A challenge for BruiserBrody.

[Lt. Al Giardello 0]

LMAO! Fucking awesome bro.,

[PILLS! PILLS! PILLS! 0]

Snap into it!

[FroGG_NeaL 0]

Holy shit! Brody, you the man, dawg.

 

 

[Lt. Al Giardello 0]

This bitch has been sweatin me for 3 months straight, ever since I gave her the dick. She kept asking me out on dates and all this shit, but the truth is I ain't even interested in having a relationship right now. I have a kid on the way, and I have to put all my effort in taking care of it. So anyway I told the bitch that I'm trying to work things out with my babys mama, just so she can back the fuck off... Anyway she starts talkin all this bullshit, saying she is going to mace me when she sees me and all this crap.

 

Anyway so last night I was at my friends house party, and to my suprise the bitch shows up at the party. She walks straight up to me and smacks me in the face... I ain't going to take that shit, so I picked up the ho and threw her right over my friends sofa... She tries going into her purse to grab her mace, but I yanked her purse out of her hands and football punted it outside. So she goes into my friends kitchen and grabs a knife, and starts charging at me, then I fucking knocked her out cold.

 

Bitches be crazy, yo.

 

[Big Green 0]

Here's a better one-

 

But as for the unattainable crush? Sit down and shut up. You all don't know. You have no fucking clue.

 

Her name is Emily. Her last name was impossible to pronounce, and even worse to spell. She was... beautiful. I mean, perfect. We're talking "elf maiden in a Tolkien story" impossibly, terrifyingly pretty. She really WAS slender as a willow-wand and clearer than clear water. So smooth, soft, and flawlessly symmetrical as to inspire intimidation in the person who viewed her. Intelligent to boot, obviously smart, a good student. She was an actress, a dancer, a photographer, and a singer, and was very talented and polished at all of the above. Even her handwriting was a thing of beauty, as she was obviously trained in the art of calligraphy.

 

But she was born rich, and brought up privileged, religious, and possibly spoiled. Obviously pushed onwards by parents who wanted greatness for their child (and got it). I'm told that she had an older sister who didn't shine as brightly, I don't know, I never met her. She was most likely told from day one that she was Special and Superior, if not even The Best. The most amazing part being that she fulfilled it.

 

We went to the same high school. We shared an interest in theater, and were often in the same drama classes and plays over the course of two years. I was a sophmore when I first became infatuated, she a junior. I was not nearly as polished or talented. I was fat, unathletic, a bad singer, and a mediocre actor. I was stunted emotionally, the result of a depressing and isolated childhood of precocious intellect mixed with a complete lack of any social skills. The only girlfriend I ever had in high school ended up with me because some mutual friends matchmade us together, and we saw each other out of convenience, two lonely geeks who didn't have anyone better to share affection with. From the beginning, I was doomed with Emily. I truly had no chance. And I knew it.

 

The most agonizing part of it all was spending so damn much time around her, due to the fact that we were in the same class together every day, plus we were both involved in several of the same plays. I barely even talked to her. I just stared, silently, when she wasn't looking. She barely knew I existed, and whenever she did interact with me, she seemed more warily polite than anything else, the way you are when you're around somebody who's not all there. She was a big hugger, was always hugging everyone firmly, warmly, and daily. I think I can count on my hands the number of times we hugged in two years, and they were always short and light, the contact of someone who would really rather be elsewhere.

 

Emily did, once, agree to be in a video project of mine during her senior year. Somehow, I even convinced her to dress up in a cat suit at one point (I'd seen her wear it at Halloween). I still don't know why she did this for me. It seems out of character. She was so firmly neutral towards me.

 

I never saw any of her boyfriends, except for this one guy she was flirting with. He was a guest instructor we had, a big handsome guy in his mid-twenties who looked like a hunky extra out of Braveheart. They rode next to each other on the bus on a long field trip once, I heard them whispering and Emily giggling. One of my friends later shared a story about how he walked into the guy's room, and she was sitting on his bed, braiding his hair. On the same field trip, at a restaraunt (she happened to be sitting next to me) I jokingly waved a table knife in a harmless Jackie Chan-ish manner, and she, not joking at all, politely (even fearfully) asked me to please put the knife down before I hurt someone.

 

It got to the point where I was depressed, even near-suicidal. Other people started noticing how despondent I was, but I was such a goddamned weirdo that nobody knew what to do about it. Our drama teacher once confronted me in tears, having heard a (false) rumor that I claimed to be planning to kill myself onstage during a performance. I eventually admitted to a few people how I felt about Emily, it must've gotten back to her eventually, but nothing was ever said. My own mother told me, "She's out of your league." Nothing more needed saying.

 

So what does one do? I decided to stop loving her, plain and simple. I told everyone that the feeling had just ended, period, and I was resolved to turn that into a reality within. She graduated and left, I got back together with my girlfriend for a while (who never knew about the entire ordeal, poor thing) and went on with my life. Even when she came back to visit one afternoon, I completely ignored her.

 

But there were warning signs. I wrote a screenplay, a character study about a bunch of kids in a house waiting for the end of the world. One of the characters was more or less me, and another was basically her. In this story, "Crystal" eventually reterned "Alex"s feelings for her, won over by his undying devotion to her in the face of the apocalypse itself. Of course she did. It was MY book, dammit.

 

Then I ended up going to the same college as Emily.

 

It was NOT because of her, I swear. It was a big state school, anywhere from 20-30% of our graduating class went there every year. I went there because it was close, convenient, and cheap. She went there because she'd failed to get into the musical conservatory she'd wanted, and this was the only other university she'd applied to. We ran into each other very rarely, I don't think we talked more than a dozen times.

 

Then I met a wonderful, brilliant, fiery young woman, I'll call her Sue, and we fell in love, sort of. It (and she) were very complicated, she had some mental problems, but hey, she was fucking great in bed, pun intended, so I had no complaints for a while. I made new friends, learned new skills, and grew up more than a bit.

 

But none of it mattered. I regressed back to being the same socially illiterate 16-year-old troll whenever I spole to Emily. By chance I found a copy of her resume (complete with her measurements), which threw me for a loop. And whether or not I wanted to admit it, I was still madly in forever-unreciprocated love with her. It started causing problems, hughe ones, in my relationship with Sue. It was all the worse since they were both music majors, were in many of the same classes and performances. Sue, a bisexual for whom self-image was never a strongpoint, felt herself dying in comparison with Emily, and insisted that I do something, anything, to end it.

 

So I wrote a letter.

 

I must've revised and rewritten that goddamned letter a hundred times. I made it more detailed to explain everything about how I felt, but then it was too long, so I shortened it, but then it left important points in the dark. I worried endlessly about the words, the phrasings; would she be offended if I said this? If I voiced this feeling, would I find myself slapped with a restraining order? I debated whether or not to boldly put my name on it, or remain in safe, cowardly anonymity. I even had some of my female friends go over it, making suggestions and revisions. I finally stopped when one told me, "I wish that someone would write a letter like this to me."

 

The final version detailed my feelings for her in high school, mentioned the problems with Sue while not specifying who she was, and ending with me saying that I was above and past it all now, that I had exercised my will as a human being and this letter was my last shot at closure (which was more hope than fact). I specified that I wasn't necessarily asking for any kind of reciprocation, pity, or any feeling at all, beyond hoping that she understood, as a fellow human being, what I had felt. And at the bottom I signed my name, large and proud. I mailed it to her, and waited. And waited.

 

She never responded.

 

I never asked, either. From then on, I avoided her like the plague. If I saw her, I fled. I think I might've said "hello" once, when trapped waiting in the same line as her, but that was it. Sue might've been able to help, but she liked her mindgames, and never really confirmed whether or not Emily had ever talked about it. Eventually I dropped out of school, and she went on to graduate. I haven't seen her since.

 

Flash forward two and a half years. Emily's married. I found this out when I saw her name listed in the paper, and suddenly she had a hyphenated last name with an extra word on the end. I imagine him to be a rich young doctor who looks like Matt Damon, and hate him thoroughly. I'm still living at home, having done not a hell of a lot with my life. After me and Sue finally (nastily) broke up, I never got into another relationship. Really, no opprotunities have presented themselves, and I'm not the type to go looking for them myself. There have been a couple of other women which I liked, quite a lot, but they've all had stable boyfriends already. So I'm left cut off, unfinished, a story without an ending. I might very well never see her again. That might be easiest. The mere idea of even running into her sets me to trembling.

 

So inconclusion, fuck all of you who say "there's always a chance". Fuck you all who urge people to follow their dreams no matter what the fear or the cost. Fuck you all who dare to have enough blind hubris to tell me that it might have been different. You're all fools, lunatics, and God-damned liars. All too often this life SUCKS, and there's NOTHING we can do about it, PERIOD.

 

And I won't even think about the most awful, depressing, terrifying possibility of all; which is that you could all be right.

 

I REALLY want to see Brody read this. Do it as an over the top emotional soap opera style dialogue (that's how I read it).

 

Really sad story though, poor guy.

 

[Guest Czech please!]

Big Green, I think that was an old Jingus post.

 

Man, I even got the Randy Savage treatment. Boom, roasted.

[Big Green 0]

Big Green, I think that was an old Jingus post.

 

Man, I even got the Randy Savage treatment. Boom, roasted.

 

I think we could get Brody nominated for a Daytime Emmy if he reads that whole thing :-P

 

Poor Jingus though.

[bob_barron 0]

Yes, that's Jingus. That whole thread is ripe for Brody, I think there's a good Sandman post too

[Jingus 0]

Jeez, how long was it since I wrote that? Seven years ago, iirc. I did eventually run into that girl again and had a brief conversation, nothing special but enough for closure. And having various other girlfriends and one night stands since then did ease the pain a wee bit.

 

What was the name of that one guy years ago who posted a thread, something along the lines of "bitches ain't shit" where he talked about how all women were useless whores and he'd rather just masturbate forever than deal with them? That one had some gems which would be perfect for Mr. Brody here. Also, as long as we're talking about years-old legendary posts, FK Teale should really be represented here.

[Nighthawk 0]

Fuck that guy.

[The Niggardly King 0]

I'm starting to wonder if maybe the whole "I'm fucking tough I'll beat your sorry ass" isn't so much an EHME conceit as it is an MMA folder conceit. A bunch of those regulars seem to have this osmotic concept of themselves, that because they watch people fight in a cage, that they too are tough. It's like people who watch Seinfeld and think that by doing so it makes them funny as well. Even if this hypothesis is correct, it doesn't excuse a month (more, really) of dreadfully unfunny and obnoxious posts. I don't care. I just run the control panel on behalf of you guys; if a lot of you really want "BUY ME A BERREER FUOR MMY BABY MAMa AMOUTHFUCKIN NUCCAAA!!!!" out the wazoo for another month, you can have it for all I care. I don't really participate much anymore.

 

 

I will never speak badly of you again...

 

Tremendous

[Cran Da Maniac 0]

Can we honestly say, based on the Rhodes and the Savage-esque videos, Brody for Best Poster 2009?

[Lei Tong 0]

Brody, the terrible quality fight video is now forgiven.

[BruteSquad_BRODY 0]

Brody, the terrible quality fight video is now forgiven.

 

The Summer rematch will be in day light...I promise,.........

 

I'll have a new video up tomorrow probably...........

 

[BruteSquad_BRODY 0]

Can we honestly say, based on the Rhodes and the Savage-esque videos, Brody for Best Poster 2009?

 

Milky's mostly MIA.... Somebody had to step up.

 

[BruteSquad_BRODY 0]

Dangerous Donnie D. I remember that guy. See, the difference here is that Donnie is a redneck, with wigger like tendencies, where as I am white trash, raised around and with other trash of all colors.

 

Now, the difference between me and them, is that I graduated high school. I actually was expelled from public school,

so I had to work multiple jobs to pay to go to a Christian school. I was in 9th grade for 3 years in public school, 'cause I was fuckin up. But I still graduated the year I was supposed to, because I worked my goddamn ass off to get that diploma. Then I got accepted to The Art Institute of Pittsburgh, into the media arts and animation field, which is hard as hell to get into with no scholarships. So I was doing that, and doing good at it. Then I had like, 5 family/friends with deaths/somethin fucked up happening to 'em. See, I bettered myself, I'm getting an education in a field that'll have me making around 200 grand a year within a year of graduating. I've got my mom living life better then she ever has right now. I didn't embrace being ignorrant. I didn't want to end up like any adult that I knew. And I haven't.

 

I was born poor white trash. I am white trash, i'm a wigger, a nigger, donnie d, teddy bear, the fuck ever, man. You gotta understand, I've heard it all from black and white people, I grew up being called a nigger and a redneck, and white trash, nigga, cracka, and all that. Nothin' you can say to me means anything, really. I hear worse said face to face on a daily basis, I'm sure.

 

And the yankees cap. Here's how I shop for hats: walk into Lids, look around for something Carolina Blue, no matter what team/sport it is. If that doesn't work out, I look at the black and white hats, usually The Yankees, Dodgers or White Sox.

 

The shit is just art of my apparel, son. I'm not trying to show support for a team, or represent that shit like that. It ain't no different then the rest of my clothes. I wear Hillfiger, or Phat Farm, Nautica, Polo and I'm not wearing any of those to represent the brand itself. The shit just looks cool to me, and it's the way that I've dressed since I can remember.

 

 

Ya'll mofuckers call me what you want. I just know, ya'll's the dudes all up in LSD gettin emotional like bitches.

 

Every folder, as a matter of fact. I see all types of bitchassness goin on in this bitch. Man...

 

For Full effect play "Sweet Home Alabama" or "FreeBird" while listening...

 

[FroGG_NeaL 0]

 

Holy shit! Thanks, man. This shit made my fucking day. Holding up the cross when you mentioned christian school was an awesome touch.

 

You're my hero of the day.

[BruteSquad_BRODY 0]

This bitch has been sweatin me for 3 months straight, ever since I gave her the dick. She kept asking me out on dates and all this shit, but the truth is I ain't even interested in having a relationship right now. I have a kid on the way, and I have to put all my effort in taking care of it. So anyway I told the bitch that I'm trying to work things out with my babys mama, just so she can back the fuck off... Anyway she starts talkin all this bullshit, saying she is going to mace me when she sees me and all this crap.

 

Anyway so last night I was at my friends house party, and to my suprise the bitch shows up at the party. She walks straight up to me and smacks me in the face... I ain't going to take that shit, so I picked up the ho and threw her right over my friends sofa... She tries going into her purse to grab her mace, but I yanked her purse out of her hands and football punted it outside. So she goes into my friends kitchen and grabs a knife, and starts charging at me, then I fucking knocked her out cold.

 

Bitches be crazy, yo.

 

 

DOUBLE FEATURE TODAY!~!

 

[Lt. Al Giardello 0]

Man, you're too much Brody...

[FroGG_NeaL 0]

Oh shit dude. You're crazy for that one.

[Lt. Al Giardello 0]

Last night I was at this house party. Everything was all good, me and my homie were getting to leave. Then the bitch who owned the house got up in my face and demanding me to take my shoes off. I told the bitch, "I'm leaving now, there's no point". Then this fucking white boy who I've always had a problem with was standing there. This fucking guy has never shown me any ounce of respect and has something against, I don't really know what his beef is nor do I care. I don't usually waste my time with faggots like him. The only reason why I know him is because he's a former friend of mine's cousin.

 

Anyway, so I was arguing with the bitch, and she couldn't understand that I was leaving for some reason. Then the fucking guy SLAPPED ME. I thought "Fuck this shit, I ain't letting no white boy punk me", so I bitched smacked him back. Then his fucking cousin(who was my friend until after this night), pushes me and told me not to touch his cousin. Now understand both of them are ALOT bigger then me. Especially the one who use to be my friend, he's easily 260lbs. So anyway, they both try swinging on me, but I ducked and dodge all their punches. They were way too slow. My friends started breaking up the fight and shit and I left.

 

I was fucking pissed. This morning I called my one friend and told him how pissed I was. Turns out he was with the guy, so he gets on the phone and starts talking shit. So I told him I'll kick his ass tonight, after UFC 79. He agreed to it.

 

I'm feeling pretty confident. He's bigger then me, but he's slow. He couldn't even land one punch on me tonight. I don't really know the outcome, win or lose. But all I know is, I had enough with him and his bitch ass ways, and I'm going to end it TONIGHT!

[bob_barron 0]

Brody's been amazing in this thread. Kudos to you, and kudos to you again.

 

What happened with the fight, EHME?

[Lt. Al Giardello 0]

What happened with the fight, EHME?

 

About a month or so we were at a huge house party, and he tried acting tough, getting up in my face... And I punched him about 2 or 3 times until everyone in the house broke it up. Needless to say he didn't fuck with me after that.

[BruteSquad_BRODY 0]

Why bother punching when small joint manipulation and chokes are where its at?

[Lt. Al Giardello 0]

Why bother punching when small joint manipulation and chokes are where its at?

 

I'm a former amatuer boxer, I work with my strength.

[BruteSquad_BRODY 0]

Last night I was at this house party. Everything was all good, me and my homie were getting to leave. Then the bitch who owned the house got up in my face and demanding me to take my shoes off. I told the bitch, "I'm leaving now, there's no point". Then this fucking white boy who I've always had a problem with was standing there. This fucking guy has never shown me any ounce of respect and has something against, I don't really know what his beef is nor do I care. I don't usually waste my time with faggots like him. The only reason why I know him is because he's a former friend of mine's cousin.

 

Anyway, so I was arguing with the bitch, and she couldn't understand that I was leaving for some reason. Then the fucking guy SLAPPED ME. I thought "Fuck this shit, I ain't letting no white boy punk me", so I bitched smacked him back. Then his fucking cousin(who was my friend until after this night), pushes me and told me not to touch his cousin. Now understand both of them are ALOT bigger then me. Especially the one who use to be my friend, he's easily 260lbs. So anyway, they both try swinging on me, but I ducked and dodge all their punches. They were way too slow. My friends started breaking up the fight and shit and I left.

 

I was fucking pissed. This morning I called my one friend and told him how pissed I was. Turns out he was with the guy, so he gets on the phone and starts talking shit. So I told him I'll kick his ass tonight, after UFC 79. He agreed to it.

 

I'm feeling pretty confident. He's bigger then me, but he's slow. He couldn't even land one punch on me tonight. I don't really know the outcome, win or lose. But all I know is, I had enough with him and his bitch ass ways, and I'm going to end it TONIGHT!

 

EHME, you typed that out like shit originally, I sounded like a moron at points cause your sentences were fucked up....

 

But anyway.... Here we go.....

 

[Jingus 0]

Where do you get the props for these? Do you just think "hey, I happen to have an old hardhat in the back of my closet, let's use it for the Steven Regal routine because it would fit well with this testosteriffic post", or do you get the ideas first and then go procure the gimmicks?

 

Speaking of testosterone, I was posting at another marks about Test dying. I posted a link to Meltzer's report about it... and only afterwards did I realize no, I had more recently copied another URL and I'd actually posted the link to Brody's most recent video. I corrected my error, but I must admit I was tempted to just leave it.

[BruteSquad_BRODY 0]

I have a box of props, that is dwindling down a bit now..... I had the hard hat and had a few ideas.... Real Man's man was the funniest

[FroGG_NeaL 0]

[Dandy 0]

Am I to assume that my request will never be met? I could send you a Gripmaster in the mail if you don't have one readily available.