What's the worst

[Dandy 0]

Charleston, WV used to have the Charleston Wheelers, a play on the sternwheel boats prevalent in the city. That was not a bad name at all, but they switched it to the Alley Cats, and after losing that team, gained a new team called the West Virginia Power. The name is from Appallachian Power, the local utility affiliate of AEP. I do like the name Power Park, but the team name is pretty stupid.

 

That said, I have heard much worse, and there are some good (bad?) names in this thread. On the same vein as Minneapolis>L.A. Lakers, the Jazz moving from New Orleans to Utah was a horrible time to keep a team's name in tact.

[Nightwing 0]

how so? it's a bear on a nationwide tour of fucking shit up

Yeah, a pudgy bear with a Hawaiian doesn't really scream "I'm going to fuck things up!" to me. I like the artistic style on the logo (I hate the "Photoshop Clean" logos so many new teams have), but "Tourists" is just such a weird choice.

 

Czech: Worse than "Iowa Chops"? I mean, it's not long, but that's a lot of shittiness in only a few syllables.

[Cheech Tremendous 0]

I'm not too fond of the Portland Trailblazers. It doesn't sound right.

Even before I moved to the area I thought that Portland had one of the best team names in all of professional sports. It has regional significance and sounds cool. It's what every team should strive for when picking a nickname.

[Prophet of Mike Zagurski 0]

Okay, I got it. The Tampa Bay Rays is a horrible name. I liked the Devil Rays better.

[Guest C*Z*E*C*H]

Czech: Worse than "Iowa Chops"? I mean, it's not long, but that's a lot of shittiness in only a few syllables.

Ugh, that's another terrible one. Porcine nicknames just cannot turn out well. They're pork chops! Awful! You cannot name your team after your dinner!

[bob_barron 0]

The Macon Whoopie is the best and worst nickname.

[Nightwing 0]

Czech: Worse than "Iowa Chops"? I mean, it's not long, but that's a lot of shittiness in only a few syllables.

Ugh, that's another terrible one. Porcine nicknames just cannot turn out well. They're pork chops! Awful! You cannot name your team after your dinner!

See, at least Iron Pigs aren't edible.

[CanadianGuitarist 0]

Portland Trailblazers.

 

This gets my vote for selfish and petty reasons: My mother and I played Jeopardy a few weeks ago. The final answer was "This is the only NBA team with a (rowel?) in its logo". The word may not have been rowel, but it ultimately meant I lost, because I said Portland, which just sounded right. When Alex said, before revealing the contestants' answers, "Of course, the discovery and moving west of the continent played a big part in this team's logo", I began celebrating. I wagered everything, and thought I had won with that comment. I still didn't know what a rowel was, but I won, so yeahhhhhh!!!!! A 'rowel' turned out to be the spur in San Antonio's logo. I lost.

 

The Rocket has a similar story involving Luxembourg and Liechtenstein.

 

nationwide tour

 

I'm taking this grossly out of the context from which it was used, but, ironically, that's one of the better marketing ploys in sports, juxtaposing this very thread. Probably the second best, behind Great American Ballpark.

[migoli 0]

I hated the "Wild" name for a long time. But I guess it grew on me. It is just fucking dumb to look at though.

 

 

 

That was the feeling up here when they got the name. It still does sound funny up here but I would be surprised if there is a team with stronger team spirit then Wild fans....well in America I should say.

[Maztinho 0]

FUN THREAD.

 

Massito, quit swinging from the state of Utah's sack: "Real Salt Lake" is a completely fucking retarded name. It does matter than Salt Lake City has no Spanish heritage, because the team is trying to presuppose a connection to the Spanish monarchy. As I understand it, "Real Madrid" got its start as a national team, the royal football club of Spain, based in Madrid. These Utah dopes probably thought it was "Real" as in "not fake," as opposed to ray-AHL. There's no king of Utah, other than Gordon Hinckley, I suppose. The fact that I could even make that joke and not have it be a completely ridiculous stretch is why it's a dicey proposition for Salt Lake City to think it has a royal team. I'm not into soccer, and by extension I'm not into MLS, but it seems like trying to rip off the European nomenclature formula doesn't really work. They have their way, we have ours, which is Location Nickname. "DC United" sounds okay, but it doesn't mean anything, because it's not a merger of two Washington clubs, like "Manchester United." "FC Dallas" is just posturing.

 

I like the old nicknames, the ones that aren't overly aggressive. Aggressive nicknames look bad when you suck, like a kid in a No Fear shirt crying because he sprained his ankle.

 

Also fun are the tertiary nicknames that baseball teams have: the North Siders, the South Siders, the Bums, the Halos, the White Elephants, the Crew, the Tribe, the Bombers, the Amazins, and the Carmines. These are good changes of pace.

 

Hinckley died like a year ago, pay attention to your heads of religion. While it's kinda stupid, it fits soccer tradition, and nowhere near the WORST NAME EVER OMFG~! Fun fact, Real is also the Brazilian currency.

 

Also you have to understand the complete and utter failure that naming teams in this state happens, Real Salt Lake is GOOD compared to what could have been. We have a high school that are the Beet Diggers for the love of Kina. People thought that would be a good mascot.

 

Real Salt Lake is bad, but not so much in the world of OKC Thunder.

[Cheech Tremendous 0]

It's not a professional team, but I can't believe we've gone two pages without a single mention of the UC-Santa Cruz Banana Slugs. The Banana Slugs! Talk about instilling fear in the hearts of men.

[Guest C*Z*E*C*H]

The whole Oklahoma City Thunder thing is an unmitigated disaster, yes. The Banana Slugs thing is cool, because I bet nobody in Santa Cruz gives a shit. Intent is a big part of the real (pun intended) race for the worst.

 

I know you spent time in Brazil, and that the currency is the real, and all that, but that doesn't mean it's not a complete misfire. Again, I'm the opposite of interested in Major League Soccer, but if we're going to ripoff the Premiership's nomenclature, then you just call them Salt Lake City F.C., their logo could be a soccer ball with a mountaintop or a beehive or some temple spires, and then you give them all-white uniforms, since the Mormons are all about purity, and their informal plural nickname (like Arsenal being "the Gunners") is the All-Whites, like New Zealand has the All-Blacks. There. You play up local imagery without any erroneous espanophilia or monarchism. I'm better at sports branding than MLS.

[Maztinho 0]

I concur it's bad, but it's not the Gulls, or the Pioneers, or the Canyon Kickers (somehow this name made it to the top twenty... I'm serious). All in all, we made it out okay, in comparison to what could have been.

 

It's also not The Worst. It's bad, but not THE WORST.

[RepoMan 0]

Czech: Worse than "Iowa Chops"? I mean, it's not long, but that's a lot of shittiness in only a few syllables.

Ugh, that's another terrible one. Porcine nicknames just cannot turn out well. They're pork chops! Awful! You cannot name your team after your dinner!

 

The Buffalo Wings of the old Roller Hockey International. It would have been better if they used a Chicken Wing for the logo.

 

I thought the Buffalo Bills were named after "Buffalo" Bill Cody.

[JJ Johnson 0]

Scottsdale Community College Fighting Artichokes.

 

 

That artichoke isn't even fighting anything. And their colors are purple and green. If that's not the worst, I don't know what is.

[Maztinho 0]

One of my college roommates high school mascots.

 

http://www.eteamz.com/lambkin/index.cfm?

 

The Lambkin.

[Guest]

The worst name in MLS is the New York Red Bull. But there ain't shit they can do about that, is there?

[Richard 0]

The San Diego Sockers

 

What the fuck is a socker?

[The Amazing Rando 0]

I know it's not the official team name, but nothing tops The Delta State University Fightin' Okra

[MFer 0]

A couple U.P. classics include the Watersmeet Nimrods and the Ishpeming Hematites (the mineral form of iron oxide).

[HarleyQuinn 0]

In terms of animals...

 

Maryland Terrapins. Come on... a terrapin? You couldn't have called them the snapping turtles or something instead?

 

 

Just look at that. It's like the damned thing is trying to smile whilst simultaneously pulling the "tough" guy pose. I just can't take anything Maryland seriously anymore.

[CanadianChris 0]

I'm going to hang my favourite American university out to dry here and mention the Syracuse Orange. Not the Orangemen, a great nickname, but the Orange. Terrific. They're now named after a colour or a citrus fruit (very apropos for a school in f'n upstate NY).

[Red Baron 0]

Atlanta Thrashers.

[MFer 0]

I never knew that there was an Arena league team called the New Orleans VooDoo, but I guess they're ceasing operations as of today.

[RepoMan 0]

Scottsdale Community College Fighting Artichokes.

 

 

That artichoke isn't even fighting anything. And their colors are purple and green. If that's not the worst, I don't know what is.

 

I figure if your just some community college, you might as well have a "cute" and unique nickname.

 

[yankovic fan 0]

The Blue Hens of Delaware always amused me.

[Guest Tzar Lysergic]

Toronto Raptors.

 

The gay ass dinosaur dribbling a basketball is so bush league.

[Broward83 0]

I go with Grizzlies and the two AFL teams in Houston, the Terror and the Thunderbears.

[Maztinho 0]

I never knew that there was an Arena league team called the New Orleans VooDoo, but I guess they're ceasing operations as of today.

 

I wonder if I can get a jersey on-line still. That's a cool ass name.

 

AFLstore only has t-shirt or a Velcro hat. Fie on that.

[starvenger 0]

The Houston Texans just sounds stupid to me.

There's precedent though, as there was an AFL team known as the Dallas Texans, who became the Chiefs. Plus there's plenty of people down there that would say that they're Texan first, American second.

 

With respect to Real Salt Lake, just under 18% of the population in SLC are Hispanic, so using "Real" in the name is an obvious attempt to cater to them. Probably a better club to ridicule are Houston Dynamo since there isn't exactly a large Russian population there.

 

And I agree with Tsar - Raptors is a horrible nickname which was accompanied by some garish colours, but I think that the team has done a lot to downplay that aspect of it and play up their status as "Canada's NBA Team".