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Nighthawk

I'm scared.

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Milky, just to let you know: I'm neva gonna call yo ass, baby!

 

We still got that other thing going, though, cause we be niggas, my dawg.

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I don't talk on the phone because I am not engaging on the phone. All of my personality lies in the combination of my facial expressions and what I am saying and how I am saying it. So basically I suck ass over the phone...so fuck that.

 

 

But Milky's number is in my cellphone now in case I get bored one day .

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Guest •

My phone voice has improved by leaps and bounds this summer. It's stronger and not as raspy. Maybe I'll call Milky if I can summon my new mighty phone voice, but I might be so intimidated that I'll regress. As if he'd want to talk to me anyway. I'm not that interesting.

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I speak in a complete and utter monotone all of the time, my phone voice is basically exactly the same as my normal voice.

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Yeah, you're right, Czech, I actually hate you and am solely responsible for you being kept out of the secret board. No, I like you, that's not true.

You people would be surprised how approachable and easy to talk to I am. In everyday life too, complete strangers just open up to me. My favorite: "Hey, man, can I bum a cigarette? I just found out my wife is fucking my best friend." My GG Allin shirts often prompt conversation with street punks, and now that I've gotten a tattoo of him, I've been bowed to, given money, drugs and beer. By homeless people. Homeless people gave ME money. I think that's awesome.

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My phone voice is like Larenz Tates. If you have seen Crash, the black guy that wasn't Ludacris. Actually thats my real voice too. I don't hear it like that but when I hear a recording of my voice I always think I sound like shit.

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My phone voice is like Larenz Tates. If you have seen Crash, the black guy that wasn't Ludacris. Actually thats my real voice too. I don't hear it like that but when I hear a recording of my voice I always think I sound like shit.

 

The black guy that wasn't Ludacris... so Don Cheadle?

 

If you want to try to explain who Larenz Tate is, all you have to say is O-Dog from Menace II Society.

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My phone voice is like Larenz Tates. If you have seen Crash, the black guy that wasn't Ludacris. Actually thats my real voice too. I don't hear it like that but when I hear a recording of my voice I always think I sound like shit.

 

The black guy that wasn't Ludacris... so Don Cheadle?

 

If you want to try to explain who Larenz Tate is, all you have to say is O-Dog from Menace II Society.

 

 

Yeah, but that wasn't his real voice in that movie. he was trying to do some Cali gangbanger voice and it wouldn't be a good comparision.

 

The best comparison would be Love Jones, but seriously, how many people here have seen love jones.

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He was so funny in that movie. That movie in general is balls out hilarious.

 

"Any ya'll want a hamburger? I got it from that basehead."

 

" Hey, man, who the fuck gonna be old out there at twelve o'clock at night, bitch? Shit, nigga, I'll smoke anybody, nigga. I just don't give a fuck. Shit. I'm gonna hit this shit, nigger.

Look, all right, not me, all right? I'm not killing no kids.

Hey, you know what, nigger? You acting like a little bitch right now. You acting real paranoid and shit. Now, these motherfuckers smoked your goddam cousin in front of you, nigga! Blew his head off in front of your face, and you ain't gonna do shit? You acting like a little bitch right now, nigga. Man, fuck that. I ain't letting that shit ride. We gonna go in and smoke all these motherfuckers. I don't care who the fuck out there. Goddamn it, is you down, nigger?

Man, both of y'all shut the fuck up. Both of y'all acting like some motherfucking bitches. Shit. Scared to peel these punk-ass nigga's cap. Now, give me my motherfucking joint, nigga. "

 

"I'm pregnant.

Well, what the fuck you tellin' me for?

What? So you just gonna dog me?

It ain't mine.

Look, you the only one I was with!

Stop lying, alright? Besides, I had the jimmy on extra tight."

 

"You know you done fucked up, don't you? You know it, don't you? You know you done fucked up. "

 

"What's up, black man?

Coolin'. Man, why you got that goddamn hood on your head, lookin' like the Grim Reaper?

It's cold out here, my brother. You know us black folks not used to this cold air. We a tropical people, you understand? Let them Europeans deal with this madness.

Then why your tropical ass sittin' on the goddamn cooler?

To keep you fools from drinking this poison. That's why.

Man, you better get your Shelenkem-Shilom ass up off this box and pass me a motherfuckin' brew. "

 

I'm gonna watch that right now. No, I'm not working today.

 

 

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My phone voice is like Larenz Tates. If you have seen Crash, the black guy that wasn't Ludacris. Actually thats my real voice too. I don't hear it like that but when I hear a recording of my voice I always think I sound like shit.

 

The black guy that wasn't Ludacris... so Don Cheadle?

 

If you want to try to explain who Larenz Tate is, all you have to say is O-Dog from Menace II Society.

 

 

Yeah, but that wasn't his real voice in that movie. he was trying to do some Cali gangbanger voice and it wouldn't be a good comparision.

 

The best comparison would be Love Jones, but seriously, how many people here have seen love jones.

 

Problay just me and you. Nia Long is so incredibly hot with longer hair.

 

But thinking about it, Tate's been in a lot of movies. You could say Quincy Jones from Ray, he was also Vin Diesel's sidekick in A Man Apart, and of course... DEAD PRESIDENTS!

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Oh yeah...everyone loves Dead Presidents.

 

I was just trying to avoid saying Ford Lincoln Mercury in The Postman.

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Guest Vitamin X

I think my normal voice sounds like Quentin Tarantino. I talk extremely fast (because of my Spanish, although that's the only hint of an accent in English- I only have an accent if I've been drinking and thus speaking it a whole lot like last night) but my pitch changes with the time of day. In the early part of the day and towards the end, it tends to be deeper than in the middle of the day.

 

I talked to Milky for, oh, 30 seconds or so a couple years back, I think. He was drinking, I forget what I said, although it wasn't memorable outside of that Milky laughed about it.

 

Now that I think I have more to talk with him about, I'll give an extended conversation.

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Yeah, you're right, Czech, I actually hate you and am solely responsible for you being kept out of the secret board. No, I like you, that's not true.

You people would be surprised how approachable and easy to talk to I am. In everyday life too, complete strangers just open up to me. My favorite: "Hey, man, can I bum a cigarette? I just found out my wife is fucking my best friend." My GG Allin shirts often prompt conversation with street punks, and now that I've gotten a tattoo of him, I've been bowed to, given money, drugs and beer. By homeless people. Homeless people gave ME money. I think that's awesome.

I rode behind a record store on my skateboard, and a guy asked me if I wanted to buy some weed. (This was before I started) I politely declined, and he said something that totally made my day: "You're the first skater to ever say no."

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You say "ironically" like I'm some huge drug addict.

I do remember fucked up Jingus though, you were actually quite articulate, if slurred. You also gave me Marney's number, which she changed immediately upon finding out I had it. I was honored.

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You say "ironically" like I'm some huge drug addict.

It's ironic considering the drug I was on was one that you'd sort of acted as Kenobi-esque mentor for me.

 

I do remember fucked up Jingus though, you were actually quite articulate, if slurred. You also gave me Marney's number, which she changed immediately upon finding out I had it. I was honored.

Is that why her damn number never worked? Huh, I'd been wondering that for two years now.

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God, I want to fuck her. I want to to fuck her right in her pussy licked pussy. Go on, stick your strap on in my asshole. I'm ready. You're all a bunch of assholes. Anybody here got my new album called "Eat My Fuck"? Eat my fucking diarrhea. Faggots.

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I'll give you a call, if only to talk about the giant Cthulhu I've been seeing in my dreams.

Apparently, I have a Cthulhu Cultist Hunting Permit and he's got his eyes on me for that.

Oooh, I get shivers just talking about it.

 

 

 

 

It's like, "What's that all about, ya know?"

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Giant Cthulhu is the only kind of Cthulhu there is.

 

I have had many a dream of smaller Cthulhu's. Like a little village of them, about the size of smurfs.

 

They like Aquafina water baths, and MST3K reruns.

 

They hail me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And my wrist watch.

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