KingPK

This week the OAOAST heads north of the border to the home of the Canucks and about 300 versions of the Stargate TV series, Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. Into the arena we go as 14,000 Vancouverians Vancouverites Canadians are ready for another edition of the flagship show of everyone's favorite parody e-fed. MICHAEL COLE We are live here in Vancouver for HeldDOWN!! COACH The old stomping grounds of my 24/7 BABY GURRRRRRRRRLLL~! *WHAP* CABOOSE Shaddup. COLE Thank you. Good evening everyone, Michael Cole here along with Coach and Caboose at our usual spot in Sofa Central ready to call the action. Tonight we've got a HUGE main event for you, one many are saying should be a PPV main event. In a steel cage, Zack Malibu defends his HI-YAH Heavyweight Championship against the Samoan Tsunami, Faqu. Also the trio calling themselves the Wildcards will also be in action in a tables match against Los Diablos Del Fuego. Speaking of the Diablos, Moracca is going to have a little bit of a warmup to kick off the show. The questionable sounds of "It's Raining Men" fill the arena and the Canadian fans do not know quite how to react to Los Diablos De Fuego as they jig down to the ring. Mariachi rides an imaginary pony down the ramp while Moracca hands his pink sombrero to a ringside fan, giving him a seductive wink. Yes, him. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by Mariachi and their mascot, El Oveja! He weighs in at one hundred and seventy one pounds... hailing from Cabo San Lucas, MEHICO! He represents Los Diablos De Feugo... MMMOOORRRRRAAAAAACCAAAAAAAA!!! CABOOSE Is that a blow up sheep doll? COLE Yes, that's El Oveja, Los Diablos' new mascot. CABOOSE Why's there a hole in the bottom of it? COLE As I said, Moracca of Los Diablos De Fuego in action to start things off, taking on "The Natural" Christian Wright. This will be Christian's first match without Bohemoth by his side in the OAOAST and it'll be interesting to see how he gets on, against certainly one of our more 'unique' workers. There's history here, Los Diablos being responsible for Christian and Bohemoth's defeat to Chicks Over Dicks at AngleMania earlier this year which was one of the major factors in Wright and Bohemoth's break-up. *BREEEAAAK!* The well trained fans boo wildly as "Tear Away" by Drowning Pool hits, the new entrance music of the former HI-YAH World Heavyweight Champion, Christian Wright. Striding out through the entrance doors, Wright holds his hands aside and waits in the spotlight lighting up the stage before pulling away his hood and striding on down the aisle. BUFFER And, his opponent! From Raleigh, North Carolina...he weighs two hundred and thirty three pounds. The OAOAST 2005 Rookie Of The Year... "THE NATURAL"... CCHHHHRRRRRIIIIISSSSTIIIIIAAAANN WWRRRRIIIIIIIIIGGHHHHHHHHHTT!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Jogging his way up the ring steps, Christian stops on the apron and disrobes of his...robe...tossing it on top of a nearby stagehand before entering the ring. Mariachi and sheep doll quickly leave the ring as Wright glares across at Los Diablos, with noted distain on his face. COLE Christian Wright seems very eager to remind everyone about his status as Rookie Of The Year, but you could argue that he really hasn't lived up to that billing so far this year. CABOOSE Why do you think he's always pointing it out? It's the only thing he's accomplished all year. *DINGDINGDING!* The bell sounds and we are underway, with the unorthodox Moracca skipping across the ring merrily to lock up. In no mood for games, Wright shrugs that lock up attempt away and buries a knee into the gut, clubbing Moracca over the spine with a forearm and making his intentions perfectly clear in the process. "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" COLE And there's the chant, starting up early. Wright seems even more fired up now as he wraps on a tight headlock, grinding his forearm across Moracca's ear in the hope of cauliflowering it up. In moves referee Charles Robinson, but although Moracca's a little affeminate he's not that weak to quit from a headlock. Landing some forearm to the ribs, Moracca weakens up the headlock before backing off the ropes, shooting CW off the otherside. Wright shoots back at Moracca tries to stand up to him, but ends up going down from a shoulder block. Off goes Wright again, Moracca rolling over onto his front for Wright to go up and ove...NO! Moracca pushes up as CW goes over, tripping him up and causing him to land flat on his face! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Coming up holding his nose, Wright wheels around and Moracca catches him with an armdrag! Up comes Wright, into a second armdrag from Moracca! And Wright completes his misery by walking into a third armdrag, leading into an armbar by Moracca. COLE Unorthodox he may be, but don't count Moracca out. Los Diablos De Fuego had a pretty good record down in OAOVW and became staunch fan favourites in the process. COACH But they're not the 2005 Rookie Of The Year! COLE Not you too. Wright clambers up in the armbar, ending up getting the arm wrung for his trouble. Rather than work on the hold or keep it tightened up or even keep it properly applied, Moracca instead places Wright's hand on his chest, guiding it down towards his crotch...which is thankfully cut off by another knee from CW! The morality man then slaps Moracca upside the head for his lurid behaviour, before snapping him over with a vertical suplex for a cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Roughly hauling Moracca up, Wright slams in a forearm and then a second, before whipping Moracca off into a corner. However, Moracca lands chest first on the top turnbuckle, able to manoeuvre himself up and over the top to the apron. Momentarily surprised, Wright delays his charge, eventually running and getting slapped across the chest for his trouble. Locking fingers with The Natural, Moracca climbs the ropes and tumbles in, taking Wright over by the arm lucha style! COLE There we go! Again, Moracca showing what he can do! Wright pulls himself up as Moracca hits the ropes, shooting himself out into a wheelbarrow position. Catching the Diablo, Wright manages to counter and as Moracca pushes up off the mat Christian catches him in a waistlock. But unfortunately for Wright, Moracca decides he likes this position, bumping and grinding with a dirty smile on his face! COLE Oh Lord. Disgusted, Wright pushes Moracca away and tries to dust off the gay he's left behind, but leaves himself open for a schoolboy rollup from Moracca... 1... 2... Kickout! Scrambling up Wright begins to charge in, but so does Moracca. Thinking himself the wiser, CW ducks his head...but Moracca goes up and over with a sunset flip... 1... 2... Kickout! Beginning to reel a bit, Christian is backed up against the ropes by Moracca and sent off the other side, rebounding back and taking an inverted atomic drop! Wright instantly clutches his 'area' and in a surprising show of sportsmanship, Moracca attempts to help him out by offering to rub it better. Wright doesn't appreciate the gesture though and wipes Moracca out with a clothesline! COLE You get the feeling that Christian is lacking a little confidence tonight, because so far Moracca who is a predominant tag team wrestler is having the best of this match. CABOOSE I know Wright's had a bad run recently, but losing to Moracca would top everything he's lost this year, surely. COACH Not gonna happen. CDub's smart, that's why he's the Rookie Of The Year and Bohemoth wasn't. Wright continues to favour himself but pulls Moracca to his feet, draping his arms over the ropes... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and lashing him with a knifedge chop. Moracca grimaces in pain, at first, before rubbing his nipples. Yeah, and I can't believe I wrote that. Confused as to what to do, Wright goes to the gut with another knee before pulling Moracca off the ropes. Chops, apparantly, don't have the desired effect so Wright instead slams a forearm across the side of the head before scooping Moracca for a slam. Moracca is able to go up and over, landing behind CW. Quickly Wright lands a back elbow to stop Moracca from capitalising, then takes him over with a crisp Belly To Belly Suplex! Making sure not to put too much body on body, CW follows up with a pin... 1... 2... Kickout! Wright applies a simple rear chinlock to try and slow Moracca down, but Moracca pushes up and sits out with a Jawbreaker! The whiplash effect sends Christian retreating backwards and into the corner, where Moracca runs in and crushes him with a clothesline. Winded, CW slumps down against the bottom turnbuckle, as Moracca lights up. CABOOSE Oh no, he's not. COLE I think he might be. Folks, if you didn't put the women and children to bed already, now might be a good time. Moracca happily slaps his cheeks, Mariachi applauding him on as he backs up towards CW...AND GIVES THE NATURAL THE STINKFACE!!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAA - EEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!" COACH That's wrong. So so wrong. For what seems an eternity Wright finds himself with Moracca's BUTT rubbed in his face, but finally he manages to push him away. Clearly pleased with himself, Moracca skips over to Mariachi who has climbed onto the apron and gives his tag partner a hug. Wright meanwhile pulls himself up, trying to swat away the smell from his nostrils and failing. Out he staggers, into Moracca who performs a simple double leg takedown before floating over into a Jacknife pin... 1... 2... Kickout! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Wow, Moracca almost had him! What an upset that would have been! CABOOSE That's a little debatable, with Wright's form. Both men come back up and it's Wright who strikes this time, a European uppercut knocking Moracca into the corner. Down to the bottom turnbuckle drops Moracca and unlike Wright, Moracca is more than willing to stay sat. Looking down with disgust, Wright is beckoned on by Moracca, the fruity Mexican licking his lips in anticipation... ...and slowly, Wright smiles. COLE Uhm...what the hell's going on? What's going on is Christian Wright backin' that ass up! Moracca eagerly awaits the Stinkface and Wright seems willing to oblige, slapping his ass as he backs towards Moracca. COLE Am I seeing things? Have Los Diablos De Fuego converted the convertor!?! Backing up, Wright shakes what God gave him as he approaches Moracca, eyes closed, waiting with baited breath. Not seeing Wright stop short, tapping his temple. *SMACK!* "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE HE BROKE HIS FACE~! COACH YES! I TOLD YA, HE'S A GENIUS!! Shocking Moracca with a mule kick right in the face, Wright kills Moracca's buzz flat. Moracca writhes in pain holding his face, until Wright then hauls him up, the smile long gone now as he hooks on a front facelock. Up goes Moracca...and with a twist, DOWN goes Moracca! COLE Converting The Sinner!! 1... 2... 3!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And just like that, there goes the losing streak! Christian Wright picks up a crucial victory! BUFFER Here is your winner... The OAOAST 2005 Rookie Of The Year... CHRISTIAN WRRII... *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Wait, what!?! COLE OMGIT'SPIMPHEMOTH~!~! The crowd go bananas as striding down the ramp comes The Meterosexual Monster himself, Bohemoth, suited and booted and stylish as ever. Christian panics and bails from the ring, hiding himself up beside Sofa Central as Bo casually strides to the ring where Mariachi is busy checking on the fallen Moracca. Jogging up the steps, Bo enters the ring and stares at Wright through orange tinted sunglasses, totally stoic. "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" Pensive even to be in the same arena as his former bodyguard, Wright hops over the barricade and begs for the bigman not to think about following. Bohemoth watches on for a moment before slowly removing his sunglasses. Folding up the shades, Bo places them carefully in his front jacket pocket, before taking a step forward... ...and DESTROYING Mariachi with the MURDERLINE~! COLE Woah! Wh...what the hell was that for!?! CABOOSE Maybe Bo remembers getting glitter thrown in his eyes at AngleMania by these two fruit baskets. The crowd seem stunned for a moment but soon cheer on the ultra cool Bohemoth as he pulls Mariachi back up. Moracca remains down and hurt as Bohemoth scoops Mariachi up into his arms, parades the Mexican around, before spinning him out, around and DOWN with the Erotic Awakening Of B!! Mariachi quivers on the canvas, Wright watching on in horror, as Bohemoth now lifts Moracca up. Stooping low, Bo hoists up Moracca, turning swiftly and PLANTING Moracca with a Front Spinebuster, ONTO Mariachi!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Bohemoth has just destroyed Los Diablos De Fuego! And look at the look of fear on Christian Wright's face! The decimated Los Diablos cuddle up to each other for consolance as Bohemoth retrieves his shades from his pocket and puts them back on. And without further motion or word, Bo takes a last glance at the cowering Christian Wright before turning and abruptly leaving. "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" COLE I think Bohemoth has just sent a message loud and clear to Christian Wright, who has still yet to accept his former bodyguard's challenge for a match at The Great Angle Bash! And if I were Christian, I'd be inclined to keep things that way! COACH Bo's just a power guy. Sure, he looked impressive beating up Morachi and Marracas, but CDub proved tonight that he's smart. He won with his brains, not just his brawn and if Bo got his match at The Bash, he'd be outsmarted just the same. CABOOSE I'd heal up quick if I were the Diablos, since they've got more work to do later on. COLE I don't even want to know how they recuperate. Bo doesn't take a second look back, walking stoicly back up the ramp as Wright takes his leave through the crowd. The arena lights go out, save for the big screen, which flickers to life with the sound of a death bell. On the screen: Heroic music starts to slowly build as footage from Bloody, Battered and Beaten '04 flares to life, distorted with dust and scratches and in black and white: Black slowly moves over to the corner, shaking his head clear, and starts to climb the cage. His progess is slow now, loss of blood and all the punishment he’s taken dulling his speed. When Dan is almost at the top of the cage, Poet suddenly rolls up! The crowd POPS hugely! Poet runs to the corner and starts to climb up after Dan! Black reaches the top and tries to pull himself up, but Poet slams a forearm into his back! Dan almost falls but steadies himself. Poet climbs past Black and crouches on the top of the cage, with Black hanging onto the cage just below. JR Ohhh, I don’t like the look of this! Poet jumps over forward, grabbing Black’s tights as he falls, and both men hurtle to the mat, with Poet POWERBOMBING Black down! Black is DRIVEN into the canvas with horrendous impact, and Poet crashes down too! Cut to: OAOAST Dirty Deeds As the events of the match unfold, the heroic music continues to soar as a VOICE talks over the match. Coach:"What do these guys have to DO to each other in order to win?" Poet pulls Zack up to his feet, but Zack uses a schoolboy out of nowhere...KICKOUT...Poet rolls through, grabbing Zack with a double underhook, Pedigree style as he gets up...Zack backdrops out...SUNSET FLIP BY POET...KICKOUT BY ZACK...Malibu rolls over and grabs Poet as he's getting up...POP DROP~! POP DROP BY ZACK MALIBU~! THE POET IS OUT~! 1!! 2!!! 3!!! NO! NO! SPIDERPOET KICKS OUT TO A HUGE ROAR FROM THE CROWD~! HE KICKED OUT OF THE POP DROP~! VOICE: Life. And Death. MC:"Listen to these fans, Coach! Listen to the response these guys are getting!" Stunned, Zack has no idea what to do. He pulls Poet over a bit more, within range of a top rope move, as that's where he's going. Zack points upwards, and then starts his climb, with his back to SP. Shockingly, the Poet starts to stir as Zack is climbing, and comes over to Zack, trying to pull him down! Zack kicks away, but Poet climbs up, trying a back suplex off the turnbuckles, but Zack elbows back, staggering the Poet and eventually driving him off, as he goes crashing to the mat. Zack makes it to the top turnbuckle, perching himself up there, but Poet shakes off the cobwebs and gets up, only to be met with a boot to the face! TORNADO DDT...BLOCKED~! Poet hangs on, and lifts Zack back up, placing him back on the top rope! Poet hits an open handed chop that nearly cracks Zack's chest open, and climbs up the ropes as well. The two men trade blows, each one jockeying for position, and SP grabs a facelock, trying to get Zack up and over, but the ex champion does his best to prevent it! Zack hits SP in the ribs, and then grabs him in a facelock, throwing him down to the mat front suplex style, and SP goes SPLAT~! on the mat! Zack gets his balance, and stands up on the top rope, ready to soar through the air. SP stands up, and looks up to see Zack flying at him with a picture perfect bodypress... AND CATCHES HIM WITH A TILDEBANG IN THE AIR~! SP TILDEBANGS MALIBU OUT OF NOWHERE~! COVER~! 1~! 2~!! 3~!!! WINNER:Spider-Poet in 19:44 Both men lay on the mat, as the fans go wild. The third time has been the charm for Spider Poet, as he finally defeated the one man he seemingly never could. The referee checks on both, and Candie slides in to check on Zack, as the fans roar is drowning out the sounds of "Short Stories With Tragic Endings". VOICE: We think we know how its all going to work out. Play by the rules, do the right thing and it all works out. Poet is brought to his feet in the corner by the referee, while Zack regains his composure across the ring, with Candie making sure he's OK. A large SP chant starts up, but Poet does not acknowledge it. Instead, he starts coming towards Zack, limping on his bad leg. Candie turns to see him coming, and steps aside, as the two men lock eyes. Malibu comes out of the corner, and now these two weary warriors are in the dead center of the ring, covered in perspiration and out of breath, after having just put on a great match. The last match in SpiderPoet's career. SP extends a hand to Zack, and Zack looks down, and accepts the handshake, and then the two hug to a huge cheer from the crowd. Suddenly, streamers of various start flying into the ring, as fans are tossing them at SP in celebration of his career. Another "SP" chant starts up, so Zack Malibu and Candie each take a corner and climb up, working the crowd up even moreso and encouraging the SP chants. Poet, his eyes now showing signs of tears, stands in the center of the ring, looking out to every side of the arena and pounding his heart, then pointing out to all the fans. Zack and Candie come down, and each one of them take Poet's arms and raise them up high, taking part in this final moment. A moment that not only the fans, but that the OAOAST will remember. We are watching these scenes and we pull away from them, through a monitor screen. Back just a bit more and turn around to see a figure clad in black, complete with a black leather coat. VOICE: We think we've watched the sun set on some things. Some lives, some hopes, some careers. But sometimes fate intervenes and we find ourselves back in old lands. His arms are crossed and he's watching it intently. And he looks familiar . . . it's . . . SpiderPoet?! The camera halts on the reveal of his face and we can hear the crowd POP. And just then the screen goes black with a bass drop and we see the word ANGELUS fade up. Fade to black. Commercial break

Well for the next few more weeks it'll revolve around Ultimate Fighter, which is on at 10 Eastern. If I have everything by 8-9, it'll go up then but if I'm waiting on one or two matches/segments, I give them until 11 to send it in and it is up by midnight at the latest. I try to be punctual because I know how people hate waiting.

Honestly, I didn't have the money with me because I was planning on going to another store in the mall to pick up the new Scrubs DVD and I only brought enough money to cover it and whatever I was gonna buy at EB. But I'm sure if I told him that, I'll hear something like "It's only $14.99. You have that kind of money on you, right?"

So I checked the weather and we're in for YET ANOTHER multi-day rainstorm until Saturday. So if tomorrow's game gets called as well, does that mean we're gonna have a 7-game Sox/Yanks series over four days in August? Fun.

I gotta bitch for a second. So I went to EB yesterday to take advantage of their sales that I posted earlier. I get what I want and come to the counter to pay. The guy goes into the same spiel that he gave the guys ahead of me about their whole "Edge" card and all the savings I can get from it, blah blah. I politely listen and then tell him I'm not interested today. His answer? (With a confused look and in a smart-ass manner) "So you don't like saving money?" What the fuck? A simple "Ok, but consider it for the next time you come here because it's a good deal" would have been fine. Don't get prick-ish with me because I'm not falling over myself to save $5. Seriously, I would have done it the next time I went there, but that guy's attitude just turned me off from it immediately. Though happily I did trade in 4 games I barely play for MGS3, Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory and NCAA Football 2005 and only paid $25. That should tide me over for a while. I'm only a couple hours in, but I already think MGS3 is the best of the series....and I haven't even reached one of the much loved boss battles yet.

I absolutely loved last night's episode. It had a good mix of comedic and dramatic elements, but I was kind of surprised that they would have Tommy find out about his brother and ex the very next episode (usually these things are drawn out). They definitely introduced/moved a lot of storylines along (Franco and the older woman, Probie possibly leaving the house, Tommy and his brother) Next week's show (which looks like it should be called "Sean Scared Shitless") should be really good as well.

Scrubs Season 3

Draft order Yeah, Gammons and everyone else has been saying this is a pretty weak draft, but if you are looking for recognizable names, I believe both Jeffery Maier and Danny Almonte are eligible this year.

Apparently someone in WWE watched WM 11 recently and still thought Pam Anderson was still A) hot and B) relevant.

HEADS UP FOR CHEAP BASTARDS: EB is having a Buy 2 used games, get one free sale this week along with a couple of trade-in specials New Trade Deals The 2 bulleted trade deals run for the current marketing period. Trade in 2 Xbox 360 Games and get $10 extra in credit Active Now (ends 6/13) Trade in 4 PS2, Xbox, GC, PSP, or DS games and get $10 extra in credit Active Now (ends 6/13) Trade in a Xbox 360, PS2, Xbox, PSP, DS, or GC system and get $20 extra in credit

Someone go to Baltimore and tell the Yankees to save some of this suck for the next four games. And Chasing Bagwell is over as Manny ties him for 31st all time on the HR list.

Ah, there's the sucky Clement. As soon as batters show a modicum of patience it all goes to hell for him.

Clement is surprisingly un-sucky today, though the Tigers are swinging at some pretty poor pitches. I'm cringing at Pauley pitching at Yankee Stadium, though.

We haven't been to Canada in a while, have we? MAIN EVENT: Zack Malibu © vs. Faqu for the HI-YAH Heavyweight Title (steel cage match)

A new month brings some new developments. I'm really looking forward to Zack-Faqu next week.

I mean, this was Matt's THIRD MMA fight of his career, of course he's not gonna be sharp technically. Mike was surprised early by Matt's strategy change and it completely threw him off.

Nichols fought like ass out there. He was like Hughes' guy last season that completely choked under pressure (EDIT: Mike Whitehead, I think it was) Like you guys said, Matt's stand-up worked here, but it's gonna get him killed in the semis if he uses this strategy again. And they've already started filming on TUF 4.

Why people still drink Sprite when Sierra Mist is RIGHT THERE befuddles me. It tastes better AND it doesn't feel like you're chugging folic acid.

RE: Booking threads If you have segments planned for HeldDOWN, PLEASE post what you plan to submit in the booking thread no later than 9PM Eastern on Thursday. This way I can create an outline for the show and just plug segments in the allotted spots should they be late. You don't have to go much into detail (or you can use spoiler tags), just post something like: Thank you. Than

THE CHAMP IS HERE! Know Your Role 99 hits and Tha Puerto Rican comes through the curtains as boos fill the arena. COLE And we're ready for a World title defense from Alfdogg, just four days after a Stairway to Hell match with Peter Knight! BUFFER The following match is for the HEAVYWEIGHT championship of the WORLD! It is scheduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring, weighing in at 220 pounds! He is a former THREE-TIME Puerto Rican champion, and recently, he held the OAOAST 24/7 championship, for one full year! Ladies and gentlemen, from San Juan, Puerto Rico, the challenger...THAAAAAAA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! COACH And I think it's going to go down as the last mistake Alf made as World champion! PRL slides into the ring, as Magnum Opus: Father Padilla Meets the Perfect Gnat/Howling at the Moon hits and Alfdogg makes his way out. BUFFER And his opponent, weighing in at 240 pounds...he is the REIGNING and DEFENDING TWO-TIME OAOAST Heavyweight champion of the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLD...ALFDOGG!!!!! Alf makes his way down the aisle and slowly rolls into the ring, where he is immediately jumped by PRL! *DING DING DING* COLE And this match is underway! CABOOSE And unfortunately, I'm going to agree with Coach, I think Alf made a big mistake taking this match! PRL stomps away at Alf, backing him into a corner. He then whips him hard across the ring, and catches him coming out of the corner with a spinning wheel kick! PRL plays to the crowd, before whipping Alf into the ropes, and catching him with a Samoan drop! PRL applauds himself, drawing boos from the crowd, then covers... 1... 2... Shoulder up! COLE Two-count for PRL, as Alf obviously not 100 percent here tonight, and it looks like you two are right about Alf's decision-making thus far! CABOOSE Maybe so, but I also know what Alf's capable of, and if anyone can pull out the win here, it's the champion of the World. Alf rolls into a corner, where PRL follows him and fires off right hands. PRL then brings Alf out and delivers a Russian legsweep, and drops fists right between the eyes of Alf! After three fistdrops, PRL goes for a cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE And another kickout by Alf, let's not forget, you heard at the beginning of the match that PRL is a three-time Puerto Rican champion, it was Alf that ended his third and final reign, about 11 months ago almost to the day! PRL whips Alf into the corner once again, and goes for a Stinger splash, but Alf moves out of the way! COLE And possibly an opening for Alf to mount a comeback here! Alf fires off a couple weak right hands, then goes for a suplex. PRL slides behind the back, and delivers a beautiful German suplex! 1... 2... NO! Alf kicks out! COLE It's been all PRL here in the early going! PRL picks Alf up, and gets him in suplex position. COACH Here we go, baby! We're about to crown a new champion! PRL picks Alf up, and delivers a vertical suplex! CABOOSE Looks like the Corporate Trifecta coming up! PRL lays for a second, then rolls through, picks Alf up, and delivers a second suplex! He lays for a second, rolls through once again, and picks Alf up another time, letting the blood rush to his head while doing the "You can't see me" hand gesture, then carries him to the ropes and delivers a slingshot suplex! PRL sits up and applauds himself, drawing boos from the crowd. PRL leans back and covers... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Very arrogant cover by PRL there! COACH He can afford to do that at this point, though, look at Alf! CABOOSE When you've got a chance to be on top of the mountain for the first time in your career, you've got to give it everything, you're not going to get a pinfall like that in a world title match! PRL slowly walks over to the corner and climbs the top rope. COACH Looks like he's going for everything right here, 'Boose! PRL poses on the top rope to boos, then leaps off with the MAD CAPPA CRUSHER 2003~!!!...but Alf rolls out of the way! COLE And Alf JUST able to avoid that one, or we'd be looking at a new champ, I'm sure! The referee begins his count... 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! Alf sits up, and slowly gets to his feet. PRL follows, and is met with a right hand! Then another! A third! PRL goes to the eyes, and sets up THE ANNEXATION OF PUERTO RICO~!!! However, Alf backdrops out, and as PRL comes back at him, Alf gets a BELLY-YO-BELLY SUPLEX! Alf waits on PRL to get up, and goes for a superkick...but PRL ducks, and delivers the LATIN SLAM~!!! 1... 2... NO!!! Alf gets a shoulder up! COLE No, it's a two-count! COACH I thought that was it! CABOOSE Alf just can't get it going tonight! It's looking more and more like there's going to be a title change right here on HeldDOWN~! PRL goes into a corner, then waits for Alf to sit up. When he does, PRL comes at him with a NECKSNAP~! and the LIGHTNING SHOCK~!!! He picks Alf up slowly, taunting the crowd along the way, and tosses him outside the ring. He follows him out, and whips him into the steel steps! PRL then rolls back into the ring and applauds himself, and the crowd showers him with boos as Alf climbs back into the ring. COACH You're looking at the next champ, guys! PRL slaps Alf as he tries to get to his feet, then pulls his hair in an attempt to pick him up. The referee steps in to reprimand him, allowing Alf to deliver a low blow! COACH Come on, where you at, ref? CABOOSE I don't care what kind of shape you're in, that'll change the tide of any match! Alf delivers a T-BONE SUPLEX~! to PRL, then slowly gets up and whips PRL into the corner. He walks in to follow, and delivers CHOPS~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!!!!! Alf with another chop! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!!!!! A third! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!!!!! Alf then sets PRL on the buckles, follows him up, and delivers a SUPERPLEX~! COLE And Alf has finally got it cooking! Alf hops up, and the crowd goes crazy! PRL begs off, but Alf goes in and delivers a snap suplex! Alf then goes to the top rope, as the crowd noise escalates...and comes off for the FIVE-STAR ALF SPLASH~!!!!!11111 However, PRL brings the knees up, and Alf bounces off and goes flying all the way to the other side of the ring! CABOOSE But all it takes is one little move like that to put a guy like PRL back in the driver's seat! PRL signals the end, and grabs Alf, setting up the CORPORATE NIGHTMARE~!!!!!11111...however, as he starts to perform the move, Thunderkid hops out of the crowd and blasts him over the back with a chair! The referee immediately calls for the bell, disqualifying Alf! *DING DING DING* PRL turns over, and sees TK looking down on him, and immediately starts to beg off! COACH Ho, boy! TK, you really saved Alf's ass tonight! COLE TK has arrived, and you know PRL's cheap shots are fresh in his mind! TK starts to raise the chair in the air, when Vitamin X and the Cuban Wall rush down to the ring! TK meets VX with a shot to the head, then sends a shot to the gut of Wall, and slams the chair across his back! Mr. Boricua slides into the ring and catches one in the back, as well, as Alf uses a belly-to-belly to send VX right over the top to the floor! PRL slides out, as TK and Alf send Wall and Boricua over the top on opposite sides of the ring with stereo clotheslines! COLE And Alf and TK stand in the ring! COACH Alf's not standing all that tall! He better pray to God that PRL NEVER gets a rematch! The LC guys stand in the aisle, as Alf and TK stare them down from the ring. COLE Alf holds on by the skin of his teeth, thanks to TK, but you have to wonder what kind of retaliation the Lightning Crew has in store! But we're gonna have to wait until next week because we're out of time. For Caboose and Coach, I'm Michael Cole saying goodnight from Salt Lake City! Fade to black

JOSH MATTHEWS Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, making his return to the OAOAST tonight after a one-month suspension, the former 24/7 Champion, “The Corporate Champion” THA PUERTO RICAN! And yep, The Corporate Champ himself appears on the screen standing next to Josh Matthews in the OAOAST HeldDOWN~! interview set. PRL still looks the same, except for the fact that he now actually has hair on his head, and some facial hair under his jaw. PRL is in his wrestling attire, in addition to wearing sunglasses, an earring on his left ear, and a smile. J. MATH P.R. welcome back to the OAOAST. “THE CORPORATE CHAMPION” THA PUERTO RICAN Good to be back! JOSH Now P.R., even though you were suspended for the month of May, you still made your presence known when you attacked Thunderkid during the Heartland Sunday Detention Challenge. (Footage is shown of PRL low blowing Thunderkid, and then giving him the Corporate Nightmare, followed by dragging Thomas Rodriguez on top of him for the pin.) PRL smiles watching the footage. JOSH MATTHEWS And that wasn’t the first time you attacked Thunderkid either. Back in April at Living Anglelously, you attacked Thunderkid with a steel chair during his match with Reject. So, P.R., what I want to know is, why have you been targeting Thunderkid all of a sudden? What’s your beef with him? THA PUERTO RICAN First of all, never use the word “beef” again. And second of all, well, it’s kind of complicated. You see Thunderkid is a friend of Alfdogg. Alfdogg, as you know, is the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion. I want to become the World Heavyweight Champion. But I had yet to be given a title shot yet! So, in order to get a title shot, I’m willing to do anything and everything. And by anything, I mean attack Alf’s friend, Thunderkid! I’ve already attacked him twice, and, damn it if it weren’t some of the best sneak attacks I’ve ever done! HA! HA! That jabroni never saw them coming! The crowd boos. PRL So, now, Alfdogg has gotten the message: I’m coming for him and his title! And it just so happens that tonight, on HeldDOWN~!, I will in fact be going after Alfdogg, when I face him, mano-e-mano, for the One And Only AngleSault Thread Title! That’s right, ol’ PRL will be receiving my much deserved World Title shot TONIGHT! COLE Tonight!? PUERTO And tonight WILL be the night I become Champion! I have waited a lifetime for this moment! And sure, I’ve failed in the past, but DAMN IT! Tonight, on June 1, 2006, I WILL BECOME THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! Some fans actually pop when they hear this. PUERTO RICAN (CONT’D) I spent a year reigning as the 24/7 Champion. And that was fun; I’m not going to lie. But it wasn’t the pinnacle of my career. It’s time for me to move on to the next level, and that level is the World Title. And tonight…my time will come. Tonight on HeldDOWN~!, in front of the thousands of Lightning Bolts in the arena, and the millions and millions of Tha Puerto Rican’s fans watching around the globe, they will watch LIVE as The Corporate Champion…becomes the World Heavyweight Champion! PRL takes a moment to let the fans boo. THA PUERTO RICAN So Alfy, hope and pray that you come out of this match without too many injuries, because tonight, I am storming like a Tarfur after you and your—MY belt! Yes, it’s my belt. It’s been my belt all these years; people have just been keeping it warm. But tonight, the belt comes home with Tha Puerto Rican. So Alfdogg, watch out for the lightning strikes, because tonight, my friend, you are going to suffer a CORPORATE NIGHTMARE! PR removes his sunglasses and looks directly into the camera. THA PUERTO RICAN THE CHAMP HAS SPO-KUN~!!! PRL leaves the interview set. JOSH MATTHEWS Guys, back to you. Cut to Triple C. Caboose is ecstatic. CABOOSE TONIGHT? PRL is going to become World Heavyweight Champion TONIGHT!?! COLE It’s not definite yet, Caboose. CABOOSE Pfffft. Of course it’s definite. It’s going to happen tonight, people! Tha Puerto Rican will become the World Champion of the OAOAST tonight live on HeldDOWN~! I can’t wait! The main event can’t come fast enough! COACH Caboose, you do know that PRL has come up short in EVERY ONE of his title shots. He failed to win the title in the Unlucky 7 Elimination Chamber Match at Deadly Game 2003. He failed to win the title against Stephen Joseph Popick TWICE. He failed to win the title against Peter Knight three months ago. He didn't win Battlebowl last year. And let's not forget that PRL has been in three consective Lethal Rumbles, and he has never won any of them! CABOOSE Well, that’s in the past. Just because it happened in the past doesn’t mean it’ll happen again! No. Tonight is the beginning of a whole new era for the OAOAST. The PRL Era! Alfdogg may have survived the Stairway To Hell, but there’s no way he’s surviving the wrath of Tha Puerto Rican! Alfdogg better get use to the fact that he’s not going to make it to the Great Angle Bash as Champion. Nope, my man PRL is going to take the gold. And it’s going to happen tonight! Tonight! TONIGHT! TONIGHT!!! TOOOOOOOOONIGGGGGHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111 GreatAngleBash! 2006 The 5th Anniversary! June 26th, ONLY on Pay-Per-View!! COACH Okay, we've put this off for long enough...I wanna see the video. Ned Blanchard paid his money, he deserves to have his opinion heard. CABOOSE That's democracy for you. COLE Do we really have to show this? ... COLE Okay, I'm hearing from our producers that we do. I really want no part of this. **MACKENZIE DE CENZO PRODUCTIONS** *IN ASSOCIATION WITH THE OAOAST* -FINANCED BY OUR GOOD FRIEND, AXEL- *PROUDLY PRESENT* *bah, badda bahbahbah baaaaaaahhhhhhh!* ~~SLAVEHEART~~ -or- "FROM JADE TO NEDDY..." ------------------------------------------------------ -Sunday, May 28th 11:42 PM- If I asked you the last place you'd expect to see a HI-YAH Tag Team Title retaining celebration party, McDonalds might very well be high on your list. But that's exactly where we open as we see The Beverly Hills Blonds and Mackenzie DeCenzo lounged around one of those horrible hard plastic tables, with the rest of the tables virtually deserted. Filmed handcam style, presumably by Simon Singleton, we see Ned Blanchard on the opposite side of the table with the two HI-YAH belts sprawled out on the table. Coming into view, Mackenzie DeCenzo brushes the belts away and sets down the tray, shuffling up beside Simon. BLANCHARD Well, let's see what we have...grilled chicken salad for me. Lovely. Got to keep the diet going, even if we are celebrating. Another chicken salad, that's yours Mackie. And Simon has the Bacon Double Cheeseburger, surprise surprise. No wonder you dragged us here, you're addicted to these damn things. You realise this is two and a half hours on the exercise bike when we get back. Okay uhm, drink, drink, straws...OH, and of course, we have a very special meal for our very special guest. Sliding down the double seat, Ned moves out of the way to reveal Jade Rodez squashed up on one of the Ronald McDonald party area children's tables, doing untold damage to her spine. Cheeks stained with tears, Jade hangs her head sadly, trying to ignore the sniggering from the table beside her as a bag is dumped in front of her. BLANCHARD There we go, one Happy Meal. I hope you like raw carrots. (feigning sadness) And dry up those tears Cookie because I made sure they put the little toy in there especially for you. Now, eat up. Jade chokes back some more tears, determine not to give the patronising Ned the satisfaction. SIMON (off camera) So Ned, how about some words about the win for all our fans? BLANCHARD (turning back around) Words, words...well, what can I say really? The Beverly Hills Blonds remain undefeated and now begins a month of celebration. I can't wait, I really can't. But you know Simon, beneath this confident facade lies both worry and anxiety. I honestly don't know how I'm going to last the month. Good stamina is the calling card of a successful athlete but even a man like Ned Blanchard has his doubts. Hence the salad. We should really draw up a rotar. OAOAST commitments, general chores, extra-curricular activities, more general chores, sex sessions. SIMON (off camera) Is that legal? BLANCHARD Relax, I'm kidding. Checking Jade isn't listening, Ned leans in towards Simon. BLANCHARD (whispering) I'm not kidding. ------------------------------------------------------ -Tuesday May 2nd 2:14 PM- Flash cut to Ned Blanchard's flash bachelor pad in West L.A, which unlike most bachelor pads is actually clean. Then again, most bachelors don't have their very own slave. The camera pans around the living room to take in all the sights...the red leather couchette, the zebra print rug sat underneath the glass coffee table, the large plasma screen T.V on the wall. Oh, and the pictures on the mantle. One of a typically sour faced Krista Isadora Duncan with her arm around The Handsome Hustler at what seems to be the gates into Disneyland, one publicity photo of HollyWood and one picture of Ned's daughter Maya. Okay, tell a lie. It's Maya's ear and left arm posed off to the side of Nicole Ritchie. We pan around again to Ned Blanchard sat in his leather armchair wearing just a dark blue dressing gown and a pair of boxer shorts. Let's not go into detail. SIMON (off camera) So, how's the feeling out process been going then Ned? BLANCHARD Heh...'feeling out'. SIMON (off camera) I know, I planned it out. 'Networking' didn't seem as dirty, so I cut it. BLANCHARD Good move. SIMON (off camera) So? I tell you, you do look tired. BLANCHARD Well, the bad news is that I've had the lawyers on the phone and basically, slavery only goes so far. You'd think the government would have better things to debate than the legal rights of slaves. I don't know. Suffice to say I can't do certain things without permission. SIMON (off camera) *tuts* This country. BLANCHARD I know. But the law doesn't prohibit me from getting her to give me sponge baths. I've never been so clean. We're working out the more intimate stuff with the lawyers, but until then, as you can see the house is looking spotless. Mama Rodez, if you're watching this I want to compliment you because you taught your daughter well. She can cook, she can clean. She looks great in a French maid's outfit. I'm not sure if that's your doing but either way, I do congratulate you. SIMON (off camera) So, where's the lucky lady right now? BLANCHARD Knocking me up some lunch as we speak. Barefoot, naturally. SIMON (off camera) You're a man's man Ned Blanchard, a man's man. You think she can fix me up with something? BLANCHARD Sure...after all, there's nothing against the law about forcing her to cook for me. Well, nothing that'll see me locked up and the key thrown away at least. Wrestling contracts are wonderful things, they transcend the law to certain points that open up wonderful doors. Tell her I sent you and she'll make you whatever your heart desires. The camera and Singleton goes to leave, but Ned holds him off with a hand. BLANCHARD By the way, I got Jade to oil the hinges on the bathroom door. She usually showers about nine, half nine in the morning. SIMON (off camera) Gotcha. ------------------------------------------------------ -Tuesday May 2nd 2:18 PM- *BONUS FOOTAGE* SIMON (off camera) So that's steak, medium-rare, with peppercorn sauce. Oh and while you're waiting for it to cook, I want you to sing "Sex Bomb" by Elton John. And dance. JADE Sure thing, Ned...oh, WAIT, you're not Ned and I don't have to do jack for you. Simon presumably doesn't appreciate this backchat and begins to answer back, when suddenly the kitchen door swings open to reveal Mackenzie DeCenzo. In her arms is a small (as if there's any other type) chihuahua, wearing a plaid coat and bonnet. Yeah, I know. She's Hollywood baby. The place, that is. MACKENZIE Oh, hi Jade, busy cooking are we? Good to see. I'll have some of whatever Ned's having. And open up a bottle of wine while you're there would you, I've got some good news. SIMON (off camera) Yeah? MACKENZIE I just got back from head offices and the t-shirt deal looks very prosperous indeed. So, the wine? SIMON (off camera) Oh, she only does jobs for Ned apparantly. Mackenzie snarls a little, as Jade turns to face them defiantly. MACKENZIE Really? Well, I own Ned's contract which makes me just as entitled to anything he's earnt as he is. T-shirt sales, financial bonuses, any slaves he might have won by beating upshot nobody tag teams. So, I suggest you grab the corkscrew. And open up and expensive one wouldya, because this is very, very good news. Now, I'm going to leave Honey in here with you. Try not to step either of your chubby hamhawks down on her because she's a very precious dog... (brings dog up to her face) ...aren't you? Yesyouare, ohyesyouare you'realittlecutiepieyouare! Realising there's a camera in her face, Mackenzie slowly moves the dog away from her face and refinds her place in the real world. MACKENZIE Just so you know, Honey's got a bit of a dodgy stomach and she's prone to vomiting. So, I'm going to need you to trail her around and if she leaves you any treats, try to clean them up before they make too much of a stink. Now, are we understood, or should I get Ned in here to 'explain'? JADE ...no maam. MACKENZIE Good girl. Setting down 'Honey', Mackenzie pats the dog on the head before going back out of the kitchen, merrily whistling away. Ever the astute cameraman, Simon makes sure to get the emotional shot of Jade sadly wiping a tear from her eye and reaching for the wine cooler before he too leaves. ------------------------------------------------------ -Wednesday, May 31st 10:52 AM- "And two and stretch, And three and jump, C'mon, work those thighs!" Changing things up, we get a voyeuristic shot of the Blanchard living room as The Handsome Hustler is busy going through his daily workout routine. Adjusting his headband, Blanchard is sweating pretty heavily as he exhales and leans over the couch. Pointing a finger to the T.V Ned then gives a signal...which is when we first see Jade Rodez stepping into view. Looking noteably uncomfortable, Jade positions herself in front of the T.V while Ned grabs the remote and fast-forwards his fitness video. SIMON (off camera) Oh yeah, give me something to work with Neddy... Settling on the right part of the video, Ned presses play and sits himself down on the couch behind Jade. Whether she's noticed the camera or not isn't clear, but under duress, Jade joins in the workout. Stuck in a pink leotard that is admitedly a little too tight for her, Jade does a couple of star jumps, before we finally find out what's going on. "Okay now ladies, touch those toes..." Jade doesn't, turning around awkwardly to Ned who signals for Jade to get on with it. And she does, giving Ned and Simon the perfect view of Jade's behind. SIMON (off camera) Ned Blanchard you're a God. Making no secret about his intentions Ned leans forward to get a closer look, ignoring Jade's obvious discomfort at being perved over as he gives the big thumbs up to Simon and the camera. At that point though, the camera moves, as Mackenzie DeCenzo pulls Simon away from the ajar door and looks to see what's going on. MACKENZIE Good God, would you look at the cellulite on those thighs. SIMON (off camera) Looks okay to me. MACKENZIE You two disgust me sometimes, you realise that? Disgusting. Remind me never to change in the same building as you ever again. SIMON (off camera) Bolting the stable door when the horse is already out I'm afraid... Mackenzie glares at the camera. SIMON (off camera) ...uhm, kidding! MACKENZIE You'd better be. (looks back into the room) Oh God...you'd best turn that thing off. SIMON (off camera) He's not, is he? Looking nautious, Mackenzie nods. SIMON (off camera) ...he's my hero. MACKENZIE Ugh. ------------------------------------------------------ -Thursday, June 1st 8:04 AM- Stood on his porch, Ned Blanchard looks into the Los Angeles sky wistfully as birds twitter away in the background. SIMON (off camera) Ned Blanchard, it's been three days and I have to say you're looking a very happy man. So, a summary for the people? BLANCHARD Well, I'm hanging in there. These stupid rules and regulations I've had to put in the contract about no prolonged physical contact without consent...really beginning to get to me, Simon, I don't mind telling you. It's a tease is all it is. A tease. So I'm having to pick my spots a little more carefully. Probably for the best, there's no telling how quickly I'd have got sick of her with no boundaries. The fun of the chase Simon, the fun of the chase. SIMON (off camera) Why do you always get philosophical around birds? BLANCHARD They sooth me. SIMON (off camera) Fair enough. Sighing, Ned turns away from the sky and back to the camera, still lounged up on the rail behind him. SIMON (off camera) You know, this could be a running thing with the camera. I'm pretty good at it. Just need a name, like 'The SiCam'. BLANCHARD Yeah, yeah, very good. Listen, we need to be getting away if we're going to make it to HeldDOWN~! on time so stick this on the end of what you've edited together and get it on a VHS. I want people to be seeing my face as I say these words. A camera's useless without an audience Simon. SIMON (off camera) True. Listen...can I sit in the back with Jade today? Just for a change. And by the way, I got a good upskirt of that blonde number last night while we were at that bar. Lighting was a little dim, but it's on the Director's Cut just incase. BLANCHARD You've done a good job with this video diary thing, so consider it done. You're a good friend and a beautiful man. The Beverly Hills Blonds embrace on the front porch, prompting a young child cycling by on his paper round to scream out "Brokeback Mountain" as he passes. Ned and Simon don't seem to hear as they break up their embrace and shake hands, before the feed finally cuts. ------------------------------------------------------ -CREDITS- Starring... "The Handsome Hustler" Ned Blanchard "Business Consultant" Mackenzie DeCenzo and Jade Rodez Head Cameraman Simon Singleton Assistant to Mr. Blanchard Jade Rodez Mr. Blanchard Wardrobe Courtesy of Somewhere Very Expensive Directed by Simon Singleton Based on an Original Idea by Ned Blanchard "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE I...I feel sick. COACH When I grow up, I wanna be Ned Blanchard. No kidding, the guy's a stud. Fantastic! COLE Let's...let's go to a commercial so I can go vomit...please. CABOOSE I'm with you. COACH Hey, Mr. Producer, make a copy of that for me. I'll pick it up after the show. UP NEXT: Alfdogg vs. Tha Puerto Rican for the OAOAST Heavyweight Title!! Commercial break

COLE Welcome back. This past weekend at School's Out, we were set for a three-way bout between three of Japan's hottest stars, as Yoshi Tanichiri and Dark Predator faced off with Ultra Shago for the HI-YAH Brave Cup Title. But, the high-flying action was short-lived, as the returning GIBRALTAR came out and laid out all three men by himself, including sending Tanichiri over the top rope with a Dominator that caused Yoshi to smash his nose and left palate bone completely, taking him out of action for all of this month. His manager, a new-look St. Andrew, came to the ring and threatened the entire locker room afterwards... COACH Gibraltar's the single most physically-imposing wrestler on the OAOAST roster right now, without a shadow of a doubt. He stands seven feet, five inches, and is packing an impressive 502 pounds of solid muscle! From what I heard, St. Andrew's set up this handicap match tonight because he feels like Sunday didn't deliver their message enough. Let's head to the ring! (Wide shot of the ring, as two plain white men in black trunks are shown) BUFFER Introducing first, weighing in at a combined weight of 440 pounds, the team of Jim Townsend and Bobby Rickles! Their opponent.. "A Bloody Murderer" starts up, and St. Andrew, with a flat-top haircut and pointed goatee, leads Gibraltar, sporting long, wet hair and wearing black slacks. They rush down to the ring, with Andrew crazily running circles around his monster and shrieking incoherently. Gibraltar shows incredible agility by leaping right onto the apron with both feet, then walking over the top rope easily. BUFFER Now residing in Israel...he weighs in at 502 pounds and stands 7'5"...he is GIBRALTAR! *BELL RINGS* The 6'1 Townsend starts off by walking up to Gibraltar, with fear in his eyes, and chopping upwards to reach the monster's chest! Gibraltar acts like it doesn't effect him at all. Townsend then comes charging off of the ropes and goes for a dropkick...and Gibraltar doesn't feel it! Townsend looks up at the beast in shock, then runs over to his corner and tags in Bobby Rickles. Rickles is very slow and tenative to climb into the ring. When he does, he walks in and kicks Gibraltar in the stomach...no effect. He kicks Gibraltar again and again...no effect. He finally decides to run and bounce off of the ropes, going for a flying back elbow...and just bounces off of the statue-esque monster! COACH He can't be human! Rickles, who's 6' and weighs 215 pounds, backs away quickly from the mammoth. He forces a tag in with his scared partner. Townsend slowly comes back into the ring, then comes off of the ropes immediately and goes for a bodypress...but gets caught with ONE ARM! He tries fighting out, but Gibraltar's one-armed grip is too much for his entire body! Gibraltar lifts him up while bringing his foot off of the mat, and stamps down for added impact on the huge bodyslam! The crowd pops upon impact, as Townsend bounces off of the mat, then rolls around crazily, holding his back in pain! COLE That's the definition of power! Townsend tags in Rickles, who climbs to the top rope. He launches off but gets caught by Gibraltar! Gibraltar throws him onto his shoulders and hits a leaping Samoan Drop! GIbraltar pops back to his feet, as Rickles rolls around like he's on fire! Rickles and Townsend group together, as St. Andrew runs around ringside with glee.They climb to their knees, trying to plan something out to combat the monstrous size and strength of their opponent. So, Townsend climbed on his partner's shoulders and they went to play chicken with the monster. Townsend goes nuts with shots to the side of the monster's face, as together, they're just the same height as him! But, none of the punches affected him. So, Gibraltar chopped Townsend SO loud and hard that it sends both men down to the mat! Townsend rolls to the outside, as Gibraltar picks Rickles up by the throat off of the mat, lifts him, and drops him with the Chokebreaker! COVER! ONE! TWO! THREE! BUFFER Your winner...GIBRALTAR! COLE What domination! Gibraltar isn't done! He picks up Rickles, lifts him for the Dominator, charges...and slams him down over the top and face-first on the apron! He goes to mid-ring and growls! Saint Andrew comes into the ring with a microphone! ANDREW I'm making this short...and sweet. Next week: OPEN CHALLENGE! Whoever wants the monster can get him! Let's go! Gibraltar marches out behind a VERY happy St. Andrew, as EMT's come out to get an obviously-injured Bobby Rickles COLE This is bad! VERY BAD! In an unknown underground location in the Vatican City A council of high ranking officials have been meeting on a weekly basis since before the Da Vinci code had been faked - even before the documents the Da Vinci code claims to be based on had been faked. These men all hold positions of power in organized religion, they’re all anonymous, they’re all dressed in red suits, black glasses and red gloves to retain their image of "The Men in Red" "Brothers, Brothers", for there were only men present RABBLE!! RABBLE!! RABBLE!! RABBLE!! RABBLE!! RABBLE!! "Order! Order!!" RABBLE!! RABBLE!! RABBLE!! RABBLE!! RABBLE!! "Are you guys just saying Rabble? All of you?" the chairman of the week asks. No one says anything. "Alright then let’s get down to our next order of business shall we?" Again nothing. "A little while ago we got wind of a modern Sodom and Gomorrah!" Collective gasps of surprise¤ "It’s true. By the joining together of so called professional wrestlers into a federation called OAOAST they created a den of iniquity not seen since J. Edgar Hoover’s Christmas parties. These people are sinners, they propagate SIN and smut on their weekly television shows and they have broken EVERY rule in the Good Book" The chairman places a red gloved hand on the Bible to make sure everyone knows exactly which book he’s talking about. RABBLE!! RABBLE!! RABBLE!! RABBLE!! RABBLE!! "Yes, yes I know it’s horrible, it’s disgusting" "It must be stopped" one of the others yells out "Yes!" "They must be converted" Once again the chairman agrees "They must be forced to wear little yellow hats to show their shame" That suggestion didn’t meet with approval. "We have been studying the federation for some time now and sin is rampant - I mean not just your average sins either, but the BIG ONES! Like Homosexuality" . . . "PUBLICLY DISPLAYED HOMOSEXUALITY - not the kind that hides behind a priest’s robes" RABBLE!! RABBLE!! RABBLE!! RABBLE!! RABBLE!! RABBLE!! "I knew you’d be offended by that. We’ve got womanizers, womanhaters and women thinking they’re as good as men. We’ve got people who’ve made deals with the devil, who thinks they’re god and even some Canadians... and we all know what a godless bunch THEY are." "There is only one answer isn’t there?" ¤ Collective gasps ¤ "Yes" "But... but he’s not been used since 1485" "Isn’t it about time then? I mean he can’t sit in our basement on ice forever! Who does he think he is? The pope??" The mention of the pope brings quite a few snickers from the people in the room. "No I’m afraid there is no other way - we must implement the S.I.T. protocol" ¤ Collective gasps ¤ "Stop that, you knew what I was going to say. Now I’ve been able to procure a cover story - an excuse for them to be there while they spread the good word. It’s an event - an orgy" ¤ Collective sounds of "aaaaah" ¤ "OF VIOLENCE!!" ¤ Collective gasps ¤ "It’s called the Great Angle Bash, even that sounds blasphemous after all there is only one TRUE Great being in the world - but it will give the S.I.T. a chance to interact with all of the sinners be it Zack Malibu, Jamie O’Hara, Brock Ausstin, the Sooner Bruisers or whomever." "Even Alfdogg?" "How do you know of Aldogg?? Have you been watching?" The man in red looks a little nervous as everyone else watches him. "Me? Heaven forbid (and it probably has) I have no idea who this Alfdogg is... nor do I know anything about any Beverly Hills Blondes ... in fact is there such a group? I don’t know... really." "You better not! Our man in the field will report back to us each week and give us a progress report and a "Soul Point standing" - any questions?" "I have one" "Yes?" "If my left hand offends me, the bible says to cut it off - but what if my right hand offends me after that? How do I cut that off?" ¤ Singular sigh and slapping of forehead ¤ "I meant questions about the S.I.T. you cretin!" No response "Exellent" -= 12 hours later in the dungeons beneath the subbasement beneath the Vatican City. =- A couple of technicians hurries back and forth between these huge glass tubes all covered with frost as they make preparations to turn them off. The tumes read "Ximenez", "Fang" and "Biggles" and are all ready. "Alright turn them off, wake up the S.I.T." the chairman says ¤ Plonk ¤ ¤ Plonk ¤ ¤ We-dow ¤ ¤ Sieu ¤ ¤ Ueis ¤ ¤ Zlop ¤ ¤ Dop ¤ ¤ Mop ¤ "Must you make those sounds?" "Yes sir, it’s a medical condition" "Very well" ¤sigh¤ "Proceed with the reanimation" In a very dramatic scene of such epic proportion that it would blow your minds the three huge glass tubes are defrosted and enveloped in smoke and laser light and everything It’s actually quite cool Shame you can’t see it huh? Well shame for YOU The doors on the tubes open and three shadowy figures slowly walk forward, only revealing their bright red Cardinal robes as they move out of the smoke. Then as the smoke dissipates the workers in the lab get a good look at the people they just reviewed "I... I didn’t expect" one says before passing out from horror. "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!!" DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!! (Back to Sofa Central) COLE ...... COACH ....... CABOOSE ....... ME ........ **JUST PRETEND THIS HAPPENED AT SCHOOL'S OUT~!** COACH Hey, what was that sound...sounded like a satellite malfunction. CABOOSE Oh, shut up. COACH No, seriousl... CABOOSE Don't make me get the bat. COLE Alright folks, we're in for a treat next here at School's Out because our colleague and good friend... CABOOSE He's not your friend. Don't lie about stuff like that. Don't make me get the bat. COLE ...our good friend Jesse "The Body" Ventura is standing by and who better to get the scoop on the situation involving Christian Wright and his, presumably, former bodyguard Bohemoth. We haven't seen either man since OAOAST Syndicated where the two had a major falling out, both have been kept from the arenas and been placed on alternate house show schedules in recent weeks to prevent any conflicts. And we hope to get our first comments on the issue here tonight, from Christian Wright. So, it's over to you Jess'. '~}-THE BODY SHOP-{~' VENTURA Michael Cole, I'm still Hollywood baby. You're not wealthy enough to be The Body's friend. COACH HA! VENTURA Ladies and gentlemen, this the Body Shop and I don't need to waste time with nicesties. I don't need to put myself over, like certain another little kid with his own little talk show that I could mention. But I'm not gonna waste time on him. It's the Body Rules and it's my way or the highway! So with that said, lets get this thing going. Ladies and gentlemen, my guest tonight, the 2005 OAOAST Rookie Of The Year... "The Natural" Christian WRIGHT! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" *BREEEAAAK!* The newly acquired theme music "Tear Away" by Drowning Pool hits as the casually attired frame of Christian Wright appears through the entrance, head held high despite the hostile reaction he's recieving. Christian looks out into the crowd with disdain (yep, I finally bought a dictionary and learnt how to spell it) and shakes his head at what he sees as he takes a detour from the ramp and down some handy steps, to where The Body Shop set has been specially set up. The fans around the stage continue to hurl abuse at CW as he shakes hands with The Body. "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" The chants start up early and Wright seems immediately flustered by them. Pacing around the set, Wright tries to focus on something other than the fans, which isn't really helping too much. VENTURA Okay Christian, before we get to the questions, first I wanna show you and these people what happened at OAOAST Syndicated. Roll the footage. We come back live... "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" ...and there's the chants again. VENTURA I think the footage speaks for itself there Christian. The question I wanna know is, is this the end of the road for Christian Wright and Bohemoth as a team? "YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" WRIGHT As you so correctly stated Mister Ventura, that particular footage does speak volumes. And after the heinous backstabbing perpetrated by my former associate, it would take considerable apology to sway my favour. VENTURA I'm gonna take that as a yes. Now, before you two had that falling out there'd been a lot of tension on both sides, because you two have been on one hell of a losing streak together. Do you think this split will be a good thing for you two or the final nail in your coffins...after all, you are the OAOAST Rookie Of The Year and you've failed to live up to that billing. Running a hand across his head, Wright is agitated by The Body's straight cutting questioning. WRIGHT Recent performances have merely been a blip on my record. My status as OAOAST Rookie Of The Year, awarded to me by the general public who secretly respect me but yet outwardly belittle my abilities I wish to remind, cannot be taken away from me, merely because of mishaps not of my doing. Need I remind you, I was proud holder of HI-YAH's World Heavyweight Championship belt and still would be to this day, where it not for Bohemoth's failure to restrain one Ms. Krista Isadora Duncan. Need I remind you Governor Ventura that I had the vaunted Love Doctors' HI-YAH World Tag Team Title reign clasped firmly within my hands, until Bohemoth bungled our attempts up by failing to recognise the rules of the contest. And need I remind you that the key ingredient of tag team wrestling is teamwork? Teamwork sorely lacking when Bohemoth left me unassisted, handicapped numerically against the combnation of The Heavenly Rockers at the aforementioned Syndicated telecast! VENTURA Woah woah woah! Lemme get this straight, Wright...you're blaming all your troubles on Bohemoth? WRIGHT I merely state this...without Bohemoth, the star of Christian Wright shall shine brighter than ever. However, the same cannot be said for my departed partner. Without a bumbling ignoramus providing my assistance I am confident that where-as this year I was awarded Rookie Of The Year, within six months I shall be under consideration for the accolade of outright Wrestler Of The Year! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" VENTURA I dunno kid, these fans don't seem to take your point of view. I get the feeling they think that their Rookie Of The Year vote would have been better off cast for Bohemoth. "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" WRIGHT Mere asthetics may appear more immediately pleasing to the untrained eye than technical ability, but the truth shall out. Jesse, you became reknowned for your aesthetic appearance during your successful career. But you more than anyone realise a body without brains serves no meaningful purpose. Your body did not procure you the title Governor of Minnesota. You have both significant brains and impressive brawn. VENTURA That is true. WRIGHT See, Bohemoth lacks that crucial first attribute. He lacks brains. His mental accument pales in comparison to mine. That simple fact ensures while my career shall flurish, without my brains behind him, Bohemoth shall soon become a distant memory in the minds of these people. And in our respective career, I promise you this OAOAST patrons...the ends shall justify the means. VENTURA Alright then, ladies and gentlemen, Chri... *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Understandably Wright is shocked to hear the rather crude intro to the rather crude "Liberate" by Disturbed cues up. And, understandably, he's even more shocked as none other than his former bodyguard 'The Meterosexual Monster' Bohemoth steps out in as snappy of a suit as you're ever likely to see, adjusting his collar before jogging down the steps leading to the set. All of a sudden, Wright isn't quite so cocksure of himself at the sight of this angry six foot seven...well, bohemoth. VENTURA Well bigman, I guess you've got something to say? Panicking, Wright tries to skulk off into the background, as Bohemoth is handed a microphone by Ventura. Bohemoth smiles wryly and lowers his tinted sunglasses as he looks out at the fans. Keeping the glasses lowered, Bo turns his attentions to Wright who stands at the opposite end of the interview stage, looking around nervously for a quick exit. BOHEMOTH Unlike you, I'm a man of few words, so I'm gonna make this nice and simple. You. Me. Great Angle Bash. *PHHFFT!* "YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Bohemoth throws down the microphone and storms back off the set, leaving Christian to stand and watch with hands on his head despairingly. Cool as the proverbial, figurative cucumber, Bohemoth doesn't so much as give a second look back as he disappears through the curtains. VENTURA Well, that was a bit of a turn-up huh? Christian Wright challenged to a match at The Great Angle Bash by his former bodyguard Bohemoth. I've earnt my paycheck, so that's the Body Shop, back to The C Squad at ringside! --------------------------------------- COACH Hey, there's that sound again. And why were they in a different build..... *WHAP* CABOOSE Shaddup. COLE Thank you. Anywho, this past Sunday at School's Out the OAOAST Heavyweight Title was on the line as Alfdogg and Peter Knight had a war in the Stairway to Hell match. Let's take a look at some highlights.... WHOOOOSH~! OAOAST School's Out Courtesy OAOAST Home Entertainment Available June 27th .....the house lights have darkened and a quartet of white spotlights shine on the steel cell as it begins to make its descent to the arena floor. Knight stops at the cell door, which is being held open by referee Nick Patrick, and pulls on the steel fencing, showing that it has some give, but not much. He steps into the cell and slides into the ring, immediately walking to the middle of it and looking up at the prize. Alf cracks his knuckles and takes a few deep breaths.......and charges into the cell, sliding under the bottom rope and immediately being met by a series of hard stomps. *DING DING* COLE We're underway! We switch to a series of still pictures so people will have to order the replay to see the match in full. Sorry folks. - Knight leaping into the air towards a ladder in the corner. *CRACK* "OHHHHHHHHHHHHH" - Alf dropkicking the ladder as it lies on the mat right into Knight's face *CRACK* "OHHHHHHHH" - Knight catapulting Alf into a chair that is attached to the cell *CRACK* "OHHHHHHHHHH!!!" - Knight driving Alf off the ladder with a cutter. - Alf hitting Knight with a light tube and then suplexing him onto a stack of them. - Alf hanging above the ring. - Knight and Alf fighting on top of the ladder. - Knight lying in the ruins of a glass table. - Alf grabbing the belt. - Alf raising it on top of the ramp while Knight lays in the ring surrounded by officials and EMTs. (Back to SC) COLE I still can't get over how that match ended, guys. CABOOSE Both men had their chances to win, but it was Alfdogg that was victorious in the end. COLE As we mentioned earlier, Peter Knight is not here in Salt Lake. He underwent emergency surgery late Sunday night to remove pieces of glass as much as 5" long from his back and upper torso. He also reaggrivated a right knee injury he had been nursing for a few months. Add to that a mild concussion suffered during the match and we will not be seeing the former OAOAST Champion for what doctors say will be as little as 4 weeks and as many as 8. We wish him the best on his recovery. Commercial break

Mrs. Spezia's Sweeties presents... OAOAST BACKTRACKER Courtesy of: School's Out -- The Encore Presentation OAOAST BACKTRACKER has been brought to you by Mrs. Spezia's Sweeties. She may be traveling the world and the seven seas, or dead in a ditch, but Mrs. Spezia's Sweeties own Little Debbie's freckled ass. Mrs. Spezia's Sweeties: Making you fat with mmm-mmm good snacks! CUT TO: "Mean" Gene Okerlund and the Heavenly Rockers at the HeldDOWN~! interview position backstage. MEAN GENE What a tremendous night of action it was at School's Out, much like we'll see again Sunday night, June 25th at the 5th annunal Great Angle Bash in Baltimore. All titleholders hoping history repeats itself that night after every championship was successfully defended at School's Out, including those of my guests at this time, still One & Only Anglesault Thread tag team champions of the world, Synth and Logan, the Heavenly Rockers! LOGAN To quote one of our favorite songs, Mean Gene, "Another one bites the dust." Ever since we've won the tag team titles at AngleMania V, they've been coming at us left and right, friend and foe alike. The latest being Vitamin X and the Cuban Wall, Brains & Brawn. But Vitamin C and the Commie Bastard were just like every tag team we've faced in our title reign, they talked a big game but in the end they were left looking up at the brights lights -- and there was nothing heavenly about these lights -- for the 1-2-3. Brains & Brawn are an up and coming tag team with a bright future ahead of them, but it's just that -- the future. We're the present. We're the now. And until the big man upstairs says our time is up, the Heavenly Rockers will continue to rock 'n' roll. SYNTH ROCK 'N' ROLL, BABY! MEAN GENE It's no surprise that every tag team in this sport is knocking on your front door for a shot at the titles. And as you know, coming up on the 25th is the Great Angle Bash. The card for that spectacular will become more clearer in upcoming weeks, but we know the tag team titles will be on the line as you defend against... THE BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS!? * SNAP * * SNAP * * SNAP * Paparazzi snap photos of Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard arriving at the interview position. None too pleased to see their most hated rivals are the Heavenly Rockers, who prepare for a confrontation. MEAN GENE Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard, what in the world are you doing here? This isn't your time. And I won't tolerate violence on the set. SIMON Easy, gramps. We come in peace -- an olive brance, in fact. There's a lot of history between the 4 men on this set, most of it bad, but I see no reason why the Beverly Hills Blonds and the Heavenly Rockers can't co-exist in the OAOAST. I'm sure they're about as tired bashing our brains in as we are of theirs. SYNTH Nah, it's always fun bashing yo' brains. SIMON (scowls) To prove our point, Ned and I would like to invite the Heavenly Rockers to the world premiere of "Slaveheart." The most anticipated summer blockbuster of the year. MEAN GENE You gotta be kidding me! There's gotta be some catch. SIMON I assure you, old man, the only catch is letting bygones be bygones. MEAN GENE And where's Jade Rodez? She's nowhere to be found. Neither is Mackenzie DeCenzo, for that matter. NED Jade is fine. Real fine, Liver Spot. She's barefooted and locked in my sex dungeon! (to Heavenly Rockers) How you guys doing, anyway? Long time no see. I hear you got engaged to my ex, Mann. Congratulations. Really. Despite our past differences, I wish you two the best of luck. I mean, if Holly had to end up with somebody other than me...well, I'm glad it was you, Logan. That way Holly can wake up every morning and realize the horrible mistake she made in not choosening her Neddy Bear, especially at night when she's in the mood and has to wait 45 minutes for that little blue pill to kick in, which by the time it does she's already asleep and you gotta go beat it in the bathroom to that black "Cosby" chick. SIMON They were all black, Ned. NED I see in pussy not race, brother Simon. Logan does a admirable job maintaining his composure throughout the verbal assault, smiling wrly at Ned, letting him ramble. GENE Is there a point to all this? NED Yeah. That everything is right in the world. The Beverly Hills Blonds and the Heavenly Rockers are both World tag team champions. Who knows, maybe one day we'll meet again. It's a shame we aren't getting the title shot at the Great Angle Bash, that way we can be the only team to win the OAOAST tag titles 4 times and hold them simultaneously with the HI-YAH tag titles, but we know it will be sometime before we're allowed another shot at the OAOAST tag titles. Hmm, unless it's title for title. Champion vs. Champion. You guys can play the Ricky Steamboat and Shane Douglas to our Steve Austin and Brian Pillman, as we'd unify the belts. SIMON You've already taken his girl once, Ned, we don't want to take away the belts before their wedding. SYNTH Hey, you guys wouldn't happen to know a Lodi and Lenny out in West Hollywood, would ya? SIMON We don't know a Lodi and Lenny, but we know a Sclemeel... NED Schlemazel... SIMON & NED LOGAN Nice to see you guys in a good mood because the way things are going right now, I think the possibility of us 4 reuniting in a physcial sense might be closer than you think. And believe me, it won't feel so good for you. NED Don't get your panties in a bunch, son. Like we said, we just wanted to invite you to the world premiere of "Slaveheart." Gene, I've seen the rough cut, and Mackie was just telling me on her way back from post-production that it's hot and heavy, baby. We're here to let all the fans watching at home that now is the time to set the VCRs/DVRs because they aren't gonna wanna miss this motion picture. MAN (Off-Screen) Excuse me? RICK HEYROSS walks onto the set along with QUETIEN BENJAMIN and CHARLIE MOSS, Team Heyross, sporting their stylish windbreaker pants/hooded windbreaker attire. RICK Mr. Singleton, Mr. Blanchard, a pleasure to meet you. Rick Heyross. I'm so looking forward to your world premiere later tonight, and I sure hate to breakup this reunion, but there's some business I'd like to discuss with the Heavenly Rockers if you don't mind. NED Not at all, Ricky. We have a great deal of respect for you and your boys. The forum is all yours. See you at the premiere. RICK Oh, absolutely. Give my regards to Ms. DeCenzo. Lovely woman. SYNTH Look, bro...if this is about joining some stable, we ain't interested, Paul. Been there, done that. RICK Very good, Synth. Reverse psychology. I thought all that pot cooked your brain but I'm glad to see I was wrong. Anyway, I'm not here on a talent search. I have all the talent I need beside me and in Brock Ausstin. And the name is Rick. SYNTH Dat's what Ah said. RICK No, you called me "Paul." SYNTH Why did moi call ya Paul if yo' name was Rick? LOGAN Were you eating those special brownies made by Mrs. Spezia's Sweeties again? SYNTH Bitchin', dude. Your hair is made of fire. LOGAN You answered my question without actually answering it. RICK Luckily for your friend there the OAOAST doesn't have a real drug testing policy, otherwise you two would be wrestling in the CFLOAST. Congratulations on your successful title defense at School's Out, by the way. Very impressive. But I'm here to formally introduce you to the two men who will end your reign as World tag team champions at the Great Angle Bash... 4-time Pac-10 champion and 3-time NCAA champion Quentin Benjamin, and 4-time Big Ten and NCAA champion Charlie Moss... Team Heyross! LOGAN Here we go again. Another team talking a big game before the actual match. I hope your a fan of Queen, Heyross, because after we get done with your boys at the Bash, they're gonna be leaving the ring the same way the Sooner Bruisers and Brains and Brawn did...with the classic Queen song "Another Bites the Dust" playing in their heads following a dose of Percussion! RICK (laughing) Oh, is that right? You know, not far from here there's a ring. If you're so confident about taking on the two wrestling machines such as Quentin Benjamin and Charlie Moss, why don't we take it out there? SYNTH Ah don't know. The Synthmeister and the Mann aren't know for their wrestling skills, but we kinda like to fight. MEAN GENE Damnit, I'm outta here! The Heavenly Rockers land two laymakers to the jaws of Team Heyross, triggering an all-out brawl backstage! Officials are fast to the scene, putting out the fire before it has a chance to spread. COLE Oh, my. What a situation. The Heavenly Rockers vs. Team Heyross for the OAOAST World tag team championship has been signed for the Great Angle Bash. And we nearly saw it go down live backstage! COACH That was pretty cheap on the part of the Heavenly Rockers. They won't be able to pull that stuff off at the Great Angle Bash when Team Heyross are ready for them. “The Lightbringer” by Interfector kicks up as the arena is drenched in red light. Asmodai walks out in his robe, although Lilith, oddly, is no where to be found. He flips back the hood and looks out upon the crowd, muttering “All sinners.....” before walking down the ramp Buffer: Introducing first, from Death Valley in California, AS-MO-DAI! Asmodai pauses at the bottom of the ramp as an elderly woman boos at him. Asmodai grins evilly and pulls the woman over the guard rail and drags her into the ring, then pulls off his robe and stuffs her into a standing head scissors...PILEDRIVER! Cole: That’s despicable! Asmodai kicks the limp form of the woman out of the ring and looks right into the camera. Asmodai: How’s THAT for piledriving Ms. Daisy? The music changes to “All Along the Watchtower” by Phil Lesh and Friends as Otaku rushes out from the doors, not even giving Michael Buffer a chance to introduce him, and unloads on Asmodai with a series of punches, forearms, and kicks to the gut. He drives the villain into the ropes, then whips him into the ropes and catches him with a hurricaranna on the rebound. As the criwd roars its approval and the EMTs attend to the old lady, Otaku removes his OAOAST HeldDown~! shirt to reveal heavily taped ribs. Cole: Caboose, do you think Otaku rushed his comeback due to the brutal beat down of his manager, Tony Capella at the hands of Brock Ausstin, or do you think his ribs are taped up like that as a precautionary move? Caboose: I think it’s just to be safe, Otaku is not an impulsive man, he thinks before he acts. He wouldn’t come back and risk his health that badly if he knew he needed to wait. It’s just the way things worked out. Otaku is pumping his fists in the ring to rally the crowd behind him, then gets into position opposite the ring from Asmodai. He waits...waits..... Cole: I think he’s measuring up Asmodai for the Shining Wizard here! Otaku charges as Asmodai gets to a knee..he connects with the Shining Wizard, driving his knee right into his foe’s face! Coach: Isn’t that illegal? Caboose: This isn’t the UFC, you idiot, you can use a knee on a non standing opponent. Cole: I’ve never seen Otaku so pumped up before! Cole is right, Otaku is circling the ring with an arm raised before going to pull up Otaku, but Asmodai has recovered enough to begin landing punches to Otaku’s taped up midsection, making him pull away from the Satanic Asmodai. He’s clutching his ribs, really looking like these blows hurt him. Caboose: Perhaps I spoke too soon... Asmodai finally gets back to his feet, then lowers his head as he looks to ram it right into Otaku’s ribs. Cole: This could break those freshly healed ribs if he hits hard enough! Coach: I hope so, he’s nothing but a punk abnd this’ll show him that he’s not in any shape to take on the Current Big Thing! Otaku sees what Asmodai is doing and times it...and WALLOPS him with a big kick right to Asmodai’s head! Caboose: Asmodai’s on dream street right now, Otaku timed that kick perfectly! Otaku now pulls Asmodai into a standing head scissors, hooks his legs into place, and falls into the BUBBLEGUM CRASH! He rolls over into the pin! 1! 2! 3! Cole: Otaku picks up an impressive win after a long absence from the OAOAST! It’s good to have him back! Otaku stands on the middle turnbuckles to acknowledge the crowd's cheers and sees a camera looking up at him. Otaku beckons for the cameraman to climb to the apron so he can look right into the lens. OTAKU Brock, I haven't forgotten about you. I'm coming for you, and I'm coming for your title. COACH Oooh....I'm sure Brock's shakin' in his boots right now. We can see what he's already done to Otaku, but if he wants other body parts of his broken, I'm sure the Heartland champion would be happy to oblige. COLE “What the? Are we scheduled to go backstage right now?” COACH “Nah dawg” COLE “Well none the less I’ve been told that we’re going backstage where one of the Wildcards has something to say. We’re whisked backstage where Bruce Blank has cornered an OAOAST camera man as he apparently has something to say. BRUCE BLANK “Alright listen up and listen up good each and everyone of you because you better remember this” Bruce grabs the camera by the edge and points it up straight at his face as he gets in real close. BRUCE BLANK “Certain people in this here piss-ant federation has questioned what I am doing here, what Cortez and Bloodshed are doing here! They say we’ve gone too far, that we’re uncontrollable, brutes, savages” COLE “After what happened at School’s Out I definitely agree with them BRUCE BLANK “Well you know what? I’m offended! I’m offended that you’d try and control me, I’m offended by people who tell me what I can or cannot do! It’s obvious that most of you don’t know me, don’t know what I’m all about. Well I’m gonna show you Bruce starts to walk down the hallway dragging the reluctant camera guy behind him. BRUCE BLANK “I’m going to show you and YOU better just keep filming it! Ya’ll have heard me referred to as the King of Pain, I’m the pre-miere Ultraviolent wrestler in the world COACH “What the hell is Ultraviolent wrestling?” CABOOSE “I’m afraid to ask” BRUCE BLANK “Now I know a lot of you out there are familiar with Hardore and what not, forget Hardcore. Hardcore is a term that’s been watered down by the use of tin foil baking trays and Singapore canes that are all sound and no impact. Hardcore is a fad, a passing phase, I’m here to bring you something that goes 10 steps beyond that! I’m here to bring you Ultraviolence like only I can” Bruce stops outside a door that reads “Hi-Gate” BRUCE BLANK “Hardcore is just an excuse to not follow the rules – ULTRA VIOLENCE IS AN EXCUSE TO HURT YOUR OPPONENTS!! And that’s what I do best, I hurt, I maim, I cripple and I love every single second of it and I’m about to give ya’ll a little deee-monstration” Bruce knocks on the door to the locker room where the Hi-Gate wrestlers are supposed to change tonight. The door opens and a man in a slivery and black mask with a red X on it opens the door COLE “That’s Ultimo Villaño X! He’s supposed to make his debut tonight or Hi-Gate wrestling!” BRUCE BLANK “Hi there, I’m Bruce Blank – the official welcoming committee for the OAOAST welcome to the federation” Bruce holds out his hand with a huge fake smile on his face as Ultimo Villaño X just stares at him trying to figure out what he said. But the big man seems friendly enough and Villaño doesn’t want to offend anyone so he puts his hand in Bruce’s and shakes it unaware of what lies ahead of him. Bruce’s smile falters and his eyes turn hard as Bruce grips Villaño’s hand tight and then whips him across the hallway Sending Ultimo Villaño X forward crashing head first into a door. *CRASH!* COLE “He’s insane!!” COACH “Come on now you can’t just attack someone backstage! Only the Upstarts are allowed to do that” The door flies off it’s hinges and Villaño stumbles onto the floor of one of the dressing rooms with a tear all the way down one side of his mask and a small gash that’s starting to bleed on the side of his cheek. Bruce appears in the doorway just moments later and opens the cut even deeper as he kicks Villaño right in the face with his cowboy boot COLE “I wonder who’s dressing room that is” COACH “I’m not s…” Coach is interrupted when Bruce slams Villaño’s head against one of the lockers and pops it open from the impact CABOOSE “Is that a black and purple hooded jacket in the locker? This isn’t. . . ??” A moment later Bruce provides everyone at home with another clue to who the locker room occupant is as he pulls a gold belt out of the locker and cracks Ultimo Villaño X over the head with it with great delight! COLE “The HI-YAH title! That’s the HI-YAH title!! It must be Zack Malibu’s locker room” CABOOSE “How dare he TOUCH that title it’s not one of those cheapo SWF titles!! Zack left it locked up in his room and now this asshole is degrading it” Bruce just drops the belt on the floor not really paying attention to what it was he hit Villaño X with and keeps up the assault. Bruce drops an elbow to the back of Ultimo Villaño X’s head and then tosses his helpless victim into the hallway once again. COACH “Man Zack is going to be PISSED when he returns to his locker room and finds the mess they’ve made” CABOOSE “I think the mess is the least of it COLE after what went down between them earlier tonight and all.” BRUCE BLANK “Now as you can all see this kid here wasn’t prepared for Ultraviolence – he in many ways represents this federation and all those here who have been taken by surprise by our actions. This kid – like the OAOAST is STUPID! You need to be on your feet at all times, you need to be prepared” Bruce ducks down and easily lifts the much smaller Ultimo Villaño X up in the air and drops backwards bouncing his helpless victim’s head off the side of a trash can with a loud crash. Bruce then gets to his feet, wipes a bit of blood off his hands and then turns back to the camera to do a bit of running commentary while he beats the guy up. BRUCE BLANK “You see I know exactly what I am and where my strengths lie – I can’t beat you with an arm bar so I don’t even try. I am what I am, I don’t pretend to be something else and I don’t appreciate being told what to do.” CABOOSE “I can’t believe this! The guy was just minding his own business, getting ready to debut later tonight and Bruce just blindsided him” COLE “This is sick! There is absolutely no need for this at all” Bruce grabs Ultimo Villaño X by the mask and the trunks and easily Gorilla presses the small Japanese wrestler over his head before dropping him from the gorilla press onto his shoulder and then slams Villaño X straight into a metal door driving the you man through it sending both wrestlers into the two level lobby of the arena in Salt Lake City. Bruce grabs Villaño by the back of the mask and then throws the helpless Hi-Gate wrestler through the open door and onto the floor of the men’s room. COLE “Well thank god it wasn’t the Ladies’ room or we could have been sued for sexual harassment” COACH “Oh get real, it’s a wrestling show – if there isn’t at least one fight in the bathrooms then it’s just a bad show” Bruce follows up the attack as he bounces Ultimo Villaño X off one of the stall walls and then whips him into one of the sinks, breaking the sink and busting the mirror with his face cutting the mask and his skin in several places. *CRASH!* Bruce turns to one of the other sinks, turns the water on and then begins to wash the blood off his hands as he whistles a happy little Lynyrd Skynyrd tune without paying any attention to Ultimo Villaño X. The Japanese wrestler is staggered, he’s bleeding and he’s eyeing a way out as he slowly staggers towards the exit. But his escape is cut short when a bathroom stall door opens and the Hi-Gate wrestler is pulled inside and the door is locked. A series of loud crashes and bangs is heard from behind the locked door. COLE “What the hell is going on?” COACH“ Maybe he had to go to the bathroom? Give the guy some privacy” Bruce just keeps washing his hands, totally ignoring the sounds of someone being severely beaten that’s emanating from the bathroom stall. Once he’s done washing Bruce takes a couple of paper towels and casually wipes his hands off before addressing the camera man. BRUCE BLANK “When you’re working the Ultraviolent style you have to be extra careful about hygiene” Moments later the door is opened again and Ultimo Villaño is thrown out of the stall and then the door is slammed shut again hard. CABOOSE “Was that Bloodshed? I saw Bloodshed in that stall King” COACH “I wouldn’t doubt it, they’re all freaks!” Bruce has had time to catch his breath, freshen up and is ready to take over the kicking of the poor helpless Ultimo Villaño X’s ass. Bruce wraps his hands around Villaño’s throat and lifts him up in the air before tossing him into a bathroom stall breaking the toilet spilling water everywhere. *FLUSH!!* Bruce then grabs Ultimo Villaño X by the hand and drags him out from the bathroom back into the lobby once more, smiling at the people who run away scared. Bruce then drags Villaño across the upper level of the lobby where the fighting has taken place so far, towards the stairs to the lower level where the concessions stands are. CABOOSE “This can’t be good” COLE “Bruce with Ultimo Villaño X up on his shoulder for a power slam? No that’s not good at all. Bruce runs at the rail and then tosses Ultimo Villaño X over the edge dropping him the approximately 15 feet down to the next level. Villño flies through the air sending the people working the refreshment stand right below them scurrying everywhere. Seconds later he comes crashing down right through one of their tables *CRASH!* Sending popcorn and hot dogs flying everywhere as Ultimo Villaño X pulverizes the table. On the upper level Bruce Blank looks over the edge and just smiles at his handy work looking awfully pleased with himself. BRUCE BLANK “I guess I should have warned them – woops” COLE “HOW CAN HE JOKE AT A TIME LIKE THIS!!” CABOOSE “Cause he’s an animal, he’s a freak who likes to hurt other people Cole.” COACH “Alright I’m serious here, this isn’t about Originals or Upstarts or Wildcards – this guy is certifiably NUTS alright?” COLE “For once I agree with you” Bruce casually saunters down the steps to the concession stand portion of the lobby and then pulls Ultimo Villaño X out of the rubble. COLE “Oh lord I’m not sure I can stand to watch much more of this King” COACH “Well then why don’t you run backstage and stop him? Go on now I’ll hold your headset Bruce picks up Villaño X and throws him against the glass door that leads to the outside hoping to toss him right through it. *THUD!* Ultimo Villaño smacks against the glass but doesn’t break it, instead he flops down and smacks against the floor in a really awkward angle. Bruce looks a bit annoyed that the glass didn’t break the first time so he grabs Villaño around the waist and then suplexes him up and over his head THROUGH the glass door *CRASH!!* Ultimo Villaño X’s head bounces off the pavement as Bruce releases the suplex and then gets back to his feet, wiping his hands like his job was done. BRUCE BLANK “Now that’s how we take out the trash in the SWF, that’s how I earned the name “the King of Pain” – and that’s how I do business!! Ain’t no one going to come here and tell me what I can or cannot do, I’m Bruce Blank Bitch! COLE “Can we please go to a commercial break?” *Fade to commercial* Commercial break

He PMed this to me already.

The OAOAST.....What the WOOOOOORLD is Reading! As soon as the hour hits, we're backstage live at HeldDOWN~!, where things are already out of hand! On one side of the backstage area are James Blonde, Faqu, and the Global Party Exchange, trying to fight through the wall of OAOAST staff, roster members, and arena security to get at The Wildcards, who continue to taunt and shout down their opposition. "Your mine, you hear me, Cortez!? You're MINE for what you did!" shouts Faqu angrily, as he seeks vengeance for the Urban Legend's role in his defeat this past Sunday. "You boys got some issues, c'mon and git some then!" challenges Bruce Blank, snickering as if this is a game. "We're gonna get you! We're gonna get you for what you did to J!" yells Scotty Static in representation of The Hooligans, who had to witness their ally Jamie O'Hara get treated as a pin cushion courtesy of a staple gun. The shouting continues, and things look to be breaking down...and then Zack Malibu, then man that has been called the cause for all of this turmoil, appears on screen. Malibu pauses, surveying what's going on, as all eyes are on him. Faqu appears to be the most incensed by this, as he tries to break through the barrier to get at his "friend". "ZACK! Zack, you owe me, Zack. You cheated me out of that title!" Malibu lowers his sunglasses, walks right up to Faqu, and looks him in the eye. Just a moment later, Malibu walks past him, out of view, as we fade into the opening theme song. Four days removed from School's Out, the OAOAST is in the heart of Mormon country, Salt Lake City, Utah for another edition of HeldDOWN~! Into the arena we go where the crowd is as ready as your hosts for the evening, Triple C. COLE Welcome fans to what is already shaping up to be an eventful night here on HeldDOWN~! I'm Michael Cole, and...and that's Zack Malibu coming down to the ring right now! The crowd roars as Malibu surprises them by storming down to the ring, minus his theme music, and certainly not dressed for a fight while clad in jeans, flip flops, and a T-shirt. Still, the HI-YAH Heavyweight Champion looks none too happy as he snatches the microphone from Michael Buffer, and heads into the ring. MALIBU I am SICK to my stomach of what's going on here lately. You've got guys in the back, ready to kill each other, barely being held back, and all fingers of blame point to me. Whether that's the case or not, we're going to get it all out of our systems right now. Security, whoever, let them out here, the whole lot of them. GPX, Faqu, Blonde, Blank, Cortez and Bloodshed, all of you out here, NOW! CABOOSE I know he's fearless, but Malibu has just called out SEVEN MEN who aren't on good terms with him! COLE Four at least, however we're still not sure where The Wildcards stand, especially after Todd Cortez was responsible for Malibu retaining his HI-YAH Championship this past Sunday at School's Out! Nearly a minute goes by before anyone steps through the curtain, and when it swings open, it's The Wildcards making their way out. The crowd starts to boo heavily, with a minimum smattering of cheers as Bruce Blank, Todd Cortez and Bloodshed head to the ring. COACH About time these fans woke up and saw these guys for what they are! CABOOSE Coach, I never thought I'd see the day you and I agreed on something, but it appears that our reservations on these guys were with just cause. What they did to Jamie O'Hara this past Sunday was sickening! The Wildcards step into the ring, with Malibu glaring at the men he brought into the company. The Global Party Exchange, minus their third Hooligan tonight, come down the aisle next, ranting and raving at Malibu. Lastly, Blonde and Faqu come down the aisle, and Blonde tries to be the cooler head of the two, as he tries to stop Faqu from charging the ring! The big Samoan hits the ring and stampedes toward Zack...but Bruce Blank puts an arm out and cuts him off! COLE Oooooh no. Now incensed, Faqu knocks the arm away of the hardcore icon and stares him down! The crowd buzzes in anticipation of the two monsters hooking up, but Malibu steps in and pushes both back, seperating them. MALIBU STOP IT! STOP IT, DAMMIT! Blank and Faqu seperate, each eyeing each other, as Malibu steps back and addresses friend and foe alike. MALIBU For weeks now, I've been a human target. Every time something goes wrong...EVERY TIME, I become the scapegoat, and I suck it up. I try to make it right...I ALWAYS try to make it right...and then things go wrong. Emotions overload, and certain people who do NOT BELONG IN MY BUSINESS get involved, and the vicious circle just continues. Malibu eyes Cortez in particular, apparently not happy with Cortez's "divine intervention" that saved his HI-YAH Championship for him. MALIBU And then...then...then things get out of hand, don't they? I give people an inch, and they take mile...after mile...AFTER MILE AFTER MILE, DON'T THEY!? Now filled with rage, Malibu confronts Bruce Blank, whose trademark snicker becomes a scowl when he realizes that Malibu is putting blame on his shoulders. MALIBU What happened to Jamie O'Hara...you can believe me or not...but that wasn't my call. I brought these guys in to back me up, because of what you two were doing. I brought them in because you never saw it coming. I did NOT bring these guys in to turn this company into a traveling crime scene! I wanted three badasses, three fearless people...NOT three vampires whose bloodlust is on MY head! So n... As Malibu turns, Cortez reaches over his shoulder and yanks the mic from his hands, now just as incensed as Malibu appears to be. CORTEZ Now hang on just a second, Zack. What's the matter now, huh? You getting cold feet...squeamish maybe? You're a man who does his homework, Zack, and I've said this before...you KNEW what you were doing when you got the three of us signed, and now because we look bad on your resume, because we're bad for your rep...you wanna cut the tie? You're gonna use us until you've got no use for us anymore, like we're your whores? You can go fu... Malibu, saving the OAOAST from a censorship suit, snatches the mic back from the Urban Legend. MALIBU YOU LISTEN TO ME. I got you in, and you did your part...you MORE than did your part. I told you the first time out, after Living Angleously, that you needed to rein it in, and what do you do? You...STAPLE a kid up? You let even MORE blood stain this mat, going against what I say? I might not legally be your boss...any of your bosses really...but after all I've done I at the VERY LEAST command your respect...and right now, Cortez, whether I have the respect of you and your boys...you DON'T have mine. The Wildcards collective mood drops, as now none of the three look happy with Malibu. MALIBU Now, speaking of the interference the other night...you, Faqu, are going to hear me out on this one. The other night, we put on a hell of a match, one of the best the company ever saw...and it was never...NEVER (as Malibu turns back to look at Cortez) supposed to go down that way. You two have worked your asses off to get back in the game and make something of yourselves, and I respect you both for that incredibly. So you can think of me what you want, but I'm going to make good. Next week, Faqu, you're getting another shot, one on one for the HI-YAH Heavyweight Title! The crowd roars, and while Faqu looks pacified, he's far from pleased. MALIBU I don't expect that to erase everything that's gone on, but it's the least I can do for you...and to make sure that EVERYONE stay out of our business, we're gonna make sure it's mano y mano...because we'll be surrounded by a FIFTEEN FOOT HIGH STEEL CAGE! COACH YO~! CABOOSE Now THAT'S a main event! Faqu vs. Malibu next week, in a steel cage! Faqu and Malibu have a staredown briefly, before Malibu turns away and addresses the GPX. MALIBU Now you two...you think what you want of me, but I know how you are. You guys like to jump the gun and act before you think. So I'll tell you what...you wanna come at me, I'll be ready for you. To tell you the truth, I expect it. But you go after them (Malibu points to The Wildcards)...and I give you my blessing to! COLE WOW. CABOOSE Malibu...I think Malibu just officially cut his ties to The Wildcards! Blank, angered at this turn of events, grabs the microphone when Malibu is about to hand it over to Scotty Static. BLANK So that's how it is, eh Zack? That's your gratitude, you wanna sell us out for these two prettyboys? You don't get it, do you? This is...this like a marriage, Zack. You did for us, we do for you. You got us into the OAOAST and we're grateful for it...so grateful that...that I'm gonna let what you just said slide. We're still gonna have your back, Zack, don't you worry...but you DON'T TELL ME OR MY BOYS WHAT WE CAN AND CAN'T DO. You might be the poster boy, you might be the superstar, but one thing you're not Zack, is hardcore. Ultraviolent. You're weak, just like these four boys right here. You can't handle the dirty work, and that's why you called us in. Because we've got a history of violence. Because that's what we're KNOWN for...and the fact that you people boo us doesn't mean you don't like us, we don't take it personally...because we know it means you're AFRAID. You're all afraid...and Zack, that fear...that lump in the back of your throat right now, it's with good reason. So you settle your differences by spouting some lines and playing politician, Zack...we settle ours the old fashioned way, like cowboys at high noon, or like two street gangs in a turf war...we go out and get blood on our hands. That's our mark. That's our calling. No matter what you say, Zack...no matter how you try to control us...just face it...you've opened up your heart and soul, your precious company, to be our bloody playground. Blank shoves the mic into Malibu's chest, and The Wildcards exit upon Blank waving them on. All three stare back at Zack, Blonde, Faqu and the GPX as they head up the aisle to thunderous boos, leaving the remaining talent in the ring to reflect on that cryptic message from their spokesman, Bruce Blank. COACH About time those guys smartened up about Zack being all about himself before they learned the hard way. COLE An explosive start to tonight's show coming off an explosive night one state over in Denver last Sunday night. Critics and fans are raving about School's Out and we will have plenty on the developments of that show. As we heard minutes ago, Zack Malibu successfully defended his HI-YAH Heavyweight title against both James Blonde and Faqu...but the match most of the wrestling world is talking about is Stairway to Hell. CABOOSE As well they should. Both Peter Knight and Alfdogg gave it their all in that match, but Alf was the one with the title in his hands at the end of the night. And there's NOTHING Knight can complain about this time. COLE Peter Knight is not here in Salt Lake tonight and we will have a report on his condition later in the show, but the OAOAST Champion is here and we hope to have a word with him later on as well. All that and more is on the way for you tonight....and it all begins on the other side of this commercial break. Stay with us. Commercial break