FEEDBACK 4 THE 2/3 show

[Hoff 0]

I know I haven't finished feedbacking AP yet, but Frig called me...a name...in the other thread and so I have to do this.

 

Rodez's pre-show segment was interesting. I was actually very worried that KC was leaving; now that that's seemingly not the case, I'm very interested in where this goes. I'm a little hesitant to get into this because it's got a slight Russo vibe to it, to be honest, BUT...KC's a competent writer and the Rodez character has been developed well, so let's call it cautiously optimistic.

 

The opening segment came off really well. NYU, Adam, and I co-wrote it and I had my worries, but it worked. So props to them. Let's overlook the Bill Watts "is he in the arena or not" snafoo.

 

I like that CoD showed a little arrogance in the aftermath of their title win.

 

Pretty brutal HH/FS match and, if this makes sense, the brutality was enhanced by the COARSE language used. I liked it. I'm not always a fan of cursing on our show, but this worked great.

 

Josie's introduction as HeldDOWN GM was handled well.

 

Okay, I'm at the library and they're about to shut me down, so I'm breaking this into two posts. If post two never appears you'll know what happened.

[Hoff 0]

Part deux...

 

Black T is PISSED~! I like the reactions of the former and current tag champs after the PPV. You guys rock.

 

P.R. shows some anger in a well-written promo. I like how the normally cocky, humorous PR started using words like "doody head" when he got mad. Nice touch.

 

Part three forthcoming. Stupid library...

[Hoff 0]

- Standard GPX match which is meant as high praise, if you feel me. Lots of cool spots. The docs are slowly winning me over.

 

I *liked* the Calvin/Dude promo (I thought it was That 70's Guy?), and I'm excited about the feud, but it felt a little out of left field, to be honest. I know Cal needs someone to feud with, but why Dude? Still, storng promo pimping the changes in Szechstein.

 

PR/"Time's Up" served it's purpose. Good advancement of the Panther/Puerto Rican storyline. I'm not sure if I'm happy about the LC's return or not, though. I liked the idea of just PR, with Popick as manager. We'll see where it goes.

 

CATTY Zack/Crystal/Axel promo. Axel and Crystal might not be built to last, sad to say.

 

I'm glad to see J. Arthur back. The W&H guys were addressed, as was father in a BIG way. Good promo.

 

Okay, I've officially been given a two-minute warning from the library (OMG SAMOAN ASSAULT~!), so this is it for now, part four (4!) later tonight, hopefully.

[CanadianChick 0]

CATTY Zack/Crystal/Axel promo.

 

That's what teenage girls do best.

[Guest Failed Mascot]

I *liked* the Calvin/Dude promo (I thought it was That 70's Guy?), and I'm excited about the feud, but it felt a little out of left field, to be honest.  I know Cal needs someone to feud with, but why Dude?  Still, storng promo pimping the changes in Szechstein.

Nope. It specifically says Dude in the character specs thread. That 70s Guy was Mike Awesome. The 70s Dude is a mixture of that gimmik with Mick Foley's Dude Love gimmik.

 

Hoff doesn't think I'm good enough to play with the other kids...he just wants me to sit in a corner eating worms so he can laugh at me

 

Calvin finds that all the money in the world can't fill the void in his life that wrestling does and goes and tells off somebody that's just come off the streets that clearly doesn't respect the bussiness or anybody else. I think its a situation that works.

 

Not to mention its looking like nobody else out there was free for a program, so I got lucky enough to work with the former champ.

 

I've already done the writing out whole storylines on my own thing and at the end it was pretty boring. I came back to see if I not only could co-write with others and make something me and the other person enjoy, but something everybody else could enjoy too. I'm hoping that at the end of all this me and Cal are able to do this...I know I'm very optamistic on the whole situation.

[Hoff 0]

Part four.

 

The DoC promo -- and how odd is it having CoD and DoC -- but it was good, I liked it, I got it. It seeemed odd that Devin and Phenom were suddenly much more articulate, but I'll let it slide for good writing's sake. I liked the altercation with Black T to a point, but having physical contact is more likely to initiate a feud, and having the manager take Dan Black out is kind of degrading to black. And of course, NEVER use people's characters without asking. That's not okay.

 

The Hoff/Axel segment was the best thing ever, you don't have to say it.

 

Zack, I gotta say, I'm a fan of linking to the song/video, but having that whole page come up was kind of annoying. If there was a way to use personal webspace somehow, that might be better, though I'm aware there's some limitations. Anyway, very nice touch. Great match, great TV match moreover, in that it didn't have to be a thirty minute marathon to be high in action and well built. Nice touch with Axel, and it played on the earlier tension. Very nice finish, and I *really* liked the "count from the fans." Well played.

 

The LATER Cal/Dude segment did a LOT for me as far as clarification. I was hoping I could get that out earlier, but Frig got his undies in a twist. Booooooo. But yeah, I liked it. I like the Dude's violent streak.

 

Zack's new shirt is cool! GREAT tag match, and great use of not just commentary but well-timed commentary, that enhanced the match while seeming in the flow of the match. It's something I value, pride myself on doing well, and look for in other people's work. The action was great, a little slower than AP I felt, but very smart, sound, logical, and well-done. I love that "Chimera Suplex Sequence," BTW. Great match with a great finish, possibly spurring some tension in TOE, as well as between CoD and the GPX. I look forward to where both of those situations go.

 

So yeah, very good show, some big new developments and a lot of good action.

[Guest Failed Mascot]

I liked the altercation with Black T to a point, but having physical contact is more likely to initiate a feud, and having the manager take Dan Black out is kind of degrading to black. And of course, NEVER use people's characters without asking. That's not okay.

I actually think that part should be editted out if it hasn't already. Its just not cool using another person's character with no permission or anything. It also takes away from the later work of the person who made the character and you have to put the creator first.

 

Phenom might be a great person overall, but thus far I'm not getting a good impression. Throwing a fit about people using a masked jobber cause you "killed" him and then using somebody else's character without permission just aint kosher. I hope that ya got Max's approval for use of his character in your stable.

 

When I first started way back when I used LaParkaYourCar's character "The Blurricane". Thing was LaParka wasn't around due to school so I got permission from 3 seperate OAOAST mods to use the character and also PMed Parka with the storyline details for when he came back.

 

You gotta be considerate.

 

The LATER Cal/Dude segment did a LOT for me as far as clarification.  I was hoping I could get that out earlier, but Frig got his undies in a twist.  Booooooo.  But yeah, I liked it.  I like the Dude's violent streak.

Its all your fault. You should have gotten it all out earlier. You don't have to appologise this time, but don't let it happen again.

[The Amazing Rando 0]

Part four.

 

The DoC promo -- and how odd is it having CoD and DoC -- but it was good, I liked it, I got it.  It seeemed odd that Devin and Phenom were suddenly much more articulate, but I'll let it slide for good writing's sake.

 

For a point, Devin is quite articulate. As a person he is smart and destructive, as shown in the promo I did after the show.

[Hoff 0]

That was actually more geared toward the Phenom, who just seemed kind of bellowy before this. Geddon didn't seem much of a talker at all. It's just a radical shift, on the whole. It's perfectly acceptable if it stays this way, though. If Phenom or Geddon revert back to bellowing later, THEN we'll have an issue.

[Patty O'Green 0]

Patty has made me a C.O.D. mark. I have to say that I'm sure the WWE wishes they had a tag team that could perform like these two fictional girls. The promos are great, the characters are great, and they're very athletic as well. If these two actually existed and were in a promotion on TV then I would certainly make it a point to tune in and try to catch them each week. Great wrestling and masturbation fodder all in one!

 

Why thank you!

[NYU 0]

Frig is good at bullying people to do feedback. This is going to be one of my ultra-short off-the-top-of-my-head feedbacks, so here we go.

 

OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD:

 

Liked the interaction between Calvin Szechstein and The 70s Guy. Frigid's been hyping up his opponent to me for weeks now, but wouldn't tell me who it actually was. It wasn't until he slipped up on Wednesday night that I figured out for sure it was Calvin. Either way, I liked the stuff here. I've wanted to see Calvin make his return for a while now, and helping boost the credibility of someone like 70s Guy is a good way to do it. Breaking the disco ball over Calvin's head was a good idea, and it should become the 70s Guy symbol or something. Frig's always been great when it comes up to the strangely hilarious plans, and I'm sure Calvin will have no problems keeping up with him. Good stuff.

 

Good to see Ken's bringing one of his characters back to the show. Ken's a cool guy, and I'm sure writing stuff with Josie should be fun, so.....yeah.

 

The stuff with Tha Puerto Rican and Panther continued to build my interest in their feud. Like I said in the AnglePalooza thread, I think both these guys could plan an intriguing angle with each other.

 

Hell's Hitmen vs. FrankenSteiners was good, if not only for typing out the lyrics to "Hit Me Baby One More Time" in huge, red letters. The match itself was good too. What else can I say?

 

J. Arthur Edwards is tha coolest~! Showed them suits who's boss, he did~!

 

Felt the beginning interview with myself, Hoff, and Adam came off strong. The segment later on with Hoff and Axel served a good purpose in showing that the two are now solidified together -- at least for the time being.

 

While I'm at it, cute segment between Zack and Crystal, with Axel interrupting at the end. I liked some of the barbs exchanged between the two. "Bitch, you can't get your muzzle fitted here" is a line I see myself using sometime. I'm sure it will properly flatter the ladies.

 

The stuff with Phenom was definitely decent. When it comes to your writing though, you do need to flesh it out a little more. I'm not saying to do it to the extent of some others around here, but some more description is needed to really make the segments effective. Entrance description is one. It's a chore to write, but it does make your stuff look better. Have Phenom or Devin interact with the crowd as they walk to the ring. At this point, are they fan favorites? Are they heels? You should at least give us a hint by showing us their reaction to the crowd. And I don't really know WHY these guys are aligning together. If you're forming a major stable like this, there needs to be a motive. And obviously, attacking other people's characters without their permission isn't cool, but I'm sure you've heard enough of that already. Phenom, you've definitely shown an improvement since your first day writing here, but if you improve some of the stuff I keep telling you to work on, your writing really will look a lot better.

 

Really good TV match between Zack and Crystal. Lots of fast action in this one, with an ending that continues to add INTRIGUE~! between Crystal and Axel. For all the time crunching Zack continues to do, he managed to find the time to write an entertaining match, so props for that.

 

EXCELLENT Main Event between Black T and Chicks Over Dicks. The Zack Malibu and Jim Ross commentary was pure gold. This match just had an epic feel to it, with Chicks Over Dicks continuing to play those scrappy underdogs that you absolutely can't help but cheer for. They continue to be hilariously fun during their interview segments, and they can just carry it out in the ring. Some of the sequences in this match were off the chart. I mean, from the near-fall following Dan Black's flying headbutt, it was all just non-stop thrilling action. The nearfalls were believable, Zack's cheating added some real tension to it, and the interference with GPX was handled so nicely at the end. It took Zack out of the match, but didn't take the important win away from CoD. I know Tony sometimes says he feels inferior in writing when compared to myself, Zack, Hoff, Papa, etc., but that opinion is just silly when he could churn out an excellent match like this. Great, great stuff.

 

If I forgot anyone, I apologize ahead of time, but I think I did well anyway for not looking back to the show once while I type. Good stuff this week everyone.

[Guest Failed Mascot]

I told you to just do it while you take a shit since you have a laptop.

[Zack Malibu 0]

Time crunching sucks because I'd like to be able to leave detailed feedback, and I give props to all of you that manage to do it. Truth be told, I'm flattered you all liked the Zack/Crystal match, because I wrote in an hour. Seriously. I just had a story thought out for building to the finish and winged it otherwise. Glad I did us both justice.

[Guest Failed Mascot]

I'd like to see everybody start to give a little detailed feedback unless their schedule is just so killer that they hardly find the time to sleep *points at Zack subtley*.

 

I'm going to start giving detailed feedback to everybody that gave some in the previous week on stuff I had a hand in. So if you did detailed feedback in this thread about the Calvin and 70s Dude stuff then expect feedback for this week's show. I figure it gives people a week to get some feedback in and hopefully it gets others that normally don't comment at all to start doing so.

 

Whether it be good or bad I'll take the feedback. I do this cause I have fun with it but at the same time I like to see if I can have a hand in entertaining people. I don't know if I'm doing that part unless people say so.

 

But basically thus far Tony, Patty, NYU, and THE H00F~ can expect detailed feedback from me on the stuff they do in this up-coming show.