Kinetic

Dinner: Tuna on rye bread with a side of unseasoned rice and a glass of water. After-Dinner Snack: Double Quarter Pounder w/ Cheese (no pickles or onions, extra cheese, packet of mayo) with fries and a Pibb Xtra.

This Pizza Hut's Game Face thing makes me think of you as something that I can win if I get credit for reading a certain number of books. But I'm sure you've heard that before.

There was a bit where the bear--I think--was stuck in a hole and was being sodomized by woodland creatures. Like a bit of a cross between "Winnie the Pooh" and Inc's forbidden avatar.

I have no idea what that means. What was it?

Exactly. They ripped me off.

The Georgia homecoming parade was tonight and work was really busy. We didn't have anything decent around the house, so I'm drinking peppermint schnapps. This is perhaps the lowest in a series of low points.

I was expecting more outrage, to tell you the truth.

You mean you didn't watch Duckman on its original home, the USA Network, on Saturday nights? All the while wondering why Jason Alexander would bother with this shit, not yet knowing the indignities that his post-Seinfeld career had in store? Then you haven't really watched Duckman, you see.

Queer Duck was about a decade later. It was not so good. At least the movie wasn't.

Which one of you fucking miserable cockgobbling Oregon cuntlaps did this? This was my idea, guys!

You guys should fuck and make up. It's the only solution.

Having the advantage of digital animation is much easier on the people that actually draw the show, but I kind of prefer the slightly cruder look of season 3-4 "Simpsons." Basically anything before that is unpleasant to look at, given how the characters eventually came to look. This could be based on the quality of the shows, I guess.

The biggest and most obvious problem with "Family Guy" is the incredibly sloppy way that they segue into those flashbacks. And the random bits, while sometimes funny, are almost never in service of the actual storyline. I've seen somewhere in the neighborhood of fifty episodes of that show and I don't think I could give you a decent synopsis of any of them. The stories exist to justify the flashbacks and "Star Wars" references and puzzling celebrity digs. "American Dad" is actually a lot better. "The Critic" always seemed like a show that was written around the idea that the movie parodies would be the real attraction. And I think Jon Lovitz is hysterically funny, but that show was pretty lame 90% of the time.

That's it. I'll never post here again.

There's no reason for anyone to know that.

Several Virginia Tech players are wearing Georgia Tech uniforms with various parts covered up with marker and their names handwritten on the back. There was a jersey theft, apparently. This is the weirdest season.

I sent letters to the respective fan clubs of Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, and Alice in Chains stating only that "(band name) RULES!" Sadly, it didn't occur to me that I needed stamps to make the process work, and they were returned by my mail carrier. I don't know why I didn't just ask my parents for stamps. I did later on become a member of the Gwar fan club.

Who the what, now? I've never heard of this guy before.

I liked Weird Al's singles, but his albums were filled out with hamster polka. Even at 8 or 9, I wasn't having that shit.

Zombie Benoit is a very popular Halloween costume in my neighborhood this year. Right up there with Michael Vick.

Gwar came second for me, after the metalheads I was hanging around with in Valdosta shamed me out of liking Nirvana.

Yes. Were I forced to choose between watching the Bucs and Cardinals or the Colts and Patriots, I'd definitely opt for the latter. Given that this has been the marquee matchup in the NFL for a few years now, I don't get why they don't just make it a primetime game every year until one or both of the teams falls off.

Nirvana. I wasn't especially interested in music until I was about 10.

Jason Sehorn.

I'll be in Washington this December, Rant. We could split a case, on me.