Indy Guide to Shit Shows

[Guest Gatornibs]

Written by Kyle "The Green Giant" Niblett and Dave "The ShitShowShirtGuy" Tuthill (Also known as THE MARK BROTHERS)

 

*Disclaimer: This list was produced solely for entertainment purposes and in no way is intended to offend any promoter/or wrestler appearing on shit shows on a weekly basis, or scare fans away from attending those very same shows.*

 

THE LIST

 

#1- You have a battle royal on your show that includes one(1) but is not limited to the following personas: The Trailermaster (From Detroit, MI), a 4' tall Secruity Employee who is donning a pink shirt who refers to himself as a Pimp, Jason Gant.

 

#2- "Playboy" Dale Williams is an advertised wrestler on your show. This includes but once again is not limited to: His picture and/or name on a flyer, mention of his name on radio ads and/or footage of him on television commercials.

 

#3- You run a show that is outdoors with no tarp or temporary roof to protect from rain or other weather obstacles included but not limited to: snow, sleet, hail, seagull shit.

 

#4- Someone on your show has wrestled and/or feuded* with Adam Windsor in Ocala, Florida.

 

*Excluded from this list is "Daterape" Marcus Dillon, as he is talented and has since grown more knowledgable.

 

#5- The entrances for your wrestlers are the Male (Babyfaces) and Female (Heels) Bathrooms, respectively. This can also include, but is not limited to: Two(2) seperate closets, the weight room of your venue, a hallway, or the outside parking lot.

 

#6- Your wrestling setup lacks any two(2) of the following:

A) Bottom Rope (Breaking the rope mid-show is excused from this list)

B) Ring Steps

C) An Apron

D) Canvas (Using carpet for your canvas will count against you)

 

#7- Your show happens to be in a Flea Market, and/or the price to watch the show is under $5.50.

 

#8- Your show features Mister Saint Laurent in a wrestling capacity. This includes, but is not limited to: Mister Saint Laurent as a singles wrestler, Mister Saint Laurent as part of a tag team, Mister Saint Laurent in a 6 man tag.

 

#9- Wrestlers have gear that is less expensive than the cost of the ticket is to watch them.

 

#10- The opening match of your show includes any one(1) of the three(3) following: A man in a Chicken suit, A Hispanic under the name of American Wild Child, A man dressed as a Mummy.

 

#11- Your television show features segments in which Chasyn Rance is not allowed into the building, and later on in the show, a segment featuring Warlord not being let into the building by 5 or more security(Read: Kids dressed in promotion t-shirt and black jeans) before destroying one security guard while the remaining guards watch and do nothing (Sans one Black "guard" who runs away), and walking into the building.

 

#12- Your show features either of the following: A character based of a video game, A character based off a major motion picture.

 

#13- Your ring announcer makes any two(2) of the following mistakes:

A) He/She forgets the number of matches remaining.

B) He/She forgets the next match is a title match.

C) He/She errors on the wrestlers' whereabouts, height, weight, and/or etc.

D) He/She is dressed in one(1) of the following: Jeans, Boots, Cowboy Hat, Pink Sequin jacket.

E) He/She is a worker who showed up not booked.

F) He/She sports a t-shirt of a WWE Superstar.

 

#14- One of your employed wrestlers shits his pants and/or vomits in or around the ring during your show.

 

#15- Fans chant "Boring" in at least three(3) of the matches on your show.

 

#16- A randomly selected paying fan falls asleep during the duration of your show.

 

#17- Fans proceed to leave the show at Intermission (This includes before Intermission, but is also expanded to include, at the most, two(2) matches after intermission. This exception does not count when there are only two(2) matches left total on the show after the intermission.

 

#18- Fan in the Corner will not attend your show.

 

#19- There are more workers in the back and/or more girlfriends in the crowd than the number of fans paid.

 

#20- New Jack and/or "Roughouse" Ralph Mosca headline on your show.

 

FEEL FREE TO ADD

[LucharesuFan619 0]

In memory of XPW Night of Champions 2002:

 

21. When the fans start hitting a beach ball around during the main event, you know you've got a problem

[PsychoDriver 0]

#10- The opening match of your show includes any one(1) of the three(3) following: A man in a Chicken suit, A Hispanic under the name of American Wild Child, A man dressed as a Mummy.

I'd disagree with of that... American Wild Child has opened on alot of great shows with Revolution Pro and other promotions.

 

21. When the fans start hitting a beach ball around during the main event, you know you've got a problem

 

Hilarious stuff, that was just unreal live. Well that's what you get if you let that many people in for free.

[Guest Man Of 1,004 Modes]

#22: Your main event concists of Dusty Rhodes vs. some other old fart.

[Guest Dynamite Kido]

#23: A match on your card consists of one half of a former WWF Tag Team Champion.......and they were the weak link in the team.

[JHawk 0]

#23: A match on your card consists of one half of a former WWF Tag Team Champion.......and they were the weak link in the team.

If the title reign isn't official, does it still count (ie Marty Jannetty)?

[Guest netslob]

*Excluded from this list is "Daterape" Marcus Dillon, as he is talented and has since grown more knowledgable.

 

waitaminute...there's a guy on the indy circuit with the nickname "Date rape"? that's just TOO fucked up, seriously.

[Guest Dynamite Kido]

#23: A match on your card consists of one half of a former WWF Tag Team Champion.......and they were the weak link in the team.

If the title reign isn't official, does it still count (ie Marty Jannetty)?

I go with no on this one.

[Phoenix Fury Legdrop 0]

24. The promotion does two shows at the same gym/armory, and then advertise Ronnie Vegas vs. Bobo Brazil Jr. in a cage match for the next show at the end of the second show. The promotion then doesn't come back for two years, and pulls the EXACT same scam the next time they come back.

 

25. Your main event heel/booker is wearing the facepaint for the clown gimmick he's doing in the opener, while wearing his usual ring gear as a heel while taking tickets at the front door.

 

26. Bootlegged WWF/E toys and shirts are sold at the gimmick tables by one of the workers' seven-year-old daughter.

 

27. Every show opens up with DJ's from the local radio station wrestling either a redneck heel or winning a battle royal.

 

28. A face challenges a heel to a match, the heel turns it down, and the ring announcer then grabs the mic to announce himself as the "Secret Commissioner" and orders the match to happen right then and there.

 

29. You have a guy doing a leprechaun gimmick...and he has both a Confederate flag tattoo on his bicep and the deepest Southern accent you've ever heard in your life.

 

30. You go to a show with a TLC match advertised...and they end up using one ladder, one table, a trash can, three plungers, and a stop sign.

 

31. One of the faces gets so mad that everyone's not paying attention to his match that he leaves the ring mid-sequence, grabs the mic, and attempts to get a "Peter Pan" chant started to get heat. Thing is, the heel that he's accusing to look like Peter Pan is a 40-something, skullet-owning three-toothed redneck.

 

32. You waste your money on a show promoted by Ronnie Vegas.

[Guest Markingout]

26. Bootlegged WWF/E toys and shirts are sold at the gimmick tables by one of the workers' seven-year-old daughter.

 

28. A face challenges a heel to a match, the heel turns it down, and the ring announcer then grabs the mic to announce himself as the "Secret Commissioner" and orders the match to happen right then and there.

 

29. You have a guy doing a leprechaun gimmick...and he has both a Confederate flag tattoo on his bicep and the deepest Southern accent you've ever heard in your life.

 

31. One of the faces gets so mad that everyone's not paying attention to his match that he leaves the ring mid-sequence, grabs the mic, and attempts to get a "Peter Pan" chant started to get heat. Thing is, the heel that he's accusing to look like Peter Pan is a 40-something, skullet-owning three-toothed redneck.

Have these actually happened? If so, that is a REALLY shit show.

[PsychoDriver 0]

33. Your event is headlined by "Doink The Clown"

[Guest Dynamite Kido]

34. Your event claims that their next event is a TV taping......and you've never seen or heard of said show.

[Jingus 0]

#1- You have a battle royal on your show that includes one(1) but is not limited to the following personas: The Trailermaster (From Detroit, MI), a 4' tall Secruity Employee who is donning a pink shirt who refers to himself as a Pimp, Jason Gant.

 

#3- You run a show that is outdoors with no tarp or temporary roof to protect from rain or other weather obstacles included but not limited to: snow, sleet, hail, seagull shit.

 

#4- Someone on your show has wrestled and/or feuded* with Adam Windsor in Ocala, Florida.

 

#5- The entrances for your wrestlers are the Male (Babyfaces) and Female (Heels) Bathrooms, respectively. This can also include, but is not limited to: Two(2) seperate closets, the weight room of your venue, a hallway, or the outside parking lot.

 

#6- Your wrestling setup lacks any two(2) of the following:

A) Bottom Rope (Breaking the rope mid-show is excused from this list)

B) Ring Steps

C) An Apron

D) Canvas (Using carpet for your canvas will count against you)

 

#7- Your show happens to be in a Flea Market, and/or the price to watch the show is under $5.50.

 

#9- Wrestlers have gear that is less expensive than the cost of the ticket is to watch them.

 

#10- The opening match of your show includes any one(1) of the three(3) following: A man in a Chicken suit, A Hispanic under the name of American Wild Child, A man dressed as a Mummy.

 

#12- Your show features either of the following: A character based of a video game, A character based off a major motion picture.

 

#13- Your ring announcer makes any two(2) of the following mistakes:

C) He/She errors on the wrestlers' whereabouts, height, weight, and/or etc.

D) He/She is dressed in one(1) of the following: Jeans, Boots, Cowboy Hat, Pink Sequin jacket.

E) He/She is a worker who showed up not booked.

 

#14- One of your employed wrestlers shits his pants and/or vomits in or around the ring during your show.

 

#15- Fans chant "Boring" in at least three(3) of the matches on your show.

 

#17- Fans proceed to leave the show at Intermission (This includes before Intermission, but is also expanded to include, at the most, two(2) matches after intermission. This exception does not count when there are only two(2) matches left total on the show after the intermission.

 

#19- There are more workers in the back and/or more girlfriends in the crowd than the number of fans paid.

 

#23: A match on your card consists of one half of a former WWF Tag Team Champion.......and they were the weak link in the team.

 

25. Your main event heel/booker is wearing the facepaint for the clown gimmick he's doing in the opener, while wearing his usual ring gear as a heel while taking tickets at the front door.

 

26. Bootlegged WWF/E toys and shirts are sold at the gimmick tables by one of the workers' seven-year-old daughter.

 

28. A face challenges a heel to a match, the heel turns it down, and the ring announcer then grabs the mic to announce himself as the "Secret Commissioner" and orders the match to happen right then and there.

 

29. You have a guy doing a leprechaun gimmick...and he has both a Confederate flag tattoo on his bicep and the deepest Southern accent you've ever heard in your life.

 

30. You go to a show with a TLC match advertised...and they end up using one ladder, one table, a trash can, three plungers, and a stop sign.

 

Yep, at some point or another, I've worked on a show that has done all of the above, or something close enough to it. I've been on some shit shows in my time. Then again, I live and work in Tennessee, so I'm not really suprised.

 

Why do so many of the entries name a specific person? I've never heard of Jason Gant, Dale Williams, Marcus Dillon, Mister Saint Laurent, or almost any of the others listed here.

[Phoenix Fury Legdrop 0]

26. Bootlegged WWF/E toys and shirts are sold at the gimmick tables by one of the workers' seven-year-old daughter.

 

28. A face challenges a heel to a match, the heel turns it down, and the ring announcer then grabs the mic to announce himself as the "Secret Commissioner" and orders the match to happen right then and there.

 

29. You have a guy doing a leprechaun gimmick...and he has both a Confederate flag tattoo on his bicep and the deepest Southern accent you've ever heard in your life.

 

31. One of the faces gets so mad that everyone's not paying attention to his match that he leaves the ring mid-sequence, grabs the mic, and attempts to get a "Peter Pan" chant started to get heat. Thing is, the heel that he's accusing to look like Peter Pan is a 40-something, skullet-owning three-toothed redneck.

Have these actually happened? If so, that is a REALLY shit show.

Yep, October 2002 Intergalatic Wrestling Federation show in Crawfordsville, Indiana.

 

To add to #26, they were also selling Legion of Doom shirts that Dale Gagne's version of the AWA produced.

[Guest Markingout]

Why do so many of the entries name a specific person? I've never heard of Jason Gant, Dale Williams, Marcus Dillon, Mister Saint Laurent, or almost any of the others listed here.

 

These 4 all are Florida workers. KyleIPW and AODShirt, are fellow Florida fans. Down here in Florida, we have alot of shit. Some great stuff too though.

[r4g 0]

Yes we do, but it's always rewarding finding a diamond after digging through shit for what seems like ages.

 

 

The Daterape thing is a joke, btw. Total insider reference on display. Gotta try to look important every once in a while.

[Guest Man Of 1,004 Modes]

33. Your event is headlined by "Doink The Clown"

Forgot that one.

 

35. The Show's main event is a tag match consisting of Doink/The Patriot vs. Salvatore Sincere/Jimmy Dilton (fake name that someone probaby DOES use).

[UseTheSledgehammerUh 0]

#36. Tom Brandi wrestled a match...and then later on The Patriot wrestles a match! DEEP TALENT POOL.

[Rob E Dangerously 0]

29. You have a guy doing a leprechaun gimmick...and he has both a Confederate flag tattoo on his bicep and the deepest Southern accent you've ever heard in your life.

 

Well, World's Worst Wrestling just got a new gimmick.

 

Ha Ha.