Storm Comments for 3/14

[Ace309 0]

The showing rate was abysmal. Of a possible 10 showing slots, we had four matches written (I'm assuming both Stephens and Dangerous wrote). That's a 40% rate, with two double no-shows, and I'm not at all pleased.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

I know that Johnny was "planning" to write, but I have no idea whether or not he turned anything in.

 

Sorry that we let you down, Tom.

[HollywoodSpikeJenkins 0]

What the hell is the matter with you people? Start writing.

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

Comments and junk (And stuffff!)

 

Clark's Promo

Decent little promo to set things up with things. Yes.

 

I demand a HOLT to explain the missing matches. Hell, I'll write one up myself. "Oh man, MANSON destroyed everything! ALL HAIL MANSONOSITY!" lolz

 

House of Marvelous

Grr, Toxx hates people! Rar! This was super good stuff, and it was all, like yay and stuff. However, I'm mad that Domo Kun didn't get any interview time, but that's Toxx for ya, always hogging screen time. Jerk-face.

 

Wildchild vs. JJ Johnson

Lolz, King and Mak are old people. Surprised King didn't mention anything about WC's choice of music, with the damned flibbity-floo, can't understand those raps and whatnot. Man, I was hoping JJ had a busted lip so we could see if he goes all Bruce Lee, "Oh, you just fucked up, man. You made me bleed a little bit. I will now destroy you." Wait, that's what WC does, lollerz. I really liked this match and things. However, and I don't know how fast JJ is, but it seemed like he was able to run up and catch WC off-guard a bit too much for the not coked-up Baha Man (Who did not let any dogs out). Then again, I probably just misread the stuff and junk. Good match, and WC kicks the face-parts of many peoples, as per usual.

 

Landon and Gabe Promo

Watch out, Landon, Gabe is gonna, uh, do stuff! All up in your heezy, man! Because I don't care about repetition, I'll say "Good promo" again. Good promo.

 

Gabe and Megan Promo

I skipped that little Maddix thing because it's all short and stuff. Yeah. Anyway, aiee, Gabe did do stuff! To Megasaurus, oh noesssss. Is this gonna be like the old Neilsen/Outcast thing? Anyone else remember that? Other than Muzz, and Z, and anyone else that read 25 Stupiderest Fed Moments thread, that is.

 

Michael Stephens vs. Johnny Dangerous

Another awesomeasaurus match and whatnot. Slightest feeling of it being squashy, but not really. Then again, this was a match involving a mad Mike (lolz), so ol' Barracuda's lucky his vertebrae are intact, lalz. Also: Barracuda Crab? Come on, now. That doesn't fit at all. Pick one sea critter or the other. Johnny Crab or Barracuda Leglock, lolz. Also, don't know what I was saying about the squash thing, since, I mean, JD does whack Toxxy a fair number of times. Also, I need to check the stats thread, because I don't know half of Toxx's moves. OR MAYBE HE JUST NEEDS TO DESCRIPT BETTER! Also, I said also too much. So, was Mike just keeping the pepper spray in his pants for two years just in case, or does he use it to add some zip to his food? Silly Wildchild, don't you know you have to shout "YOU!" when you're about to mess up some dude that previously messed you up? That's why your messing up attempt failed. Yeah, though, very good match. Yay for it!

 

Zyon and Alan Clark vs. Asia Underground

GRR! I HATE THIS WRITING STYLE SOOO MUCH! Not really, lolz. Should have made all the snapshots be from camera phones, lolz. Pfft @ 2 men trump 1 man always. Whats about when Janus smasheds those two guys that once? lawlerz. Uhms, not sure what else to say, it was a pretty good match (Man, I'm throwing 'good' out a lot tonight. I need to learn how to describulate things more betters), and uh, yeah. Nice stuff.

 

In my opinion, best matchation goes to Stephens vs. Johnny, just barely (and barley) edging out WC vs. JJ. Nothing against the tag match, but I just kinda liked the other two for reasons I can't quite state, lolz. Of the people that wrote, yayz.

[Toxxic 0]

Storm Comments

 

CLARK PROMO:

This is some way for Clark to get around his ‘no hardcore’ contract stip, I’m assuming by now appearing as ‘Mirror Max’ (that’s an appalling pun, appalling). I’ll admit to not liking this as much as recent Clark promos, there seems to be a little too much forced levity in the description, but that might be just me.

 

WC vs. J3

…and WC bitches about JJ’s choice of entrance music. Not that it’s not justified in some respects, but a tad overdone perhaps Now, onto the match. JJ attacking before the bell = good. Busaiku Knee Kick knocking Wildchild out of the ring = good. WC getting back to his feet, then being able to leap backwards and balance on a barricade directly afterwards = BAD. I don’t care how agile WC is - he’s just been hit in the back of the head by a Busaiku Fucking Knee Kick, which knocked someone the fuck out earlier in the year. He’s lucky he doesn’t have whiplash, but it’s sold as if it was about as damaging as a shove that took him out of the ring. KENTA hates you, WC.

 

I’m not sure about WC getting back to his feet from the attempted Fujiwara and backing JJ onto the ropes, considering how much stronger JJ is. However, something like the leg lariat shows how Wildchild should be countering things, by using his amazing speed to take people off-guard. I’m a little torn on whether Wildchild’s speed should give him the advantage of a striker who in kayfabe is second to pretty much Danny Williams and no-one else in the fed right now, but that could easily be a case of circumstance decides the winner. A small point - an elbow suicida is, unless I’m mistaken, a suicide dive (between the top and middle ropes) that ends in an elbow smash, not an elbow smash plancha. Happy to be corrected if I’m wrong though.

 

The Buffalo Sleeper sequence is good, and gives a nice impression of WC’s desperation with the final ‘swinging for Johnson’s head’. I’m a little dubious about the Dangerous German reverse spot though, mainly because if JJ’s popped his hips enough to launch WC across the ring as he plans he’s going to end up on his back from the effort, which means although WC might land on his feet he won’t be in a position to apply a rear waistlock immediately. It seems to be a spot that owes more to Smackdown vs. Raw than physics as I understand it but, again, I may well be wrong on this.

 

The rolling cradle/hiza-jujigatame/sharpshooter sequence - I liked that a lot. I don’t have the technical knowledge to say how feasible it all is, but it reads well to me, and that’s what matters J From there it’s a great race to the finish with a variety of big moves and near falls, very well-paced. I do remember what JJ said about being mad that he always seems to be beaten by roll-ups, and the same thing happens here (well, it’s a flying Sunset Flip, but close enough). A good match that puts JJ over as a threat (although given his recent form, I don’t know why anyone bothers), but I’m a little confused where Wildchild’s bloodlust from last week went.

 

 

DRAKE/LANDON PROMO

I like this a lot. We’re in Mind Game City here… and bloody hell, I am racking up the enemies, aren’t I? But it’s the little uses of language I like here - Landon asking if this is a riddle at the start, and Gabe going back to that at the end - “And riddle me this”. Not to mention adjustments of “he who lives by the sword dies by the sword”, where Drake basically tells Landon that his association with Stephens is going to get him more enemies than if he was on his own. Excellent work.

 

 

LANDON ENTRANCE

Can I say this again? I love Landon’s character. He’s so air-headed it’s hilarious. It’s like Bill & Ted took up wrestling and were sponsored by Pepsi.

 

 

DRAKE/MEGAN

Another great promo. What this show lacks in matches, it makes up for in quality promo work. Drake really is an ominous character, and in more ways than he’s just bigger than anyone else in the fed. Mak’s given him an air of malicious intelligence that goes beyond the ‘GRR! GABE SMASH!’ intimidation element. He’s also completely unafraid of using violence to anyone to get what he wants, and the way he views Megan as a means to an end possibly makes it even nastier. And the “Now that… wasn’t the easy way” is cold man, cold.

 

 

JOHNNY DANGEROUS vs. MICHAEL STEPHENS

Now, as I was writing this I did wonder if it was too much of a squash. However, what I hope it came over as was a) Stephens is back in full-on heel mode and no longer gives shit what anyone thinks and b) a way to turn your opponent’s storyline to your advantage. Johnny was pissed with Stephens and also feeling guilty about what happened to Wildchild, that came over on the last show. So I tried to use that by having him start the match outside the ring (where Stephens is more than comfortable) in his desire for revenge, and second by having him distracted by Wildchild’s plight. I didn’t exactly want to be squashing a dominant tag team on my own, but I thought it was believable in the circumstances - I want to know what other people thought though.

 

Oh, and regarding the pepper spray, the idea was that Stephens knew (or guessed) that Wildchild would be interfering and wanted a surprise to keep the odds from being stacked against him.

 

 

ALAN CLARK & ZYON vs. ASIA UNDERGROUND

Gaaah! Too much dialogue that would be inaudible to the fans! I don’t mind things that might be picked up on the ring mics, or on the TV cameras (like where I had Stephens ask Landon to get Johnny’s legs to lift him into the ring, I figured there’d be a camera close enough to pick that up), but I just don’t like it where two wrestlers say things in text that would not have been audible to the crowd or the TV audience. And yes, in my matches I’ll sometimes describe how a wrestler is feeling, or give at least some indication of their train of thought. How is this different? I don’t know, I just know it feels right to me. Presumably this style feels right to Clark and he’s perfectly entitled to write it… it just really, really grates on me, for reasons I can’t fully explain.

 

And you can hear Akira’s thoughts as well. I just don’t like this. Sorry.

 

 

Overall a good show for what there was of it - what I really want to happen (apart from people showing more) is to find out what happened in the end between Drake and Megan, and where and how Landon found out.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

The rolling cradle/hiza-jujigatame/sharpshooter sequence - I liked that a lot. I don’t have the technical knowledge to say how feasible it all is, but it reads well to me, and that’s what matters J From there it’s a great race to the finish with a variety of big moves and near falls, very well-paced. I do remember what JJ said about being mad that he always seems to be beaten by roll-ups, and the same thing happens here (well, it’s a flying Sunset Flip, but close enough). A good match that puts JJ over as a threat (although given his recent form, I don’t know why anyone bothers), but I’m a little confused where Wildchild’s bloodlust from last week went.

It's still selling that Busaiku Fucking Knee Kick...

 

Basically, WC aggression comes from his conscious mind, and when J³ jumped the gun on him, he had to shift to the defensive, which he's never been overly effective, and his bloodlust was forgotten in lieu of survival.

 

But, worry not, the aggression will return. In about five days...

 

As far as the no-sell, I'm guessing it's about 85-15 that J³ didn't even show. So, seeing as how I put him over anyway, I think I'm entitled to a no-sell that let me write a cool spot...

[The Amazing Rando 0]

I think it's more 110 to -10 that JJJ no-showed.

[Toxxic 0]

Oh, this tag match is going to be fun.

[King Cucaracha 0]

What the hell is a 'Knee Kick' anyway? I mean, how do you kick someone with your knee? Doesn't that completely go against the definition of a kick? Doesn't that involve your foot somehow? If I were to come up with some sort of flying back elbow and call it the 'Flying Elbow Kick', aside from it looking like something that came out of Jimmy's stats (in the best way possible), people would wonder what the hell an Elbow Kick would be. And rightly so. It's a 'Knee Attack', surely?

 

Sorry, KENTA. You're neat and all but even you can't kick with your knee.

[Toxxic 0]

KENTA hates you as well, Landon.

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

No, it goes like this: You get kicked in the knee so hard that you yell out "BUSAIKU!" in pain, which is a Portuguese word meaning "Ouch, my patella."

[Above Average 0]

I'm going to comment on Asia Underground vs. Zyon and Clark.

 

To tell you the truth, creative writing exercises like first-person, from a fans perspective (which I tried once) and this... which I can't quite quantify are good. They don't always win because they are different, but it can help to get you out of a rut. I think the one thing this match lacked was a way to significantly break up the prose. It's why a lot of us use ONE... TWO... for our counts. If this was a book dialogue and paragraph breaks would be good enough, but we're writing about dynamic action sequences and it all feels very static. Your lack of pinfall attempts or acknowlegdment of those pins except for the finish made it difficult to read. As a match its fine, if not a little bland (minus the IL sighting), but it read and felt short, as Johnny said during Skull Radio. That's something that will have to definitely change. The story was good and the added prose gets across Alan's attitude about the match, but Zyon gets a little lost in the shuffle. It'd be nice if the perspective included his realizations through the match more. You could have toyed around with the tag idea and had Alan avoid a few tags earlier and then have Zyon notice he needs to catch Clark off guard to get the tag. Something like that that we wouldn't have known without reading the match in this particular style.

 

If you're going to refine this style I'd suggest including more pins to add to the structure and also to make it more dynamic by taking words from the opening walk to the ring sequence to use for your action.