k thx 0 Report post Posted February 7, 2004 Chapter One. ::Chave awoke from a deep sleep. It was dark. He didn't know what the time was, but it was raining heavily outside. Beside him, a phone was ringing. He picked it up, as was the style at the time:: Chave: Hello? Mysterious Voice: You are wanted Chave. Come to the mysterious old warehouse on the outskirts of Old Portsmouth Town. Chave: Sonofabitch! ::Chave leapt out of bed athletically, like a great big lumpy salmon. He put some random clothes on and ran out of the house into his chavemobile and drove swiftly to the warehouse. He entered, and could see nothing except the shadowy outlines of two strange figures:: SF#1: Come no closer. Chave: Who are you? Why have you brought me here? SF#2: We need help Chave. The Earth is under attack. Chave: Buh? SF#2: Buh indeed Chave. Chave: No seriously. Buh? SF#1: Quite. Strange events are being occurring in the vicinity of Old Portsmouth Town. SF#2: Sheep are being stolen. Young children are speaking in tongues. Crop circles are appearing everywhere. Chave: What do they say? SF#1: They say “Bring us the head of Chave”. Chave: Cor blimey! SF#2: Quite. That is why we have called for you. Chave: So, are you going to protect me? SF#1: No. Why the hell would we do that? Chave: Out of the kindness of your heart? SF#2: No. We’re cunts. Chave: Oh. Bugger. SF#2: Quite. Chave: So what do you want me to do? SF#1: We need you to find out what’s causing these strange occurrences. Aliens? Communists? Big fucking dinosaurs? Chave: At a guess, I’d say big fucking dinosaurs. SF#1: That’s preposterous. Chave: Touche. So, are you going to aid me in my saga? SF#2: No. I told you. We’re cunts. SF#1: You must go now, Chave. Time is of the essence. Chave: But I’ve go so many questions. Who are you? Why now? Why me? Where should I go? SF#2: All will be revealed in time. Now go, Chave. Fulfil your destiny. Start your saga. And do it soon. We’ve only rented this place out ‘till four. Chave: ‘kay. ::Chave leaves the warehouse, gets into his chavemobile and heads East. He does not know where he’s going, why he’s going there or what the ending of this saga will be. But he walks with pride. And with a slight limp.:: THE SAGA WILL BE CONTINUED SOON~! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest cobainwasmurdered Report post Posted February 7, 2004 *Farts* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
k thx 0 Report post Posted February 7, 2004 *Farts* my saga > your saga. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest cobainwasmurdered Report post Posted February 7, 2004 *Farts* my saga > your saga. I had a saga? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
caboose 0 Report post Posted February 7, 2004 When I first came across you Chave, a while back now, you seemed such a nice poster. You were somehwat witty and somewhat original. Now, if I were you I'd just claim to be ill and having a poor run of form. That way others may ignore the fact that you are as stale as three week old bread left out in the sun. I still love you though! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
k thx 0 Report post Posted February 7, 2004 *Farts* my saga > your saga. I had a saga? The sga of cwm cwm: i am happy today . because thew sun is shiniing and i have some floweres. hello there mr. banky. banky: hello there mr cwm. how are you? cwm: i am happy banky: i am happy too. cwm: we are both happy. banky: - cwm: - banky: - cwm: - banky: wanna fuck? FIN~! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest cobainwasmurdered Report post Posted February 7, 2004 Chave you can do better buddy. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
k thx 0 Report post Posted February 7, 2004 Chapter 2 ::The sun rose over Old Portsmouth Town as Chave headed East. After the previous nights confusion, he now knew where he was going. He was going to the Old Observatory Of Old Portsmouth Town to see the local Astronomer, Fred Dineage. He drove up to the dilapidated observatory, and entered nervously:: Chave: Hello? Fred Dineage? Fred: Yes? Chave: ‘lo. Fred: What are you doing here Chave? Chave: I’m on a SAGA~! Fred: Annother one? But you didn’t finish the last one. Chave: Shut it. Have you noticed anything unusual recently Fred? Fred: Not really. Chave: Oh. Well, there’s been a load of random stuff recently. Like crop circles and stuff. Fred: I thought they were always there. Chave: Yeah, me too. Sheep are being stolen too, and kids are talking in tongues. Fred: Wyrd. So, how do you fit into all this? Chave: Well, whoever’s doing all this is calling for my head. Fred: That doesn’t narrow it down much. Chave: Ay, fuck you Fred Dineage. So, there’s been no flying saucers about recently? Fred: Well, now that you mention it, I did see a strange airship the other day. Chave: Explain. Fred: There was a large airship hovering over Old Portsmouth Town all last week. Chave: I didn’t see it. Fred: No, it was painted as a cloud. The only way I even noticed it was there was by the large red writing on the side. Chave: What did the writing say? Fred: It said “PROPERTY OF TSM” Chave: Whoa. How do you do that color thing with your voice? Fred: I clicked on color = red before I spoke. Chave: Oh. cool. Fred: I think you're missing out on the big picture here. It said "PROPERTY OF TSM". Chave: Gasp! So, it’s a cunning ploy by TSM. But why would they be trying to kill me? Fred: Because you suck the fat one? Chave: Godammit, Fred Dineage, shut the fuck up. Fred: Dick. Chave: I warned you! ::Chave shoots Fred Dineage:: Chave: Bitch. Ahem. So, why would people from TSM be trying to kill me? What would they have to gain? Is there even a remotely good story that can come out of this? To answer all these questions and more, I must leave. To Canada! ::Chave goes to Canada:: THE SAGA WILL BE CONTINUED SOON~! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
caboose 0 Report post Posted February 7, 2004 Is this because Portsmouth are already losing today? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
k thx 0 Report post Posted February 7, 2004 Is this because Portsmouth are already losing today? Not any more! EDIT: Bugger. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
caboose 0 Report post Posted February 7, 2004 Funniest. Edit. EVER. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hoff 0 Report post Posted February 7, 2004 That's it, I'm taking over. This thing sucks, it needs some chaos and talking animals and shit. Chapter 3 Part 1 ::Chave is walking around and shit in Canada. Suddenly, a grizzly bear comes running up to him, eyes wild.:: Grizz: Dude, you gotta get out of here! Chave: Holy shit, you can ta--AAAH!! ::Chave screams as a shadow descends rapidly over he and the bear. The bear gets the fuck out of dodge as Chave looks up. A meteor falls onto Chave, knocking out most of Canada in the process. Chave, dead, rises from the rubble as a wraith, or "ghost" for the layman.:: Chave: Holy fucking shit. ::Suddenly, CWM sneaks up behind Chave, spins him around, and drives him into the scorched earth with a 3/4 facelock.:: Disembodied announcer's voice: POLLYCUTTER!! ::Chave sells the move as CWM runs off, probably to cut down the few remaining Canadian trees or something. As Chave gets to his feet, he locks eyes with....:: (end of pt. 1) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
caboose 0 Report post Posted February 7, 2004 Thunmbs in the middle, leaning down. Slightly intrigued by the ending... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hoff 0 Report post Posted February 7, 2004 It's not done yet. Cock. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
k thx 0 Report post Posted February 7, 2004 I'm intrigued. But the idea of me being dead leaves me less than happy. I'll have to find a way around that later... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
caboose 0 Report post Posted February 7, 2004 No need to call me a cock. I said I was intrigued didn't I? Jeez, some people... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zack Malibu 0 Report post Posted February 7, 2004 Chave buddy, it just seems...forced. Here, I'll get out my video camera so we can picture the Life of Chave au natural, as it happens every day. ::Chave strips down to his birthday suit, and brings out a goat on a leash.:: ...dammit dude, it's not that kind of movie. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
{''({o..o})''} 0 Report post Posted February 7, 2004 Chave buddy, it just seems...forced. Here, I'll get out my video camera so we can picture the Life of Chave au natural, as it happens every day. ::Chave strips down to his birthday suit, and brings out a goat on a leash.:: ...dammit dude, it's not that kind of movie. Let me remind you Mr. Malibu, that chave is under an exclusive iron-clad contract with me. He will not be staring in any videos without my script approval. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zack Malibu 0 Report post Posted February 7, 2004 Did I mention you get royalties for any appearances you make? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest FrigidSoul Report post Posted February 7, 2004 Chave buddy, it just seems...forced. Here, I'll get out my video camera so we can picture the Life of Chave au natural, as it happens every day. ::Chave strips down to his birthday suit, and brings out a goat on a leash.:: ...dammit dude, it's not that kind of movie. Let me remind you Mr. Malibu, that chave is under an exclusive iron-clad contract with me. He will not be staring in any videos without my script approval. This will only lead to more Extreme Pee Pee Movies starring Chave; Only on the Piss Network Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest cobainwasmurdered Report post Posted February 7, 2004 I have a feeling that his trip to Canada will inculde me and Gnomes. TSK TSK TSK, how unoriginal. I'm intrigued. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hoff 0 Report post Posted February 7, 2004 No need to call me a cock. I said I was intrigued didn't I? Jeez, some people... Cock. No harm meant, Caboose. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
{''({o..o})''} 0 Report post Posted February 7, 2004 Chave buddy, it just seems...forced. Here, I'll get out my video camera so we can picture the Life of Chave au natural, as it happens every day. ::Chave strips down to his birthday suit, and brings out a goat on a leash.:: ...dammit dude, it's not that kind of movie. Let me remind you Mr. Malibu, that chave is under an exclusive iron-clad contract with me. He will not be staring in any videos without my script approval. This will only lead to more Extreme Pee Pee Movies starring Chave; Only on the Piss Network Oh yeah, thanks for the reminder. Your subscription is running out, would you like to renew today and save? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest FrigidSoul Report post Posted February 7, 2004 Oh yeah, thanks for the reminder. Your subscription is running out, would you like to renew today and save? Only if I get a free Football Phone by acting now Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lightning Flik 0 Report post Posted February 7, 2004 (edited) Hey! chave! What about Lightning Elk? You know, my supposedly evil side of me that MrRant keeps talking about? We've gotta throw him in there! Maybe you know, he could be like trying to take over TSM and, and, and, chave's got to stop him! Of course, with my (Lightning Flik, not to be confused with Lightning Elk) help! Same with Choko (as in my real person I base her on, not like my alter-ego)! She can be like the gal that has the hots for chave! YAH! And like he like totally gets it on with her! And a KittiGal! OH! NEED ONE OF THOSE! Every good story has a KittiGal in it. The KittiGal likes me though. Lightning Flik. Not Lightning Elk. Although, the KittiGal can be Lightning Elk's KittiServent till I (with chave's help, but not so much, as he's trying to stop my evil side) rescue her and she becomes my passionate lover. OH OH OH! And Lightning Elk wants to take over TSM by kidnapping Dames and ADMIN, and turning this place into a pornotopia-hyponotism place! So that anyone who comes to TSM now turns into a porn loving freak that just needs to get his/her fix of porn! To make it even better, how about they get so horny from all that porn, that they need to have sex, but you know, can't because the Porntopia-Hyponotism Ray (otherwise called PH-R) makes everyone not able to get it on? You should add all that chave! It would make for a great story! ...what? Why you guys looking at me funny? Edited February 7, 2004 by Lightning Flik Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MrRant 0 Report post Posted February 7, 2004 I'm a little late but.... MrRant Thumbs Down Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Disbadger Report post Posted February 8, 2004 I find your lack of Disbadger disturbing. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justsoyouknow 0 Report post Posted February 8, 2004 Hey! chave! What about Lightning Elk? You know, my supposedly evil side of me that MrRant keeps talking about? We've gotta throw him in there! Maybe you know, he could be like trying to take over TSM and, and, and, chave's got to stop him! Of course, with my (Lightning Flik, not to be confused with Lightning Elk) help! Same with Choko (as in my real person I base her on, not like my alter-ego)! She can be like the gal that has the hots for chave! YAH! And like he like totally gets it on with her! And a KittiGal! OH! NEED ONE OF THOSE! Every good story has a KittiGal in it. The KittiGal likes me though. Lightning Flik. Not Lightning Elk. Although, the KittiGal can be Lightning Elk's KittiServent till I (with chave's help, but not so much, as he's trying to stop my evil side) rescue her and she becomes my passionate lover. OH OH OH! And Lightning Elk wants to take over TSM by kidnapping Dames and ADMIN, and turning this place into a pornotopia-hyponotism place! So that anyone who comes to TSM now turns into a porn loving freak that just needs to get his/her fix of porn! To make it even better, how about they get so horny from all that porn, that they need to have sex, but you know, can't because the Porntopia-Hyponotism Ray (otherwise called PH-R) makes everyone not able to get it on? You should add all that chave! It would make for a great story! ...what? Why you guys looking at me funny? .... .... What? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hoff 0 Report post Posted February 8, 2004 Part 2: Chave eats a badger, an elk gets hit by lightning, and Rant gets all negative. Then Chave goes somewhere. (end part 2) No, YOU'RE not even trying anymore. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MrRant 0 Report post Posted February 8, 2004 Hey! chave! What about Lightning Elk? You know, my supposedly evil side of me that MrRant keeps talking about? We've gotta throw him in there! Maybe you know, he could be like trying to take over TSM and, and, and, chave's got to stop him! Of course, with my (Lightning Flik, not to be confused with Lightning Elk) help! Same with Choko (as in my real person I base her on, not like my alter-ego)! She can be like the gal that has the hots for chave! YAH! And like he like totally gets it on with her! And a KittiGal! OH! NEED ONE OF THOSE! Every good story has a KittiGal in it. The KittiGal likes me though. Lightning Flik. Not Lightning Elk. Although, the KittiGal can be Lightning Elk's KittiServent till I (with chave's help, but not so much, as he's trying to stop my evil side) rescue her and she becomes my passionate lover. OH OH OH! And Lightning Elk wants to take over TSM by kidnapping Dames and ADMIN, and turning this place into a pornotopia-hyponotism place! So that anyone who comes to TSM now turns into a porn loving freak that just needs to get his/her fix of porn! To make it even better, how about they get so horny from all that porn, that they need to have sex, but you know, can't because the Porntopia-Hyponotism Ray (otherwise called PH-R) makes everyone not able to get it on? You should add all that chave! It would make for a great story! ...what? Why you guys looking at me funny? Let loose the power of the ELK~! Return to your herd and proclaim yourself.... ELK KING~! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
