Oldie but goodie.....

[therealworldschampion 0]

http://www.sportsgoons.com/Vol2_Iss34/Mich...erience.com.htm

 

 

"Michael Vick Experience” Lets Fans Live the Thrills of Passing for 148 Yards and 0 TD's

 

 

Disney Group announced the creation of a new exhilarating theme park ride called “The Michael Vick Experience”, which lets fans of the National Football League experience the adrenaline rush of passing for 148 Yards and 0 touchdowns as the Atlanta Falcons’ quarterback.

 

The interactive ride, the first of its kind, places you in

a simulated NFL game environment. Carried

throughout a playing field on a mechanical chair attached to a ceiling, you wow fans with highlight-reel three-yard-runs and underutilize your strong arm by dumping the ball off to fullbacks coming out of the backfield.

 

 

“The Michael Vick Experience” will first be offered at the Disneyland® Resort in California, and at Disneyworld® in Florida.

 

“If you’re a football fan, you’ve probably wondered what it’s like to play in the NFL as an over-hyped quarterback with a career passing rating of 76.8. Well, we’re now giving you a chance to do just that,” said Michael Eisner, Chief Executive of Disney Group.

 

 

“From taking off and running instead of checking down to a second or third receiver to completing barely more than 50% of your passes to throwing for less than 150 yards per game, this ride shows off each one of Michael Vick’s seemingly incomparable skills. If you’ve ever wondered why analysts mistakenly call him one of the top 3 quarterbacks in the league, get your hand stamped and buckle up.”

 

 

The ride, which costs just $10 (fully day Michael Vick Experience pass costs $60), lets you pick any game on the Falcons 2004 schedule.

 

Show off your electrifying running skills by rushing for 10 yards as you squeak by the San Francisco 49ers, or light it up through the air as you pass for 115 yards and get sacked six times in a shitty win against the God-awful Arizona Cardinals.

 

 

“Holy fucking shit, that was incredible!” said Tim Gaston, seconds after not leading the Falcons to a 27-10 win over the Carolina Panthers. “We put up almost 30 points, and I did absolutely nothing except complete 10 measly passes. The best part of the ride had to be watching Tamp Bay Buccaneers castoff running back Warrick Dunn solidify his role as the team leader by rushing for yet another touchdown. That’s a feeling you just can’t get by watching the game on TV or even going to it. It’s like I was really there, not making a difference. That’s one wild ride. ”

 

“Whoa! That was insane!” said Derek Conner, who paid $40 to play in each one of the Falcons’ games this year. I can’t believe I just passed for two touchdowns in four games! God, that’s awesome. And the part where all the fans around me gasped for breath and screamed in fright each time I dropped back to pass was incredible! The only way this ride could get any better is if I could fumble two or three times and break a fibula next week against the Lions. I can’t wait to come back!”

 

 

The ride, which became an instant attraction overnight, has fans waiting two or three hours in line to play Michael Vick.

 

“It’s by far our most popular ride in both our parks,” said Eisner.

“Michael Vick is one of the best athletes in the world. How he can pass for an equal number of touchdowns and interceptions is beyond me. I mean, he’s so good it’s almost mind-boggling. I go on the ride myself six or seven times a day just to get a feel for what it’s like to fail to recognize a blitz and rush for a gain of - 3 instead of throwing it away. Space Mountain is great, but continuously falling short of expectations is pretty fun too.”

 

Six Flags America, which had wanted “The Michael Vick Experience” put in its own theme parks, couldn’t afford the costs associated with licensing the ride. Instead, they’re going with a similar, more cost effective solution.

 

“We’re also interested in giving the fan the experience of being a barely mediocre quarterback, so we’ve teamed up with the Baltimore Ravens to offer our visitors “The Kyle Boller Experience”, said Gene Downing, President of Six Flags America. “You can throw for less than 100 yards in a game, routinely make horrible decisions, and generally just look completely inept out there—all for $5. “It’s a great ride, but I wouldn’t go on it right after eating. Boller’s scrambling ability will make you want to puke.”

[Guest Smues]

Damnit why'd you have to post that while I was in class? Was hard to restrain my laughter while the professor is lecturing.

[Damaramu 0]

Oh my god....that was one of the funniest things I've read.

 

Do they have a game where you play against a top linebacker and the announcers scream "That LB is the best athlete in the NFL not named Michael Vick!" I hate it when they say that about somebody.....

[Guest Smues]

For an added 3$ you can join the TSM chatroom during the games where whenever the opposing QB runs past the line of scrimage he is named "(first half of QB's name)vick"

[Damaramu 0]

Or run 5 yards and juke a LB like any competent running back should be able to and hear the announcers cream there pants?

[Guest Kid Kablam]

Can you also lead a mediocre team, with an overhyped coaching staff, to an 11-5 record and spank Brett Favre's ass at Lambeau? That sounds like a fun ride.

[Guest Smues]

Can you also lead a mediocre team, with an overhyped coaching staff, to an 11-5 record and spank Brett Favre's ass at Lambeau? That sounds like a fun ride.

9-7

 

Unless you're combining the 2002 and the 2004 teams, in which case nevermind.

[Guest sek69]

I'm saving my cash for the Ray Lewis Experience where you stand there and make one tackle a game while everyone calls you the Greatest LB Who Ever Played.

[Guest Smues]

I'm saving my cash for the Ray Lewis Experience where you stand there and make one tackle a game while everyone calls you the Greatest LB Who Ever Played.

Does it include a trip to the courtroom?

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

What the fans really want is the Rae Carruth Experience where you hide in the trunk of a car for several hours.

[Guest Smues]

Surprisingly "The Moises Alou Experience" was shut down by sanitation officials.

[2GOLD 0]

Am I the only one tired of hearing about "Vick won at Lambeau!"?

Cause so did Culpepper and I don't hear people preparing the "Dante Culpepper Experience".

 

Vick won one game and he has been riding that horse the whole time.

[MarvinisaLunatic 0]

Six Flags America, which had wanted “The Michael Vick Experience” put in its own theme parks, couldn’t afford the costs associated with licensing the ride. Instead, they’re going with a similar, more cost effective solution.

 

“We’re also interested in giving the fan the experience of being a barely mediocre quarterback, so we’ve teamed up with the Baltimore Ravens to offer our visitors “The Kyle Boller Experience”, said Gene Downing, President of Six Flags America. “You can throw for less than 100 yards in a game, routinely make horrible decisions, and generally just look completely inept out there—all for $5. “It’s a great ride, but I wouldn’t go on it right after eating. Boller’s scrambling ability will make you want to puke.”

 

They could replace the Mind Eraser with it.

[DerangedHermit 0]

Surprisingly "The Moises Alou Experience" was shut down by sanitation officials.

Whoopsie, wrong bodily function.

[the max 0]

Also included on the Moises Alou Experience was coming home after a hard day of practice to find Steve Stone fucking your wife while pouring sugar in your gas tank and criticizing your lack of hustle on live television.

[Guest Kid Kablam]

Can you also lead a mediocre team, with an overhyped coaching staff, to an 11-5 record and spank Brett Favre's ass at Lambeau?  That sounds like a fun ride.

9-7

 

Unless you're combining the 2002 and the 2004 teams, in which case nevermind.

Um.... no...... I believe their record is 11-5.

[Guest Salacious Crumb]

Am I the only one tired of hearing about "Vick won at Lambeau!"?

Cause so did Culpepper and I don't hear people preparing the "Dante Culpepper Experience".

 

Vick won one game and he has been riding that horse the whole time.

We're going to hear about that the rest of his career no matter what he does.

 

How about the Eli Manning experience where you just get the shit beat out of you by linebackers.

[Guest Kid Kablam]

Am I the only one tired of hearing about "Vick won at Lambeau!"?

Cause so did Culpepper and I don't hear people preparing the "Dante Culpepper Experience".

 

Vick won one game and he has been riding that horse the whole time.

That was just one example. I'd like to point out that Vick has yet to play his 3rd season, and the 3rd season is generally the put up or shut up year. True, Vick has not put up flashy numbers, and has put up suprisingly mediocre numbers, but he wins games. Also I'd like to point out that the supposed coaching prodigy Jim Mora has grossly misused Vick. Mora wants a greater reliance on the play action pass, but he hasn't allowed Vick to get a handle on the pro passing game. Many times he'll run Warrick Dunn up the middle on first and second down, which forces Vick into a 3-10 passing situation. Not good for someone who has poor accuracy. Has Vick fulfilled his potential? No. Are we talking Ryan Leaf here? No. I agree that he's been over hyped, but he's also been mis educated. I think that once he gets through this tough spot in his career he will have a tremendous upside.

[Vern Gagne 0]

I want the Herman Edwards experience. From you're lectures to the media, to your arguments with assistant coaches. Experience what it's like to nearly pop a blood vessel in forhead, during the NYJ/SD playoff game.

[Ripper 0]

I get so tired of all the Vick bashing.

 

He fucking wins. At teh end of the day, you can bitch all you want to about Michael Vick and he is this and he is that and blah blah blah. But he fucking WINS. That is what is important. I don't care if you have a perfect passing rating, if you lose everygame who the hell cares.

 

I will take Vick and his completion percentage and his passer ratings and his WINS over some schmuck that passes for 400 yards a game and loses. Why do we keep hearing about vick against Green bay? He was the first to do it, thats why. I mean, through all the bullshit, Peyton Manning has 2 more career playoff victories than Vick. He has a incredible record as a starter( and I KNOW you aren't trying to say it was his DEFENSE that did it the 9-7 year...and they took) and that is what the NFL comes down to. Wins.

 

Stop and think about it, his "tough time" in the basically 2nd year of his career(barely played as a rookie and he missed last year), the team is 11-5 (11-4 with him starting, and 11-3 if you don't count the Seattle game where he only played 2 series). anyone want to name someone else that can say that as their 2nd real season?

[Black Lushus 0]

the real question is...was that a TD against Carolina or not?

[sfaJack 0]

Also included on the Moises Alou Experience was coming home after a hard day of practice to find Steve Stone fucking your wife while pouring sugar in your gas tank and criticizing your lack of hustle on live television.

Gold!

 

I want the Buddy Ryan experience. What better way to release your aggressions than punching a Kevin Gilbride mannequin?

[EVIL~! alkeiper 0]

Michael Vick rushed for 902 yards this season. I think to criticize him based on his passing statistics undervalues him as an overall quarterback.

[nl5xsk1 0]

One of my problems with his 902 rushing yards, al, is how many of those should have been passing yards? Running the ball when he could be passing it isn't necessarily a good thing.

 

His QB skills are basically limited to passing to the middle of the field or to running the ball ... to be considered a great quarterback, I think that he needs to learn to check down to his 2 or 3 receiver, instead of just looking for one WR or Alge, and then running for his life.

[Black Lushus 0]

isn't that how his offense is setup though? to capitalize on his speed and agility?

[Ripper 0]

One of my problems with his 902 rushing yards, al, is how many of those should have been passing yards?  Running the ball when he could be passing it isn't necessarily a good thing.

 

His QB skills are basically limited to passing to the middle of the field or to running the ball ... to be considered a great quarterback, I think that he needs to learn to check down to his 2 or 3 receiver, instead of just looking for one WR or Alge, and then running for his life.

Well, having watched every falcon game this year, I can say there is something that Alge and brian finnerman do that the other falcons recivers dont. GET THE FUCK OPEN. I swear, they have some of the more pussy ass, "I am not going to run the route anymore because I guy covered me" ass recievers in the world(well...mostly Jenkins and Pearless Price, but that is why the only recievers he throws to is Finnerman and White occasionally)

 

The recievers in Atlanta then were just used as decoys to get Crumpler open, or to run screens out of the back field. They run a west coast offense. he isn't going to have have huge passing numbers. They are quick strikes that set up one or two big plays in the game. And guess what? 11-5 says IT WORKS. Hell Matt Shaub is a pocket QB and was in the same system for two weeks and you saw who the only guys were that caught the ball(well...guy) Brian Finnerman. Its hard to check down to your other recievers when they bullshit around out there. And he in case no one noticed, Justin Griffen and Warrick Dunn have some great numbers as his check down man.

 

On top of that, i have never seen Vick run too early. He evades. The difference between him and other QBs is that when they evade, they are still looking up field, while if Vick sees another guy coming, he is GONE. And he does it BECAUSE HE CAN. Trust me. If Payton Manning ran a 4.3 and got flushed from the pocket and another guy coming at him, he would take off too. but you ain't gonna pull that running a 5.4.

 

I am just looking forward to Vick in the probowl game. Vick with recievers...should be something to see.

[kkktookmybabyaway 0]

 

You're going to watch the Pro-Bowl...

 

[Ripper 0]

 

You're going to watch the Pro-Bowl...

 

first time for everything.

[kkktookmybabyaway 0]

OK, here's a Vick-related question that I heard on one of those NFL shows. Would you rather have Vick for a shortened career, but he does he madman-run-out-of-the-pocket routine, or would you rather have him stay in the pocket and curb his running while getting a few extra playing years?

 

I'd take the former -- go with what got you there...

[Guest Salacious Crumb]

Michael Vick rushed for 902 yards this season. I think to criticize him based on his passing statistics undervalues him as an overall quarterback.

So? He only scored 3 TDs with those 902 rushing yards as well. Plus he lost 266 yards due to sacks. And also fumbled 16 times and lost 7 of those. That's hardly impressive.