wouldn't be (partly) justified like it was after watching the movie.

MoleObsessionOfTheMonth Mole-sonCanadian My Eyebrow Is On Fire

Sometimes when Chip and Steve note that Farnsworth is in the bullpen I swear I can detect a trace of fear and doom in their voices, like "oh shit, something bad is gonna happen"

He didn't have a comeback for that one. Back off topic, even though MoleMoneyMoleProblems was the peak of this thread: CelebrityMole Brian Moleroney Mole-atovCocktail MoleIContributedInAnIndirectFashionToThePrincePaulBullshitOfSummer2003

You forgot insulin.

Yeah, we're better off with the guy who is suspended rather than a ticking time bomb like Mesa.

Is this the same Mesa everyone wanted to snatch from the Pirates?

Oh by the way, Moises Alou should realize that one of the things that makes it hard to play left field at Wrigley, or any ballpark, really, is telling the umpire to go fuck himself. It tends to get you further away from the area you need to cover, precisely because THE OFFICIALS GET MAD AND THROW YOU OUT AND THEN YOU CAN'T STAND THERE ANYMORE AND TOM GOODWIN HAS TO TRY AND FILL IN. Spiking the bat in a separate earlier incident isn't good either.

CAN we trade his sorry ass? Not even the Arizona Diamondbacks would take this guy. He should be banished to the northwest suburbs and pitch for the Schaumburg Flyers or Kane County Cougars where he can grab his crotch in comparative solitude.

Yeah. The only guy I trust right now is Leicester, maybe Remlinger, because I haven't witnessed them making any massive fuckups on a grand scale. It's just an awful, awful bullpen, and there's gotta be something we can do.