New Book Upsets Christians

[Guest Boo_Bradley]

JESUS DIARY IS 'UTTERLY STUPID' SAY CHRISTIANS

 

BY HUGO BERGER STAFF REPORTER

 

15:40 - 18 September 2003

 

Outraged Christians have called for a novel depicting Jesus as a foul-mouthed, promiscuous, pot-smoking youth to be banned from shelves of a local bookshop. This week The Utterly, Utterly Private and Confidential Teenage Diary of Jesus by cult author Paul Murphy went on sale at Ottaker's Book Shop in Middle Street, Yeovil.

 

Mr Murphy's account of Jesus' adolescent years is vastly different from the Bible, portraying him as a typically-confused teenager.

 

In the diaries Jesus calls the Virgin Mary a "frigid bitch", and describes his experiences of taking marijuana and LSD and having sex with Mary Magdelene.

 

Mr Murphy of West Camel believes most people will not take offence and is a fierce defender of free speech, but church leaders in Yeovil have condemned the book as blasphemous and threatened to boycott the store.

 

He said: "Times have relaxed, you walk into any pub on Saturday and there will be somebody telling a joke about Jesus or the Pope.

 

"I do not think that people who will pick up this book will be offended by it. I think the people who will find it offensive will not pick it up in the first place.

 

"I personally find sawing sheep in half offensive but I would fight to the death for people to be able to do that in a democracy.

 

"I am sure God had a sense of humour, how else do you explain the Welsh?

 

"If one looks past the surface the book makes pointed remarks about religious intolerance, holy wars, blind faith in leaders, even the Gulf War and to be frank, I have used the lowest common denominator to make some sincere comments."

 

Steve Hart of the Yeovil Community Church said Christians would oppose the sale of the book at Ottakers.

 

He said: "From what I have heard of it it sounds very offensive to Christians. Anything which is contrary to the Bible is heretical. If it is contrary to what is taught in the scriptures then it should not be on sale in Yeovil.

 

"It is amazing that someone can be so derogatory about Jesus."

 

The Rev Will Thompson of Yeovil Baptist Church said: "I would imagine that a lot of Christians would be very offended by the contents of this book.

 

"Jesus Christ is someone of importance and to be made a fool of with no authority and justification is disappointing. I do not go around asking for books to be banned but I will definitely not be buying it.

 

"Our Lord has been portrayed in many guises and he is better than all of them."

 

Local Church of England spokesman John Andrews said: "It sounds too ridiculous for words. It is very stupid and cheap and shows a real lack of imagination if this is all he can think to write about. He is obviously trying to court controversy."

 

Preston Community School headteacher Reg Jones said the book would not be welcomed in the school's libraries.

 

He said: "From what I have heard about it I would have reservations about it being available in school. Although parts of Shakespeare and Chaucer's Canterbury Tales are rather risque they do have educational purposes.

 

"With the proviso that I would have to look at it first, I would not really want a book like this in the school."

 

Ottaker's manager Marcus Bishop defended the sale of the book, saying: "I have not read it, but if we did get any complaints about it I would consider taking it off the shelves.

 

"But we are a local bookshop and we do try our best to promote local authors."

[kkktookmybabyaway 0]

OK people who are offended by this book, listen up: JUST IGNORE THE THING. The more press you give it the more people will know about it.

 

And if people find out Jesus was a doper, it might fill up the pews on Sunday -- of course, then those dirty stoners would probably stink up the church and take money from the collection plate...

[Spaceman Spiff 0]

"I personally find sawing sheep in half offensive but I would fight to the death for people to be able to do that in a democracy

He doesn't sound too bright.

 

I've got no problems w/ the book, though.

[Guest Boo_Bradley]

I've stolen money from the collection plate

 

 

/hell bound

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

I'll take two copies.

[cynicalprofit 0]

Jesus could turn water to wine, your going to convince me this guy wasnt the most popular kid around because of this?

[Guest Boo_Bradley]

He was missing for a big chunk of his life

[NoCalMike 0]

I am willing to bet that like other books that get protested, the mere actions of the protesters will drive books sales 200x higher then they would have been before.

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

I'd laugh if the novel became as big a cult classic as American Psycho, with its own cult classic film.

[Guest Choken One]

That's true...They skipped like his entire Teenage life...He had to be doing SOMETHING at this point...

 

Personaly, It looks like a Spoof or something...

 

but leave it to the christians to find ANYTHING offensive...

[Ultimo Dugas 0]

This just looks like another one of those ridiculous things people do to get attention.

[Guest Eagan469]

religion is bullshit

 

there isn't a reason NOT to parody it

[Guest JMA]

religion is bullshit

 

there isn't a reason NOT to parody it

Amen. These fundies sound like the book burning kind...

[Golgo 13 0]

Hmm. Another select group of fundie christians get all uppity about something.

 

Sounds like just another week to me.

[Dr. Tyler; Captain America 0]

religion is bullshit

 

there isn't a reason NOT to parody it

Amen. These fundies sound like the book burning kind...

...that's both stupid AND ignorant.

 

The reason Christians believe this book is fucking stupid and offensive is because it's entirely baseless; regardless of whether or not he was in the bible's view the entire time he was a child doesn't mean he was a stoner and a piece of shit. That's simply absurd and it goes contrary to every piece of evidence in the bible. Jesus gave lessons about respecting your parents and talked about how he was completely obedient and subservient to his mother, for one, and there's plenty of other shit to refute the rest... but...

 

Then again, it's a stupid piece of fiction that I wouldn't even know about unless you posted this. In a sense, who cares? The only thing we have to worry about is idiots like those in this thread that said something to the effect of "Well, it COULD be true....." because it can't, it isn't, and you're an idiot for even thinking that.

 

That being said, I'm not even remotely outraged with it; it's a work of fiction, and a relatively unknown one at that. If it becomes big and starts influencing people's views of Christians and Christianity, yeah, I'd probably be irritated at it, too. Are you calling me a fundie, JMA?

[Guest Eagan469]

Then again, it's a stupid piece of fiction that I wouldn't even know about unless you posted this.

Oh come on, you've read the bible.

[Ripper 0]

Anti-religion...its just getting sad.

[Dr. Tyler; Captain America 0]

Don't you have some new poster that you have to brand as Prince Paul somewhere?

[Guest JMA]

...that's both stupid AND ignorant.

Guess we'll have to agree to disagree.

 

Are you calling me a fundie, JMA?

No. I'm calling the people who want this book "banned from the shelves" fundies. Because they are. Any truly devout Christian would let this go, seeing as how they would be secure in their faith.

[dubq 0]

Then again, it's a stupid piece of fiction that I wouldn't even know about unless you posted this.

Oh come on, you've read the bible.

Swish!

[Dr. Tyler; Captain America 0]

The problem with your assertion that we should simply "let it go" is exactly what I said before; some morons will be convinced by this book that Jesus really was like that, etc. That's why I don't particularly care right now, because it's just a small-time book that no one will probably ever read. Calling the people who want it off the shelves "fundies" though is not only baseless, it's also extremely anti-religion prejudiced.

[Guest Eagan469]

I'm not "anti-religion", I think it's a great way to maintain morality throughout the world.

 

My beef is that those who are religious have it cemented in their conscience that what they believe in that regard is real, and the correct way to think (*cough*Tyler*cough*).

 

Step back for a second and think of this:

 

If you and 500 people went to a farm every Sunday since you were born, and a man told you that when you die you turn into a chicken, what would you believe?

 

*now think of this*

 

If you and 500 people went to a church every Sunday since you were born, and a man told you that when you die you are took either into paradise or eternal damnation, what would you believe?

 

It's all bullshit.

 

There's a reason we're here. Look at us, we're civilized and evolved to the point where we can actually ponder our origins on this earth.

 

Just don't let anyone inflict their beliefs and opinions over your own free-will.

[dubq 0]

The problem with your assertion that we should simply "let it go" is exactly what I said before; some morons will be convinced by this book that Jesus really was like that, etc. That's why I don't particularly care right now, because it's just a small-time book that no one will probably ever read. Calling the people who want it off the shelves "fundies" though is not only baseless, it's also extremely anti-religion prejudiced.

Yeah, because there's never been any prejudice involved in religion. Nope. Never.

[Dr. Tyler; Captain America 0]

My beef is that those who are religious have it cemented in their conscience that what they believe in that regard is real, and the correct way to think (*cough*Tyler*cough*).

 

Please, son. Don't get me started on that; if you frequented this board instead of mindlessly bantering about wrestling or something, you'd realize that I'm one of the most open minded individuals on this forum about religion. However, when you guys say "LOL STUPID FUNDIES THEY'RE JUST SCURRED" or something stupid like that, I take exception. If this was even a valid critique of modern Christianity (ala Twain -- "Letters From The Earth," which I thought was both entertaining and accurate in a sense), I'd be arguing on the other side of this. However, all it serves as is an irrelevant story about how Jesus was a stoner. That's stupid, inflammitory, and libelous, in all seriousness. Like I said, I don't care what some backwater writer decides to dream up in the midst of a hairy orgasm, but the sheer potential that it could get a lot of publicity and fame for being anti-religion... and not based on any fact at all... fuels the libel argument and makes it seem completely fucking stupid to support such a work of fiction.

[Dr. Tyler; Captain America 0]

Yeah, because there's never been any prejudice involved in religion. Nope. Never. 

 

How does that have anything to do with the argument?

[Guest JMA]

The problem with your assertion that we should simply "let it go" is exactly what I said before; some morons will be convinced by this book that Jesus really was like that, etc. That's why I don't particularly care right now, because it's just a small-time book that no one will probably ever read. Calling the people who want it off the shelves "fundies" though is not only baseless, it's also extremely anti-religion prejudiced.

I'm not anti-religion, Tyler. The people who want this book off the shelves ARE fundies. Period. They want anything "bad" said about about Christianity to be unavailable to the public. This is why I said that they were "the book burning type." And any moron who believes this to be a true account of Jesus' life has no hope of succeeding in life. This is clearly a parody.

[Dr. Tyler; Captain America 0]

I'm not anti-religion, Tyler. The people who want this book off the shelves ARE fundies. Period. They want anything "bad" said about about Christianity to be unavailable to the public. This is why I said that they were "the book burning type." And any moron who believes this to be a true account of Jesus' life has no hope of succeeding in life. This is clearly a parody.

 

I completely disagree.

 

A parody actually has a true critique about the subject it is parody-ing. Franken writes parodies. Twain wrote parodies. Jonathan Swift wrote parodies. This is not a parody, this is a book written to incense anti-Christianism.

[Guest JMA]

I completely disagree.

 

A parody actually has a true critique about the subject it is parody-ing. Franken writes parodies. Twain wrote parodies. Jonathan Swift wrote parodies. This is not a parody, this is a book written to incense anti-Christianism.

This book is meant to cause a reaction among Christians. Whether they fall for the bait is up to them.

[Guest Eagan469]

Like I said, I don't care what some backwater writer decides to dream up in the midst of a hairy orgasm, but the sheer potential that it could get a lot of publicity and fame for being anti-religion... and not based on any fact at all... fuels the libel argument and makes it seem completely fucking stupid to support such a work of fiction.

First Amendment there, buddy

 

I could go out and write a book saying the Virgin Mary was a whore.

 

Is it true? No.

 

Is it funny? Fuck yeah.

 

Jesus is no more real than Underdog.

[Dr. Tyler; Captain America 0]

So, you're calling the author a troll?