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It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

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How To Vibrate
 

Erotic Nights of the Living Dead (Day 19)

19.) Erotic Nights of the Living Dead (1980)

Plot: Like you're watching this for a plot synopsis.

Review: Porn and Zombies? Yep, it's been done before: Porno Holocaust, Erotic Orgasm, Naked Lovers, and to a far lesser (and grosser) extent, Porn of the Dead are proof that some want to see flesh eating cadavers and people fucking in the same movie. Hey, whatever gets you off, I guess. Now, from the man who gave you the notorious Anthropophagous and it's sequel Absurd comes (pun intended) "Erotic Nights of the Living Dead."

First, how does it work as a porno? Well, there's a memorable sequence involving a woman, a wine bottle, and a cork. Other than that, this is rather tame. Sure, there's sex, but for the most part, it largely isn't that hardcore-George Eastman (who also wrote the movie) even keeps his pants on during sex. Also, the sex itself isn't really that erotic.

So, how about the zombies? Well, the good news is, they are great, and quite creepy. Nearing the end, the movie even builds upon some atmosphere, and the gore is pretty good (yes, we do see a guy getting his cock bitten off.) However, the scenes of the undead doing their thing (no, the zombies don't fuck) are often inter cut with sex scenes, which ends up being distracting as a whole. That ends up being a problem, as it becomes clear that director Joe D'amoto* doesn't know what kind of movie he wants to do.

In the end, it doesn't work that well as a porno, and as a zombie movie, it works better. However, the two just don't see eye to eye.

* Apart from Anthropophagus, D'amato also directed "Porno Holocaust" and "Erotic Orgasm. He's mostly known however, for directing the MST3K favorite Ator The Invincible.

Rating: 4/10 A missed opportunity to say the least. Who keeps their pants on during sex anyway?

Next Time: Sugar Hill.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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Sugar Hill (Day 20)

20.) Sugar Hill (1974)

Plot: When the mob kills the boyfriend of Sugar Hll (Marki Bey), she turns to Mama Maitresse (Zara Cully) and Voodoo god Baron Samedi (Don Pedro Colley) for revenge.

Review: The only Blaxploitation movie to involve zombies other than Petey Wheatstraw, "Sugar Hill" and it's PG rating may mean that it isn't as graphic or fun as say, Petey, Dolemite, or Coffy, but it's still a lot of fun regardless.

For one thing, the movie, much like a Rudy Ray Moore movie, doesn't take itself too seriously, and has a lot of fun with genre conventions (the stereotypical white Southern villains for example), and also offers som fun one liners ("hope you like to eat white trash!") It also helps that the performances from Bey and Colley are a lot of fun-especially Colley, who hams it up with the best of them. The zombies themselves aren't flesh eaters, but instead gray, cobweb covered ex-slaves with machetes who do Sugar's bidding.

It might not be a classic, but "Sugar Hill" is a nice guilty pleasure that, while not standing up to the likes of Cotton Comes To Harlem, still offers some fun. Great theme song too. Shame it isn't on DVD yet.

Rating: 7.5/10 A fun cult nugget from the 70's that should please Blaxploitation fans.

Next Review: Messiah of Evil
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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Messiah of Evil (Day 21)

21.) Messiah of Evil (1973)

Plot: In the California town of Pointe Dune, Arletty Lang (Marianna Hill) is looking for her reclusive artist father (Royal Dano.) So, what's with the undead town's people? And who is the Messiah of Evil?

Review: Night of the Living Dead meets the works of H.P. Lovecraft in Will Hyuck's underrated cult classic. While you won't finds piles of gore here, you will find a creeping sense of dread and a nice little gothic horror tale made for about $80,000 or $100,000.

What works in the movie,as I mentioned already, is the sense of dread. You know there's something about the townspeople-they are flat, emotionless, pale, and bleeding from the eyes. When something does happen, it leaves an impression, especially in two setpieces: one in a supermarket, the other in a . The movie also gets away with some social commentary. The supermarket scene-the undead feasting upon uncooked meat-anticipates Romero's commentary on consumerism found in his masterpiece Dawn of the Dead. Also, like Let's Scare Jessica to Death, Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things, I Drink Your Blood, and Simon, King of the Witches, "Messiah of Evil" serves as a commentary of the hippie movement. Here, the dead seem to be not only a veiled commentary on consumerism gone mad, but also the fact that in the end, the hippie movement, no matter how it denied it, was a sense of conformity.

The movie does have it's flaws-poor acting, an annoying, warbly song-but the one flaw that hurts the movie some is the narration. We don't need a narrator to explain what's going on here people. Still, it's an underrated gem, and deserves a look.

Director Hyuck went on to write American Graffiti and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Then he did Howard the Duck, and his career never recovered.

Rating: 8.5/10 Yep, the Writer/Director of Howard the Duck did one of the most underrated zombie movies of the 70's. See it-it's not hard to find online, and it's public domain.

Next Time: Dead Heist
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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Dead Heist (Day 22)

22.) Dead Heist (2007)

Plot: A bank heist goes horribly arry when (what else) the dead come in for food.

Review: As far as recent Urban Zombie movies go, "Dead Heist" is better than Zombiez, but worse than Hood of the Living Dead and Gangs of the Dead. That's not saying much, especially when you consider the fact that "Hood" and "Gangs" are bad movies too.

The dead here are cut from the same cloth as the speedy zombies from the Dawn of The Dead remake and the infected from 28 Days Later and it's sequel, only generic instead of interesting or frightening. The gore is nothing new, though the fact that the dead can only be killed by being shot in the heart (and you're to blame...) is a poor attempt at trying something different.

As far as acting goes, Big Daddy Kane does the best job. He's not good, mind you, but he does the best job. Amusingly, while Bone Crusher and E-40 are advertised as staring in it, yet they aren't in the movie for very long-Bone Crusher appears in the beginning as a patron in a strip club so tame it could have passed for MTV's "The Grind", then disappears. Meanwhile, E-40 has less than 5 minutes of screen time as a porn director, and gives a "alright, where's my paycheck already" level performance. The rest of the cast ranges from a dead ringer for Vin Diesel to the white female cop, a white businessman thinking of joining the Nation of Islam (har har), and plenty of stereotypical gang banger characters.

While not the worst recent Urban horror movie, there's still nothing worth recommending here.

Rating: 2/10 I have no idea whether or not the fact that this reminded me of the "Attack of the Street Pimps" bit from Hollywood Shuffle is a good thing or a bad thing.

Next Up: The Grapes of Death
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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The Grapes of Death (Day 23)

23.) The Grapes of Death (1978)

Plot: A woman finds herself trying to survive a French Countryside swarmed with the living dead.

Review: Prolific Exploitation autuer Jean Rollin's 1978 gem is actually his first in a trilogy of zombie movies: the others include the atrocious Zombie Lake and the surreal but good Living Dead Girl. However, "Grapes" is the best of the three movies, as well as the most coherent and conventional.

Fans hoping for graphic violence and bloodshed will be pleased with this movie. The eerie "just rotting" look of the zombies is effective, and we get plenty of nice gore, including a great bit involving a Pitchfork. There's also plenty of fog drenched atmosphere, and the requisite Rollin movie nudity, to make fans of horror happy. Especially effective is the way Rollin uses the desolate French countryside, creating a sense of menace and dread, which is accompanied by an excellent electronic score.

That out of the way, some will probably be turned off by the episodic feel of the movie, as scenes occur that may leave viewers confused. To me though,that's not a problem, as it adds to the nightmarish quality of the proceedings.

"The Grapes of Death" is both a classic Gallic horror movie and a classic zombie movie. See it if you want to get a gander at what Rollin was capable of.

Rating: 9/10 One of Jean Rollin's best movies, and a great, original zombie movie to boot.

Next Time: Horror Rises From the Tomb
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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Horror Rises From The Tomb (Day 24)

24.) Horror Rises From The Tomb (1973)

Plot: A Medieval Warlock returns hundreds of years later to recieve the rest of his body (he was decapitated, you see) and kill anyone who get's in his way.

Review: The final Spanish Horror entry in this list, "Horror Rises From The Tomb" is also the second featuring the upiquitis Paul Naschy. Fortunately, this is a better movie than the jumbled mess Vengeance of the Zombies, and is a good, fitting end to the Spanish titles reviewed here, as it's a very entertaining entry in the world of weird but fun Euro-Trash flicks.

The plot is a bit confused, though fortunately, Naschy and co. manage to make the everything but the kitchen sink approach work this time, complete with gore (decapitations, hearts torn out in graphic detail, etc) nudity (this thing is a tit fest) and general weirdness (the site of a disembodied head giving orders is funny no matter how you try to spin it.)

The movie is also more interesting this time around, thanks to not overdoing it with exposition, and just letting things happen. It may be a bit confusing (a detailed plot synopsis of this is nearly impossible really), and the zombie aspect feels a little undercooked (really, do we need another movie with undead servents doing their master's bidding?), but it's still tons of fun, and a good introduction to those wanting to get into the movies of Paul Naschy.

"Horror Rises From The Tomb" and it's ilk are an acquired taste, but those wanting some nonsensical fun will be pleased.

Rating: 8/10 A fun slice of Trash Horror, though those hoping for a easy to follow plot will be dismayed. Otherwise, enjoy.

Tomorrow: A Virgin Among The Living Dead
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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A Virgin Among The Living Dead (Day 25)

25.) A Virgin Among The Living Dead (1973)

Plot: While at her dead relatives castle, a woman finds herself in a world of satanic rituals and the undead.

Review: I've reviewed a Jess Rollin movie, now it's time to look at one from his doppleganger so to speak, in Jess Franco. Granted, Franco's movies range from entertaining trash to unwatchable crap, but "A Virgin Among The Living Dead", while not unwatchable, feels a bit undercooked.

Sure, the requisite female nudity and lesbian content is there, as are creepy undead reminiscent of Carnival of Souls, and some great atmosphere. However, there are also far too many dull patches in the movie, as it almost feels like Franco was half assing the whole ordeal at times, taking interesting moments and essentially making you wonder "well, why isn't he doing anything here?" That out of the way, the score by Bruno Niccolai is great, an quite catchy at times.

The other problem though, and possibly the biggest flaw, is the disheartening thing about the whole movie, is the jumbled nature of it all. Like several of Franco's movies, it goes from Gothic Horror to Erotic Nonsense too frequently. sure, Horror and eroticism can go hand in hand, but when the creepy or erotic moments do occur, they feel like they don't gel (save for some lesbian blood drinking.)

"A Virgin Among The Living Dead", while far from Franco's worst (That would be either Oasis of the Zombies or Devil Hunter), has too many problems to recommend it, except as a curiosity. It may not be good, but you won't see many movies quite like it.

Rating: 5.5/10 Coulda been a contender really. Great Poster art though.

Next Up: Dead & Buried
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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Dead & Buried (Day 26)

26.) Dead & Buried (1981)

Plot: Sheriff Dan Gillis (James Farentino) is investigating a series of murders in the town of Potter's Bluff. So, why are these dead bodies coming back? Does Mortician (Jack Albertson, in his last performance) have something to do with it?

Review: Released by a major studio, written by Dan ("Alien", "Return of the Living Dead", "Total Recall") O'Bannon, and directed by Gary ("Raw Meat", "Poltergeist III") Sherman, "Dead & Buried" tanked in the box office, but faired better on VHS. In the 80's era of Slasher movies and Splatter flicks, it's really a lost classic.

The plot could best be described as Stephen King meets E.C. Comics with a bit of H.P. Lovecraft. The dead in the movie aren't shambling, rotting corpses, and that's what makes them so eerie and unnerving-they just seem so much like normal people. You wouldn't know hey are zombies if you saw or talked to them, but you would know that something about them isn't right. While hardly a gorefest, it still has some memorable moments, including an infamous hypodermic needle to the eye sequence.

Acting wise, Jack Albertson steals the show as Dobbs the mortician, adding a nice undercurrent of black humor, as well as a sense of pride and respect for his work-you can tell the actor is having the time of his life playing the villain for a change. The rest of the cast is great, with faces such as Melody ("Flash Gordon") Anderson and Robert Englund popping up.

"Dead & Buried" is one of my favorite 80's horror movies, and should be seen by anyone who says they love horror. Believe me, you won't regret it.

Rating: Either 9/10 One of the best Zombie movies you don't hear much about, "Dead & Buried" is an underrated gem.

Next on the Plate: Dawn Of The Mummy
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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Dawn of the Mummy (Day 27)

27.) Dawn of the Mummy (1982)

Plot: A group of supermodels disturb the sleep of a mummy, incurring it's wrath-as well as the wrath of the undead.

Review: Filmed in Egypt, this Italian/American co-production is a lot of things, but good isn't one of them. If anything, it's proof that not every Italian Zombie movie is going to be good (see also: Zombi 4: After Death; Killing Birds.) Thing is, unlike say, Hell of the Living Dead, this isn't even entertainingly bad. It's just mind numbingly boring bad.

The movie does offer some decent gore, but it's not until the last 15 minutes that the dead attack, and by then, it's too little, too late. You have to sit through atrocious acting and nothing notable happening. Also, the movie has characters who are supermodels, but none of them disrobe. Granted, it's hardly the first time an exploitation movie promised a lot but delivered little, but that's beyond the point. There's nothing interesting in the movie, and it feels too much like warmed over, reheated trash instead of entertaining trash. There's very little here that's interesting, while other Italian Zombie movies like Burial Ground and Zombi 2 remembered to bring the sleazy, gory goods.

"Dawn of the Mummy" is a waste of time for anyone and everyone involved, and isn't even worth watching drunk or stoned.

Rating:0.5/10 a very, very dull and painful viewing experience. Better than a shot on camcorder horror movie, but that's hardly a compliment.

On the table next: Hell of the Living Dead
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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Burial Ground (Day 29)

29.) Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror (1981)

Plot: A group of horny idiots (and a creepy manchild) have their plans for weekend nookie interrupted by Etruscan Zombies.

Review: Hardly the most obscure movie in the list, "Burial Ground" is considered a great example of Italian gore cinema done right: unbelievably sleazy, gory, and dumb fun with plenty of memorable moments.

The thing the movie is mostly known for is Peter Bark, a clearly 30 something midget who plays a mothers child (Casting director: "He's short, so nobody will know the difference!") who takes oedipal desires to really creepy new limits. He watches his mom get it on, feels her up, and in the moves conclusion, comes back from the dead and bites out a huge hunk of her tit. If this doesn't let you know what kind of movie this is, then wait, there's even more.

The thing that strikes me the most about the movie, is how unbelievably stupid the people are here. In the beginning, an old professor is approached by the dead, and exclaims "Please, I'm your friend!" Amazingly, this doesn't work. Later on, after several people who you don't give a shit about (really, these are unlikeable people) are killed and devoured by the dead, one character says "Let's let (the zombies) in the house! Maybe they don't want us, but something in here!"

So, how is the gore and make up FX. Well, they are great. Sure, it's obvious at times that they are masks, but the zombie make up and gore effects by legendary effects man Gino ("Zombi 2", "Cannibal Ferox", "Dune", "Living Dead at Manchester Morgue", "High Tension") De Rossi work. The dead are rotting, decrepit things, reminiscent almost of the zombies from the "Blind Dead" movies, only with maggots and worms infesting them. The gore is sloppy, messy, and nausea inducing. So yeah, it's great.

"Burial Ground" will hardly win any awards. It's unoriginal (lifting off of Fulci's "Zombi 2" several times) and poorly acted. However, it's still a lot of gory, sleazy fun, especially if you are in the right frame of mind.

Rating: 7.5/10 Pure unabashed, unashamed exploitation-like that's a bad thing.

Next Time: Night Of The Comet
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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Night of the Comet (Day 30)

30.) Night of the Comet (1984)

Plot: After a Comet destroys much of the population, two valley girls must fend for their lives against the living dead.

Review Remember when I said "One Dark Knight" was the most 80's movie to be reviewed here? I was wrong. That award goes to Thom ("Sole Survivor") Eberhardt's Sci-Fi Horror/Comedy cult classic "Night of the Comet", with its 80's soundtrack, dialogue, hair, clothes, etc.

The movie itself really isn't a horror movie. Sure, there's zombies, but at the end of the day, this is more of a comedy if anything. That out of the way, the dead aren't treated like a joke, and thankfully avoid being reduced to pratfalls and bad slapstick humor. The dead are pretty smart themselves, as they can fire guns, talk, and much more. Well, a few can, such as Willy and his gang. Willy by the way, gets away with great one liners ("I'm not crazy. I just don't give a fuck!" "Let's play a game, it's called scary noises.") Shame he kicks the bucket-again.

The movie is largely light hearted, and the cast have a ball with it, while fortunately not overselling or mugging for the camera. Also, there' a scene in a shopping mall, but unlike Romero, director Eberhardt is not interested in biting social commentary. He just wants to entertain you.

"Night of the Comet" may lack the eerie atmosphere of Eberhardt's previous entry in zombie movies "Sole Survivor", but it makes up for it with campy fun.

Rating: 8/10 "Daddy would have gotten us Uzis."

Tomorow, the final movie is: You'll see.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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White Zombie (Day 31) and thoughts on this experiment

You know, I've been wanting to do "31 Days of the Dead" for a long time. Since December in fact. I've gone over all kinds of zombie flicks. From flesh eaters from Italy ("Burial Ground", "Hell of the Living Dead"), shot on camcorder shitfests ("Zombie Bloodbath"), Spanish Zombies ("Night of the Sorcerers", "Horror Rises From the Tomb"), obscure low budget oddities ("The Child", "Sugar Hill"), lost gems ("Sole Survivor"), Japanese zombies ("Junk"), bad Direct to DVD movies ("Dead Hate The Living", "Dead Heist"), pornographic zombie movies ("Erotic Nights of the Living Dead"), undead towns people ("Dead & Buried", "Messiah of Evil"), Certified classics ("The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue" "Carnival of Souls"), Hollywood Blockbusters ("Resident Evil: Extinction"), camp classics ("Night of the Comet", "Night of the Creeps"), lost gems ("Let's Scare Jessica To Death") and even frozen, remote controlled zombies with bad mustaches ("Frozen Scream"). So, what's the perfect way to end this month of zombie movies? Well, let's look at the first zombie movie ever made. That's right, the month ends with:     31.) White Zombie (1932)   Plot: A young man turns to a witch doctor to get a woman away from her fiance. Instead, she becomes one of the living dead.   Review: There are many other zombie movies I could have gone with-"Fiend", "The Video Dead", "The Day it Came To Earth", and "Blood Diner" to name a few-but I think it's best to go with the first zombie movie ever made-and a nice little B & W horror flick to boot.   Apart from being the first zombie movie, the movie is also worth seeing for Bela Lugosi's great performance as "Murder Legendre", the witch doctor. Along with "The Black Cat" and "Dracula", this is one of Lugosi's best performances. The dead are also quite creepy-not shambling rotting corpses (this is the 30's for Christ Sake), but they are zombie none the less-though the hair on one of them is rather goofy, like something out of a 3 Stooges movie.   Granted, there are better Black and White Zombie movies ("Night of the Living Dead" and "I Walked With a Zombie"), but this is still a ice, atmospheric entry into the genre-and not hard to find, as it's in the public domain.   Raring: 8/10 Creepy Black and White horror with notable significance.   With that, "31 Days of the Dead" comes to a close. Will there be a part 2 next year? Maybe. Right now I'm not sure, as this has spent my energy and this has made the possibility of my other plan for August-"Month of the Maligned" null and void. Until then, I'm all zombied out. Still, I hope everyone who read this enjoyed it, and will give some of these a look.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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Brett Farve is a Fucking Cunt

No matter what you think of how the team has treated him (for fuck's sake, he says he's going to retire, changes his mind, and expects everyone in the team to accept him with open arms), or who he'll end up playing for, at the end of the day, he's a fucking whiny cunt, ant the sooner he's off of my TV, and the sooner I don't hve to hear about him anymore, the better.       Fuck Brett Farve.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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Hey Marvin

Just wanted to let you know that Glenn Beck sucks and that it must be impossible for you to have an original thought or opinion.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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I wasn't here Monday

Because I went to a Radiohead concert. Here's a run down of what happened:   It was a 4-5 hour drive, and I was fucking exhausted. Took me about 30 minutes to regain some energy. I got there early so I could get good lawn seats, and so I could get a good parking space. First things I saw at the parking lot: a guy vomiting in the bushes and some hippies. Fortunately, not to many. Beer was $10, so no getting drunk tonight. Cool T-Shirts I saw: A Neu! shirt, a Corgi T-Shirt (I love Corgis), and a Jesu T-Shirt. Minimal Techno music played before sets. I recognized the Vlasdiv (sic) Delay and Basic Channel tracks. Opening act was Grizzlybear. They were alright, and came off as nice guys. Before Radiohead's set, there were the obligatory ads. I can happily say I've never heard a Jonas Brothers song in my life. Also Bill Maher has a really obvious receding hairline. Radiohead were great. "National Anthem", "Body Snatchers", "Idioteque", "Pyramid Song", "Dollars and Cents", "There There", and "Everything In It's Right Place" are fucking experiences live. So yeah, a really stellar live show full of energy from both the band and the crowd. There was an asshole behind me (obviously on E) who kept bumping into me, so I moved. He looked a lot like Marvin. Traffic was a pain in the ass. Me and my friends played "Name That Tune", and my pal Shawn "You know what would be really funny? If care could hump each other" Got back to my place on Tuesday.     So there's the lowdown.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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What happened while you saw "Pineapple Express"

Well, here's what happened this week in case you've been living under a rock   -John Edwards admitted to an affair with a woman while his wife has cancer. Class act. I'm sure Newt thinks he's an amatuer though. That reminds me: what is it with politicians and ugly chicks? Why can't they take a page out of Kennedy's book and nail a hot chick? You guys are fucking politicians, you can get better pussy.   -Somebody was stabbed, killed, and decapitated on a bus in Manitoba. Westboro Baptist Church is there to tell people they are going to hell (really, I'm just apathetic towards these guys now. I've heard so much from them or about them that they are just old news), and or pals at PETA are behaving in the dignified way expected by running an add saying the guy's death is nowhere near as bad as killing an animal. Stay classy PETA.   -John McCain keeps running negative adds, alienating old fans in a way that Bill Clinton alienated old fans this year.   -Brett Farve got traded to the Jets-oh go away Brett. Seriously, go away, quit whining, quit crying, and quit being a little bitch. And for God's sake, it wouldn't kill you to shave more often. This has given ESPN even more reasons to suck as well, as if it weren't already possible.   -"Pineapple Express" is pretty awesome, though it didn't beat "The Dark Knight." Also, good to see Rosie Perez still getting work.   -R.I.P. Bernie Mac. You were the best thing about the "Ocean's" movies, and Milky is right when he says your role as "Officer Self-Hatred" in "Don't Be A Menace" is great.   -Finally:    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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3 movies in a week

I already saw "Tropic Thunder" (which is great). Tonight it's that animated "Star Wars" movie (friend keeps bugging me over it, so I finally caved in-Christ, I don't even like "Star Wars" that much) and tomorrow it's "Mirrors"." Expect reactions on Sunday.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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Thoughts on "Mirrors" and "Clone Wars"

Clone Wars is bad, but not "I wanna kill myself bad" that some are making it out to be, though I didn't go in with high expectations-it's at least better than Phantom Menace. I actually wasn't annoyed by Ahoska, though The baby Hutt and the gay Hutt I call "Capote the Hutt" are a different story all together. Just remember that this is a minor movie made for kids-nothing more nothing less-and if you don't go into it with high expectations, then you'll be alright.   Mirrors is a wasted movie. There's 3 kills total (not bad ones either-the "jaw ripping" scene is worthy of Fulci), and it all feels like a Fulci movie-that is, one he did in his decline. It's also too long (nearly 2 hours) and poorly acted (especially Kiefer Sutherland). That out of the way, it's a rare example if a remake that's better than the original (the original is really boring), and isn't too bad-just boring.   Both get 4/10.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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To The WWE Folder

CM Punk jobbing to Jericho and not being in the Main Event on PPV is nothing to complain about. Face it, Punk's not ready for that kind of push yet. Please get that sand out of your vaginas and stop whining.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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Dead Man's Party

I'm all dressed up with nowhere to go
Walkin' with a dead man over my shoulder

Waiting for an invitation to arrive
Goin' to a party where no one's still alive

CHORUS
I was struck by lighting
Walkin' down the street
I was hit by something last night in my sleep
It's a dead man's party
Who could ask for more
Everybody's comin', leave your body at the door
Leave your body and soul at the door . . .
(Don't run away it's only me)

All dressed up with nowhere to go
Walkin' with a dead man
Waitin' for an invitation to arrive
With a dead man . . . Dead Man . . .

Got my best suit and my tie
Shiny silver dollar on either eye
I hear the chauffeur comin' to the door
Says there's room for maybe just one more . . .

CHORUS

Don't run away it's only me
Don't be afraid of what you can't see
Don't run away it's only me . . .
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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Kobe, How Does My Ass Taste (NSFW)

"Kobe, how does my ass taste?"       That was the question Shaq asked Kobe as his rival's tongue went to work on his soiled sphincter. It was sturdy to say the least, hungrily lapping up everything it could, and not ignoring a single part of the rancid poop shoot. He just dug deeper, practically munching away as he felt some solid waste exit the putrid black hole.   "GOD DAMNIT!" Shaq yelled orgasmically, jerking his large member as pre cum soaked his knuckles. Kobe was incredible at this-it was his specialty. He did it to Steve Nash earlier that week, and he had plans for Joe Crawford later on.   Shaq's finger's gripped the swollen member. It felt like a firehose ready to go off at any second, yet the Phoenix Sun was able to hold it off-even at the sight of Kobe wildly eating out his shit stained shitter, feces dribbling from his chin like a grotesque milkshake, all while caressing his own member with extreme force.   Nothing lasts forever though, and by the power of Shaq-Fu, Shaq's rectum fired liquid cannon into Kobe's gullet, soaking his face and mouth with diarrhea as Kobe ejaculated a fire hydrant like load into Shaq's gaping maul.   Looking deep into each other's eyes, the two shared a French kiss, semen and feces mingling into each other's mouth to create something not even the Fu-Schnickens would consume. "Delicious" Kobe replied.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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The End of Deon Dark

Deon's regime as a poster: July 3rd, 2003-September 21st, 2008   That's five years too long.   Yep, Deon's been banned. You may know Deon as "Rocky", "MVP", and "Douchebag." The reign of terror is over.   Who was Deon? Come on, if you're reading this, you know who he is. He's a poster so bad nobody would defend him. A poster so bad that even Marvin, EHME in the past, and WP look good in comparison. A man so stupid that he had no idea why people hated him so much, even though it was practically spelled out to him. A man who's thread bumping almost made Vanhalen's look good by comparison. A man who bragged about ruining an ex girlfriend's life, and had no shame about it. A man even much of the WWE folder didn't like. A man with no defenders-even wildpegasus and Marvin have defenders.   No he's gone.   Good riddance too. I've made no secret of my hatred of Deon. He was quite possibly the worst poster on the board. Sure, cabbageboy, Truthiness, Enigma, Marvin, etc. aren't what you'd call good either, but they just annoy me. Deon was so bad I'd cringe whenever he posted. He was possibly the only poster on the board that has actually made me mad. That's right, Deon was so bad, it pissed me off. Now, thank God, he's gone. Ceased to be in the board.   Only question is, who do I rip on now? Well, we'll see. For now a celebration is in order, because Deon is finally gone.   Happy Days indeed.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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