Best drunken stories

[justsoyouknow 0]

Anyone have any good stories about nights of drinking? I've got quite a few tucked under my belt, but I'll start out with a couple easy ones.

 

Last summer I was at a party and there were some football players there that had graduated that year. I was still a junior, but I was friends with one of them, so I talked to him a little bit that night. These kids are all big roid-monkey motherfuckers who go out drinking every night and always brag about how much they can drink, because apparently they're beer historians. Long story short, I walk into the party with a 750 of 100 proof vodka and proceed to drink. My girlfriend is bitching because she doesn't have a chaser, so I walk inside and ask my friend if he has anything to chase the vodka with. He says I can chase it with his beer if I'll let him drink some of the vodka, so I agree. He takes a little baby sip and looks like he's about to puke, then hands it back to me. I began to guzzle the damn thing, then hand it off to the wife, who takes a little baby sip and hands it back to me. I hand it to another roid-monkey, who takes a baby sip and looks like he's about to puke, then he hands it off to yet another roid monkey. It turned out that me and three steroid-abusing, sloping forehead football players that brag about their drinking abilities get into a drinking contest. And I, being 6'2", 155 lbs, outdrank them all. I tipped the bottle back and was drinking from it, and some kid in the corner punches one of the jocks in the chest and starts screaming, "THAT'S HOW YOU FUCKING DO IT! IF YOU'RE GONNA FUCKING PARTY, YOU GOTTA FUCKING PARTY!" The football players were all shamed, and when the next year rolled around, I had a reputation around school for being able to drink jocks under the table. Go me.

 

Another good one was a few months ago. I was drinking at my friends house when we decided to go on the roof. I looked a couple houses over and I see they're having a party, with about five guys standing in a circle with smoke coming up every now and then. I yell out, "CHRONIC?!?!?", since I'd already drank a good deal, and one of them turns and yells for me to come over. I climb off the roof and walk through the alley and one of them lets me in through the back gate. Turns out that they went to school with my friend who graduated three years above me, so they were all friends. They asked me when I graduated, and I said that I hadn't yet, so then it was decided that I had to do a kegstand. I'd never done one before, but I was already drunk, so I figured what the fuck. I only went about 10 seconds, but as I was drinking, the guys were all like, "...this motherfucker can drink." After I went, another guy went that was a few years older and he only lasted three seconds.

 

Weak stories, I know, but I'm saving the good ones.

 

Share your best drinking stories, be they hilarious, badass, horrible, or downright frightening.

[Guest The Winter Of My Discontent]

One time I drank a 26 of whiskey in less than a half hour. I barfed all over myself. Some ill shit when on that night including a near drowning. I was hunched in a chair for the entire night completely unaware of the dire situation. I woke up, drank a Power Aid, and never felt better the next day. it was odd. Sucka.

[DCMaximo 0]

In February, I went to Prague with my old housemates from university because Prague is renowned for it's incredibly low drink prices. On the last night, we're in a club, when the rest of my group start drinking absinth, which I don't do, simply because I hate the taste of it. Four hours later, we all leave to go back the the hotel, when it's noticed that one of our group, called Brett, is considerably drunker than the rest of us, as it turns out that he's drunk 6 shots of absinth along with all the whiskey he'd consumed, which was quite a lot. In fact, he still had a glass of JD & coke in his hand as we left. Sadly, as he got progressively more drunk (the absinth kicking in), he became more violent, culminating in a vain attempt to kick my friend G, which instead took Brett off balance, sending him to the floor and smashing his drink, which caused him to cut himself horrifically on broken glass. The next 5 hours were chaos as:

 

-we end up carrying Brett home, as he's now almost passed out, hand still bleeding

-we have to ward off a Czech pickpocket who keeps reaching towards our pockets as we carry this drunken wreck home

-upon arrival at our hotel room, Brett pisses himself

-the bleeding gets so severe that we're forced to call for a taxi to take him to hospital

-the taxi driver turns up in the most unsightly old banger I've ever seen and almost refuses to take Brett, yelling at us in his native language (which none of us spoke)

-Brett remaining unconscious until the doctor treats his hand with iodine, which brings him back to life with a lot of swearing. The doctor tells us he wont give Brett treatment because "he is drunk and abusive"

-Me, his roommate being woken up by Brett FINALLY regaining consciousness and shuffling drunkly to the toilet, a trail of piss following along, as he's still not aware of what he is doing

 

Not the best end to a holiday

[PLAGIARISM! 0]

There was a period last year where I awoke to find piss either in my wastebin, in a drawer full of t shirts (And quite a high one, I have no idea how I positioned myself) or all over my bass rig. It's weird, cos the nights it happened I recall leaving the club, going to bed etc and so attribute it to alcohol assisted sleepwalking.

 

I'm especially proud of giving a pin badge that said 'FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCK' to Snooker legend John Virgo at about 4am in a hotel bar as well. Course, he was a lot more wasted than we were. He read the badge, absolutely pissed himself laughing, I gave it him, he muttered something about knowing the guy from Jethro Tull and we went to get a taxi. Kickass.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Woke up in the woods.

[Lil' Bitch 0]

Not my story, but a guy I used to know from high school told me once when he was still living in Sacremento, CA. He got drunk one night and when he woke up, he was in Reno. NV.

[Guest FrigidSoul]

I have one story that ends with an apartment complex burning down and me getting a concusion. Another story that ends with people pissing all over this girl, and last but not least my adventures into drinking oneself into a coma. Since I don't feel like typing them all out you be the judge and pick which one you want to hear most.

[1234-5678 0]

I want to hear about the apartment complex burning down.

 

As far as my best story goes........it was July 3rd of last year. That's the anniversary of Jim Morrison's death, and every year I try to get extra wasted on some Bushmill's Irish Whiskey to celebrate. There was a party at my friend's house, and of course said friend is one of those guys who is always pushing you to drink a little more, take another hit, etc. etc. while doing none of that himself. So, every so often he's pulling the old "You won't chug that whiskey, you're a pussy." Being the weak human being that I am, I of course had to prove him wrong.

 

So, after basically the entire 5th was gone, and after several beer bongs, it was time to go home, but not before falling into a wall in front of a few girls of course. After a dumbass move of jumping off his porch into a bush out front, I'm outta there. Me and my friend Chief went back to my house, he sat on the internet, and I laid on the couch upstairs. I then got the brilliant idea that I should watch my Doors movie DVD, but the DVD player in the living room was broken. So, I of course, decide to drive back over to my friend's house, even though they have told me not to. I sneak out the front way so Chief can't take my keys.

 

I start to drive up my alley, doing about 60 most likely, and of course, WHAM! I smash into a car parked at the top. My head crashes into the steering wheel, leaving me a concussed, drunken mess. I back up, and drive back down my street, and park the car like nothing ever happened. As I am getting out of the car to inspect the damage, a neighbor of mine that I used to hang out with comes down, and basically says "Jay, you've gotta come with me." Apparently it was his car I smashed into, and if it wasn't parked where it was, I would've went straight into the brick side of a building.

 

Anyways, I don't know what me walking up to his car had to do with anything. I'm in a daze, and all I know is I feel like an idiot, because I fucked that car up bad, and his parents are outside, along with other random neighbors. So, I start walking back down the alley, where the cops have gathered around my car. Chief was called outta the house, and he looks completely dumbfounded as I approach. This is where I rely on his version of the story, because obviously, I fucking forget.

 

Apparently, I walk down with my hands in my pockets, and whistling! I walk up to the cops, and go, "Man, what the hell happened here boys?" They of course, can figure out who I am by the spreading bruise on my forehead and the stink of whiskey in the air. They ask me if I smashed into the car, I respond "I don't know." I answer every one of their questions with "I don't know" to which one of the cops gets completely frustrated and goes "There's still fucking paint chips falling off your bumper!"

 

One of the cops asks me to go inside and get my dad, who they all knew because he used to be a firefighter. "Maybe he can tell us if the car has always looked like this." So, I of course, make like I am walking around to the front of the house, and take the fuck off, lol. I run down my street, make my way down to a creek and fall asleep in some bushes, most likely surrounded by rats and several species of bugs. I wake up and sneak in my house, fall asleep in my closet, which is just full of random weights btw. I wake up with a raging case of poison ivy on my legs, and a lesson learned. ALWAYS RUN FROM THE COPS!

 

Since I ran, they couldn't nail me for D.U.I. Actually, all I got was a moving violation, due to the cops being under the impression (that I gave them) that I was joining the army. They've been gunning for my since I never enlisted, but oh well.

 

On a side note, to this day, Chief swears up and down there was someone else in the car with me when I pulled back up after the accident. I know for a fact that there wasn't. But said gentleman was supposedly wearing a white t shirt and jeans. Sorta long hair and a beard. Now, I don't hang out with anyone fitting this description anyways, so I have just always gone with that story that it was Jim Morrison's ghost. Makes it more fun. We'll see what happens this July 3rd

[Murmuring Beast 0]

These are gold.

[Guest Vitamin X]

All these drinking stories remind me of why marijuana > alcohol...

[lomasmoney 0]

Let's see there was the time I drank like a 12 pack and took about 5 shots of smirinoff afterwards at this party. Then I go out and start talking to this girl I wanted to hook up with and things are going well. Until some kids from a rival school who were not invited because they are known to steal show up. I try to go out to the front to help get them off this kid's property and I take one step off the back porch and I fucking fall down and can't get up. I end up puking into a neighbors back yard and then I pass out on a picnic table. I wake up like 8 hours later and my friend who had moved me to the basement was telling me how people were fucking while i was passed out on the couch.

 

Another good one. Some friends were coming to visit me up at school. Before we went out I slammed and I mean slammed like 7 shots in like two minutes. I then went out and had a few beers. Then I get grazed by a moving car crossing the street. I then end up just passing out on some frat front lawn. My friends fucking leave me there and I have to call my other buddies who were walking back to their cars. They come and practically carry me across Ann Arbor to my dorm where I pass out after puking the whole way back.

 

The best story has to be from Central Michigan. I went up there to visit some friends. Anyway I slam 3/4th of a fifth and we proceed to this party. I am fine on the way there, but all I remember is having to go puke and busting in the bathroom while my friend Shelby is pissing. She is all like hold on hold on, let me finish. Anyway I puke all over this girls house and they kick me out. My friend's smartly pretend to not know my drunk ass and they discreetly have my other buddy who is totally sober take care of me. I ended up passing out under my friends' clothes while they had sex. I somehow moved to another room during the night and no one can figure it out.

[Guest Dids]

I was going to be really upset if Jaxl's story didn't involve Chief.

 

None of my drunk stories are that thrilling. I've got very, very drunk and have some good black spots, but didn't do anything entertainingly stupid in them.

[The Metal Maniac 0]

I remember one night in a bar, sitting down, drinking a rum and coke (the last of the many drinks I'd had that evening).

 

The next thing I remember is staggering around outside the bar asking my buddies why we left in such a hurry.

 

Evidently, that drink was the straw that broke the camel's back, and I blacked out. I honestly have no memory of what happened (I can remember walking outside the bar just fine, and even then I really had no idea why we had left) but according to my friends, the story goes a little something like this:

 

Having finally aquired enough liquid courage, I asked this chick if she wanted to dance. She agreed, and all was well until her boyfriend showed back up. This guy was also apparantly twice my size. He asks the obvious qustion: "What are you doing with my girl?"

 

I responded with an answer that must have seemed obvious at the time, though in retrospect, was not the wisest of things to have said.

 

"If she's YOUR girl, what's she doing with ME?"

 

Shortly thereafter, my friends removed me from the bar before I got my face pounded in. I think I kinda snapped back to remembering things after one of my friends threw me over a fence I had stopped to lean on. That jogged my mind I guess, so I can remember the rest of the night, which was mostly uneventful.

 

Except for when we got home. I was crashing at my buddy's place for the night, so I literally did just that. I walked in his basment door, took about 4 steps, and collapsed face-down on the carpeted floor. He went off to get some water, and I laid there.

 

Then I threw up.

 

Notice, I didn't say "I got up and threw up."

 

I just turned my head to the side and let fly. As I watched my vomit spread across the carpet, it occured to me that this was the single most disgusting thing I've ever done. Then, in another of those "it made sense when I was drunk" moments, I managed to stagger to my feet so I could go to the bathroom and clean up. However, I didn't want my friend to come along and step in the vomit on his carpet, so I removed my shirt and placed it next to the vomit, so as to mark the area.

 

He later informed me that when he came back downstairs, he was very careful to not step on my shirt...and planted his foot right into the pile of puke instead.

 

I don't drink so much anymore.

[Guest Astro]

So many stories, my favorite is last october where I ended up at some Dread lock wearing white guys house after bar with my buddy and his gf. We smoked is Ko'd roomate's marijauna, then I drunkenly popped a bunch of prescription pills I found in his medicene cabinet.

[Guest Astro]

Oh yeah then there this time my buddy and I double teamed a girl, we were all drunk, but he was making out with her, as i groped her from the back, She and him ended up in her bedroom, I passed out on the couch. (Ironically enough, the dread locked white guy stole that girl from my buddy)

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

Pretty much all of the gnomings were committed while drunk and stoned.

 

THere's alot of stories but they're not all good and I can't remember most of the good ones.

 

that's a sign of a good drinking story...you can't remember it but your friends can and whenever anyone alludes to it they all fall over laughing.

[Lord of The Curry 0]

Woke up in the woods.

You'd best elaborate on that one, tease.