Dumb Injuries

[Guest Beastalentier]

Pretty self-explanatory exercise. Post your dumb injuries.

 

Here's one from Tuesday. I was sitting at the desk when out of nowhere, the light bulb on my touch lamp blew out. So I went to go see what kind of bulb I needed, but instead of checking out the bulb (not Byron The Bulb) that just blew out, I consulted the lamp on my nightstand instead, which had been on for several hours. So after ascertaining that I needed a 25-watt bulb, I reached down to pick a sock up off the floor, I don't know why, and the back of my left middle finger hit top of the light bulb, which was poking out over the lampshade, and I burned the hell out of it and there's a big blister there now. It would actually be less ridiculous if the anecdote were "I wondered how hot light bulbs got, so I touched one."

 

During my senior year of high school, I played Matthew Harrison Brady in my high school's production of Inherit the Wind. If you're familiar with the play, you know that it's based on the Scopes trial, and I was portraying the fictional stand-in for William Jennings Bryan, who died after the trial. However, Brady dies in the courthouse, which means I had to do a stage fall. Unfortunately, I'm a bad actor, capable only of playing exaggerated versions of myself, and the stage fall is a move that falls, as it were, beyond my repertoire. So instead of doing a stage fall, I decided to do a fall fall. I fell forward and banged my head on the floor so hard that my head would bounce back on contact. It was a huge hit (again with the word choices) with the audiences, though my director and castmates were skeptical of the ramifications of such a maneuver. On the final performance, my executive decision to legit hurt myself stopped paying off, because I hit the ground harder than usual and hit my head really hard. Now after I die, everyone is supposed to carry me off the stage, but on this evening, one of the freshman girls playing an extra did not grab the best hold of me and dropped me, causing my head to hit the floor an unexpected second time. Still, they loved me in my role, so what's a little head trauma.

 

The injury isn't totally my fault, but the circumstances I put myself in are such that it's still a dumb injury. Dateline: March 1999. All through middle school, my friends and I had a backyard wrestling federation on my neighbor's backyard trampoline. However, the winter season would relocate us from the bouncy confines of the trampoline to the cold hard basement, where mattresses and flip-and-fucks composed the canvas, barstools as turnbuckles, and duct tape as ropes. Any remaining square feet of carpeted concrete were covered with cardboard. God, I'm alliterating so fucking hard, ugh, damn. Anyway, costumes were very much a part of our production, and one of my designated wrestlers was Rowdy Roddy Piper, for whom I wore what we'll call an ersatz kilt. I forgot who my opponent was. Possibly La Parka or Ultimo Dragon. So I was being suplexed, but my foot slipped on the slippery cardboard surface, I took a bad suplex, and I fractured my wrist, putting me in a cast for six weeks. We deviated from our meticulous choreography and he got an easy pin. Naturally, we taped all our matches, so the five of us just sat and watched me break my arm for like half an hour. Though the pain wasn't severe (I just couldn't move my hand very well), the treatment I received was less than stellar. It amounted to being given ice cream to cheer me up. So after we were done watching me get hurt, I just sat around, glum that I was probably going to need the first cast of my life. I hadn't switched back into street clothes yet. My friend's older sister walks into the house, and asks "what's wrong with your arm?" I said "I think it might be broken." She then looked at my costume and asked "okay, but why are you wearing my skirt?"

[Jingus 0]

A bit over three years ago, my indy wrestling fed had abruptly lost its building. The shady owner had apparently declared bankruptcy or something, so the bank was foreclosing on his property. We found out about this on Thursday, and our weekly shows were on Friday. Saying we were pretty bummed out is an understatement, since we'd been in that crappy little place for two years and loved it. That Friday, the building wasn't locked up and we could get inside, but there was no running water for the bathrooms. This meant we couldn't run a show, because building codes say we gotta have working restrooms, and the rival promoters are always eager to rat out their competition on shit like that. So instead we just get all the workers to go to the building, and shoot a whole shitload of promos and vignettes for our TV show.

 

Anyway, I lived literally right up the street, so I always got there super-early and ended up sitting around bored for a while. When I'm bored, I do weird shit to amuse myself. I was laying on the ring apron underneath the ropes, and reached up and grabbed them, hanging upside-down in an impression of a tree sloth. Well, in the ring "practicing" was a trainee we all called Baby Brock, because he looked just like Lesnar's fat little brother. For reasons that remain unknown to this day, he wandered over to me and hooked my foot in some kind of shoot hold as I hung upside down. POP went my ankle, followed by a lot of cursing. It wasn't too bad, I could walk on it, but the only way I knew that was because it was my good ankle, having horrifically blown the other one out in college gymnastics class years back.

 

And that was the start of the night. I had to run around refereeing an empty-arena match, had to leap out of a giant cardboard box in a Christmas skit, and all kinds of other stuff. I've been beaten up pretty good a lot of times in rasslin', but that was the most inexplicable and inexcusable injury I ever got.

[DrVenkman PhD 0]

I've always been tall so I've had my fair share of walking directly into things due to not paying attention (most painful I can recall is turning around and walking dead on into a large metal "door thing" (I don't what to technically call it - but I guess it makes it so the door closes really slow).

 

I walked into the back wing of a plane at an air show when I was young, presumably because I was looking in another direction and continued walking forward with my friends. I have a small mark on my forehead which I've always believed is a direct result of that.

 

I can't count the amount of times my long legs have banged into hidden partitions under desks at work when I move around in my chair.

 

Going back to my youth again, I had friends over and was the guy sleeping on the floor. At some point during the night I ended up under the fold out couch and, apparently forgetting my surroundings when I woke up, quickly raised my head to check the clock and hit the metal bar of the sofa bed dead on. I think I actually knocked myself out (or was still tired) because the blow caused me to immediately go back to sleep.

 

On a trip to Minnesota with a friend, we stopped at a bowling alley before heading off to see the Tigers / Twins game. I noticed the floor wasn't very slippery and felt a bit stiff but regardless tried to slide and follow through with my first throw. I came to a sudden stop and fell right to the ground, temporarily knocking the wind out of me and having hurt ribs for about 4 days.

 

In grade 9 drama we had to choreograph a fight scene using the dramatic tools they gave us (fake slaps, stair falls, etc.). Because wrestling was what I knew, that's how I framed out play. I decided, "Yeah, I know how to run onto an acting block, leap with an elbow, safely land on my knees and roll to make it look real". I actually had practiced the sequence and could pull it off as well as a 14 year old my size could have, but we had a slight problem when the teacher suddenly told my partner and I we needed to accommodate someone who for reasons I can't remember had no partner on the day of our performance. I wrote in a referee / pre-match announcer role for him and he also took it upon himself to set-up the stage (since he wasn't doing any physical work), but since he didn't know our routine or why we were using a block, he set it up on the side that has 4 small legs (before this, I didn't even know the blocks had these) which made the balance for someone running and leaping off of it very poor. So the big finishing sequence comes up, I run to the block, jump on it, and BOOM - the block tips and I'm on the stage in pain. I manage to roll to where I was supposed to be while I hear a student say "that didn't look fake!". My partner kind of stood around not knowing what to make of the situation but whispered for him to just finish (which I think involved him stepping on me, then 'tripping' and rolling down the stairs). I couldn't even stand to be declared the winner.

[King Kamala 0]

I hate it whenever I'm bouncing a basketball and when the ball bounces up, it accidentally hits me in the nuts. I swear this happens at least twice a year to me. Always knocks the wind out of me for a good 15 minutes.

 

I wonder if that's ever happened in an NBA game....

 

 

[Brett Favre 0]

Maybe bouncing the ball and jamming your finger..

 

Playing two hand touch football, we came out with this great wide receiver double reverse option throw. Well I came out to the flat from the backfield, waited for throw, and got it, except that when I caught it, my opponent smacked the shit out of my lip while trying to smack the ball away. I went right past him and there was no one else ahead of me so I got the easy TD. After I dropped the ball, I grabbed my mouth and saw a bunch of blood on my hand. I started spitting out blood for a little bit, but at least my teeth were good. My top lip looked like Jay-Z's bottom lip. I rather get jacked up and get up to see the whole field spinning (which has also happened) than get smacked on the lip like that.

 

Another one was when I was like 4 I was jumping on my bed singing some song about monkeys jumping on the bed (I don't remember the words) and I dislocated my elbow.

 

In Venezuela when I was 6 I was scared of this dog cause he barked really loud so I ran across the other side of the street then ran home, tripped feel right on the edge of the sidewalk and busted the shit out of my ear.

 

This isn't stupid but I got hit with I'm pretty sure was a 90 MPH fast ball right on my shin. There's still a bump there.

[Guest Beastalentier]

I hate it whenever I'm bouncing a basketball and when the ball bounces up, it accidentally hits me in the nuts.

I'm trying to visualize this, but I can't, unless the ball has a mind of its own and decides to take an errant bounce from your hand to your nuts.

 

[King Kamala 0]

I'm not sure how the hell it happens. Maybe a bad bounce or something. All I know is it's nearly ruined my desire to shoot hoops in the backyards.

[Ravenbomb 0]

This wasn't one of mine, but it's still dumb. My sister and her friends were goofing around and she decided it was a good idea to jump over a tennis net. She broke her wrist.

[garfieldsnose 0]

I didn't want my friend in high school to kick a 3rd homerun in kickball. As the girl pitched the ball, I jumped in front of the kick. Ball hit my eye. I blacked out for a minute as my head smacked the floor. I woke up and blinked my eye and contact fell out. So did blood. I couldn't see out of it. Thought I was gonna need surgery. Ambulance came to the nurse's office, did tests on me. Took me to the hospital where they left me in a waiting room for an hour. Family came. Turns out had a popped blood vessel in the back of my head seeping through my eye. Can get glaucoma in the future.

[Jingus 0]

I'm not sure how the hell it happens. Maybe a bad bounce or something. All I know is it's nearly ruined my desire to shoot hoops in the backyards.

It's in the spin. Basketballs have a habit of bouncing in random directions if they're spinning when they hit the ground.

[Guest Beastalentier]

I didn't want my friend in high school to kick a 3rd homerun in kickball. As the girl pitched the ball, I jumped in front of the kick.

This could've been a Mundane Sports Achievement.

[strummer 0]

Basketball to the nuts has happened to me several times.

 

 

During freshman Orientation in college (summer of 97) we were doing some lame "teamwork"/"peer leader" game (something to do with running relays and a volleyball or something) and I got a real bad cramp in my leg. So bad that I thought I had a broken leg. I fell to the ground in front of my entire team and temporarily stopped the game.

 

Once cut my finger pretty bad trying to open up a can of nacho cheese. It drew blood. Think this was in Junior High. About 92 or so.

 

Sliced open my leg trying to climb a fence in my back yard

 

 

[Red Baron 0]

Not really an injury, but I was riding my bike to the video store and I wasn't paying attention and rode right into the street lamp. Flew over the handle bars and got some nasty scrapes.

 

A dumb injury that happened to me was I was holding a door open for someone in gym class and my fingers were between the door and the wall and the door shut on my fingers. My fingers got trapped and I pulled my fingers out causing nerve damage in my right index finger which I still don't have any feeling.

 

I also ricochet a golf ball over the tree and it struck me right in the leg. Gave me a nice welt.

[Copper Feel 0]

My knee dislocated when I was 10 because a 126 pound kid in my class fell onto it during the course of a playfight.

 

All of my other dislocations have just come whilst I've been walking. That's kind of odd.

[Frosty 0]

I got drunk one night at a kegger and tripped UP a flight of stairs and broke my index finger..... I didn't realize it till I woke up the next morning with a finge3r that was 2x the normal size. I still have a lump on my finger where I never got it properly set.

[Golgo 13 0]

TL;DR injury history. Because everything is dumb.

 

I was playing catch and lapsed for a moment, during which the ball short hopped off the street, came up and smacked my lower lip, causing it to bruise and swell for a week.

 

Playing basketball in PE one time, I took a shoulder to the face when I dropped my head as the guy I was guarding began to drive, resulting in a busted and possibly broken nose which bled out for the rest of the period and was swollen for a while after, never bothering to get it checked out.

 

Smacking the back of my head into a steel pole after a lay-up during a basketball game, knocking myself out briefly.

 

We always played football during lunch. In the span of a week I was kneed in the head during a tackle, got upended and dropped on the back of my head and later had the full weight of someone else drop down on my head and neck, each one worsening the concussion I got the first time. It was pretty dumb not to get some rest, after the last I said 'fuck it' and went to the sideline, totally out of it and going on to fall asleep before someone snapped me out of it and deciding to head home. And though no one was really at fault nor was it dumb, just because this one kid was this fat, annoying white trash fuck who had this permanent BO stench, one time during football, this guy got me by the legs and landed on my foot during a tackle, resulting in a sprained ankle which lingered for a month, at least, and never really healed properly.

 

We were messing around outside at midnight or so once. Naturally, while heading down this hill while running, I forgot about my friend's skate rail and tripped, landing on my face on the concrete.

 

I wanted to hurry home during a rainstorm in the middle of the night on my bike. Of course I slid out, came to a stop and lingered home, covered in cuts, scrapes and road rash shit, and got a cold from being out in the rain. When I was younger I did basically the same thing during a sunny day, cutting up my knee bad when I lost my footing on the pedal.

 

Fucking up my shoulder when jumping my dirt bike off this sketchy homemade ramp and crashing.

 

While exiting a station wagon before it came to a complete stop during a school thing, the back tire rolled over my foot. I wasn't really injured, though I was put on crutches and made the BUTT of jokes the rest of the year for being such a dumbass.

 

Our elementary field was total shit. It wasn't suitable for anyone and was completely covered in gravel and prickers. Against better judgment I was always there, scraping up my arms and legs constantly whenever I fell. The scars were there for a while, but are mostly gone now.

 

Sliced the back of my head/ear open after catching the corner of the coffee table.

 

Messed up my knee when trying to jump and clear a hill, down to the sidewalk. Years later I tried another stupid jump off the roof of a single story and messed my knee up again.

 

Tripped and messed myself up trying to do a single jump onto the top of a fence and taking a header there.

 

Took a header while riding my bike down the steps leading up to my house.

 

Fell off the porch of that same house, seven or eight feet onto a leftover stump and knocking the wind out of myself. Lasted a while before I could breathe proper again.

 

While sliding around on newly waxed floors, I came into the baseboard and messed my foot up, the entire thing was bruised and swollen for two weeks after.

 

While messing around with my cousin, he pushed me and I fell. I tried to catch myself and broke my forearm/wrist. Had a bulky cast for the rest of the summer/beginning of the school year.

 

Finally I was running through the house like a jackass, and while going through the back I slipped, bumping into this heavy cellar door being held up by a chain and jarring it loose. As my thumb hung over the step, down comes the door onto my hand, slicing open my thumb. I had to go to the hospital to get stitches and was bawling most of the way there, though being able to see down to the bone was pretty cool. The knuckle sticks out now and the scar is still there.

 

Part of me wishes I had a cool appendage length scar. Like, elbow to wrist. That would have to be a good story.

[Mecha Mummy 0]

I don't know if it's really an injury as such, but I chipped my tooth... by attempting to drink from a bottle of water and apparently forgetting to tilt my head back, or I hadn't tipped it back far enough. So the tip of it hit my tooth.

 

Better yet, this happened on my birthday. And isn't something that requires dental work to fix the best present of all?

[Retard Girl 0]

Another one was when I was like 4 I was jumping on my bed singing some song about monkeys jumping on the bed (I don't remember the words) and I dislocated my elbow.

 

 

10 little monkeys were jumping on the bed

one fell down and bumped his head

momma took him to the doctor and the doctor said

"no more monkeyss jumping on the bed!"

 

....at least from what i know from my own kids.

 

 

 

and speaking of kids, two of my favourite "dumb injury" stories involve my kids and play wrestling. once i was trading fake punches with my oldest, who was four at the time (i think, maybe three). my oldest is a huge kid and posesses the freaky retard strength... i said to him "you can punch me better than that, give it your best shot!"

 

he did. little booger punked me out! much to the amusement of those who were watching. kid left a nice lump on the side of my chin. he was all apologizing, i was all "oomph, you get what you ask for."

 

 

second one involved my little kid. he likes wrestling more than the older one. we were doing fake headbutts. he did one unannounced and unexpectedly... headbutted my lower lip. which got cut pretty bad on my front teeth. my lip was swollen for a week. i thought it was pretty cool actually. because i'm a fun mom.

[Guest Tzar Lysergic]

I hurt my lip real bad with a mousetrap on a dare.

[snuffbox 0]

The first time I broke my nose was a backyard wrestling mishap. Clothesline right to the face by a considerably larger pal.

 

The stupidest thing I have ever done (and I really hope to never trump this) took place back in the late summer of 2001. I stopped by my dad's house in the country with a couple friends. We were going to just hang out and all, then they would leave and I would spend a night or two there. Unfortunately, the doors were all locked when we got there. This annoyed me greatly as it was known that I would be arriving and would not have a key. There were still plenty of reasonable options left, though. Call him to see when he'd be back to open a door, find a window to sneak in, wait around outside, forget the plans and go elsewhere, etc. Since this is my dumb injury story, none of those choices were picked. I decided to punch my way in via the window in a side door. I felt something of a pinch on my arm and decided not to look at it. The others with me heard the winow breaking and, upon quick investigation, demanded to look at my arm. It didn't look like it felt very good. I made it to the hospital just as I was starting to go into shock from loss of blood. Exciting times. Now I have a few scars on my wrist area that will never go away. I look like a psychotic self-loather but really I'm just kinda retarded some days.

[Guest Beastalentier]

Good storytelling, all. What Geedorah lacked in storytelling he made up for in sheer breadth. Holy fuck, dude. At what point do you start abusing sedatives just to incapacitate yourself and prevent yourself from getting hurt out in the world? I just hope a second guy admits to having donned a Catholic schoolgirl miniskirt so I feel less lonely on that front. I think "I punched a window to enter a house" is the frontrunner thus far.

[justsoyouknow 0]

I broke my ankle at a Halloween party dressed as Jesus and fell into the pool, becoming the brunt of "I thought Jesus could walk on water" jokes. I stuck my ankle in the bucket full of ice and stood there, Captain Morgan style, until the keg was done. Went to the hospital the next morning. It still hurts when it's cold outside, or if I put too much weight on it, and I've got gnarly scars all over my foot now, but damn it was worth it in the boatload of painkillers they gave me.

[Henry Spencer 0]

I have another backyard wrestling related injury. When I was, oh, I'd say twelve or thirteen, I was engaged in a tag team match pitting my neighbor and I, the virtuous faces, against two neighborhood "bullies" that had been terrorizing our federation and dominating our championships. I found myself doubled over in (kayfabe) pain from some kind of blow to the stomach, when suddenly I became aware of some unknown pressure from above forcing my head very quickly to the ground. In the time between coming out of my concussed daze and going to the hospital to have my nose returned to its original orientation on my face and the cut on my forehead stitched up, I found out that I had been the victim of an unplanned Rocker Dropper.

[Brett Favre 0]

Another one was when I was like 4 I was jumping on my bed singing some song about monkeys jumping on the bed (I don't remember the words) and I dislocated my elbow.

 

 

10 little monkeys were jumping on the bed

one fell down and bumped his head

momma took him to the doctor and the doctor said

"no more monkeyss jumping on the bed!"

 

....at least from what i know from my own kids.

 

That's definitely the song. Pretty funny song considering that it's telling you not to jump on the bed.

[Golgo 13 0]

Good storytelling, all. What Geedorah lacked in storytelling he made up for in sheer breadth. Holy fuck, dude. At what point do you start abusing sedatives just to incapacitate yourself and prevent yourself from getting hurt out in the world? I just hope a second guy admits to having donned a Catholic schoolgirl miniskirt so I feel less lonely on that front. I think "I punched a window to enter a house" is the frontrunner thus far.

 

Because it wasn't fit for the topic I neglected to mention the numerous other sprains and twists while playing sports that have contributed to screwing over my knees and ankles. I can probably look forward to some major surgery sometime later. I also forgot about falling out of a tree when I was six, but all that happened there was a lump on the head. It seems I hit my head a lot.

 

What I figured during the roof jump was that since I had previously jumped off the top of a playground jungle gym thing into soft sand and came through unscathed, the roof must be safe since they were roughly the same height.

 

I'm not really as clumsy and accident prone as it seems, though, and I always figured my entire history was a standard one. I've generally managed to avoid injury once I gained the foresight that stuff like jumping off roofs and playing through concussions wasn't smart. Thankfully my flirtations with skateboarding and BMX ended quick and that I never got into backyard wrestling, otherwise I might've broken my neck by now. Maybe it's something of a minor miracle that I've never had a major freak injury since that giant station wagon or the cellar door could've done a lot more damage, but didn't. It's also why I don't drink that often or that much since I know I'll do something really stupid eventually.

[justsoyouknow 0]

Wait, TaigaStar convinced someone to have sex with her?

[Retard Girl 0]

twice.

[Slayer 0]

but was it the same guy twice or two different guys

[Bruiser_Brody_ 0]

http://forums.thesmartmarks.com/index.php?...post&id=671

 

http://forums.thesmartmarks.com/index.php?...post&id=670

 

My pictures from accidently lighting myself on fire

[Retard Girl 0]

but was it the same guy twice or two different guys

 

 

one guy, two times.