Kane's New "Biography"

[Chazz 0]

Did anyone pick up a copy of The New Kane "Biography", "Journey Into Darkness"? I actually heard some say It was pretty good for what It Is, but I hesitate to part with my money knowing It was probably written by a current member of The Creative Team. Anyone else read It or at least glance over It? Thanks!

[Mystery Eskimo 0]

There were a load of extracts in a thread here somewhere, if you search a little.

 

It was pretty awful.

[Enigma 0]

Despite the fact the book's listed author is Michael Chiapetta, the book was written by former creative team member Dan Madigan who also wrote the screenplay for Kane's movie "See No Evil". Madigan was released in late-2004 for not asking Stephanie McMahon permission for time off work to attend the funeral of his father-in-law. Madigan was also disliked for his lame ideas. Here are some of them.

 

-- During his feud with The Undertaker, Booker T. was to become obsessed with voodoo and the payoff of the angle would be Booker undergoing a forced exorcism by Taker.

 

-- Heidenreich was to be a Nazi that was cryogenically frozen in 1939 and had just been thawed out.

 

That should give you some idea as to the quality of his book.

[Guest Coffey]

That idea for Heidenreich is better than what he's doing right now. I mean, think about it. If that idea happened, yeah, it would suck...but MNM would still have the tag team titles and WWE would most likely be Animal free.

[fisticuffs 0]

-- Heidenreich was to be a Nazi that was cryogenically frozen in 1939 and had just been thawed out.

 

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

That would have been a good angle in the 80's.

[Dobbs 3K 0]

Yeah, that angle wouldn't have gotten any complaints, seeing how well Muhammed Hassan went over...

[Guest Coffey]

Everything anyone does is going to offend someone.

[Guest JMA]

I wonder if Nazi Heidenreich would've joined JBL.

[Lil' Bitch 0]

Madigan was released in late-2004 for not asking Stephanie McMahon permission for time off work to attend the funeral of his father-in-law.

 

I know the guy had shitty ideas, but still that's fucking lame.

[KTID 0]

Is there no such thing as mods these days? It seems that every little thing, no matter how small, has at least 3 different threads devoted to it. Eg. Kane biography/Warrior DVD/HBK being a prick. Can't we contain all discussion of a subject to a single thread?

[RepoMan 0]

Everything anyone does is going to offend someone.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I suspose, but a Nazi would offend a lot of pepole, but I don't recall WWE ever doing anything anti-Semetic yet, so they might as well get it out of their systemes.

[SuperJerk 0]

Is there no such thing as mods these days?  It seems that every little thing, no matter how small, has at least 3 different threads devoted to it.  Eg. Kane biography/Warrior DVD/HBK being a prick.  Can't we contain all discussion of a subject to a single thread?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

OMG PLZ BAN~!!!!!111

[ChrisMWaters 0]

From the WrestleCrap Forums, here are cliff notes! Not mentioned is how Katie Vick's favorite wrestler was "Superstar" Billy Graham.

 

Well this book started out very nicely in my opinion, and looked to be doing a great job of explaining all of Kane's past in a nice little package. But after about 2/3 of the way through, it totally turned to **** and in the end we really didn't have much of anything explained. But anyway, here is the Cliff Notes -

 

- Kane (born Glen Jacob Calloway) was born with a disease that caused him to feel no pain. Because of this, his father didn't allow him to play sports. Kane was not close at all with his older brother Mark. Paul Grimm was a creepy guy who worked in the Calloway parents funeral home, and Glen would often catch Grimm alone "working" with his mother. He didn't understand what was really going on, being only 7. Glen's mother, maiden name Rebecca Kane, always was upset about her side of the family - the Kane family curse. Over the years all of her ancestors died tragically, traced back to a Puritan-age witch. Glen was mocked in school, because of this family curse (they lived in the small town of Marfa, Texas, so it was known in the community). Also Glen had two different colored eyes, which was rather freaky.

 

- One night the funeral home goes up in flames. Everybody except Glen is dead. The police find a bunch of Mexican bodies in the morgue for some reason. They decided that one of the bodies down there was probably the body of Mark. The front door was left open, so they are sure it was arson. Paul Grimm is nowhere to be found.

 

- Glen is horribly burned and has a bunch of skin graft operations done to heal himself. He is cursed with nightmares starting at this point, for pretty much the rest of his life.

 

- Kane finally comes out of the coma and is not so horribly disfigured, but his skin is discolored where the grafting was done. It heals over the years. One injury that stays though, is a lingering vocal chords problem.

 

- In the hosptial, Kane is assigned a social worker, Melissa Vick. She can't really get Glen to open up, so she brings in her daughter that is Glen's age, Katie. Katie and Glen hit it off well and Melissa has apparently broken through. But then, Melissa's husband, a police officer, dies in a car accident. Melissa and Katie move away, and Glen is again upset.

 

- Glen's finally given foster parents, a guy who owns a dude ranch, and his wife. The wife doesn't like Glen. The foster father has a bad accident and the mother is left to take care of Glen, but she beats him when she is drunk. Finally, one night she tries to kill Glen, but the foster father comes to MAKE THE SAVE! She accidently shoots him, then kills herself. Glen's vocal chord injuries are aggravated. Glen blames his family curse on these two deaths.

 

- Glen is in and out of foster homes and eventually just goes out on his own, as his then-parents are too inept to even realize he is gone. So Glen is on his own at age 14. The High School principal, amazed at Glen's size, wants him to play school sports, but Glen isn't interested. The prinicpal investigates Glen's strange home life and discovers he lives on his own. But just in time, the Vicks move into town, and Glen has a space on their couch for a bit. Eventually he is adopted by a retired police officer, one who was actually on the case of the Calloway Funeral Parlor arson.

 

- Glen and Katie are great friends, but Glen is too afraid to pursue her b/c of the curse. Throughought High school, she is incredibly popular while he is an outcast, albiet one that nobody is too stupid to mess wiith. After a senior tries to fight him, glen decides to hit the gym and then has huge muscles to go along with his towering height. In senior year he finally decides to play football, and is Mr. Popularity. He and Katie become even closer. Finally, Glen tells Katie about how he's scared to hurt her because of the curse, and how it killed her father. Katie is very upset by this and they don't talk for months. They make up just before graduation though, and at least share a kiss. Then Katie Vick dies in the car crash. NO MENTION AT ALL of "semen", so one of the big selling points of the book, "did you force her to have sex with you while she was still alive or did you wait until she was dead?" is a moot point. Never explained. The town also thinks that Glen died in the accident.

 

- Later, Glen, now going by Kane, resurfaces at a warehouse somewhere as a bum. He winds up beating the **** out of some thieves and is offered a security job. After doing that for a year, one night he happens to watch wrestling and sees The Undertaker, who does not recognize, on TV. But he DOES recognize Paul Grimm, now apparently going by the name Paul Bearer. This is supposed to be in like 1996.

 

- At the same time it's revealed that Bearer basically raised Mark in Texas, and they broke into the wrestling business together when Bearer realized what Mark was physically capable of. They worked for the Von Erichs, and eventually went to the WWE, where Bearer made a ton of money off of the Undertaker. But, as the years went by, the Undertaker became more and more independant, and Bearer needed an insurance policy. And then, Kane shows up on his doorstep.

 

- Glen is shocked that Bearer is alive and blames him for the parents death, since the fire was known to be arson and Bearer had disapeared. Bearer blames it on Taker. Kane wants revenge. Bearer says he's not ready yet, and sends him to Spain to learn how to fight.

 

- When Glen returns Bearer begins drugging him. It's also revealed here thatthe dead mexicans in the basement were all Bearer's medical experiments. Bearer actually confronts Taker with the fact that Kane is still alive before he does it on TV. Bearer locks Kane in the basement for days at a time and sends local tough guys after him for training. One of these guys is a young Gene Snitsky, who is able to reaggrivate the vocal chords injury. This is why Kane used a voicebox early in his career.

 

- Kane debuts and it's more or less what we saw on TV. Kane is heaviily drugged but there is no mention of the great explanation that WWE used for Kane when he was unmasked and looked fine - that he was basically F'd in the head and believed himself that he was scarred. They then go into why the Undertaker and Kane teamed up - because Kane discovers that not only was Bearer drugging him, but that Bearer had fabricated most of the "kane family curse" from old news stories - the stories were all true, but none of the people involved were really Kane's ancestors. Kane is furious, thinking how different his life, the Undertaker's life, and his parents life would have turned out if Bearer hadn't come up with this stupid curse lie.

 

- The book ends with an explanation for the whole Ministry of Darkness angle - Bearer was able to also drug the Undertaker.

[Team Angle Pusher 0]

Doesn't even sound that bad but they should have written Kane fucking dead Katie Vick in full detail.

[MillenniumMan831 0]

I can't believe they wrote in Snitsky. Kane's training sessions sound like the Hart family dungeon.

[Guest slmon]

"- The book ends with an explanation for the whole Ministry of Darkness angle - Bearer was able to also drug the Undertaker. "

 

Looks like this is going to be a series of books or at least have a second volume. If it were done well, I wouldn't mind reading it to see how they explain the unnecessarily complicated life of this character.

[EdwardKnoxII 0]

Bearer locks Kane in the basement for days at a time and sends local tough guys after him for training. One of these guys is a young Gene Snitsky, who is able to reaggrivate the vocal chords injury. This is why Kane used a voicebox early in his career.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

And then when Snitsky finds out about Kane's vocal chords and what he did he yells IT WASN'T MY FAULT.

[Gary Floyd 0]

Reading the descriptions of this, this book sounds like a must, only for the fact that it's supposed to be serious. For what it is, it looks like a laugh riot.

[Boner Kawanger 0]

I would say drugging would explain a lot of WWE angles in 1999.

[The Mandarin 0]

Oh, that Snitsky.

 

And so wait, Paul Bearer killed a bunch of Mexicans? That makes absolutely no sense.

[Boner Kawanger 0]

He was drugged at the time.

[10 Pounds 0]

See ? All of the complaining about Undertaker killing Paul Bearer at the Great American Bash last year......the bastard DESERVED IT !

 

Does anyone knows if during his absence from TV, Kane goes on a promotion tour for this book ?

[CanadianChick 0]

Why would Kane go to Spain to learn to fight? Because it rhymes with his name?

[ChrisMWaters 0]

Why would Kane go to Spain to learn to fight? Because it rhymes with his name?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Well, Glen Jacobs WAS born in Spain....

[Guest JMA]

Why would Kane go to Spain to learn to fight? Because it rhymes with his name?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Maybe to explain where he got his mask?

 

[Smartly Pretty 0]

Everything anyone does is going to offend someone.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I suspose, but a Nazi would offend a lot of pepole, but I don't recall WWE ever doing anything anti-Semetic yet, so they might as well get it out of their systemes.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

If it offended anybody, it would be totally ridiculous. I would laugh at the angle, and I'm Jewish.

[Guest Fook]

Kane, who feels no pain, went to Spain to train.

[Gary Floyd 0]

I would say drugging would explain a lot of WWE angles in 1999.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

As well as '02.

[Toxxic 0]

The whole 'body dismorphic disorder' explanation for Kane not actually being scarred would work a whole lot better if they hadn't put that shit makeup on him under the mask and JR hadn't tried to sell it as scarring when it first came off. They should have just have him look totally normal. The 'mask wig' was a nice touch, apart from the fact that when his mask had been stolen previously (once by Taker at once by the nWo that I know of) he still had all his long hair.

[DerangedHermit 0]

I would say drugging would explain a lot of WWE angles in 1999.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

As well as '02.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

As well as 2001, 2003, 2004, 2005, 1996 and before.