justsoyouknow

A smokaholic wakes up in the morning and needs to smoke. I wake up in the morning and want to smoke. There's a vast difference. But Beau....I'm afraid you have an addiction. YOU'RE SPIRALING OUT OF CONTROL!

Shouldn't you be out smoking with your friends? You know, if you're smoking by yourself, you might be a smokaholic.

This was when he offended the rabbi and was sitting in his office. Larry noticed a picture on his desk and asked who it was. Larry: Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, that's terrible. Rabbi: Yeah, it's a tragedy. Larry: Was he in the building? Rabbi: No, he was uptown...57th street. He got hit by a bike messenger. Larry: A bike messenger hit him and killed him? Rabbi: Yeah. Larry: I'm....so sorry. Later on... Larry: Oh, I didn't know that dying UPTOWN ON SEPTEMBER 11TH counted as a part of the tragedy.

[Cheryl is reading a draft of her renewed wedding vows to Larry] Cheryl: "We'll love each other throughout this lifetime, but after death through all eternity." Larry: You mean this is... this is continuing into the afterlife? Cheryl: Yeah, that's the idea. Do you have a problem with that? Larry: Well, I... I thought this was over at death. I didn't know we went into eternity together. Isn't that what it said in..."'til death do us part," I thought it was... Cheryl: Do you have a problem with eternity? Larry: Well... Cheryl: We finally found each other, Larry, and we're celebrating this for all eternity. Larry: I guess I had a different plan for eternity. I thought... I thought I'd be single again. Richard: You'd better call me later on, alright? By sundown. Larry: "By sundown"? What are you... what are you, Gary Cooper? "By sundown"? What's gonna happen? Richard: That's funny. You know, I'm tryin' not to laugh, but that's funny. Larry: Yeah, okay. Richard: You better call me by sundown. Larry: "By sundown"? Is the posse gonna come get me? Richard: How could you not help a blind man? Larry: How could you say "blind man" in front of a blind man? Blind Man: Oh pleeeeeeease, don't... Larry: You called him a blind man right in front of him. Richard: No, I didn't, I didn't mean that in a bad way, no, I got... Blind Man: Oh no, no, no no... Richard: I meant sightless. I didn't mean... I mean I respect the blind as much as anybody, I... Blind Man: Oh, of course, it's not a problem, believe me. Richard: No, I didn't mean that in a, in a derogatory sense. I got my own problems, really... Blind Man: No no! Richard: ...and I'm a recovering alcoholic, I have, I have intimacy problems, so... Blind Man: Oh really? Larry: Poor guy. Terrible intimacy problems. Blind Man: Ohhhhhh. Richard: I do have problems! I had... Larry: Can't get close to a woman, it's a terrible thing! Richard: It happens to be true! I'm just sayin' we're all in the same... Blind Man: Yeah, right. Larry: We're all the same. He can't see, and you have intimacy problems. You guys have a lot in common, don't ya?

$3.50 on the Indian Reservation for a pack of Marlboro Reds. $4.25 if you're not on it....that's how it is in Arizona.

We've got the Askewniverse? quotes thread rolling along, so now let's get this one going as well. Best show of the past few years, IMO, so name your favorite Curb Your Enthusiasm quotes. Larry: "Look at this...I've never seen pants bunch up like this. It's like a five-inch bunch going on here! ...is this bad?" Cheryl: "Yes, it's bad. Do you want people thinking you have a constant erection?" Larry: "Is that such a bad thing?" Larry: "This is 'merc (commercial)!" Prostitute: "That's chronic!" Larry: "This is 'merc!" Prositute: "Have you ever even bought weed?" Larry: ".....all the time!"

If they're fake, they're not breasts.

My uncle was an osteopath.

I thought this was Malibu's gimmick.

Or maybe they realized the rampant stupidity around here. Honestly, there's only so many times you can tell someone that they're gay and still be clever.

I'm sure everyone's just afraid that they'll journey down to this folder and make an earnest attempt at a flame, only to be told that they suck cock.

I'm like Himmler's ghost over here.

He answered the question.

I had the coat hanger all ready to go, then I found out she was lying. I would definitely take being lit on fire.

You look kinda like Fiona from Shrek.

Wait until I get off work.

I now understand that you mean it as a term of endearment. Cunt. (Doesn't that feel good?)

I can send Inc naked pictures now.

Clearly you never had a secret clubhouse. You get pissed when people discover the location of it. And man, his secret clubhouse sounds badass. I wonder if it has a tire swing.

Cunt, please. This is just like when Dubbya declared an end to fighting in Iraq. Gangwarz ain't even begun. Cunt. (Look, I'm Chave!!!!)

Dumb cunt.

But if you let a woman beat the shit out of you, then you can at least claim that you're better than everyone else for not hitting a woman. Even if they never said they'd hit a woman, you can accuse them of being domestic abusers, too.

Nah. You're probably an ugly woman and I'd have fewer qualms about laying into you. -=Mike So you're going back on your woman-beating stance? Interesting.

...I turned 18 two months ago.

...soccer mom'd.