Tales from the Crypt : The TV Show

[Guest Frank_Nabbit]

Here's a synopsis of some of my personal favorites:

 

1. A love triangle is formed between a lumberjack, his wife and a hot young lumberjack. The Husband comes home to the cabin, finds the 2 getting it on, and fights the young one, who somehow ends up blinded. The other lumberjacks in camp are pissed by this, so they take the husband and wife, gag them, put them in a hollow tree stump and guide the young lumberjack over and he chainsaws them in half, even though he doesn't know their there.

 

2. A man and his doctor friend develop a means to take the soul of a cat (Its 9 lives) and implant it into a human (details are fuzzy) The man then decides he can make some money by killing himself off, then resurecting....and he drowns himself, hangs himself etc etc...8 times, the 9th and final act is him being buried alive. Once he's under the ground he gets to thinking a realizes the cat died once, meaning the last life was already used up, and he was gonna die for real.

 

3. A traveling sales man stops at an old couples house, and figures out some how that they are rich, and they have a daughter who's HUGE and ugly. The man seduces the daughter anyway and convinces her to dig up her father's gold so they can run off together. When she unburies the loot, he wacks her with a shovel, and tries to take off, but her parents and her somehow capture him and they canibalize him, if i remember correctly.

 

4. A man is alone in the desert, his car broke down, he has limited supplies. A vulture swoops by him...looking for a human snack.... "Fuck off I'm not dead" The bird follows him place to place....everytime the guy says "Fuck off....I'm not dead" Finally the guy is climbing a rocky hill, slips and falls...ending up paralyzed....the vulture then pecks at him and starts eating....with him alive and helpless....

 

5. A mother and daughter are home alone on Xmas eve, a serial killer has escaped prison and targets the mother. The mother fights him off several times, and barricades her and the kid in the house. The psycho still tries getting in. While the mother is standing guard, the kid goes to a upstairs window and see's the killer dressed as Santa....so she let's Santa in.....Mama's fucked!

 

6. A funeral home director steals gold teeth, and is a cheap skate, his nephew comes to live there over the summer and they have issues, the nephew loves basketball is kinda tall....Anyway....during a fight the kid ends up falling down a flight of stairs and dying.... The uncle, tries putting the kid in a casket, but its too small, so the uncle cuts off the kids legs and buries him. The uncle is tormented by his nephew's spirit, who finally shows himself, legless and pissed off....

 

7. A man takes a potion thats supposed to attempt to keep the senses alive after death, or something like that. So he dies and goes through the body bag, meat locker, etc etc, trapped with only his thoughts.... As his partner is performing the autopsy, the victem is horrified to learn his sense of feel is still active, and his partner';s about to saw off his skull cap.....

 

8. Joe Pesci plays a guy who's pretending to be twins so he can go out with a pair of twins, each twin thinking Pesci is a twin as well, Pesci's ruse is discovered when his robe leaves a noticable tan line on his back, and the twins realize they've been duped. The Solution? Cut Pesci in half, and each twin gets half.

 

9. A stand up comedian is struggling, and his puppet side kick brash and insulting..... Don Rickles tries to give the comic some tips......he still bombs.....turns out the puppet is just a cover up for a deformed twin brother who is merely growing out of the comic's arm..... The guy finally snaps and slices his demeaning brother off..... The thing tries killing him....and ends up being ground up in a meat grinder.....

 

----What are yours?

[Placebo Effect 0]

I haven't watched many episodes of TFTC since I didn't have HBO during its heyday.

 

However, I remember FOX broadcasting the last epiosde they ever did of the show, an animated parody of the Three Little Pigs that I loved.

[HollywoodSpikeJenkins 0]

5. A mother and daughter are home alone on Xmas eve, a serial killer has escaped prison and targets the mother. The mother fights him off several times, and barricades her and the kid in the house. The psycho still tries getting in. While the mother is standing guard, the kid goes to a upstairs window and see's the killer dressed as Santa....so she let's Santa in.....Mama's fucked!

I remember that one. The mother killed her boyfriend or husband or something.

 

 

 

 

My favorite (a little sketchy) is that some teenagers go through a haunted house or something, as an initiation. Anyway, they find out that the hot girls that went in the house with them really live there, and end up eating the evil jock guy. The women then threw the guys arm out the window. Everyone thought it was a joke, but they saw the jocks ring and realized it was real. Freaky...

[Guest Nanks]

I saw one where these guys were starting shit in a bar and hassling the chicks so some weird guy told them there was a party at this old mansion. It turns out to be a massive bordello full of wicked hot vampires that are just killing everyone that comes in. Some other guy catches onto the whole thing and sets about bringing them down. Can't really remember greater detail, I just remember the vampires were really hot and there were lots of tits.

[Spaceman Spiff 0]

2. A man and his doctor friend develop a means to take the soul of a cat (Its 9 lives) and implant it into a human (details are fuzzy) The man then decides he can make some money by killing himself off, then resurecting....and he drowns himself, hangs himself etc etc...8 times, the 9th and final act is him being buried alive. Once he's under the ground he gets to thinking a realizes the cat died once, meaning the last life was already used up, and he was gonna die for real.

You're a bit off on your numbering. The 8th act is him being buried alive, thinking he has 1 more life left (8 + 1 = 9), not realizing that the death of the cat already used up life #1. So, instead of him using lives 1-8 with 1 to spare, he's used 2-9.

[JJMc 0]

The only thing I remember is this show used to come on before Shotgun Saturday Night, and sometimes they'd flipflop and I'd tape Tales. Used to PISS me off.

[LaParkaYourCar 0]

I loved the Joe Pesci episode. That one was good stuff.

[HollywoodSpikeJenkins 0]

I saw one where these guys were starting shit in a bar and hassling the chicks so some weird guy told them there was a party at this old mansion. It turns out to be a massive bordello full of wicked hot vampires that are just killing everyone that comes in. Some other guy catches onto the whole thing and sets about bringing them down. Can't really remember greater detail, I just remember the vampires were really hot and there were lots of tits.

That was the movie with Corey Feldman and Dennis Miller. Bordello of Blood, I belive it was called.

[Black Lushus 0]

Demon Knight was pretty fucking cool....

[Guest Razamatazathoth]

Concurance met; "Demon Knight" rocked.

 

It's been a long time since I've seen any episodes, but there were some good ones. The "nine lives" ep was great. I remember the one where this couple in the woods uncovered a youth serum (or something like that). When finally injested, they were attacked by their huge dog. Some days later, another couple came upon the site--and found a puppy. And some bones.

 

Man, that was some good show. Wish the had it on DVD.... or do they?

[HollywoodSpikeJenkins 0]

I think its on DVD, but only in Europe.

[Guest Staravenger]

1.  A love triangle is formed between a lumberjack, his wife and a hot young lumberjack.  The Husband comes home to the cabin, finds the 2 getting it on, and fights the young one, who somehow ends up blinded.  The other lumberjacks in camp are pissed by this, so they take the husband and wife, gag them, put them in a hollow tree stump and guide the young lumberjack over and he chainsaws them in half, even though he doesn't know their there.

 

4.  A man is alone in the desert, his car broke down, he has limited supplies.  A vulture swoops by him...looking for a human snack.... "Fuck off I'm not dead"  The bird follows him place to place....everytime the guy says "Fuck off....I'm not dead"  Finally the guy is climbing a rocky hill, slips and falls...ending up paralyzed....the vulture then pecks at him and starts eating....with him alive and helpless....

These two are on my favorites list, but I probably have others that I can't remember.

 

I so wanna see the Joe Pesci one now...maybe my local video store has it on one of the TFTC tapes.

[Guest Redhawk]

I remember one where a housewife cheats on her husband with the cable guy. The husband is this scientist who's office is downstairs, but he's cooped up in there so often that the wife and her lover will have sex while the hubby is in the house and he doesn't even know it. They get caught, though, and he ends up switching their heads and bodies (cable guy now has wife's body and vice versa).

 

The one with the "post-mortem potion" was really good. If I recall, the two doctors were brothers, and they had some other internal feud going on which added a lot to the episode.

[Jericholic82 0]

Concurance met; "Demon Knight" rocked.

 

It's been a long time since I've seen any episodes, but there were some good ones. The "nine lives" ep was great. I remember the one where this couple in the woods uncovered a youth serum (or something like that). When finally injested, they were attacked by their huge dog. Some days later, another couple came upon the site--and found a puppy. And some bones.

 

Man, that was some good show. Wish the had it on DVD.... or do they?

what happened is the wife gets mad, cuz her husband is not going to let her take the youth serum (he hates her and wants to leave her to die and will take the potion with his friends) they take the first part and she puts vodka into the mox before they take the 2nd part. they die and she take sthe real stuff and turns young, as she leaves the trailor, the dog attacks and kills her. those people find the puppy (he ate her so i guss he go turned young) chewing on a big (human) bone.

 

and the brothers feud , was that the younger one (played by the guy who was carl in the movie ghost) once played a practical joke on his older brother (played by beau bridges), his bro had a heart attack/stroke. so he was weak and had to walk with a cane and lost his practice and was now teaching young kids. he gave the bro the stuff, he thought he had died, then the old bro revealed it to be a joke when it wore off, they laugh, then the young guy has a heart attack, not before old bro gives him the stuff again. then the autopsy people come and start to drill his skull and it ends with a great line

 

"You were wrong, feeling isn't the first thing to go, it's the last AHHHHHHHHHH"

 

anyways this tv series is pretty cool, I used to get scared by it as a kid (and I was also very afraid of the crypt keeper for some reason-nightmares abound) especially by the episode with Morton Downey Jr(playing a fictional version of himself-named Horton) as the tv talk show host who goes live into an abandonded house thats supposedly haunted, a pyschic tells him not to go in but he does with his camera guy (some long-haired dude) then weird stuff starts to happen in the house (Its haunted because some old lady who lived there used to invite strangers into her home and kill them) the guys see weird stuff and ghosts, and the camera guy winds up dead hanging from a wall. the final scene sees horton in a bed room confronted by the crazy old lady weilding a chainsaw, the camera is dropped so they ee sounds, thinking he is acting. he tries to get away but falls thru the glass window and hangs himself on the way down. the tv people are shocked but the one lady who hated him secretly loves it.

 

after watching it on its first airing in 1990 I could not sleep all night ( i was 7 at the time people)

 

 

but this definately deserves the dvd treatment

 

 

btw the santa killer ep is a remake from the TFTC movies from the 70s

[Kismet 0]

TFTC is on right now on the American Movie Channel (AMC) 3am eastern. I haven't seen an episode in years, now after reading this thread it's on. Bonus for me.

[Guest Staravenger]

anyways this tv series is pretty cool, I used to get scared by it as a kid (and I was also very afraid of the crypt keeper for some reason-nightmares abound) especially by the episode with Morton Downey Jr(playing a fictional version of himself-named Horton) as the tv talk show host who goes live into an abandonded house thats supposedly haunted, a pyschic tells him not to go in but he does with his camera guy (some long-haired dude) then weird stuff starts to happen in the house (Its haunted because some old lady who lived there used to invite strangers into her home and kill them) the guys see weird stuff and ghosts, and the camera guy winds up dead hanging from a wall. the final scene sees horton in a bed room confronted by the crazy old lady weilding a chainsaw, the camera is dropped so they ee sounds, thinking he is acting. he tries to get away but falls thru the glass window and hangs himself on the way down. the tv people are shocked but the one lady who hated him secretly loves it.

 

after watching it on its first airing in 1990 I could not sleep all night ( i was 7 at the time people)

 

 

but this definately deserves the dvd treatment

 

 

btw the santa killer ep is a remake from the TFTC movies from the 70s

This was one of the last episodes I remember seeing when it originally aired...scared me shitless.

[strummer 0]

How about the one from 1990 with a very young Steve Buschemi. Roger Daltry is an old time War Photographer and Buschemi is taking his spot. So Daltry sends him into a village where a flesh eating virus has run rampant. Buschemi at first is fine but wakes up and his skin burns off and his eyeballs pop out. Then Buschemi's girlfriend gets a letter from him (Buschemi), so she too has the virus. Daltry returns to the states and bangs the girlfriend, then he gets the virus and they both die in bed together. The girlfriend had sex with him to give him the virus, as revenge for killing Buschemi.

 

Mimi Rogers killing Kathy Ireland for taking her modeling job. Rogers gets the job, as Miss Autopsy 1990.

 

Very early episode where a rock and roll promoter hears the voice of Sam Kinnison in his head. It drives him mad and he eventually kills himself. Katey Seagal from MWC has a pretty good cameo. She was wearing a really hot leather outfit and I was suprised how good she looked compared to the Peg Bundy character.

 

One where two guys play poker and each time they lose a hand, they cut off a finger, in the end they are still playing when all they have left is their heads.

 

The one where Whoopi Goldberg is an evil vodoo mistress. I can't remember the male lead, as it was someone remotely famous (lead is James Remar)

 

Anthony Michael Hall has his brain pulled through his nose by a mummy he was trying to dig up for money.

 

Steven Webber from Wings goes to a dinner party, where he is the main course for Cannibals/Zombies

 

Malcolm McDowell is a reluctant vampire who works at a blood bank and drinks all the blood while alone on the night shift. Ending scene is him killing George Wendt from Cheers. Probably the lamest episode I've seen in this series.

 

Demi Moore (Pre Boob Job) sleeps with a grotesque looking/morbidly obese Jeffrey Tambor for his money.

 

Trying to think of more

[Guest Staravenger]

Steven Webber from Wings goes to a dinner party, where he is the main course for Cannibals/Zombies

 

Malcolm McDowell is a reluctant vampire who works at a blood bank and drinks all the blood while alone on the night shift. Ending scene is him killing George Wendt from Cheers. Probably the lamest episode I've seen in this series.

Can you give me a little more info on the first one there? It sounds familiar, but I'm drawing a majority blank.

 

The vampire one was the first one I remember seeing. LAME. Didn't he drain people of blood to replace in the bank? More LAME.

[strummer 0]

Steven Webber from Wings goes to a dinner party, where he is the main course for Cannibals/Zombies

 

Malcolm McDowell is a reluctant vampire who works at a blood bank and drinks all the blood while alone on the night shift.  Ending scene is him killing George Wendt from Cheers.  Probably the lamest episode I've seen in this series.

Can you give me a little more info on the first one there? It sounds familiar, but I'm drawing a majority blank.

 

The vampire one was the first one I remember seeing. LAME. Didn't he drain people of blood to replace in the bank? More LAME.

"Morning Mess

 

Main Players: Steven Weber, Rita Wilson, Vincent Schiavelli Director: Manny Cotto

 

A serial killer is targeting the homeless, and it's up to an alcoholic reporter (Steven Weber) to uncover the ghoulish truth..."

 

 

I don't remember the part about him being a reporter nor do I remember Rita Wilson being in this. But they do eat him in the end, as they are ghouls. The site I got this from said Rita Wilson turned in a "very sexy performance". All I remember is them having Weber in the middle of a table with blood on their mouths from eating him.

[Guest Staravenger]

Oh yeah, I remember that one.

 

Another one I'm trying to remember has to do with a Mortician who ends up having his organs sucked out of him at the end. Thats all I can remember, but I think he also was responsible for one of the lead characters fathers deaths (gave him fucked up medicine for heart attacks or something).

[strummer 0]

Oh yeah, I remember that one.

 

Another one I'm trying to remember has to do with a Mortician who ends up having his organs sucked out of him at the end. Thats all I can remember, but I think he also was responsible for one of the lead characters fathers deaths (gave him fucked up medicine for heart attacks or something).

 

6. A funeral home director steals gold teeth, and is a cheap skate, his nephew comes to live there over the summer and they have issues, the nephew loves basketball is kinda tall....Anyway....during a fight the kid ends up falling down a flight of stairs and dying.... The uncle, tries putting the kid in a casket, but its too small, so the uncle cuts off the kids legs and buries him. The uncle is tormented by his nephew's spirit, who finally shows himself, legless and pissed off....

 

 

Is this the one you are trying to rememeber, Staravenger?

[Guest Staravenger]

I don't think thats the one, but it sounds good...except the kid being too tall to stuff in a casket.

 

Edit: The character in the one I'm thinking of also made out with a dead body he just emptied out.

[Guest Bitterness the Star]

I remember seeing one episode of this show - punkass Corey Feldman and his not-as-equally punkass buddy, after being approached by a strange man in a bar, opted to take whatever chance he gave them and drove up to his mansion.

 

There, they fall into a sexual underworld that cannot be escaped.

 

Was fun, at least. There was a pair of tits or several in there too.

[Guest Staravenger]

Feldman was in another I think, but I have a hard time remembering it. These three people come to some womens house looking for some guy to kill. They end up trying to kill her. Feldman almost gets some nasty, but gets killed. The women then kills some other guy by stabbing him in the eye with something.

 

We then find out the women is actually the man they were looking for, and I think she cooks one (or all) of them for dinner for "her" husband and dinner guests.

[Guest Bitterness the Star]

I can't really remember this one too well, but I didn't see the whole thing. I just remember Feldman, annoying little sister at home, hanging out in a bar with his buddies.

 

Someone must've dropped a card or something, because he and one of his friends drove up to the mansion and was greeted by what seemed a gentlemanly old fellow. They were, I believe, lured by a temptress into a backroom where they were both concealed in a coffin and sent for a ride through a passage into a great hall set-up where topless ladies were handing out drinks.

 

Oh yeah, I think his other friends and family were wondering where he was too.

 

Seemed an interesting show. If I actually had any idea as to when and where it was on I might make a habit of it.

[Guest Staravenger]

FACT: Corey Feldmans career was over by doing more than one appearence on Tales From The Crypt.

[Guest Bitterness the Star]

Him and the rest of his "I'm going to be an adult star" 80s wave.

[Guest Staravenger]

Tonight on E! True Hollywood Stories: Corey....whatshisname. The only movie of his I found entertaining was The Goonies. Maybe The Lost Boys, but that was a minor role for him.

[Guest Bitterness the Star]

I was just watching E! a couple of days ago when 101 Best Kept Hollywood Secrets was on, one of which was him and Corey Haim as the figureheads for an anti-marijuana campaign when the both of them were perhaps two of the biggest stoners in Hollywood at the time.

 

Sweet irony.

 

Don't forget, Corey was a veteran of the summer camp flick. Those are always fun.

[Guest Staravenger]

Let's not forget him getting off as an 8 year old in Friday The 13th: The Final (ha!) Chapter, watching people across the way of his house.

 

And that awesome movie with him and Corey Haim...uh....National Lampoons Something or Other...eh.

 

Wasn't he also in one of those horrible Meatballs sequels? (like V or VI)

 

The list of classics just goes on and on...