The Dream Thread

[Guest Shutterspeed]

This threads comes as a result of just having to share last night's after seeing Coffey's avatar again.

 

After some wheeling and dealing, I found an original NES console in front of me. It was black, but an NES console nevertheless. As soon as I got my hands on the controller (a red button on the left, small button in the middle requiring a pen to push and three long black bars to the right), I thought of Coffey's avatar. As soon as I was just about creaming in my pants at playing the old games again, we cut to...

 

... a long, blue, double-ended dildo. This dildo is a substitude for the conventional PlayStation 2 controller. This came as a result of recent playing of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas and being absolutely thrilled about the inclusion of a dildo in the weapons selection.

 

Boy, that dildo was my pride and joy. I showed it to everyone, even my grandmother. Thinking back, I can't really remember how you could play anything just with a firm grasp on the knob on each end with no buttons, but it was much better than any controller currently on the market.

 

Your turn.

[Guest Coffey]

Damn dude, that's deep....

[Special K 0]

The worst dreams are the dreams in which you are completely happy. 'struth. And I have those often. I'm talking dreams when you wake up to your wife, and go downstairs to find 20 chubby happy granchildren. I'm having those, and I'm 24.

 

P.S. has everyone stopped having sex dreams? I certainly have. Any sex dream I have ends up like the underwear in the high school dream.

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

My last dream involved me lighting up a cigarette, and then getting into a car crash, but I walked out and lit up another cigarette since mine was thrown out the window on impact. And then my friend Kim picked me up and we shared a bowl (and considering I don't toke and haven't seen Kim in forever, that makes no sense), and then she dropped me off at my house, and my parents and I started doing a dance number set to "New York, New York."

[Guest Shutterspeed]

I had a nightmare last night about the snake that Steve Irwin had on Conan.

[Ace309 0]

Mostly, I just dream about sitting in the Oval Office wearing my Olympic gold medal, smoking cigars and drinking scotch.

[Nighthawk 0]

I only dream about sex and killing. Unfortunately, I'm being completely honest.

[Use Your Illusion 0]

Last night, the world blamed me for the outcome of Australian Idol.

[Guest Shutterspeed]

Fat, unmarketable bitch.

 

Without the magazine articles leading up to the final, she still probably would've won, but everyone wouldn't've cared as much.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

I had the dream of the featureless concrete hallway again last night. It's black and white, grainy, and completely silent. Like watching the end of Pi with the sound turned off, only imagine it being me walking through this concrete hallway with no beginning, end, doors, pipes, light fixtures (though it's somehow illuminated in the quality I described). There's nothing in it. It's boring, but relaxing.

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

I only dream about sex and killing. Unfortunately, I'm being completely honest.

That's okay. Mine are usually filled with zombies, so the last zombie-free one was a rarity.

[godthedog 0]

i dreamed a couple nights ago that i went to someone's house where there was a hot woman who thought she was a cat. she started making out with me. then my phone rang and woke me up.

[The Czech Republic 0]

I had a dream that some chick was in a hospital bed and kept getting injections from a nurse. Every time she got one, the 1920s Homestar Runner music played and she shit herself.

[Art Sandusky 0]

I can't even have sex in my dreams. It was that time of the month for her, dammit.

[BX 0]

I had a dream the other night where one of the managers at the theater where I worked asked me if I wanted to throw in some money for a prostitute.

 

Which is odd, because the manager in question is the gayest guy I know, and we're not exactly buddies because of my lack of respect for company policy. That dude is so anal about policy... heh.

[Guest subliminal_animal]

Let's see which one of you idiots makes up the worst dream that tries to be be funny. So far Corey_Lazarus is winning, but the first part had too much of his deep rebel cryptic meaning for me to not laugh at.

[Guest subliminal_animal]

Czech Republic probably had a good shot at winning, but the way he wrote his post helped me skip it.

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

Let's see which one of you idiots makes up the worst dream that tries to be be funny. So far Corey_Lazarus is winning, but the first part had too much of his deep rebel cryptic meaning for me to not laugh at.

Yes, because dreams never make no sense whatsoever, right?

 

And I've been having dance numbers in my dreams since I was, like, 5.

[Guest subliminal_animal]

You faked that retarded story and you know it.

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

Nope, that dream happened.

 

As for another dream...here's what I told my buddy Jay today about it about 20 minutes after having it:

AndrewCrow26 (6:02:18 PM): Dude

IamKingofGonzo (6:02:20 PM): Dude

AndrewCrow26 (6:02:22 PM): I just had an uber-weird dream

IamKingofGonzo (6:02:27 PM): Oh yeah?

AndrewCrow26 (6:02:29 PM): Yeah

AndrewCrow26 (6:03:02 PM): Like, I'm working not at Bob's, but at some seedy BJ's-style store with a tattoo parlor and a 24-hour diner next to it, and my manager from Bob's, Fred, is my manager there, too

AndrewCrow26 (6:03:59 PM): And me and you ended up hanging out at some new apartment building, and each apartment had its own cubicle for a garage somewhere, and you rented the place but didn't have a car, so I parked in there

AndrewCrow26 (6:04:43 PM): I end up walking around the neighborhood because I hear that there's a lot of people from Franklin that I haven't seen in forever living around here now, and I run into these kids that are still in high school, but they're hanging out with a few kids I know from work for some reason

AndrewCrow26 (6:06:00 PM): So then I hang out with them and almost get into a fight with this group of generic-looking punks, but we become friends because I make a series of bad jokes that are too terrible to laugh at, and we have this clubhouse on top of the wholesale place I work, and we all go in there to hang out (me, the high school kids, the co-workers, and the punks)

AndrewCrow26 (6:06:23 PM): Then I get back to your apartment, and you've COVERED my car in stickers, and not just bumper stickers

AndrewCrow26 (6:06:56 PM): There's one of Jason Voorhees and another of Gambit that I like, and one that says "I Brake For Pizza, Bitch" on it that I decide to keep, so I call my dad and ask him if he can come over and help me peel 'em off

AndrewCrow26 (6:07:30 PM): So then I go back to work (I guess I was on a very long lunch break) and hang out with the high school kids some more, flirt with one of 'em, and start making out with her while the rest wander around the store...but then power goes out

AndrewCrow26 (6:08:06 PM): So I'm called down to go to the circuitbreaker and reset the whole store, but the phones and paging still works, and I get paged up front just as I reset the store, and my dad's there

AndrewCrow26 (6:08:37 PM): So I get off work and we go back to your apartment, and there's somehow less bumper stickers, and that confuses me, but we look all over them, seeing which ones I'd actually like to keep on there

AndrewCrow26 (6:09:32 PM): But before we can start peeling, his cell phone rings (?!) and it's my mom and she needs him to get a bowl of sugar (I dunno), so he rushes out and doesn't help me, and so I get in my car to follow him, maybe to have him help me in the parking lot at the store

AndrewCrow26 (6:10:10 PM): But then he yells at me to go back and wait for him, so I turn around and end up driving PAST your apartment and onto an old bridge that nobody uses to get to your street, because it's been close to condemned, and half of the floor drops out and into a river below

AndrewCrow26 (6:11:09 PM): So I speed past the bridge onto an OLD street, and bang a U'ey at 35 mph, causing me to almost turn over and my door to fly open and my foot to hit the ground and my shoe to tear in half (but no damage to my feet), and I'm mad about that, so I drive back to your apartment, and just as I closed my door, I woke up

[Guest Shutterspeed]

Last night's was one of those that leave an impression in the form of a headache when you wake up. I was at school camp, or something, and finally decided to join everyone else. And when I did, fun was throwing cool charcoal into the fire.

 

After that, I was in my hometown, horny as hell and went into a local store. I was moving as steadily quick on the middle-aged woman clerk as possible. In the end, I was pretty much asking for her to fuck me. She went out the back of the store when somehow I knew that she was sharpening machetes and doing other things with big pieces of meat. I was torn between the sex and getting out of there (being the first to do so of many in that situation). I figured that if I got the sex, maybe I could still get away, like a vampire that would bite your neck post-sex. I attribute this to the vampire film that I watched yesterday.

 

I had the sex and ended up in the car home, but couldn't control it somehow. I managed to pull it over to the side of the road, began thinking of Incandenza and then woke up.