King Cucaracha

AngleSlam 2007 Main Event Contract Signing with Landon Maddix and Tha Puerto Rican! If you're not Ed Wood Caufield, DO NOT READ THIS! Plus, The South Central Militia in action, because a show needs matches.

Planet Stasiak?

That's probably it -- they gave a ton of time to the three title matches on that show. All of them went at least 15 minutes, and Bret and Diesel went about half an hour. Also, if they'd booked Shawn and Davey Boy to start and finish the Rumble all along, they probably had to shorten it so Davey Boy wouldn't keel over at the 50-minute mark. And the fact there were so many jobbers and no-hopers in the list of entrants, perhaps? It seemed like they just wanted to get to the ending ASAP that year and that they weren't that concerned with the rest of the Rumble. Hence there being maybe four guys with even a remote chance of winning and the likes of Well Dunn and Mantaur in the running.

Judgment Day '06, King of the Ring finals. And every week for about a month on Smackdown, both before and after. I'm sorry. Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but it had to be 'asked'. Plus JR didn't seem to remember their 50 one on one matches the other week either.

MANSON is correct (obviously). It was like June 1-3, right? I guess they just forgot to take the stage down.

There's my problem. Even JR seems to struggle to find reasons to explain Cena's amazing winning percentage. When the best adjectives he can come up with are "unorthodox" and "controversial", you know that something ain't right. It's obvious Cena isn't the best pure wrestler and they've brought that up on commentary before. That's not a problem, provided there is something they can put him over for. Angle was "an olympic gold medalist". HHH was the "Cerebral Assassin". Bret, "Excellence Of Execution". You go down the line, Savage, Shawn, Diesel, Yokozuna. What explanation have they actually offered up to people for WHY Cena is able to pull out the victory over and over and over again? They can't use the support of the crowd all the time. They can't put it down to just 'heart and determination', that's so hackneyed it's untrue. Why should anyone buy Cena, either in kayfabe or out of it, as the WWE Champion? Without the explanation, the natural conclusion is that he's just plain lucky, which worked for Honky Tonk Man but as a heel and with the secondary belt. I don't have a problem with John Cena the person. He obviously cares about the business and seems like a genuinely nice guy. But John Cena the character/wrestler is, no matter how much merchandise he sells, flawed. That's not neccessarily all Cena's fault. But it's what I as a viewer see.

Except Jakey's only 160 pounds. For what it's worth, I read the match and disagreed with everybody saying it was one-sided (on here and on Skull Radio). That's how I plan on writing my match this week. Jakey's a- a heel, b- 160 pounds and c- still a rookie. And at a stretch, d- pissed off Spike earlier in a promo. The natural thing is for him to get beaten up at the beginning of the match, so long as he came back a little later, which he did. I thought the match was fine personally.

"[goofy voice]So, they call you the Excellence Of Execution, huh?[/goofy voice] More like the Excellence Of Mastur-BATION!" *dead silence* Man, this stuff writes itself. Who needs a career in Hollywood? Also, Booker vs. Lashley? Have they ever faced each other one on one before?

The spman speaketh truth. I still watch all the shows (albeit via taping them to watch later, and fast-forwarding past all the commercials and the crap I don't wanna watch to get to the 20 good minutes each week... 5 for ECW), but I'm definitely not interested in the WWE product. I damn sure haven't spent any money on it in years. If, oh, say, ROH, Chikara, IWA Mid-South, and NOAH had tv shows I could watch, I'd never bother going back to the WWE to get my fix again. Ditto. Well except for the 'spent any money' part, I did buy this year's Rumble. Also, Pro Wrestling Guerrilla. Obviously, we're talking quick fixes here. I'm going to have to go with the Jericho answer. I'm not even that big of a fan anymore (his last face run was staler than year old bread), but he's about the only guy they could find with name value, in-ring talent and potential interview talent for a quick-fix. The non-quick fix answer- just some sort of shake-up. Something. Anything. Just something different, it seems like the last three or four years are completely interchangeable. The company's in a comfort zone now and that's not entertaining EDIT: Also, pretty much everything 2GOLD says. They need to be willing to take a risk, even though they don't have to. The last big 'boom' in the WWF came from Austin and HBK in particular being allowed to go out and be more 'edgy'. Seems like nowadays, they're scared of a- being edgy and b- letting people be individuals in interviews.

And Angle/Lesnar was no great shakes either. Cena vs. Michaels is so over-rated though. Seems like people are rating it on length, like when Angle vs. Jannetty was everybody's MOTY simply because it was better than it had any right to be. Cena/Michaels isn't even the best free TV MOTY. Edge vs. Orton one/two weeks afterwards was a lot more entertaining.

Yeah, the thing that always bugged me about Rey's title reign was that is wasn't presented properly. He needn't a big adjustment of his 'moveset' or I guess just his wrestling style, to be believable against the bigger opponents. There's no reason why someone Rey's size couldn't be a believable headliner. But everytime he'd hit that shitty Seated Senton, I'd just groan and long for the day he finally dropped the belt.

Uh, Jakey, slight edit to stats has been made.

Come on anything would be better than watching the average Cena match as the main event! Superman Cena needs to find his Lex Luthor and that man might be CM Punk if he went full heel. They gave a little tease of Punk's mind games on ECW when he was feuding with Burke just think what he can do on the main show. Get lost in the shuffle? Be another Cena victim? Be exposed to the fact that he's not actually as popular with the casual audience as he is with the people on here who've seen him get OMG5***** from Dave Meltzer~! yet? Bringing Punk in to be the guy that John Cena just can't figure out just smacks of the way they brought Shelton Benjamin in with Triple H. And that didn't work that great. Punk beats Cena, gets some momentum, Punk doesn't become the champion because he's not ready yet, Punk drops to IC level, Punk loses steam, Punk ends up on Heat. Great idea! So now, he should have been hot-shotted yet earlier still!? Please can we get some perspective here people? I love Punk. I've followed him for pretty much 7 years now through the indies, TNA, ROH, now WWE. But he's FINE where he is. This isn't like Joe in TNA, his indy accomplishments don't mean shit to a good percentage of the audience, they need to take their time and capitalise when he really does catch on. That time isn't just yet.

The gimmick was fine in the tag division. Hell, the gimmick was probably the reason they all got called up from OVW in the first place. It doesn't work now if they're trying to push him as a singles worker, it just reminds people of his tag career. Like if Austin had kept the Hollywood Blonde shtick his entire career. Well, it worked for Nitro, right? EDIT: The show Nitro obviously, not the wrestler.

I've had a PWG game going for a year on EWR, which is rare for me. I rarely make it that far into a game. So far, I've spent about two weeks as a National fed before pretty much instantly dropping back down. Didn't help that a new National fed started up and raided me just as I'd started getting Colt Cabana and Claudio Castagnoli into the main-event. Is there anywhere where people post diaries anymore?

But it says Maggie. Look! Don't try and make out like I don't know what I'm doing bitch.

YES HE SHOULD No because he wasn't one of the eligible candidates. It was just Randy Orton, Ken Kennedy, King Booker and Bobby Lashley. Whoever won in the shortest time of the four got the title shot. It was never stated that if the opponent defeated one of the four, they'd replace that person in consideration, like the last time they did Beat the Clock. Actually, last time I think everyone entered had a shot. That was the one with London vs. Kendrick... actually, that was in January, right? The one Kennedy won. The only other one was the one I assume you're referring to, back in the Evolution days. Yeah, they made it pretty clear all night that it was between Kennedy, Orton, Lashley and (King) Booker. They didn't actually state it outright that I can remember, but it was clear enough to me.

Welcome to the Internet.

*Except the OAOAST. Hole's "Gold Dust Woman" hits and the lights dim into an forboding gold hue in the arena. A menacing steel cage rises from beneath the entrance stage. Behind it's rusted and dilapadated bars stand the brooding Conquistadors. A nearby stage hand releases the lock, letting the grapplers onto the floor. Uno typically replay this kindness by shoving the poor lackey to the ground, and Dos follows up this despicable act by hawking a gob of spit onto the poor man. The two warriors then pound their fists together and head out to the warzone. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by Conquistador Dos! He hails from Santa Fe, New Mexico by way of Tijuana, Mexico... weighing in at one hundred and sixty five pounds. "THE WILD CHICANO"... CONQUISTADOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRR UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH How come Uno gets a nickname and not Dos? COLE Maybe Theodore Moneymaker didn't have enough money in his makeover budget. By the way, that entrance? Creepy. Into the ring slides Uno, raising a gloved fist in the air as a sign of defiance. Dos applauds from the outside. COLE Well, singles action here with Conquistador Uno to take on Leon Rodez. And it would seem that Uno has been fed to the lions here by Theodore Moneymaker, after what we saw at The Great Angle Bash with Los Conquistadors getting involved in his tag team match. Los Conquistadors cost Leon and Alix Maria Spezia the match with the help of a pair of baseball bats and I've no doubt that their association with The Enterprise is like a red rag to a bull to The Silky Smooth One right about now. .:CUE: Trust Company, "Rock The Casbah":. The crowd suddenly come unglued as the music powers through the PA system and LEON RODEZ powers through the entrance way with similiar power (must. buy. thesaurus.)! Shuffling around in the ring, Uno bravely waves on Leon, despite the determined stride in his step. BUFFER And the opponent, from Grand Rapids, Michigan... two hundred, eighteen pounds... "SILKY SMOOTH" LLLEEEEEEOOOOONN RRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZ!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Buffer bails out of the ring just as Leon slides in, making a beeline straight for the golden Conquistador. The confident Uno doesn't back down. And he pays for it as Leon goes straight to work with some bodyshots, backing Uno up into a corner! COLE This may not last long. *DINGDINGDING!* Continuing to fire away with rights and lefts up under the ribs Leon has Uno holding up his hands, begging for the referee to force a break. Eventually he does, Chioda moving Leon out of the corner. Which allows Uno to come out of the corner with a cheapshot, catching Rodez cold with a big right hand! COACH Ah, don't count Uno out so fast Mikey. These Conquistadors are dangerous, fiery Latinos. Mr. Moneymaker doesn't associated himself with just anybody you know. As Leon goes staggering backwards, in moves Uno, picking out the legs a double leg takedown and mounting Leon with some more wild right hands. He only gets in a couple though before Rodez switches, mounting Uno and pounding him with some hard shots in return. COLE Coach, I think 'Mister' Moneymaker would have settled for anyone who could swing a baseball bat to help him at The Great Angle Bash. And it just so happened, Los Conquistadors were cheap and weren't exactly busy at the time. COACH That's cold man. COLE Come on Coach, usually when one of The Enterprise is in action, Theodore is out here with us pushing some sort of agenda. I doubt he's even watching this match on a monitor in the back. Eventually, having put out the Latino fire of Conquistador Uno, Rodez drags him up by his gold bodysuit. By that clothing he drags him into another right hand, keeping him on his feet as he executes an irish whip. Uno bounces out of the corner, into a second whip, into the opposite corner. Again Uno rebounds out of the turnbuckles and a third whip sends him back into the first corner he occupied, Leon following in this time with Double Knees up into the chest! Uno collapses to the canvas, as Leon glares in the direction of Dos to make him think twice about making any moves to help. COLE Got to watch these Conquistadors. There's no telling when they'll try and make a switch. Rodez drags Uno roughly to his feet and irish whips him across the ring, springing up to meet him on the rebound with a picturesque Standing Dropkick! With Uno laid out, Leon then turns his attentions back to Dos, who has jumped to the apron... ...knocking him to the floor with enough force to send Dos crashing into the steel barricade!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Again Uno is dragged back up... but the distraction seemed to have worked to some extent for Los Conquistadors as Uno goes to the eyes! A shoulder barge takes Leon all the way into the corner and The Wild Chicano continues to claw away at the face of Rodez, despite the protests of referee Mike Chioda. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" Having broken just before a disqualification was called, Uno now whips Leon out of the corner. Getting his foot up to prevent a face-first meeting with the turnbuckles, Rodez quickly throws back his elbow, timed perfectly to catch Uno running in! Uno then stumbles right back into a jab! A jab! A jab! A jab! Rodez turns, blowing the kiss, before turning back on his heels... *SMACK!* ...and nailing the Conquistador upside the head with the enziguri, turning him inside out! "YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! COACH Oh no! I hope there's a Tres somewhere, because that may be the end of Uno! Uno is out cold as Leon climbs back to his feet. Apparantly not done yet, off the ropes comes Rodez, dropping the forearm across the painted face of the Conquistador. A second time the forearm comes down. And a third, all measured to the forehead. Still that's not enough though and by the top of Uno's PVC bodysuit Leon pulls his opponent up. COACH Now, this is uncalled for! COLE Seeing as Leon Rodez took two baseball bats upside the head at The Bash, he's perfectly within his rights to make the most of this chance for revenge. Hauling Uno around so he's pinned into a corner, Leon reels back... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and cracks him across the chest with a knifedge chop! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and a second, trying to force PVC and skin together into one! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" A third chop connects and Uno, already limp, falls up against the bottom turnbuckle showing little signs of fight. So Leon, who is still showing plenty of signs of fight, asks the Tampa crowd if they want him to continue. "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" A no brainer. COLE The Conquistadors should have asked for more money while they had the chance. Danger money, perhaps. By the ears, Uno is dragged to his feet. An irish whip sends him into the opposite corner and once he settles, he finds himself in the firing line as Rodez comes soaring in, driving all of his 218 pounds into the gut of the Conquistador with the Superman Spear!! Uno collapses over Leon's shoulder, getting shrugged off and swept down by the arm. And quick as a flash, Leon locks up the arm, looking to apply a Cross Armbreaker. With what awareness he has left, Uno locks his hands together to block. Which doesn't last longer than two wrenches, Leon seperating the arms and getting the Cross Armbreaker... ...which gets a super-quick tapout!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Your winner of the match... LEON RRRRROOOOOOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZ!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE And that quickly it's over. One of the most deceptively dangerous holds in wrestling, that Cross Armbreaker. As soon as the hands seperated, the elbow began to hyperextend. And Uno decided to tapout before any serious damage could be done! Having released the hold, Leon has to make a quick 180 as Conquistador Dos returns, wielding a steel chair... ...which is ducked! Leon catches Dos on the way past, causing him to drop the chair. Quickly Leon retrieves it and sure enough... *CRACK!* "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" ...it's the hapless Conquistador who gets CREAMED with a vicious chairshot!! COLE OH MY! COACH Somebody call Quatro. Both Conquistadors are down, Uno clutching his arm and Dos seeing stars and cartoon birds floating in front of his eyes. Holding the majorly dented chair still, Leon looks around at the damage he's caused and surprisingly doesn't seem all that proud. Instead he drops the chair, shaking his head sadly as he bails out of the ring and marches back up the ramp much in the same manner as he came. COLE Loath as he was to do it, Leon Rodez just sent a message to The Enterprise here tonight. Los Conquistadors paid the price... uhm, okay... apparantly, Maggie Nerdly is stalking by... uh, standing by sorry. Maggie. Cut to behind the curtains where Melody is waiting. MAGGIE Hey ya'll, somebody told me this'd be a dope place to set up stall for interviews. Why they did it in mid-conversation I dunno but here I am and apparantly somebody's going to come through these curtains in a second. Why we need curtains [i]and[/i] sliding doors I dunno, but whatever... Leon finally makes it back at this point. MAGGIE Hey, Leon, can I get a few words... LEON You know what, Theodore Moneymaker, what you just saw was a placeholder my friend. Those two guys out there, the Conquistadors, I've got nothing against them. Sure, they cost me the match at The Bash. But they're two guys desperate for a break. They're yet another couple of innocent people being manipulated by you, your money and your stinking Enterprise! I'm not proud of that. And I'm not even proud of the fact that it was your arm I saw breaking in my hands. I'm not proud either that when that chair came down, it wasn't hitting any Conquistador's heads, it was crashing straight down on those blond locks of you Ned Blanchard! I'm not proud of any of that. I'm just sick and tired of this whole situation. Ever since AngleMania, there's this anger built up inside of me. And that's just not the way I am. This has to end and it has to end soon. Wiping a hand over his head, Leon tries to compose himself. LEON Moneymaker, you like to dictate who and what happens around here with your dirty money and it's getting old. I don't want Los Conquistadors. I don't want mis-matches little teams. What I want... what D*LUX want... what I'm sure Chicks Over Dicks want... is all five of you in one place, at one time, so we can dictate who [i]we[/i] want to deal with. So consider this a challenge. 5 on 5. Your Enterprise versus the five people who won't rest until we've convinced Jade the error of her ways. I don't know as this'll do that, but it'll damn sure give us a chance to take out some frustrations on the right people in the meantime. Leon storms off, leaving Maggie a little flustered.

COLE Last week on this very program, history was made and the wrestling world was stunned by the crowning of a brand new OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix is your new World Champion, having cashed in his Money In The Bank contract against a vritually defenceless Zazk Malibu. Zack, having suffered a rib injury and then further complications surrounding the injury in recent weeks, was beaten down first by Vitamin X and Mr. Boricua of The Lightning Crew, then by The South Central Militia who it seemed were coming to his aid. And then, we witnessed the shocking turn of events. COACH I said it last week and it bears repeating Mikey, Landon played Zack like a fiddle. He played him all the way up until The Great Angle Bash... but he reserved the final encore for last week. COLE For those of you who missed it last week, this is the moment when history was made. The closing moments of the impromptu World Heavyweight Championship match, take a look... [QUOTE]Slowly walking over to Zack, Landon takes his sweet time. Again he drags Zack up by the hair, delivering another hard kick to the ribs. And in a final insult he then slides to Zack's side, struggling as he takes him up with the ANGLE SLAM~! Not the finest execution, but who cares? "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE Damnit! COACH I think that's what they call 'poetic'. Megan raises her arms in the air, counting along in glee with Landon as he covers... ONE! TWO! THRE... NO, ZACK KICKS OUT! ZACK KICKS OUT~! "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE YES! COME ON ZACK, FIGHT, FIGHT WITH ALL YOU'VE GOT! "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" Utterly shocked, Landon begins to get that sinking feeling. Zack is still in the fight, however barely. But before Zack can get back up, he takes a punch to the ribs. Again. Again. And again and again and again and again, with no end in sight, Maddix trying to turn Zack's internal organs into mincemeat! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Eventually Zack seems to go limp, and Landon is the one keeping him from falling, as he holds him by the collar of his shirt. Leading Zack away from the ropes, Landon hoists Zack up onto his shoulders, looking to deal the death blow. However, before Zack can Go 2 Sleep, he decides he wants to stay up a little while longer, and kicks himself off Landon's shoulders! Thinking quickly, Zack goes for the ANGLE SLAM~!, but can't lift Landon, dropping him to his feet! Favoring the ribs, Malibu keels over and winds up scooped up again, onto Landon's shoulders, before La Cucaracha decides to put him to bed. GO 2 SLEEP ON ZACK MALIBU~! COLE No, COME ON! This is robbery! This was a premeditated assault! Malibu, with blood dripping down his chin, is lifeless, as Landon Maddix makes a rather arrogant cover. ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! COLE NO! I don't believe it...this can't be happening! COACH It is, Mikey Cole, it most certainly is! We have a NEW World Heavyweight Champion, and it happened right here on live television! As "Personal Jesus" is cued up, Landon Maddix is given the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship, and he clutches it to his chest. Megan Skye rolls into the ring and rubs her mans shoulders as he stares into the gold center plate, then rises to his feet and unleashes a primal scream as he raises the belt in the air. COLE I...I'm in shock. I don't believe what we've just seen. The Millitia enter the ring as well, as Landon shakes both their hands and thanks them, before they take Landon and lift him onto their shoulders like a conquering hero![/QUOTE] COLE And now, we enter a new era here in the OAOAST. Zack Malibu has been ordered to take the week off to recuperate, both by his doctors and by the figurehead of the OAOAST AngleSault. But here tonight in Tampa, we will be graced with the presence of the new World Champion. Live in this ring, a celebration from the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, Landon Maddix, later on in this broadcast. It certainly promises to be unmissable.

Leon Rodez vs. Conquistador UNO Plus, Landon Maddix's big in-ring celebration extravaganza party related segment!

It'll be an issue of exposure. Daniels, AJ, Lethal, Dutt, Shelley, those are the types that'll gain more in exposure in TNA than they'll lose in money. Aries, who I assume you're alluding to, was a bit of an anomaly because he wasn't being used by TNA. I doubt all the undercard guys will be leaving unless something changes. Business-wise, I'm sure most believe being in TNA is worth not being in ROH and PWG.

Don't forget "The Juice", Juvi Guerrera. And the ad nausem Montreal rip-offs. Okay, reading Death Of WCW finally... where the hell was the angle with Bagwell 'shooting' on people supposed to be leading or supposed to accomplish. I know the obvious answer (nothing), but I'll ask anyway. Apparantly he threw a match against La Parka and then he beat Scotty Riggs with a 'not in the script' small package after they were seen talking over their finish in the back. My head hurts just typing that.

Well, that's certainly argueable about the Power Plant. I'd totally forgotten about Nitro being a part of Tough Enough. It just goes to show what a good gimmick can do for a guy's past.

Except when Rock done it, it was either a- funny in some way or b- not an impression of The Rock which he was unable to pull off, so at least original. Turning Lashley is the natural next step. I've been pushing it for forever. Remember how everybody wanted Lesnar canned because he had 'no charisma' and was generic, until his heel turn. Remember the same thing with Cena? Remember the same thing with Orton? Remember the same thing with Rocky Maivia? See a pattern? I'm not saying Lashley's going to become a star all of a sudden. But if he does have any superstar quality, turning heel is the only way it's going to come out.