French fries, your nose, laughing, up in there...

[Downhome 0]

I never thought I could get such displeasure from eating a french fry, but you live and learn I guess. So me and my cousin decide to hit a few stores today, and for lunch we went to Wendy's. Everything seems cool enough, other than their getting both of our orders wrong, stupid fucks. We finally sit down to eat, and blah blah blah, then something bad happens...something very bad.

 

I notice two little girls, maybe 7-8 years old each, going from table to table, with a box of Krispy Kremes. They finally come up to our table, and in the sweetest voice she looks up at us both, and asks us "Would either one of you care to buy a box of donuts for $5 to help me with my SCHOOL TRIP?". I just say "no thank you", and think nothing of it seeing how I didn't have any small bills and didn't feel like breaking a $10 or a $10, but my cousin had other plans. He pulls out $1 and gives it to her, saying he doesn't have enough for a box but he'd love to make a donation. He's usually not one to do like that, so I saw it as kind of odd.

 

I ask him why he gave the kid a single buck, it just isn't like him. At this point, I took a single french fry, loaded like hell with ketchup and salt, and stick that thing in my mouth and chew a single time, not even enough to break it up into pieces. Then, right as that is going on, my cousin finally replies to me...

 

..."Why did I give her a buck? How in the world could anyone NOT give at least a single buck to a little girl who comes up to you in the middle of Wendy's, and asks you to buy some donuts to help her fund her SKIN TRANSPLANT!?"

 

At this point, I about died laughing, and little did I know that would be a mistake. I never thought I could succesfully snort an entire french fry up into my nasal passage untill today. As he said that, I laughed, and as a result all of the fry, all of the ketchup, and all of the salt went flying up to me nose, and I thought I was going to die. I couldn't breathe for a short time, and all the while I was trying like fuck to get that shit out of my nose...everyone in the restaurant is now looking right at me. So here I am, coughing, not being able to breathe, blowing my nose over and over again trying to get a fucking french fry out of my nose.

 

After a few minutes of struggle, I am finally able to cough up that french fry, back down from my nose and out my mouth it went. What I had left was about 3/4 of it, about an inch and a half or so. I couldn't believe it, but I wasn't done yet. I kept blowing my nose, and every time I would blow out ketchup, salt, and chunks of potato every time. This went on virtually all day, and only ended a earlier this evening.

 

My problem though, is that ever since it happened, I've felt like total shit. I haven't been able to eat hardly anything, my throat hurts, my head is aching, and my nose is fucked up. I never knew a single french fry could cause such a shitty experiance.

 

If you are wondering why I'm laughing, it's just because it caught me off guard. I couldn't believe that my cousin thought something like that when I heard her perfectly say something else...he's weird though, so whatever.

 

So, the moral of my story is simple. Wendy's is the devil, and you should never laugh while eating anything.

 

I've simply never had such a large piece of food do that before, and I never want it to happen again. Have any of you had such an experiance before?

 

Sincerely,

...Downhome...

[BX 0]

I have.

 

I was eating a pound cake, sitting on the floor, when someone sneaks up behind me, and surprises me.

 

Well, I got surprised, all right. The uneaten piece of pound cake in my mouth, shoots up into the webbing between the back of my mouth and my nose.

 

JESUS.

 

FUCKING.

 

CHRIST.

 

Talk about pain! I spent the next three hours alternately making a snorting pig sound, and flexing my throat muscles, trying to get this shit out. It's PAINFUL.

 

Finally, it all fell out with about two inches of muscus surrounding it. I promptly threw it outside, where I imagine some animal must have eaten it.

[syxx2001 0]

Sickos. The most I've ever done is exercised my esophogus, swallowing and bringing the food back up.

[Boner Kawanger 0]

I'm sure I've done it to someone. I made milk come out of someone's nose back in the 8th grade. God, I was so proud.

[DerangedHermit 0]

I've had soda go through my nose. Tingled for a little while.

[Guest ElectricRaccoon]

Probably the funniest thing that ever happened to me, from I think grade 10. Me and a couple of buddies were hanging out in the stairwell drinking soda (look out, hardcore!), and I said something that made one of them laugh - probably all the swears or something. Anyway, as he's laughing, he sprays soda out his nose, so I start laughing my ass off. While he's hackin' and hootin', he drops his soda can and most of it spills. A couple of seconds later, this girl (didn't know who she was, still don't) walks through the doors into the stairwell, slips on the fucking pop and bails down the stairs. To be fair, we didn't REALLY start laughing until she got up - then I laughed until I damn near collapsed. Got shot the bird for laughing at her too, beginning my lifelong obsession with being flipped off by women.

Edited January 3, 2004 by ElectricRaccoon

[Guest Douche]

I once got a lettuce leaf with Italian dressing stuck in my nose. I thought it was just my sinuses acting up again but then I blew my nose and realized that it was way too big and way too green to be a booger.

[DerangedHermit 0]

Ewww...

[Murmuring Beast 0]

Karma's a bitch, Downie.

[Nighthawk 0]

I had a bunch of rubber cement up my nose once. I was able to blow it out when it dried a bit. I thank the Lord it wasn't airplane glue or it would've been the emergency room.

[Nevermortal 0]

So, how 'bout them Dolphins?

[Superstring 0]

I remember once when I was about 8 I'd gone to France and we'd got something to eat from a bakery. The guy running it must have decided to offload his food that had gone off cause I ended up the next day with the WORST FOOD POISONING EVER.

 

I was throwing up every 2 hours and couldn't keep anything down so we decided to go home early. While on the ferry back I threw up again but this time the carrot bits got stuck up the part between my throat and my nose and I couldn't get it out

 

So I ended up at home with the combined pain of having stuff stuck up my nose and the stomach acids that I'd thrown up burning my nostrils.

 

Moral of the story - Don't go to France

[The Metal Maniac 0]

I once said something to my cousin that made him laugh so hard he shot toothpaste out of his nose.

 

He said it was painful as all hell. I just laughed.

[The Kid 0]

When I was in grade 5 I had some nasal and breathing problems to I went to an ear,nose and throat specialist. He decided that the best thing to do would be to take this long fiberglass tube with a camera on the end and shove it right down my nose and into my throat. Holy shit it was so uncomfortable and painful, it felt so weird when he got it all the way through, it kept tickling the back of my throat and making my gag reflex go crazy. I never went back after that for some odd reason even though we made an appointment..still have the breathing problems too. Moral of the story, do not let people shove fiberglass tubes down your nose and into your throat.