BX 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2006 I'd like to see an armless man go on Wheel of Fortune. Just to see him spin the wheel with his mouth, and stand there brooding while everyone claps as the wheel is spinning. Or perhaps he could clap with his knees. Or just toss his body back and forth, a la Ray Charles. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slayer 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2006 Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It is very dangerous to wave to people you don't know, because what if they don't have a hand? They'll think you're cocky. "Look what I got, motherfucker.... this thing is useful.... I'm gonna go pick something up." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ted the Poster 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2006 I saw this girl once, and she was born without arms. I spoke with her parents, and they said she doesn't know the meaning of the word "can't". Poor girl; not only can she not wear bracelets, but she cannot embrace a simple contraction. Just take out some letters, put a comma in there, and move it up! Edit: Done to follow the rules. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slayer 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2006 Mine was relative to the topic, dink Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Czech Republic 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2006 Nothing saves what's already a rickety premise like a tired Mitch Hedberg line! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Czech Republic 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2006 What do you call it when somebody edits a post that has already been responded to, which renders the response pointless? Retrofucking? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Star Ocean 3 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2006 *drops pants to take a shit in a public stall* Man next to me: "How's it going?" Me: "...." Me: "Fine, I suppose" Man next to me: "I'll call you right back, the guy next to me is talking to me in the bathroom." Me: "....." *finishes up as if nothing happened and runs out* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Czech Republic 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2006 Now that's how you save a thread. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Failed Bridge 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2006 I'd support a tax hike if they used it to supply public bathrooms with two-ply toiletpaper. I mean we're not cave people. I know I'm not the only one who has found themselves in a public restroom with only a bit of toiletpaper left. One ply is not enough to do the last resort anus swirl, you gotta have two. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Amazing Rando 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2006 I saw Last Resort Anus Swirl in concert. They were a bit preachy. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BX 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2006 Goddamnit, what have you fuckers done to my thread? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Star Ocean 3 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2006 A friend and I were visiting another friend of ours who had moved away his sophomore year of high school. This visit was during his schools graduation weekend, so Saturday evening we planned to hit a few different graduation parties. To kill some time before that, we decided to watch The Fugitive. This was 12 or so years ago, and The Fugitive was a pretty big movie at the time. For those who haven't seen it, or don't remember, it is important to note that "the one-armed man" was a central figure in the film, and had more or less entered into the public consciousness at this point. So anyway, we get done with the movie and the three of us head over to the first party. It wasn't much of a party, mostly old folks sitting around chatting and a handful of kids playing over in one corner of the room. Since I didn't know anyone at all, I exchanged some quick pleasantries with the adults, and then made my way over to the kids corner. As soon as I sat down, a young kid, probably 6 or 7, came running over to me. He had a toy gun in one hand, and his other arm he had pulled into his shirt, so the sleeve was hanging empty. Having just watched The Fugitive, I decided it would be funny to loudly exclaim, "Oh no! It's the one-armed man!" There were several gasps, and then the room went completely silent. Silent except for the young boy who was now crying. Oops, guess he didn't just have his arm pulled into his shirt afterall! If looks could kill, I would be a very dead man at this point. I jumped up and stammered out a half-assed explanation and tried to apologize. Fortunately my friend decided this was a good time to leave, so he quickly said his goodbyes, grabbed me by the arm and pulled my ass out of the house. Come to find out, the kid had lost his arm to a landmine in Cambodia, and had recently been adopted. Go me! I still feel horrible about it to this day. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Amazing Rando 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2006 Personally, I'd rather see a No Armed person on The Price Is Right, Press Your Luck, or Pictionary Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mole 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2006 I'd like to see Carnival be funny. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BX 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2006 One time I was about to sneeze, but I was all "hell no yo!" and I surpressed it, and as soon as I did, my left ball started aching immensely, and didn't ease aching for a week and a half. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hoff 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2006 I'd like to see Carnival be funny. People, glass houses, stones, you know the line. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mole 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2006 I'd like to see Carnival be funny. People, glass houses, stones, you know the line. * Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hoff 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2006 Ooooooooh, I done got told! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Failed Bridge 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2006 This board needs Sandy to keep Mole in check. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Czech Republic 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2006 2 User(s) are reading this topic (0 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users) 2 Members: The Czech Republic, Sandman9000 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Carnival 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2006 I'd like to see Carnival be funny. That makes 2 of us. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stahl 0 Report post Posted January 12, 2006 *finishes up as if nothing happened and runs out* Did you wash your hands? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nl5xsk1 0 Report post Posted January 12, 2006 RE: the one armed man on the Wheel of Fortune. Methinks he'd use his foot, not his mouth. Sorry to be a buzzkill, but I just wanted to hopefully save you from some disappointment if/when you finally had your wish fulfilled with such an appearance on the show. RE: being born with no arms. I was in college, picking up a girl that lived in the dorms for a date. At CSU you needed an ID to get the doors to the dorms, and as I wasn't a dorm-resident I had no idea. I called her room, she said 'come on up' and didn't recognize that I was ID-less. So, I just knocked on the door until someone let me in the main entrance. The person that let me in was a full-on hippy (long dreadlocks, nappy beard, Phish tour shirt, the whole shebang) ... and this hippy had no arms, but two of those Terminator-esque metal arms & claws. He was quite obviously stoned when he let me in. One of my biggest regrets in life is not asking him to get high with me. Watching an armless kid light a joint/bong/bowl/whatever would have made my life more complete. I told my friend that's missing a hand that story, she was struck with equal amounts of pity (for me) and admiration (for the kid, for being an armless stoner). Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mole 0 Report post Posted January 12, 2006 Ooooooooh, I done got told! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slayer 0 Report post Posted January 12, 2006 Ooooooooh, I done got told! Hey, you want a minus one star there?! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hoff 0 Report post Posted January 12, 2006 Heavens, no. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Vitamin X Report post Posted January 13, 2006 -* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BX 0 Report post Posted January 13, 2006 You people are ignoring me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nl5xsk1 0 Report post Posted January 13, 2006 I didn't. I dropped a slice of reality and then segued to a story that was equally as no-sold as your original post. Misery loves company. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
