Nighthawk

Have you seriously smelled a baby's coffin? I haven't. I once went to a funeral for a baby, so I've seen a baby's coffin, but I didn't smell it. Bad scene, with the mother throwing herself on the coffin and yelling for him to come back to life and not let them throw that filthy dirt on him. This was a pretty high end cemetery (Forest Lawn... the Glendale one, not the Hollywood one), but they didn't have an insane amount of money, so it was their cheapest package, which involved the practice of when the service was over, an attitude of basically "Shut up bitch, we got a job to do." and they dragged her away and came in with a fucking backhoe and jackhammer, and slammed that grave shut. When they're really trying, it takes like 30 seconds to fill in a grave and pack it down. It actually really calmed her down. So, cure for grief: heavy machinery. Air of finality, I think. Nothing I have ever said about the smell of a cunt, in any context, has gone over well, so I just leave that alone. I'm going to see Patton Oswalt live in a couple months.

Hm, that actually is kind of tricky. There's one girl in particular I was thinking of as having a cute nose, but the reason I think so is that it's prominently upturned and could even be described as crooked. She might take it the wrong way. I mean, who the hell notices a nose? Unless you're going to go Marquis de Sade and suck snot out of it. I'm sort of infatuated with this girl, which is probably why. You know, the thing where you notice everything about them that makes them unique. Eyes are the safest one. Every girl loves to get complimented on her eyes. If she's cross eyed or something, compliment her hair. They eat that up too.

Lightning in a bottle. This is not me being full of myself, but I honestly don't think anyone is capable of doing a thread like that except me, and I couldn't do it again. That thread, not unlike me, existed in some weird limbo between insane and rational. If I were to ascribe a Simpsons quote to cock shots, it would be "There... was... some... unpleasantness, Icannevergoback."

pbone is a real person who has not been known by another name.

It honestly never crossed my mind to compliment a girl on her nose. I gotta start doing that.

I don't like Subway, but Quiznos is good. I went there for lunch today and, at least at this particular one, they didn't have the chicken soup anymore. Just broccoli cheese, and chili. I loved the chicken soup!

I feel like I should give the backstory of me fucking my cousin who was seven years older than me, because it is... if not justifiable, at least understandable. Basically when I was a young kid in Illinois, she and I were pretty close, and she was actually a really good cousin (except for the time her high school girlfriend babysat me and tried to molest me. I beat the shit out of her. I did manage to beat up a high school sophmore at eight. That's pretty cool.) And then I moved away for years and years and I was back there to visit. The house I grew up in was owned by her family (like I said, they were rich), and after we moved out, she lived there. She had, at the time, just had a very bad breakup, where she was kicking down doors and all, and developed some drug habits. And she was very upset and talking to me about these things, and I was very comforting to her, and she was like "Thanks David. You were always my favorite cousin. You sure have grown up a lot, though." and it sort of went from there. She was sad and drug addled and I looked older than her at 15, where I was also completely insane with hormones. Shit happened. And I was immediately like... "Oh shit... did I just fuck my cousin?" Now that's all pretty messed up, I'll admit, but it makes sense. There's nothing there that I don't understand. Still... fucking a relative in the house you grew up in is pretty nuts. At least it wasn't my old room (the attic). I also just realized that those seven years were the biggest age gap I ever experienced. The over/under on sex for me is seven (with a relative, no less) and five, from the time I fucked the thirteen year old. I just now realized I'm in a position to break that. I can now legally fuck 18 year olds, and that's a six year gap. I mean, when you're eighteen you can't fuck 12 year olds. (Actually you can, as I've discussed, but I wouldn't really feel right about it). But now I'm getting old enough where there can be huge age gaps in my sexual partners and it doesn't even matter. I think, as long as I'm not married by then, I'll fuck an 18 year old after my next birthday, just to cancel out my record being with a relative.

That was my initial reaction to her as a person: "No fucking way." By the way, the even more fucked up thing is that I was 15 when I fucked my cousin, but she was like 22, which I think is old enough to know better. Ended up dead of an overdose with her kids in the house. She bore a very, very strong resemblance to CanadianChick. That was just a really fucked up, funny family. Super huge rednecks, but the rich, satellite dish and elevated swimming pool kind. There were in excess of a hundred cats living there, and they were always dying in hilarious ways. Seriously, it was like every time you went over there, five more cats were dead. They had enough that they kept replenishing, though. Like, one was eaten by a snapping turtle, and my uncle proceeded to kill the turtle and serve it for dinner, or they'd sleep on the engine block and explode when you started the car, or my uncle would get drunk and shoot them. He always had some rationale, like "That damn cat tore up the flower bed, so I blew his head off with a shotgun." My other cousin, a guy, used to show me gore movies when I was a little kid, and had a stack of MAD magazines taller than me, plus a shitload of like, Judas Priest and Iron Maiden records. And Guns N Roses wallpaper. That guy was awesome. He's a cop now.

I had some really good sushi today, but the wait was like 40 minutes and you didn't get free refills on anything but water. Who the fuck do they think they are. Then again, it is a holiday, perhaps explaining the crowd. I will go back at least one time, because they had something I really wanted to try, and I wasn't feeling too well, so I instead got something I knew I would like. What I wanted was unagi wrapped up in cucumber and made to look like a caterpillar. I really like unagi, but am iffy on cucumber.

Well, no harm in posting good videos. My favorite video is "Windowlicker", but here are some others I like: Wu Tang - "Triumph" Wu Tang with superpowers, Dirty unleashing killer bees on New York and jumping off a skyscraper, more cool shit. Dethklok - "Fan Song" My second favorite Dethklok song. On the simple side, but good stuff with the pig effigy and the flashing faces. Dethklok - "Go Into the Water" My first favorite Dethklok song. Actually not a video, but a live performance (well, of a cartoon), but one that could never possibly happen in real life, so I'd say it's a video.

Yeah, that's the thing, there was a lot of weird, Lovecraftian shit in that story that can be hard to convey on film.

It's actually a lot harder to kill somebody in real life than it looks. Besides direct brain trauma, and having your throat slit, people can take a lot. That was one of many plotholes in this new Halloween (none of which made it less enjoyable). Have you tried to actually beat somebody to death? That is hard. Even with a weapon. I just don't think a kid could do it. And oh man, stabbing somebody to death? That's even harder. Unless you can pierce the skull or the neck, you have to do it like 20 times. Even if you get them right in the heart, it takes them like 15 minutes to die. Young Michael probably could have stabbed his sister to death, but when Laurie grabs the knife and goes after him, there's just no possible way she could think that would work.

I'm very excited about Dragon Wars. Ever see The Host? Apparently Korean movies are really good, I should watch more of them.

I have a new job, at another sporting goods store. I feel like a complete sell out for getting fired and being like "Hell yeah, fuck that place!" and then turning around and doing the exact same thing somewhere else, but I somehow managed to learn a lot about sporting goods, so I take what I can get. If you've seen any of the horror stories about my old job, though, this store is much better and not in the ghetto, so that's good. It's Sports Authority, if you are familiar with them. Used to be Sportmart. The manager is really funny. He's mad niggerish. When he was interviewing me he was making calls trying to get somebody to cover a shift, and he was like "Get yo ass to the store. Bitch, you ain't doing nothing. I hear everything they're saying in the background, so don't be talking shit." *hangs up the phone* "You believe that shit?" If you saw Halloween, he reminded me a lot of Ken Foree as Big Joe Grizzley. In fact, I think I'll start calling him that.

I was talking about cousin fucking to some people today, and used the line "How do you fuck your cousin? That's something you do when you're a kid!" Good line.

My favorite restaurant in the world is a place called Kim-Bo's, in the middle of white trash fucking nowhere Florida. It is seriously the best Chinese food I've ever had in my life, and I really like Chinese food. I've never been to China, but I've had take out all over New York and San Francisco's Chinatown, and been to places where you take your shoes off and sit on the floor, and nothing comes close to that place. It's weird, but it happens sometimes. The best Mexican food I ever had was in Colorado and made by two white guys. My favorite Chinese place around here is called Carry Outee, which is a pretty stupid name. Great food, though, and big portions. I think I'll probably go there today. My favorite chain is probably Tony Roma's. Chili's has one of my favorite dishes, the Chicken Crispers. Things are great. For fast food, I'm a big fan of Whataburger and Chick-Fil-A. The closest Chick-Fil-A around here is 40 minutes away, and I've been tempted.

Sure is. He was named after his brother who died as an infant, and his parents pretty much told him his whole life that he was his brother reincarnated. He speaks highly of his childhood, but that'd fuck somebody up. Hell, GG Allin always said his childhood was fine and his father named him Jesus Christ and dug graves for the family in the basement. James used his brother's grave with his own name on it as the cover to the Boy/Girl EP:

Into incest now, apparently. Fucking her cousin. That's the dumbest shit I ever heard. That's why I like Meg, she's one of the most insane people I've ever encountered. Besides myself. But in a completely different way. I think that's interesting. Like, apparently I sometimes said shit on aim that made no sense, but one thing I can guarantee I did not do was send somebody a fifteen minute video about Star Trek lesbian slash fiction, and a song to listen to while I watched it, and expect me to actually watch it. That is fucking eating paste levels of crazy, especially if you know me, which she did, we used to talk a lot. Thinking I would have even the slightest interest in anything even remotely similar to that is fucking batshit. She wasn't just fucking with me either, she pulled that shit all the time. And thousand page stories about Star Trek lesbian slash fiction, where I tried to be nice and skipped to the sex parts and talked about that, and she's like "No, didn't you see the beautiful interplay between them? When they were just talking?" No, bitch, I god damned didn't. Hell, I'll admit it, I fucked my cousin too. The difference is, I was fucking 15. Basically, I don't know what you wouldn't fuck when you were 15. She's in her fucking 30s. I'm not saying she's bad with any of that, even though I cursed a lot, just "That person is out of their mind." So... yeah, that's how Megan is.

Also, I thought the ending of the new Halloween was really good. When she initially starts dryfiring the gun over and over, I said "That's really fucked up." and then when it goes off and it just ends with her screaming, I said "Awesome ending. That's the kind of shit you never get better from. She's just going to be crazy forever now." It felt a little TCMish, with Marilyn Burns screaming/laughing her head off from the back of the pickup, and it's like "Yeah... she ain't gonna recover." That was one of the only good things about the TCM with Matthew McConaughey and Renee Zellweger, and the very end when Marilyn Burns has a cameo in a nuthouse being wheeled on a gurney in a catatonic state. Still crazy after all these years. I also thought a crucified dog at the gravesite was a bit of a TCM tribute. Would have made it a chicken in a cage, myself, but still pretty good. The TCM remake, by the way, was ok for one reason only: R. Lee Ermey.

It's not unpopular, it's actually pretty much the same thing everyone else just said. More words, though.

Hey, I'm still here, posting about blowing guys and torturing small animals when I was a kid. I know I took it upon myself to save the Chocolate Socket singlehandedly, but I'm just one man. Even if that one man is Milky, I can't do that shit alone, bitch. I miss all those people too.

Yeah, when I start fucking a girl and she's doing that, I punch her in the face. Wakes her up.

Nice picture.

In news of hating religion, since I want to be a stand up comic, I've started doing schtick to strangers in the street to see what gets a good reaction, and the best one is actually about Jesus. I stop people and say "Excuse me, can I have a moment of your time? I'd like to talk to you about Jesus." And they make some excuse about how they're in a hurry, and then I say "No, actually what I was going to say was that I hate him and he sucks." Which most people are actually surprised by, and apparently usually people who aren't foreign have a cursory appreciation of Jesus at least, and I get asked why and I say "One time I took a bunch of acid and he beat the shit out of me." It cracks everybody up. Try it! But don't steal it.

As far as other people go, my two friends I saw it with really liked it, and the theater seemed to. They were screaming at it like it was a roller coaster. Actually, very comically over the top reaction. I like to yell things out during movies, and the best reaction I got from this one was "I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!" Got a "LOOOOOUD NOISES!" callback from somebody, too.