HD: Everybody's Pulp Fiction Style Segments

[King Cucaracha 0]

Bring 'em on!

 

(I looked for that Sandman segment from Hardcore TV on You Tube but couldn't find it, so maybe some of you know what the hell I'm talking about and maybe some of you don't.)

[alfdogg 0]

ALFDOGG
Everyone already knows I should be the next in line for a World title shot.  United States champ, and unlike you, Leon, I actually pinned a HEALTHY Puerto Rican twice during his title reign.  I mean, it's a no-brainer!

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REJECT
Isn't it obvious why I should get the next crack at Leon Rodez?  I mean, I [i]destroyed[/i] him in a steel cage just two months ago.  That has to weigh in on the mind of the OAOAST office when determining who's next in line, right?  And don't forget how I pinned the ex-champion, Tha Puerto Rican, in a tag team match.  I softened him up for you, Leon!  So if nothing else, as a show of gratitude, I deserve a shot at your title.

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VINNY VALENTINE (w/Ken Pantera and Tony Tourettes)
I'd be a much better representative for that belt than that Leon Rodez guy!  Look at me, I'm a better athlete, I'm a better dancer, and I'm also [i]much[/i] better looking.

TONY
SHUT THE FUCK UP, WHORE!  YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT!

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MARIANO
Yo baby, it's been a long time since someone from da EASTSIDE~ was reppin' the 'chip.  That's why I should be da next World champ, son.

QUINCY
Nah, fool, it's gotta be my belt!  I'm from da EASTSIDE~, too, QUEENS, son!  And I should be the next KING of the OAOAST.

WALDO
Fuck both you niggas, that belt's comin' ta me!  Now, when people ask "Where's Waldo", they gon' be sayin' "he da one wearin' dat BIIIIG GOOOOOLD BELT!"  Haha!

LUTHER
Nigga, you crazy!  I get higher than anyone standin' here right now, in more ways than one!  Why wouldn't dey choose  me outta dis group?

All four Burrough Boys argue as the camera cuts away.

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BROCK AUSSTIN
I've been with this company for a long time, but title shots have been few and far between.  Hopefully, Leon Rodez will be the honorable champion everyone thinks he will, and grant The Current Big Thing a shot at his title, because I feel that I've earned it.

--------------------------

QUENTIN BENJAMIN
You know, Charlie, I still haven't forgotten the way that Leon Rodez interfered in our match and cost us our tag team titles.

CHARLIE MOSS
You know I still remember that!  Or what about three weeks ago, when his buddy Bohemoth laid us both out in a six-man tag?

BENJAMIN
That's right.  Team Heyross owes those guys in the In Crowd.  And I could think of no sweeter revenge than to take the World Heavyweight title away from Leon Rodez.

MOSS
You know, you're [i]absolutely[/i] right?  I was just thinking that myself.

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DENZEL SPENCER
I think I deserve the next title shot at Leon Rodez.  I don't like to brag, mon, but I've got some big wins on my record as of late, matches no one expected me to win.  And if I get a shot at the World title, who knows what could happen?

[Patty O'Green 0]

TIM CASH

Leon Rodez is a top notch athlete, the kind of champion we can all look to with pride. Yes, he made some questionable decisions early this year in his personal life but he's atoned and apologize for his wrongs and in my book that makes him one of the good guys. It would be an honor and a joy to compete against him for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship.

----

 

NED BLANCHARD

I don't care what type of match you put me in, table match, ladder match, cage match, it don't make a damn to me as long as that world title is on the line. Leon Rodez is fixin to find out just how hard it is to be the hunted 'round here because it'll be a cold day in hell before Ned Blanchard ever loses to a piece of trash like that!

 

SIMON SINGLETON

While my partner makes a good, but not so eloquent case for the next title shot, lemme throw my hat into the ring and say that no one matches up with Rodez quite like I do. You can forget his 450 Splash, his Shack Attack, Mama Said Knock You Out, or any move he's got, because they don't matter. When he enters the ring with me, he's facing a real life BOSS. Call that bitch bojangles? No, call this bitch the next world heavyweight champion!

 

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SPENCER REGIER

Why should I be next in line for the world title? Oh boy, are you really asking me that? Me of all people? Me? That's a very stupid question. Very stupid. Let me flip things around and ask you a smart question. Why wasn't I in the world title match at November Reign? You'd have to have the mind of Einstein and Plato combined to figure that life mystery out. Someone answer me that because I'm dying to know why this once in a lifetime talent like myself gets passed over for this dime a dozen nobody like Leon Rodez. It took him how long to get this world title? Three, four, five years? Six? It won't even take me six minutes to leave him out cold with the Reiger Counter and take the title he clearly doesn't deserve.

 

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LUCIUS SOUL

I'm gonna be honest with a cat, I hope they ain't give me no title shot! Because I already got one prior felony I don't need no others on my record when my Fro2Sleep breaks Leon's neck off. Don't put that boy into the ring with a gorilla like me. Don't give him no match against the one man monstah. Keep my name out ya title plans, unless you want Leon's head lookin like a crushed cherry.

Edited December 11, 2008 by Patty O'Green

[Tony149 0]

Looks like I'm the only one to use various locations for the promos, so just delete them if need be.

 

Inside the recording studio we find the Heavenly Rockers, Holly-Wood and Colonel Abdullah Nerdly. 

SYNTH
Leon Rodez the World Champion? Ah guess if he can do it ANYONE can! 

LOGAN
Half a turd better than our previous champion or not, you’re still a turd Leon Rodez. One the Heavenly Rockers would love to flush if you ever stepped into the ring with one of us. You wanna be a fighting champion, huh? We’ll come fight us, because if the left one doesn’t getcha…

SYNTH
The right one will. 

ABDULLAH
ALLAHuiah! Praise be! 

Next we go out to the ranch of Baron Windels. The Lone Star Gunslinger playing a game of horseshoes. 

BARON
They say close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. I reckon the same would apply if Leon Rodez and Baron Windels ever hooked ’em up for the World title. You’ve got my respect Leon, but you got something I want…the OAOAST Championship. 

We cut to Mr. Dick coming out of the shower with his official black and yellow towel around his waist.  

MR. DICK
Baron Windels? Please. There’s only one man you ought to worry about coming after you, Leon Rodez, and that‘s Mr. Dick. Face it: you’re not man enough to handle The Dick. You don’t size up to me in or out of the ring, boy, and I‘ll prove it when I take your title.  

Up in his luxurious penthouse, Theodore Moneymaker is seated on a leather recliner smoking his pipe.  

THEODORE
Not even Hemmingway could’ve written the story about the rise of Leon Rodez. From the gutter of the porn industry to In Crowd lackey, our new World Champion is a disgrace to the belt he holds. So I intend to bring some prestige back to the title by hook or by crook. You’re one storybook that WON’T have a happy ending, Rodez, and you can put that in the bank! BWAHAHA!

Edited December 11, 2008 by Tony149

[Patty O'Green 0]

kc i sav u truble an rite tyler 4 u! :bounce:

ALIX
I should get a world title shot because when we were dating Leon gave me aids!

:o 

ALIX
Gotcha! But, like, wouldn't it suck if he did? Aids is really crappy. Remember that dude that played for the Lakers when I was younger? Johnson or whatever, he caught Aids and stuff, and then he got magic powers from it, and they started calling him Magic Johnson, but it was all sad because the other dudes who played the Lakers, the Clippers and stuff they, thought he'd use his magic to turn them into goats so he had to retire, but then he like summoned Kobe Bryant from heaven and its all good now because the Lakers have Kobe, and Johnson has Magic aids! I wish I had Magic aids. Anyway, Leon shouldn't be champion, because one time we went to see a Red Wings game and after the game we got held up, and he cried like a sissy. Its like, dude, have you never been stabbed three times in the stomach before? So I beat the muggers up but he still cried. And sometimes when he would leave the bathroom he'd have a little pee stain on his jeans. Is that world champion material? I think not!

---

DETECTIVE BOSLEY
Hit me!

CAMERA MAN
I don't want to hit you.

BOSLEY
Hit me!

CAMERA MAN
I don't wanna hit you, I just want to get this over with.

BOSLEY
Then hit me, you pussy!

BAM! The camera man hits Bosley in the stomach.

BOSLEY
Ooooooh...ahhh.....oww....ahh....you see that? Fuckin' Superman made of steel right there, baby! What are you, man, 300 lbs easy? Rodez is about a buck seventy? And he thinks he's stopping the Caucasian Assassian, the no limit honkey? I'll kill that bitch! I'll kill him!

CPA
Man, you gotta chill. This ain't good for your condition.

BOSLEY
Never mention my condition! Show no weakness! That's the Alpha Way, baby! Leon Rodez isn't up on our alpha ways, man. He's not centered in the mind, body and spirit like I am. Cuz as strong as I am in the physical realm I'm a fuckin Hulk like monster in the spiritual realm. I got my chi centered, my chakras,all that crap is in total alignment, baby. I am like the Model T of the spirit realm, man. I'm in that fat burnin yoga class where they make you take off your shirt. Most of the dudes look like that flat chested crack headed I busted out last week. But not Tango, man, not Tango! I am a rock! I am carved out of God's stone, baby! And even these dyke lookin artsy chicks in the class, they love it, you know they do.   

CPA
Man, you better just cut now, 'cause he's not gonna stop for a good twenty minutes.
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UNO
The power of the creatures of the night may not be visible to Leon Rodez. But they are real and they are deadly. The night mother calls to me in my dreams and she tells me its Leon Rodez' time suffer. Its time he felt the full force of death.

DOS
The children of the nightmother are hungry for your blood, Leon Rodez. You don't understand the power of destruction, Leon. Ducking myself and Uno only makes your punishment from the nightmother worse! You can't escape the black hand of hell!
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TYLER
Leon, you're my friend. But, Krista says friends are just people who's girlfriends aren't attractive enough to sleep with. So I guess I'm torn on that end. I do know that I've always dreamed of being a world champion. Guess you could say I've always wanted the attention that comes along with it. But, I didn't always think I was good enough to do it. Krista says that doing is believing, and she believes I can win, and now I do to. Leon, I think for one night only, we need to put friendships aside, lay it all on the line, and have the match of our careers for the World Heavyweight Title! 

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KRISTA
Here's the funny the thing, I don't have to make a case for being next in the line for the world title. I already have a case. The Money In The Bank Brief[i]case[/i]...Ah jeez did I actually just say those lines? I mean did I personally actually speak those lines under full control of my mental faculties? Was I possessed by the ghost of corny wrestling promo past? Its like I could hear the words coming out of my mouth but I couldn't stop them. It must be how Katie Holmes felt when she was brainwashed into marrying Tom Cruise. Here are some other lines you'd normally never hear me say "No, Cameron Diaz, I would not like to have hot monkey sex with you", "That's okay, I don't really feel like pushing George W. Bush off a cliff into a pool of priahanas", "What? There's a sale at Berfgdorf Goodmans? No thanks I'd rather stay home and watch the best of ThunderKid on DVD!" Listen L-Rod, old buddy old sweet loveable pal of mine, as you might know by now considering everyone of your miseries somehow revolves around little ol' me, when I want to take something from you, well, I don't quite ask for permission. Its really not the celebrity way. Honey, I come from the Winona Ryder school I just take what I want from you. I don't need to lump myself in a video vignette with the likes of the Burroughs Boys, aka the reason abortion should not only remain legal but strongly encouraged and sometimes required, to plead for it. Let's do the mega magical countdown, babydoll! I've taken Alix from you, I've taken Jade from you, I've taken Tyler and Shayne from you, and the only reason I haven't cashed in my contract and swiped the world title from you is because Jade wubs her Uncle Leon so much. Yes she does! But, Leon, good sir, if you should ever do anything to hurt Jade or betray her trust I will take your title, I will take your pride, I will take your self respect, I will take your collection of Conan O'Brien dvds you liberally rip off for your crappy Love Shacks, I will take your one bed room apartment in Grand Rapids, I will take your 93 Ford Taurus you successfully drugged several Nerdly girls into havin relations with you in, and I will proceed to roll all that up into a nice big ball and take your ass virginity with it. As long you don't hurt Jade, you're free to go about using your title reign to sink this company into bankruptcy.

[King Cucaracha 0]

Thanks for these guys!

[Zack Malibu 0]

And one from me!!

 

ZACK MALIBU

Leon Rodez, World Champion? Even I never thought I'd see the day where it happened, but you know what? I'm happy it did. You deserve it, Leon. You've made me and the rest of The In Crowd proud. You put that sixteen pounds of gold around your waist at long last. Savor it. Enjoy it. Represent this company as...well, as only you can. I'll tell you this as a friend, and it's something you already know...you can enjoy the belt around your waist, but watch out for the target on your back. Friends, enemies and everyone in between is coming for that title. You think it was a fight to win it? It's going to be hell to keep it. Take it from me, my friend. Enjoy the ride, but don't go off track when it gets a little bumpy.

[Ed Wood Caulfield 0]

SPANISH FLY
As if beating Tha Puerto Rican is a big accomplishment! Even I’VE done it! Uh…not to belittle my own wins, but…well…you know what I mean. Okay, let me start over. I’ve gone toe-to-toe with Leon Rodez several times in the past, and I’ve come close to beating him more than once! Not to mention, at one time, I was a close ally of his. So, if anyone knows Leon Rodez inside and out, it’s definitely me! I’ve got the mental advantage heading into a match with him! AND I’ve got more heart, more fire and more passion than he does! Not to mention MORE TALENT! I’ve spent my whole life overcoming obstacles, winning when people least expected it, being the underdog. I don’t see why I should stop now! Not when I have the opportunity to become the smallest World Heavyweight Champion in the history of professional wrestling! I’ve shocked people in the past. I WILL shock them again! 

Spanish Fly throws in a crotch chop and sticks his tongue out for good measure. 



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VITAMIN X
There ain’t nobody in the One And Only AngleSault Thread who deserves a chance to become One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion more than Brickston! In each and every Title Match that he has been in, he got beaten by a fluke! First, it was a countout. Then it was a rollup. And then it was one elbow drop when my client was dazed for 3 seconds. There will be no more flukes this time around! When my client faces Leon Rodez in the ring, he will attack him with no mercy. He will unleash the fury that lives inside of him, and he WILL break his ankle! I ask you, the Powers That Be, to give my client one more shot. And this time, I promise you, he WILL make it count! 

BRICKSTON
Leon Rodez, I ain’t your friend no more! You have what I want more than anything else in the whole entire world: the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! Tha Puerto Rican got lucky in our previous meetings! But you? Ha, ha, you WON’T be so lucky! I see that you have a surgically repaired right ankle. Well, congratulations, you already have a bullseye on your body. I will make it my mission to break that ankle again! Except this time, it won’t break because of a bad landing or a chairshot. It will break because of the power of my bare hands! And then, I will FINALLY be in possession of the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Championship belt! And I WILL FINALLY BECOME ONE AND ONLY ANGLESAULT THREAD WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! Leon Rodez, clench those fists, because it’s Fists Of Fury Time!



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THE BONE THUG
Ya es hora de que la OAOAST estar representado por un hombre Latino TRUE! Tha de Puerto Rico no era más que un títere del sistema. Él lo vendió a su pueblo hace mucho tiempo! Pero yo, el hueso Thug, no da una rata de culo sobre el sistema! Los apasionados de la OAOAST puede ir al Infierno en la medida en que me preocupa! Yo soy sólo información sobre cómo convertirse en el Campeón Mundial pesado, y yo lo haré por todos los medios necesarios! Al igual que mi héroe Che Guevara, yo no muestran misericordia, no remordimiento y el miedo no! León Rodez, tú eres mi enemigo y debe ser erradicado! Cuando yo soy el pesado OAOAST Campeón Mundial, One And Only AngleSault Thread llevará a cabo por mis reglas! Mi puño de hierro será el juez, jurado y verdugo! Los latinos están tomando el mundo, y que pronto pronto se toma más de la lucha libre profesional a partir de la One And Only AngleSault Thread! Todos ustedes en el One And Only AngleSault Thread proa delante de mí cuando yo soy su líder! I ONE AND ONLY ANGLESAULT THREAD campeón del mundo peso pesado gringos y usted aprenderá a amar a otra persona o que! ARRIBA LA RAZA ~!



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THOMAS RODRIGUEZ
Um…I don’t even know why I’m out here, to be honest. But…Leon Rodez? The OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion? What is this world coming to!? *Sigh*



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CUBAN WALL
I could list the thousands upon thousands of reasons why I deserve the first shot at the new OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, but you people all know the reasons why by now! Suffice to say, I am the best wrestler in the world never to be World Heavyweight Champion! I am the 2008 Lethal Rumble winner, a former OAOAST 24/7 Champion AND one-half of the most underrated tag team of all-time, Brains & Brawn! And yet, I have only gotten exactly ONE OAOAST World Heavyweight Title shot in my entire career, and that is just an injustice of the highest magnitude! Well, all I need is one more shot to win the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! Leon Rodez has fought the smartest, the fastest, the slickest, the sexiest AND the deadliest! But he has never met 6’7” 285 pounds of pure Cuban power! There ain’t NO WAY Leon will be able to take down THIS Wall no matter how hard he tries! It is about time that the One And Only AngleSault Thread took notice of me! I AM The Next Big Thing and Leon Rodez will be the first to find out just exactly what The Next Big Thing is made of! 



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MR. BORICUA
GRRRR. Me. Want. Title. Shot. Title. Make. Boricua. Happy. Get. Boricua. Money. Get. Boricua. Women. Pretty. Women. Women. Smell. Good. Women. Smart. Women. Make. Boricua. Happy. Me. Want. Title. Shot. So. Me. Can. Get. Money. And. Women. Leon. Rodez. Me. Will. Crush. You. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Mr. Boricua snorts, yells, screams, cranks his neck, sneers at the camera and then cracks his knuckles.