AndrewTS 0 Report post Posted September 29, 2004 Brian: You're back from Manila. You had lumpia for dinner. And you made love to two Filipino women...and a man. Quagmire: You mean three Filipino women... I mark for any Filipino references on TV, even though most of them are whore jokes. Well, most of them aren't too flattering. Supposedly Asians think of Filipinos as the Mexicans of that part of the world... Quagmire (when he's about to sleep with Trisha....): Alright! I never did it with a Spanish chick before! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest JMA Report post Posted September 29, 2004 Quagmire (when he's about to sleep with Trisha....): Alright! I never did it with a Spanish chick before! Oh-lay! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ced 0 Report post Posted September 29, 2004 Peter: "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to have sex with a bagel." Quagmire: "Butter's in the fridge." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest netslob Report post Posted September 29, 2004 Stewie: "Mother, as first lady of the American stage, Helen Hayes, once said: 'I'm going to kill you.'" Quagmire: "In bed by 8...home by 11. OH riiight!" Peter: "I feel so guilty about lying to Lois..." Quagmire: "I felt guilty once...but she woke up half-way through." Quagmire: "Lois, I would do everything to you..." Lois: "What?" Quagmire: "I would do anything for you." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LatinAssasin 0 Report post Posted September 29, 2004 Brian: You're back from Manila. You had lumpia for dinner. And you made love to two Filipino women...and a man. Quagmire: You mean three Filipino women... I mark for any Filipino references on TV, even though most of them are whore jokes. Well, most of them aren't too flattering. Supposedly Asians think of Filipinos as the Mexicans of that part of the world... Quagmire (when he's about to sleep with Trisha....): Alright! I never did it with a Spanish chick before! From what I hear, Asians dont like Filipinos because they've mixed with different races so they're not pure Asians. White folks dont like Mexicans because they come in and do their work for a lot cheaper. Focus: I forget who tells peter this. 'Why would they put you as President?' 'Probably because I can say all 50 states in a quarter of a second. (Loud Yelp)' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest MD2020 Report post Posted September 29, 2004 When Brian is doing coke and brings home his coked-up girlfriend (paraphrasing): Brian: Here baby, I'll show you the channel Lois doesn't know about. Lois: Chris! Meg! Stewie! Up to bed! Stewie: Hold on a minute, that man seems to have suffered a rather serious snakebite... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Salacious Crumb Report post Posted September 30, 2004 Stewie: There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore. Stewie: Ok, ok. I've got it, I've got it. If you cooked any more slowly, you wouldn't need an egg timer. You'd need an egg calender. Ah ha ha ha. Oh, that's right. I went there. Glen Quagmire: Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time. Peter: Hey, what are you doing here? Superman: I killed a hooker. She made a crack about me being faster than a speeding bullet so I ripped her in half like a phonebook. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Ill One 0 Report post Posted September 30, 2004 Eh, got bored- so here we go. Got a few. Stewie: Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside. Brian: Oh, please, Peter, your excuses are lamer than FDR's legs. Meg & Peter: *gasp* Brian: Too soon? [Quagmire sees a cheerleader tied up in a bathroom stall] Quagmire: Dear diary: Jackpot. Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute. Quagmire: Fifty bucks. Auctioner: She had nine STDs. Quagmire: Forty-five bucks. Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself. Quagmire: Fifty bucks Peter: Make like Siamese twins and split ... and then one of you die. Chris: So .. ah .. what are you wearing? Ha ha ha ha ha WOW! I bet you could see right through that. Lois: Chris, who are you talking to? Chris: Grandma. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
EricMM 0 Report post Posted September 30, 2004 Peter: Gee Brian, I don't think I'd like living with you if you were neutered... *Imagines Brian as a neuter* Brian: Mmmm you know I can't eat these chocolate cookies because they make me FAT. But they're SOOO GOOOD! (it's the voice) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JoeDirt 0 Report post Posted September 30, 2004 Peter as a child: Whoa! Not only are ghosts real, but their innards are made of children! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UseTheSledgehammerUh 0 Report post Posted September 30, 2004 "Is this really the blood of Christ?" "Why yes it is." "Man, that guy must have been wasted !" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Just John 0 Report post Posted September 30, 2004 Quagmire: You know, Lois, it's a little chilly out here. Why don't you put on this jacket? (Camera zooms out to reveal that one of the coat arms goes into Quagmire's fly) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
B. Brian Brunzell 0 Report post Posted October 1, 2004 Peter: Gee Brian, I don't think I'd like living with you if you were neutered... *Imagines Brian as a neuter* Brian: Mmmm you know I can't eat these chocolate cookies because they make me FAT. But they're SOOO GOOOD! (it's the voice) Mr. Putersmith: You know Brian, this is a lot like a greek tragedy. Of course you'll be playing the role of Sans testicles Chris: Dad, what would you say if I told that I didn't want to be a scout anymore? Peter: I'd say "Come again", then laugh because I said come. And my all-time two favourites: Peter: J-J-J-J-Just like the bad guy, in "Lethal Weapon 2", I've diplomatic immunity, so Hammer you can't sue. Peter (to Mr. Fargas): Now get back in there and teach your Fargin' ass off! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jebus 0 Report post Posted October 2, 2004 "Jesus loves me He loves me a bunch Because he puts Skippy In my lunch" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brett Favre 0 Report post Posted October 2, 2004 Paraphrasing: Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland are in jail, and some dude comes up to them all pissed, and he has a bad rep or something. (Haven't seen this episode in a while) The Guy that's a badass: You're dead, you're dead, you're all DEAD! Peter: Ah phew. He thinks we're zombies. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Boner Kawanger 0 Report post Posted October 2, 2004 (I'll fix it since it's one of my favorites, too) Joe: See that guy over there? He's the most dangerous criminal I ever put away! The criminal looks at his arm. Three or four cops are tattooed, and the only one without an X over him is Joe. Criminal: Well, well, well...Officer Swanson...you and your friends are all DEAD! You hear me?! DEAD! He walks away. Peter: Good. He thinks we're zombies. He'll leave us alone. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest netslob Report post Posted October 2, 2004 later that same episode: Peter: "Man, they weren't kidding about dropping the soap...that thing is slippery as hell, i couldn't hold on to it at all!" (*two other inmates pass the cell*) Inmate: "Hey, there's the guy who couldn't hold onto the soap!" (*both point and laugh*) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AmericanDragon 0 Report post Posted October 2, 2004 That wasn't the same episode. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest netslob Report post Posted October 3, 2004 it was in a prison, whatever, sorry i even brought it up. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jericholic82 0 Report post Posted October 10, 2004 During an ep where they are looking for a theme for the town parade. Cop in wheelchair (his name slips my mind right now) "Show me 'overcoming adversity' " camera cuts to quagmire "Show me 'Girls I gave the clap to' " of course "and the theme is....... "the episode of who's the boss where Tony sees Angela naked in the shower?" rod serling guy talks about them fighting over trophy missing like a twilight zone ep Peter: hey who is that guy? lets get him (gang runs over and beats up guy) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
B. Brian Brunzell 0 Report post Posted October 10, 2004 Peter: A degenerate? Well you are a leviso. See, I can make up words too. I can't recall exactly the word Peter made up. Peter: Lois, esoteric is not a food. Brian: Swing and a miss. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
