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Karnage

Infomercials

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What infomercials really stand out for you?

 

Whenever I see those Miracle Blade or Chopper infomercials, that "Chef" Tony guy that just chops stuff up. I never knew slicing or throwing food into a chopper made you a chef.

 

Also, the Jackie Chan bowflex is one of the oddest infomercials ever. That "movie set" is just ridiculous.

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I watched the hour long Miracle Blade infomercial once.

 

It seemed like a really good deal, plus, I wanted to find out what happened with the guy using it to cut walls.

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Guest Smues

Finally a thread made for me. Ok first off I hate that Tony Little guy and his Gazelle bullshit. And of course there's Billy Mayes and his ga-zillion products. Oxy-clean, that gripper thing, the ding king (although hitting the car with a mallet rules). Matt Lesko IT'S ALL FREE SO CALL ME@!!1!!!! Mrs. Cleo were my favorite infomercials until she got sued.

 

But then there's just the worse thing ever and it drives me nuts everytime I see it. This Gillian Anderson wanna be comes on the screen "When is a diet pill worth $153 a bottle? " and goes on about how great this pill is. She says something about "If you are one of those people who worry over a few vanity pounds, Liptorin is not for you" Even though she just SOOO looks like one of those people. I bet she down liptorin by the bottle. And then my favorite line "but if you are one of the millions of americans that are 20, 30, 50 pounds over weight you NEED liptoprin" That's right, you NEED this diet pill. NEED I says, NEED. Everytime I see the Gillian Anderson wanna be walk on screen I dive for my remote, can someone please hire a hit man to get rid of her?

 

EDIT: Everyone else mentioned Chef Tony and his miracle blade 3 (if it's a miracle why did he have to make a 2nd and 3rd one?) but I felt the need to mention my favorite part, where he uses the cutters to cut a cardboard box, then uses the same ones to cut a chicken in half.

Edited by Smues

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Guest Ray
The one with that RonCo guy is funny. With his rotating cooking machine.

I've watched that, like, a dozen times.

 

Not sure why...

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I love infomercials. Did you know there's a channel that show nothing but infomercials? Channel 42 on my cable lineup. Crazy.

 

EDIT: Everyone else mentioned Chef Tony and his miracle blade 3 (if it's a miracle why did he have to make a 2nd and 3rd one?) but I felt the need to mention my favorite part, where he uses the cutters to cut a cardboard box, then uses the same ones to cut a chicken in half.

Yeah, I was saying to myself, "Who the hell cuts chicken with scissors when you have the supposed best knife set ever?"

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Guest Boo_Bradley

I watched one last night at 2 am for a Laugh in DVD set.... I was entertained....

 

LOVE Ron Popeil!

 

Mr. Popeil

by Al Yankovic

 

 

Lyrics:

 

I need a Vegematic

I need a Pocket Fisherman

I need a handy appliance

That'll scramble an egg while it's still inside its shell

 

Operators are standing by

How does that make you feel

Help me

Mr. Popeil

 

I wanna shine some pennies

I wanna mend some leather

I wanna Krazy-Glue my head to the bottom of a big steel girder

 

Please, no C.O.D.'s

Don't miss out on this deal

Ah, help me

Mr. Popeil

 

Help me

Mr. Popeil

Mr. Popeil

Mr. Popeil

 

Woah

It slices, it dices

Look at that tomato

You could even cut a tin can with it

But you wouldn't want to

 

Mr. Popeil, I'm in trouble

Need your assistance on the double

Oh no, now how am I gonna make

My old vinyl car top look like new

Mr. Popeil

Tell me, what am I supposed to do

 

Mr. Popeil

Mr. Popeil

 

Now how much would you pay

But wait, there's more

It's not sold in any store

 

Now how much would you pay

Don't answer yet

Just look what else you get

 

Now how much would you pay

If you order today

You get a Ginsu knife and a smokeless Ashtray

 

Now how much would you pay

Now how much would you pay

Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil

Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil

Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil

Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil

 

Make me buy a Garden Weasel

Make me buy a Bamboo Steamer

Make me take advantage

Of this amazing TV offer

Call our toll-free number

We'll make you such a deal

 

Aw, help me

Mr. Popeil, I want it

Mr. Popeil, well, I need it

Mr. Popeil, I got to got to got to have it

Mr. Popeil

Mr. Popeil

Hey

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Guest Skironox

Girls Gone Wild commercials just depress me, they make me think "Man, I could be there... what the hell have I done with my life?!"

 

Anyway, I mark out for the Chuck Norris and Christie Brinkley total gym commercial. I'd want one, but it would just sit there and be a waste of my money.

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Guest Skironox
My favorite is the one with Ron Jeremy and a couple has been porn stars talking about some new herbal male aid or something. Dont ask.

The product you are referring to is extenze. Yes, sadly, I sat down and watched the whole half hour of this infomercial. I was thinking some network actually gave Ron Jeremy a talk show and he was the worst host ever. Then 10 minutes later I found out it was an informercial with the worst acting ever. Just TRY to sound interested and sincere, Ron!

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Random thoughts...

 

- I gotta say that I'm partial to the George Foreman Grill. Probably one of the biggest success stories as far as products-shilled-on-infomercials go.

 

- Ron Popeil is just AWESOME at shilling his products. I always get sucked into his infomercials, even the really old pasta maker ones.

 

- The Thunderstick looks like a pretty cool product, but the thing I hate is the "whip water" part. YOU'RE NOT WHIPPING WATER, YOU'RE WHIPPING COFFEE!!

 

- This reminds me that I need to put a hand blender on the gift registry

 

- OxyClean works pretty damn well, as long as it supplements your regular detergent.

 

- Jennylee Harrison is literally half the woman she was when she was on "Three's Company". Ye gods she looks truly frightening now.

 

- Whatever happened to Nancy Nelson?

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My favorite is the one with Ron Jeremy and a couple has been porn stars talking about some new herbal male aid or something.  Dont ask.

The product you are referring to is extenze. Yes, sadly, I sat down and watched the whole half hour of this infomercial. I was thinking some network actually gave Ron Jeremy a talk show and he was the worst host ever. Then 10 minutes later I found out it was an informercial with the worst acting ever. Just TRY to sound interested and sincere, Ron!

He also does another one...verbatix or something. I dunno.

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Ron Popeil's Pasta Maker is awesome. I haven't seen that one in ages.

 

Nancy Nelson has been in so many infomercials. Food Dehydrator, Pasta Maker, Diamond cookware, some painting material set, Food Saver...probably more.

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The one with that RonCo guy is funny. With his rotating cooking machine.

I've watched that, like, a dozen times.

 

Not sure why...

Is that the "Set it, and forget it" one? Cause I've definitely sat through that on multiple occasions. I think that he is strangely hypnotic.

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the ronco electric food dehydrator infomercial hypnotized me when i was younger. i have no idea why, but every time i caught it on tv, i had to sit there and watch it till it was over.

 

i do the same thing with his new machine now, even though that one isn't as good. it just doesn't have that special *i don't know what* that the electric food dehydrator had.

 

a couple months ago i saw vanna white on an infomercial shilling a space-age toothbrush. that woman looks scary now from so much plastic surgery, i barely recognized her. oh how i long for her 'goddess of love' days.

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I've seen the Ron Popeil infomercial for that damn rotisserie quite a few times.

 

Why? Very simple - I like to eat, I like to eat animal flesh, and damn if some of that stuff he's cooking doesn't look damn good.

 

Oh, and I actually have Matthew Lesko's autograph.

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I saw a Ron Popeil infromercial for the electric food dehydrator back in the day. But the sub-products were hilarious. One of them was an airmat you hang in yer garage between the two cars so when you open the car door it doesn't damage the other car.

 

Anyone remember the FlowBee?

 

Miracle Mop comes to mind as well.

 

How about George Foreman's lean, mean, fat reducing grilling machine, fit for George and his son's George, George, George, George etc.....(yes he really named all of his sons George).

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Joey Styles did an informercal for a commerative coin set. It was weird to see him all calm and shit. I kept waiting for an....."OOOOOOOH MY GAWD"

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How about George Foreman's lean, mean, fat reducing grilling machine, fit for George and his son's George, George, George, George etc.....(yes he really named all of his sons George).

 

Hell I think even named his girls George. It seems Mr. Foreman took to many blows to the head when he was boxing.

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Anyone remember the FlowBee?

Remember? I saw it in a store at an outlet mall last week.

 

How about George Foreman's lean, mean, fat reducing grilling machine, fit for George and his son's George, George, George, George etc.....(yes he really named all of his sons George).

Like I said, I like the George Foreman Grill. One of the greatest things a bachelor can have in his apartment...

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The FlowBee OWNED.

 

My all-time favorite, tho, is the Tom Emanski's Defensive Drills video. Just like Fred McGriff says, "THIS is the video that gets results!"

 

EDIT: AHHHH! How could I forget?! ... BLU-BLOCKER SUNGLASSES.

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The Red Healing Hankerchief was my favorite. A hankerchief blessed with the power of God that heals any ailment you have if you just put it on it.

 

For instance, a wife with a drunk husband puts the hankerchief under his pillow one night and the next day he stops drinking and becomes a loving husband.

 

It was golden.

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Guest Ray
The one with that RonCo guy is funny. With his rotating cooking machine.

I've watched that, like, a dozen times.

 

Not sure why...

Is that the "Set it, and forget it" one? Cause I've definitely sat through that on multiple occasions. I think that he is strangely hypnotic.

Yep, that's the one.

 

It's on literally every night here.

 

I think there must be some rule that says every single channel must air an infomercial at 4:00 am.

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