Jay Bower names Test

[haVoc 0]

 

 

The year was 2000 and Andrew "Test" Martin was primed to burst into the main event scene. After a compelling slowly built romance with Stephanie McMahon that was turning him into a pretty popular babyface, Test found himself in the middle of the ring ready to marry Vince McMahon's daughter. The setup was perfect with a cheesy love song crooned at ringside, members of the McMahon family on hand in tuxes and an elaborate set. It was amongst the probably five to ten most memorable moments in Raw history, and Test played his part to perfection. From his mannerisms to his facials to his words, he really seemed like a guy about to tie to the knot. But it wasn't to be as Triple H --who still wasn't over yet despite months of monster pushing --sabotaged the wedding, drugging the bride and hitting the arena to cut one of the best promos of his career. Calling Vince "Dad" and asking "Not if, but how many times will we consummate the marriage", Triple H's career was launched at that point in time in my opinion.

 

Test was a man scorned, his wife drugged and forced to marry the man she hated. This should have set up a series of pay-per-view matches that would have propelled both men's careers into the stratosphere, but it didn't. Instead, Triple H treated Test as an afterthought, defeating him once on television, never giving him a shot at revenge on pay-per-view and basically killing Test's heat in a matter of weeks, something that Test never recovered from.

 

Since then, Test has been close to breaking out but something has always happened. Whether it be stuck in a tag team with Albert, playing third fiddle in The Union or having the Un-Americans --a group making main event waves on Smackdown-- sent to Raw to die like everything else on the vacuum of a show. (Test may have joined the group when they came to Raw, I can't quite remember).

 

Then, Test finally got a haircut and to many people's surprise, the shorter hair actually looked better. Sporting a new array of tights and a new haircut, sometimes that is all it takes to rejuvenate your career, something Christian and Hulk Hogan can attest to though all three also made drastic improvements in their overall character and ring work as well. Soon, Test was teamed with Stacy Kiebler and the "Testicles" catch phrase was introduced. Though exactly the kind of stupid thing WWE fans tend to latch on to, the gimmick was dropped inexplicably soon thereafter despite Test's shirt becoming a hot seller on Shopzone.

 

Through his teaming with Stacy Kiebler, Test has really come into his own with his character. Perfectly embodying the egotistical jerkoff who usually gets the girl and then treats her like crap, the former bodyguard is quickly becoming amongst the most hated on a show where most are usually met with indifference.

 

After perhaps the best post-wedding performance of his career in recent weeks, Test was nowhere to be found at SummerSlam or Raw despite being, in my opinion, amongst the best things going on Raw today. While internet dweebs in chatrooms everywhere chime in with silly, unreadable font saying "Test sux dood!" because it's the popular opinion amongst other idiots, I'm going to liberate Test from that stigma HERE AND NOW! Test is finally drawing some serious heat in the ring, is a much better worker than anyone gives him credit for, can be effective on the mic and has gotten himself into the best physical shape of his career. Test was great on The New Tom Green Show at a time when Triple H, The Undertaker and Bill Goldberg have all come off pretty flat on late night talk shows and aside from that, his piss drunk performances on Girls Gone Wild and more recently the DivaSearch website were amongst the greatest things that I have ever heard. One thing is obvious, and that is with Test's physical and psychological progress as of late, he is making a serious effort to improve himself on a show where everyone seems content with simply treading water. For these reasons, Test is YOUR 411Mania News-Center wrestler of the week!

 

 

Credit:

Jay Bower/411

 

Does anyone actually agree with what he said?

[Guest BionicRedneck]

Yep. He's a fucking moron.

[Insane Bump Machine 0]

his piss drunk performances on Girls Gone Wild and more recently the DivaSearch website were amongst the greatest things that I have ever heard

This is sad.

[CanadianChick 0]

I guess I could see why, but why would you give someone a wrestler of the week when they didn't even wrestle this week? Just a thought.

[AndrewTS 0]

While internet dweebs in chatrooms everywhere chime in with silly, unreadable font saying "Test sux dood!" because it's the popular opinion amongst other idiots, I'm going to liberate Test from that stigma HERE AND NOW!

 

This is called a "straw man" fallacy. Misrepresenting some one person or group's viewpoints to try to make your's seem more valid.

 

There are plenty of logical arguments to make why Test sucks, made by people of higher intelligence than a typical AOL user.

 

For example, his terrible selling. "Test selling" has been dubbed for the type of selling where a worker grabs a body part in mock pain, but otherwise doesn't seem to feel any damage to that body part, doing moves that use that body part without any ill/decreased effects. Yeah, the performance the other week was well done, but obviously is quite different than selling an injury in the course of a match.

 

That alone wouldn't be so bad, but it's also well known that Test's offense has gone from a wide array of power moves used in spotty fashion, to punch, kick, big boot, *fill in other Nash moves here*.

 

Even when Test did a wide variety of power moves, he still didn't know how to work--he had no clue how to string them together into a good match. He'd do a Northern Lights Driver or so 5 seconds into the match, then be doing chinlocks halfway through. Lame.

 

Test is finally drawing some serious heat in the ring, is a much better worker than anyone gives him credit for, can be effective on the mic and has gotten himself into the best physical shape of his career.

 

We see here empty claims made without any sort of backup or justification. How about proving it? Where are all the matches he'd made steps forward in improving himself?

 

And wow, he's starting to get heat again after three years of pushes. Obviously he's great and we're overlooking him. He's had one good match, and that featured Shane bumping like a freak for him.

 

"Effective on the mic?!"

 

HAAAAAAAAAAAAR--dee-har-har!

 

Have fun, Anglesault.

[Nevermortal 0]

Scotsman beat him.

[Guest Smell the ratings!!!]

Though exactly the kind of stupid thing WWE fans tend to latch on to

I agree with that part actually.

 

Also, I think it's funny to see a complaint about someone getting pushed despite not being over in an article about Test.

 

Also, Test sux dood.

[Bored 0]

After all his name is GAY Bower. LOL2003

[The Czech Republic 0]

Actually, the year was 1999.

[Guest Coffey]

I agree that Test works hard in the ring...however I have to disagree that he is good on the stick.

 

Actually, I would say that Test has very underrated wrestling skill. I know a lot of people rag on him here, but I think most of that just comes from people being afraid to get into a confrontation with Anglesault. We all know how much he despises Test.

 

Test needs a new name, tron & gimmick though. The WWE should let him use his whole moveset as well. Testdrive, Dos.boot, Savage Elbow, Diving Powerbomb, Meltdown, etc. It would add more to his matches, and you never know what move would win the match.

 

He sucks in the charisma dept. though. Although I will give him credit for the injury fake.

[Spaceman Spiff 0]

I guess I could see why, but why would you give someone a wrestler of the week when they didn't even wrestle this week? Just a thought.

That's *is* the perfect time to name Test "Wrestler of the Week". He didn't have a bad match, didn't screw up a promo, and didn't do a bad acting job.

 

Thumbs up, Test!

[MARTYEWR 0]

Not to reign on anyone's parade, but Jay Bower's been known to have a ton of sarcasm in him in the past. Just a thought.

[NYU 0]

Sadly, I didn't really find any sarcasm in that article. I think he was actually being serious.

 

To be fair, Jerry Lawler should have been wrestler of the week. Hasn't wrestled in months but, this week, got an Intercontinental Title shot and a win over Triple H. He truly is inspirational.

[Guest Retro Rob]

Ummm... I think that was sarcasm. You guys are really on your A game tonight....

[Fökai 0]

Ummm... I think that was sarcasm. You guys are really on your A game tonight....

Yeah, but with this quote -

 

After perhaps the best post-wedding performance of his career in recent weeks, Test was nowhere to be found at SummerSlam or Raw despite being, in my opinion, amongst the best things going on Raw today.

 

...Jay acknowledges that Test was inactive this week. There's no definite hints of sarcasm (the "Shopzone" comment might work), but I wouldn't put it past him based on his own sense of humor.

[Guest Anglesault]

I like Jay, so no comment.

 

but I think most of that just comes from people being afraid to get into a confrontation with Anglesault. We all know how much he despises Test.

 

Oh, come now.

[Guest Smell the ratings!!!]

I think most people would think of an argument with 'Sault as a highlight.

 

damn you for liking everyone I like. Even the widely hated Christian. Do you hate D'Lo?

[Guest Anglesault]

I think most people would think of an argument with 'Sault as a highlight.

 

damn you for liking everyone I like. Even the widely hated Christian. Do you hate D'Lo?

Indifferent on D-Lo

[Guest Trivia247]

they gave Test the opportunity to use such cool moves intially

 

Pumphandle Powerslam, Full Nelson Slam, Flying elbow drop, That Gutwrench Powerbomb... even the roll of the Dice......but he makes everything look shitty and it devalues what he is allowed to do...

 

So he uses the Old Barbarian Kick of Fear

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

Yes, but when he was relegated to just The Big Boot, he made that move look GOOD. Of course, it was mostly the pants (SLAPPY SLAPPY~!)...

[Guest Coffey]

It will forever be dubbed the Dos.Boot

 

C'mon, jump on my bandwagon!!

[Guest Anglesault]

It will forever be dubbed the Dos.Boot

 

C'mon, jump on my bandwagon!!

Nothing Test does/has done/ever will do deserves a clever nickname

[Guest Coffey]

but dude, it's the DOS.BOOT~!

[AndrewTS 0]

Yes, but when he was relegated to just The Big Boot, he made that move look GOOD. Of course, it was mostly the pants (SLAPPY SLAPPY~!)...

So? Tajiri does the same thing with his kicks.

[The Dames 0]

I call it the BIG ABOOT~! in my recaps.

 

Dames

[Guest EI Cubano]

Sorry about the delay in defending my stance, I lost my posting name in the great exodus a few weeks ago and more importantly, my "member#7" badge of tenure. Probably karma biting me in the ass for putting Test over so strong.

 

I have done some SHITTY things in my day, but I have never been so personally attacked as I have been the in the last 48 hours. People have wished harm on me and my family, denounced my column for ever and accused me of being a junkie just because I named Test "Wrestler of the Week". Though it would be a good way to save face, I'm going to have to admit that there was no sarcasm meant.

 

First of all, "Wrestler of the Week" may be a decieving name. If it was what the name implied, Guerrero would win 52 times a year and what fun would that be. It's more like a "Spotlight On..." involving someone who doesn't always get the recognition that they deserve. The week before it was RVD because he's been on deck his entire life so to speak, always has fan support and is the only one who has the balls to badmouth his direction publicly.

 

Personally, I'm starting to warm to Test. I thought he got the shit end of the deal in the wedding angle, bumbled around sucking for a couple years and now is starting to show some charisma. Sure he can't come out and improvise a 20 minute acoustic set like The Rock can, but Test has had the crowd chanting "Asshole" at him in several of his last matches through his actions, not his words, and that's something not a whole lot of people have done as of late.

 

Anyway, in no way did I say he was Kurt Angle or anything, I just meant to imply that there are SOME redeeming characters about the guy. "Can be effective on the mic" means just that, sometimes he can be effective in getting things over, sometimes he can't. I thought he was entertaining with Goldust backstage, his treatment of Stacy embodied the essence of that dude everybody knows who treats his girl like shit and I think, compared to where he was say six months ago, Test is a better PERFORMER than he was.

 

I agree that Test isn't great in the ring, but really, when you think about it who is on RAW? The thing with Raw is this...Where guys like WGTT had Los Guerreros to grow from working with and Edge and Lesnar had Kurt Angle, NOBODY on Raw is all that good. You can't get better very quickly from wrestling people as average (or worse) than you and it takes a lot of wrestlers working with a solid wrestler to turn them into those who carry rather than those who are carried. Look at Lance Storm, he's actually gotten worse in the ring I think as a result of all the shitty opponents he has had to work with. If you're waiting for Raw to turn into Smackdown, you might want to find a few hundred good books to pass the time. They just dont have the level of talent or athleticism.

 

Test has been working with Scott Steiner for what seems like years now. I could be wrong, but you can't expect him to turn into Ricky Steamboat fighting a guy who can barely lace his own shoes due to his fucked up back and freakish body. Plus, Test is a big guy which means he is automatically handicapped in doing the kind of fast paced moves fans have come to expect. How many big guys are even remotely watchable in the ring? Not Mark Henry, Nathan Jones, Sid, Nash, Bradshaw, Albert or Kane (overrated as hell in my book) and a solid (non Kurt Angle involved) match out of The Undertaker and The Big Show is the exception not the rule.

 

Test is no Lou Thesz, but as someone mentioned, he does have a decent moveset in hiding, including that big elbow I miss. My friend John C from The Wrestling Oratory used to watch him in the Indies up near Toronto all the time and said he used to have a huge moveset as well. He's worked briefly with some good wrestlers before, but hopefully he'll find someone on Raw to bring the best out of him. Unfortunately, that's not overly likely as the only people on Raw who can wrestle are old (Flair/Michaels/Goldust), also heels (Jericho, Conway), or too small or unconventional to really help Test any in the long run (RVD/Spike/Hurricane). I guess that leaves Lance Storm.

 

All I meant to say was this: I think Test gets a just tad too much hate by the net and is just as much a victim of poor circumstance and lack of quality opponents as he is a mediocre worker. On a show where Rosey, Scott Steiner, Mark Henry and Kevin Nash get TV time, I'll take Test any day of the week.

 

POST#1 !!!!!

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

Ok, just answer this:

 

Are you being sarcastic or not?

[Guest Coffey]

I'm going to have to admit that there was no sarcasm meant.

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

But was THAT sarcasm?

[Guest Retro Rob]

I think Test's current CHARACTER is entertaining. At least that is one step in the right direction. Now if only he could get away from fucking Steiner.