Kinetic

I LISTENED TO STEPHEN A. SMITH'S SHOW TUH-DAY AND HE GOT ME ALL WORKED UP. NOW MY VOICE IS GETTING SQUEAKY WHEN I WANT TO EM-PHA-SIZE SOMETHING AND I'M WHISPERING FAH DRAMATIC EFFECT. HOW COME THE ME-DI-A ISN'T CRUCIFYING ROG-UH CLEMENS the way they did Barry Bonds?

I heard on Glenn Beck's show that Obama's Illinois state senate voting record includes at least one instance of him being in favor of killing actual living, breathing, crying, shitting babies. The audacity of hope, indeed.

It would increase government involvement in our day-to-day lives. If I don't want the government insisting that I significantly increase my chances of surviving a car crash by wearing a seatbelt, why would I want to have to report to some Washington bureaucrat before knocking up my live-in underage girlfriend? But let's just assume for a moment that such a form did exist. What would happen in a case where you have an unplanned pregnancy and the couple's so-called License to Procreate was denied? Is Glenn Beck advocating government-mandated abortion?

That trade to get Trent Green didn't work out particularly well for Miami. The highlight of his tenure with the team was him being kneed in the helmet. Oh, and the Panthers cut Dan Morgan. It'll be interesting to see if anyone picks him up, as he has a history of concussions and has missed a lot of time over the years.

I'll give you the incomparable Michael Clayton for a 2nd round pick. How's that sound?

Congratulations to you for being an insufferable prick. I know, I know...the jokes get old, but the people who feel that they're superior for congratulating the people that they'll never meet for creating the children that they'll never see make me feel like such a jerk. May their children have reasonably-sized noses!

Seriously, though. "Age of Aquarius" is terrible. "Jingle Bell Rock" serves its purpose.

Kawalimus should be banned for being a fucking idiot. Oh, and "Age of Aquarius."

Psssh. I don't recall Stone Cold suggesting that a giant nose with tiny arms would emerge from Stephanie's snatch. Prove it.

From Stephanie's cooch will come a giant nose with tiny arms. You heard it here first.

Every dark cloud has a silver lining, I guess. After the disappointment of not getting the Redskins head coaching job, I was fortunate enough to be named MVP of the Pro Bowl, on account of my being the only person bored enough to watch the whole game. Whatta a honor.

Yeah, this system is pretty convoluted. Can't we have teams assigned to us at birth?

My ill-advised attempt to enjoy Badfinger has come to a predictable ending. This band sucks!

I'm going in to interview for the Redskins job today, guys. Wish me luck.

I'm not going to start another thread for "Most Amazing Comment of the Day at TSM," but this is it.

I can't remember the last time I listened to it, honestly. "Flawless" might have been a little hyperbolic, but it's a very good album.

The first Roxy Music album is flawless.

This year's New England team will be remembered, by virtue of having posted the only 16-0 regular season record in NFL history. Beyond that, their legacy is as the best single-season team to not win a championship.

The fuck you will.

As someone who lives in the South and couldn't possibly care less about baseball, I don't give a shit about any kind of New York-Boston rivalry. My issue with the Pats themselves is their incredible smugness. Beyond that, the only issue is the way that the media walks on eggshells around Belichick and just goes fucking nuts any time anyone on any team says anything that could even abstractly be interpreted as something that doesn't just assume that the Patriots will crush any team they play. Honestly, I didn't even really dislike New England until this year.

I was walking on air today. I haven't felt this good coming off of an NFL game in five years.

Bucs.

It's kind of bizarre and amusing (though soon to turn frustrating, I'm sure) that we're going to get an offseason full of "What's wrong with New England" and "How can they rebuild?"

That doesn't exactly live up to their earlier claim that Perfectville would be changed forever.

What a game. Regardless of whatever happens for the rest of his career, I will never speak a negative word about Eli Manning ever again.