Funny WWE Headlines

[The Ghost of bps21 0]

It would have been the worst thread ever...if I didn't think there was at least a slight chance that Paris Hilton's video actually did star Jeff Hardy.

[SuperJerk 0]

Y2Jerk sleeps with stuff animals

 

Wow I can't believe I just thought of that.

And I can't beleive you thought that was funnier than my shit.

[snuffbox 0]

Y2Jerk sleeps with stuff animals

 

Wow I can't believe I just thought of that.

And I can't beleive you thought that was funnier than my shit.

....and yet it was.

[SuperJerk 0]

Y2Jerk sleeps with stuff animals

 

Wow I can't believe I just thought of that.

And I can't beleive you thought that was funnier than my shit.

....and yet it was.

Oh TAG~!

[tommytomlin 0]

I'm still pissed thatr they used my name in one of their crappy jokes. We don't have to make up LOLFAKEHEADLINEZ of our own to earn the right to call yours unfunny. They just ARE. You're posting on a public forum, so don't have a hissy fit when people think you're less entertaining than a Carrot Top/Garrison Cade team-up show.

[snuffbox 0]

this jus in...

 

wwe signs famously obese film legend Marlon Brando to longterm contract. it is rumored that he will be given a world title upon arrival. vince mcmahon was quoted as saying 'he will make the perfect wwe superstar! hes a big fatfuck with no ability to work regulary, whats not to love?!'

 

and internet wizkid Y2Jerk has been hired as head writer for Monday Night Raw.

 

 

[Mole 0]

I don't even know who half of you people are.

 

Other than fella Buffy mark bps.

[SuperJerk 0]

I'm still pissed thatr they used my name in one of their crappy jokes.  You're posting on a public forum, so don't have a hissy fit when people think you're less entertaining than a Carrot Top/Garrison Cade team-up show.

You're posting in a public forum, so don't have a hissy fit when someone uses your name in a post.

 

You keep telling me I'm not funny...and yet you keep reading. Interesting.

 

Very interesting.

 

 

In other news...

 

Matt Hardy's New TitanTron Revealed

 

[Mole 0]

I'm still pissed thatr they used my name in one of their crappy jokes.  You're posting on a public forum, so don't have a hissy fit when people think you're less entertaining than a Carrot Top/Garrison Cade team-up show.

You're posting in a public forum, so don't have a hissy fit when someone uses your name in a post.

 

You keep telling me I'm not funny...and yet you keep reading. Interesting.

 

Very interesting.

 

 

In other news...

 

Matt Hardy's New TitanTron Revealed

 

Ten bucks says you get banned in a few weeks.

[Guest Repo Man Reborn]

Sources are reporting that Smarks poster Moleslayer has been telling people backstage that although he ins't familiar with many of the posters, he is perfectly comfortable with posting in this thread.

 

 

I welcome the venom. It is like sweet nectar from the gods.

 

 

 

 

Ted Arcidi to return?

 

Nope.

[The Kid 0]

The Kid, Piece Of Shit

It has been reported that TSM poster, The Kid, is feeling like shit. That is all.

Pantsonfire.com

 

 

Hm...I wonder if thats a real site.

[snuffbox 0]

hmmm...hilarity has still yet ensue in this thread

[Mole 0]

Sources are reporting that Smarks poster Moleslayer has been telling people backstage that although he ins't familiar with many of the posters, he is perfectly comfortable with posting in this thread.

 

 

I welcome the venom. It is like sweet nectar from the gods.

 

 

 

 

Ted Arcidi to return?

 

Nope.

Your point?

[Guest Repo Man Reborn]

It has been reported that Smarks poster MoleSlayer has apparently refused to work a program with sarcasm. Backstage sources have heard him say on at least two occasions, "Hey, I'm not pulling a Austin-Jarrett or Rock-Cena thing here, I just won't do it."

 

 

 

SNUFFBOX TO ADD HEADLINE?

 

Smarks poster Snuffbox, known as a man of few words, considered for the briefest of moments to contribute to this thread to freshen up his gimmick, but then later fell back into his previous and only gimmick of Critic of Funny.

 

 

Gobbledegooker II? and III?

 

Backstage sources will neither confirm or deny that because of the breakup between Eddie

and Chavo Guerrero, Hector Guerrero will be brought back in reprising his Gobbledegooker gimmick in attempt to bring some levity to the situation. The payoff on this angle will have Chavo, Eddie and Hector are reuniting and sporting unique chicken costumes at the next PPV.

Stephanie McMahon is said to have been the creator of this angle and after Vince McMahon picked his head up from between Sable's legs, he gave his rousing approval.

[Superstring 0]

I'm not going to pretend that I came up with this but frankly the thread needs livening up

 

WWE SIGNS NEW WRESTLER TO CONTRACT

 

It was announced earlier today by WWE official Jim Ross that reknowned indy wrestler Sergeant Spreadsheet has been signed to a contract by officials. "Sarge isn't the most muscular wrestler but he does wear wrist braces to make his repetitive stress injuries less of a bother" said JR.

 

Here is commentary from his last match

 

"BULGY MCSTEROID has sergeant spreadsheet on the ropes! it looks like it is all over WAIT WHAT IS THIS!!! OH NO SERGEANT SPREADSHEET JUST INSERTED A PAGE BREAK, RIGHT AT THE LAST MOMENT!! bulgy mcsteroid backs off and tries to shake it off! spreadsheet comes toward him and it looks like... yes he is merging cells!! suddenly the match is even and-- wait, spreadsheet gets up on the turnbuckle, steadies himself... bulgy mcsteroid comes towards him and spreadsheet jumps... and IT IS THE DEVASTATING CHART WIZARD!!! BULGY LOOKS CONFUSED, HE'S TRYING TO CHOOSE BETWEEN A LINE GRAPH AND THE X-Y SCATTER PLOT, I THINK HE DOESN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE... NOW HE'S DOWN... THE REFEREE IS COUNTING DOWN AND SERGEANT SPREADSHEET IS THE WINNER!!! THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!!" (CAMERA SWITCHES TO SIGN IN CROWD, THE SIGN SAYS "SPREADSHEET A3:A16")

[Spaceman Spiff 0]

Excel-lent!

[SuperJerk 0]

I'm still pissed thatr they used my name in one of their crappy jokes.  You're posting on a public forum, so don't have a hissy fit when people think you're less entertaining than a Carrot Top/Garrison Cade team-up show.

You're posting in a public forum, so don't have a hissy fit when someone uses your name in a post.

 

You keep telling me I'm not funny...and yet you keep reading. Interesting.

 

Very interesting.

Ten bucks says you get banned in a few weeks.

That's not a very nice thing to say about tommytomlin.

What'd he ever do to you?

 

 

 

Backstage Heat Between Chants?

 

Rumors backstage suggest that the once fan-favorite "You Fucked Up!" chant is very jealous of the amount of airtime the "Holy Shit!" chant has been getting lately.

 

Regular fans may have noticed the inordinate amount of appearances "Holy Shit!" has been making lately, and that "You Fucked Up!" does not even appear during Women's Division matches anymore.

 

"You Fucked Up!" is also upset that "Holy Shit!" is being used to try and get Rosie over, when it is perfectly obvious that "You Fucked Up!" is more suited to the task.

 

In a related story, the "Boring!" chant will continue to work Raw shows, despite the fact it couldn't get Lance Storm over.

 

 

 

WWE Gives Reason For Booking Decisions

 

In a move that stunned a bunch of internet nerds, the WWE publicly announced it had very sound and reasonable explanations for recent booking decisions at press conference in front of Titan Towers yesterday.

 

"We have very sound and reasonable explanations for our recent booking decisions," said a representative of the company. The representative then walked back into Titan Towers, and locked the door behind him. Then security asked us to leave.

 

We will post updates as they become available.

 

 

 

Randy Orton Not Happy With Push

 

WWE Superstar Randy Orton is reportedly not happy with the size of the push he's been receiving.

 

"Daddy and Grandpa said I should be world champ by now! I got the look and the body! Why can't I be world champ yet?" the current Intercontinental Champion was heard asking backstage.

 

While some are suggesting that Orton has already received enough of a push, others have argued that perhaps the Senior Ortons just don't have enough blackmail material to pressure Vince McMahon into giving their child a World Title reign.

 

No word on what blackmail material the Senior Ortons might have on Vince McMahon, but rumors say it might involve donkeys, hookers, or pictures of McMahon with Bradshaw.

[Guest Repo Man Reborn]

I was all ready with the NERD ALERT chant, but this line got me laughing.

 

(CAMERA SWITCHES TO SIGN IN CROWD, THE SIGN SAYS "SPREADSHEET A3:A16")

 

I am being forced to use Excel now, so I get it.

 

 

 

POSSIBLE FAMILY MEMBER?

 

Smarks poster Superstring is denying reports that he is realated to the novelty product, Sillystring.

He has even gone so far as to denounce Sillystring, as well as Creepy Wall Crawlers, confetti, groucho glasses and those annoying New Year's Eve noisemakers.

 

 

After seeing Big Show's sweet man udders last night, I am convinced he is really sticking to the FATKINS diet.

[Nevermortal 0]

[SuperJerk 0]

^Worst. Ebaumsworld Pic. Ever.^

 

Dude, if your gonna flame me, at least give me the courtesy of not stealing someone else's picture to do it.

 

That's just weak.

 

_________________

 

Superstring is like no ordinary string. That's why he's super.

 

I don't use Excel, and even I thought it was pretty funny.

 

I sell for Superstring's post like John Cena on uppers.

 

 

 

More on McMahon/Orton Blackmail

 

Sources have learned that the blackmail material the Ortons are using to get Randy his push is, in fact, this picture:

 

"Those are the largest breasts I've ever seen!

Can I please touch them?"

 

Some doubt the validity of this report since the photo has been already circulating the internet since yesterday.

[Guest Repo Man Reborn]

I didn't know the fat bald guy from MTV2 news had a band.

 

[Nevermortal 0]

^Worst. Ebaumsworld Pic. Ever.^

 

Dude, if your gonna flame me, at least give me the courtesy of not stealing someone else's picture to do it.

 

That's just weak.

 

_________________

 

Superstring is like no ordinary string. That's why he's super.

 

I don't use Excel, and even I thought it was pretty funny.

 

I sell for Superstring's post like John Cena on uppers.

 

 

 

More on McMahon/Orton Blackmail

 

Sources have learned that the blackmail material the Ortons are using to get Randy his push is, in fact, this picture:

 

"Those are the largest breasts I've ever seen!

Can I please touch them?"

 

Some doubt the validity of this report since the photo has been already circulating the internet since yesterday.

You're not worth the time to come up with something original, fucky.

[Toxxic 0]

TRIPLE H DITCHES STEPH!

 

The wrestling world was rocked today as news filtered out of Titan Towers that Neanderthal-looking, walking-injury list roid-monkey Triple H is no longer married to Stephanie McMahon, and has in fact divorced her to pursue a meaningful relationship with Jesus.

 

Speaking from halfway up his own backside, Triple H said that he felt that while being engaged to the daughter of Vince McMahon had its advantages he could get along in life even better if he was dating the Son of God. When asked if this didn’t require a 180 degree shift in his sexuality Trips replied “Better to be fucked in the ass and get ahead than be fucked in the ass and go nowhere - just ask Ultimo Dragon”.

 

In order to prove his worth to his future Father-in-Law, Triple H bravely went out to confront the minions of Hell, showing admirable dedication to the cause despite having no arms, a left eye that only works on every second wednesday and no less than three pulled groins, while also suffering from a concussion gathered in a freak smiling accident on Raw in late August. After twenty minutes of pitiful television, 19 minutes of selling his opponents’ moves but never actually looking in danger of losing, and repeatedly kicking out of Armageddon, Triple H hit the Devil with the Pedigree, paused to age, die a slow and lingering death and get reincarnated through the Buddhist cycle (starting with an ant and working back up) before pinning Beelzebub after a slow three-count from a referee nearly suicidal with boredom. When asked after the match if not putting over the myriad hordes of Hell wouldn’t damage their credibility, Triple H replied that they had got on national TV and were now better known than any other group of demons.

 

When asked for a comment on Triple H’s actions, Bradshaw replied “What he said, and anyone who says different is obviously a 13-year old on his mum’s computer”.

[Guest Repo Man Reborn]

It's either dude from MTV2 news or a young, hip Dusty Rhodes.

 

 

This just in...............

 

Smarks poster NM has refuted claims that the man in his signature is in fact, a young Dusty Rhodes posing with his band, WEELPOWER. This historical photo was rumored to be taken around the time they were promoting their first smash single, "PULLIC PROPERTY".

 

NM has issue a statement of "No comment and Y2Jerk sux."

 

 

 

EDIT:

.....while also suffering from a concussion gathered in a freak smiling accident on Raw in late August.

 

At least someone's trying.

Good work Mike.

[SuperJerk 0]

You're not worth the time to come up with something original, fucky.

Translation: I know I suck.

 

(Before you go crying to the mods, don't forget that you flamed me first.)

 

 

And by the way, thanks for quoting my entire post instead of editting it to only show the parts that have to do with what you were talking about. I needed further proof that you're really, really lazy. Thanks for coming through for me, big guy. You're a real team player.

 

 

 

 

 

Well, now that that's settled....

 

 

 

Olsen Twins Deny Plan to Turn Eighteen

 

Former Tag Team Champions the Olsen Twins are denying reports that current plans are for them to turn 18.

 

"We don't think it'd be in the twin's interest to turn 18," said one source close to the duo.

 

"They certainly don't look like they're 18, and although there is obviously as demand for it, we don't feel that the two could get over as eighteen year olds."

 

Other backstage sources are stating that the twins' current gimmick is stale, and they really need the 18-turn to keep themselves at the top of the card.

 

"They can't stay babyfaces forever," said one anonymous road agent.

 

The current reported plan is for the former chams to turn eighteen this summer, begin making more appearance, before eventually getting overexposed and posing for Playboy before fading into obscurity.

[Guest Repo Man Reborn]

This just in......

 

NM, in a move designed to silence the debate on whether or not his signature pic was indeed a rare photo of frontman Dusty Rhodes with his band WEELPOWER, has changed his signature to a boring, mundane pink and black mess.

Those who were smart enough to save the picture will obviously benefit from the possession of such an obscure piece of history.

 

 

 

"BREAK'IN THE LAW! BREAK'IN THE LAW, IF YA WEEL!"

[King Cucaracha 0]

Wow...this is...bad. Seriously...Y2Jerk is obviously looking for some friends by throwing around your generic smark jokes. And I do mean generic.

 

And then, the jackoff decides to insult everyone who can see how lame this all is, by claiming they're not funny by avoiding joining in this suckfest. Seriously...he must have broke some rule by now. Like the 'no idiocy' one.

 

 

Well...no-one else has said it...

 

 

 

OMGBANPLZ~!

 

 

(always wanted to say that)

[SuperJerk 0]

Wow...this is...bad. Seriously...Y2Jerk is obviously looking for some friends by throwing around your generic smark jokes. And I do mean generic.

 

And then, the jackoff decides to insult everyone who can see how lame this all is, by claiming they're not funny by avoiding joining in this suckfest. Seriously...he must have broke some rule by now. Like the 'no idiocy' one.

 

 

Well...no-one else has said it...

 

 

 

OMGBANPLZ~!

 

 

(always wanted to say that)

Hey, for all you English majors out there: Would this post be considered irony or hypocrisy?

 

 

 

WWE Signs Sting

 

The WWE has announced that Sting has been signed to appear at Wrestlemania XX.

 

The former Police front-man is expected to sing the songs "Every Breath You Take" and "Don't Stand So Close To Me" at the event, which will be held this March.

[Guest Repo Man Reborn]

I want to respond to this blatant attack on Y2Jerk, but I am too busy laughing at "Strongly dislikes Mustard."

 

Is that funny on some level that only bees and lizards can hear?

 

OMGSTOPPOSTINGPLS~

 

 

In other news....

 

There is apparently no truth to the rumor that Uncle Elmer will return along with Hillbilly Jim. The WWE is satisfied with the workrate of their current sloth, The Big Show. Vince McMahon, went so far as to praise the Big Show for making man-tits seem downright meanacing.

[King Cucaracha 0]

Oh no...please don't insult my Matt Fact inspired title. Please. Anything but that.

 

And, if you know anything about the board, you'll know the OMGBANPLZ~! has been used for...

 

 

...wait...why am I even explaining it? Good god, this is lame. LAME. I wouldn't have expected you to 'get it'. Maybe you're not funny enough.

 

 

But I have to admit, comparing the wrestler Sting and the singer Sting was HILARIOUS! Man, you must have one hell of a sense of humour to come up with that one.

 

Excuse me while I try to stop laughing in hysterics.