JJ Johnson

And I'm like Tomas Holmstrom! I don't really do anything except provide tips.

It LIVES! Judge is almost as cool as Henrik Zetterberg.

I'll take Arne and the opening promo.

Hart: Crosby/Pronger/Lidstrom. Pronger has been huge for Anaheim this year on both ends of the ice, and I think he's the most valuable player on the Ducks behind Selanne. Vezina: Brodeur/Luongo/Hasek. The fanboy in me wants to say Backstrom, but he's played half of the games any of these three have. I'd say Lundqvist, but the Rangers blow a lot of leads. Norris: Lidstrom/Pronger/Brian Campbell. Niedermayer has 18 more points than Campbell, Campbell has +26 to Niedermayer's +8. I call it even.

That's what Ugueth!

You would. Nazi.

Get in chat, you asshat. Bad poetry! Oh noetry.

Real Name: Justin "JJ" Johnson. Characters Portrayed: JJ Johnson. Just him. Yep. Mmm hm. In SWF Since: March 30th, 2005. Lockdown from Boise, Idaho. Life? Real-Life Height: 6'2", thereabouts. Real-Life Weight: 195, but I look about 160, apparently. Real-Life Age: 17. Real-Life Location: Picture: Education: Working on my third year of high school. Accomplishments Outside of SWF: Uh. Favorite Band: Mastodon. Favorite Song: Right now, "Stained Glass Cross," Down. Organ solo. Favorite Movie: The Rock. Virgin? Explain.: No, Verizon. Accomplishments Within SWF: 0-infinity in matches of import. Favorite SWF Moment: Danny-Mak Ironman. I heart Danny, and Mak is pretty awesome, even if I'm now going to have to refer to how much he loves orange soda. Ah, childhood. Favorite SWF Writer (All-Time): As mentioned, Danny Williams. Favorite SWF Writer (Current): I like Windy, when he writes. So, Landon. Why You Joined The SWF: Bored, really. I like writing, I like wrestling, and our powers combined, Captain SWF, etc. Unrelatedly, finding Henrik Zetterberg's player reminds me that Zed looks a lot like Pavel Datsyuk: . Also, I thought Mike was threatening people with the title. "You better know a writer, or bang! Zoom! To the moon!"

Checkmate.

Yeah, he's a horse short of an apocalypse.

I was in the bookstore a few days ago and saw a paperback version of Cell. Buy it right now.

About the zombie thing: you should also pick up The Zombie Survival Guide, by Max Brooks, and its sequel, World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie World War.

Don't you ignore me, Raynor. You have been warning.

Flik should like Barbosa like Ricky Marvin.

If it's on the same day of the week, changing the name is silly. For the longest time, the WWF had RAW and WCW had Nitro, and they were RAW and Nitro every week, and it wasn't a big deal at all. And TNA calls every show Impact, as has been established. Why change the name if you don't change the date?

He basically Tom Clancy'd The Stand, but it's still really good, and I've been bugging Raynor to get it for months. He said he'd get it when it came out on paperback.

I'd like to point out that last year I took it upon myself to schedule every single show. Naturally, it didn't get done, but in my World Tour part, I put a show, maybe even a PPV, in Nassau.

Are you going to be doing these regularly, WC? I love the HOLT.

Smarks Board Name: JJ Johnson Wrestlers Name: JJ Johnson Nicknames: The Canadian Murder Machine, Mr. Cold Front Classic. Thus far, JJ and King are the only ones who refer to JJ as Mr. Cold Front Classic. Height: 6'1" Weight: 228 lbs. Hometown: Toronto, Ontario Age: 23 Face/Heel: Asshole heel in terms of actions. He's tweener in terms of crowd reaction, until the Return Nostalgia™ wears off. Stable: No Ring Escort: No Weapon(s): Kendo stick, HIMSELF WIT KUNG FU LOLCELOT Quote: "Save your breath. You're going to need it." Looks: Shaved head, lumberjack beard with faint handlebar mustache. He's slowly but surely growing his hair back. Tattoos coat his arms, not Undertaker-like so much as a more extensive CM Punk. Danielson-esque build, more defined around the abs. In the ring, he wears dark, dark, almost black forest green knee-length tights with a yellow upside-down maple leaf design on each hip, sans stem, along with black elbow pads, black boots, black knee pads and yellow kick pads. Wears a black-on-yellow CM Punk-style track jacket to the ring, with a yellow Olde English J on the left breast, and should he hold any titles, he holds them by the strap in his hand like Misawa did, stacked on top of each other should he hold more than one. He also wears Chono-style sunglasses. All the true dicks wear sunglasses. Ring Entrance: The lights drop out, and an ungodly voice begins chanting... *BOOM!* ... and then a blast of red-and-white pyro goes off at the entranceway, Behemoth's "Slaves Shall Serve" revving into full gear, frantic drumming and chord-riffing assaulting the audience. Through the smoke comes JJ Johnson. At this point, it's really up to you, but he neither plays to nor mocks the crowd. He'll go up the stairs, step through the ropes, and go up to the second rope to do the ol' crucifix pose, but everything else is flexible. Stats: ¯¯¯¯¯ Strength: 6. He German Suplexed Aecas once, but that took a lot out of him. Use that as your reference. Speed: 6. Very quick on the mat, and an acceptable-to-good flier depending on his mood. Vitality: 6. Very good at absorbing blows, and sucking up pain. It should be noted that he's only tapped out once, having come back too early from his neck injury and been put into the RTF II by Toxxic. Charisma: 2. He's witty enough. He just doesn't talk a lot. Style: Dynamite Kid/Bryan Danielson/Mitsuharu Misawa with an infusion of mixed martial arts, drawing upon JJ's now-long-distant UFC background. Signature moves -Elbows: Rolling, roaring, diving back, suicida, you name it, he does it, and you bet your ass that he does it damn well. -Kicks: All sorts, with the exception of spinning wheel kicks. Fuck that shit. He has a few favorites. --Gamengiri: Jumping kick to the face. We all know this. --Yakuza Kick: Running big boot. We also all know this. -Kawada-style half crab: Namely, hoist them high angle and plant a foot on their head for good measure... complete with Canadian Maple Leaf setup. -Lumbarjack: JJ drapes his opponent over the top rope via front suplex, then climbs to the top rope and double stomps them in the back. -Dangerous German -Buffalo Sleeper -Cozy Lariat: Satoshi Kojima-style lariat. -Exploder '98: Sheer-drop pumphandle T-bone suplex. Common moves -Exploder: JJ usually uses this if he needs the Exploder '98, but the opponent is too resilient to lock in a pumphandle or he's just too damn tired. -Belly-to-belly suplex -Half-hatch suplex: single-underhook suplex, or Tiger Neck Chancery suplex, depending on your mood. -Jumbo-style Backdrop: BIIIIG back suplex. This isn't pick you up and suplex you so much as it is catch you, throw you up, jump, and catch you again on the way down to your shoulders/back. -Die Deutschefalle: "The German Trap". Grab for German Suplex, roll backwards for Japanese clutch pin. -Cowboy kicks: STIFF kicks to the back of a seated opponent. -Flying scissors -Running high knee: Akiyama-style, so from the front instead of HHH's goofy side shit. -Dragon Flip: When whipped into the corner, JJ will more often than not leap, place his feet on the second and top turnbuckles, and backflip over the charging opponent, should they be charging. If not, JJ likes to either launch himself backwards with an elbow smash, or leap backwards, but turn and nail the opponent with a gamengiri; however, whatever he does is up to you. -Dickery: Being a dick heel. --He will frequently complain of beard pulls, legitimate or not. --He will lift opponents in an elevated chickenwing and walk them into the corner. Yes, manhood first. --If all else fails, just write the biggest asshole you possibly can. When he's in dick mood, he's out to embarass his opponent as much as possible, and he talks trash like R. Lee Ermey. Rare moves -Kawada-style folding powerbomb: Not rare in the sense that he rarely uses it, rare in the sense that most of the time he tries it, he can't lift them. It builds drama, you see. The fans like it when the heel can't put the face through the canvas. If he does hit it, it's a legitimate fall, but kick out of it all day if you feel like it. -Dangerous suplexes: Besides the Dangerous German, which is kind of just a name. Dragon Suplex, Tiger Suplex, half-nelson suplex, etc. -Diamond Head: One-armed side sitout sheer-drop Thunder Fire Powerbomb. *takes breath* Basically, Johnson will reach with one arm (usually his right, dominant arm) across the opponent's body, lock his hands, lift and put the opponent over his shoulder, at which point he simply sits out and throws them down, and whatever happens happens - usually a nasty neck/skull landing. Easy to reverse, but this is his ace, so to speak. If he hits it, and you kick out, it's probably an extremely serious feud, or it's a World Title match. If it's one of those situations, PM me. -Stepover facelock: With the opponent on their knees, stand to the side, trap the near arm between your legs, put the opponent in a facelock and squeeze/grind. JJ has only used this once, when his opponent's face was beaten to all hell, but Danny Williams has used it to great effect, most famously against the massive Frost. Finishers -ADF II: Emerald Frosion. Side sitout Tombstone Piledriver. Name stolen from Janus to commemorate the time JJ kicked their ass back to Australia. -Juji-gatame: Cross armbreaker. It made Danny Williams tap out like a little bitch, although not when applied by JJ. For an example applied by JJ, ever wonder where TKO went? There you go. -Oyasumi Nasai (Oji na Shinsetsu): KENTA's Go 2 Sleep. Get them in a fireman's carry, then shove them forwards and knee them quite unceremoniously - and quite stiffly - in the face as they fall. It's not as powerful as the ADF II, but it's easier to hit, and most of JJ's psychology revolves around hitting people in the face anyway. Notes: If you don't see a move you think would be awesome if JJ did, so long as it isn't something like a 450 noogie bomb, a shooting star wedgie, or a spinning wheel kick, go for it. JJ also has neck issues after taking the Stinger from Va'aiga at 13th Hour 2006. Doctors don't recommend falling vertical on your head from seven feet up. Go figure. He's not like Charlie Matthews or John Duran, where you give him a mean look and his head will fall off, but it'll bother him if you work on it. Most of the time he'll just suck it up, though. Bio: After recovering from MANSON looking at him the wrong way, JJ Johnson is back in action!

Hey, my match sucked, Clark's match was good, Tom's match was very good at cramming a CDM into the space he did, and the main was not Toxxic's best work, but still very good. Comments!

Well, my badminton inabilities are publicized quite well.

Well, we'll obviously have the ramp that leads directly to the ring. And that's how I'm writing it regardless of whether or not we decide this.

I believe you mean Crimson, good sir.

JJ Johnson (1) v. Landon Maddix (2)©, Cold Front Classic Finals, 2/3 falls.

Das works, Raynor. Das works. Du hast gewesen Warnung, Raynor. Du hast gewesen Warnung. Opening promo, please.