The World's Funniest Joke

[KK Rage 0]

When is it time to go to bed at Michael Jackson's house?

 

When the big hand is touching the little hand.

 

What wine is served at Michael Jackson's house?

 

"Oh, come on, don't tell your mommy!"

[KK Rage 0]

A distingushed PC black gentleman is riding a plane with his son. The captain comes on the intercom.

 

"This is your pilot speaking. Terrorists have hijacked the plane and said they will crash it unless two Americans commit suicide. If anybody would like to be honorable please volunteer now."

 

Nobody voulnteers.

 

"OK, since we are in America, we will have to do this democratic. I'm going to follow the alphabet. Will any African Americans please come to the cockpit at this time?"

 

The man slides down and his son looks inquisitively.

 

"OK, will any blacks come to the cockpit at this time?"

 

The man slides down more. His son nudges him.

 

"OK, will any colored people come to the cockpit at this time?"

 

The son finally breaks the silence and says to his father, "Dad, we are African American, black, colored people, however you want to put it. Why haven't we gone to the cockpit?"

 

The father replies, "Son, we're niggers, and that will always come after mexicans."

[Guest Frank_Nabbit]

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book the other was typing away on his typewriter.

 

The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.

 

Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

[Gert T 0]

What are the three things you can't give a black guy:

 

1. A black eye

 

2. A fat lip

 

3. A Job

[Darth Vader 0]

Why do chicks have boobs?

 

So we have something to look at when they talk to us.

[Special K 0]

This is by far the most reprehensible joke I've ever heard:

 

 

Q:Why do all n*****s have nightmares?

 

A:We killed the only one with a dream.

 

 

Yeah, I heard that one in Texas.

[nl5xsk1 0]

What's funnier than a dead baby?

A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.

 

That's the only one that's even remotely funny so far.

[The Czech Republic 0]

Why do chicks have boobs?

 

So we have something to look at when they talk to us.

High-five, bro!

[Cowboy Battlenuts 0]

You hopped on a skateboard and did a totally bodacious ollie after you said that, didn't you?

[k thx 0]

Why is Michal Jackson like caviar.

 

They both come on little crackers.

[Just John 0]

A man walks into a swanky bar and says to the bartender "You know, I bet I could sleep with any woman in here." And the bartender says "Oh yeah, what makes you say that?" The man replies "Because I'm a rapist."

 

Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?

Because any Mexican that can run, jump, or swim is in the US.

 

How many Freuds does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to hold the penis... I mean ladder.

[Special K 0]

Two drunks are sitting at a bar.

One of them feels ill, and runs to the bathroom. He emerges a few seconds later with an unmistakably vomit-stained shirt.

"Oh, man, not again." he moans. "My wife is going to kill me!"

"C'mere." his friend slurs, and hands his friend a $20. "just say some other guy got way too drunk, puked on you, and gave you $20 to take it to the cleaners." The other guy perks right up! This is a great idea.

 

He arrives home and his wife greats him. "Good God, you smell terrible and there's a puke stain on your shirt! You drank way too much again, didn't you."

"No honey!" Her husband protests. He repeats the story his friend told him and hands her the money.

"Why is there $40?" she asks, puzzled.

"Oh yeah!" says the man, "he crapped in my pants, too!"

[muzz 0]

Why wouldn't Jesus eat M&Ms?

 

They'd fall through his hands, and he doesn't believe in the Three Second Rule.

 

I've heard almost the same joke, except it's, "Why can't Jesus drive a stick?"

[Hogan Made Wrestling 0]

This one is pretty much restricted to Canadians:

 

You are in a room with Osama Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, and Brian Mulroney. You've also got a gun, but only two bullets. What do you do?

 

A: You shoot Mulroney twice just to be sure.

[Guest Frank_Nabbit]

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ........ A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

[Special K 0]

Why did the blonde go to church?

 

 

She heard there was a guy there hung like this. *hold out arms*

[Epic Reine 0]

Why did black people die in the Vietnam War?

 

Because whenever the general yelled "GET DOWN!" they started dancing.

[Jericholic82 0]

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ........ A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

that is awesome!

[Art Sandusky 0]

Ya know, I haven't laughed at a joke-joke like the ones in this thread (setup into punchline) since I was 10. I feel like I'm missing out.

[Guest ShamRock]

Why doesn't a black man wanna take an aspirin?

 

He doesn't wanna pick through the cotton.

[EVIL~! alkeiper 0]

"How many Vietnam veterans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"

 

"I don't know."

 

"Of course you wouldn't know because you weren't THERE."