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It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

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How To Vibrate
 

I'll shit the fuck up all over your face.

This entry is dedicated Hotbutter Spoonbuster, aka "TSM's answer to Tourettes Guy".   -Been a busy week, and I'm fucking tired. I haven't had a good night's sleep in a while now.   -I saw the piolet for "Korgoth of Barbaria" on Adult Swim last night, and it it's awesome. It's on again at 10:30 tonight, and I recommend it. Also, the new season of "The Venture Brothers" debuts June 25th.   -The "9/11 Conspiracy Theories" thread on the CE folder is a great big pile of stupid. That's all I have to say about that.   -Finally, my thoughts on Hotbutter Spoonbuster: This guy rules. I don't thinl he has any idea what he's saying, and he spews forth insults and profanity like he's internet celebrity Tourettes Guy. So here's to you HBSB: Don't you ever change.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Underrated Horror Movies

There's a ton of horror movies out there, and just like albums, there are ones that don't get as much attention as they deserve. Here are some that I think deserve more attention.   Trauma-Underappreciated movie from Dario Argento. Some say this was the start of his directorial downfall, but I'd disagree (I'd say it's "Phantom of the Opera"). Here, his daughter Asia stars as a bulemic girl who is taken into custody by a concerned cop. Oh, and there's a killer who decapitates his victems with a nifty noose device. Also, cool appearences from the likes of James Russo, Brado Dorrif, and Piper Laurie.   Luther The Geek-No, not a nerd, but a circus geek. Here, a serial killer with a thing for biting necks (who also clucks like a chicken, and has a pair of cool metal dentures) is let out of jail-and terrorizes a mother, her daughter, her boyfriend, and a cop. Goofy, but oddly creepy.   Warning Sign-Before there was "28 Days Later", there was this movie about a virus that infects the workers at a secret lab, turning them into maniacs whose skin is peeling off. The movie also stars Sam ("Law and Order") Waterson and Kathleen Quinlan.   Blood Diner-Weird ass tribute to Hershell Gordon Lewis is one of the strangest horror comedies ever made. This movie deals with brothers trying to reawaken an Egyptian goddess by killing women-and that's just the start. From then on, we get zombies, cool visual gags ("battered girlfriend" is a favorite), and other things.   Street Trash-A wall to wall celebration of bad taste, this sucker has liquor that causes people to melt and explode. Oh, and winos, necrophilia, gang rape, fart jokes, and a game of hot potato with a severed penis.   Body Melt-More body exploding goodness. This time, it's a weight loss supplement. It's really confusing, but it's quit unforgettable, disgusting, and funny.   The Stendhal Syndrome-Another underappreciated Film from Dario Argento. His daughter Asia stars again, this time as a police woman/past rape victim who finds herself slowly going insane while tracking down a serial killer. Interesting fact: When Stuart Gordon saw it, he was so disturbed he had to leave the theatre.   I Drink Your Blood-Here's one kkktookmybabyaway might like: A cult of Charles Manson like hippies/devil worshippers get rabies, and cause havoc on a small town. Full of (poorly done) gore, bad acting, and other things that make 70's exploitation so awsome.   Just Before Dawn-From the director of MST3K "favorite" "Squirm" and the cult favorite "Blue Sunshie" comes this cool little slasher, which mixes "Friday the 13th","Deliverance", and "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" into a fun little movie.   Junk-Japanese rip-off of Italian zombie movies is still a blast in my eyes. Plus, it's got a hot naked zombie chick, and a zombie that eats it's own flesh.   That's all for now. Next time: Whatever comes to mind.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

The Worst Horror Movie Sequals Ever Made

-I forgot to mention in my last entry that I read both "WrestleCrap" and "The Death Of WCW". Still great stuff.   -Anyways, I've changed my mind, and instead decided to list the worst horror movie sequals ever made instead of the worst movie sequals ever made. Here thay are, in no particualr order:   Hellraiser: Bloodline-To me, this is the worst of the seven sequals. Sure, III was the beginning of the downfall, 5 and 6 were dreadful, and 7 and 8 were watchable (I kinda liked 7), but the fourth entry in the series is the worst because IMO, it had so many possibilities (in spite of it's tacked on sci-fi gimmick) to be good. Pinhead gets in some great lines ("Do I look like someone who cares about what God thinks?") and it has some interesting cenobites, as well as a cool backstory. However, it all feels rushed and incomplete. Basically, it feels like a wasted opportunity.   Friday the 13th 8-The worst of the series, this one is really boring, and feels uninspired. Plus, Jason really doesn't do that much in Manhatten.   Zombi 4: After Death-While "Zombi 3" is bad, it's at least entertainingly bad. This one is the worst of the series, as it has no interesting gore, characters, or even interesting Zombies. It's all just really boring, and proof that America isn't the only place were shitty sequals are made. Fun fact: Don "The Dragon" Wilson has a small role in the movie, and from what I read in a book, one of the lead actors is also a gay pornstar.   Return of the Living Dead 4 and 5-These two movies are complete disasters in the world of zombie cinema, and a slap to the face of any ROTLD fan.   Child's Play III-No interesting kills, an underused Chucky, and a horrible ending make this one a complete disaster. At least we got "Bride of Chucky" after this one.   Pet Cemetary II-Dull, nonsensical, and really just pointless, this is one of the worst sequals to a Stephan King Adaptation I can think of.   The Ring 2-To think, Iactually like the remake more than the Japanese original. Here, Samara becomes a cheap Freddy Krueger knock off, and loses everything that made her scary. Way to go Hollywood.   Return Of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre-The only thing good in this movie is Matthew McConaughey as a psychopathic redneck named Vilmer. The rest of this (including Leatherface as a cowardly transvestite) is an insult.   That's all for now. Next time: severely underappreciated Horror movies, part one
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

8
How To Vibrate
 

Afghanistanimation

Well, I'm back from my Memorial Day visit home. Nothing notable happened, so here's the uneventful events:   -I finally bought The Sounds Dying To Tell This To You and Skinny Puppy's Last Rights. Both are great, especially The Sounds album. It's not great art, but it's a hell of a lot of fun.   -I watched "Super Troopers". That movie just gets funnier everytime I see it. Come on, how could anybody hate that movie?   -Also Watched "The Decline Of Western Civilization II: The Metal Years", and I liked it. It's a strange mix of depressing (Chris Holms drunk in his mother's pool) and hilarious (I have not seen that many people who dress alike since Highschool Gym). It's a bit suprising seeing that the band named Odin were a hair band, because with a name like that, you would expect something else.   -Didn't watch Raw last night. Was it any good?   -Preparing for finals this week and next week. Also, the weather here is nice, though I don't expect it to last very long.   -It seems like Leena's new avatar has a picture of Jenna Haze. Good choice there.   -Got a sunburn, but not a major one. I also ate a bunch of Peanuts, which lead to many trips to the bathroom.   That's all for now. Next time: The worst movie sequals ever made.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Rooty Tooty Doo

-Well, I'm done with work for one of my classes. Other than that, it's buisiness as usual over here. It looks like its going to rain.   -I'm not looking forward to X-Men 3. Why? Well, besides the fact that it's directed by the dude who did "Red Dragon" (I hated that movie), it looks like they're trying to put too much from the series into one movie.   -WWE has officially ruined Trish Vs. Mickey thanks to the addition of Beth. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. Plus, I knew they were going to ruin it somehow. Also, I'm sick and tired of Umaga. Smackdown already has a dreadful HOSS BY GAWD that can't be stopped, so why does Raw have to? Wait a minute, this is Raw I'm talking about...   At least Smackdowns has had build-up.   -A while back, I promised you a strange link, so here you go: bianca's Fetish Forum. Thanks to Something Awful for providing the link. Anyways, there's some weird shit here, but I think most of it's made up.   That's all for now. Next time: Preperation for finals, the weather, and my Memorial Day visit to my parent's house.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

All Hail Chocolate City, and It's Vanilla Suburbs

-Well, the weather around here has really improved, though according to the Weather Channel, it will rain on Thursday.   -Christ, college is really beating me with homework. I've got a second draft of a short story to complete, three reviews of short stories, an essay on a poem, and various other things. That's what you get in the last two weeks of college.   -"The Da Vinci Code" is the #1 movie in America. Maybe I won't have to hear about it all of the time from the news now.   -People in the community I live in are pretty fucking loud right now. I have constantly had to hear yelling cursing, yelling and cursing, and other such things every day and every night, and it's annoying.   -I slept funny two nights ago, so right now, my shoulder is killing me. I can't even walk without feeling a bit of pain.   Gotta go and do more homework. Next time: More complaints and grieviences, and maybe an amusing website.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Bologna Pony

Damn, I've got a ton of typing and writing as far as homework goes. Fortunately, I only have two or three weeks of classes left.   -It seems like Glenn Beck is slowly making it into my worst things on TV today list. I tried giving his show a shot, and it was just painful to watch, not to mention unfunny. The guy tries so hard to be funny, but fails. Also, his whole "I'm going to see the Da Vinci Code because supposidly, the French hate it!" comment was corny. I thought hating on the French went out of style a while back. Besides, the French gave us the movie High Tension, and the music of Francoise Hardy.   -Speaking of "The Da Vinci Code", who gives a flying fuck about it? The book sucked major balls, so the movie will most likely suck major balls as well.   -Hillary Clinton recently gave a speech that lambasted the current generation of kids. Now, I'm normally all for ripping on kids today. Hell, I hate kids today. But come on Hillary, you sound like that crazy old lady who yells at kids to get off her lawn. Eh, I never liked her that much anyway.   That's all for now. Next time: Will BUTT-Heads fear of commitment cause Beavis to become institutionalized?  
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

Chocolate Jones and the Temple of Funk

Yes, todays entry is named after a MST3K bit.   -Cool news: There is going to be a fourth "Re-Animator" movie, called "House of Re-Animator", which will be directed by Stuart Gordon, and will co-star William H. Macy as the president of the U.S.   -It seems like there's now photographic evidence of a plane hitting the Pentagon of 9/11. So to all you conspiracy theoriest: Suck on it.   -Raw last night was a good show. It wasn't great, but it was good. Plus, no May 19th bullshit. Speaking of which, is anyone actually going to see "See No Evil"? I'll check it out as a DVD rental, but there is no way I'm seeing it in theatres.   -Matt Young is back, and I don't know whether I should be happy or sad.   -I bought 3 cd's today: "St. Elsewhere" by Gnarls Barkley, "Supernature" by Goldfrapp, and "Houses of The Holy" by Led Zeppelin. All three are awesome.   That's all for now. Next Time: another wacky entry title, and other such nonsense.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

Happy Mothers day

Todays Mothers day. I already told my mom happy mothers day, so you don't need to worry about me telling that to my mom. Anyways, happy mothers day to the rest of the moms in the world.   I didn't make Leena's list. Oh well. I'm a bit bored with her anyways.   I wish I had more to say today, but I don't. MAybe I will next time.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

lovecraft rates new music

Well, I'm done with my Business Writing Homework (for now at least). So, here's my picks for what I've liked, and what I didn't liked, in music so far.   What I've Liked   Ghostface Killah's Fishscale album-This sucker is the best album of the year so far. I listen to this album every week, and it just keeps getting better.   Gnarls Barkley-From what I've heard, it sounds like another future purchase for me. Plus, it's Cee-Lo and the awesome Dangermouse.   Mono's You Are There album-Another great album. I personally think this is going to be in the top post-rock albums of all time.   The Sounds-Hell yes. Fun, unpretentious rock from Sweden. Plus, it's infectious as hell.   Goldfrapp   The new Prince album.   What I Haven't Liked   The New Revolting Cocks Album-Well, I like the song "Viagra Culture" (How can you not love a song with the line "My Weiner Must Win!"), but other than that, this album is a huge let. It doesn't even sound like a Revolting Cocks album.   RHCP Stadium Arcadium-I've heard it from other people's dorms, and to be honest, I find it a bit disappointing.   Keisha Cole-I'm sick and tired of hearing the song Love, though fortunately, I don't hear it as much as I used to.   Just About Anything Emo. I really can't wait for this whole thing to end.   The Editors-I don't care what anyone says: They are not better than Interpol. Hell, I find them unsatisfactory at best   Artic Monkeys-Am I the only person who isn't creaming their pants over this band? They aren't that good.   [b]Still Waiting For[/b]   The new Current 93 album-Fortunately, it comes out really soon, so the wait won't be long.   That's all for now. Next time: Whatever else come to mind, or something
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

You'll Go Blind

Well, things are same as always. I have a big paper/essay/whatever to do for my buisiness writing class that's due in about two weeks. I started it today, so I'm going to finish it tomorrow. Then it's a presentation for that class, which I'll start on Monday.   Well, I saw a USA Today poll two days ago on Olberman, and it seems that Tom Cruise is more popular than Bush. Granted, he's not a politician, and it's by 4%, but still, that says something.   You know, I don't watch Smackdown, but I' do see the spoilers to it, and I have a question: If Rey's champ, then what's the point to jobbing out in squash matches every week? Could somebody please answer this for me. Also Leena, don't take this as an insult, but I have a question for you: why on Earth do you like Great Khali, because from what I've heard about him, he's awful.   The weather over here has been miserable. It's going to rain all week according to The Weather channel and the local news. Hows the weather for you guys?   That's all for now. Next time: I rate the new albums of this year so far.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

45

Well, before I finish the list of the most pretentious bands and albums of all time, there's some cool news for you horror fans: Dario Argento Ready to Shot Long Awaited Third Part of his Three Mother Triology This is so fucking cool.   And now, the conclusion to our list   Emerson, Lake, and Palmer-I always hated this band. While I was never big on Progressive Rock (though does Krautrock count, because I love Krautrock), this band always annoyed me. The annoying keyboard solos, the laughable attempts at mixing classical music with rock, the self indulgence, the fact that they actually recorded an albums with a straight face...the list goes on.   Interestingly enough, Keith Emmerson did the score to Dario Argento's "Infrerno", and I actually like that score.   Vanilla Fudge-The Beat Goes On-Your winner in most pretentious album of all time, and one of the worst albums of all time, is this dandy. First of all, some background: VF weren't a bad band. Hell, I always thought that they were underappreciated as far as late 60's/early 70's hard rock bands go. Anyways, in 1969, the band recorded this album It says in it's notes (and I'm not making this up) that the album was inspired by The Beatles, Brahm, Mozart, and...Sonny Bono. Yes, you read that right. The band thought that Sonny fucking Bono was comparable to Mozart.   The concept of the album? The end of the 60's, and various moments in American History. All set to Sonny Bono's "And The Beat Goes On". Oh, and there are covers of songs, including a Beatles song, and several classical tunes. And sample of JFK being announced shot and killed, The announcement that we bombed Japan, and other such things. Oh, and clips of interviews with the band, one member saying "the music industry is so disheartening", as well as horrible free form poetry.   And there you have it folks. ELP are the most pretentious band of all time, and "The Beat Goes On" by Vanilla Fudge is the most pretentious album of all time.   Next time: Back to Regular old Entries.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

An Invaluable Waste

Well, it's been a while, but I have an answer why: Homework. Oh, and my printer broke this weekend, and I had to get a new one. Basically, I've been having a shitty weekend, whough hopefully, things will get better.   Anyways, here's part two of my list of the most pretentious bands and albums   A Silver Mt. Zion-This one hurts for me, because I actually like this band. That out of the way, I do have to admit that while i love the genre, Post Rock is one of the most pretentious things in music right now. Let's look at the facts: Here's a band that's full of post rock cliched (the crecendos, ridiculous band name, inhumanly long album and song titles) that's a GYBE! side project (there's a lot of these) and this one made it on the list because well, even though there are many similar bands, this one just came to mind. Oh well.   Genesis P. Orridge-When i was Young-Here's a major miss. For those of you who don't know who Genesis is, he's essentially one of the most important figures in industrial music, mostly because he was a member of the first ever indistrial band Throbbing Gristle. After TG split, he formed Psychic TV. After Psychic TV split, he got a sex change. Oh, and released this album For some reason, he thought that doing really short spoken word poetry (repeated over an over ) over bland trip-hop production was a good idea. Well guess again pal. The album is really self indulgent in it's simplicity (never thought you'd hear that one) and is also really, really boring. Not so suprising, it was only released as a limited edition.   Wreckx-N-Effect-Rap's New Generation-Yep, believe it or not, the guys who recorded "Rump Shacker" made it on the list. Why? Well, let me explain:   There are ton's of covers albums out there. While a few of them are good, most of them really suck. However, the worst, and most self important, of these, is WAE's 1996 album Rap's New Generation. Here, the group cover such hip hop classics as "Planet Rock" and "Da Vpours", while paying "tribute" to old school hip hop. However, from the title of the album itself, you can tell that there's a real self importance to the whole thing, and it pretty much shows the world why they were known for "Rump Shaker", and nothing more. And I like the song "Rump Shaker".   Coil-Here's one that really pains me to type. anyways, as you folks know, I love Coil. They are one of industrial and experimental electronic musics most important, and best bands. So, why did they make it on here? Because of two albums-Time Machines and Constant Shallowness Leads to Evil. The former is basically a series of repeated synth drones made to "fascillitate time travel". Translation: take hallucinogens while listening to this. The latter though, is the worst: a tribute to Krautrock bands like Faust and noise rock bands like Butthole Surfers. The Problem? It has none of the odd humor or offbeat fun of those groups., thus making it an unlistenable, sprawling mess.   That's all for now. Next Time: The list comes to an end.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

The Most Pretentious Bands and Albums: Part 1

Well as I promised, here's the start of my countdown of the most pretentious bands and albums of all time, according to me. Let's get this show on the road.   Consolidated-Here's a doozy, a preachy hip-hop/industrial "marxist" band of pro vegan, anti-capitalist jackoffs who pretty much are the epitomy of preachy, and make Rage Against the Machine look like The Osmonds. The real kicker for the group is their love of the book The Sexual Politics of Meat, a book that pretty much says that if you eat meat, then you hate women and want to rape them. Of course, the band took this to heart, as most of their songs tell you that anyone who eats meat is a rapist. Oh, and if you don't agree with them on their bullshit theories, then you are a fascist (they accuse just about everyone they disagree with fascists) who hates women and is homophobic. Oh, and read the lyrics to the song "Tool and Die", which are so preachy, they would make Lars Van Trier cringe.   Basically, what I'm trying to say is this: There is nothing sadder than hearing obnoxious white dudes rapping about how bad black people have it. Yeah, like they really know anything about the struggles minorities go through in this country. It's practically a fucking minstrel show. I do get some satisfaction though, in the fact that their anti-meat/"feminist" songs are being played at fetish clubs where women are willingly tied up and whipped today. That's irony for ya.   Kiss-Music For The Elder-From what I've heard, even the band themselves are embarrassed of this disaster. I still find it hard to believe that fucking Kiss, probably one of the least pretentious bands of all time, recorded this bloated piece of shit. Just listen to the songs like "The Oddyssey" and "I", and you'll wonder "what the fuck were they thinking". Also, to this day, I still don't know what the fuck the album is about. Could somebody please tell me what the albums concept is?   Burzum-I've mentioned in the past that I hate Burzum, as I've metioned it many a time on this thread. Read all about why I think that Burzum is one of the lamest and most pretentious projects in music history on that thread. Oh, and don't bother responding to Thumbtack, asd he seems to be in a permanent bad mood over there, and I quit arguing with him last week.   Neil Young-Trans-When artists try experimenting with different styles of music, it's a slippery road. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. This album is a perfect example of what happens when it doesn't work. Now I love Neil Young, but damnit, this album is a pretentious mess. Basically, Young decided to experiment with synthesizers and vocorders, and made this album. It's no wonder why it's hard to find in the U.S., except for Imports and on ebay, as it's a bloated disaster, and a real headscratcher as well. This album has split Young fans, with some thinking it's his most daring work. Well, daring doesn't always mean good, if you ask me.   That's all for today. The list continues next time
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Trent Lott's Prostate Exam

-How's it going folks? Not a whole lot going on around here (as usual). Last night though, I couldn't sleep, because there were these obnoxious kids outside at 2:30 in the morning playing with their super soakers and generally making such a racket, I could hear them through my ear plugs. Christ I hate College Freshmen.   -Last night's "South Park" was a major improvement over the previous two episodes. The "Altered States" reference was a great touch (to Family Guy: Quit Refrencing Lucas/Spielberg movies and 80's Pulp Culture, and start referencing obscure cult movies. Then I might watch you again) and the ending made great use of the theme from "The Omen". Also, it pretty much shows viewers once again how dispicable Cartman is.   -Watched "Wolf Creek" and "Event Horizon" last night. Both get 8/10 from me. I'm not getting any more DVD's until "Cemetary Man" hits DVD this June.   -Finally, I'm going to start a countdown to who I think are the most pretentious bands of all time, as well as the most pretentious albums. Anybody have any suggestions?   That's all. The countdown starts tomorrow.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

More Bounce To The Ounce

Today's entry brought to you Zapp and Roger. Don't leave home without it!   -Anyways, I'm sure that a lot of people here bought the new Tool album that came out today. It did come out today, didn't it? Just wondering. Anywho, personally, I'm not too interested. Sure, I would have been interested in this back when I was a teenager, but when I turned 21, I finally grew a bit tired of Tool. I don't know wy, but I just did. I'll still have to hear it blaring from speakers in my college, but I will admit, I'd rather hear Tool than that Keisha Cole song "Love". I have to hear that song every fucking day, and I'm sick of it. At least I have Current 93's new album to look forward to later this month. You Tool fans think that five years is a long wait? Try waiting 10 years since David Tibet and co. have released an album of new material.   -I actually enjoyed Raw last night. Not every part of it, but I thought it was good. Highlight of the show was the worked shoot from Joey Styles. Check it out here. Also good was the Kane vs. Conway match, simply for the fact that they made this whole "May 19th" angle a litte enjoyable, or at least for five minutes. Oh, and I still love the Spirit Squad.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

This Post Brought to you by The Oozinator

-Well, I'm pretty busy as of late, which isn't the best way to start out the first entry of May '06. Oh well.   -Has anybody seen the new commercial for the new Super Soaker called "The Oozinator"? If so, I just have to tell you: It scares the shit out of me. The commercial looks like it was made by pedophiles.   -I saw Steve Colbert's ripping on the president on the net last night, and I liked what I saw. The silence in the room (filled with other Republicans) makes it a bit uncomfortable though.   -Last Saturday's "Best Of" SNL episode (Best of TV Funhouse) was awesome. I always loved the TV Funhouse skits, and they had some of my favorites, including the X-Presidents, Fun With Real Audio (The Newscaster one and the MCain one were awesome, as was the Clinton Testimony one), Shazaang!, Cartoons in Black History (My favorite being the all African singing one), "Trapped In The Disney Vault", "Christmas Time For the Jews" The tribute to Charles Schultz...they had almost everything. The only problems were the cutting some of them got, and the Ace and Gary bits were annoying. Oh, and for thouse of you who wish they had the Ray Lewis one, Here's "Ray of Light".   -Now, here's a website for ya: http://www.bangme.net/ . There's some real "winners" here, just to let you know.  
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

The Bird With The Crystal Plumage

-Last night I watched The Bird With The Crystal Plumage, and I loved it. It's a great piece of early giallo style horror cinema, and it was Dario Argento's directorial review.   -Listened to the reissue to Chapterhouses album Whirlpool, and it's pretty good. The bonus tracks (all ep songs) are a mixed bag (some are great, some not so great) but the album tracks are great. Good to see a reissue of this, as it's a bit of a lost classic in the shoegazer era.   -It seems like a guy from Fox News has stepped in as Bush's new advisor. If you ask me, I'm suprised it took this long for a guy from Fox News to officially work for Bush, but it's happened. I will say this: He's probably the envy of a lot of the folks that work at Fox news.   -I enjoy the Colbert report, but I must admit: I think that sometimes, he overplays the character a bit. It's not that hard to mock/satirize dudes like Hannity, but he sometimes overdoes his character, making it a little annoying.   -And now, as I promised last night, here's my list of underrated/underappreciated comedy movies   National Lampoon's European Vacation-Not as good as the first Vacation movie, or Christmas Vacation, but infanately better than Vegas Vacation. There are some lame moments (the dreadful 80's fashions come to mind), but there are some great moments, such as Eric Idle's appearances, and Clark forgetting to turn off the camcorder when he's having sex with his wife (and said video making it on the French Porn market).   Pootie Tang-This, along with Undercover Brother, are far superior to the overrated Austin Powers movies (though I do love the second Powers movie the most). Everything about this movie is hysterical, from the Villains (Jennifer Coolidge as an over the top hooker, David Cross as a Pootie Tang Impersonator) to the soundtrack ("I Wanna Be Your Man" by Zapp and Roger in particular, is a great highlight), to the appearences from other comics (Todd Berry comes to mind) to Pooties daddy, to the guy who always repeats what others are saying, to Dirty D ("They made me shower!"), to Pooties way with the ladies, to Bob Costas, to Pooties dialogue in general, to the absurd fight scenes-just about everything in this movie is hilarious.   Kung Pow-I'm only mentioning this because I don't know anyone that loves this movie. How can anybody hate a movie with Gopher Chucks and a villain named Bettie? Plus: "That's alotta nuts!"   Shaolin Soccer-Not as good as Kung Fu Hustle, but close enough. Have I ever mentioned that Stephen Chou is fucking awesome?   Canadian Bacon-The last movie John Candy starred in, and the only movie Michael Moore has done that I can honestly enjoy. The highlights: John and the boys forgetting the words to Born in the U.S.A. and Oklahoma, and the scene at the camp fire were we realize that the black guy is always the first guy to die in movies.   Joes Apartment -Singing cockroaches (one voiced by Dave Chappel), making fun of scenester kids, a man named Walter Shit, syncronized swimming in a toilet, Robert Vaughn, and Don Ho. I have always loved this movie, but nobody else seems to.   Beavis and Butthead Do America-The peyote trip itself is a highlight of 90's comedy in itself. Also: "The guys who's trailer off they were wacking" may be one of the funniest things ever said.   Dirty Work-Norm McDonald was always underrated in my eyes, and this movie proves it. Moments such as "Men in Black-Having Sex with Other men" are good, but the dead hookers in a car joke is a thing of comic genius.   Street Trash-Essentially a horror comedy, but oh well. Here's a movie with a liquor that causes the body to melt into monet like colors, or causes it to explode. Also has: rape, necrophillia, a cop who pukes on people, bad dialogue, fart jokes, and most memorably of all: A game of Hot Potato with a severed penis.   Very Bad Things-The wanna be Quentin Tarentino moments suck, but the rest of this movie is great. Jokes about chopping up hookers, Daniel Stern going insane, Christian Slater being an evil asshole, and a wonderfully dark ending.   The Cable Guy-Jim Carey as a psychotic stalker. When this came out, critics (and audiences) hated it, or didn't understand it. I think this sucker a a great piece of dark comedy. Also, to this day, I sometimes say "Oh Billy!"   Cabin Boy-I don't care what anybody says: this movie is awesome. Chris Elliot, a cameo from David Letterman, and great dialogue ("These Pipe Are Clean!").
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

My Life In The Bush Of Ghosts

So far, things are doing alright.   -Anyways, yesterday I got the reissues of Chaperhouses Whirlpool and Byrne and Eno's My Life in the Bush of Ghosts. I haven't been able to listen to Whirlpool yet, but I did listen to Ghosts yesterday and today. Simply put, I'm blown away at how awesome it is. It's hard to believe that this was recorded around 79-80, as it sounds very ahead of it's time. Plus, it's catchy (and at times, funky) as hell. I'll have to get Talking Heads Fear of Music after this one, though that won't be until later in the future. Man, I have several CD's I want to purchase right now, including the new ones from The Sounds and Goldfrapp, and some oldies from Miles Davis, Herbie Hancock, and some others who have escaped my mind right now.   -I also finally got to buying the 2-disc special edition of Daio Argento's debut film Bird With The Crystal Plummage today. I'll get to watching it tonight, and I'll let you know how it is.   That's it for now. Next time: Bird With the Crystal Plummage, the Chapterhouse album Whirlpool, and the most underrated comedies of all time.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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I Hate Keisha Cole

Ok, I don't really hate Keisha Cole. I just hate the fact that I have to hear the song "Love" every Goddamn day. For Christ sake, It's not even a good song.   Anyways, here's some other stuff   I can't believe that I forgot to add this to my worst things on tv right now: MadTV. This show is the second worse thing on TV right now. Have I ever mentioned that I want to see Alex Borstein, Michael McDonald, and Will Sasso slowly tortured in the most excrutiating ways possible for their work on that show?   As I promised, here's my guilty pleasures of TV, past and present.   Jerry Springer I think that ever since they got rid of the sleezy sounding announcer and put in pool dancers and came up with lame catchphrases ("Jerry Berries" anyone?), it's become less entertaining. Anyways, I will admit though, that back in the day, I loved to watch Jerry Springer. Trash TV at it's best. One of the most underrated moments of the show: A white man proposes to his black girlfriend on national TV-in front of the Klan-and she says yes. Sappy, but for some reason, I thought it was kinda sweet.   Kim Possible Yea, there's some lame jokes on the show, but the jokes that hit really hit. Plus, it's had both Brian Posehn and Patton Oswald on it. I'm just mentioning that because I think those two are hilarious.   Super Milk Chan Fact: I got a dirty look from an Anime geek yesterday for admitting I like that show. Yes, because God forbid I have guilty pleasures. This show is incredibly stupid, but I still love it. Also, I love the references to Japanese Wrestlers, and the President. Oh, and the fact that it's essentially a satire of modern day Japanese Pop Culture (notice how the main character essentially stands against everything Japanese Society accepts). I've always called the Japanese zombie movie "Stacy" the "Super Milk Chan of Zombie Movies" for the fact that it gets a lot of detractors, but I still love it, and it's more cleaver than it appears.   Knightrider Come on, who hates "Knightrider?" I loved this show as a kid, and I still watch it whenever I have the chance to now. Plus, Kit is better than all of you.   Teen Titans Well, the first three seasons at least. Season four was disappointing (and overrated) with the exception of Ron Perlman returning as the voice of Slade, and Season five outright sucked, and ended (along with the series) with a weak conclusion. Also, Slade is probably the creepiest villain right now in American Animation.   Hamtaro I don't care what anyone says: Little Hamsters going on adventures= greatness.            
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
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The Worst Shows on TV

First of all, I'm sure some of you have noticed that me and Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye have been in an debate/argument. All I'm going to say is that I'm done arguing with him. He's not going to convince me or anyone else otherwise, and arguing with him is pointless.   Oh, and Burzum sucks.   Anyways, here's the real reason you folks are going to read this entry: Here's what I think are the worst shows on TV, and why I think they are the worst   -Flavor of Love Man Flava Flav, what happened? You went from telling us about Cold Lampin' to this? How the mighty have fallen. Also, why must they have the ultimate sterotypical white and black women on this show? Why is VH1 still around?   -Uranium Actually, this show would be much more tollerable if they got a new host. Sure, the girl they have right now is pretty hot, but she's so fucking annoying. Also, I like to call Fuse "The Angry White Boy Channel"   -Best Week Ever This IMO, is the worst thing on TV right now. None of the people one the show are funny (actually, Patton Oswald was on the show briefly, so they used to have someone on it that was funny), everyone on it is smary and obnoxious, and deserve a good beating. It also doesn't help when you remember that VH1 actually used to be a decent alternative to MTV. At least we still have VH1 classic.   -Minoriteam To Adult Swim: Sure, jokes about minorities can be amusing, but to base your entire show around stereotypes is just annoying. No, not offensive, just annoying.   -Mind of Mencia Chappelle Flies the Cukoo's nest, and his replacement: An annoying comic who makes half assed observations. Way to go guys!   -Medium Ever wonder what a crime drama/horror show/supernatural show would be like if it were catered to the soccer mom crowd? Here you go. Also, poor, poor Patricia Arquette.   -The O'Reilly Factor I'm not including this because of his Right Wing Bias, or whatever. I'm including this because this man is the most unproffesional personality on television today. Plus, I really hate the guy. He should take a note from Scarborough, or even Tucker Carlson. Sure, Joe gets on my nerves sometimes, and Carlson is a little twit, but at least they know how to act professionally.   -Inuyasha Out of all the anime shows on TV right now, this one's probably the worst. Sure, it probably doesn't help that I'm the only man on Earth who liked "Super Milk Chan", but at least that show didn't have the most retarded fans since Insane Clown Posse came along.   Next time: The Best Guilty Pleasures on TV (past and present)
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

on conspiracy theories

Well, there's a thread in the Current Events folder that deals with a new "documentary" movie called "loose Change", which says Bush caused 9/11.   You know, I've never believed in conspriracy theories (except for JFK), and for many reasons. Here's a few reasons why:   1.) They lack logic. Sure, people will tell you that they think the Bush administration bombed the WTC on 9/11. Thing is, there are three things that prove this to be bullshit, Actually, there are others, but here are the three reasons that come to my head right now.   -The fact that we saw fucking planes hit the WTC. Come on, the impact itself would make any building, no matter how large it is, collapse. Look up the facts. Scientists themselves have proven all of these theoris wrong. -The fact that the Government wouldn't attack something that is helpful to the economy, or it's own Country. Come on, I may hate Bush, but he's not that stupid, and he's not that evil. Oh, and another thing conspiracy theorists: Prove that there was missle that attacked the Pentagon. You can't, and that's because there was FUCKING PLANE WRECKAGE THERE, YOU PARANOID SHIT EATING FUCKING ASSHOLES. DO YOU FUCKERS EVEN CARE ABOUT THE FACT THAT THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE LOST THEIR LIVES ON THAT DAY? DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOU LOONEY CONSPIRACIES UNDERMINE THE DEATHS OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE? -The fact that Al-Qaeda pretty much said that they were the ones responsible.   2.) Many of them are Anti-Semetic. That's right, one of the most popular 9/11 conspiracy theories right now is that the Jews caused it. If history has proven has taught me anything, it's that no matter what horrible event happens in history, then their are people who will blame the Jews. They'll blame them on Pearl Harbor, Katrina, The crash of the Hindenburg, the assassinations of JFK and Lincoln-pretty much just about anything bad you can think of, there are people who will blame it on the jews.   3.) The fact that you can't cover something up for a long time. Let's face it, most people can't keep a secret or a lie for a long time, and nobody can keep a secret of a conspiracy level magnitude for very long. It's just the truth.   In the end, I have this to say: Conspiracy Theories are bullshit. The government didn't cause 9/11. The Holocaust did happen, no matter what it's deniers tell you. We did land on the moon. Extraterrestrials are not abducting rednecks in cornfields. Conspiracy Theories are bullshit, and every one who thinks that they are the stone cold truth is a nutcase who should be locked up in a looney bin.   Oh, and one more thing to the 9/11 conspiracy theorists: Even Oliver Stone thinks that your theories are bullshit. Let that sink in for a while.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

6
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The Revenge of Anus Presley

Tonight's blog is named after a Butthole Surfers song.   -As I mentioned last night, I can't see "Silent Hill" this week. To anyone who has seen it: is it worth seeing? Just wanted to know, as I've been looking forward to this one for a while now.   -Since I've been doing so much homework lately, I've been listening to a lot of music, and I mean a lot of it. Here's the songs that I've been listening to the most lately   .Starflyer 59-Sin For a Season First of all, I refuse to believe that this band is a Christian rock band, because they are way too good to be a Christian rock ban. But they are one (and an indie rock band) but don't go expecting some kind of Creed level bullshit. This stuff is basically Indie Rock (you know, good Indie Rock) with a slight shoegazer influence. This song is a cover of a Steven Taylor song, and it's all kinds of awesome, as well as creepy as hell IMO. You can download it Here. .Butthole Surfers-Lady Sniff I love 80's era Butthole Surfers. This is probably one of their funniest songs, with frontman Gibby Haynes sounding like an old pervert with alzheimer's, ranting about God knows what, while random sounds (including belching farting, and vomiting noises) show up every now and then. .Human League-Empire State Human .Depth Charge-Dead By Dawn .AFX-Phonatacid .Goldfrapp-Slide In (DFA Remix) .EPMD-You're a Customer .Glass Candy-Sugar and White (Vocal Mix) .Booker T and The MG's-Melting Pot .The Finnish Version of the Ducktales Theme (I blame YTMND for this one) .Grand Funk Railroad-Sin's A Good Man's Brother .Swervedriver-Bring Me The Head Of The Fortune Teller .The Pretty things-Don't Bring Me Down .Elvis Costello-Accidents Will Happen .Depeche Mode-I Want It All .Yo La Tengo-No Return (Kinks Cover)    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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How To Vibrate
 

Entry With a Mission

-Well, I'm not going to be able to see "Silent Hill" tonight. Why? Because of homework. Oh well, at least I have something to do.   -I've gotten sort of used to the image of the mutant baby. That out of the way, I agree with everybody else: It needs to go. Besides, the feminized anime wrestlers are the new disturbing of TSM, though they're also hilarious. Plus, they finally gave Masked Man of Mystery a good sig.   -You know, what ever happened to Punk's sense of humor. Sure, punk has always rebelled against society and such, but at least most of the bands of old (Ramones, Dead Kennedys) had a sense of humor to go along with it. I mention this because nowadays, it seems like all the "punk" bands have no sense of humor, and take themselves way too seriously. And people wonder why I prefer bands like The Sounds to Anti-Flag: Because while bands like The Sounds aren't really great bands, they are at least more fun than most "punk" bands of today, who have become too preachy for their own good.   -Last night, the legendary "Jessie's Song" episode of Saved By The Bell aired on Adult Swim. For those who haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and watch it. It's (unintentional) comedy gold.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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How To Vibrate
 

Boy/Girl Song

Today's entry is named after an Aphex Twin Song.   -Well, as far as homework is concerned, it's back to the old grind for me, and that's just fine. Hell, it gives me something to do. Plus, sitting at the computer all day is boring.   -It seems like Czech left. My thoughts: If he's really gone, then I'm going to miss TSM's answer to the SNL Dana Carvey character Grumpy old man. That reminds me: I always thought that Carvey's "Massive Headwound Harry" character was underrated, as was Myer's "Lothar of the Hill People" and "Middle Age Man". I always thought Myers was at his best on SNL. Anyways, back on topic: I doubt he'll be gone for good. They always come back.   -Cool looking movie alert: Evil Aliens. I've heard mostly good stuff about this, and some people are calling it a splatter comedy classic. I think that it looks awesome. Unfortunately, the trailer is currently unavailable, but if or when it comes back, I'll be sure to post it. Anyways, it's getting festival and midnight showings right now, and should be out on DVD by September.   -Oh, another thing on SNL: Who do you think was an underrated character on the show?   -I saw the movie "Shadow: Dead Riot" on DVD last Friday night, and was disappointed. It has it's moments, but that's it: just moments. It's hard to believe that a zombie movie/women's prison movie/martial arts movie would be so disappointing, but it is. Still, it's not the worst zombie movie I've ever seen (That would be either "House of the Dead", "Dead Life", "Meat Market", or "Shatter Dead". Avoid those movies like the plague.)   That's all for now.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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