Wrestling 101

[Guest wrestlingbs]

Ever wonder why when Christian says he just wants to be friends with Jericho you know he will turn on him? Or that when Goldberg challenges HHH to a match RIGHT NOW you know it won't happen? It's because the world of professional wrestling follows certain unofficial rules, not unlike how the universe follows the laws of physics. So, for the benefit of wasting time, let's make a list of them...

 

1. The Law of Moral Segregation

Any time two people are fueding, it will always be between one face (good guy) and one heel (bad guy). There is no middle ground.

 

2. Austin's Theory of Moral Badass-ness

Any time it appears two faces or heels are feuding against each other, one will ultimately turn. If it's a heel, he'll be the "rough loner" who lives by his own rules. If it's a heel, they'll turn because of jealousy, greed. etc.

 

3. There Must Be a Special Club (Moral Segregation Postulate)

All heels and all faces work together. At no time will a face befriend a heel or vice versa unless one is about to turn. This holds true even if only a couple of weeks ago the heels or faces were trying to kill each other, stalking loved ones, or blowing up the each other's houses.

 

4. J.R.'s Double Standard (Derived from Stacy vs. Austin's Beer)

Heels do terrible acts such as attack people for no reason, taunt women, and steal candy from infants. Faces also do these things, but it's ok, because they're faces.

 

5. Principle of Anger Management

Most problems between wrestlers are solved withn the space of about a month. Anything that doesn't usually lasts until Wrestlemania.

 

6. Peace Sucks! (the booker's amendment)

NEVER, EVER will problems between two wrestlers be solved outside the ring or with words. This includes problems that in no way could be solved with a match.

 

7. An Idiot's Guide to Feuds, Pt. 1

Fights can break out over anything. Titles, championships, special distinctions, women, men, property, money, attempted murder, jealousy, family, politics, religion, pride, legal troubles, past grievances, and coffee. Or it could just be that the guy's having a bad day.

 

8. Don't Break the Fourth Wall (Camera Rule)

People will be oblivious to what another person is doing, even if the camera man is there, taping it. This occurs even if it's been weeks since it's happened, or even if the person was actually there, witnessing it!

 

9. Gulible Reasoning

A wrestler will believe anything that is told to them, even if it's obvious to everyone else that it's not true.

 

10. Foley's Theory on Cake.

If there is a cake, someone will end up in it.

 

keep it going!

[TheFranchise 0]

11. The referee can't hear a chair shot if his back is turned, even from a foot away.

[DrainYou42 0]

12. Whenever they are in someone's hometown, it will be used in an angle that night.

[Guest Dynamite Kido]

13. In a Tag Team match it is important to make a "tagging" noise by clapping your hands while your partner comes in. It makes NO sense to actually tag him.

[Guest Skironox]

Addendum to 13 - This only applies to the heels. For some reason the faces are completely incapable of doing this.

 

14. Anytime a heel goes for a kick to the balls, he is automatically disqualified. Anytime a face goes for it, some Deus Ex Machina must come in and distract the referee.

[WrestlingDeacon 0]

15. At least two black wrestlers in a federation will either be in a tag team or feuding with one another at any one time.

 

16. The wrestling styles of all foreign wrestlers will be termed as "unorthodox" by the announcers.

[Just John 0]

17. During a tag match, a face will usually force a heel backwards so the face can make the hot tag. Unfortunately, the other heel will distract the ref, who must quickly intervene and force the fresh face back to his corner.

 

18. Everything is made of "steel"

[WrestlingDeacon 0]

19. Tag teams always break up by having one member of a team turn on the other, usually due to selfish pride. No teams ever just fade out.

 

20. Inevitably, the face will be pegged to be the bigger star, but the heel member of the former team will actually go on to have the better career.

[Guest Fook]

21. The slightest touch from a wrestler will knock a referee out.

 

22. When a referee is knocked out, he will only revive when one wrestler is pinning another.

[Masked Man of Mystery 0]

23. No table is ever set up, no foreign object is brought into play, etc. for no reason. It will be used, whether in the intended method or otherwise.

Edited January 7, 2004 by Masked Man of Mystery

[Masked Man of Mystery 0]

18. Everything is made of "steel"

Except pipes. which are always made of lead, and of course tables, which are wooden.

Side question: What are annoucner tables made of? They must be balsa wood or something because they collapse almost on impact.

[The Metal Maniac 0]

I think it's not what the tables are made out of, but how they're made. The table top rarely seems to break...instead, the whole thing just collapses.

[deancoles 0]

24.If a wrestlers says "why wait until sunday when we can do it right here and right now in the middle of this ring" there is no chance of it actually happening.

[Guest Fook]

25. Everyone is always shocked by a heel turn, even if it's forshadowed months in advance.

[Guest Dynamite Kido]

Addendum to 13 - This only applies to the heels. For some reason the faces are completely incapable of doing this.

 

.

thank you. For future reference this will known as rule 13a.

[Papacita 0]

26. Heel champions will defend their titles against anyone, anywhere, at any time...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...just NOT TONIGHT~!

[Guest Dynamite Kido]

27. Even though you may be able to bodyslam a 700 lb man, you will have immense trouble walking around a 130lb referee when he is holding you back.

[eiker_ir 0]

28. The arm never drops the third time when the ref is checkin a submission like a sleeper hold or chinlock.

 

29. when someone whips you to the ropes, YOU HAVE TO RUN!! there's no way at alllll to stop your own feet.

[deancoles 0]

30. It's ok for a Face to interfere(lita in 2000) but if a heel does it it's wrong.

[WrestlingDeacon 0]

31. It is possible for two bald men to have a hair vs. hair match.

 

32. All Samoans are savage animals

 

33. All Samoans have a skull thicker than concrete

 

34. Any manager carrying a cane will use the cane to get his tag team or wrestler the win. Unless it's a blow off match, then the face will intercept the cane and brain the heel for the win.

 

35. "Powder" and "mist" may cause permanent blindness if sprayed directly into the eyes.

[deancoles 0]

36. Never headbutt a samoan.

 

37. If your British you're a snob,drink tea and eat fish and chips(wcw used them in a hardcore match)

Edited January 8, 2004 by deancoles411

[JHawk 0]

38. The first wrestler to go for the pin when the referee is knocked out will lose.

 

39. If the announcers make a big deal about the time limit, the match will end in a draw. (This is even more true now, since time limits are almost never mentioned.)

Edited January 8, 2004 by JHawk

[deancoles 0]

40. If you're Japanese you can't speak English.

 

41. The heel always takes advantage halfway into the match.

[EdwardKnoxII 0]

42. If you're a heel and you mistreat a lady JR will call you a bastard and damn you to hell.

 

42a. If you're Stone Cold Steve Austin you can hit a woman for not drinking a beer and JR will excuse it because it's STONE COLD BY GAWD.

[Masked Man of Mystery 0]

32. All Samoans are savage animals

With the Rock being the exception to that rule, but he's only half Samoan.

[deancoles 0]

43. Even though his bulldog keeps the other guy down for ages Scotty 2 Hotty will go for the worm instead of a pin.

[Mecha Mummy 0]

42. If you're a heel and you mistreat a lady JR will call you a bastard and damn you to hell.

 

42a. If you're Stone Cold Steve Austin you can hit a woman for not drinking a beer and JR will excuse it because it's STONE COLD BY GAWD.

That's already rule #4.

[Guest Dynamite Kido]

28. The arm never drops the third time when the ref is checkin a submission like a sleeper hold or chinlock.

I actually believe that Money Inc. beat the Natural Disasters for the WWF Tag Titles on WWF Superstars in around 1992 when Dibiase made Earthquakes arm drop 3 times. I SWEAR!!!!!!

[Guest Dynamite Kido]

44. Anytime a wrestler uses a new gimmick, even though he may look pretty much the same, there is to be no comparison or mention that said wrestler may be that person.

[Guest Fook]

45. All heel women are Jezebelles who seduce the male wrestlers for their own nefarious means. Face women can also seduce the male wrestlers, but they aren't Jezebelles.