KingPK

The broadcast now takes us to an unknown area of town. Actually, this may not even be the same town, but it's not the part of town you want to be stuck in. Vacant buildings, broken windows, graffitti covered telephone booths (they still have those!?) and litter strewn about decorate the streets. We're not quite sure what the point of this scenery is, at least not until a familiar voice speaks over the screen. "Yo Jax, you got it runnin' or what, cuz?" Now coming into view, the ebonically proficient Jamie O'Hara, a 40 oz. of beer prominent in his right hand, walks into the scene, as does Scotty Static of the GPX. It's obviously Johnny Jax holding the camera, and the three men walk down the unsafe looking street. Static turns to the camera and walks backwards, enabling him to speak right into it. "People say that we're insitigators. That we go looking for trouble. Those same people think we're in over our heads with the Wildcards this Sunday. You know, the same people who said that the Originals woulda run us out of the company by now. The same people who say we're all talk, no action? All talk? Us? Please. We're the three baddest bastards in the OAOAST. You think we're scared of some trailer trash like Bruce Blank? They ain't go no streets in the country baby, he's a dirt road thug! Bloodshed...he ain't street. Todd Cortez says he's from "The Streets", but I don't see no street in him. Poser. You want street...THIS is street. This is where the buses don't run, and the cops are afraid to drive through, but here we are, walkin' the street like it ain't nothin'. Doin' what we do best...some say it's looking for trouble...or maybe...maybe trouble has found us!" Static moves the camera over at a gangbanger, clad in a baggy Sean John jacket and baggy jeans, with an Atlanta Hawks hat titled to the side. "Hotlanta represent!" Static calls out to the banger, who keeps walking. "Yo...how you gonna do me like that!?" O'Hara nearly spits his beer out as Static goes ghetto, calling out to the thuggish bystander. "Yeah...yeah keep walkin'! Pour one out for your homies! Word life!" Aggrivated, the bystander stops and turns, then starts storming towards the Hooligans. "Oh shit, here he comes." mumbles Jax, backing up while keeping the camera focused. "Yo, you got somethin' to say? What's up? Huh?" The gangbanger approaches, and reaches under his coat and to his waistband, but before he can pull out his gat (y'know, if that's what he was doing) O'Hara smashes the bottle into his face, cutting him up and sending pieces flying everywhere! "Deja vu!" quips the Birmingham Bad Boy, as Static and Jax (still holding the camera) start stomping the man down. HARD. "Get him up! Get him up!" shouts Jax, as Scotty pulls the half conscious man up off the street, dragging him up and then taking him to the sidewalk, throwing him headfirst through the window panel of a phone booth! "BOOYAH!" shouts O'Hara, as Static pulls the man up from the wreckage, blood streaming down his face. "Puh...please man...c'mon, don't do me like that..." "Don't do me like that? Don't...don't what? You want mercy now, huh? Not a big man anymore, huh?" says Static, getting in the face of the unknown hoodlum before reaching into the booth, grabbing the phone, and then cracking him over the head with it! Static then takes the cord and wraps it around his neck, choking the life out of the man, while Jax is gleefully filming this! "Wildcards, you think you're hardcore? You think you're runnin' the show now? You ain't got no idea, playas! No idea of what you're into now!" shouts O'Hara, grabbing the camera away from the grim visual of the man being strangled on home video. Finally, Static releases the wire cord, leaving the man beaten down and gasping for air on the sidewalk of the ghetto. "WHOO...that was fun, haha!" says Static, walking away from his victim. "Wildcards, you think this is a game now? You think that you're just going to come into our house and that it's gonna be a cakewalk? That busting up my face, that busting my partner open...that the sight of our own blood is gonna make us squirm in our seats? Baby we built our respect on blood...we'll take on ANYBODY...ANYBODY that wants to fight us...and those that don't...we'll go after them too! Instigators, troublemakers...and the one I love best, the one that stuck...a couple o' Hooligans...call us what you want, but just know that it's the name that rules the game, boys! World Six Man Tag Team Champions...not for long! We'll see you Sunday night, and after we do to you what's needed to be done since you showed up here...this little slice of urban life is gonna look like a resort in Cancun to you. Hooligans are comin' at ya at School's Out boys, ain't nothin' you can do about that now." In the distance, sirens are heard, as the trio walks in the middle of the street, with Jax fumbling with the camera, as the sirens get closer. "I just saw lights through that alley!" remarks O'Hara, as the Hooligans pick up speed, racing away from a potential arrest. "Get the camera off! Johnny, get the cam..." FADE OUT. CABOOSE Everyone's going crazy around here. I can't believe what I just saw those....those PUNKS just do. COACH That's how things are in the streets. CABOOSE Your idea of the "ghetto" is a hotel room without a turn-down service. COACH Hey, the Coach likes to be comfy. Stage hands roll out the red carpet as "Call Me" hits, marking the arrival of the Beverly Hills Blonds and Mackenzie DeCenzo who walk the red carpet amidst jeers. In the possession of SMN is a CLAPBOARD, a device used to mark scenes in film/TV. BUFFER LLLLLadies and gentlemen, the following contest LIVE on HeldDOWN~! is set for one fall and it is for the HI-YAH TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first, the challengers...accompanied to the ring by world renowned director Mackenzie DeCenzo, at a total combined weight of 460 pounds, Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard... THE BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS! COLE Is that what Mackenzie sees herself as now, a director? COACH Directors are very smart people. Look at Ron Howard or Steven Spielberg. They turn crap into gold and make epic -- EPIC -- pictures. And an epic we're gonna get now that Mackenzie DeCenzo has hooked up with the Beverly Hills Blonds. As the trio round the corner and climb up the ring steps, a poster of D*LUX and Jade Rodez is waved in front of the Blonds, prompting Ned to RIP the poster to shreds! Blanchard picks up a headshot of Jade, the only piece of the poster spared and happily stuffs it down his crotch! COACH Jade likes it. She really likes it, Mikey! Look at that smile on her face. It was only a matter of time before she ended up there anyway. COLE (groans) Well anyway, ladies and gentlemen, our next match is the direct result of the events that occured a couple of weeks ago on Syndicated, when the Beverly Hills Blonds crashed The Love Shack and came to blows with D*LUX, who were Leon Rodez' guests, after a heated exchange. I don't know about you two...well, I'm pretty sure about you, Coach...but I am one of the many who feel the Blonds are being rewarded for their lack of professionalism. CABOOSE Whatever your opinion, there is no denying that the Beverly Hills Blonds association with Mackenzie DeCenzo has already paid off. Two weeks removed from their shocking return, Simon and Ned are back in a title match. COACH That's called results, baby boy. Forget Condi and Hillary, Mackenzie DeCenzo for President of the United States! "Call me (call me) on the line Call me, call me any, anytime Call me (call me) oh love When you're ready we can share the wine Call me" The Blonds bounce from one side of the ring to the other, jawing with fans in every section of the arena as their music fades away. A1's "First To Believe" is cued up and the teen dream's team gleam and beam, working up a steam as they strike triumphant poses. Jade Rodez stands between her team, pointing to their HI-YAH tag belts before pointing on to the ring. "JUST ONE ON ONE THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT BABY! JUST ONE ON ONE, THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT! JUST ONE ON ONE THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT BABY! JUST ONE ON ONE, THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT!" BUFFER And their opponents...being led towards the ring by their manager Ms. Jade Rodez, at a total combined weight of 397 pounds, the HI-YAH Tag Team Champions... "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE BRAVE and "TREMENDOUS" TYLER BRYANT... D*LLLLUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! "YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Shayne and Tyler leap to the apron, helping Jade up and holding the ropes open for their manageress. Jade glides in while D*LUX leap into the ring and pose on the turnbuckles, to an hysterical cheer! COLE There they are, the HI-YAH tag team champions! They are one of 4 teams to have held that championship, having defeated the now-defunct team of Christian Wright and Bohemoth and The Love Doctors at Living Angleously to capture the gold. COACH We're gonna add a fifth team to that list shortly in the Beverly Hills Blonds, the only 3-time OAOAST World tag team champions. COLE They accomplished that when they were the New New Midnight Express. CABOOSE Out with the old and in with the new are Simon and Ned, looking to regain championship gold here tonight. Mackie and the Blonds nearly bust a gut seeing D*LUX hand over their accessories -- designer sunglasses and denim jackets -- to Jade. With the snap of their fingers an assistant carefully handles their silver vests and returns them backstage under a police escort! A veteran of the mat wars, Charles Robinson stands between the Blonds and D*LUX to keep the situation from escalating before the bell rings. He walks over to the Blonds and frisks them for hidden objects, the same applying to the champions as well. Both teams pass the inspection and get set for battle as the bell is rung. * DING DING * COLE Here we go. Ned Blanchard and "Tremendous" Tyler Bryant set to kick things off in this HI-YAH tag team title match. Mackie takes a seat in her director's chair ringside and forms a screen with her hands, which we'll call the HAND SCREEN~! The best production team in the business zooms in on her point of view, capturing Mackenzie filming Ned running his hands through his hair. Simon enters the picture with clapboard in hand. "Beverly Hills Blonds vs. D*LUX Scene 1, Take 1 Director: Mackenzie DeCenzo" * CLAP * MACKIE Quiet on the set. And...ACTION! COLE What the heck is that? This isn't Hollywood. This is the OAOAST. COACH (whispering) Shh. Didn't you hear Mackenzie? Quiet on the set. Idiot. The Handsome Hustler wants to shake hands with Tyler before locking up but is snubbed. Ned crosses his heart and calls Tyler a good kid, re-affirming his desire to shake hands. Tyler accepts just to get it done with and is kicked in the midsection for being so naive. "Didn't your mother tell you never to accept handshakes from strangers?" Blanchard says, delivering a punch that knocks Bryant off his feet. Ned slams Tyler to the mat with a gutwrench suplex, then hits the ropes, repeatedly driving the point of the elbow into the sternum. He brings Tyler up to his feet and smashes his face into the turnbuckle. Blanchard pumpels the pop wannabe in the corner with punches and kicks, focusing in on his target with the HAND SCREEN~! Ned surprisingly abides by the referee's request to bring Tyler out of the corner...by whipping him to the far corner! The sound of Ned's footsteps rumbling towards him, Tyler grabs the top rope and floats over the Handsome Hustler, who crashes into the turnbuckles. Tyler gives Ned a taste of his own medicine, hammering away at him in the corner. Charles Robinson warns Tyler about the closed fists. About as smooth and crisp as one of his dance steps, Tyler flawlessly executes an Irish whip and flying back elbow. Bryant with the cover! ONE... TW-- KICKOUT! Tyler wastes no time tagging in the fresh man, "Showtime" Shayne Brave. Shayne uses Ned's aggression against him, sliding between his legs and drilling the Handsome Hustler with a standing dropkick. As quickly as he went down Ned is back up with the assistance of Shayne. What do an Irish whip and organ transplant have in common? The risk of rejection. That's what Ned experiences after hitting the ropes, getting returned to Shayne for a baaaaack bodydrop. Simon steps in and gets drilled square between the eyes with a sharpe right hand from Showtime Shayne. Tremendous Tyler gets in on the action, helping his partner shoot Ned to the ropes. Blanchard ducks under stereo clotheslines and leapfrogs, then stuns Tyler with a kick to the shoulder as D*LUX set for stereo backdrops. Shayne side-steps and blocks Ned's punch, hitting him with an inverted atomic drop as Tyler connects with a Yakuza kick that proves OPPOSITES ATTRACT! COLE This one could be over early. Simon is determined not to let that happen, lunging at D*LUX. It's not just his emotions that get the better of Simon, so do D*LUX, taking him over with a hiptoss. His adreanline in overdrive Simon rises up, and goes right back down courtesy of a Rock 'n' Roll Express double-team classic -- the double dropkick, except performed in stereo and not mono like in the R&Rs heyday. The Blonds use the ropes to pull themselves up, only to find out they're now shooting on-location after being clotheslined out to the floor by D*LUX! Shayne and Tyler SKIN-THE-CAT back inside the ring and wipe the Blonds out with PESCADOS! MACKIE Cut! Cut! Mackenzie rushes to the side of her team, both flat on their backs and dazed. COLE Oh, my! The Beverly Hills Blonds are down. Can they come back? We'll find out. * COMMERICAL * We return from break to the sight of Simon Singleton CHOPPING the hell out of Shayne in the Beverly Hills Blonds corner. He steps away under pressure from Charles Robinson, allowing Ned to use the TAG ROPE as a weapon, CHOKING Shayne! "BOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE Back live on TSM. Triple C calling the action from Sofa Central -- and Shayne being choked with the tag rope! Turn around ref. When we went to break it was all D*LUX, but it's the Beverly Hills Blonds who are now in control of the match. The Blonds gained control... COACH Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not give that away. If you want to know how the Blonds regained control, you should've brought a ticket to the show. That's why you gotta see the OAOAST live. CABOOSE The only reason Simon and Ned are still in this match is because of their experience. Any other team would've fallen to defeat after that offensive onslaught from D*LUX. Charles turns and sees Ned standing on the apron with both hands in the air, to signal no wrongdoing on his part. Simon stays on the attack. Well-placed forearm to the jaw keeping Shayne backed in the corner, but not for long as Singleton sends him off in an Irish whip. Brave narrowly avoids a back elbow and picks up steam as he returns on the rebound, crashing into Simon with a cross bodyblock! ONE... TWO-- KICKOUT! Simon is first to his feet, taking Shayne to the mat with a side headlock. Simon gets locked in a headscissors and floats on top of Shayne to break the hold. Shayne BRIDGES up and under for a backslide when Simon shoves him off to the ropes, and gets drilled with a shoulderblock. Shayne is brought down by a drop toehold and placed in a front facelock, quickly countering with a hammerlock. Simon returns to a vertical base and connects with a series of back elbows that free him from Shayne's grip. Simon shoots off the ropes, running through nothing but air as Shayne leapfrogs over the top and flings him across the ring with an armdrag. Again and again. Shayne leaps onto Simon's shoulders for a hurricarana, but struggles to bring him down, so he peppers Singleton's forehead with closed fists, causing Simon to stumble around the ring and luckily near his corner where Ned reaches over and hotshots Shayne on the top rope! "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH (laughing) DAYUM~! CABOOSE Shayne could have broken his neck there. I mean his neck just snapped off the top rope. * TAG * The Blonds whip Shayne to the ropes, each grabbing a leg as they lift him up, then drop him straight down with a DOUBLE FLAPJACK! Ned Blanchard, the legal man, blows a kiss to Jade and let's her know he'd like for her to blow something in return. And it's not a kiss, boys and girls. Jade let's Ned know what she thinks of that with the Alix Maria Spezia weight-loss technique, sticking her finger in her mouth but thankfully not puking in front of a live television audience. ONE... TWO... TH-- KICKOUT! Tyler and Jade drum up support for Shayne, leading to a chant of "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" But it doesn't get Shayne going. All it gets him is a boot to the face from Ned. The Blonds know they're in complete control and show it, just toying with Shayne, playfully kicking and slapping him around. Ned brings Shayne up to his knees in a front facelock, perhaps the prelude to his Slingshot Suplex. Shayne fights back, jabbing Ned in the stomach. Blanchard responds with overhand shots to the back, then goes for the suplex, but Brave rolls through and counters with a SMALL PACKAGE! ONE... TWO... THR-- NO! Ned pops up, sneering, and destroys Shayne with a clothesline. He puts the badmouth to Brave in the corner, viciously stomping him in the sternum. Ned brings Shayne out to the center of the ring, whipping him to the ropes and connecting with a back elbow. The Blonds love back elbows as much as Logan Mann loves double-axehandles. Scoope and a slam, Blanchard angerily walks over to his corner and tells Simon to "finish this motherfucker off!" COACH Heh. You don't think Ned's fired up? COLE The HI-YAH tag team championship on the line. Arrogant as hell, Simon flashes the HAND SCREEN~ prior to being launched off the top by Ned, and crashing down onto Shayne with a big splash! COLE Rocket Launcher. That's it. ONE... TWO... THREE-- TYLER WITH THE SAVE! Mackie directs Ned to attack, his motivation being Tyler Bryant costing the Blonds the tag belts. Charles Robinson does his best to keep the two from coming to blows but is brushed aside as Tyler and Ned slug it out, with Tyler getting the best of the Handsome Hustler. Simon sneaks up behind Tyler, who decks Ned with a DROPSAULT...and ends drilling Simon in the head with a BICYCLE KICK while finishing the 'sault in the drop! CABOOSE 2 for the price of 1. That brings Mackenzie up on the apron to complain. The Blonds wallowing in their misery. Jade goes over and pulls Mackenzie down, garning the attention of everybody in the arena as Tyler drags Shayne over to their corner. Jade wrenches back and SLAPS Mackenzie! "YEEEAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COACH Wha...? COLE Jade just slapped the taste out of Mackenzie DeCenzo's mouth! You go, girl. Tyler grabs Shayne's arm and tags himself in! Bryant comes in firing, decking the Blonds with hot-off-the-oven right hands. Tyler serves the ring two scoopes and a slam, bodyslamming both members of the Beverly Hills Blonds. Not at once, back-to-back. Tyler continues to roll, cracking the Blonds heads together with a DOUBLE NOGGIN-KNOCKER! Jade points to the corner, letting Tyler know Shayne is perched on the top. The crowd rise as one as Shayne soars through the air with an assist from Tyler, both arms outstretched, and levels the Blonds with a LARGER THAN LIFE LINE!! MACKIE Keep rolling! Keep rolling! Apparently that's Blonds talk for keep fighting. And there might not be much of that left in Simon, as Tyler makes the cover! ONE... TWO... THREE-- NO! Mackenzie sighs in relief, making sure her pearly whites are still in tact. More double-teaming from D*LUX. They hit Simon with the COWELL MOVEMENT double gutbuster, followed by a pair of elbows. Double kip-up by the champs, who bring a charging Ned Blanchard down with a drop toehold, smacking the Blonds heads together again! Ned gets up jelly-legged, still reeling from the blow yet managing to backdrop Shayne over the top rope. Thinking he's dodged a bullet Ned turns around...and gets walloped by a Tyler Bryant clothesline. Outside, Shayne Brave catches Ned tumbling over the top rope on his shoulder, looking to deal the knockout punch by ramming the face of the Handsome Hustler into the RINGPOST, but it's Shayne who tastes steel as Ned slides off and shoves him into the ringpost! COLE Oh, man. Shayne is out cold. He smacked head-first into the steel. Inside the square circle, Tyler stalks Simon, crotching in the corner to time the start of the MERRY TYLER GORE SHOW!!! COACH I don't think Simon's gonna make it after all. For the second time tonight, Mackenzie jumps on the apron to distract the referee. It's also leads to another confrontation with Jade. The two ladies exchange words, with Mackenzie threatening to sue if Jade lays a hand on her again. While all that is going on, Ned climbs up to the top rope with the CLAPBOARD in hand and leaps off, smashing the piece of production equipment into the back of Tyler's head! Ned places Simon on top and exits stage right. COLE No. Don't tell me it's gonna end like this. ONE... Jade hits her forehead on the apron after being yanked down by Ned. TWO... Mackie grabs a handful of hair and biels Jade across ringside. THREE! * DING DING DING DING * "BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match and NEEEWW HI-YAH Tag Team Champions... THE BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS! "Call Me" blaring in the background, the Beverly Hills Blonds rip the tag titles out of Charles Robinson's hands, unable to contain their excitement any longer. They embrace their director Mackenzie DeCenzo, draping the belts over her shoulders and hoisting her on theirs in triumph. The Beverly Hills Blonds take a victory lap around the ring, Mackenzie holding the HI-YAH tag team titles proudly in the air. COACH Come on, fellas. Show some excitement. This is bigger than Scorsese ever winning an Oscar. The days of Mackenzie DeCenzo managing losers are over. It took some time, but I'm sure it was worth the wait. She's with two stars now. COLE This is no win to celebrate. D*LUX had the match won, but Mackenzie kept sticking her nose where it didn't belong, leading to Ned hitting Tyler with that damn clapboard. COACH You're just another one of the haters, a critic. What about you, Caboose? Are you a hater too? CABOOSE It would be hypocritical of me to knock the way the Beverly Hills Blonds won the HI-YAH tag team championship considering how I won a few of my matches in my day. That said, both teams fought hard. COLE New HI-YAH tag team champions crowned tonight on HeldDOWN~! What else will happen? There's still more HeldDOWN~! to come. Commercial break

As we fade back in, we see Josh Matthews still waiting outside Peter Knight's locker room. Josh whistles Golddigger to himself, oblvious to the fact that he is on camera. COLE As you can see, Josh Matthews is still standing by awaiting any possible comments by Peter Knight. As we said at the top of the show, this Sunday at School's Out, Knight will challenge the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion Alfdogg for one last time. Here's how this match came about. AngleMania V April 2nd, 2006 Courtesy: OAOAST Home Entertainment Available Now! Alf stands straight on the top rope as the fans ready their cameras. Alf takes those last breaths before leaping for the FIVE.... STAR..... ALF...... SPLASH!!! *BAM* "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" CABOOSE HE HIT IT!! COLE HE GOT IT!!!! The impact knocks the wind out of Alf slightly and he grabs his ribs, gasping for the precious oxygen he needs to roll over and flop on top of Knight, making sure he hooks the leg as Hebner crawls over to make the count. ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! *DING DING* COLE YES!!! IT'S OVER!!! WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!!! Hebner hands the belt off to Alfdogg and raises his hand to the crowd. Alf cradles the belt in his arms like a newborn before thrusting it into the air to a blinding sea of flashbulbs. BUFFER LLLLLadies and gentlemen, the winner of this contest.....and NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW One and Only Anglesault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the WOOOOOOOOORLLLLLLLLLLLD....AAAAAALFDOGGGGGGGGGG!!!! Living Angleously April 30th, 2006 Courtesy: OAOAST Home Entertainment Alf picks up Brock, and tosses him into the ring, then hooks the SHARPSHOOTER~!!! However, he releases to deliver a SUPERKICK~! to Rick Heyross, who has jumped up on the apron! PK drills Alf with a clothesline, as Brock once again rolls to the outside. PK sets Alf up for the KNIGHTMARE~!!!!!11111, but Alf slips behind and hits a SUPERKICK~!, sending Knight to the floor, where Brock Ausstin scoops him up... CABOOSE Uh-oh, say goodbye to the French! ...and delivers an F-STUNNER-5 THROUGH THE FRENCH TABLE~!!! COLE All three tables gone, one for each man! As Alf goes to the apron, Brock grabs a chair and BLASTS him over the head with it! COLE And Alf's SKULL leaving an imprint in that chair! COACH And Alf's bleeding too, now! That makes all three in that department, as well! Brock rolls into the ring and watches as Alf crawls towards him, getting a smirk on his face. Brock holds his arms out to the crowd, drawing MASSIVE boos. He smacks Alf a couple times, then holds them out again...but Alf gathers one last burst of energy, grabs Brock's legs, and applies the SHARPSHOOTER~!!! to an ENORMOUS pop! COLE Sharpshooter once again, and no one in sight to save Brock Ausstin! Will the third time be the charm? CABOOSE Look at Alf cinch back, look at the look on his face! Brock crawls to the ropes, but Alf pulls him back out to the center! COLE And now they're right back in the middle of the ring! PK slowly starts to crawl back to the ring! COACH Hurry up, Peter! I don't think Brock can hold out much longer! PK reaches the apron, as Brock reaches for the same side, but Alf pulls him back once again! PK just now realizes what is going on, and struggles to pull himself back in, reaching out for Brock! Alf makes one last pull... ...and BROCK TAPS!!! The home crowd of Alf goes BALLISTIC~! *DING DING DING* COACH NO!!! COLE WE HAVE A WINNER! The camera pans directly to PK's bloody face, which has a shocked look on it. He then buries it in his hands on the mat, as Alf releases the hold and the referee raises his hand. BUFFER The winner of the match...and STILL OAOAST Heavyweight champion of the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLD...ALFDOGG!!!!! HeldDOWN~! May 4th, 2006 KNIGHT .....there was just too many variables out of my control in that match. Just like I had no control over Stephen Joseph screwing me out of the title in the first place at AngleMania, I had no control over Brock Ausstin wrapping one hand around his throat while his other hand tapped out. So, that got me to thinking; how I can be assured that I can get one more crack at the title one-on-one with Alfdogg where NOBODY can get involved and we can finally see who is the better man? HeldDOWN~! May 11th, 2006 (Alf and Knight are face to face in the ring) KNIGHT At School's Out, May 28th....I challenge you to a match for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title. But this won't be a normal title match. Alfdogg, I challenge you to a "Stairway to Hell" match! ..... Surrounding us, there will be a 15-foot high cell that will enclose not only the ring, but the entire ringside area as well. Once we are in the ring, the door will be padlocked shut, preventing any escape. In opposite corners of that cell will be a ladder. Why a ladder? Because in the roof of that cell there will be a hole and through that hole there will be a cable...and at the end of that cable will be that (jabbing a finger into the title belt), the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. I think you can figure out how you will get to that title. However, just because you can't win the title on a pinfall or submission, that doesn't mean that they won't count in this match. When one of us scores a pinfall and submission in THIS match, he will have a twenty second head start to begin his climb to the prize. The first man to climb the ladder and take that title into his posession will be the champion. There will be no disqualifications, no countouts...no rules. Nobody can interfere, so there will be no controversy. .... At School's Out, you can walk into that cell and shut me up once and for all. You just better be ready for the absolute brawl of your life....because I sure as hell will be. (As Knight walks up the ramp) ALFDOGG Hey, Knight!! You're on!! (BACK TO SC) CABOOSE I'm with him all the way, but I sure hope Alf knows what he signed for. COACH He signed his own death warrant, that's what. COLE This match won't be for the faint at heart, but it should be a hell of a war this Sunday. The camera cuts to the parking lot where Brains & Brawn are at jivin’ about, the OAOAST World Tag Team Championship belts in their possessions. The crowd boos the moment the two Lightning Crew members are shown. Vitamin X is in his street clothes and is once again holding Synth Esizer’s tag belt, and Cuban Wall is holding Logan “Usher” Mann’s belt. Both name plates on the belts have been crossed out with black spray-paint. Vitamin X is polishing his belt, while Cuban Wall stares at his. VITAMIN X Yeah, we are on a roll, are we not? CUBAN WALL Yeah, you’re right about that, X. Brains & Brawn are kicking ass and taking names. Not only do we have The Heavenly Rockers number, but we also got their belts! The crowd boos. VX Ha ha! Yeah. We do! But it really is great. These past 3 weeks have been great. I’ve really rebounded from AngleMania. There’s just one question though. CUBAN WALL What? VX Why do I have to have Synth Esizer’s belt? I HATE Synth Esizer! Can I have Logan’s belt? Wall looks at Vitamin X with an annoyed expression on his face. CUBAN WALL X, the tag belts both look the same. It really doesn’t matter what Rocker is on the nameplate. Besides, we blacked them out with the spray-paint! VX I don’t care! I want Logan’s belt! WALL X, the belts are the same, and no, I’m not giving you Logan’s belt. It’s mine! VX But I want it! Give it to me! CUBAN WALL No. VX Yes! WALL No. VX Yes. WALL No. VX Yes! WALL No! VX YES! WALL NO! VX YES!!! Cuban Wall punches Vitamin X in the jaw! VITAMIN X I’ll just keep Synth’s belt. WALL That’s better. Good boy. VX So, when do we actually, you know, FIGHT the Heavenly Rockers and become World Tag Team Champions? CUBAN WALL I don’t know, man. It’s all up to The Rockers. And frankly, I’m a bit disappointed in them. We’ve held the belts for over a week now, and they STILL haven’t come for them. I mean, I thought these belts meant the world to them! Why haven’t they showed up for them yet? VX Because they’re afraid of Brains & Brawn! That’s why! CUBAN WALL I was just about to say that. Thanks for interrupting me, you idiot! VX Sorry. WALL Anyway, The Heavenly Rockers are terrified of Brains & Brawn. The last two times we collided, they got beat up! They don’t want to go through that a third time! VITAMIN X Ha! Ha! Yeah that’s right! BOO-YAH~! CW Stop saying boo-yah. Vitamin X looks at Cuban Wall. He inches closer to Wall. VITAMIN X (in a whisper) Boo-yah. Cuban Wall punches Vitamin X in the jaw! VITAMIN X I asked for that. Suddenly, Vitamin X gets knocked in the back of his head with a Kendo Stick! LOGAN “USHER” MANN You asked for that too! The crowd cheers as Logan beats on Vitamin X with the Kendo Stick! Meanwhile, Synth Esizer has run into the picture with a Kendo Stick of his own, and is attacking Cuban Wall with it! The World Tag Team Champions beat on the men who have stolen their belts while the crowd cheers! COLE It’s the Heavenly Rockers! They’ve come to take the Tag Titles back! CABOOSE Ah, what are they doing? This is a sneak attack! They’re pearl harboring Brains & Brawn! COLE Just like Brains & Brawn pearl harbored The Rockers two weeks ago! Synth Esizer beats on Vitamin X, and Logan Mann takes care of Cuban Wall. The two teams brawl, with The Heavenly Rockers getting the upper hand! COLE And it looks like Brains & Brawn are about to lose the World Tag Team Titles! COACH They haven’t even won them in the first place! COLE You know what I mean, Coach! Vitamin X and CW are feeling the effects of the beatdown. But, they get some much-needed backup as the 6’9” Mr. Boricua enters the scene, with fists of fury! CABOOSE Oh thank you Mr. Boricua! Thank God for Mr. Boricua! Mr. Boricua beats on Synth Esizer first, and then beats on the “Wild Child” Logan “Usher” Mann! Neither Esizer nor Mann can withstand the power of the biggest member of The Lightning Crew. CABOOSE What was that you were saying about The Rockers getting their Tag Titles back? Mr. Boricua clubs down on Logan, when suddenly, Synth gets a sudden burst of energy and punches Mr. Boricua repeatedly in the face! The punches do little to stagger the big man, but it’s better than nothing. COLE The Heavenly Rockers trying to fight back and get their titles back! The Rockers beat on Mr. Boricua, but that only allows Brains & Brawn to come back and beat on the Rockers once again! CABOOSE Yes! Score one for the home team! Finally, at long last, security, referees, and OAOAST Road Agents come in to break it up. The usual gang of idiots break up Brains & Brawn, Mr. Boricua, and The Heavenly Rockers, and hold them back. It takes a while though, since all 5 men want to collide right here, right now. COLE Security is holding back the two teams AND Mr. Boricua! COACH You’re going to need the 82nd Airborne to hold back Mr. Boricua! CABOOSE Oh just let them fight! Let’s see The Heavenly Rockers try to get the Tag belts back now! I dare them to! Brains & Brawn make sure to grab hold of the World Tag Team Title belts while they’re being held back. The Rockers scream and spew out obscenities to Brains & Brawn. Mr. Boricua yells, grunts, and snorts. Terry Taylor steps into the middle of the ruckus. TERRY TAYLOR Hey! Hey! HEY! Everybody quiets down. Terry Taylor is shocked. TERRY TAYLOR It worked! Uh, um, I mean, that’s enough! That’s enough! We’ve had it with the both of you! I just got a message from Axel. At School’s Out, this Sunday, Brains & Brawn, you WILL be receiving your Tag Title shot against The Heavenly Rockers! VITAMIN X That’s fine! That’s great! It’s perfect! TAYLOR And if you lose the match, then you MUST return the Tag Team belts over to the Heavenly Rockers! CUBAN WALL That’s okay with us because WE’RE NOT GOING TO LOSE! HA! HA! SYNTH Hey! How come they get to keep the belts for three more days? TAYLOR I don’t know why. They just can. Axel’s orders. LOGAN Damn! Vitamin X and Cuban Wall smile evilly. TAYLOR Now get the hell out of here! CUBAN WALL See you Sunday, Heavenly CHOKERS! VITAMIN X Yeah! CHOKERS! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Despite being led away, Cuban Wall still manages to punch Vitamin X in the jaw! VITAMIN X OW! Security, referees, and OAOAST Road Agents lead Brains & Brawn and The Heavenly Rockers away. Brains & Brawn raise the OAOAST World Tag Team Championship belts over their heads while they’re led away, infuriating The Heavenly Rockers. The commotion has stopped, leaving Mr. Boricua to wonder what to do next. MR. BORICUA Me. Gotta. Go. Poopie. Thank you for telling us that, Mr. Boricua. (Cut to Triple C.) COLE I can’t believe it. It’s finally official. This Sunday at School’s Out, Brains & Brawn will take on The Heavenly Rockers for the OAOAST World Tag Team Championships! CABOOSE It’s about time. Brains & Brawn are one step away from dethroning the Heavenly CHOKERS! They’ve got the belts, now all they have to do is beat them! I can’t wait for this Sunday! COACH The Rockers failed in getting the Tag belts back today. They’re going to have to wait three more days, and they may end up being the longest three days of their careers! CABOOSE It’s going to be a lot longer than three days, Coach! This Sunday, May 28th, Brains & Brawn will become the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Tag Team Champions! It’s practically a guarantee! How can the Heavenly Rockers defeat the perfect combination of Brains & Brawn? COLE The Heavenly Rockers have overcome obstacles before. They’re going to have to jump over another huddle, in order to retain their titles, and get the belts back in their possession! Can The Heavenly Rockers get the World Tag Team Titles back; The belts that are rightfully theirs? Or will Brains & Brawn become Tag Team Champions for the first time ever? Find out this Sunday at School’s Out live only on pay-per-view! And don’t forget, Mr. Boricua and Thomas Rodriguez will be involved in the Sunday Detention Challenge for the OAOAST Heartland Championship! Commercial break

As we return, we cut to a local hardware store, where Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly are looking around. Fly picks up a big 2 X 4, when Reject comes walking onto the aisle. REJECT Well, Colombian Heat! Fancy seein' you here!... Hey, is that your son? Be careful with that, kid! *Fly turns around with the board, as Reject pulls his head back.* FLY I ain't no kid, man! HEAT Yeah, why don't you back off, man? REJECT So, I see you two are going for that big School's Out match! I just hope you don't spend too much, because it's not going to matter what you've bought once I win that match. And when I'm done with you two, you're going to feel like a couple of strippers leaving a Duke frat party! *crowd boos* *Heat gets right up in Reject's face.* HEAT Is that right, man? REJECT Yeah, that's right. Suddenly, the South Central Militia appear out of nowhere and attack Heat and Fly! Reject looks on, getting a couple of cheap shots in, until the Mad Cappa appears to make it an even battle! All six men battle it out over the store, and Reject blasts Fly over the head with a floor tile! Security finally arrives to break up the mee-lay! (BACK TO SOFA CENTRAL) COLE Looks like the competitors in this Sunday's Sunday Detention match for the Heartland Title. CABOOSE Those guys can brawl all they want, because Brock Ausstin is the guy you'll have to watch out for in that match. LIGHTNING CREW! No Chance in Hell hits and the LC's Mr. Boricua makes his way out. He has various exchanges with fans as he walks to the ring. COLE Speaking of Sunday Detention, two of the competitors in that match are about to get it on right now. BUFFER The following contest is shceduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring, weighing in at 300 pounds, and hailing from Tijuana, Mexico! He is a member of the LIGHTNING CREW...MISSSSSSSSSSSSTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRICCCCCUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! COLE And Mr. Boricua will meet Thunderkid here tonight, but at Living Angleously, his mentor, Tha Puerto Rican, attacked TK with this chairshot during his match with Reject! *footage is shown of said chairshot* CABOOSE And PR was suspended from the OAOAST the next show, and with no explanation of his actions towards TK! God of Thunder hits and Thunderkid makes his way to the ring, getting a nice pop. BUFFER His opponent, hailing from Green Bay, Wisconsin, and weighing in at 250 pounds...THUNDERKID!!!!! TK poses on one buckle, then jumps off and goes at Boricua! *DING DING DING* TK knocks Boricua down in the corner, and kicks away at him! COACH TK should be disqualified! Mr. Boricua wasn't ready for this attack! COLE Well, as he waits for PR's suspension to end, it looks like he's going to give him a little sample of what's to come! TK picks up Boricua and whips him to the opposite corner, following him in with a clothesline! Boricua falls out into the ropes, and TK runs to the opposite side and takes him over the top with a clothesline! COLE TK on fire in the early going! TK follows Boricua over the top with a PLANCHA~! He hammers away at him on the floor, then tosses him back into the ring. TK rolls in, and delivers a gutwrench suplex! He then picks Boricua up and whips him into the corner. This time, however, Boricua gets his foot up, and TK runs right into it! COLE How quickly the tide can turn in professional wrestling! COACH Thank you, Mr. Monsoon. CABOOSE TK came out too overzealous in the early going, and he's going to pay for it now, perhaps. Boricua catches his breath, then grabs TK, and delivers a big bodyslam! He then backs into the ropes, and goes for a legdrop, but TK rolls out of the way! TK gets up, and starts hammering away, then floors Boricua with a clothesline! A dropkick, and Boricua is to the outside once again! COLE But TK comes right back! Boricua this time takes an 8-count, then climbs back into the ring. Boricua challenges TK to a test of strength. TK slowly raises his hand, locking it in with that of Mr. Boricua. He then locks the other hand, and they clash into each other, each one trying to gain the edge. The hands come up, and Mr. Boricua's are on top. CABOOSE And Mr. Boricua, with the leverage advantage here, looking like he's going to break TK down! TK indeed starts going to his knees, and Boricua powers him down, gloating as TK's knees hit the mat. Boricua keeps him there as the referee asks TK if he wants to give it up. TK says no, then gathers a burst of energy, and starts powering back up! The fans urge him on as he gets to his feet! When he does, however, Boricua gives him a foot to the gut, and puts him back down to one knee. TK powers back to his feet seconds later, then kicks a hand and flips around, then delivers an armdrag! COLE And Mr. Boricua has just not had an answer for anything TK has done tonight! Boricua charges TK, and gets caught in a side headlock! Boricua quickly gets to his feet, and pushes TK into the ropes. Boricua puts his head down, and TK delivers a kick, then whips Boricua. TK goes for a dropkick, but Boricua hangs onto the ropes, and TK crashes into the mat on the back of his head! COACH And the tide turns again! Boricua drops to the mat and applies a chokehold as the referee lays a count on him. Boricua releases at four, then picks TK up and slams him again. He follows with a big splash! 1... 2... Kickout! Boricua picks up TK and sends him into the ropes. TK ducks a clothesline, but gets caught with a big boot coming off the other side! Boricua drops an elbow, and covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Boricua whips TK into a corner, then charges in with an AVALANCHE! TK falls back to the mat, and Boricua goes to the top rope! CABOOSE That's a big man going upstairs! Boricua flies off the top for a splash, but TK rolls out of the way! The referee starts counting... 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! TK sits up, and Boricua slowly follows. Boricua throws a right hand, but TK blocks and delivers one of his own! Another attempt, another block, another returned! What I just typed one more time! TK starts firing off rights, but Boricua goes to the eyes! Boricua whips TK into the ropes, but TK leapfrogs, then catches Boricua with a belly-to-belly! COLE And TK starting to get cooking once again! TK picks up Boricua, and delivers a fallaway slam! He then waits on Boricua to get up, and sets up a BICYCLE KICK~!...but Boricua pulls the referee in the way! COLE OH, and the referee is out of it! COACH Good riddance! TK stays on Boricua, slugging away, when Thomas Rodriguez rushes down. COLE Oh, wait a minute! Rodrgiuez slides in and grabs the arm of TK, admonishing him, when TK decks him with a big right hand! Boricua sneaks behind with a low blow, then dusts off Rodriguez, who is holding the side of his face. They both stomp away at TK, until Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly rush to the ring for the save! The LC members do battle with Heat & Fly, then Reject runs to the ring and attacks TK! Reject and TK slug it out on the outside, then all the challengers rush out and it's a big free-for-all as the crowd goes crazy! Jack Beam hammers away at Charlie Moss of Team Heyross, while Jumbo attempts to fight off both members of the South Central Militia until Mike Guerriero helps him out! The Mad Cappa and Quentin Benjamin do battle, with Tony Capella joining in. COLE And it's a free-for-all here on HeldDOWN~! As the referee finally starts to come to, Black Sweat by Prince hits and Mister Warrior runs down to and around the ring, seemingly oblivious to the battles going on around him. He slides into the ring, bounces off all the ropes, and clotheslines the referee just as he gets to his feet! He then shakes the ropes and reaches to the sky, before jumping out and running to the back as the music continues to play. Quentin Benjamin looks on with a strange look on his face. COACH ...what the HELL was that about? COLE I don't know, but this Sunday, it's going to be all about the Heartland championship for all these men, as they challenge Brock Ausstin, as well as one another, in the Sunday Detention match at School's Out! We cut to the back quickly and find Brock Ausstin himself watching the scene in the ring on a monitor. He laughs and slaps the Heartland Title belt on his shoulder. BROCK That's it guys. Make my job easier. He walks off as we fade out. Commercial break

COLE We're heading into our next pay-per-view extravaganza, School's Out and tonight, HeldDOWN comes to you from Cameron, North Carolina. Hello everyone, I'm Michael Cole along with Caboose and The Coach as always and fellas, we are heading for a war in three days. COACH That's right, Cole. The hours can't pass any faster for Peter Knight as he continues to prepare to take his title back from Alfdogg in the Stairway to Hell match. Alf's been in some tough matches in his career, but he ain't seen nothing yet. COLE Last week, Knight said he may give Alf a "preview" of what he is in for this Sunday night, and that has put not only the locker room, but everyone backstage on edge. CABOOSE Knight is completely obsessed right now. If someone wants to get in his way tonight, it's his funeral. COLE We have a lot more for you tonight, including our main event, a HI-YAH Tag Team Title match between the champions D*LUX and the challengers, The Beverly Hills Blondes. COACH Accompanied by the LOVELY Mackenzie DeCenzo, as always. COLE Thunderkid will also be in action tonight, going up against Mr. Boricua. But first up, let's go to the ring and welcome back a couple of OAOAST stars who are scheduled to participate this Sunday at School's Out. The sound of the Deftones' "My Own Summer" welcomes two superstars back from a successful tour of Mexico. The two superstars in question, James Blonde and Faqu, come to the ring dressed in standard attire, looking to speak rather than fight...for now, at least. COLE Great to see James Blonde and Faqu back. They were off competing with several other HI-YAH superstars at the Lucha Libre Azteca promotion in Mexico for several weeks, and now this Sunday have to prepare for a Three Way Dance we're they'll both be in action, against their friend...although that term could be used loosely these days...Zack Malibu, who is putting the HI-YAH Championship on the line! CABOOSE It's a weird situation for Blonde and Faqu, despite being no strangers to having to take each other on. They did it in the past, and even recently at Two For The Money during Anglemania this past year. However, the real question here is if recent events has led to a complete breakdown of trust between the duo and Malibu. Everyone knows Blonde and Faqu don't approve of Zack's hooking up with The Wildcards, and I certainly don't blame them...but is it simply because they felt slighted for not being picked by Malibu to aid him in his war with The Hooligans, or is it because they, like many of us, feel The Wildcards were the wrong choice to lure to the OAOAST? COACH You know, maybe if you two would shut up, we'd find out! Brother's got the mic! James Blonde does indeed have the mic, and he wastes no time in addressing the crowd. BLONDE I've got a few things I'd like to say, and I know the big man does too, but before we say or do anything, there's one man who needs to be out here with us. Zack Malibu, come on out of your dressing room and into this ring, because we're gonna clear the air right now. COLE Whoa, wasting not time in getting to the point! Blonde and Faqu want Malibu in the ring, face to face! CABOOSE The tension has been boiling over for weeks now. The OAOAST seems to be firmly against the arrival of The Wildcards, save for Malibu, although I'm not even sure if that's the case, as he seems to be on the fence with them as well! COACH Yeah, until he turned into of of 'em by smashin' up my man J's face with the bottle a few weeks ago! After several moments of silence, "Getting Away With Murder" is cued, and the fans leap off their seats and to their feet at the impending arrival of the HI-YAH Heavyweight Champion. Malibu, seemingly aware of the situation, has a mic in one hand, prepared to speak up if he needs to. Blonde and Faqu back up and give Malibu space as he enters the ring, and after throwing the HI-YAH belt back over his shoulder, he extends a hand to both men, who accept it, albeit while simply glaring back at Malibu. COLE There is not a lot of happiness in this ring right now. With his theme faded out, Malibu steps back, and motions to Blonde and Faqu that the floor is theirs. BLONDE Zack, we'll get to School's Out and the HI-YAH Championship match in a minute or two, but right now, I want to get a few things off my chest. No doubt the big man will have something to add to it too, but let's just lay it on the line. About a month ago, you pulled off a coup. You managed to secure three talents, two of which have binding contracts with a company that is technically opposition, and brought them to the OAOAST. Without anyone knowing what was going on, these guys showed up, supposedly to help you, and all they're doing is causing more trouble than they're worth. Faqu and I...it's not jealousy, Zack. It's not that you didn't look to us for help...we're grown men, and we're past that. It's the fact that as friends, Zack, we're telling you that these guys aren't good for you. They're not good for the company, because they're ruining the reputations of both, and... MALIBU OK, hang on, hang on right there. RUINING my reputation? Let me make one thing perfectly clear...my reputation speaks for itself. I'm a man of responsibility, and I've taken responsibility for bringing the Wildcards into the company, not to mention I've taken responsibility for my own actions recently. So my reputation shouldn't be in question here. BLONDE Alright Zack, then let me clarify...maybe not your professional reputation, but what about your personal one? What about your friends, Zack? Not just me, not just Faqu, but guys in the back...guys like...Leon Rodez, your former tag team partner? Guys like Alfdogg, who you came up with? Your reputation is hurting where it counts the most Zack...it's hurting within the company, the same company that YOU are supposed to be the heart of. MALIBU And again, it's another matter I've addressed. I've seen the glares, I've felt the ice in people's veins when I walk into the locker room area these days, and you know what, that's my cross to bear, but again I ask...where were THEY when I was getting my ass handed to me by The Hooligans? Where were they when I was dripping blood on the ground out in the parking lot? We were supposed to put up a UNITED FRONT, you know it, I know it, and everyone else knows it, but saying and doing are two different things, and that's why it seems that I've been going at it alone lately. Not to mention that things got too...predictable. It had to be shaken up, it had to be a drastic measure, and so I went out and found the three toughest bastards I could...with no worries of retribution in their minds, because the more times they get to kick some ass, the better! BLONDE But you did it at the expense of your OWN reputation! MALIBU Why don't you stop talking about MY reputation and start working on establishing one of your own! "Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh!" The crowd is shocked, and Blonde's eyes widen. Faqu watches on, still remaining silent amongst all this. MALIBU Let's get one thing straight, James. For years, you guys struggled. You were cast off as enhancement talent, managed to get a deal overseasm, and wound up becoming some of the top foreign talent in HI-YAH. You came back here, trying to wash away that stigma, but it sticks with you. It sticks with both of you and maybe...maybe that's what this is? That you didn't get enough rub by being my friend, that you're trying to make a name for yourself by taking a stand against me!? You're getting a god damn TITLE SHOT on Sunday, so why don't you try being grateful? BLONDE You think a title shot is going to just wash away everything that's gone on? That I should kiss your ass for putting me in a title match? I DESERVE A TITLE MATCH after the hell I've been through to re-establish myself. You gave my partner two title shots that both wound up with him getting screwed, and now you're trying to play us against each other on Sunday! MALIBU I'm not playing anyone against anyone. HI-YAH officials talked to me and we came to an agreement that yes, you deserved a title shot, and yes, so did Faqu, for the same reasons you just stated. You guys spent a while at each others throats, and you had no problem taking each other on in Two For The Money, so what's the big deal now? Are we gonna go through more of this he said, she said bull, or are we going to go out there and kick each others asses and give the people the match of a lifetime on Sunday night!? The crowd roars at Malibu's declaration of wanting a MOTY candidate come School's Out, but the tension is still apparent. BLONDE I've got no problem with Sunday night. Me and the big man... MALIBU You know, James...maybe you should let HIM speak for himself. Blonde pauses, and he turns to his partner, who slowly extends his hand and grabs the mic. The crowd roars as the big Samoan, who is gaining in popularity, brings the mic up to talk. FAQU Zack Malibu...my partner has done a good job describing my feelings. But this Sunday, I get an outlet for my frustration. I get to show you, not tell you, what it meant to be screwed out of the HI-YAH Championship TWICE. I get relieve some of the hostility we've shown towards each other regarding The Wildcards. I'm grateful for the opportunity, I respect you as a man, and I respect my partner...but I am willing to go through the both of you to become a champion. Faqu hands the mic back to Blonde, who doesn't seem surprised by his partners statement. After all, they've fought before. He just appears taken aback by the Samoan's grim determination. BLONDE You know what, I'm willing to go through you too. We always said that if it came down to it, we'd throw all allegiance aside and go toe to toe to get what we want. No matter who walks out of that ring on Sunday though, Zack...that's still just the beginning. I don't care if I'm wearing the championship, if Faqu is, or if you are...Sunday night is just the first step...three of the most gifted athletes in the game venting all their wordly frustrations...after that, it's onto The Wildcards, because come hell or high water, Zack...SOMETHING needs to be done about them, whether you're with us, or not. MALIBU Whether I'm with YOU or not? Now you're trying to recruit me? Are you kidding? You want to go after the Wildcards, go ahead...but by saying what you just said, you made your first mistake. You're thinking past this Sunday, and THAT, my FRIENDS...could prove to be your biggest mistake yet. Angered, Malibu throws his mic down and storms off, leaving Blonde and Faqu to briefly glare at each other before looking on as Malibu heads up the aisleway, the HI-YAH belt safe over his shoulder...at least for another three days. We cut to the back and find Josh Matthews standing in front of a door. JOSH Josh Matthews standing by here in the back. Just a few minutes before we went live, Peter Knight arrived here in Cameron and, without a word to anyone, went into this locker room behind me. Myself and the other backstage reporters knew that someone had to wait in front of this door to try and get a word with Alfdogg's challenger and, well, I drew the short straw. I'll be standing by all night to see if Mr. Knight will be willing to speak with me live....but I'm not going to try and press the issue. I got my ravishing good looks to protect. (Camera shakes slightly) Stop laughing, Jim. So stay tuned, HeldDOWN will return after this. Commercial break

Yeah, I thought of that after posting my above post, but my point is that none of the Eastern teams are really all that better than the Central contenders (though Detroit may be playing over their heads right now) and everyone has problems of some sort, so right now it is pretty much a crapshoot and I wouldn't at all be surprised to see the Central get two playoff spots. If anything, it SHOULD be a VERY tight race come September.

OH NOES! 120 people in three years! EVERYBODY PANIC!!

I think the WC has a fine shot of coming out of the Central wether it be Detroit, Cleveland or Chicago (with Minnesota a longshot). The Yankees, Red Sox AND Blue Jays all have pitching depth problems and there's really not much any of them can do about it (I don't know about Toronto Yankees have little to trade and Boston wants to keep their prospects). Add to that the fact that they're going to beat each other up during the year with each team playing the others a total of 38 times and having to deal with a feisty Tampa team as well (Baltimore just plain sucks), I don't see the East winner winning any more than 90 games, so if a Central team can squeak out 90-95 wins, that should do it.

Ray Shero, Ottawa assistant GM. Here's the storyfrom TSN: Again, fuck the Bruins. Management SAYS the new GM will have final say about the head coach, but I'll believe that when I see it. It's nice that Jeremy Jacobs can't even come MEET the fucking guy and sends his son instead.

For future reference, if you post spoilers that turn out to be fake, save everyone the headache and just edit your post with the real ones.

Not playoff related, but this is the only hockey thread active: The Bruins broke off talks with their #1 choice for their GM spot. Why? He wanted too much money. Fuck this team.

Looks like Clement's about ready to get shipped back to Chicago with a "Caution: Suck Under Extreme Pressure" stamp on him, wouldn't you say? Why he didn't go to the Reds instead of Arroyo for Pena I'll never understand (unless it was the contract).

The Rules Committee refused to make a new rule allowing him to do so.

So is this card worth $35 and getting a couple guys together for beer and pizza who have never watched a full UFC card before?

Yankees really don't have any solid options to lead up to Rivera this year, do they? Yankees win, but Rivera faced Willie "Mays Hayes from the beginning of Major League II (but without the power), Alex "Singles" Cora, Jason "First Pitch" Varitek and Dustin "No, I'm Not Related to Jay, But I Hit Like Him" Mohr in the 9th. Bravo. (Hey, if mike can make excuses, so can I).

Why Doug Mirabelli is still in the game when Wake is gone I'll never know. At least Varitek makes contact. Well......sometimes anyway.

It got cancelled like 6 months ago. Rachel Nichols is still the best looking female reporter on ESPN.

Manny puts the game back INTO reach with a 3-run HR of his own. How clutch.

He should have done it in the 1st, 3rd, and 5th. I do question why Torre took Wright out so soon. He only had 70-something pitches and was getting outs. I also question why Wake was left in too long when it was obvious that he was wavering.

And I thought Boston's media was bad.

Eh, everyone else does it and MS Word is too boring to look at. As we return to the arena, the house lights have darkened and a quartet of white spotlights shine on the steel cell as it begins to make its descent to the arena floor. Meanwhile, referee Earl Hebner stands at center ring, cradling the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title belt in his arms as a ring hand holds steady the cable that it will be attached to. COLE Well folks, it is now time for our main event. The OAOAST in the past have brought you all sorts of new match types and new variations on old ones and right now, tonight at School's Out, we're about to do it again. Let's take a look at how we got to this point. *LOGO WIPE* [b]AngleMania V April 2nd, 2006 Courtesy: OAOAST Home Entertainment Available Now![/b] [i]Alf stands straight on the top rope as the fans ready their cameras. Alf takes those last breaths before leaping for the FIVE.... STAR..... ALF...... SPLASH!!! *BAM* "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" CABOOSE HE HIT IT!! COLE HE GOT IT!!!! The impact knocks the wind out of Alf slightly and he grabs his ribs, gasping for the precious oxygen he needs to roll over and flop on top of Knight, making sure he hooks the leg as Hebner crawls over to make the count. ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! *DING DING* COLE YES!!! IT'S OVER!!! WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!!! Hebner hands the belt off to Alfdogg and raises his hand to the crowd. Alf cradles the belt in his arms like a newborn before thrusting it into the air to a blinding sea of flashbulbs. BUFFER LLLLLadies and gentlemen, the winner of this contest.....and NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW One and Only Anglesault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the WOOOOOOOOORLLLLLLLLLLLD....AAAAAALFDOGGGGGGGGGG!!!![/i] [b]Living Angleously April 30th, 2006 Courtesy: OAOAST Home Entertainment[/b] [i]Alf picks up Brock, and tosses him into the ring, then hooks the SHARPSHOOTER~!!! However, he releases to deliver a SUPERKICK~! to Rick Heyross, who has jumped up on the apron! PK drills Alf with a clothesline, as Brock once again rolls to the outside. PK sets Alf up for the KNIGHTMARE~!!!!!11111, but Alf slips behind and hits a SUPERKICK~!, sending Knight to the floor, where Brock Ausstin scoops him up... CABOOSE Uh-oh, say goodbye to the French! ...and delivers an F-STUNNER-5 THROUGH THE FRENCH TABLE~!!! COLE All three tables gone, one for each man! As Alf goes to the apron, Brock grabs a chair and BLASTS him over the head with it! COLE And Alf's SKULL leaving an imprint in that chair! COACH And Alf's bleeding too, now! That makes all three in that department, as well! Brock rolls into the ring and watches as Alf crawls towards him, getting a smirk on his face. Brock holds his arms out to the crowd, drawing MASSIVE boos. He smacks Alf a couple times, then holds them out again...but Alf gathers one last burst of energy, grabs Brock's legs, and applies the SHARPSHOOTER~!!! to an ENORMOUS pop! COLE Sharpshooter once again, and no one in sight to save Brock Ausstin! Will the third time be the charm? CABOOSE Look at Alf cinch back, look at the look on his face! Brock crawls to the ropes, but Alf pulls him back out to the center! COLE And now they're right back in the middle of the ring! PK slowly starts to crawl back to the ring! COACH Hurry up, Peter! I don't think Brock can hold out much longer! PK reaches the apron, as Brock reaches for the same side, but Alf pulls him back once again! PK just now realizes what is going on, and struggles to pull himself back in, reaching out for Brock! Alf makes one last pull... ...and BROCK TAPS!!! The home crowd of Alf goes BALLISTIC~! *DING DING DING* COACH NO!!! COLE WE HAVE A WINNER! The camera pans directly to PK's bloody face, which has a shocked look on it. He then buries it in his hands on the mat, as Alf releases the hold and the referee raises his hand. BUFFER The winner of the match...and STILL OAOAST Heavyweight champion of the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLD...ALFDOGG!!!!![/i] [b]HeldDOWN~! May 4th, 2006[/b] [i]KNIGHT .....there was just too many variables out of my control in that match. Just like I had no control over Stephen Joseph screwing me out of the title in the first place at AngleMania, I had no control over Brock Ausstin wrapping one hand around his throat while his other hand tapped out. So, that got me to thinking; how I can be assured that I can get one more crack at the title one-on-one with Alfdogg where NOBODY can get involved and we can finally see who is the better man?[/i] [b]HeldDOWN~! May 11th, 2006[/b] (Alf and Knight are face to face in the ring) [i]KNIGHT At School's Out, May 28th....I challenge you to a match for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title. But this won't be a normal title match. Alfdogg, I challenge you to a "Stairway to Hell" match! ..... Surrounding us, there will be a 15-foot high cell that will enclose not only the ring, but the entire ringside area as well. Once we are in the ring, the door will be padlocked shut, preventing any escape. In opposite corners of that cell will be a ladder. Why a ladder? Because in the roof of that cell there will be a hole and through that hole there will be a cable...and at the end of that cable will be that (jabbing a finger into the title belt), the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. I think you can figure out how you will get to that title. However, just because you can't win the title on a pinfall or submission, that doesn't mean that they won't count in this match. When one of us scores a pinfall and submission in THIS match, he will have a twenty second head start to begin his climb to the prize. The first man to climb the ladder and take that title into his posession will be the champion. There will be no disqualifications, no countouts...no rules. Nobody can interfere, so there will be no controversy. .... At School's Out, you can walk into that cell and shut me up once and for all. You just better be ready for the absolute brawl of your life....because I sure as hell will be. (As Knight walks up the ramp) ALFDOGG Hey, Knight!! You're on!![/i] *LOGO WIPE* We go back live as the house lights are back up and the cell has settled onto the floor. The title belt is on its hook and ascends to its place 15 feet above center ring right about level with the hole on top of the cage. Meanwhile, two more ring hands prop a folded 10-foot ladder in opposite corners of the cell, securing them to the cell with bungee rope. COLE This is certainly a unique idea that Peter Knight had. Looking at this monstrous structure up close, I'm already cringing at how many ways these two men are about to maim each other. Let's take it up to Michael Buffer for the introductions. Finished with their work, the ring hands jog through the open cell door as the bell rings to get the fans' attention. *DING DING* BUFFER LLLadies and gentlemen, it is now time for our mmmain event of the evening!! "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" CABOOSE This crowd certainly is ready. BUFFER This contest is a Stairway to Hell match and it is for the One and Only Anglesault Thread Heavyweight Championship of the World! (More cheers) In this match, the first man to climb the ladder and retrieve the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title belt that hangs above the ring will be declared the winner. Also, in this contest, if one man scores either a pinfall or a submission on the other he will have a head start of twenty seconds, a count that will be administered by the referee in charge of this match, Earl Hebner (tepid cheers). After that lengthy and confusing explanation, there is only one more thing to ask.....and that is ARE YOU READY? "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Denver, Coloradoooooooo are....you.....RRRRRRRRRREADY? [b]"YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"[/b] Then, from the thousands here in the arena to the millions watching at home......LLLLLLLLETS GET READY TO RUMMMBLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! COACH Let's do this! The lights go out.... [i] I've been defeated and brought down[/i] "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" [i]Dropped to my knees when hope ran out The time has come to change my ways......[/i] The blue strobes flash around the entrance as the guitar and drum flourish fills the PA. As the chorus of [i]Metalingus[/i] begins, the challenger bursts through the curtains, a look of determination on his face similar to the one he wore on New Year's Day. BUFFER Introducing first, the challenger. He is a former OAOAST Tag Team, X AND World Heavyweight Champion. Tonight, he looks to recapture the title that he lost nearly two months ago at AngleMania V. He hails from Fall River, Massachusetts and weighs in tonight at two hundred and sixty-five pounds.......PETERRRRRRR KNIIIIIIGHT!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Knight stops at the cell door, which is being held open by referee Nick Patrick, and pulls on the steel fencing, showing that it has some give, but not much. He steps into the cell and slides into the ring, immediately walking to the middle of it and looking up at the prize. CABOOSE Yep, that's what you've wanted to get back, Knight, but you have to go through Alfdogg first. COACH Remember, PK lost two title matches before winning his first world title, so maybe the third time will be a charm again. Alf's got nothing to help him this time; to keep that belt, he's gotta take that man to his breaking point. Knight's music fades and faint cheering ripples through the crowd in anticipation that explodes into a tsunami of cheers and shouts as the opening drums of [i] Magnum Opus: Father Padilla Meets the Perfect Gnat/Howling at the Moon[/i] pound over the PA, signaling the entrance of the champion. COLE Listen to this crowd! CABOOSE How can I not hear them? Alfdogg steps through the curtain, a bit naked without his title belt as he thrusts his arms into the air for the crowd. He pauses to take in the sight before him before fixing his stare at his opponent. Alfdogg simply stands at the top of the ramp and stares at Knight as Buffer makes the introduction. BUFFER And introducing his opponent. He is a former Heartland champion and, nearly two months ago, defeated the man he will face tonight to become the REIGNING and DEFENDING One and Only Anglesault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the WOOOOOOOOOOORLD.......AAAALFDOGGGGGGGGG!!!! COLE Anyone that has followed Alf's long and illustrious career here in the OAOAST knows that he has participated in some of the most brutal and unique matches the wrestling world has seen. He defeated OAOAST legend and sadist Sandman 9000 at AngleMania IV; he defeated Chris Stevens in a Christmas Deathmatch this past December at Climax and tonight, he aims to take down one of the toughest men in the OAOAST in a match so dangerous, it hasn’t been used in FOUR years, the Stairway to Hell match. Alf reaches the cell door and pauses once more. He looks up and through the cage at his belt hanging from the rafters, the ladders in the cell and finally, his opponent, who has leaned forward a bit and gestures with his hands for Alf to bring it. COACH He's scared Cole. He's got a case of the yellow-tail. CABOOSE Alf's just taking this all in. He is in for a hell of a fight tonight so he wants to gather himself. You know the second he steps through that door Knight will be all over him. Alf cracks his knuckles and takes a few deep breaths.......and charges into the cell, sliding under the bottom rope and immediately being met by a series of hard stomps. *DING DING* COLE We're underway! Patrick immediately closes the cell door and one of Denver's finest snaps a large padlock onto the door, cutting off one (and maybe only) possible means of exit. In the ring, Alf has shrugged off Knight's opening flurry and is on his feet, trading punches with the challenger. Knight takes control and backs Alf into the ropes. He shoots him off, but Alf hangs on to the arm and reverses, sending Knight into the ropes. He tries a clothesline, but Knight ducks it and bounces off the ropes again to get a head of steam, but Alf leaps and meets him with a spinning wheel kick that knocks him to the mat. Alf quickly scrambles for a cover.....but Hebner can't even get into position before Knight kicks out. Alf doesn't let up however, dragging Knight up to his feet and rocking him back into the corner with rights. Alf rears back and..... *SLAP* "WHOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Fires off a HUGE chop to Knight's massive chest. *SLAP* "WHOOOOOOOOOO!!!" *SLAP* "WHOOOOOOOOOO!!!" *SLAP* "WHOOOOOOOOOO!!!" *SLAP* "WHOOOOOOOOOO!!!" *SLAP* "WHOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Followed by FIVE more that has the challenger gasping for air. Alf wraps his hand around Knight's throat and chokes him, the camera getting a good close shot of the scene as well as picking up Alf talking some smack as he stares into Knight's face with intensity. ALF You wanna get hardcore? You wanna play in my yard, you son of a bitch? But Knight silences him by gouging his fingers into Alf's eyes. They switch positions and now it's Knight teeing off on the champion with a series of stiff forearms that has his head snapping back violently with each impact. Hebner tries to step in just for Alf's safety, but Knight shoves him away and switches to kicks to Alf's gut. He grabs Alf by the arm and shoots him off the ropes, ducking down as Alf rebounds and pitching him over his shoulder with a back body drop. He quickly covers. 1....but Alf kicks out. COLE Remember, the man that can score a pinfall or submission gets a 20 second head start to go for the title. Obviously both men are trying to get that advantage early, though it would help if there was a ladder in the ring already. CABOOSE These two are just trying to beat the crap out of each other right now the way I see it. Knight drags Alf to his feet and rams his face into the top turnbuckle and buries a series of knees into the champion's gut, doubling him over. Knight backs up a few steps and waits for Alf to stand back upright before charging in and smashing Alf in the sternum and throat with a clothesline. Alf collapses face first to the canvas as a pumped up Knight shouts and slaps his chest, drawing the ire of the capacity crowd. COLE The challenger with a flurry of offense that has the champion in trouble early. COACH This is funny; I thought everyone said Alf would be in his element in this match. Looks like Knight is taking care of bidness so far. Knight steps through the ropes to the floor and walks towards one of the ladders. COLE And now the ladders are about to be put into play. CABOOSE Knight’s got control of this match now, but he of all people should know that Alf isn't out of this yet. Knight detaches one cord from the ladder and drops it to the floor. He goes to work on the second cord......but suddenly a pair of feet flies into the frame, connecting with Knight's back and sending him face first into the ladder! Knight flops to the floor leaving the ladder still attached by one cord. "OHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH Wha? Where did he come from? CABOOSE I told you. A split screen replay shows Alf running into the corner and quickly scaling the top rope to deliver a missile dropkick down to an unsuspecting Knight on the floor. Back to live action as Alf detaches the ladder from the cage and pushes it over to the floor as he is more interested in the bungee rope which he wraps around Knight's throat as Knight gets to his knees. Knight flails his arms and grabs at the cord around his neck as he gets back to his feet, but Alf keeps a good grip on it as he goes to Knight's side and twists him around by his throat and sends him backfirst into the cold, unforgiving steel fence of the cell. "OHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Knight shouts in pain and collapses to his knees holding his back. Alf walks over to the ladder and takes it into his possession, sliding it into the ring and sliding in after it. CABOOSE Looks like Alf's gonna have the first crack at it here. Knight, coughing and gasping for air, uses the apron to prop himself up and sees Alf pick up the ladder once again and stand it upright. He quickly slides in and blindsides Alf with a forearm to the side of the head, knocking Alf into the ropes as the ladder clatters to the apron. Knight quickly picks up the ladder, holding it horizontally, and charges at the champion to jam the top of the ladder into Alf's chest and back him into the corner. Knight props the ladder up and pushes it against Alf, forcing his body weight against it to squeeze Alf in the tight space. Knight bounces off the opposite ropes and charges at Alf again. He leaps....... *CRACK* "OHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" And sends all 265 lbs. of his into the ladder with a Stinger splash, sandwiching Alf between the ladder and turnbuckles. Knight stumbles off holding his ribs slightly from the impact while the ladder falls to the mat and Alf crumples in the corner. COLE Peter Knight sacrificing his own body to cause harm to the champion. COACH Knight said he was going to do anything to win, and we just saw a perfect example. Knight shakes his head to clear the cobwebs and pulls the ladder upright, unfolding it and positioning it under the belt before stepping on the bottom rung. CABOOSE Knight's making the first climb. Knight steadily makes his way up, prevented from going quickly by his body weight and gets a few feet off the mat when Alf runs in and grabs his foot, yanking down and pulling Knight to the mat. Knight instinctively tries a clothesline, but Alf drops down and hooks his feet around Knight's leg, putting him off balance and causing him to crash facefirst into the still upright ladder. Knight holds his jaw as he lies on the mat as Alf repositions the ladder and makes his first climb for the belt. COLE Now it's Alf's turn to make the climb. COACH Come on, Knight, stop him. Alf is able to climb a bit more quickly and is nearly halfway up the ladder when Knight reaches up and grabs the back of his pants to stop him. Alf turns so his back is against the ladder and tries to kick the challenger away, but Knight fires off a few punches to the gut and turns around, facing the same direction as Alf and grabbing his wrists. He pulls forward and drops to a sitting position, sending Alf flipping off the ladder and slamming him hard into the mat. He covers. 1...... 2.......shoulder up. Knight grabs Alf by the hair and tosses him to the outside on the other side of the ring. He follows him out and delivers a couple of hard kicks to the gut before grabbing him by the hair again and slamming his face into the ring steps. Knight walks over to the second suspended ladder and loosens one of the bungee ropes from it, walking over and wrapping it around Alf's throat. COACH Now Alf gets a little taste of his own medicine. Knight releases the choke and drops the cord, kneeling down and lifting the ring apron up to dig under the ring and come up with a steel chair. COACH My "moles" in the ring staff told me that eariler today both men were seen putting plenty of weapons under the ring for them to use in this match. Believe me, there's some nasty stuff under there. Knight swings the chair as Alf gets to his feet, but the champion ducks and the chair slams against the ring post causing Knight to drop the chair and shake his hands in pain. Alf bends over and picks up the chair, jabbing it into Knight's gut to double him over before bringing it down across his spine. And again, which leaves Knight on all fours on the floor. COLE Alf focusing on the back of the challenger, the same strategy he used at AngleMania. Alf detaches the other ladder from the cell holding it horizontally, sliding it into the ring so that half is on the mat and half is hanging over the floor. Alf rolls into the ring and stands, looking over to the outside as Knight climbs to a knee. CABOOSE What's he looking for here? Alf charges across the ring and bounces off the ropes, getting a head of steam as he runs back, throws his feet forward and...... *CRACK* "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Dropkicks the ladder, sending it right into Knight's face and causing him to slam into the cell fence before he flops back to the floor. COLE Alfdogg propelling the steel ladder right into the challenger's face. CABOOSE Look, look, he's gonna fly! Alfdogg pulls back on the top rope and slings himself over the tope rope, looking for a plancha.........but he lands right in the arms of the challenger. Knight charges and rams Alf into the ring post......and again......and again before scooping him and slamming him onto the floor. Knight checks to see if he is bleeding (he isn't.....yet) and adjusts the ladder on the apron until it is in the same position that Alf had it minutes ago. Knight backs off a few steps and crouches a bit, waiting for Alf to get back to his feet. Alf stumbles back to his feet, his back to Knight as he shakes his head clear. Just as he turns Knight charges...... *CRACK* "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" And boots the ladder right into Alfdogg's face. COACH Nice! CABOOSE This is a battle of one-uppsmanship right now; whatever one man does, he gets it right back. As Alf holds his face on the floor, Knight gets another chair from under the ring and picks up a bungee cord. He loops the cord through the backing of the chair and walks to the cell wall to loop the cord and secure it so that the chair is basically attached to the fence like the ladders were. COLE Knight's got a plan here, guys. COACH Damn right he does. And it means nothing but pain for the "champion". Knight shoves the ladder into the ring as he passes it and picks up Alf's legs, giving him a boot to the junk for good measure before he drags him along the floor towards the suspended chair. Knight looks behind him before he scoops up Alf's legs so that only his head and shouders touch the floor. COACH Do it! Knight smirks evilly and nods before he falls back, causing Alf to catapult upwards...... *CRACK* And smack his face right into the suspended chair. "OHHHHHHHHH!!" Knight holds onto the legs as Alf flops down, falls back again..... *CRACK* "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" And drives Alf into the chair again. Knight STILL won't release Alf's legs as he comes down again and shakes his head before dropping back a THIRD time..... *CRACK* "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" And sends Alf into the chair once more. COLE Oh, God. THREE times into that suspended chair. Alfdogg might have a serious concussion right now. CABOOSE I think Alf's busted open, guys. Knight pulls Alf up by the hair and, seeing Alf's face, smirks, confirming Caboose's thought. He slams Alf's head into the fencing and grabs a handful of hair, slowly raking Alf's face left and right across the mesh to open the cut up further. He tosses Alf into the corner of the cell and delivers a pair of knees to his gut, following up with a series of kicks that leave Alf in a sitting position with his head slumped against the wall. Knight buries a foot into his throat and tries to squeeze the life out of the champion before putting his boot on Alf's forhead and scraping it against the cut with a Face Wash, repeating the motion three more times before pausing to soak in the boos from the crowd once more. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" COLE Well, we knew that we were going to see some blood in this match and Alfdogg's the first man to provide it. COACH Courtesy of Peter Knight, of course. Knight unhooks the chair and tosses it into the ring before dragging a bloody Alf up and rolling him back in as well. He pulls Alf's face up off the canvas and beckons the cameraman to get close. KNIGHT Here's your champion. Here's your OAOAST "legend". "LET'S GO ALF!" "LET'S GO ALF!" "LET'S GO ALF!" "LET'S GO ALF!" Knight pulls him up and tosses him into the corner, pummeling him with repeated forearms before he picks up the ladder and presses it against him once more. Knight jogs to the opposite corner and readies to charge. COLE Oh no, he did this earlier in the match. Knight runs.... leaps......... *CRACK* "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" But the ladder meets him in mid-air. COLE Ohh, Alfdogg just THREW that ladder at the challenger. That may be a BIG momentum swing. COACH Come on, PK. You still got him. CABOOSE Notice that neither man is even trying to go for a pin or climb the ladder. Each man just wants to completely incapacitate the other right now. Alf rubs his forehead and the red he sees on his hand seems to rejuvinate him. He walks out of the corner and picks up the steel chair. "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Look out here; Alf's got the chair now. CABOOSE Like I said, what one man gives, he gets. Alfdogg readies the chair and waits for Knight to woozily get back to his feet. When the challenger turns....... [b]*CRACK*[/b] COLE Ohhhhh!!!!! Ohhh, what a chairshot!! You could hear that impact all over the Rockies. CABOOSE Look at the dent in that chair! Indeed, we see that the seat of the chair is severely dented as Alf drops it to the mat. Alf drags the challenger off the mat and pulls him to the corner, slamming his head into the turnbuckles a few times before he picks up one leg and drapes it on the middle rope, followed by the other to leave Knight in a Shattered Dreams position. CABOOSE What's this? COLE What is Alf doing now? Alf kicks the chair out of the ring.....and picks up the ladder. "OHHHHHH!!!" COACH No. He's not thinking about..... CABOOSE Yes, I do know what Alf's thinking about. Alf holds the ladder like a battering ram and walks to the corner opposite Knight. Knight begins to come to and looks around quizzically, wondering how he got into this position. He looks forward....and sees Alf charging toward him with the ladder. COACH No!! No!! The same words escape Knight's mouth, but Alf's made up his mind already......as he drives the top of the ladder into Knight's gut and groin. "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Men all over the world grab their groins in sympathy as Knight lets out a agonizing groan. His eyes start to roll into the back of his head, so he doesn't see Alf back up a few steps, charge....and do it again. "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COACH I don't care how much you hate a guy, you do NOT treat another man's junk like that. You just DON'T. Alf loosens Knight's legs from the ropes and he flops facefirst to the mat. Alf rolls him onto his back and goes to his legs, scooping them so that Knight is in a slingshot position, falls back and propels Knight OVER the turnbuckles and causing him to hit the top of the post face first. COLE He hit the post! Knight cleared the turnbuckles and hit the post! CABOOSE And now HE'S bleeding! COACH No! Dammit, this isn't fair! CABOOSE Anything goes, my negro amigo. Knight flops to the canvas as Alf picks up the ladder and sets it under the belt before dropping on top of Knight with a pin. 1........ 2....... 3!!!!!!!-----NO! Shoulder up! Knight barely gets his shoulder up, preventing Alf from getting his head start. However, Alf still gets to his feet and begins the climb. COLE Alf tried to get his 20 second head start, but Knight JUST got his shoulder off the canvas. It would have made things easier, but Knight may be out of it anyway. Alf makes slow but steady progress as Knight uses the ropes to get to his feet. He sees Alfdogg halfway up and stumbles over to the other ladder. He holds it vertically and jabs it at Alf to slow him down and allow Knight to set his ladder up next to Alf's. The Denver crowd rises as one as Knight begins to climb. COLE Two ladders now in play with both men climbing. Who is going to get to the belt? CABOOSE And who is going to feel some extreme pain in a moment? COACH Knight and Alfdogg, in that order. Alf boots at Knight as he gets within reach, but Knight shakes off the blows and continues climbing. Alf switches to fists as the challenger becomes level as both men are about 3/4ths up the ladder at this point, the belt mere feet away from reach. Right from Alf..... Right from Knight..... Right from Alf..... Right from Knight...... Right from Alf.....DUCKED BY KNIGHT!! Knight wraps his arms around Alf's neck and turns so that he's facing the same direction Alf is. COACH Going down! Knight leaps off.....and drives Alf face first into the mat with a cutter off the ladder!!! "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" COLE You could call that a modified Knightmare off the ladder! Oh my word! COACH Now THAT'S a momentum changer. "HO-LY SHIT!!!" "FUC-KIN' SWEET!!!" "HO-LY SHIT!!!" "FUC-KIN' SWEET!!!" "HO-LY SHIT!!!" "FUC-KIN' SWEET!!!" Both men lie on the mat, Alf face up and Knight face down. Neither man is moving very much. "LET'S GO ALF!! COME ON PE-TER!! LET'S GO ALF!! COME ON PE-TER!! LET'S GO ALF!! COME ON PE-TER!! LET'S GO ALF!! COME ON PE-TER!!" COLE Now some of the crowd is pulling for the challenger. COACH They've finally seen the light. Time to jump on the bandwagon of the REAL champion. Knight is the first man to move as he slowly crawls over to Alf and drapes an arm onto him. 1......... 2........ 3!!!!!!!!!!! COACH He got him!! The title is his!! CABOOSE He's gotta climb to get it, dumbass. COACH Yes, but Alf has NO CHANCE to stop him now. BUFFER Peter Knight has scored a pinfall. He now has a 20 second head start. Knight gets to his feet using the ropes once again and shakes his head to clear it. He walks over to the ladders and pushes one over to the mat and making sure it is out of the way. COACH Never mind the spring cleaning job, CLIMB! Hebner's count reaches 10 as Alf rolls around on the mat....and drops to the floor! COLE Alf's on the floor! You might be right Coach. Knight puts his feet on the bottom rung and rests a bit to gather his remaining strength before he makes his climb. Hebner finishes his count and turns his attention to Knight as he makes slow progress towards the belt. CABOOSE Knight may be going slow, but Alf better get his ass in the ring now if he wants this match to continue. Knight passes the halfway point on the ladder and is a few feet from the title belt. He pauses again to catch his breath as his body begins to wear under the strain of the match. "LET'S GO ALF!! COME ON PE-TER!! LET'S GO ALF!! COME ON PE-TER!!" COLE The crowd is still 50/50 for both men as Knight inches closer and closer to the belt he claims he never really lost. CABOOSE What is Alf doing? The cameraman catches Alf's legs sticking out from under the ring. He appears again dragging out a large brown knapsack or backpack which he flings onto the apron and pushes under the bottom rope. COLE Alf's pulled out a bag of some kind. What is in there? COACH Doesn't matter, because Knight is within reaching distance. Knight reaches up and swipes at the belt but only manages to get a fingertip on it. Meanwhile, Alf unzips the bag, reaches in.....and pulls out a long, thin flourescent tube. "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" COLE That's a...... CABOOSE No way. COACH Knight's almost got it! Knight climbs a bit higher and reaches up one more time as Alf gets to his feet. Knight grasps the belt..... COACH YES! *CRASH* BUT GETS A LIGHT TUBE SMASHED ACROSS HIS BODY!!!! "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH WHAT THE FUCK!? Alf pushes the ladder......and Knight falls off right into the ropes which snaps him back violently to the mat. "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" CABOOSE Alf's pulling out ALL the stops tonight! Alf folds up one of the ladders and pushes it out of the ring before he walks over to the bag and picks it up. He tips it over, spilling out it's contents. COLE My God, there's gotta be nearly two dozen light tubes in that bag. COACH He's SICK. That bastard is SICK! CABOOSE No, he'll just do anything in his power to stop a madman like Knight. Alf pulls the other ladder towards the corner of the ring and piles the tubes into a small mound in the center before he drags the challenger to his feet. The crowd once again stands, awaiting what Alf has in mind for him. COLE Alfdogg may be about to put the challenger away for good. Alf grabs Knight's arm and whips him off the ropes. On the rebound, Alf picks him up and a SPINEBUSTAHHHHHHH.....NO! Knight grabs Alf in a front facelock in midair and lands on his feet with the tubes in front of him with Alf standing with his back to them. Knight throws Alf's arm over his head, knees him in the gut and grabs his tights. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" COACH DO IT!!! COLE Knight's gonna suplex him stomach first onto the tubes!! Knight lifts him up......NO, BLOCKED!!! He tries again, but Alf blocks him again and knees him in the gut to loosen Knight's grip. Alf drops down.....AND GIVES THE CHALLENGER A LOW BLOW!!!! "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COACH Dammit, what did his crotch ever do to you? Alf slings Knight's arm over his head, hooks the tights and picks Knight up. He bounces his feet off the top rope to slingshot him over...... down........ *KEEEERASH~!* AND SLINGSHOT SUPLEXES HIM ONTO THE LIGHT TUBES!!!! "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE Oh my God. OH MY GOD!! CABOOSE Glass is everywhere! "OAT TOAST RULES!! OAT TOAST RULES!! OAT TOAST RULES!! OAT TOAST RULES!!" COACH Damn.......just......damn. Knight rolls off the now broken tubes and shakes on the mat. Pieces of glass are seen embedded in his back which opens up small cuts all over it. CABOOSE That's a gruesome sight. Alf stands and, with the help of Hebner, sweeps all the broken and unbroken tubes out of the ring. Alf looks over to the ladder and a roar comes up from the crowd (mixed with a small but vocal amount of boos). COLE Alf's got nothing in his way now. Alf walks over to the ladder.....and walks past it. He leans against the ropes and looks up at the ladder, at Knight, and back up at the ladder again. He climbs through the ropes and, after shaking his head and clearing the blood from his eyes, climbs to the top turnbuckle, the same corner where the ladder is. COLE What is he doing? Alf puts his hands on the top of the ladder to steady himself and looks up to the rafters, seemingly asking for some divine help before he hops up......leapfrogging OVER the top of the ladder....... *WHAM* "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" And driving his body into Knight with a Five Star Alf Splash! COACH WHAT!? CABOOSE You have got to be [i]kidding[/i] me! COLE Alfdogg just leapfrogged a ten foot ladder and hit the Five Star Alf Splash on Peter Knight. I have NEVER seen anything like that in my life! Alf flops on top of the challenger for the count. 1.......... 2........ 3!!!!! COLE He got the pin! Now he's got 20 seconds to climb for the gold. CABOOSE I don't even think Knight will be conscious at that point. BUFFER Alfdogg has scored a pinfall. He now has a 20 second head start. Hebner begins his count as Alf stumbles back to his feet using the ropes. The count reaches 6 as Alfdogg begins to drag the ladder he just leapfrogged to the center of the ring. The count is 10 as Alf begins his climb, but Knight is still out of it on the mat. COLE Alf begins the climb, but he only has half of his head start left. CABOOSE Look at Knight, Cole. Hebner can count to 200 and he would still be counting the lights. COACH Get up! Please get up!!! Alf climbs very slowly, every inch of his body hurting from what it has endured in this match. Knight begins to stir as Hebner finishes the count, but Alf is nearly halfway up. COACH He's coming to. Peter, get your ass over there and stop him!!! CABOOSE I think this may be it, guys. Knight's getting up, but Alf is almost there. Alf reaches a hand up, but he is still a few feet away so he starts climbing a few more rungs. The crowd begins to cheer, seeing that Alf is just seconds away from retaining the belt. COACH Knight's crawling!! HURRY UP!!! Alf reaches up again and brushes the bottom of the belt, causing the cable it is attached to to sway slightly. COLE One more rung and Alf has it. Alf steps up one more rung and reaches up.........but suddenly the ladder shakes, almost knocking him off balance. Alf looks down to see Peter Knight on his knees in front of the ladder, shaking it to try and knock Alf off. Alf tries to reach up again, but again Knight shakes the ladder, causing Alf to have to steady himself again. Knight gets to his feet and begins to yank the ladder left and right, actually lifting one side of it off the mat as he does so. COACH Yes!! Knock him off!! COLE Alf is teetering! I don't know if he can stay up there much.....Knight's tipping it!! Knight pulls the ladder to the right, sending it down...... down....... down to the mat. COLE Wait, LOOK AT ALF!! "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" The crowd gasps as Alf is seen hanging from the hole in the cell, the title belt still on it's hook to his left. CABOOSE Alf is hanging [i]fifteen feet[/i] above the ring!! COACH Yes!! Yes!!! He's helpless!! Knight kneels next to the ladder on the mat. He looks through the ropes, assuming that he'll see Alf laying there unconscious....but nothing is there. Puzzled, he looks to the crowd and sees people looking upwards so he looks himself and sees Alf hanging precariously from the hole. His jaw drops slightly in surprise, but the surprise quickly turns to an evil smile. COLE Knight now sees Alf's predicament, and I don't like that smile. COACH What? He knows that he has this match won. Alf's too weak to climb to the top of the cell and a 15 foot fall is going to put him out of it for good. Knight drags the fallen ladder to the other side of the ring.....and hoes to the outside. CABOOSE What's he doing? Just climb the ladder and get the belt. Knight kneels down and lifts up the apron, digging underneath the ring until he comes up with what he was looking for...... ...a glass table. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" COACH YES! His secret weapon! COLE That's.....that's a glass table! What's he got it here for? CABOOSE He should be climbing for the belt! COACH He'll get to that. Knight slides the table in and rolls in after it, picking it up and walking to the middle of the ring. He kicks away a few loose broken lighttubes and unfolds the legs, setting the table up and looking up, making adjustments until the table is right underneath Alf. CABOOSE Oh my..... COACH Table for one. Knight looks up and lets out an evil laugh before he walks back over to the ladder and props it up to the left of the belt. Alf looks behind him and sees the ladder. He waves his feet at it, hoping to hook his legs around it, but all he hits is the belt which spins on it's hook. COLE Knight purposely put the ladder out of Alf's reach, and now he's climbing. COACH He's got it, Cole! The title is going back where it belongs! The crowd boos as Knight begins his climb. As he does so, Alf tries to pull himself up to the top of the cell and makes some progress, getting most of his torso onto the roof and leaving his legs dangling. Knight sees this and begins to climb a bit faster as he reaches the halfway point. COLE Alf's almost pulled himself up, but it may be too late. Knight is taller than Alf, so he doesn't have to climb as high to reach the belt. Knight climbs another rung as Alf swings one leg onto the roof. Knight reaches up, but he is still a bit short. Alf swings his other leg up onto the roof as Knight climbs one more rung, but he is still a bit short as he reaches and slaps at the title belt. CABOOSE Alf's on top of the cell! COACH And Knight's one more rung from glory. Knight climbs one more rung as Alf crawls along the roof around the hole to the left side where Knight is. Knight reaches for the belt and grabs the metal ring........ ....but Alf grabs his hair. "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COACH NO! COLE Alf's stopped the challenger for the time being, but he's still gotta fight him off. Knight nails Alf with a right which Alf returns. Another right from Knight is answered again by Alf. Right by Knight....... Right by Alf...... Right by Knight...... Right by Alf...... HARD right by Knight...... ANOTHER right by Knight...... COACH Knight's got him! Another right......but Alf gouges his eyes!! Alf grabs Knight's head and slams it into the steel bar that helps form the hole. And again!! COLE Knight's teetering on the ladder!! COACH NO!!! One more time into the steel.....and Knight falls down...... down...... down..... *CRASH* AND THROUGH THE GLASS TABLE!!!!@~!~!~!~!!~ [b]"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"[/b] COLE and COACH OH MY GOD!!!! COACH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! [b]"HO-LY SHIT!!!" "FUC-KIN' SWEET!!!" "HO-LY SHIT!!!" "FUC-KIN' SWEET!!!" "HO-LY SHIT!!!" "FUC-KIN' SWEET!!!" "HO-LY SHIT!!!" "FUC-KIN' SWEET!!!" "HO-LY SHIT!!!" "FUC-KIN' SWEET!!!" "HO-LY SHIT!!!" "FUC-KIN' SWEET!!!"[/b] CABOOSE I can't disagree with that sentiment. Alf looks down as Hebner checks on Knight as he convulses on the mat before he looks over to the belt. He sits on the edge of the hole and manages to get his feet onto the ladder. He climbs down a few rungs and makes sure he is steady before reaching over, grabbing the title belt......and ripping it off the hook. COLE It's OVER!!! Thank God, it's over. *DING DING DING* As [i]Magnum Opus: Father Padilla Meets the Perfect Gnat/Howling at the Moon[/i] plays again, Alf kisses the belt and cradles it in his arms as the door is unlocked and officials storm the ring to check on the challenger. COLE Let's get the official word. BUFFER LLadies and gentlemen, the winner of the match.....and STILL The One and Only Anglesault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the WORRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLD......AAAAAAAAAAAAAALFDOGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!! "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" The crowd in the Pepsi Center is on their feet not only cheering the winner, but the absolute insanity they just witnessed. Alf climbs down the ladder and into the arms of Earl Hebner, who takes his arm and raises it to the sea of flashbulbs from the fans. EMTs check on Knight and Alf walks over to look at him. Hebner tries to step in, but Alf waves him off, assuring him that he won't do anything. Alf looks at a bloody and unconscious Knight, over to the belt on his shoulder and back over to Knight before taking a deep breath and raising the belt in the air. COLE Peter Knight said that he was going to do anything to win this match, and there is no question that he did. However, Alfdogg showed that he has the heart of a champion. CABOOSE I swear guys, I've never seen an ending like that in my life. COACH Knight was so close......so goddamn close again. I give Alf his props, but Knight took him to the limit. Alf walks out the cell door and walks up the ramp backwards, still looking at the scene in the ring as a stretcher passes him on the ramp. He continues to walk up the rampway until reaching the top. There, he turns back towards the crowd and raises both arms into the air. "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Flashbulbs sparkle off the title belt and the bloody and battered champion as he soaks in the victory. COLE Alfdogg is just taking in the moment after what may have been the greatest victory of his career. We hope to have an update on Peter Knight's condition this Thursday night on HeldDOWN, but until then we thank everyone out there for tuning in to School's Out '06. For Jonathan Coachman and Caboose, I'm Michael Cole. GOODNIGHT from Denver!! [b]Fade to black[/b]

Speaking of Graphics vs. Gameplay, I got my new EGM the other day and in it was an interview with Satoru Iwata about the Wii and the question of the Wii being less powerful than the other two consoles came up. It is a VERY interesting interview and after reading it all (it's in the June EGM and probably will be on EGM's page at 1up.com soon), I'm even more inclined to go with a Wii.

If you have an In/OnDemand service with your cable, there's a look at the new season along with a 15-minute or so "comedy short" that's pretty good. If you don't, you can watch the short here and read an interview with Denis Leary here.

Will PK make good on his promise to give Alf a preview of what he's in for in Stairway to Hell? Tune in.

So now that 24 has wrapped up and LOST does so on Wednesday, I can move on to my next favorite series. Last season had Tommy's son die, Lou get taken by a prostitute, the only female firefighter on the show leave and Teddy get arrested for shooting the drunk driver that killed Tommy's son. The premiere is next Tuesday at 10 on FX. I remember that there are SOME fans of the show around here.

I'm sure that boat scene took place some hours/days/months after Jack was taken. As others have said, next season will probably start some months after that day concluded. Here's my rankings: Season 1 Season 5 (Yeah, I need to catch up quick)