kkktookmybabyaway

• So George W. Hitler now wants terrorists to have a free pass into the U.S. via ports. Nice. It’s funny to hear people like Hitlery and Schmuck Jewmer sound like they are all about national security. Actually, I’m in a bit of a bind. Do I side with Hitlery or do I side with Jimmy Carter, who supports the President on this one? God help me. About the United Arab Emirates: I don’t know much about them. I remember some soccer tournament (I think it was the World Cup) and saw their team running around in those cute little turbans. I’m sure they hate us, but only two of the 9/11 hijackers were from this place, so I guess that’s not too bad on the Let’s-Kill-The-Infidels-For-Allah scale. Oh, and W., you haven’t vetoed a goddamn thing in your term-and-a-half and you threaten to whip out the ol’ Veto Pen over this? Didn’t do it with so-called campaign-finance reform. Didn’t do it with that Medicare Drug Prescription Plan. Didn’t do it with one of the several bloated budgets we’ve had since 2000. But you threaten to do it over THIS? Oy. But of course we’re missing the biggest point of all regarding this story: Forbidding the sale of a port is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male. • I wonder if these hippies that don’t believe in offing a convicted rapist/murderer share similar views with those pharmacists who refuse to sell the morning-after pill? For the record, I think if a pharmacist is working for a company they should have to abide by company policy. If that means giving out the baby-killing pill, then make the transaction. If the pharmacist owns the store, then he or she can sell what they want. Instead of getting the State to off a criminal, and waste millions of dollars in appeals and retarded “protests” like this, can’t we just let the private sector take care of this? Give Bubbba a carton of smokes and leave him alone with the condemned in the shower room for 15 minutes. Case resolved. • I hate these kinds of articles: Since when do health-care costs go down? Christ, these are just as bad as when the local media do stories about the increase in cable costs or the annual rise in university tuitions. The real story would be if these costs went down. • Detroit is, surprise, having money troubles, and this means that the city is being forced to sign over its zoo to a third party. No, I’m not talking about Section 8 housing. I’m talking about lions and tigers. Er, wait a minute. I’m not talking about the city’s sports teams either. I’m referring to that community that fences in all those wild animals. There I go again talking about Section 8 again. Damn. Well, anyway, one of the council members, Martha Reeves, is thinking that some RACISM might be involved, saying, "The symbolism is that Detroit is a black city and that we’re unable to govern ourselves. So we need an overseer, the state legislature, or what have you, to step in and tell us what we must do and how to do it." Uh, Martha, have you ever been to Shittsburgh? They’re not much better than Detroit. Actually, Detroit is one of the few cities Shittsburgh can still make fun of. Anyway, over here in PA my area has had to have a state oversight board because this place still lives and spends like it’s 1970 and the mills are humming along. Hell, on the other side of Pennsylvania, the Philadelphia school system got taken over by the State due to their incompetence. So before you go using the RACISM card, take a trip to Shittsburgh and see for yourself that whites can ruin a city just as good as your people up in Motown. Oh, wait. I said "your people," which was intended to talk about Detroit's city council, not black people in general. Oh dear, I hope that doesn't make me a RACIST.

Now are you happy to have your area represented by the Party of freedom and opportunity, or do you want some PC hippie faggot? Is Rancho Cucamonga in Orange County?

It’s funny. For as much bitching as I do with Shittsburgh and the state of Pennsylvania in general, I’m for the most part content with my state legislators. My Rep is one of two Democrats I voted for in the ’04 election. James Casorio may be a Democrat, but he’s OK. Besides, he’s extremely popular in the area so it’s not like I have much of a choice in this matter. Generally, he’s not that bad, although he pissed me off a bit by supporting some hippie spending plan for the state’s environment that is nothing more than a waste of money. My State Senator is another matter, and I’m glad to be one of the evil Neo-Cons or whatever we were called who booted out the former State Senator of this area last election. Bob Regola, who from what I read was a fairly conservative Democrat that turned Republican to have a run at my district’s former incumbent, some liberal weenie named Alan Kukovich who was a bum-chum of Governor Ed Rendell. You want to raise taxes? Fine. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, which is what it did. Actually, there’s a funny story to my voting experience in ’04 regarding Regola/Kukovich. When the better half and I pulled up to the voting precinct, which was some local VFW, some pro-union clown standing by a pickup truck with a John Kerry bumper sticker on it got in our way. As we were heading into the voting room he tried to give Mrs. kkk and me some literature on Kukovich, which I outright refused and said to him that we were voting Regola. Fuck that shit. I’m not going to be intimidated by some schmoe letting us know who he wants us to vote for. He replied with some grumbling and started bitching about how Regola was the worst thing since the Anti-Christ (or George W. Bush). I then said, in a raised voice just a notch or two below a full-blown shout, “Kukovich can lick my nuts.” I made this statement right when the better half opened the VFW’s front door, and when I turned around I saw the little old ladies manning the polls with a look of fright/disgust on their faces. Oh well. Politics is an ugly game. Anyway, yesterday Regola sent me some questionnaire about my feelings on a number of issues. Now some of these letters are just fundraising tools, but this one was legit, especially since there is no card asking me how much I would like to give to the GOP. I thought I’d share the questions with you and my responses just to show how RIGHT-WING I really am. I just gave my response below; even if you graduated from a government school you should be able to figure out most, if not all, of the issues I was asked. 1) Keep the minimum wage at the federal rate. (Get another job if you don’t make enough money) 2) I don’t care if PA allows hunting on Sundays. 3) Spending caps are important to make sure that government lives within its means. This one was a bit tricky for me because I can understand having to borrow (look at our president -- ugh) but the other answer I couldn’t in good conscience approve because “Rely on the Governor and Legislature to establish budgets that meet the needs of the Commonwealth” was just too much, even for me. 4) I support photo ID requirements to vote, although really any form of ID would be fine by me. Of course, this is considered RACIST. 5) I have no opinion on casino gambling. (Building casinos won’t really help the region, and it will probably hurt it, but if idiots want to throw their money away, that’s up to them.) 6) Smoking bans are already too stringent. 7) Residents who order out-of-state wine shouldn’t have to deal with the PA Liquor Control Board. Basically, the only booze you can get in PA is through these state-run stores, and they’re a freaking joke to begin with. 8) I have no opinion on how PA is coping with terrorism. If they want to blow up Shittsburgh, let them. 9) Maintain existing growth and develop laws when it comes to open space preservation programs. (There was no entry for “cut funding” so I had to go with the status quo.) 10) Building a high-speed rail connection is a nice idea, but it will take about 100 years to create and make Boston’s “Big Dig” look like an impulse buy on a pack of gum while waiting in line at the grocery store. So there you have it. Now if you will excuse me, I have some abortion clinics to bomb.

Don't be dissing "Pops" you RACIST. We-are-Fam-ily. Actually, say what you want. I heard Willie was a real asshole. Someone didn't watch that All-Star game a few years ago.

In yesterday’s blog entry, Swift Terror mentioned his experience as a Blockbuster Customer Service Representative and commented on the chain’s hard-on with late fees (I heard they have shifted their “two-days-and-it’s-late policy, but I’m not sure on this). Personally, I had no problem with a store’s late fee policy as long as I was told when the movies were due back. Look, if you think it’s lame to rent a video with an inconvenient return date, then don’t rent from that place. So you put the DVD in the drop-off bin at five after midnight when it was due at exactly midnight – too bad. Pay the fine and learn from it. The only time I was ever late on a Blockbuster rental was when I lived in Ohio a few years ago. We were given a Sunday noontime deadline, and the better half and I finished watching the movies we rented late on a Saturday night. I said that since I was still relatively awake that I would make the 10-minute drive to Blockbuster and drop off the rentals. Mrs. kkk said not to bother with them, that she’d drop them off after she got back from church Sunday morning. With that said, she went off to bed and I went off to doing God knows what. The next morning I woke up at around 10 a.m. and went downstairs for breakfast. The better half had left for church, and with my car in the shop I was stranded in our townhouse. Then my eyes picked up the four DVDs from Blockbuster still on our living room entertainment stand. Yep. I figured as much. And of course she didn’t get back home until 11:55 a.m. When I reminded her of what she said the night before, she replied, “Well you take them back and I’ll pay you back the fine,” which I did (and oddly enough, I’m still waiting for this reimbursement, among the other IOU’s she has put on her tab). Despite being 10 minutes late on the rental I still had to pay more than $10 in late fees. There are two good things that came out of this experience. The first one was that I learned it was a better investment to just own any movie I was interested in seeing. If you get a film when it first comes out, it’s not a bad deal (although if you wait a while longer you can usually get it at a better price). If you watch the movie 2-3 times over the course of owning the title (including viewing the special features), then I’d say you came out ahead in the end. If you absolutely hate the movie after viewing it, just sell it at a used CD/Movie store for a few dollars. Either way, it’s a better value than just renting it and feeling rushed to turn it back. The second good thing that came out of this experience was that I had one of the greatest conversations ever with a CSR. I entered the store at about 12:10 p.m. and told this teen-age puke that I knew I was late with the movies. I guess the kid thought I was trying to weasel out of paying the fines, which I wasn’t, although I did mention why they were late. (I don’t know why I did this; I usually don’t engage in small talk with cashiers, but I guess I needed to vent or something.) The cashier was just zoning out saying “yeah, uh-huh,” and typing away on the keyboard in front of him (which is what I would do in that situation, too, so I didn’t hold this against the kid). Figuring I might as well see if he’s actually paying attention, I then said, “And somebody’s going to get a beating when I get back home.” He looked up at me and said, “Dude, you don’t have to beat her; just have her pay for the next movie rental.” I said, “Why, when hitting her is so much more fun?” I got no response back, but I did see him looking at me as I drove off. Oh, and I’m suddenly reminded of another “incident” that took place in Ohio just to show that the better half isn’t a pure as the wind-driven snow. (There are many stories, including the time I told a bagboy to get cancer, but for some reason this one just came to my mind.) We were leaving a restaurant called O’Charley’s, which is kinda like an Applebee’s or a Friday’s, but a few notches above them, in my opinion (It’s a shame they’re not in the Shittsburgh area). Well, we were walking out to the car and I was carrying the better half’s doggy bag. I was being an idiot and either not giving her the car keys or the Styrofoam container; I can’t remember which. But I do remember what happened next. As we were on opposite ends of our car, a van with a couple and their young daughter had just pulled into the spot next to where the better half was standing. Right when the van door opened and the little kid was getting helped out of her car seat, the better half shouted, “Give me that now, asshole!” Like a parrot, the girl behind her said, “Yeah, asshole!” My jaw dropped, although the better half didn’t hear her say it. The kid’s parents did though. In Mrs. kkk’s defense I don’t think she knew there were people behind her, but so what? It was still funny as hell.

I should have said that while I don't think Baines was as "valuable" as other stars of his time, he was like Raines to me in the sense that when I looked at the back of his baseball card and saw his numbers I thought "why haven't I heard of this guy?"

What is wrong with some people? Yesterday afternoon I headed over to Kmart to pick up an early edition of a Sunday newspaper; I felt like browsing through the weekly circulars and coupons early. When I arrived, I took one newspaper and then scoped out which aisle would be the shortest wait. Even though this store had more than a dozen checkout lines, only three were in service. The first aisle had a line three deep, and the old lady with a number of clothing and cleaning items was in the midst of writing a check. The next open aisle wasn’t much better, but the third one looked to have the most promise. Even though there were about a half-dozen people occupying this aisle, they were one white-trash family, and their purchase didn’t look to be that big. Then of course the other three heathens from this clan brought their items up to the register. No problem, though. I scanned the magazine/booklet selection and started reading a “Cats for Dummies” booklet. Whenever you have the opportunity, I recommend you start reading materials off the shelf while waiting in a long checkout line. Not only does it pass the time away, but if you’re lucky enough you can browse through the latest edition of the Weekly World News. Of course this line took much longer than I had expected, but it wasn’t a terrible wait. However, if I ever planned on making a quick purchase, I surely didn’t want to spend an inordinate amount of time waiting in line to make a simple transaction. I think that’s what pisses me off about waiting in lines sometimes. You stand there for what seems like an eternity while some old had tells the cashier she has “exact change” but then spends 20 minutes going through her purse to find it. Or, like in this situation, you’re stuck behind some redneck or ghetto family that has zero organization when it comes to paying for a bill that involved several children piling up anything they thought they could get away with on the conveyor belt. But I digress. So of course my transaction took about 10 seconds to complete, and then I noticed this store had a special lottery/cigarette section where some lady was selling Instant Win lottery games to a customer. This intrigued me because this section’s service light wasn’t turned on. After this customer was taken care of, I approached the cashier and asked if I was to make a small purchase such as a newspaper if this lottery station would be able to make the transaction, so I wouldn’t have to wait in a long line. The reason I asked this is because I remember what it was like for stupid customer to just go up to an empty checkout line and expect someone to wait on them there. Well after I made this inquiry, the following conversation transpired. “Yes, if you have a small purchase you can take it here or at the customer service desk if they’re not busy.” “OK. Thanks. The reason I asked was because your register’s light wasn’t on, and I didn’t know if this was a full-time register or not. I don’t come in here that often and didn’t know Kmart’s policy on this sort of thing.” “That’s not a nice thing to say!” “What are you talking about?” “You saying you don’t come in here often.” ”Well I don’t. Maybe if you guys had the lowest prices on your merchandise I’d come in more.” “Just leave.” “Fine. And you can kiss my ass on my way out.” Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with some people? I said I don’t come into Kmart all that often and you throw a shitfit? (And no, she wasn’t kidding when she said, “That’s not a nice thing to say!”) I have nothing against Kmart, but I wouldn’t buy my clothes there, and many times the products they offer are not the lowest price in the area. When I worked retail jobs and someone would make a smart-ass remark I’d just stand there straight-faced and say, “OK. Bye.” I don’t know if a customer is trying to be witty or serious when they tell a McDonald’s employee that “they sure could go for a Whopper,” (which happened to me a few times when I worked at the Golden Arches), but either way I just stand there and refused to play along. God I hate customers. And Customer Service Workers aren’t much better. Blog Plugs • Bored decided to give the 1987 NL MVP award to Tim Raines. Who am I to stop him? I’m not that much into baseball to remember what happened 19 years ago, but I do agree that Tim Raines was an extremely under-appreciated player. I remember as a kid going through my baseball card collection, looking at Raines’ stats and wondering why his card wasn’t worth more money, according to that Beckett pricing guide. Oh, another guy who seemed to be a good player that didn’t seem to get enough props was Harold Baines – am I nuts or do I have a point with this one? • I don’t follow pro wrestling anymore, but I do remember when Lance Storm made a comment on his Web site about the Death Valley Driver board. Thanks to Sensei John Kreese for bringing back this memory. I also agree that the Undertaker losing at his last Wrestlemania would give a tremendous rub to the person who scores the pinfall. The question is when exactly does a pro wrestler actually retire?

Looks like the U. of Cal system ruled the school. Nice to see the better half's higher learning universities go in (PSU, Dayton). Is one of those two profs at Sappy Valley that hippie who wants pot legalized and got arrested for it? And let's not forget, a professor isn't dangerous unles he or she is employed.

Of course he was a bad pick, but in the end it didn't hurt Detroit.

Oh, the F5 days. Those were some good times. ... To read those threads, not hitting the F5 button. Yeah.

They probably would have been, but we'll never know. Maybe Wade would blow his knee out and never be the same. Perhaps Anthony would have pissed off a teammate and created a locker room stir. I think the Pistons should have drafted someone more "proven" than Darko, but you can't complain with what they have done since that draft on the court. Now if the Cavs would have drafted Darko, that would be another story.

• Whenever I wake up early on Saturday mornings, I usually turn on those hippie financial shows on the FAUX NEWS CHANNEL (lolz) and listen to a bunch of people tell me how I should invest my money. This morning I got to see pro wrestler Bradshaw (or whatever he calls himself these days) give some investment tips, and he wasn’t that bad. In fact, out of the several people on this show he was the most professional one there, aside from his “Brokeback Mountain” reference to some company called “Bronco Drilling.” The other people on this show were too busy making wrestling remarks and came across as idiots. “OMG Bradshaw, the other guy sure BODYSLAMMED your stock tip.” “He doesn’t agree with your take on off-shore investments, don’t put him in a HEADLOCK?” Yeah, we get it, he’s a wrestler; we went through all these clichés when Jesse Ventura became governor. • Finalists eligible for the NBA Hall of Fame came out, which is interesting because I didn’t realize this even existed. I also have no idea who is currently in this Hall, nor do I know what the process is in order to get inducted. It’s odd that a league which has been known for its stellar marketing and promotion of it’s players hardly registers a blip on the public relations screen for this event, which is always a front-page story whenever the NFL or MLB announce their annual inductees. • There are some things that the better half and I disagree on. For example, whenever I have the remote control and channel surf, I zoom from station to station; she always complains because she never knows what’s on any of the channels I click right past. However, when she gets control of the remote, she stays on every goddamn station for 5-10 minutes, even the ones that you know are stinkers, like the 20 home shopping networks, the dozen Jesus channels that are hitting you up for money so Africans can learn about God or those public access stations that play oldies music while giving you the current temperature. Of course the only exception to her lengthily examination of each television program on the air is when there’s a sporting event on; she’ll click right through that, not even giving me time to see what the score was. Anyway, I just discovered another thing that we disagree upon: the dishwasher. I never use nor trust these things, and I didn’t know why for the longest time. Maybe it’s the stupid guy thing about having a machine do something that I’m perfectly capable of performing (I’ll cut the “A real guy wouldn’t be doing dishes” line off at the pass and say it already so you don’t have to, ditto any “vibrator” references). Perhaps it’s because the first time I ever used a dishwasher I didn’t close it all the way and spent have the night cleaning up the soapy mess on the floor. Earlier this month I think I may have discovered what the real reason is; while making myself dinner I went looking for a dish to put my food upon. The problem was there were no dishes in the cupboard. I asked the better half where the dishes were and she said, “In the dishwasher, stupid.” I went to get one out and she said that they weren’t clean yet; we needed to fill up the dishwasher before running the machine. Of course, in the meantime, while we fill up that cup section of the dishwashing machine I guess we’ll just have to eat our main entrees on the living room carpet, next to the cat chew toy shaped like a butterfly. After I cleaned off a plate and ate dinner I went to put the plate back in the dishwasher. It was at this she yelled to me, “What are you doing?” “I’m putting the dish in the dishwasher.” ”But you have to rinse it off first.” “Huh?” So in order to wash anything in the dishwasher you have to rinse it off first in the sink? Well with a little more effort you can clean the goddamn thing entirely. When I brought this up to the better half, I never really got an answer, which of course means I was wrong for asking the question in the first place.

I didn't realize the Yanks were only two games out that year. Too bad the Blue Jays always choked in the postseason before 1992.

• You know what's funny about reporters? For as much as they put others in the spotlight, they are pretty shitty in it as well. For example, last night I was watching some channel that is run by the state of Pennsylvania, and on it they had this interview with several reporters from the Shittsburgh Tribune-Review. Christ almighty, none of them could put together a decent thought without saying "um," "uh" or "hmmm" more times than a professional athlete being interviewed in the locker room. • As I said yesterday, I don't care much for the Olympics. However, something I hate more than the Winter Games is Bryant Gumbel. Throughout the years, he has constantly said his share of stupid things, and a recent clip on HBO's "Real Sports" only adds to his impressive resume. His latest effort? Golly gee, why don't you think there are a lot of blacks at the Winter Olympics? Could it be that it's hard to form a bobsled track in the Sahara? I'm sure trying to play a game of ice hockey would be a bitch when the water in the lake you're waiting to freeze over is free-flowing and filled with hungry crocodiles. I don't know if he was trying to be funny or controversial or what, but he showed to us what he does best: be an idiotic asshole. Do I expect anything to happen to him other than a few RIGHT-WING RADIO hosts and Web sites go apeshit? Of course not. I will just use a line from writer Julianne Malveaux and her opinion about Clarence Thomas to voice my opinion toward Gumbel. Because Malveaux is a black liberal, this is a good line to use when you don't want to be accused of being a RACIST. Oh, and you want black people at the Winter Games? You got them. Or at least him. • The Detroit Pistons finally called it quits and traded their first-round bust Darko Milicic to Orlando for some guy who they won't re-sign next year. This trade was made to free up salary cap room in order to sign some of their vets who will become free agents in the near future. On any other team, the general manager who picked Darko over Carmello Anthony or Dewayne Wade would get run out of town (media reports also lump in Chris Bosh in with this group, but I don't know much about him so I won't comment). However, I think Joe Dumars has earned a few "Get Out Of Bad Decisions Free" card, what with his teams reaching the NBA finals for the last two years. Instead of asking what the Pistons would be like with Anthony or Wade, the question ought to be would Detroit have won a championship and being one game away from winning a second title without the starting five Dumars assembled? • George Clooney’s costume from that "Batman and Robin" movie is going to be auctioned. Some people think the suit could go for $100,000; any proceeds should go to people that bought a ticket to see that piece-of-shit film. When I saw it in the theater, I was with my one friend and we had this little brat sitting behind us. This heathen was so freaking annoying, and the kid’s parents weren’t much better. However, this kid’s redemption came late in the movie when there were some multi-angled shots of Alicia Silverstone putting on her skin-tight Batgirl outfit. After seeing various shots of her tits, ass and everything in-between, the kid behind us asked his parents, “Is that Robin?" That was worth the price of admission alone. Then again I worked at a theater during this time, which meant I saw this movie for free. I won't ask for a refund, but you better not after reading this crap I post.

I got my $5 in the office pool. I don't think I'll win, but I know if I don't contribute then my co-workers will get the right numbers for sure. Fuck that. Don't know what I'll do. Probably donate it to the needy. Sorry about that.

I think it does, if you can get the opponent frazzled. If you can disturb the psyche of someone, making them miss a vital free throw, then that's what they call the home court advantage. I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying it's funny as hell. And after all, calling someone a homo is one of the worst things you can do to a Musli... err... athlete.

And speaking of Stanford.

• This was odd. I watched ESPN’s “Around the Horn” today and Jay Mariotti, Woody Paige or Bill Plaschke were on the program. The lineup featured Michael Smith, Jim Armstrong, Jackie MacMullan and Gene Wojciechowski. Wasn’t a bad show. I’ll say this about Gene Woj-something-or-other, he’s not on the show much, but he’s pretty good. I remember the last time Jay was away for a while and Gene stepped in; he won a few Showdowns but could never fill out his face-time and with five seconds life he’d just go “That’s it. I’m done.” • So the Olympics are getting trounced in the ratings to Fox’s American Idol. Good. I don’t care about the Olympics, no matter what season it is. If other countries give a shit about their athletes winning in curling or some skiing competition, more power to them. For me, I don’t care if Bodie what’s-his-name finishes first or tenth in a race, nor do I care if Michelle Kwan dresses up and does a triple axle. It’s not like I’m a fan of American Idol either, although I might watch bits of the first few episodes of a new season if only to watch the freaks that think they can sing. However, in this case, I’m glad Simon Cowell is trouncing this year’s Winter Games. Hey Olympic honchos, don’t feel like you’re getting whipped in the ratings. Think of it as taking the Silver. • This incident reminded me of a funny story that took place when I lived in Ohio. The better half was applying to a few dozen schools for Ph.D. studies and of course she got rejected by all of them. One of them was the University of Miami of Ohio. Now these people had been assholes to Mrs. kkk because she actually had the nerve to follow up with a phone call confirming her materials were successfully received. Well, when she got the customary “You are impressive but you suck” rejection letter, there was something odd about it. It was addressed to some chick in Toledo. Not wanting to pass up a good chance to zing some faceless bureaucrat at an academic institution, I called the contact number that was on the letter and said “Hi, my name is Frank Winters, and I’m calling because there’s something that’s disturbing me. You see, my fiancée *Mrs. kkk* applied to your Ph.D. program, and I received a rejection letter for *I forget the name* from Toledo, Ohio. I’m worried because now I’m wondering if the woman I go to bed with every night is some sort of secret agent who goes by a variety of aliases. Either that or you people are so goddamn stupid that you can’t even stuff an envelope correctly. She paid *I forget the amount of money* to apply to your piece-of-shit school and you can’t even give her a proper rejection letter. How the fuck do you people keep your jobs? Call me at *home number* when you are able to figure this out, you incompetent pieces of shit.” This is great stress-relief technique, by the way. And I sent the rejection letter to the Toledo chick. Never heard back from her. • However, for as much as I loathe the university system, I have to give some basketball fans at Gonzaga props for doing a “Brokeback Mountain” chant during some recent basketball games. Naturally, this will qualify as “hate speech” or violate some hippie speech code. It’ll only be a matter of time before the free-speech Nazis ship these hoodlums off to the Concentration Camp of Tolerance for their misdeeds. From the article: “President Robert Spitzer has asked for a task force to investigate the campus climate.” Bah. Keep up the good work, I say. That’s definitely more creative than those stupid, “ooooooooooo” chants I hear more and more crowds performing nowadays.

Did you hear Patrick when talking about T.O. this year? Trust me, he doesn't give bj's to every NFL athlete (although at times it seems like he does.)

I'd have to compare other NBA draft classes of this era, but that doesn't seem like a bad draft to me. They might not be Hall of Famers, but many went on to have solid careers. I was always a Mookie fan, especially when he went to the Hawks.

Get the fuck out of here.

Well V-Day came and went, and I was rather impressed. Did the better half and I go out for a romantic dinner and a carriage ride? No. Did we go to where we got married and think back to that glorious day where we no longer lived in sin? Nope. Did we frolic in some hippie meadow barefoot? Not even close. We didn’t do a goddamn thing. And I loved it. About a week ago, Mrs. kkk told me she didn’t want to do anything for Valentine’s Day, and I reluctantly agreed. I was skeptical at first of her request; not because I’m a hopeless romantic, but rather because I got burned one time before on the “let’s not get each other anything for *insert holiday/birthday date here*.” A few years ago when we lived in Ohio and didn’t have any money for Christmas presents, she suggested that we not get each other anything. I agreed. Then, on the night before she was to drive out-of-state to her parents’ house, she gives me three gift-wrapped boxes and asked where hers were. It’s funny. Back when I was a teen-ager and couldn’t get a date to save my life, I hated the whole Valentine’s Day concept. Look at all these happy couples enjoying each other’s company; fuck them. And this was in the days before Internet porn, so you can imagine how lonely those evenings alone would be. Now I can’t stand February 14 because the greeting card companies and other “date-related” industries want to make you feel like a shithead if you don’t buy your sweetheart flowers, candy, a ring, expensive panties, and about a dozen other things, all at retail price. Fuck that. True love isn’t two twenty-somethings gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes and holding hands. True love is being with the same person for years and putting up with all the bullshit they present you with. Not cheating on them or putting a slug in their head are also necessary requirements for this “true love” definition, although you can still think about pulling an O.J. across your better half's throat when you know she’s pissed and ask her “what’s wrong” and she replies “nothing” for the 100th fucking time. Let’s see that on a Hallmark Card. On another related subject, the better half has a few close friends, and it’s funny to hear them try to give her advice on our relationship. They don’t do it much anymore, considering we got MARRIED (and she’s the only one out of her gang to have the ring on her finger), but back in the day when we still lived in sin Mrs. kkk was constantly told that if I didn’t propose to her by a certain time she should leave me. Now why would anyone want to do a thing like that? I’m so dang adorable, especially when I’m standing next to her in a fast-food waiting line making fun of the idiot customer who’s complaining about his food being late. Well let’s see you old bastard, the store is offering a $1 Big Mac special, you think you’re the only one who ordered that deal? There’s this thing called a DRIVE-THRU you stupid shit, and considering the Big Mac requires two patties, you can only make half the amount of this sandwich than you can a regular hamburger. So shut the fuck up and wait that extra two minutes for your discounted burger, you old bastard. Well that was off subject. Fuck it, I’m not editing that – I put too much effort into that last paragraph to just abort it. Anyway, it was funny listening to the better half’s friends tell her how to run her life when these people can’t even run theirs. One has been engaged three times and is currently seeing this one guy with webbed feet who I hope knocks her up because he’s a real winner (one of the better stories about him is that he banged this chick’s cousin on her uncle’s office desk). There’s another friend who is having her second out-of-wedlock child with her second baby’s daddy. The first baby’s daddy is currently in jail for sticking up a bank. True story. This guy was the manager of a fast-food place (not the one I was at in the earlier paragraph) and went out on his morning break and held up a bank right at the time they were opening, which of course means there wasn’t much MONEY in the place. Well, after collecting whatever meager bounty he could, he DROVE BACK TO HIS JOB WITH THE GUN, MASK AND MONEY IN HIS TRUNK. When the cops came by a while later to have a look inside his car, he refused. The cops then got a warrant and searched it. Now this guy is about 2-3 years into serving a 10-year sentence. Sad thing is he only got 1-2 years for the actual robbery. Most of time was because he pointed a gun at someone. I guess the lesson here is when you rob a bank/store is to point the gun at the ceiling or floor. And despite these people giving the better half advice on what to do with our 8+ year relationship, we have managed to stay together. Now that’s true love. And I still don’t need to buy some hippie card once a year on a made-up holiday.

I'm in the same boat Chris is in, which is kinda good though, because now I get reduced taxes during the year and I get a chunk of the better half's refund because we file jointly.

Isn't Goody and Suncoast part of the Media Play family?

Yes and yes. Avoid at all costs. Whenever they ask the jury pool questions like, "Has anyone here known someone who got hit by a drunk driver?" Say "yes."