Storm Losing Matches for 6/27/07

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

Or other people? Tell me where I totally screwed up and junk and like whatnot and some other stuff.

 

Match ahoy!

 

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Storm zips back from a commercial to the Odyssey Arena, which is filled with wild Irish fans cheering for their favorite SWF superstars. A camera man pans around the crowd, displaying hand crafted signs such as "Toxxic Sucks Coxxic!", "MANSON Vaporized My Family, And All I Got Was This Lousy Sign", and "Kibagami Just Needs A Hug" before swooping over to Mak and King.

 

"What a night so far here, in Belfast, Northern Ireland. We've had some rookies display their skills, but right now, it's two wily veterans of the Smarks Wrestling Federation squaring off," Mak says.

 

"And it's a Hardcore title match, so this should please the drunken, brawling Irish," King says.

 

"Offensive comments aside, you're correct, King. Jimmy the Doom is putting his World Hardcore title on the line against Landon 'La Cucaracha' Maddix. These two met once before for Doom's strap, and Maddix came up short. Let's see if he can turn things around tonight," Mak says.

 

"From the rumors I've heard, that match isn't the only thing Landon comes up short in. Anyway, as much as I dislike Jimmy, I've got to pick him because, come on, it's Landon Maddix," King says.

 

"REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH!"

 

The lights dim as "Personal Jesus" by Marilyn Manson rings out across the arena. Megan Skye bursts through the curtain to a chorus of cheers. Following directly behind is Landon Maddix, who thrusts his arms to the side, prompting another burst of support.

 

"Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the World Hardcore title! Introducing first, being accompanied by Megan Skye, hailing from Huron, South Dakota by way of Madrid, Spain, he stands five feet, ten inches tall and weighs in tonight at two hundred and eight pounds. He is the former World Heavyweight champion, LAAAANDON 'LAAAAA CUUUUCHAAAARRRAAAACHAAA' MMAAAAADIXXXXX!" Funyon booms.

 

"Funyon should've pointed out who beat him for the belt," King grumbles. "Losing to Clark should be an instant contract termination."

 

"Come on, King. It's been how many years now? Just let it go and stop trying to look for ways to knock Maddix down a peg," Mak says.

 

"But what would I be without my seething hatred, Francis? I've said it countless times, a man without a hard rock of hatred where his heart should be is no man at all," King states.

 

Landon saunters down the ramp, playing to the fans, posing and posturing, just generally trying to milk things as much as possible. Maddix finally reaches the ring and springs to the apron. Megan goes for the easier route and clambers up the ring steps. Skye holds open the ropes and Landon ducks inside the squared circle. 'La Cucaracha' waits for Megan in the middle of the ring, then poses with his manager. Landon notices a strand of hair out of place on the SmarkTron and quickly fixes it lest anyone else see. Skye heads out of the ring as "Personal Jesus" fades away and the lights return to normal. Normalcy is only maintained for a brief moment before the lights go out, plunging the arena into total darkness. The stamp of marching feet and the echo of chanting voices filters through the building.

 

DOOM!

 

DOOM!

 

DOOM!

 

DOOM!

 

DOOM!

 

DOOM!

 

DOOM!

 

DOOM!

 

DOOM!

 

DOOM!

 

The lights snap back on to reveal druids completely surrounding the ring, except for the pathway to the ramp. Boots Randolph's "Yakety Sax" blares over the speakers, dispelling the spooky atmosphere brought on by the druids. Jimmy the Doom emerges from behind the curtain first, Lois the Unethical directly behind and carrying Jimmy's Hardcore title. The Doomtopians pause at the top of the ramp, surveying the scene below, then begin a slow walk down to the ring.

 

"And his opponent, being accompanied by Lois the Unethical. From Doomopolis, Doomtopia, he stands six feet, five inches tall, and weighs two hundred, thirty pounds. He is the current and longest reigning Hardcore champion in SWF history, the Straight-Bread Sensation, JJJIIIIIIMMMYYY THE DOOOOOOOM!" Funyon roars.

 

"That still doesn't seem right, no matter how many times I hear it," King says. "Jimmy the Doom, of all fucking people, has held the Hardcore title the longest?"

 

"You better believe it King. But it's not just the Hardcore title, he's got the record for longest consecutive reign for any belt," Mak states.

 

"I think I'm gonna be sick," King mumbles.

 

Doom gets to the ring and rolls under the bottom rope while Lois hands the belt to referee Pennyfeather J. Poppycock. Pennyfeather holds the title up, then shows it to Doom and Landon before passing it over to Funyon. With no illegal objects to search for, Poppycock signals for the bell.

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

Doom barrels forward, throwing out a shotei that catches Maddix flush on the chin. Landon stumbles back a step but darts in with a kick to Jimmy's left leg. Maddix throws another kick into Doom's leg, then snaps off a forearm. 'La Cucaracha' presses forward with another forearm shot, but is unable to build up any more momentum as Jimmy crashes down with a headbutt.

 

AMBERGRIS!

 

Landon shakes the blow off as best he can, then swings up with a knife-hand chop to the side of Doom's neck. Maddix laces another knife-edge into Jimmy's neck before slamming a leg into his stomach. Landon slips on a front facelock and falls back with a DDT. 'La Cucaracha' rolls the Doomtopian away and rises, but he doesn't get a second to rest on his laurels as Jimmy clambers up as well. Doom launches a shotei that Maddix ducks and fires off a leg kick. Landon drops to the mat, coils his legs up, and slams both into Doom's right knee, causing it to buckle.

 

"Landon is looking a little erratic right now, but I suppose facing Jimmy the Doom will do that to you. Maddix wants to go after the head and neck, but that's much easier to do with Jimmy on the mat, and the Hardcore champ is tough to keep on the canvas," Mak says.

 

"I find that highly unlikely, Francis. I'm chalking this up to Maddix being completely useless," King says.

 

Maddix rolls backwards, springs to his feet, and charges Doom. Landon takes flight, smashing the Hardcore champion with a forearm to the jaw.

 

LYONNAISE!

 

Jimmy stumbles backwards a feet feet, but remains on his feet. Maddix lands and keeps running, then slides under the bottom rope. 'The Next Generation' sprints around the ring and snatches up a spare folding chair. Doom climbs out of the ring and slowly approaches the armed Maddix. Landon turns to run, and as Jimmy gives chase, 'La Cucaracha' whips back around, braining Doom with the chair.

 

RHIZOME!

 

The Straight-Bread Sensation staggers, but remains standing, so Maddix bashes him again.

 

LAGNIAPPE!

 

Doom almost drops to one knee, and as he powers back up, he gets clocked with the chair.

 

GADDER!

 

Growing frustrated, Landon nails Jimmy in the stomach, and with the Hardcore champ doubled over, Maddix wails away on the back of his skull.

 

MAHOUT!

 

ECLOGUE!

 

ACANTHUS!

 

DANSEUSE!

 

Doom finally drops from the assault, the brutality of which is so great it causes Pennyfeather's monocle to fly off his face.

 

"Nice bit of subterfuge by Maddix to catch Jimmy unawares with the first chair shot, but that flurry might have been excessive," Mak says.

 

"It is kind of fitting that the only way Landon could get an advantage was to do what comes naturally to him, run away," King says.

 

Maddix flips Jimmy onto his back and makes a lateral press. Poppycock scurries out of the ring to count the pin.

 

One!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tw-No!

 

Pennyfeather's top hat flies off his head due to shock, but he diligently holds up a single finger.

 

"Kick out from the champion, and wouldn't you think that everyone on the roster would know that it takes a lot of punishment for Doom to stay down?" Mak asks.

 

"Oh, I'm sure the smarter wrestlers know that, but this is Landon Maddix, Francis. He lost to Alan Clark if you don't remember," King says.

 

Landon pushes himself up and pulls Doom into a seated position. Maddix scrambles behind the Straight-Breader, runs, and leaps, yanking Jimmy's head forward. Doom's head snaps back after Landon releases, and 'La Cucaracha' charges in with a basement dropkick.

 

GLOSSOLALIA!

 

"Nice neck snap from Maddix, followed up with a dropkick, and those should soften Jimmy up for either the Land of Nod or the Shining Wizard," Mak says.

 

"Of course, those moves would be a lot more effective if Maddix didn't suck so much," King points out.

 

Maddix tries to haul Jimmy off the ground, but catches a shotei to the jaw for his troubles. Doom rises to his feet and snaps off another shotei. Landon staggers backwards, but not out of Doom's range as the Straight-Breader blasts Landon with a body kick. The Hardcore champ closes the distance and whips Maddix into the ring steps.

 

ECLOGUE!

 

"It looks like Jimmy the Doom is mounting a bit of a comeback, and while not the strongest, he's easily overpowering Maddix tonight," Mak says.

 

"Plus, he's not that far behind him in terms of speed, and from what both men have shown in the past, Doom is definitely tougher than Landon, so there's really no way Maddix can win. Might as well call the match right now and save us all the trouble," King says.

 

Rather than continue the attack on Landon, Jimmy heads towards the guard rail and deftly scoops up a druid. Doom presses the cloaked figure above his head, then launches him at Maddix.

 

ABROGATE!

 

The druid lands flush on Landon's chest, knocking him against the steps. Jimmy moves down the line and grabs up another hooded monk and hurls the poor guy at Landon. 'La Cucaracha' manages to duck this human missile, and the druid slams into the ring post.

 

ANTEDILUVIAN!

 

"This might be the first time in his career that Jimmy is using those druids as offensive weapons, and I can't imagine that it's legal to toss them around like that," Mak says.

 

"They're just druids, Mak. They aren't even real people. Well, except for the ones that happen to be Smarks Wrestling Federation wrestlers disguised as druids so they can sneak attack Doom," King points out.

 

Jimmy snatches the next druid by the front of his robe and launches him for Maddix. Probably against better judgment, Landon catches the druid in mid-air, prompting Doom to dash towards him. Jimmy leaps and dropkicks the duo, knocking Landon flat on his back.

 

APOGEE!

 

Poppycock considers counting the druid's pin on Maddix, but is saved from the decision as Jimmy pulls Landon from under the druid. Doom shoves 'the Next Generation' back in the ring, and before rolling in himself, Jimmy grabs the dented chair. The Straight-Bread Sensation lifts Maddix off the mat, and attempts an Irish whip, but Landon puts on the brakes. Maddix clutches Jimmy's wrist and closes in, trapping Doom's arm against the side of his head. Landon quickly falls backwards, driving Jimmy's face into the mat.

 

LUCUBRATION!

 

Landon scrambles away, and as Doom pushes himself to his knees, Maddix leaps, dropping down with both knees across Jimmy's head and neck.

 

BRYOPHYTA!

 

"And it looks like the tables have turned again after that Complete Shot by Maddix, followed up with a big knee drop," Mak says.

 

"It's not so much that the tables have turned, as it is the other end of the see-saw has come down. It'll go back and forth for a while, but Jimmy, like fat children, can finish it whenever he wants by putting his weight down. He's toying with Landon," King says.

 

"So should we be expecting 50 Cent to say that he loves a girl like Jimmy the Doom hates sandwiches?" Mak wonders.

 

"Whoms?" King asks, playing his 'Dorky White Guy' card.

 

Landon tries to pull Doom up by the hair, but can't get a grip on Jimmy's short locks, so Maddix takes hold of Doom's ears. 'La Cucaracha' backs away to arm's length, then unleashes a rapid-fire barrage of kicks to the Hardcore champ's face.

 

GORMANDIZE!

 

EUKARYA!

 

AMYGDALA!

 

ZYMOGEN!

 

Maddix releases the slightly dazed Straight-Breader, slips behind him, and slaps on an inverted facelock. Landon spins out, slamming his elbow into Doom's chest and driving him into the mat. Maddix rolls over and makes a lateral press.

 

One!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two-No!

 

Poppycock's bow tie spins wildly as he signals the kick out.

 

"Landon Eye almost got two for the challenger, but Doom has his title for a little while longer," Mak says.

 

"Did you just forget everything I said a few minutes ago?" King asks. "Doom might be flat on his back right now, but he's in total control of this contest."

 

Grumbling, 'La Cucaracha' gets up and drags Jimmy into a seated position. Landon backs away, then rushes Doom and snaps his neck forward. Maddix sprints to get behind Jimmy, then darts forward with another leaping neck snap. Maddix turns on his heel and dashes towards the Straight-Bread Sensation. Landon jumps, feet thrust forward, and scissors Doom around his waist. 'The Next Generation' cinches in a guillotine choke and leans backwards as he tries to live up to the hold's name and remove Jimmy's head from his shoulders.

 

"Doom is stuck in Wet Cement right now, and this could spell trouble for the Straight-Bread Sensation. He doesn't have the benefit of rope breaks in the Hardcore environment, so he's got to rely on himself to get free," Mak says.

 

"Hey, now! You only get to call it Wet Cement when used by Tom Flesher. When that loser steals it, you have to call it The Shitty Choke That Landon Uses," King says.

 

Regardless of the name employed, the move is effective, as Jimmy is stuck. Poppycock leans in to see if Doom would like to submit, and his coattails flip up when the Doomtopian refuses. Landon tries to squeeze tighter, but is already straining to keep the Straight-Breader from moving. With his arms free, Doom puts them to good use and begins pounding Maddix with body shots, but 'La Cucaracha' grits his teeth and keeps the hold locked on tight. Pennyfeather checks on Jimmy's condition again, and this time his monocle falls out upon being ignored by the Hardcore champion. Jimmy stops throwing punches, and instead plants his hands on the mat and pushes forward, allowing himself to get to a kneeling pose.

 

"Jimmy might be trying to rise up and slam Landon into the canvas to jar him loose, but Doom runs the risk of assisting Maddix with a DDT," Mak says.

 

"I'm pretty sure that Doom would be able to survive a DDT. On the plus side, if he did that, he'd be on top of Maddix, giving him a vast array of moves," King points out.

 

Doom slowly reaches a vertical base with Landon hanging off his neck, and then grabs Maddix by the legs. Jimmy pulls Landon higher up on his own body. With Maddix's legs under his armpits, Jimmy clasps his hands together, and snaps backwards, driving Landon into the mat.

 

ACANTHUS!

 

"Devastating suplex by Jimmy the Doom, and I think that was a pretty good counter to...The Shitty Choke That Landon Uses," Mak says after a severe glare from the Suicide King.

 

"Oh, man, I hope that fall gave Landon brain damage. Not that anyone could tell, of course, but at least then he could be of some use by giving up his liver to one of these drunken Irishmen. You'd think they'd cut back on the drinking a bit when the leading cause of death for the past five centuries has been scoliosis of the liver," King says.

 

"Actually, King, it's cirrhosis of the liver. Scoliosis is curvature of the spine," Mak points out.

 

"Well, excuse me, Doctor House, but my ass isn't jacked into WebMD like a crappy version of the Matrix. And no, I don't mean the two sequels," King grumbles.

 

Doom crawls over and makes a lateral press on Landon, making sure to hook his far leg.

 

One!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

T-No!

 

Poppycock's bow tie revolves madly while both his top hat and monocle go flying. Pennyfeather scrambles to retrieve them as Jimmy pulls Maddix off the canvas. Doom snaps off a palm to Landon's jaw, then whips 'the Next Generation' to the ropes. The Straight-Bread Sensation bends low and scoops Maddix off his feet. Jimmy flips Landon over and plants him with an inverted atomic drop. Maddix stumbles backwards, leaving Doom just enough space to stand on one leg, then leap, cracking Landon under the chin with a crane kick.

 

ANALYSAND!

 

"Yak Kick from Doom, and he might be looking to finish this match right here," Mak says.

 

"It's about damn time. I can barely hold back the bile that results every time I watch Landon in the ring," King says.

 

Doom drags Maddix to his feet and pops him with an elbow to the forehead. Jimmy crashes down with a headbutt, then follows that up with a shotei. With Landon reeling backwards, the Straight-Bread Sensation casually sticks out both hands, wrapping them around Landon's neck. Doom lifts Maddix up, turns around the ring slowly, then drops down, slamming him to the mat.

 

LORGNETTE!

 

Jimmy tosses his legs on top of Landon's arms and Pennyfeather, cranium accessories trembling, slides down to count the pin.

 

One!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thr-No!

 

Poppycock's hat slowly teeters from side to side before falling off, and that appears to be the catalyst, as his tails fly up, his bow tie spins crazily, and his monocle nearly exits the ring as he holds up two fingers.

 

"Doom almost retained the title with that Jimmy Bomb, but Landon got a shoulder up. I figure you'll say this, King, so I'll save you the trouble. Doom should hit Maddix in the head about a hundred times with the chair, and then pin him," Mak says in his best mock-King voice.

 

"You forgot about the part where Jimmy throws Landon off a cliff and onto some pointy rocks," King says.

 

Shaking his head in disbelief, Doom hauls Maddix off the canvas and grabs the South Dakotan by the wrist. Before Jimmy can twist his arm, though, Landon launches himself at the Hardcore champ, catching him in the mouth with a forearm.

 

AMERCEMENT!

 

Doom refuses to let go, at least until Maddix laces into him with knife-edge chops to the neck. Jimmy releases Landon, and 'La Cucaracha' quickly throws his right arm across Doom's chest. Maddix dips his head under Jimmy's arm, leans the Doomtopian forward a moment, then snaps him into the mat.

 

GENUFLECT!

 

"Crash Landon '05, and it looked like Jimmy was going for Doomsday," Mak says.

 

"He was just teasing it, Mak. Had Jimmy really wanted it, he would have gotten it. Like Landon Maddix could stop it. He couldn't stop Alan Clark from kicking his ass and taking his title, could he?" King asks.

 

Landon flips Jimmy over and makes a lateral press.

 

One!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thre-No!

 

Pennyfeather holds two fingers aloft as he snatches up his top hat and smooths his coattails, wondering why he still wears such things to referee a wrestling match.

 

"Maddix almost won the Hardcore belt there, but Jimmy kicked out. I think both men are getting desperate, King, and desperation breeds mistakes. It's just a question of who will slip up first, and if his opponent can capitalize," Mak says. "Oh, and don't make the joke that both should be able to capitalize as Landon and Jimmy are educated men that know how to make large letters."

 

"That's a joke? What decrepit mummy came up with that?" King wonders.

 

Landon snatches a handful of Doom's shirt and pulls the Straight-Breader up by it. Maddix snaps off a forearm to the face, then a knife-hand chop to Jimmy's neck before slipping behind the Hardcore champion. 'The Next Generation' wraps his hands around Doom's neck and pulls him down, onto Landon's knees.

 

CATECHOLAMINE!

 

Maddix slides his legs around Doom's waist and leans in, slapping on an inverted facelock.

 

"Lungblower followed by the Land of Nod! Maddix could have this match in the bag," Mak says.

 

"While you are completely wrong, and, I'm beginning to think, borderline retarded, that Lungblower is a good set up to the Land of Nod, or any other sleeper or choke hold," King says.

 

"Absolutely, King. Anytime you can force air from your opponent and then make sure he can't get any more, you've just turned onto Easy Street," Mak says.

 

Poppycock crouches down to see if Doom wants to continue, and the Straight-Breader signals that he does. Pennyfeather's hat falls off, but he ignores it should Jimmy suddenly change his mind. Maddix tries to force that change as he leans back. Not getting the right leverage from the body scissors, Landon clambers to his feet and assumes the standard back-mounted position, but Jimmy still won't submit. Poppycock slips off his coat as the tails begin to rise, and he remains focused on the Hardcore champion.

 

"I've got to hand it to Jimmy the Doom, he does not go down easily. Let me guess, Megan Skye does?" Mak asks.

 

"You've been reading the bathroom walls, too?" King shoots back.

 

'The Next Generation' cinches the hold tighter, but Doom still will not submit. Pennyfeather's monocle flies out, but the referee catches it in mid-air and affixes it back in place. Jimmy reaches back and begins flailing away at Landon's body, his arms slowly moving upwards. The Straight-Bread Sensation stops as he reaches Maddix's face, and instead of punching or slapping, begins caressing the skin.

 

"Stop it! Dude, seriously, make him stop," Maddix begs.

 

Poppycock simply shrugs, as even were there rules in place, there's nothing on the books about gently rubbing the opponent's face. There probably should be, though. However, there isn't, and Doom continues doing just that.

 

"Skins...to muching...have beens...of for softnessed..." Jimmy gurgles.

 

Maddix is now sufficiently creeped out enough to loosen his grip, but not break it. Doom's hand slides down Landon's face and to his throat, where it shoots in, causing 'La Cucaracha' to release his hold. Maddix rolls away, coughing and sputtering, as does the Straight-Breader.

 

"Hand of Doom from the champion to get him out of the Land of Nod, and, King, was it just me or did it look like Jimmy was stroking Landon's face?" Mak asks.

 

"No! Shut up! Shut up! Never happened! La, la, la, la!" King yells, eyes clenched tight and hands over ears as he tries to erase that sequence from his memory.

 

Poppycock quickly slips on his coat and hat before either competitor can attempt to finish the match. Landon is the first to rise, but is slow to go near Doom after his last encounter. Jimmy drags himself to the ropes and pulls himself up with their assistance. The Straight-Breader turns to face Maddix, and the two men charge. Jimmy ducks his head moments before Landon jumps, and the Doomtopian snares him in a waistlock as they pass. The Hardcore champ quickly spins around and flings Maddix to the canvas.

 

GIMCRACKERY!

 

"Jimmy-Plex from the champ, and it looks like Maddix has had his spirit crushed after failing to pick up the victory with the Land of Nod," Mak says.

 

"Land of Nod? When did that happen?" King asks, apparently successful in blocking out the memory.

 

Jimmy pulls Maddix to his feet and boots him in the stomach. Doom takes hold of Landon's hair and slams a knee into his face.

 

XYLEM!

 

Doom lands another knee before walking behind 'the Next Generation', pulling him into an inverted facelock, hooking his left leg and planting Landon with a brain buster.

 

GAMETANGIA!

 

RHIZOME!

 

"Doom Driver after some nasty knees to the head. I thought Jimmy was going for the Doom Factor when he had Landon doubled over, but I guess the Straight-Bread Sensation has something else in mind," Mak says.

 

"Hopefully it's something that breaks all of Landon's bones," King says gleefully,

 

Instead of breaking bones, Doom reaches out and makes a cover.

 

One!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Three!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No!

 

Poppycock is nearly rendered nude due to so many articles of clothing flying off, but he remains a professional and holds up two fingers.

 

"Maddix with the kick out and two and ninety-nine hundredths! I wonder if Doom is getting worried right now. He might have to pull out the big guns. That is, if he has any big guns," Mak says.

 

"That's a good point, Francis. Jimmy is usually pretty dominant so he never resorts to anything too extreme, but he might have to get creative in his quest to smash Maddix into a quivering slurry of awful," King says.

 

Jimmy lifts Landon off the mat and whips him into the corner. Maddix crashes back-first in the turnbuckles, his arms draped across the top rope the only thing keeping him from sliding down to the canvas. The Straight-Breader charges in, cracking 'the Next Generation' with a flying back elbow that does send Maddix to the ground.

 

LIMN!

 

"I wonder what Jimmy is going for with Maddix in the corner. Maybe a top rope Doom Factor, but that's a little risky, especially since he hasn't even tried the standard version. While Landon isn't on Doom's level of resiliency, he's certainly a tough customer to put away in his own right," Mak says.

 

"He can't be that difficult considering that Alan Clark beat him," King says.

 

"You know, you've been saying that a lot tonight, King," Mak notes.

 

"That's because it bears repeating as often as possible. Landon Maddix lost to Alan Clark!" King shouts.

 

Doom pulls 'La Cucaracha' up and puts him in the corner with a double palm thrust. The Hardcore champ tangles Landon's arms and legs in the rope, then smacks him with a shotei. Jimmy heads to the adjacent corner and snatches up the dented chair. The Straight-Bread Sensation wedges the chair between the top and middle buckles, and against Maddix's face. The Doomtopian back away to the opposite corner, then sprints towards Landon as 'La Cucaracha' struggles to free himself. Jimmy leaps in the air and plants his right foot in the middle of the chair.

 

ANIMADVERSION!

 

Poppycock's monocle falls and shatters as Jimmy pulls the chair away, revealing Landon to be trying out another luchador persona, as he's sporting a bright crimson mask.

 

"Flying front kick from Jimmy, and Maddix has gone limp!" Mak exclaims.

 

"From the tales I've heard, that's not unusual for him," King says.

 

Jimmy extracts Landon's limbs and tosses the unconscious Cockroach to the mat. The Hardcore champion flips Maddix over before his DNA, the thoroughly un-sexy kind, can stain the mat, and Doom makes a lateral press.

 

One!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Three!

 

No shock or awe this time, as Landon doesn't budge even after Pennyfeather's hand strikes the mat for the third time and signals for the bell.

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

"Ladies and gentlemen, the winner and still Hardcore champion, the Straight-Bread Sensation, JJJJJIIIIIIMMMMMYYYY THE DOOOOOOM!" Funyon booms.

 

"It was grueling, violent, bloody, and for a few seconds, really, really uncomfortable, but Jimmy the Doom has won the match and retained his Hardcore title yet again. You know, for a second, I thought the match was going to turn into the bad, gross kind of hardcore," Mak says.

 

"What the hell are you talking about?" King asks.

 

"Oh, yeah, that's right. Never mind," Mak replies.

 

Lois takes the belt to Jimmy herself as "Yakety Sax" plays again. Megan slides into the ring to check on Landon, as do several members of the medical staff while Storm fades to a commercial for Frost-Brand Individual Waffle Squares: "We take delicious waffles cut them into bite-sized squares and seal each one in their own air-tight container to lock in that great waffle goodness!"

[Secret Agent 0]

Well, I've read both matches twice now to try and determine how Hawke bested me, but I'm not seeing it at all. Someone please tell me what the hell I did so wrong that a hack-job match can win out. Please, I'm tired of going through all these weeks of trying to build Johnny up for nothing and losing where I feel like I have the ability to win, and I don't say that to sound half-cocked, that's just how I feel.

 

====================

 

“Finally,” Mak Francis begins again as the cameras settle on the two announcers, “it is time for the match we’ve been waiting for all evening – the final International Championship match! I think I can say that it’s a toss up right now as to which man will walk away the victor and final holder of this esteemed Championship. However, no matter who wins the belt, it’ll be at home with someone who meant something to the International Championship.”

 

“Only if it goes home with Jay Hawke,” disputes King. “Johnny Dangerous was the first International Champion after he created the belt, but Jay Hawke made a name for himself with his mammoth, 274 day run with the title. He shouldn’t have even had to wrestle for it. Hell, If you ask me, I think Hawke was right in demanding to have the title awarded to him, and I’m rather shocked and appalled that Tom didn’t awarded Hawke the Championship!”

 

“Well we normally awarded titles to competitors after a successful match,” Francis adds. “Besides, this is the final match for the International Championship; it deserves to go out with a great match!”

 

“You do realize the Barracuda is involved in this request for a great match, right?”

 

“Yes, and I’d also point out that the original match to unify the US Championship and the Intercontinental Championship into what is now the International Championship had the exact same competitors involved. Who would have ever thought that would happen?”

 

“Who would have cared?”

 

“All of our fans across the world, that’s who!” the Franchise snaps. “And before you can add anymore of your sarcastic comments lets go to Funyon in the ring!

 

*DING DING DING!!!*

 

The ringing of the timekeeper’s bell draws the attention of the crowd to the ring where Funyon stands. The lights darken and a single spotlight shines down on the ring, illuminating the ring announcer for his announcements.

 

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Funyon booms. “The following match is tonight’s MAIN EVENT~ and is scheduled for one fall for the vacant SWF… INTERNATIONAL… CHAMPIONSHIP~!!”

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!”

 

Suddenly, the familiar strains of Pink Floyd’s “Learning to Fly” kick up from the speakers while the lights slowly dim, heralding the entrance of Jay Hawke. The crowd, as expected, unloads with some boos!

 

“Introducing first,” says Funyon, “from the Hall of Fame City of Cleveland, Ohio, weighing in at 215 pounds … he is ‘The Dean of Professional Wrestling’ JAAAAAAAAAAY HAAAAAAWWKE!”

 

A spotlight shines on Jay Hawke as he emerges from the curtain. He stops at the top of the ramp and just looks out across the sea of fans before parting his black and purple robe to pantomime a title belt around his waist. All around him he can here the fans striking up a chant that’s plagued him for the entirety of his SWF career:

 

“HAWKE SUCKS!”

“HAWKE SUCKS!”

“HAWKE SUCKS!”

“HAWKE SUCKS!”

 

These chants are nothing new for Hawke. He’s done his best to ignore them so far in his career and it’s proven to be a good course of action for him. Tonight, like all nights, is all about Jay Hawke, and he proudly marches down the walkway to victory.

 

“Despite his recent losses the past couple of weeks, Jay Hawke is coming into this match with an air of confidence about him,” says Francis. “He must feel extremely good about his chances tonight.”

 

“Wouldn’t you?” Suicide King asks. “He’s facing a man who’s proven he can’t get the job done in title matches anymore. I’m not so sure I’d even bother training myself for this one.”

 

“That’s the kind of attitude that cost you matches! I know that there has been a lot of people running around and claiming that Johnny Dangerous is a ran down, has-been, and maybe that has made his opponents regard him as nothing more than a joke, but surely they’re not so blind that they didn’t see what the Barracuda did to Tracy Bruner just last show!”

 

“You mean get a cheap decision in his favor from a disqualification?”

 

“Dangerous had that match won before Marvelous interfered!” Mak retorts.

 

“That remains to be seen,” the Gambling Man says. “Nobody knows for certain that Bruner wasn’t about to kick out before Marvelous interrupted the match, and before you interrupt… nobody knows for certain that Johnny didn’t have the match won. Now we’ll never know how that match could have really ended.”

 

Hawke takes his spot inside the ring after shedding his purple and black robe. He leans back with an elbow over the top rope as he patiently waits on his opponent. The lights darken once more as the Smarktron lights up. A video begins displaying an image of a fuse fizzling down towards a stick of dynamite, and the Mission Impossible theme starts ringing out around the arena. Just before the music swings into full gear to launch the crowd into a frenzy-

 

“JOHNNY DANGEROUS~!”

 

-a deep, sultry voice breathes the name of the SWF’s secret agent over the speakers then-

 

*BOOOOOOM!*

 

-the music hits as an explosion of pyro literally rocks the entrance stage! Finally, through all the vibrant lights and the cloud of smoke comes the Barracuda, silhouetted by the strobes with occasional flashes reflecting off his high-tech shades as he turns his head from side-to-side, looking out at his crowd!

 

“JOHN-NY!”

“JOHN-NY!”

“JOHN-NY!”

“JOHN-NY!”

 

“And his opponent,” bellows Funyon. “From Las Vegas, Nevada, and weighing in tonight at two hundred and twenty five pounds; he is one half of the current and five-time reigning SWF World Tag Team Champions. HE IS JOHNNY ‘THE BARRACUDA’ DANGEROUS!”

 

Johnny raises his arm out to the fans before he heads into the ring and quickly readies himself for the match.

 

“He’s been looking towards this moment since he learned that he had an opportunity to wrestle for the International Championship again,” says Francis, “and now that the moment is finally here, all he has to do is complete one last task to cast away the doubters, and that’s to win.”

 

“That’s a tall order to fill,” scoffs King.

 

Ronald ‘Red’ Herrington, the official for this match, holds the International Championship in front of Johnny Dangerous, and then turns to display the belt to Jay Hawke in kind before finally holding the belt up in the air, displaying the belt to every side of the crowd. The gold glistens off the lights and the fans cheer enormously. They know that tonight the rather short, but storied history of the International Championship is about to come to a close - the final displaying of this belt is a heartfelt one. After a few moments, Herrington hands the two belts off to a ringside assistant for probably the last time.

 

Johnny steps towards Jay Hawke and extends his hand. For a second Hawke just glares, but then he accepts the offer and shakes Dangerous’ hand firmly. Surprisingly, the crowd doesn’t boo the notion of one fan-favorite shaking hands with a man that they despise, but instead gives the sight a respectful cheer.

 

“Such a show of respect for the Championship,” says Mak. “These two certainly don’t like each other, but right now they both realize that the title is greater than any animosity they may share. If a championship has to retire, this is how every belt in the SWF should go out.”

 

Finally, Herrington turns towards the timekeeper and signals for the start of this match.

 

*DING DING DING!!!*

 

“There’s the bell and the final International Championship match is underway!” the Franchise declares. Hawke steps towards the center of the ring as does Dangerous, and the two men begin a slow-paced circle as the sound of the crowd buzzing in anticipation swirls all around them. Hawke carefully watches every movement the Barracuda makes while carefully plotting his opening attack. Seemingly, Johnny has the same thoughts running through his mind; when Hawke finally lunges in, Dangerous does the same, and the two men move towards each other, looking for a collar-and-elbow tie up!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!”

 

The crowd explodes at the sight of first collision between the two Superstars, who clash with the tie up! For a moment, and only a moment, the two jockey for position before the Barracuda begins to assert his strength on Hawke and starts muscling him back into a corner!

 

*WHAM!*

 

Dangerous powers his opponent into the steel post and then unloads in his face with a series of left and right hooks!

 

*WHACK!*

*WHACK!*

*WHACK!*

 

Hawke’s head is rocked on his shoulders from the three punches, and then Dangerous rears his arm way back and swings for a forth, more powerful shot, even as Herrington tries to separate the two with a call for a break, but Hawke ducks underneath easily and fires off two short forearms! They hit and Johnny wobbles out of the corner a bit, giving the Dean of Professional Wrestling some space. It’s a chance that Hawke could take for a quick breather but instead he decides to press his attack, and he explodes out of the corner and nails the Barracuda with a short-armed lariat!

 

*WHAM!*

 

Johnny is dropped to the canvas and Hawke drops on him with a lateral press for:

 

ONE! Before Dangerous easily kicks out! Johnny rolls up to his feet and takes several steps back as one hand gingerly rubs his neck. Hawke is already starting to feel that he has this one in the bag and when Johnny glares up at him, Jay holds out his arms triumphantly, getting a decent amount of boos in response.

 

“HAWKE SUCKS!”

“HAWKE SUCKS!”

 

“It’s sad to see how quickly the respect has been tossed out the window,” says Mak. “Just a few minutes ago Jay was shaking hands with Johnny in the utmost display of sportsmanship.”

 

“That was just for the papers,” Suicide King replies. “Hawke knows he’s better than Johnny – he’s just making sure the Barracuda realizes that now.”

 

If Hawke’s intent was to get a rise out of his opponent than he certainly did the job. Dangerous grits his teeth and steps towards Jay, and once more the two men start to circle. Again they collide with a tie up, but this time Dangerous doesn’t try to out-muscle his opponent. This time he quickly pivots and takes Hawke to the mat with a surprising lateral twist and stays on top as Herrington dives in to count for:

 

ONE! But that’s all Hawke will give up right now! He easily thrusts his shoulder off the mat and rolls up to his feet. Now it’s his turn to try and put a few feet between himself and Dangerous, and when he glances back at Johnny he catches an eyeful of the Barracuda striking a martial arts pose, which is cheered by the fans, of course.

 

“JOHN-NY!”

“JOHN-NY!”

 

“Oh, and I suppose it’s so much better when he does it now?”

 

“Well, not really,” replies Francis, “but I’m more inclined to think that he’s letting Hawke know that he is definitely not the better wrestler - Johnny just showed that he can quickly take the upper hand.”

 

“Figures you’d spin it in his favor,” King mutters as he waves his partner off with his hand. Johnny beckons Hawke to come closer… and Jay suddenly charges towards him. If the Barracuda wants to get taken down and made to look like a fool than Hawke would certainly oblige his wishes! Johnny takes a step in and swings out a lariat, but Jay ducks down and blazes past him for the opposite side of the ring. Building up some serious steam, Hawke hits the ropes and rebounds towards Dangerous, when Johnny suddenly bellies out, forcing the Dean to float right over him and proceed across the ring once more! Johnny hops up and when Hawke comes running back towards him, Dangerous ducks down and-

 

*CRACK!*

 

-eats a kick to the face!

 

“He telegraphed that one all the way to China!” King snickers as Johnny stumbles backwards, frantically waving his arms to regain some balance. Hawke presses forward, jumps up-

 

*CRACK!*

-and levels the Barracuda with a drop kick! Both of Hawke’s feet slam into Dangerous’ chest, viciously knocking him to the canvas! Jay quickly scrambles over the Barracuda and covers him as the crowd starts to boo.

 

ONE!

 

 

TW-NO! Dangerous kicks out! Hawke quickly bolts to a vertical position and then reaches down to pull Johnny up by his hair. He tosses in a few shots to the Barracuda’s abdomen, making sure to keep Johnny under his control, “-and right now Jay Hawke is starting to clamp down on Johnny Dangerous,” says Mak. “He sees the momentum slowly building in his favor and he’s not going to let up and give the Barracuda a chance to gain it back.”

 

“Sounds like a sound plan to me,” King adds as Hawke grabs Johnny by his arm and whips him towards the ropes. “Jay’s wrestled the Barracuda enough times to know exactly what Johnny will do, and so far he’s been able to stay one step ahead of him.”

 

Johnny hits the ropes and rebounds towards Hawke, who seems to be looking to dust the Barracuda off with another lariat. Johnny sees it and moves first, proving that he’s not under anyone’s control, and with all the momentum he has from coming off the ropes he swings his arm out and-

 

*WHOOSH*

 

-it goes sailing over Hawke’s head! Again Hawke ducks the hit easily and then pops up from behind, reaches around Dangerous neck, and kicks his feet out for a neck-breaker on Dangerous!

 

*WHAM!*

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

 

The crowd voices their disapproval, but it’s not quite certain if it’s directed towards Hawke for actually gaining the upper hand, or for Dangerous failing so easily. Nonetheless, Hawke has a perfect opportunity to make a cover and he takes it, dropping down on Johnny with a lateral press for:

 

ONE!

 

TW-NO!

 

“Johnny kicks out!” Francis shouts amongst some cheers from the fans. “Only a two count at most, but he’s got to figure out how to gain control of this match before he finds himself staring up at the lights!”

 

“See, this just shows you why others are passing Johnny by; he’s too predictable… everyone that’s wrestled against him once or even twice know that it’s the same, tired routine and they’ve figured out how to beat it. They’ve progressed while he’s stood by idly with the same old scheme as always.”

 

“I’m sure he’s got a trick or two up his sleeve,” Mak faithfully says. Johnny shoves Hawke off of him and returns to his feet. He’s sweating bullets right now and his neck is stinging. The massive pressure Hawke is giving Johnny has definitely got him on the edge, and he knows he has to do something to get the ball rolling in his direction. He tries to catch Hawke by surprise with a quick, trusty chop, which connects across the Dean’s chest with a loud-

 

*SMACK!* “WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

 

-but Jay almost effortlessly answers back with one of his own…

 

*SMACK!* “WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

 

…and then three more!

 

*SMACK!* “WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

*SMACK!* “WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

*SMACK!* “WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

 

Johnny staggers back, clutching his chest, and he reaches out for the ropes to steady himself. Yet again Hawke has been able to fight off any of the Barracuda’s advances ten-fold and it’s quite literally put the Dean on cloud nine! He knew those match was his from the beginning, but he never imagined he’d be able to take it so painlessly! He heads after Johnny, grabs the Barracuda by his free arm and spins Dangerous around to face him-

 

*WHOOSH!*

 

-and narrowly ducks a wild roundhouse kick from Johnny!

 

“Johnny’s just swinging for the fences there,” comments Francis. The momentum from his reckless kick unintentionally spins the barracuda around, putting his back to his opponent. Hawke grabs around Johnny’s waist, hauls him off the mat and overhead-

 

*WHAM!*

 

-and into the mat with a German suplex! Hawke drops over Dangerous and covers him as Herrington counts for:

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

NO!! Dangerous kicks out! That gets a little bit of a rise out of the fans, right up to the point where Hawke jumps up and raises his arms out to them. The crowd boos all of Hawke’s success but right now it’s starting to get a little ugly as they up the ante with chants aimed at the Dean:

 

“HAWKE SUCKS!”

“HAWKE SUCKS!”

 

“Look at these idiots,” says King. “There all mad because their little hero can’t get his act together and actually put up a halfway decent effort against Jay Hawke. It’s not his fault that he’s proven to be too much for the Barracuda to handle.”

 

“He’s certainly handled the match well thus far,” agrees Mak, “but in Johnny’s defense; it’s hard to get a good footing back into the match when your opponent has had on the ropes this long. I can see how Johnny isn’t giving up… but he isn’t making any gains either!”

 

Finally, Hawke dismisses the crowd with a wave of his hand before turning his attention back towards the Barracuda. By now, Johnny is up to his knees and starting to pull himself the rest of the way up by the ropes when the Dean struts in and grabs Johnny by the arm to pull him up. Dangerous shoves him back, which seems to be about the only thing he can do given his circumstance. Hawke isn’t about to let up that easily though; he quickly storms right back towards the Barracuda and this time when Johnny tries to reach out to shove him back, Hawke side steps it and snatches Johnny by the arm!

 

“He’s going for it already!” Mak shouts as Hawke fights with Johnny for control of the Barracuda’s arm. “Jay Hawke looks like he wants to lock in the Wing Span and go home early!”

 

The Dean continues to fight with Dangerous. He tries to get around to the side to lock in his chicken wing, but Johnny keeps struggling! Finally, Dangerous is able to pull his arm free, but not before taking a knee to the face!

 

*CRACK!*

 

Johnny tumbles backwards then scrambles to try and get back to his feet. Right now he’s proving all the doubters right, and he knows he has to get himself moving. He stands to his feet-

 

*SMACK!* “WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

 

-and takes another searing knife-edged chop from Hawke! He staggers back-

 

*SMACK!* “WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

 

-only to have his chest lit up yet again! The fans, growing tired of Hawke’s success, start up a chant in favor of Johnny Dangerous:

 

“LET’S GO JOHN-NY! LET’S GO!” *CLAP! CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!!*

“LET’S GO JOHN-NY! LET’S GO!” *CLAP! CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!!*

 

However, Hawke still presses on undaunted! He grabs Dangerous by his arm and spins him around to face him! Even though the Barracuda is able to fling a forearm into the side of Hawke’s head, right now it doesn’t even seem to faze him! Hawke swings his fist up and rocks Johnny with an uppercut!

 

*CRACK!*

 

“LET’S GO JOHN-NY! LET’S GO!” *CLAP! CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!!*

“LET’S GO JOHN-NY! LET’S GO!” *CLAP! CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!!*

 

“Come on, Johnny!” cries Francis. “You’re better than this!”

 

Johnny staggers back, falling into the ropes and then is propelled slightly off them, which sends him walking right back into his opponent! Jay throws out another punch, but this time it’s the Dean who sees his fist go whizzing past the Barracuda’s head without even nicking the side of his skull!

 

“There you go! Get him, Johnny! Get him!”

 

The fans gasp with hope as Hawke is thrown slightly off balance and raise up in their seats when Dangerous ducks down and kicks his back leg up, over…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

… and straight into Jay Hawke’s forehead with his trademarked Scorpion Kick!

 

*CRACK!*

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!”

 

“Scorpion Kick! Yes!” Francis exclaims as the crowd erupts into cheers, and Hawke goes stumbling back from the powerful shot!

 

“Damn it! Will you quit coaching him!?”

 

“Oh, like he can actually hear me!” snaps Francis. Johnny takes the one second he has with Hawke dazed to take a knee. It’s only a second, but all the thoughts of what all those who stand against him, trying to claim his time is over with flood his head and it’s enough to infuriate him. Not because of their doubt, but for the simple fact that he nearly proved them to be right! Finally, Johnny Dangerous stands back up, and heads for his opponent!

 

“It’s not like this will matter in the long run,” King says. “He might get a second or two of offense in but Jay’s already shown he can take control back.”

 

Hawke dazedly steps for Johnny. He’s controlled this match all along and he isn’t about to give up this easily. Yes, the scorpion kick is quite painful, but it’s nothing he can’t work through. He waits for Johnny to take that lariat attempt that he just knows the Barracuda can’t resist taking, and it indeed comes. Johnny swings his arm out, and Hawke grabs it! Unfortunately, Hawke’s a little woozy and can’t exactly hold on as tight as he could mere minutes ago, and Dangerous spins free and comes back around with an elbow into the said of the Dean’s head!

 

*CRACK!*

 

Jay wobbles to the side, but refuses to hand over the fight! Hawke comes right back at the Barracuda, only to get a boot to the gut for his efforts! Hawke doubles over and Johnny drops to one knee to cradle the Dean over his shoulder as he collapses. Johnny grabs hold and then stands to his feet with Hawke now trapped in a fireman’s carry as Francis hollers out: “He’s got him trapped for a Spinal Explosion!”

 

The cheers mount heavily in the Barracuda’s favor now, and it only gets louder when Johnny somersaults forward and ferociously drills the Dean’s back into the canvas!

 

*WHAM!*

 

As Dangerous rolls off Hawke, Jay bolts upright and grabs for his back, but he’s shoved back down to the mat by Johnny for a cover. For the first time in a while, Herrington drops to count a pin for the Barracuda and it goes for:

 

ONE!

 

TWO!!

 

NOOO!! Hawke kicks out! He shoves Johnny off him and rolls up to his knees. One hand still holds dearly to his back as he attempts to get back to his feet while silently damning himself for letting this weak adversary get the drop on him! Right now the International Championship is starting to slip away from his fingers and he can’t let that happen!

 

“This is your match, Jay! Don’t let this circus freak take you down!”

 

Johnny pulls Hawke to his feet when the Dean suddenly slaps the Barracuda’s arms away and shoves him back!

 

“Now that’s how you do it!” the Gambling Man sings.

 

Jay stomps to his feet fuming mad… and he doesn’t even see Dangerous raising his leg up or the foot that goes sailing into his gut! Twice now Johnny has managed to knock the wind completely out of the Dean’s lungs, and it forces him to double over, clenching his midsection. This makes for a good situation for Johnny though; Dangerous snatches the Dean in a front face lock and then drapes Hawke’s near arm over his shoulder before grabbing Jay’s tights and falling backwards, lifting him up slightly as they are falling, and snapping Hawke onto his back for a snap suplex!

 

*WHAM!*

 

“Johnny has Jay down again – this could be it!” Mak says as Dangerous floats over for a cover, and the referee counts for:

 

ONE!!

 

 

 

TWO!!!

 

 

 

 

TH-NOOO!!!! Hawke thrusts his shoulder off the mat! Jay sits up and grabs his throbbing back before trying to stand to his feet. Johnny takes a step back; seeing that Hawke’s back seems to be bothering him so much gives Johnny one hell of a good idea and he heads towards his opponent.

 

It’s time to end this.

 

“The Dean got out of that one but Dangerous is making quick work of his back,” the Franchise notes. “He’d be well advised to try and put an end to this and do it quickly, or Johnny Dangerous is going to walk away as the last International Champion!”

 

“It’s not like he isn’t trying!” snaps King. Hawke tries to get up as fast as he possibly can. Right now he’s feeling all the pressure that he exerted against the Barracuda earlier, but he’s now starting to feel his body wearing out. Hawke knows that he absolutely must get control over Dangerous and end this, and so he pushes on to try and accomplish that very goal. However, Dangerous has the same objective and after fighting so hard for control he isn’t about to simply hand it over at this point!

 

Hawke quickly glances over his shoulder to check on his opponent’s position and isn’t at all surprised to find Johnny Dangerous stalking towards him. Panicking, Hawke scrambles across the mat, trying to reach the ropes, but Johnny dives after him and snares the Dean by his ankle! The crowd roars their approval, and even more so when Johnny drags Hawke back to the middle of the ring.

 

“Dangerous is looking to clinch in the Barracuda - his deadly over-the-shoulder half crab,” Francis says, as Johnny tries to clinch the maneuver in and the crowd moves to the edge of their seats to see it locked in. Hawke bucks and flails to try and worm his way free, knowing all to well the dangers of getting trapped in this. Finally, Hawke shakes Johnny off him and then rolls up to his feet before taking off for the far side of the ring.

 

“Now it looks like Jay Hawke is wisely heading for higher ground,” notes Mak. Johnny isn’t as quick to get back into a defensive position as he was earlier and the Dean sees this. Hopefully, Johnny is getting just as worn down as he is and if timed correctly, Hawke can make a finishing blow before Johnny even knows what hit him! Hawke hits the ropes and comes rocketing back towards the Barracuda, looking to land a monstrous lariat!

 

NO! Johnny ducks down to narrowly avoid the clothesline, pops up from behind Hawke and shoots the leg.

 

“This could be the match! He’s going for –” shouts Mak, and Johnny lifts Jay Hawke off the mat, looking for the MI Slam!

 

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-” Mak yells.

 

NOOOOOOO!!! Hawke shoves off of Johnny’s shoulders midway through, landing safely behind Dangerous. Johnny frantically turns around, knowing that he’s in a bad position right now and can’t afford to loose sight of his opponent!

 

*WHAM!*

 

Hawke slams a lariat into the Barracuda’s face! It’s not strong enough to knock Johnny down but it certainly stuns him! Hopefully, it’ll be enough, and Jay grabs hold of Johnny’s arm, but before he can execute whatever plan he has up his sleeve, Dangerous quickly rips his arm free and spins an elbow into the Dean’s face!

 

“Dangerous nearly lost it right there again from carelessness,” Suicide King says. “Talk about not learning from your mistakes!”

 

Hawke staggers a few steps away from his Opponent with both hands to his face, and Dangerous grabs him from behind for a quick German. Johnny lifts but goes nowhere with the intended suplex as Hawke grapevines his leg around the Barracuda’s to keep himself grounded, and then fires off with three rapid elbows!

 

*CRACK!*

*CRACK!*

*CRACK!*

 

Finally, Hawke frees himself with the third shot rocking Johnny’s head on his shoulders. Dangerous reels and Hawke goes after him, flooring the Barracuda with a lariat from behind to send him face-first into the mat. Hawke quickly mounts the secret agent from behind and the crowd rises to their feet. Everyone knows what’s coming up next, even the Barracuda, “-but if Hawke can lock in the Wing Span it’s over with!” Mak Francis shouts. “He almost lost control of this match but some quick thinking has him right back in the thick of it!”

 

He reaches down to lock his arms around Johnny’s face, but Dangerous is more than prepared to try and fight off this threat. He quickly pulls his arms up in front of his face as Hawke snakes his arm around Dangerous’ head.

 

“But not just yet!” Mak shouts in response to his own words. “Johnny pulled his arms up to his face to block Hawke’s deadly submission. He should be able to power out with no problem!”

 

“It’s not quite that easy, though. Yes, the Barracuda is a lot stronger,” the Gambling Man admits, “and can probably pull Hawke’s arm off his face, but it takes a little effort after the grueling match he’s been through.”

 

Again, the crowd chants:

 

“LET’S GO JOHN-NY!”

“LET’S GO JOHN-NY!”

 

“His breaking it,” Mak shouts as the Barracuda finally pries Hawke’s arm off of him, and then rolls over onto his back to get the Dean off of him as well as to avoid any more Wing Span or Dragon Sleeper attempts. Johnny grabs the nearest rope just to be on the safe side, and then uses them to help pull himself back up. He turns away from the ropes, back to the ring-

 

*SMACK!*

 

-only to receive a direct blow to the face! Hawke thinks he has his challenger on the ropes now. One more blow to the face should surely end his struggle and so he winds up once more, follows through, but the Barracuda blocks it this time with his forearm and then-

 

*CRACK!*

 

-Johnny grabs Hawke by the side of the head and smashes the bridge of his nose with a headbutt!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!”

 

“Oh! He’s just reaching now!”

 

And another one! Hawke dazedly staggers backwards, reeling from the head-butts as Dangerous drops to his knees. It’s almost difficult to tell who took more punishment from the headbutt—Dangerous or Hawke—but then Johnny stands back up and charges for the kill!

 

*THHHH-WHACK!*

*THHHH-WHACK!*

 

“Shotei!” Mak shouts, as the Barracuda delivers two palm-strikes that go directly into Hawke’s forehead, right between the eyes, followed by a sharp kick to the Dean’s ribs! The crowd bursts into cheers as Hawke doubles over in pain, only to have Johnny grab him from behind and duck his head under an arm!

 

“He’s going for the MI Slam again! This could finally be over with right here,” Mak says. Johnny lifts Jay Hawke off the mat and pivots on one leg.

 

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-” Mak yells once more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*SLAM!*

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

“HE HIT IT! MI SLAM! MI SLAM!” Mak Francis excitedly shouts. “This could be the match!”

 

Johnny scrambles over Jay Hawke as quick as he possibly can, and then covers him as the referee counts. For the Barracuda, this will hopefully cast away all doubts. He’ll have three things to defend himself with…

 

ONE!!

 

 

He was the last United States Champion…

 

 

TWO!!!

 

 

He was the last Intercontinental Champion…

 

 

THHHHRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

 

*DING DING DING!!!*

 

And now he’s the last International Champion!

 

“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,” Funyon bellows, trying as best as he can to make himself heard over the roar of thousands. “HERE IS YOUR WINNER, AND THE NEW… AND FINAL… SWF INTERNATIONAL CHAMPION… JOHNNY ‘THE BARRACUDA’ DAAAANGEROUUUS!!!”

 

“What a match!” shouts Mak. “Even though Jay Hawke controlled a huge portion of this match and Johnny came back, this could have gone either way in the end. This time, though, it went to Johnny Dangerous.”

 

Johnny can hardly believe it. He’s fought for weeks just to get here. Just for a chance to be in this match. Not only did he get there, but now he’s won it. Herrington heads back into the ring with the International Championship belt in hand. He gives it to Dangerous, and then grabs the Barracuda by his free arm to help stand him up… and raise out his arm triumphantly.

 

“Johnny Dangerous, the man who reigned as the first International Champion is now the last International Champion!” Mak excitedly shouts. “He unified the United States and Intercontinental titles into the International, and now he has earned the chance to unify the International Championship with the World Heavyweight Championship! How about that for proving that he still has what it takes to be at the top of this business!?”

 

“Winning a title that’s defunct the moment he receives it?” Suicide King pessimistically asks in response.

 

He was the first… and now he is the last. Johnny holds the title belt in both hands and raises it out to the fans—its glimmers brightly as the lights pass over the golden plate, and the crowd pops beautifully for it. For Johnny, it’s a moment that will leave a lasting impression in his mind forever…

 

 

As we:

FADE OUT.

[Mad Scientist 0]

Honestly, I know I'm one of the n00bs, but the only flaw I saw in your match was a decided dearth of halibut. Before I read Maddix's match, I wouldn't have even known that was a flaw. I need to come up with a good submission hold employing halibut.

 

 

Or other people? Tell me where I totally screwed up and junk and like whatnot and some other stuff.

 

Match ahoy!

[Guest WhollyChao]

I liked your match a great deal, Drea. It seemed to me that the two matches were fairly even.

 

The stuff with the referee was wonderful, it was a delight every time he made a move.

 

It was actually one of your more coherent matches, as far as structure and flow. It seemed a little less chaotic than other matches of yours I've read.

 

I know that King's not Landon's biggest fan, but he was exceptionally cruel towards Maddix in this match. Not saying it wasn't justified, but it just stuck out to me.

 

I think the major fault in the match was it's lack of hardcore action. You had the bits with the chair, but that was about it. I'm no one to tell you how to write a hardcore match, but I just kept wanting Jimmy and Landon to mix it up with some random and seemingly useless weapons.

 

Other than that, I thought it was a very good match. It would have been a hard match to mark.

 

Johnny's match reviewed tomorrow!

 

 

[Secret Agent 0]

Johnny's match reviewed tomorrow!

 

Thanks, I'm sure your review will be a lot more realistic and insightful. I've already been told that my match was superior in writting quality, but that apparently counts for nothing in a creative writting-match writting contest. Strange, isn't it?

[chirs3 0]

Johnny's match reviewed tomorrow!

 

Thanks, I'm sure your review will be a lot more realistic and insightful. I've already been told that my match was superior in writting quality, but that apparently counts for nothing in a creative writting-match writting contest. Strange, isn't it?

 

Johnny, Angry Johnnyyyyy... this is jezebel, in he-...

 

... yes, I was quoting Poe.

 

Anyway, I believe my exact words were... hang on a moment:

 

highres3 (11:34:12 PM): The quality of the wrestling match comes first.

 

And then later on, to clarify:

 

highres3 (11:44:32 PM): And I know there's a story involved. As I have said to you and others, the hard decision I had to make when I started marking was "Do I pick the better story, or do I pick the better match?"

Lord of the Spy (11:44:54 PM): The better match is all things considered

highres3 (11:45:01 PM): And I firmly believe that while story is important, when marking matches, then the match gets the most weight.

highres3 (11:45:08 PM): All things are considered, but some have more weight than others.

 

Which is where I gave it to Hawke. If you are going by quality of writing - as in, how many angry red marks would an English teacher make about grammar mispellings and general abuse of the English language, then yes, Johnny's is better. But I think the actual wrestling match put forth in Hawke's was far superior to yours, and that's what carried the most weight in my decision.

[Secret Agent 0]

Johnny's match reviewed tomorrow!

 

Thanks, I'm sure your review will be a lot more realistic and insightful. I've already been told that my match was superior in writting quality, but that apparently counts for nothing in a creative writting-match writting contest. Strange, isn't it?

 

Johnny, Angry Johnnyyyyy... this is jezebel, in he-...

 

... yes, I was quoting Poe.

 

Anyway, I believe my exact words were... hang on a moment:

 

highres3 (11:34:12 PM): The quality of the wrestling match comes first.

 

And then later on, to clarify:

 

highres3 (11:44:32 PM): And I know there's a story involved. As I have said to you and others, the hard decision I had to make when I started marking was "Do I pick the better story, or do I pick the better match?"

Lord of the Spy (11:44:54 PM): The better match is all things considered

highres3 (11:45:01 PM): And I firmly believe that while story is important, when marking matches, then the match gets the most weight.

highres3 (11:45:08 PM): All things are considered, but some have more weight than others.

 

Which is where I gave it to Hawke. If you are going by quality of writing - as in, how many angry red marks would an English teacher make about grammar mispellings and general abuse of the English language, then yes, Johnny's is better. But I think the actual wrestling match put forth in Hawke's was far superior to yours, and that's what carried the most weight in my decision.

 

I disagree.

[Sly 0]

As I told Raynor, I felt that the decision to pick Landon's match was a hard one. Hit me up on AIM Drea and I will discuss it in full with you, if you'd like.

[JHawk 0]

For the record, Johnny, having read your match, I would not have argued had yours gotten the victory. Very nice job.

[Guest WhollyChao]

Johnny's match:

 

I'm not exactly sure how insightful I'll be, but I read both matches and I'll do my best to review yours.

 

First off, I thought yours was a much more solid match. Meaning, it seemed more like an actual big title match in an actual professional wrestling company. Everything seemed to be where it needed to be in the match, as far as highs and lows.

 

Something I thought worked against you that may not have made a difference to anyone else, was your expression of Johnny's thoughts in-match. Not through the commentators or in quotes, but just stuck in the middle of the match. In particular was this "It’s only a second, but all the thoughts of what all those who stand against him, trying to claim his time is over with flood his head and it’s enough to infuriate him. Not because of their doubt, but for the simple fact that he nearly proved them to be right!” You didn't do it a lot, but when I read it it made me stop and wonder why that was necessary.

 

Ok, here's another thing that I KNOW only bugged me. "LET’S GO JOHN-NY! LET’S GO!” *CLAP! CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!!* Yeah, it's just a rhythm thing. It should be either:

 

"LET'S GO JOHN-NY! LET'S GO!" *CLAP! CLAP!*

 

or

 

"LET'S GO JOHNNY!" *CLAP! CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!*

 

Again, I'm sure that bugged only me, maybe 'cause I'm a musician, but it did. The Irish have more rhythm than that.

 

It seemed as though Mak was far too in favor of Johnny winning. Granted it's supposed to be the classic "Face/Heel" dichotomy on commentary, but the face on commentary is supposed to be more of a neutral face. Wasn't Mak a heel when he wrestled, anyway?

 

I mentioned it on Skull Radio, but I still feel that Johnny had a much better motivation in-character than Jay Hawke, but that honestly doesn't matter when it comes down to marking a match. It's not "Well who's character would it do more good to win this match?" It's which match was better. However, the inclusion of that motivation when written into the match made for a very strong pull towards Johnny's character. I guess what I'm trying to say is that because of the way you wrote out Johnny's reasoning for wanting to win (besides just championship gold and a title shot), it made me want Johnny to win the match. Just some good business.

 

I dunno, Johnny. I liked your match. Upon re-reading Jay Hawke's match, his wasn't half bad either. You had things working against you, Jay Hawke had an inexplicable title belt and commentator. I can certainly see how it would have been difficult to choose. Then again, there's two reasons I should never mark a match myself, 1. I couldn't be trusted to actually read it, and 2. I'm insane.

 

That's my two cents, for what little it's worth. Hope you could get something out of it.

 

 

[Secret Agent 0]

Thanks or your thoughts.

[HollywoodSpikeJenkins 0]

Boy, I do love my ham sandwich. It is so good. Let me show everyone.

 

 

Hammy ham ham ham!

Edited June 30, 2007 by Justice

[King Cucaracha 0]

I wish that wasn't Justice's only contribution to the fed. Just one of them.

[HollywoodSpikeJenkins 0]

Blah blah blah, ham sandwich. Yeah, we get it.