JoeDirt 0 Report post Posted January 18, 2004 From livejournal.com Allison Danger picks up the inoccent looking Punk rock wrestling hooligan who hasn't slept on a Wednesday night in the past three months at the Baltimore airport. What follows is their story. Names have been mostly made up due to Punks hatred for officers of "the law"... So yeah, I let Allison drive my car, and she doesn't crash it, so we celebrate by me getting pulled over for (are you ready for this?)..... :drum roll: Driving too close to the vehicle in front of me. At least that's what the very clean cut looking officer who more than likely winds down his hard days "work" by downing a case of beer and beating his wife silly because he's embarassed he can't help his 8 year old with his math homework told me. I was told that I was following one and a half car lengths behind the guy that cut me off, when I was supposed to be following him TWO car lengths. Officer Douche Mcallister asks me the usual questions, and the entire conversation went exactly like this: Pig McBlueboy: Do you have anything in the car in the way of drugs or weapons? Punk: Nope. PM: Okay, i'm going to go run your license, just sit tight... Punk: No worries. ::Idiot cop walks back to his car:: ...in the meantime, another squad pulls up... Punk: Figures they'd need two cars for something as stupid as this. I can't believe he's writing me a ticket for something this stupid. Allison Danger (looking in the side mirror of my car): Um, Punker, I want you to keep calm. Punk: Huh? I am calm, I just think it's stupid that (Punk sees that the second squad is a K-9 unit) WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!? Allison: Punk, just keep cool! Punk: Fuck that, I don't....OH...OH! You've got to be kidding me! ::Officer #2 approachs my car with his DRUG DOG:: Punk rolls down passanger side window and yells at cop Punk: ARE YOU RIBBING ME? GET THAT FUCKING DOG AWAY FROM MY CAR! ::officer does'nt respond:: Punk: Serisouly, are you fucking kidding me? Hey! ::officer starts to knock on Punks car with his hands:: Punk: Okay, Okay! Honestly, you fucking DICK, get the fuck away from my car, or i'll eat your dog. ::Officer #1 approachs Punks car once the dog and officer #2 are dog circling the car:: Officer Dickhead: Can I ask you to step out of the car? Punk: Absolutely not. Officer Asshole: Well, I need to explain this to you... Punk: Do it with me in the car Officer Bitchass: Well, can you step out of the car... Punk: Ya know what, fine... Now this is where it gets fairly hilarious people. I literally step out of the car, and once i'm fully stood up, i'm at least a foot taller than this cop. The look on his face was priceless. He takes a step back, and I shit you not, gulps. I'd imagine i'm horribly frighting looking by this point, because i'm legit furious that this little bullshit profile stop of my car results in a drug dog harassment. He backs up, never taking his eyes off me, and I nearly back him into traffic... Officer Justshitinhispants: Um...this is your warning. Punk: Great ::turns to walk away:: Officer Banana Brains: You need to take this, but before I give it to you, what do you want to tell me about what's in your car? Punk (now turning green): What? Officer pleasedontkillme: Is there anything in the car you want to tell me about, I'll give you the chance to tell me the truth, why were you in Nashville? Punk::raising his fists right in the cops face:: What do my knuckles say?! Cop: Why were you ::gets cut off by a very angry Punk:: Punk: WHAT. DO. MY. KNUCKLES. SAY? a very sad looking police man: Drug free. Punk: Exactly, so i'm a little offended about the dog right now. Copper: Um...okay, well, here's your warning, have a nice day Punk: Go fuck yourself. Reading this back now, it doen't even do it justice. Allison was sure that I was going to jail due to the way I was freaking out Every day of my life is like this. Never slowing down, always topping the day before. Life is hard, and I hate politics. Jimmy Rave is going bald. Bill Behrens is a sonofabitch. And I, soon to be the leader of the world, am better than you. Go play in traffic. Also, R.I.P Sterling James Keenans girlfriends Iguana. XxX Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lightning Flik 0 Report post Posted January 18, 2004 Is that for real? Oh man that is so fucking fun... I don't blame CM Punk for thinking it to be a rib. I so thought it was till it turned so damned serious. And I laugh so hard at the officer asking "What are you doing in Nashville?" Twenty bucks says that idiot of a cop was tailing CM PUNK for at least a good long time, before this happened. ...still, that is hilarious. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sandman9000 0 Report post Posted January 18, 2004 Punk is god. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JoeDirt 0 Report post Posted January 18, 2004 WHAT DO MY KNUCKLES SAY? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest champchavez Report post Posted January 18, 2004 Isn't Punk so cool! Isn't Punk so badass! Isn't Allison Danger a homely, homely gal! Isn't that tattoo on Punk's shoulder a corporate 'Pepsi' tattoo! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nevermortal 0 Report post Posted January 18, 2004 Isn't Punk so cool! Isn't Punk so badass! Isn't Allison Danger a homely, homely gal! Isn't that tattoo on Punk's shoulder a corporate 'Pepsi' tattoo! Aren't you an idiot! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lightning Flik 0 Report post Posted January 18, 2004 Isn't Punk so cool? Isn't Punk so badass? Isn't Allison Danger a homely, homely gal? Isn't that tattoo on Punk's shoulder a corporate 'Pepsi' tattoo? To answer your first question: yes. To answer your second question: yes. To answer your third question: better than that. To answer your fourth question: yes. ...yes, I'm being an ass because I can. Anyways, I gotta admit that although I haven't seen anything of Punk's stuff (yet), I'm definitely feeling like going out of my to finding something just to see if he's this entertaining and then some. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Garth 0 Report post Posted January 18, 2004 Thats Hiliarious, even more reason for me to love Punk than i already do. He was awesome when i met him, wish the photo of him and I had come out. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye 0 Report post Posted January 18, 2004 I'm sorry, but any cop I've ever dealt with would have put Punk on the ground for being suck a dick to them. Especially if he's raising closed fists in their face. Punk is a good storyteller though. Good stuff. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PsychoDriver 0 Report post Posted January 18, 2004 Very very funny story. But what kind of cop was this? Barney Fife? can't believe he talked to a cop like that and nothing happened to him. If you did that here in LA the cops would probably beat the crap out of you, put you in jail and slap you with a fine. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Corey_Lazarus 0 Report post Posted January 19, 2004 And then the lawsuits would come out, as no physical altercation took place until the cop struck first. Funny story, though. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jingus 0 Report post Posted January 20, 2004 Officer pleasedontkillme: Is there anything in the car you want to tell me about, I'll give you the chance to tell me the truth, why were you in Nashville? Hah. Nashville cops, gotta love 'em. They'll pull over damn near anyone who doesn't look like a WASP republican if they feel like doing a drug search. Hell, we've even got a catchphrase for it: getting pulled over for DWB, or "Driving While Black". Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Open the Muggy Gate 0 Report post Posted January 20, 2004 And that is why CM Punk rules all. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Dynamite Kido Report post Posted January 20, 2004 CM Punk ownz the Nashville Police Department. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Steviekick 0 Report post Posted January 20, 2004 That was an amazing story. Thanks to his commentaries, I can honestly say that I mark for CM without having seen a full match of him. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Youth N Asia 0 Report post Posted January 20, 2004 get the fuck away from my car, or i'll eat your dog. Classic. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Mandarin 0 Report post Posted January 21, 2004 He's lucky he got some pretty laid-back cops, I guess. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Youth N Asia 0 Report post Posted January 22, 2004 I doubt that's a 100% true story, but a fun read. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest netslob Report post Posted January 22, 2004 2 things: he told a cop "Go fuck yourself"...uh-huh, sure he did...if he did, his ass would still be in the cooler as we speak (or type as the case may be)...and chances are he'd have a floor-lamp up his ass...oh wait, he's white, isn't he?...strike that last part... and a professional wrestler who abstains from drugs and alcohol...BWAAAAHAHAHAHA!!! whatta crock o' shit!! whos' he trying to kid? funny story, tho. cops are dickbags. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
