Art Sandusky

What's funny is that few of you will ever watch these the same again. You'll want to imagine TSMers in place of the characters. Sad and entertaining at the same time.

INTERIOR: CLOUDCITY.COM/FORUMS -- MEMBER CHAT QUARTERS -- DAY The door zaps open. Soulbacca walks in, carrying a packing case of Agnes, arms and legs hanging over the edge. WELSH: What happened? Soulie sets the case on a table, grunting and groaning an explanation. BANK: Where? Found him in a gay robot bar? Soulie grunts and growls again. BANK: Oh, a junk pile. WELSH: What a mess. Soulie, do you think you can repair him? The giant Bostiee studies the array of robot parts. He looks at the princess and shrugs sadly. BANK: Kotzo's got people who can fix him. WELSH: No, thanks. There is a buzz and the door slides open, revealing Kotzo. KOTZO: I'm sorry. Am I interrupting anything? WELSH: Not really. KOTZO: You look absolutely beautiful. You truly belong here with us among the clouds. WELSH: (coolly) Thank you. BANK: Almost as beautiful as your, um, gaudy outfit. KOTZO: Don’t diss the pimp gear. Will you join me for a little refreshment? Bank looks at Kotzo suspiciously, but Soulie barks at the mention of food and licks his lips. KOTZO: Everyone's invited, of course. Welsh takes Kotzo's proffered arm, and the group turns to go. Kotzo spots Agnes’ remains. KOTZO: Having trouble with your droid? Bank and Welsh exchange a quick glance. BANK: No. No problem. Why? Bank and Welsh move arm-in-arm through the door, followed by Kotzo and Soulie. The door slides closed behind them. INTERIOR: CLOUDCITY.COM/FORUMS -- INDEX -- DAY Welsh walks between Bank and Kotzo as Soulie follows a short distance behind. Long shafts of light pour across the index between tall, pure-white columns. KOTZO: So you see, since we're a small operation, we don't fall into the...uh...jurisdiction of the TSMpire. WELSH: So you're part of the IWC guild then? KOTZO: No, not actually. Our operation is small enough not to be noticed...which is advantageous for everybody since our members are anxious to avoid attracting attention to themselves. The group walks into another index and heads for a huge doorway at the far end. BANK: Aren't you afraid the TSMpire's going to find out about this little operation and shut you down? KOTZO: That's always been a danger looming like a shadow over everything we've built here. But things have developed that will ensure security. I've just made a deal that will keep the TSMpire out of here forever. INTERIOR: CLOUDCITY.COM/FORUMS -- FOOD FORUM The mighty doors to the dining room slide open and the group enters the food forum. At the far end of a huge banquet thread sits Vadersault. Standing at his side and slightly behind him is Boba Piss, the... eccentric bounty hunter. Faster than the wink of an eye, Bank draws his Ghast and pops off a couple of flames directly at Vadersault. The Dark Poster quickly raises his hand, deflecting the insults into one of the side walls, where they explode harmlessly. Just as quickly, Bank's Ghast zips into Vadersault's hand. The evil presence calmly places the Ghast on the table in front of him. VADERSAULT: We would be honored if you would join us. Bank gives Kotzo a mean look. KOTZO: I had no choice. They arrived right before you did. I'm sorry. BANK: I'm sorry, too.

God, I knew people would think my dispeasure was with the name change and not the stupidity of putting "the" in front of the name.

That doesn't bug me. You don't hear people say "The World Wrestling Entertainment," do you?

I should have known better.

And once again, I want to say how much I despise people saying "the WWE."

Just as CWM is the TSM Spelling Bee Champion, you are the TSM Geography Bee Champion. YCongratulations: your trophy, consisting of a smiling bee atop a globe, is in the mail. Israel is in ASIA, you dumbass! If Egypt can be listed along with Russia and Turkey as countries that are part of two continents, as the Suez Canal is considered the boundary between Africa and Asia analogous to the Ural Mountains acting as the division line for Europe and Asia, then how in perdition can Israel, which all my maps tell me is BEYOND the Suez Canal and Sinai peninsula, be part of AFRICA? I never thought I'd see the "Why haven't you said anything yet?" reply here when someone simply hasn't been on the board. We're better than that, come on. I'd also like to add that saying Africa CHOOSES not to be as advanced as the rest of the world is laughable.

The key difference between these "awful" PPVs and recent "awful" PPVs is that those in 2000 were still very watchable and didn't feel like wastes of money afterward. The first PPV I felt like I wasted money on was Backlash 2001.

Without that presentation, WWE wouldn't be nearly as good and its flaws would be glaring to fans and stockholders.

Austin doing a run-in at Wrestlemania to help Rock win the title would have been big too, you can't get buys from a surprise at the show itself.

This must be the first epidemic the human race has experienced where I've heard people say "who cares? It's weeding out the idiots!"

Damn that whole wide world. Yes, we're all idiots who listen to what MTV and our college sibling's buddies tell us.

Jack Black is extremely hit-and-miss with me. Sometimes he's hilarious, but other times it's just like watching a chunky speed freak running around.

Personally, I prefer this one: http://gprime.net/video/dealingwithcheaters.php Jesus, When Nerds Attack.

EXTERIOR: LANDING PLATFORM -- DOOR OF MILLENNIUM FLETCH Bank and Welsh stand at the open door, armed. Behind them, Soulie, also armed, surveys the scene warily. AGNES: Oh. No one to meet us. WELSH: I don't like this. BANK: Well, what would you like? AGNES: Well, they did let us land. BANK: Look, don't worry. Everything's going to be fine. Trust me. Except for you, Agnes. I hear they don’t like feminine droids. Agnes shakes with fear. INTERIOR: CLOUD CITY.COM/FORUMS -- CORRIDOR -- DAY Kotzo Kylierian, a suave, dashing black man in his thirties, leads a group of aides and some CloudCity.com/forums posters rapidly toward the landing platform. The group, like the other citizens of the city, is a motley collection of trolls, droids, and humans of all descriptions. Kotzo has a grim expression on his face as he moves onto the landing platform. EXTERIOR: LANDING PLATFORM -- DOOR OF MILLENNIUM FLETCH BANK: See? My friend. (to Soulie) Keep your eyes open, okay? Soulie growls as Bank walks down the ramp. Kotzo and his men head across the bridge to meet the space pirate. EXTERIOR: CLOUD CITY.COM/FORUMS -- LANDING PLATFORM Kotzo stops ten feet from Bank. The two men eye each other carefully. Bank shakes his head. KOTZO: Why, you slimy, double-crossing, no-good swindler! You've got a lot of guts coming here, after what you pulled in that thread about my glowsticking. Bank points to himself innocently, mouthing, "Me?" Kotzo moves threateningly toward Bank. Suddenly, he throws his arms around his startled, long-lost friend and embraces him. KOTZO: (laughs) How you doing, you old troll? So good to see you! I never thought I'd catch up with you again. Where you been? The two old friends embrace, laughing and chuckling. EXTERIOR: LANDING PLATFORM -- DOOR OF MILLENNIUM FLETCH. AGNES: Well, he seems very friendly. Cute too. WELSH: (wary) Yes...very friendly. EXTERIOR: CLOUD CITY.COM/FORUMS -- LANDING PLATFORM KOTZO: What are you doing here? BANK: (gestures toward the Fletch) Ahh...repairs. I thought you could help me out. KOTZO: (in mock panic) What have you done to my ship? BANK: Your ship? Hey, remember, you lost her to me fair and square. KOTZO: Millennium Fletch indeed, the Red Blooded Woman was such a better name. BANK: You and your obsession with the planet Minoguia. KOTZO: Philistine. BANK: Cockmonger. KOTZO: I know you are, but what am I? BANK: You’re wearing a purple cloak. KOTZO: It’s a good color! BANK: So yeah, you’re a cockmonger. KOTZO: Whatever, how you doing, Soulbacca? Still hanging off of this loser’s sack? Soulie growls a reserved greeting. Kotzo suddenly notices the princess and smiles. KOTZO: Hello. What have we here? Welcome. I'm Kotzo Kylierian. I'm the administrator of this forum. and who might you be? WELSH: Welsh. KOTZO: Welcome, Welsh. Kotzo bows before Welsh and kisses her hand. BANK: All right, all right, stop trying to prove you’re straight. Bank takes Welsh by the hand and steers her away from Kotzo. AGNES: Hello, sir. I am Agnes, human-cyborg relations. My facilities are at your... Before Agnes can finish his self-introduction, Kotzo has turned to follow Bank and Welsh, who are walking toward the forum. KOTZO: Sorry man, I don’t want your “services.” AGNES: Well, really! Kotzo, his aide, the extremely white and bald Ripbot, and Bank lead the way across the bridge, followed by Agnes, Soulie and Welsh. KOTZO: What's wrong with the Fletch? BANK: Hyperdrive. KOTZO: I'll get my people to work on it. BANK: Good. Kotzo turns to Welsh. KOTZO: You know, that ship saved my life quite a few times. She's the fastest hunk of junk in the server. INTERIOR: CLOUD CITY.COM/FORUMS -- CORRIDOR The group has crossed the narrow bridge and entered the forum. They walk down the lovely Art Deco passageway, rounding several corners and passing many small plazas as they go. Agnes lags a bit behind. BANK: How's the forum working? Is it paying off for you? KOTZO: Oh, not as well as I'd like. We're a small, freely-hosted board and not very self-sufficient. And I've had bandwidth problems of every kind. I've had poster difficulties...(catches Bank grinning at him) What's so funny? BANK: You. Listen to you -- you sound like an admin, a responsible leader. Who'd have thought that, huh? Kotzo is reflective. He looks at Bank a moment. KOTZO: You know, seeing you sure brings back a few things. BANK: Yeah. Don’t stare at my package. KOTZO: (shakes his head) Yeah, I'm responsible these days. It's the price you pay for being successful. Bank and Kotzo laugh together, and the group moves on through the corridor. The lagging Agnes passes a Agnes-type silver droid who is coming out of a door. AGNES: Oh! Nice to see a familiar face. What’s your sign, baby? SECOND AGNES: (mumbles) E chu ta! AGNES: How rude! Agnes stops, watching the silver droid move away. Then he hears the muffled beeping and whistling of an ALF-2 unit coming from within the room. INTERIOR: CLOUD CITY.COM/FORUMS -- ANTEROOM Curious, Agnes enters the room. AGNES: That sounds like an ALF-2 unit in there. I wonder if... Agnes walks through the doorway to the main room. He looks in. AGNES: Hello? How interesting. Oh, my. MAN'S VOICE: (from within) Who are you? AGNES: Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I...I didn't mean to intrude. No, no, please don't get up. No! A laser bolt to Agnes's chest sends him flying in twenty directions. Smoldering mechanical arms and legs bounce off the walls as the door whooshes closed behind him. INTERIOR: CLOUD CITY.COM/FORUMS -- CORRIDOR Kotzo, Bank, and Welsh continue down the corridor unaware of Agnes’s dreadful accident. Soulbacca glances around, sniffs the air, but shrugs his shoulders and follows the group.

I never got a smile from anything Leno did that no one else couldn't do (Headlines, Jaywalking, etc.). Any comedy he can bring to interviews falls flat, as Conan, Dave, and Jon Stewart remain the only guys I can really watch interviews with. Tim Allen never got much out of me either. I mark out more for car references in his stand-up than his actual material.

Ideally. Fortunately, I'm with the agency for acting, not modelling.

For some reason the video is fucked up but the audio is loud and clear. I'm loving every second of this.

I don't have any Circuit City stores around here that I know of. Blast.

One of these is not like the others. Can you tell what it is?

No Mercy 2003.

Today I was told of a way to cook chicken where you shove an opened beer can up its ass. I don't want to know how anyone came to the conclusion to try that.

Truth will set you free.

Besides the Yankees being in a close contest for first in the AL East, how does that game top the championship game of another sport?

Okay of the last seven years: Two of them were crappy squashes. Two of them were won by the New England Patriots. Rams-Titans sucked until it neared the end. Did anyone think the Falcons would win? The thing about the Super Bowl is that it's all about the pageantry and the hype and everything. Stanley Cup, World Series, and NBA Finals all produce better and more interesting gameplay over a four-to-seven game stretch. The sixty minutes that comprise the Super Bowl itself are lackluster at best. Sooooo.. two Super Bowls that ended with game-winning field goals are discounted because the Patriots won them? Rams/Titans had a good second half and the best ending of any Super Bowl ever. The Falcons were in it thanks to Tim Dwight's return for a touchdown until the Broncos scored again. This pine tar thing I've never even heard of.