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It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.
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The end of wildpegasus
Mark Foley: Professional Pedophile
"...Paul..."
Frozen Scream (Day 10)
Plot: Mad Scientists (including late minor cult movie icon Renee Harmon) discover a new technology that turns people into remote controlled/frozen zombies that kill.
Review: "Frozen Scream" isn't just a bad movie-it's a frustrating one at that. The premise (though campy) is at least original, yet it fails. Why?
Well for starters, the acting (save Harmon, who's icy, emotionless performance is sort of interesting) is dreadful. Harmon is clearly the only person in the movie with any acting experience, as everybody else obviously has little to no experience in the field. The only things that break the tedium are the loud (and weird) electronic score (half of the movies cues are from the notably awful backwoods slasher flick Don't Go In The Woods-which H. Kingsley Thurber also scored) and the (unconvincing) gore effects, both of which have a weird low budget charm.
The biggest problems though, are the inability to do anything with the interesting premise, and the general uneventfulness of the whole thing. The movie has a goofy but original premise, but it never realizes the potential that it has. Instead, people just babble on incessantly about immortality. It's a movie where you keep waiting for something-anything- to happen, and while a few things do happen (eyeball violence is always welcome), not enough does happen.
Still, it's at least better than the Shot On Camcorder zombie movies reviewed here, though that isn't saying much.
* The IMDB and a few other sources may say that the movie was made and released in 1975- but it actually came out in 1981.
Rating: 3/10 There's some minor pluses, but they are far too many minuses to make it good. Instead, "Frozen Scream" is a total bore.
Next Movie: Zombie Holocaust
Kobe, How Does My Ass Taste (NSFW)
Junk (Day 12)
Plot: A team of petty Jewel thieves find themselves fighting for their lives when the factory they are in turns out to be infested with zombies-including a hot naked chick.
Review: Take one part Tarantino knock off, one part Re-Animator, one part Return of the Living Dead 3, and three parts Italian zombie movie, and you get "Junk"- a derivative, unoriginal, but really fun zombie movie that plays like the best one Italy never made-only it's from Japan.
The movie borrows liberally from from a variety of movies (the ones mentioned above, as well as Day of the Dead, Bruno Mattei's so bad it's brilliant Hell of the Living Dead, and a few others), yet somehow, it ends up being a blast. The gore is great and plentiful (including quite an original scene where a zombie consumes it's own flesh), as the undead eat human flesh with relish, and people shoot, stab, electrocute, etc. them with gusto. Oh, and there's a hot naked zombie chick (well, she's naked most of the time-when she's not, she's in tight leather) with big tits whose also smarter, faster, and smarter than the other zombies in the movie.
While the movie is unoriginal and derivative, that fact is never distracting. What is distracting though, is the English speaking/American actors, who are so bad, it's painful. I'm talking bad local theater production levels bad. You'll cringe whenever they appear on screen.
Still, "Junk" is a blast of mindless cheesy fun, and is a perfect "pack of beer with friends" movie.
Rating: 7.5/10 Derivative nature and poor acting aside, "Junk" is still a a lot of fun, though it doesn't have much on the mind.
Next Time: The Child
Let's Scare Jessica To Death (Day 18)
Plot: Jessica (Zohra Lampert) is let out of a mental ward, and moves into a country home with friends. So, what's with the strange drifer girl (Gretchen Corbett)? Or the vampire in the lake? Or the townspeople with those odd scars?
Review: The term "lost classic" gets thrown around a lot, especially in the horror genre. Hardcore fans such as yours truly love to mention movies like Vampyr, Horrors Of Malformed Men, The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh, and others as examples of why we should continue to dig for great but overlooked horror movies. One movie that gets thrown around by such fans is John Hancock's 1971 classic "Let's Scare Jessica To Death."
The movie itself is not a gorefest-bloodshed is quite limited within the movie-but what it lacks in disembowelments it makes up for in creeping dread and atmosphere. Throughout most of the movie, we are unsure what is real or what is a dream, as Jessica's paranoia reaches a fever pitch level, and the atmosphere clouds over the viewer, up to the conclusion. The dead in the movie are not rotting corpses bent on destruction, but are instead undead townspeople who you can't trust, bringing to mind the classic Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
Also, just like Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things, Messiah Of Evil, and I Drink Your Blood, "Jessica" serves and a condemnation of hippie culture-and may be the biggest middle finger-the biggest proverbial fuck you-to the culture, as it reveals many of the things that destroyed it, and it wasn't authority figures either: bickering, in fighting, egos, the looming sense of comformity, acid drenched delusions, paranoia, and more figure into the movie. The overriding message of the film seems to be that even without authority and police figures, the hippie movement was doomed to fail from the get go-only it would end up destroying itself instead of the other way around.
"Let's Scare Jessica To Death" is a great horror movie, and deserves it's cult reputation.
Rating: 9/10 One of the best horror movies from the 70's you haven't seen or heard of. Recommended.
Next Time: Erotic Nights of the Living Dead
A message to the CE folder
Happy 4th of...Oh wait, never mind
Adventures in the Mall
The lyrical genius of R.Kelly
Giants Win the Superbowl
Erotic Nights of the Living Dead (Day 19)
Plot: Like you're watching this for a plot synopsis.
Review: Porn and Zombies? Yep, it's been done before: Porno Holocaust, Erotic Orgasm, Naked Lovers, and to a far lesser (and grosser) extent, Porn of the Dead are proof that some want to see flesh eating cadavers and people fucking in the same movie. Hey, whatever gets you off, I guess. Now, from the man who gave you the notorious Anthropophagous and it's sequel Absurd comes (pun intended) "Erotic Nights of the Living Dead."
First, how does it work as a porno? Well, there's a memorable sequence involving a woman, a wine bottle, and a cork. Other than that, this is rather tame. Sure, there's sex, but for the most part, it largely isn't that hardcore-George Eastman (who also wrote the movie) even keeps his pants on during sex. Also, the sex itself isn't really that erotic.
So, how about the zombies? Well, the good news is, they are great, and quite creepy. Nearing the end, the movie even builds upon some atmosphere, and the gore is pretty good (yes, we do see a guy getting his cock bitten off.) However, the scenes of the undead doing their thing (no, the zombies don't fuck) are often inter cut with sex scenes, which ends up being distracting as a whole. That ends up being a problem, as it becomes clear that director Joe D'amoto* doesn't know what kind of movie he wants to do.
In the end, it doesn't work that well as a porno, and as a zombie movie, it works better. However, the two just don't see eye to eye.
* Apart from Anthropophagus, D'amato also directed "Porno Holocaust" and "Erotic Orgasm. He's mostly known however, for directing the MST3K favorite Ator The Invincible.
Rating: 4/10 A missed opportunity to say the least. Who keeps their pants on during sex anyway?
Next Time: Sugar Hill.
Power's back
Some things to note
The End of Deon Dark
Hostel
Wedding Recap
Burial Ground (Day 29)
Plot: A group of horny idiots (and a creepy manchild) have their plans for weekend nookie interrupted by Etruscan Zombies.
Review: Hardly the most obscure movie in the list, "Burial Ground" is considered a great example of Italian gore cinema done right: unbelievably sleazy, gory, and dumb fun with plenty of memorable moments.
The thing the movie is mostly known for is Peter Bark, a clearly 30 something midget who plays a mothers child (Casting director: "He's short, so nobody will know the difference!") who takes oedipal desires to really creepy new limits. He watches his mom get it on, feels her up, and in the moves conclusion, comes back from the dead and bites out a huge hunk of her tit. If this doesn't let you know what kind of movie this is, then wait, there's even more.
The thing that strikes me the most about the movie, is how unbelievably stupid the people are here. In the beginning, an old professor is approached by the dead, and exclaims "Please, I'm your friend!" Amazingly, this doesn't work. Later on, after several people who you don't give a shit about (really, these are unlikeable people) are killed and devoured by the dead, one character says "Let's let (the zombies) in the house! Maybe they don't want us, but something in here!"
So, how is the gore and make up FX. Well, they are great. Sure, it's obvious at times that they are masks, but the zombie make up and gore effects by legendary effects man Gino ("Zombi 2", "Cannibal Ferox", "Dune", "Living Dead at Manchester Morgue", "High Tension") De Rossi work. The dead are rotting, decrepit things, reminiscent almost of the zombies from the "Blind Dead" movies, only with maggots and worms infesting them. The gore is sloppy, messy, and nausea inducing. So yeah, it's great.
"Burial Ground" will hardly win any awards. It's unoriginal (lifting off of Fulci's "Zombi 2" several times) and poorly acted. However, it's still a lot of gory, sleazy fun, especially if you are in the right frame of mind.
Rating: 7.5/10 Pure unabashed, unashamed exploitation-like that's a bad thing.
Next Time: Night Of The Comet
To The WWE Folder
You'll Go Blind
gary floyd vs. Hugo Chavez, and more
The Dead Hate The Living! (Day 17)
Plot: A band of would be filmmakers go to an abandoned hospital, and find a real dead body-which they use for the movie. It ends up opening a portal to hell-and unleashing some zombies.
Review: I make no apologies whatsoever when I say that I like the movie Scream. Sure, I may lose cred to some horror nerds, but I answer only to myself, thank you. I don't like though, what came after "Scream": A series of annoying, self aware horror movies that thought they were clever, but weren't. Case in point: "The Dead Hate The Living", released by the one interesting Full Moon Studios, is proof that a love for zombie movies does not make a good zombie movie.
The movie is full of references to other, better horror movies: Return of the Living Dead, The Beyond, Cannibal Ferox, to name a few-and while it's heart seems to be in the right place, it all comes off as fanboyish nonsense, which is essentially what it is. Not only that, it's bad fanboyish nonsense. The acting is non-existence, the references to Bruce Campbell and Fangoria are annoying, the soundtrack-filled with bad horror punk, psychobilly, and horrorcore rap-is grating, and the mugging for the camera hurts as well.
To be fair, the zombie and gore FX are decent, but they aren't enough to save this dreck from being any good.
Writer/Director David Parker would go on to write the notoriously bad House of the Dead (no, he's not happy with the way it turned out-can't say I blame him), and was originally attached to direct a Michael vs. Pinhead movie, though that movie never came to pass thank God. He also acted in the movie Free Enterprise, which is actually a pretty damn good comedy. Amazingly, when "Dead Hate The Living!" came out, some were praising Parker as one of horror's next big things, which shows how bad the shape of the genre was in at the time. After HOTD, his career never took off or fully recovered.
Rating: 2/10 Proof that while anyone can make a zombie movie, not everyone can make a good one.
Next Review: Let's Scare Jessica To Death
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